I do not own anything in these stories. All rights go to the creator Chris Savino and the current showrunner, Michael Rubiner.
It was a quiet night on March 21, 1986 in the Loud House. Lincoln, Lori, Lily and the other sisters were gathered in Lori and Leni's room, in a middle of a meeting where they share the awful things they did.
"So then, bam! My remote control plane smashed right into our daddy's disco ball, and it broke into a million pieces," Lincoln explained
"Oh no!" Lynn said as she ducks and Lana whacks Leni with a pillow, knocking her off the bed, "The one he got from winning the Royal Woods "Dance Your Pants Off" contest?! He's so proud of that thing!"
"Oh, my. That's awful," Lori said in fear.
"I know, Mom," Lincoln said to Lori, "If our dad ever finds out, I'll be as dead as disco!"
"Don't worry, honey. You're not the only one hiding something from our father," Lori explained.
"Oooooooooh!" The sisters said.
"I accidentally scratched the car with my rhinestone purse when you, Lily and I both came back from the store,' Lori said as it flashbacks to her driving up to a parking space with Lincoln riding with her, and turns the car off. When they open the doors, she accidentally dents the car next to her. Realizing this, she and Lincoln try to inch themselves away, unknowingly leaving jagged scratches on the side of the van with her purse and the flashback ends.
"You think that's bad? Remember the blackout last week back on March 13?" Luna said as flashbacks to the time when she set the volume on her speakers to "Super Max" and strums her guitar once, causing a citywide blackout.
"GRRRRRRRRRR! LUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Lori shouted in fury and anger as the flashback ends.
"I rather enjoy the darkness," Lucy complied before she started explained, "Speaking of which, does anyone know how to get black paint out of lace? I painted Mom's wedding dress for my dark betrothal to Edwin."
Flashback then occurs as Lucy is seen descending the basement stairs wearing Rita's wedding dress, completely black. In the basement are a bunch of dolls looking towards Edwin, Lucy's vampire bust. End flashback.
"Well, before you all explain even further. If any of you are wondering why I wear my long-sleeve shirt, trenchcoat and blue jeans everyday. I'll give you an explanation why," Lori said as she takes off her trenchcoat, revealing her pink long-sleeved turtleneck shirt, the sisters mutter in agreement, "Well, it's time you finally knew," she clears her throat, "It all started about two years ago, Mom and Dad were away and I was in charge of taking care of all of you and at the time, I was pregnant with Lily," everyone nods in agreement.
It then flashes back to two years ago when Lori, who was pregnant with Lily at the time, was in charge of the other girls. She was wearing just a plain pink maternity T-shirt, some blue shorts and some purple flats, "So anyway, I tried to keep all of you girls in charge, but one day. I was so stressed out due of Lynn becoming highly obsessed with with sports. It was that day when she knocked me out with her sports skills, "Lori narrated as Lynn dashed through the halls, making her dizzy,
"Hey, get back here, Lynn!" Flashback Lori shouted at Lynn, "We do not tolerate such behavior while I'm in charge!"
"And then as she was about to throw the football, it just flew into my face and knocked me out!" Lori continued narrating as Lynn throws a football, but it hits directly at Lori, knocking her out, causing her to lie on the ground, "and I tried to hold in my pain and agony for as long as I could," Lori slowly got up and went into her room and held on to herself, "I had no idea what I was going to do now since all the girls were insane and stark-raving mad."
"Man... the pain... I hope it goes away quickly..." Flashback Lori said in agony as she searched her closet for some different clothing until she found a pink turtleneck shirt and a pair of blue jeans and some pink shoes.
"Until one day, I found a way to undo all the unbearable pain I experienced in one simple move," Lori narrated as she got out of her casual look, leaving on her light pink leotard and stepped into her blue jeans and slipped on her pink turtleneck shirt and her pink shoes, "That was when I started dressing up to look like a real babysitter," Lori then grabbed a tan trenchcoat and immediately put it on, and gave herself a beautiful look on her, looking like Chris Parker from "Adventures in Babysitting" and the flashback ends, "And I've been wearing this outfit ever since."
"Ahhhh. So that's why you dress up like a real babysitting lady even though you're a mother of two Louds," Leni said in surprise.
