I do not own anything in these stories. All rights go to the creator Chris Savino and the current showrunner, Michael Rubiner. This episode is a partial parody of the another SpongeBob episode "Pickles." The rights of that show go to the late great creator Stephen Hillenburg (R.I.P.) and its current showrunners Marc Ceccarrelli and Vincent Waller.
It was early afternoon of Monday, May 12, 1986 at Gus's Games and Grub Snack Bar and Arcade. It was another ordinary day at the pizzeria/snack bar.
The workplace's cashier man, Jeffrey, greeted a customer who happens to be Mollie, "Welcome to Gus's Games and Grub, where you get to have fun and snack at the same time. My name is Jeffrey. Would you like to play some games or did you just come here to eat something?"
"Well, uh... no, Jeffrey," Mollie replied, "I just came here to get myself some lunch."
"Well, all right then, may I take your order, please?" Jeffrey asked her.
"Hmmm... uhh... oh, I'll have a..." Mollie tried to order as Jeffrey takes out the pencil and the paper, "...no," Jeffrey puts the pencil and the paper away, "Maybe..." Jeffrey takes out the pencil and the paper, "...no," but Jeffrey puts the pencil and the paper away and becomes irritated, "Hmmm... I'll have..." Jeffrey takes out the pencil and the paper again, "...no. Or maybe..."
"Are you planning on ordering today, Mollie?" Jeffrey asked, slightly irritated.
"Um, I'll have a well-cooked cheese burger," Mollie suggested and Jeffrey proceeds to write the order down.
"How original," Jeffrey replied.
"And with extra onions, please," Mollie added.
"Daring today, aren't we?" Jeffrey said happily and he takes the order and shows it to Lori, "Lori, one cheeseburger with extra onions."
Lori, who was in the kitchen, then takes the piece of paper and she puts it with the rest of the orders.
"All right! One crying Lily coming right up!" Lori called before she cracks her knuckles and makes the food, "First bun, then patty, followed by ketchup, mustard, pickles, extra onions, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and bun, in that order."
"One cryin' Lily, up!" Lori called as she came back to the serving area and rang the bell.
"Whatever," Jeffrey replied as he took the cheeseburger with extra onions and handed it to Mollie.
"Gee, thank you. You're a good servant," Mollie said happily as she heads to a table.
A moment later, Peter Griffin comes up to Jeffrey, "Oh hey, Jeffrey. Chris and I are just coming here to get us some lunch."
"Well, if that's the case, then may I take your order, Griffin?" Jeffrey said as he takes out the pencil and the paper.
"I think we would like to have twelve hamburgers on wheat buns, please," Peter suggested as Jeffrey wrote down the order..
"Wow! This is really exciting today, isn't it," Jeffrey said to Peter before he comes to the kitchen and relays the order to Lori, "Twelve hamburgers on wheat buns!"
Lori serves twelve hamburgers immediately as they begin to appear on the plate in rapid speed, "Bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun."
"One dozen cryin' cows on the farm! Up!" Lori called as the passes the plate with twelve hamburgers to Jeffrey.
"Thanks, Farmer Loud," Jeffrey said as he gives the plate to Peter Griffin, "It's been a thrill serving you."
"Well, Can Chris and I both get some extra salt?" Peter Griffin asked him.
"We're all out, Griffin," Jeffrey informed.
Peter then asked again, "Well, could you at least check in the back? It would be a pleasure for my son."
"No!" Jeffrey replied.
Peter Griffin then glared at Jeffrey and he and Chris both walked off with the burgers for him and Chris. Then a large overweight man came up to order. He was wearing glasses and wore a tank top that was small on him so his belly was exposed. He also wore shorts and sandals.
"Let me guess, shorty. A small salad?" Jeffrey jokes.
The man told his order as Jeffrey wrote it down. "I'll take a double triple bossy deluxe on a raft, four by four animal style, extra shingles with the shimmy, and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it and let it swim."
But it turns out Jeffrey didn't write down the whole order. "We serve food here, sir."
Lori then comes out with a double cheeseburger, "Hey Jeffrey, did we get another order for..." suddenly, she sees the customer and gasps before she glared, "It's Big Bert."
Big Bert glared at Lori before he pushes Jeffrey away, "Lorraine Marie Loud!" and he walks to Lori while she gives out a small gulp, "I hear talk you make a mean double cheeseburger."
"Yep." Lori replied while she stared at Big Bert, "And I hear talk that you're kind of picky."