"What! Oh dear God, I didn't even know that!" Lincoln realized.
"What can I say? We're not angels. Not even my little boy Lincoln, or my little girl Lily, to everyone's surprise. Well, but he and Lily are both angels in my eyes and Bobby's eyes," Lori said to the viewers, "You know, Sometimes, we mess up. But the great thing is, if you need to get something off your chest, you can always trust your siblings, "suddenly, a knock at the door is heard, "Well, not all of them.
"And who to enter the room than the one sibling who just can't keep her mouth shut," Lincoln said as Lola entered.
"Lola Loud, the loudest and most annoying Loud of them all," Lori explained.
"What are you guys talking about?" Lola said suspiciously.
"Quantum physics!" Lisa explained.
"Monster trucks!" Lynn explained.
"My kids Lincoln and Lily and how much I care for them a lot!" Lori explained.
"Politics!" Leni explained.
"Baseball!" Lynn explained.
"Jokes!" Luan explained.
"Global warming!" Lana explained.
"You're telling secrets again, are you? It's not fair!" Lola shouted, "I never get included!"
"That's because..." he said to Lori, "...dare we say it, Mom... "You're a tattle-tale, Lola!" Lori and Lincoln both said in unison.
"I am NOT!" Lola scoffed but Lincoln and the others look at her with disbelief while a cricket chirps.
"Oh, yes, you are!" Lori said sternly to Lola.
"Okay, I'll admit I used to be a tattle-tale, but I changed!" Lola replied but everybody still doesn't believe her as they murmur to each other.
"Say it all you want, you're not making us change our minds!" Lori said sternly to Lola.
Lola growls loudly and tosses her tiara aside in fury and yelled, "MOM! THEY WON'T LET ME IN THEIR SECRET SECRETS CLUB!"
"ENOUGH!" Lori shouted as she furiously grabs Lola and throws her out of the room and Lincoln quickly shuts the door while Lisa checks her list of secrets.
"Mmm. So where were we?" Lisa asked.
"I broke our dad's disco ball, Luna caused the blackout, Mom scratched the car, Lucy ruined our mom's wedding dress, and my mom also told us why she always dresses like a babysitter and always wears that trenchcoat," Lincoln said.
"So, he he, Who's next, by the way?" Lori asked before Lana raised her hand.
"Ooh! Ooh! So you know how Dad was yelling at Charles for chewing up his boots?" Lana said as she giggles, "That was me!"
The siblings begin laughing and Lori replied, "Oh, yikes."
"Wait a second. Weren't those steel toe?" Luan said with realization.
"Luan, this isn't any of your business right now. Lincoln, Lily and I need to get some rest together. See you all in the morning," Lori said before she turned to Lincoln and Lily.
"Come on, kids. Let's rest up for tomorrow, shall we?"
"Yeah, Mom." Lincoln agreed as he went to his room.
Meanwhile, Lori went to Lisa and Lily's room to tuck her daughter Lily into bed as she silently placed her in her crib and gave her a goodnight kiss.
"Goodnight, Lily. Mommy loves you as much as your brother," Lori said softly to Lily as she heads out of the room to go to Lincoln's room where Lincoln was about to climb into bed and Lori comes into the room and climbs into bed with Lincoln.
"You know, Lincoln, it's much better when we both sleep together in your room," Lori explained softly and soothingly to Lincoln, "It's like a safe haven in this house."
"I have to agree, Mommy," Lincoln said as he and Lori hugged one another, "I'm very glad that you and Lily are always there for me in these dark times."
"That's great, Lincoln," Lori said soothingly to Lincoln, "Well, let's get some sleep together," Lori then turned off the bedroom lamp and they started covering themselves up in their blanket and Lori gave him a goodnight kiss, "Good night, dear. Sweet dreams," she then fell asleep with Lincoln for the night.
Saturday, March 22, 1986
The next morning, Lori and Lincoln were sleeping in his bed. Lori wakes up.
"Morning, Lincoln. Are you ready for another bright and beautiful Saturday?" Lori said quietly.
"I sure am, Mom," Lincoln quietly said as he wakes up and sees Lola right in front of him looking at him with a wide smile and he and Lori yell in shock.
"Morning, Linky! Morning, Lori!" Lola said excitedly.
"Lola, what are you doing here?" Lori said as Lola pulls out a fancy suit.
"I need a butler for my tea party. You're it." Lola demanded.
"Yeah. That's not happening," Lincoln said as he puts his bedsheets back on with Lori.
"Yep, Lincoln means it," Lori said sternly, "You're not going to be interfering with my parental duties."
"Oh, really?" Lola said suspiciously as she swipes the bedsheets off of Lori and her son Lincoln as they both look up, "I hate for Dad to find out who broke his precious disco ball!
Suddenly, they gasp loudly, both realizing that Lola knows his secret, "Who told you about that?!" Lori replied.
Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know. Lincoln is seen wearing the suit Lola provided.
"Top me off, Linkington," Lola demanded as Lincoln tips the teacup over, "I don't hear any tea!" Lincoln sighs, and tips the teacup over while making a whooshing sound to make it sound like tea is pouring out, "Nice one, Linc. Good way to interfere with the bratty little girl.
Meanwhile, in the backyard, Lucy is writing in her poem book, and Lola approaches her with her princess car and asked, "Hey, Luce. Want to play "Drive me around while I practice my pageant wave?"
"Hard pass, bitch," Lucy replied in serious rage.
"Very well," Lola said as she drives around for a little bit, "Maybe I'll go play "Dress Up" with Mom's wedding gown instead," Lucy looks up with realization as a crow caws. Lola gasps, "Oh, wait. that's right, someone ruined it."
Lucy suddenly gasps loudly, realizing she knows about her secret, "Who told you that?"
Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know. She moves into the passenger seat as Lucy sits down on the driver's seat. Lola motions Lucy to start driving and she sighs as Lucy dons a chauffer's cap, and begins driving as Lola begins waving.
Later in the dining room, Lori was writing something in her diary as Lola approaches her.
"What'cha doing right now?" Lola asked.
"Well, I figured if Lucy can help me out with what I should write in my diary, you know," Lori said uninterested, "I can write something of my own, a story perhaps. Here's what I got so far..." Lola then stops Lori.
"Yeah, that's great. Speaking of stories, I was hoping you could read some to me. I like fairytales and princesses, but make me the princess, and don't forget the voices," Lola said as she hands Lori a book.
"Well, maybe you should just read it yourself," Lori said sternly to Lola.
"Or maybe mom should know why you wear that trenchcoat all the time," Lola screamed as she takes off Lori's coat, revealing her pink long-sleeved shirt.
"What the...? Lola, How did you..." Lori said as Lola smirks, Lori soon gets angry at Lola and begins to snarl at her. Later, after Lola's threats to spill out every last sibling's little secret, she had them all wrapped around her finger.
By now, in Lana and Lola's room, Lola has forced all of her siblings into doing menial tasks for her. Luna is playing a mandolin, Lynn is painting Lola's toenails, Lana is dressed fancy, and Lori and Lincoln are both back to being Lola's waiters.
"With a moo moo here, and a moo moo there..." Luna said playing the mandolin.
"Uh... I believe I said he had a pig," Lola corrected her.
"With an oink oink here, and an oink oink there..." Luna said through clenched teeth.
Lori then reads, "And the brave knight said to the fair princess Lola, "Fear not mi-"
"Voices!" Lola demanded.
Lori then shrugs as she clears her throat and starts in a deep voice, "Fear not, Mi'lady! I'll save you from this great evil!"
"Wonderful," Lola said cheerfully, "How's my homework coming, Lis?"
"I'm up to the letter "S," Lisa said as she was pulling up a sheet of paper that has the letters of the alphabet made up of different shaped pasta noodles.
"Hmm. Make the macaroni a little crooked. I don't want my teacher getting suspicious," Lola said as she claps twice, "Jester! How about a joke?"
"Why do chicken coups only have two doors?" Luan said, dressed as a jester, unenthusiastically.
"I dunno. Why is that?" Lori asked.
"'Cause if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans," Luan said as she laughs unenthusiastically.
"Yes! Isn't this fun, everyone?" Lola said as she laughs at the fun she's having, her siblings all grumble in frustration, knowing they're not having fun. Back, at Lori and Leni's room, the kids are having another meeting.