"Yep." Big Bert hissed as he stared back at Lori with an angry look on her face.
"Well then..." Suddenly, Lori's tone went from angry to happy, "Here you go! Your very own double cheeseburger!"
Lori then handed the double cheeseburger to Big Bert. Bert took it and went to sit down at a table. Others stared at him as he inspected the double cheeseburger until he finally decides to take a bite and starts eating it.
Lori then comes up to Big Bert and asked him something, "Well, Big Bert, what do you think of the burger that I made?"
"This is actually pretty good." Big Bert admitted before he said something else, "But there's only one thing wrong with it."
"And what's that?" Lori asked him.
Big Bert then raised his voice to Lori, "You FORGOT THE PICKLES!" and shows that there are no pickles in the cheeseburger, much to Lori's shock.
Everyone gasps upon this and Lori realizes this.
"No!" Lori cried in fear.
"The best there is? I don't think so, Lorraine!" Bert said angrily to Lori, "You lose!" before he laughed weirdly.
"Bu... but the pickles should be right where they always are." Lori cried as she starts checking the burger, "I know I put them on!" but the customers are disappointed while Lori tears the burger apart, finding the pickles, "Where are those damn pickles? Pickles? Pickles? Pickles? Where the hell are they?!"
Big Bert walked up to Mr. Gamesngrub who was drinking his coffee, but also throws Jeffrey out of the way again, causing him to crash into the cash register. Bert then said, "I believe you owe me two bucks, Mr. Gamesngrub."
Mr. Gamesngrub suddenly then spit out his drink in response and yelled, "What the...?! TWO WHOLE BUCKS?!" as he did it in shock.
"Your guarantee, sir." Big Bert pointed to the menu, which had the words "money back guarantee" on the bottom, but you could barely see them since the font was so tiny. Mr. Gamesngrub squinted.
"Oh yeah, that. Well, can't we talk about this?" Mr. Gamesngrub said as he took out the money.
"No." Bert pulled on his money but Mr. Gamesngrub didn't let go.
"How about a discount on restroom tokens?" Mr. Gamesngrub suggested, "Or maybe some tokens for arcade games?"
"Afraid not." Bert growled as he started to leave the place as Mr. Gamesngrub was being dragged on the floor.
"How about a free glass of water? A dozen free glasses of water? With ice!" Mr. Gamesngrub screamed but Bert took his cash and left and he cried, "No! Come back!" Mr. Gamesngrub cried. "Two dollars! Two dollars! No!"
The boss then came up to Lori who was still looking for the pickles.
"Mr. Gamesngrub, I know I put pickles on that cheeseburger!" Lori confessed, "They should be where they always are!"
Mr. Gamesngrub then grabbed Lori in an angry manner and screamed, "Those two bucks are comin' out of your paycheck, young lady!" as he dragged her back to the kitchen.
"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Lori screamed before Mr. Gamesngrub tossed her back into the kitchen.
"Get the hell back to work, young lady! We've got orders waiting!" Mr. Gamesngrub yelled.
Jeffrey then showed up and called for Lori, "I need a burger with a side of fries for Meg Griffin!"
Lori then went back to a table to make another burger.
"Okay, I am not going to blow it this time," Lori said as she tries to prepare another burger, "Let's see. Bun down. Then ketchup, then mustard, then pickles? No! That's not right!" she throws it out and starts a new burger, "Bun down. Mustard, then ketchup, lettuce, then the pickles? No!" and she tries it again, "Mustard down, bun stuff down, d'oh, where does the patty go?" and she tries again but she uses the same bun, "Pickles, ketchup, wait! Gah! Damn it, I'm losin' it! Come on! Please think, Lori! Think! Think!" and she tries again once more, "Bun down, shoe, mustard, pan, bun... Aw no!"
Mr. Gamesngrub then comes in and Lori cried, "Mr. Gamesngrub, I am so confused. I can't remember how to do anything."
"Well, why don't you take the rest of the day off, big girl?" Mr. Gamesngrub said softly to Lori.
"Oh no, Mr. Gamesngrub," Lori said sadly as she pleaded her boss, "Who will make the burgers, or the hot dogs or the fries or the nachos?"
"Oh, don't worry about that, Lorraine," Mr. Gamesngrub replied, "We've got Jeffrey!"
"Huh? What was that?" Jeffrey said from outside.