"I don't think we can take another second of this!" Luna said, "Do you know how hard it is to to do a male voice? VERY HARD!"
"Steele down! Now, I think we all know why we're here," Lori said nervously, "Lola knows our secrets, and she's absolutely torturing us!
"Clearly, we've got a rat!" Lynn said suspiciously.
"Yes, Lynn. A "rat" which is an informal term for a "snitch," Leni said as she then raises her voice to everyone else, "SO WHICH ONE OF YOU LOW-LIFE SCUMBAGS IS IT?"
Lori becomes so shocked that the normally sweet and upbeat Leni looked and sounded so pissed, believing that she is turning bossy at the others like her. Meanwhile, All the siblings begin to fight except for Lori, blaming each one of them for being the rat. During their squabble, Lincoln flies out, and lands on something that pierces his butt, "Yowch!"
"Here, Lincoln," Lori said as she pulls off the item from Lincoln's butt, revealing to be Lola's tiara, "What the?" As they examine the tiara, he notices a microphone attached to it. They realize something.
"EVERYBODY, STOP!" Lori calls out as the siblings cease their fighting, "All right, everyone, Lincoln and I both know who the rat is, and her name rhymes with "granola".
"Hmmm. Let me guess! Lola Marie Loud!" Leni explained.
"That's right, Leni, it's Lola! She put a microphone in her tiara, and eaves dropped on our meeting!" Lincoln said.
Flashback to yesterday. Lola growls loudly and tosses her tiara aside in fury, "MOM! THEY WON'T LET ME IN THEIR SECRET SECRETS CLUB!" Lola yelled at Rita when suddenly her tiara landed on the floor. The camera zooms in on the tiara, revealing the microphone and it fades back to reality.
"Why that little..." Lori said to herself angrily.
"Well, now we know who the rat is," Leni explained, "But what do you think we should do about it?"
"Yeah, she still has all our secrets!" Lana said angrily.
"But what if we had one of hers?" Lincoln theorized.
"Does she even have a secret?" Lola asked.
"Yes. But Lola's a pro. She covers her tracks," Leni said suspiciously.
"Everyone makes mistakes, even Lola!" Lincoln was determined.
"You know, Lincoln, I just want to help!" Lori explained, "Because if Lola tells my mother about what happened to me, I'm gonna sue the living hell out of them for this!"
"What? Why is that, Mom?" Lincoln asked.
"Because, Lincoln. You and Lily are the only thing that really matters to me. More than anything. More than Bobby. And way more than my friends. More than all of that," Lori said as she gives Lincoln a hug knowing that she truly loves him as much as Lily and is actually good-hearted just like them and the sisters are left in awe.)
"Thanks, Mom. Now we all just make sure to follow the plan...
"Yeah, we sure will. Now I had no idea how Leni learned to be such a bossy and grumpy sister towards the others?" Lori asked.
Sunday, March 23, 1986
The next morning. Lisa is sorting cereal bits for Lola, the pink marshmallows in a bowl marked "JA" while the regular bits go in another bowl marked "NEIN!"
"Just 10 more minutes, and I'll have all your cereals separated for you, Lola," Lisa informed Lola.
"Oh, good job, Lisa. Don't let any of that icky bran mix with those yummy marshmallows," Lola said as she looks up at Luna playing a double bass, "Uh, smooth jazz, Luna? Nice try. How 'bout a little adult contemporary instead?"
"Sure! Anything for you, sis!" Luna said as she plays a different line.
"Almost done with the second coat! Then onto the third!" Lynn said as she was painting Lola's toes.
"Lori! Storytime!" Lola said.
"Perfect! I got just the story for you that is no way a diversion. It stars you as the princess, and-" Lori said before Lola became excited.
"Read it to me! Read it to me!" Lola explained.
"Here we go," Lori said as she starts reading, "A long time ago, in a kingdom far, far away... there was a beautiful princess named Lola, she was, without a doubt, the most perfect princess in all of the land..." Lynn gives Lincoln the signal and he sneaks into Lana and Lola's room and searches every nook and cranny as Lori soon finds out that he's here, "Oh, hi Lincoln. What are you doing?"