Lori then came out and said to herself, "Mr. Gamesngrub is right. I literally need to get my head straight by tomorrow morning. All right, now was it bun, patty, ketchup..." and she looks up and notices that the door is not there, "The door! The door! Where's the door?" and she starts screaming, "Mr. Gamesngrub! The front door is missing!"
But it reveals that Mr. Gamesngrub was seen opening the door a couple feet away.
Oh," Lori laughs nervously, "Sorry about that, Mr. Gamesngrub. This pickle thing has really got my head all messed up. I better go on home and rest my brain," and she walks out but then she comes back, "Uhh, excuse me? Which way do I live?"
Mr. Gamesngrub points to a direction, it turns out that he is pointing to the right.
"Right, of course," Lori said as she went back home, "See you tomorrow."
Later that day, back home at the Loud House, Lori was on the couch in the living room trying to write down the burger formula.
"No, no! Come on! Please think! Was it bun, patty, bun..." Lori screamed as she scribbled through the papers in confusion, "Let's see, tomatoes, pickles, bun? No. Bun? No. Bun? No. Shoe? NO!"
Lori then throws the pad of paper and pencil in frustration and screamed as she has used up a bunch of paper that were now scattered on the coffee table.
"Goddamn it, I am so confused!" Lori screamed in frustration.
Rita then came in holding Lily and asked her, "Lori, are you still trying to figure out how to make a burger?"
"Yes, Mom!" Lori yelled in frustration as Lily walked over to her, "I can't believe I forgot how to make a Crying Lily."
"Cwing Wiwy?" Lily asked.
"No, not you, sweetie," Lori replied to her daughter Lily, "I was referring to a cheeseburger. God, this is stressing the living hell out of me!"
"Maybe a good night's sleep will help you get your head on straight," Rita suggested.
"I guess you're right, Mom," Lori replied, "If I get a good night's sleep tonight, I should be fully recovered by tomorrow morning."
Later that night, Lori was only wearing her light pink bodysuit which was her underwear as she got ready for bed and she yawned before she said, "Okay, now how do I sleep on a bed again? Let me think. Was it mattress, sheets, and then Lori? Or..." but then she hits her head, "Come on, Lori! Please think, Lori! You gotta figure this out!" but then she gets an idea, "Oh yeah! It was Lori, mattress, sheets, and then pillow."
Lori then went under the mattress and Lincoln was watching and Lori finally said, "Goodnight, my dear Lincoln."
Lincoln then asked her, "Uh, Mom? Are you sure you're doing this right?"
Lori realized it, "D'oh, aw man, this isn't right." Lori said in fear as she laid on the sheets, "Good night, Lincoln."
"Mom..." Lincoln said, irritated.
"Wait, please don't tell me, Lincoln!" Lori said in her maternal tone, "I can figure this out because I'm almost an adult."
Once Lori finished, she continued to switch places throughout the night, "Nope! Uh-uh! Negative! Come on! Come on, damn it! Get it right!"
It began to irritate Lincoln so much that he decided to go back to his own bedroom while Leni was watching.
"That's right, Lincoln! Move that little butt of yours back to your bedroom!" Leni said, impressed as Lincoln left the room to go sleep in his own.
"Leni, please leave me alone," Lincoln denied as he went back to his bedroom.
As the night progressed, Lori kept on switching places on her bed throughout the night, "Wrong. Wrong! Wrong! Nope! Naw! Negatory! No!"
Lori kept doing the wrong things as the clock fast-forwards to the morning of May 13, 1986, and the rooster crows where the alarm clock goes off when it his 6:30 A.M.
When morning struck, Lori is on the floor under her bed and she screamed, "Aw, goddamn it! I almost had it!"
When Lori came out of the bed, she was all disheveled and is a mess of herself, especially her hair and was still wearing only her underwear as she came out to turn off her clock.
"Agh! How the hell do I turn this stupid thing off?" Lori thought to herself, "Think, think, think!"
Leni, who was wearing her nightgown, then came to her, "Grrr! You don't even know how to turn off an alarm clock, Lorraine?!" Leni growled.
"No, Leni! I don't!" Lori replied nervously, but then she gets an idea, "Aha! That's it! Leni!"
With that, Lori grabs Leni's hand and used it to turn her alarm clock off and it went off and she spoke to herself, "Great thinking, Lens!"
Suddenly, Leni swatted her hand back. "Don't even think about it, twerp!" Leni growled furiously, causing Lori to gulp.
"Okay, I should probably get myself moving today," Lori spoke nervously as she went to get ready.
Later that day, at Gus's Games and Grub, there was smoke coming from the kitchen. Jeffrey used a fire extinguisher to blow it away as Mr. Gamesngrub came in.
"Okay, boss, the patties and wieners are done." Jeffrey informed him.
Mr. Gamesngrub then saw the patties and wieners were burnt and blackened and was very unimpressed, "Urgh, Jeffrey."
Outside, customers were very unhappy.
"I can't believe this! He burnt our cheeseburgers!" Homer Simpson complained.
"He burnt our fries!" Bart Simpson complained.
"He burnt the pizza that Brian ordered for us!" Stewie Griffin complained, "Who the deuce does Jeffrey think he is?!"
"And he even burnt my nachos! This is ridiculous!" Carol complained.
Mollie briefly drinks her burnt drink until realizing it is burnt and complained, "And he burnt my drink as well!"
In response, the angry customers left while they all angrily yelled and mumbled.
"No! Come back!" Mr. Gamesngrub cried, "No! No! Ooh! I gotta get Lori back!"
Mr. Gamesngrub went over to the Loud House on 1216 Franklin Avenue. He saw a toaster hanging from the front door. He opened the door, went inside the house and called for the oldest sibling, "Lori?!"
Inside, he saw the living room was a mess. The couch was knocked over, there were hamburger patties and hot dogs on the TV, eggs splattered onto the walls with darts stuck to them, and other things were out of place.
"Uh, Lori?" Mr. Gamesngrub called for Lori.
Suddenly, Lori showed up in her normal outfit, but also wearing a pair of Lincoln's white briefs on her head, "Mr. Gamesngrub. Hello. Do you how do?"
"Why are you talking funny, girl?" Mr. Gamesngrub said as he removed the underwear from Lori's head.
"I anything can't do right since because pickles," Lori said confusingly.
"Nonsense, Lori,"Mr. Gamesngrub replied, "You'll be back to makin' hamburgers and hot dogs and pizza for all of us like your old self in no time!"
"I don't think ready back to go to work, Mr. Gamesngrub," Lori said confusingly as she walks off.
"But you're fine, sweetheart!" Mr. Gamesngrub said before Lori suddenly bumped into a wall, then went into the kitchen, "Or maybe not."
Lincoln then showed up and then explained, "Hello, sir. As you can see, Mom appears to have lost her confidence because of the Pickle Incident yesterday."
"Don't worry, Lincoln, I'll help your mom out," Mr. Gamesngrub replied.
"Glad to hear that, cause I can't take another minute of this," Lincoln said as he went back upstairs to his room..
Lori was in the kitchen pouring juice and cereal into a pot. Her boss then came in and said, "Look, Lori, all we have to do is get your confidence back so you can make me more money, and bring in customers."
"I how do that, boss?" Lori asked Mr. Gamesngrub.
"It's like riding a bike, dear. You never forget." Mr. Gamesngrub said before he saw a bike in a pot that was on the stove. "Uh...I'm gonna help you, Lori."
With that, Lori and Mr. Gamesngrub were sitting on the couch in the living room, where things were back in place.
Mr. Gamesngrub then explained, "All right, girl! Listen very carefully. If you can learn how to make a regular burger, your life will be back in order."
With that, he opened a mat that consisted of a hamburger bun, a patty, a slice of cheese, two slices of onions, two slices of tomatoes, a slice of lettuce, a few pickles and bottles of ketchup and mustard and laid it on the table.
Lori tried to confess, "But sir, I don't even know if I..."
But Mr. Gamesngrub silenced her, "Come on, girl. Just take a deep breath and take your time."
With that, Lori looked at the ingredients for a long while. Later as time passed, it was nighttime. During the nighttime hours, Lori finally reaches for a bun and Mr. Gamesngrub wakes up and gets excited.
But Lori puts the bun back down and said to herself, "Wait. Just give me some more time to think. I still have to take my time."
More time passed and it was now the morning of May 14, 1986. Lori and Mr. Gamesngrub were still sitting on the couch but the latter has fallen asleep.
Suddenly, Lori finally comes to her sense, "Wait! I got it! I got it!" Lori yelled, waking her boss up, "It's all become very clear to me now, Mr. Gamesngrub!"
"It is?" Mr. Gamesngrub spoke happily.