"Oh hey, Mom. Just searching around for notes Lola spread around," Lincoln said as he finds a secret note under Lola's mattress and grabs it, "If you're reading this, you must be snooping. Get out of my room...or else. Signed, Lola," He disregards the warning and crumples up the note and finds another note in the wastebasket, then he reads it, "I said GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Signed, Lola," before he sees something on her nightstand, "Lola's diary!" and opens up a page, "Today, I broke Mom's most prized possession," he smiles thinking she's got her, "Just kidding. Only a MORON would write secrets in a diary. NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Signed, Lola," he closes the diary," Man, she's good," and grabs Lola's tiara, "What is your secret, Lola Loud?"
"Lola, wait! Don't you want to hear the end of the story?" Lori asked from downstairs as Lincoln gasps knowing Lola is coming and hides the bugged tiara in his cap. Lola comes up to her room and gasps in shock.
"BUSTED!" Lola said but she's actually scolding her teddy bear before she shivers, "I said, no sweets before dinner, Mr. Sprinkles! Brr! It's cold in here."
She sees her window open while Lincoln is holding on by the sill and closes it on his fingers. Lincoln falls and screams and lands on a cactus.
"YOWCH! Where the hell did this cactus come from?" Lincoln said as he sees another note attached to it, "If you landed here, it means you were snooping in my room. Enjoy the pricklies. Signed, Lola."
"Wow, that girl is one big sneaky-ass lying moron," Lori explained.
"Nice tiara, Loud!" The neighbor noticed the tiara on Lincoln's head, "What are you doing? Training for a beauty pageant?"
"Actually, yes," Lori filled in, "I'm helping him train for a beauty pageant. It's what a good-hearted person like me does."
"Oh. Well, good luck with that!" the neighbor informed.
Later, at a pageant training center...
"No one has dirt on Lola Loud?" Lincoln said as Lola's competitors scream in fear upon hearing Lola's name and run away.
"Whoa! What did she do to these girls?" Lori asked when suddenly...
"Psst! Over here!"
They turn around and see a pair of eyes sticking out of a closet door. With no one looking, they both approach the closet, and a pair of hands drag them in. The room is pitch black and only the eyes are visible.
"Hey. I'm going to help you. Not because I like you, but because I'm tired of always coming in second place to Lola!"
"Wait. Is this Lindsey Sweetwater?" Lincoln asked.
"Yes, that's me," the lights come on to reveal Lindsey.
"So, Lindsey. You must be the one getting beaten by Lola each year," Lori explained, "Is that right?"
"Yes, I am, do you guys want the dirt for making it happen or not?" Lindsey said sternly.
"Sorry. Go right ahead. I'm just way ahead of you right now," Lori said just before Lindsey whispers a secret to them, causing them to gasp loudly, "Mother of god!"
Back at the Loud House, Lori and Lincoln have just told all their sisters Lola's secret, leaving them completely flabbergasted, "Oh dear," Luan said in fear.
"Man, that is juicy," Lynn said as the sisters look over to her, who is actually talking about the burger she's eating, "And you got some really good dirt on Lola, too."
The sisters have a dull expression while they lower their eyebrows, except for Luan, who snaps her fingers at her for telling such a good joke.
"Yep, and now, thanks to Lindsey Sweetwater telling us Lola's secret, it's time to grow up like real children do and take her down and punish her for real!" Lori explained to everyone as they begin cheering.
In Lana and Lola's room, Lola became terrified after she heard the secret about her, "Holy mother of Christ!" Lola said as all of her siblings are surrounding her angrily and she was terrified, "All right. I'll explain. Who told you about the secret that I had?" Lola asked them.
"It was Lindsey Sweetwater. She told us about the whole thing," Lori said angrily as Lola gasped in shock.
"Aah! Lindsey Sweetwater?" Lola screamed in fear.
"That's right! She said that she was going to help me and my kids because she was tired of always coming in second place to you!" Lori yelled sternly at Lola.
"What else is gonna happen now? I'm afraid you're gonna hurt me," Lola said terrified.
"If you tell your parents our secrets, we'll tell them yours!" Lincoln said sternly.
"Yeah, and if your tattles get Lincoln grounded, I'll wash your mouth out with soap and water..." Lori said sternly as Lola gasps in shock, "...and store all of your tiaras and gowns into storage..." Lola becomes scared, "...and I'll top it off by putting you in a baby T-shirt and a diaper and there's no way you'll be getting out of that punishment," and Lola gulps in fear, "Now if you'll excuse us, those of us who can trust each other are going to go hang out."
The siblings leave while Lola looks on with guilt and despair, realizing they got the upper hand. Later in Lori and Leni's room...
"So then, kaboom! Mom and Dad's bedspread was burnt to a crisp!" Lisa said before Luan barged into the room with a bowl of popcorn.
"Guys! I just saw Lola marching into Mom and Dad's room! I think she's ratting us out!" Luan said as the kids begin to chatter nervously.
"She wouldn't dare!" Lincoln said angrily.
"If she's taking us down, we're taking her down with us!" Lori shouted as the siblings all rush downstairs and approach their parents' bedroom. Lola walks out with a depressed expression.
"Thank you for telling the truth, Lola. But for being such a tattle-tale to all of us, your father and I have no choice but to punish you," Rita said sternly to Lola, "You're grounded for a month."
"And that means you're going to have to try to get along with your sisters," Lynn Sr. said sternly, "Now get up to your room, and don't come out unless we call you," Lola nods as she glumly walks away while the others look on dumbfounded.
"You're grounded? Wait, what's going on?" Lincoln asked Lola.
"You guys are off the hook. I took the blame for all the stuff you did," Lola said as the siblings gasp in shock.
"Even the knockout I suffered?!" Lori said in fear.
"No. But I did take the blame for what happened to you, Lori," Lola replied as Lori sighs in relief.
"But why would you do that?!" Lincoln said sternly.
"Cause all I really wanted was to be included in your group," Lola said in sadness.
"Then why'd you threaten to tell on us and make us do all that stuff?" Lori asked sternly to Lola.
"It was the only way I could get you to hang out with me! But then I realized I went about it the wrong way. Instead of using your secrets against you, I should have tried to earn your trust," Lola said as she was heading upstairs, "So from now on, that's what I'm going to work on," her voice started breaking, "If anyone needs me, I'll be up in my room for the next 30 days. Care packages welcome," Lola sadly parts off, as her siblings look on with sadness.
"Oh, dear. That poor little girl," Lori said sadly.
"Mom, I think she has some issues to deal with," Lincoln said sadly.
"I do too, hon," Lori said, "We should probably check up with her."
In Lola's room, she is playing a dirge on a harmonica and is now wearing a denim prison uniform and a pink bandana with her hair now more curled. Lincoln knocks on her door and comes in with Lori behind her.
"Hey, Lola, you know, we talked it over the whole thing," Lincoln said to Lola.
"And it was best that we decided that... you're in! You've earned our trust!" Lori said happily.
"Wow, for real?" Lola asked happily.
"Yep," Lori agreed before Lola rips off her uniform and reveals her normal outfit and starts dancing with joy, "OH, YES YES YES YES!" Lola said happily as the club comes in to talk about their secrets with their new member.
Aw, so you guys won't believe how bad I messed up the other day!" Lynn said as her siblings' curiosity is piqued, "I was in the living room, practicing my pile driver with Mom's ironing board.
As Lynn talks about her secret, Lola is so happy to hear every detail. Soon, the meeting is over and the kids are all wrapping up as they head back to their rooms while Lana goes into the bathroom.
"Aw, you guys! That was so fun! Thanks!" Lola said waving goodbye, "Everybody get home safe!"
"Lola?" Lori asked as Lola turns to her, "It's important that you do not tell anyone else about what happened to me! I'm very curious about it, so please keep it to yourself!"
"You don't have to worry about a thing. From now on, all your secrets are safe with me..." Lola said as Lori and Lincoln leave and Lola closes the door, and starts talking to someone, "So, you'll never believe what Lynn did!" and it's revealed that she's whispering Lynn's secret to her stuffed animals. Later, back outside the door.
Well, what did you expect? She's Lola Loud, my pageant-obsessed but beautiful sister," Lori said to the viewers, "It's not like they'll tell anyone on her.
"That's because she's good at keeping secrets like us," Lincoln said to Lori before they both head outside together.