"Yes! I finally realized that I can't do it!" Lori began to cry, "I just cannot do it, Mr. Gamesngrub! I'm just a failure!"
"Come on, sweetheart, don't talk like that!" Mr. Gamesngrub spoke softly.
"Don't you get it, you little arcade-owning runt!" Lori snapped, "I can't make a double cheeseburger with the works!" and she makes the burger as she tells him the ingredients, "I can't put a patty on a bun, with lettuce, cheese, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and top bun together in that order!"
Suddenly, Lori realizes that she just put the burger together in the right order.
Mr. Gamesngrub smiled to Lori, "Lori. It's time."
With that, Lori and her boss return to Gus's Games and Grub Snack Bar and Arcade with Lori back in her restaurant uniform. Once they entered, Lori goes into the kitchen and pushes Jeffrey out, who is burned and blackened due to his incompetency. Afterwards, Lori gets a fire extinguisher and she sprays foam on Jeffrey.
Outside, Mollie was surprised to see that Lori was back in the place.
"Lori is back?!" Mollie then called for everybody, "Hey, everybody! Lori Loud is back!"
Other people including Bobby and Lincoln heard Mollie and became happy to see the young woman working again as they went inside the restaurant/arcade.
Inside the kitchen, Lori looked at herself in her spatula and smiled.
Then Big Bert came in and pushed through the customers.
"I hear Lori Loud is back!" Big Bert informed as Lori opens the kitchen door.
"I'm right here, Big Bert," Lori said bravely.
"I thought I ran you outta town!" Big Bert said as he spits a loogie into a bucket.
"This is where I belong when I have a job," Lori said as she twirled her spatula around and blows into it.
Bert then roared at her before Lori gave out her own, "Roar."
The crowd gasped. Now the tension was real. Big Bert got out a fork and knife while Lori held out her spatula, and the two glared at each other as the people stared. Mr. Gamesngrub is sweating with anticipation, and Jeffrey was looking at himself in the mirror but then looked at the scene in front of him.
"Give me the regular burger, Lori!" Big Bert ordered. "And this time don't forget the pickles!"
Lori then zipped back into the kitchen and out with a hamburger in her hand in a second, "Don't worry. I didn't."
Big Bert took his sandwich and took a bite. Mr. Gamesngrub sweated. Jeffrey looked in the mirror again but then looked back at the scene frowning and Lori smiled confidently.
"Still no pickles, Lorraine!" Big Bert yelled.
This causes Lori to look surprised.
"See?" Big Bert said as he opened his mouth wide and showed the chewed up hamburger meat on his tongue, much to everyone's disgust.
"You failed again, Lorraine Marie Loud!" Big Bert said before he did his weird laugh again, but this time, Lori noticed something.
"Wait a minute!" Lori yelled as she grabbed Big Bert's tongue to reveal four pickles under it. "Look! He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time!"
"And there's the pickles from last time, too!" Mr. Gamesngrub mentioned.
"And there's my car keys!" Carol complained.
Everyone glared at Big Bert angrily. Bert gulped. "And..there's my ride."
With that, he quickly ran out of the pizzeria/snack bar.
Back inside, Mr. Gamesngrub, Lori and Jeffrey stood in front of the customers.
"Three cheers for the return of our master cook of this place, Lori Loud!" Mr. Gamesngrub announced. "Hip hip!"
"Hooray!" The crowd cheered. Even Jeffrey cheered but not as cheerfully, "Hooray!
"Hip hip!" Mr. Gamesngrub shouted.
"Hooray!" The crowd and Jeffrey cheered, "Whoop-de-doo!
"Hip hip!" Mr. Gamesngrub shouted.
"Hooray!" The crowd and Jeffrey cheered, "Oh boy!
Lori then announced as Jeffrey smiled, "And three cheers for the chef who took my place while I was gone! Jeffrey! Hip Hip!"
But suddenly...
"Boo!" the crowd booed and Jeffrey is shocked and frowns. The frown becomes more droopier with each "Boo".
"Hip hip!" Lori shouted.
"Boo!" The crowd booed Jeffrey again.
Scene changes to outside of the pizzeria/snack bar.
"Hip hip!" Lori shouted.
"Boo!" The crowd booed Jeffrey once more.
"Hip hip!" Lori shouted.
"BOO! YOU STINK, BASTARD!" Brian Griffin scolded Jeffrey.
And with that, everything went back to normal at Gus's Games and Grub for the rest of the day.