Mass Effect 1
Night and Day: From Akuze to Earth and Back Again
Chapter 6 – Noveria III
"We could take her to the doctor here."
"I just don't like it. None of those people feel right. I wouldn't trust them as far as I could—. Hey, you're back."
Ashley had fallen next to Benezia's body. Her head was pounding, and she could feel the rough floor digging into the back of her head. She sat up and waited patiently for the room to stop spinning. Shepard waved her omni-tool over Ash's body, noticeably slowing when she reached the bandage.
"You need to keep that leg raised." Shepard told her, gently. Ashley watched her bend down and as she did, she raised her eyebrow, wordlessly asking permission. At Ashley's nod, Shepard lifted the leg and rested Ashley's foot casually against her own thigh. Liara and Shepard watched her closely for a little bit. It made her feel awkward, self-conscious. It was a rookie mistake to collapse like that; common after that kind of injury to pass out once the adrenaline has left the system. Liara and Shepard eventually stopped paying any particular attention to her, in fact, Shepard began resting her arm on Ashley's foot as it were furniture. They were discussing what to do with Benezia's body.
"Shepard, asari do not see the body as particularly important after death."
"But surely we should—"
"I imagine it can all be organised when we return to Port Hanshan." Liara sounded firm. Shepard, in contrast, sounded frustrated. Ashley could not contribute here. Catholic values are not asari values; her beliefs had no place. Still, out of habit more than anything Ashley found herself mentally reciting the prayer for the faithful departed. Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. She immediately felt ridiculous. She scratched the back of her head in frustration. There was something there, underneath her head. She flinched with her whole body, as she remembered the baby rachni, but settled as she realised it didn't sound or feel organic. She tugged at the thing tangled in her hair and pulled it out. It was a necklace. A beautiful one. The pendant was silvery but made of an unfamiliar metal that was almost pearlescent. It had soft curls like a seashell; from some angles it looked like a woman with her arms stretched out to either side, and from other angles it looked nothing like that at all. It might have been Benezia's. Ashley decided to give it to Liara, but she and Shepard were still discussing their next moves and the potential logistics of returning to Port Hanshan. It did not look like a good time to interrupt. Ashley lay quietly.
"We're taking the tram back. Just through these doors. Think you can make it?"
There was only one answer to that. Ashley rolled to her feet. Liara gathered up her weapons. Shepard collected her helmet. They left Benezia, without looking back.
They shared a compartment again. Ashley was on the floor once more, Shepard cradling her raised leg; Liara sat opposite Shepard, lost in thoughts of her mother and the happy years they had spent together, brought to such a violent end. Ashley looked up at Liara from her prone position and reached up behind her head to awkwardly pat Liara on the knee. Liara seemed suddenly aware of her surroundings. She looked down at Ash expectantly, so Ash let the necklace drop softly into the asari's lap. Liara's face immediately transformed. It crumpled. She turned to Ash with moist eyes and grasped Ash's hand tightly with her own. There would be time enough for grief and apologies, time when they didn't feel so raw, so stretched thin. Shepard's eyes were closed, and she was breathing softly. Ashley wiggled herself into a more comfortable position, careful not to jostle the sleeping commander, and allowed her breathing to relax. Her combat scanner showed no hostiles, as they zipped through the tunnels, but Ashley found herself listening for the scraping sound of a fork on a plate despite that.
There was very little to distract her from her thoughts. It was unlikely that Liara would be fit for combat duty for a long while. That kind of trauma leaves a scar on the soul that takes time to heal; the kind that might never heal completely. Ashley's own recovery would also take some time. She waved her omni-tool over her leg and the med program showed muscles, bones, veins, and arteries, as well as the slug that was lodged in her thigh. Ashley had been extremely lucky. And stupid. There had been armour scattered throughout that complex, they might have even managed to buy some from the elcor on Rift Station. She rubbed her forehead in self-recrimination and sighed through her nose. The tram continued inexorably on through the dimly lit tunnels. Liara was almost entirely still except for her hands which rubbed the edges of the pendant. The tram was uniformly grey, hard plastic and metal with softened edges. She tried to imagine workers on their morning commute, exchanging pleasantries with friends and co-workers, the smell of warm coffee mingling with other human smells. The carriage was surprisingly clean. For all the life held within its fabricated walls each day, there wasn't a scuff mark or crumpled coffee lid in sight. Not for the first time, Ashley found herself marvelling at human ingenuity. And human folly.
The tram began to gently decelerate. Ashley almost didn't notice it at first. It was the change in temperature that first warned her they were getting close to Peak 15, then the quality of light changed. Daylight streamed in through the tram windows. The light blazed in uninvited, violating the calm of the sanctuary they had created, it bounced dazzlingly off the grey surfaces turning them a blinding white. When it reached Liara's pendant it morphed it into a radiant dragonfly that cast rainbows onto Liara's white armour and when it reached Shepard's face it stopped. It was if the light had found a home for itself. It bathed her in golden luminescence. Ashley suddenly remembered her favourite Yanagihara quote: Beautiful people make even those of us who proudly consider ourselves unmoved by another's appearance dumb with admiration and fear and delight, and struck by the profound, enervating awareness of how inadequate we are, how nothing, not intelligence or education or money, can usurp or overpower or deny beauty. Shepard's eyes flew open and met Ashley's gaze.
"Thank God you're awake. Your snoring sounds like the old tractor we once had on our farm," Ashley told her.
Shepard snorted indelicately. "You didn't grow up on a farm."
Ashley cocked an eyebrow and offered a lopsided grin.
They put extra wrapping around Ashley's leg to protect it from the cold. The environmental seals and climate control elements would not be operating particularly effectively due to the missing plate. They walked with Liara between them, as a protective guard. Getting to the other side of the station was uneventful, but both Ashley and Shepard eyed their scanners restlessly, unwilling to believe that that horrific, sprawling mission was almost over. The trio climbed into the Port Hanshan Mako and began their drive back to the Normandy.
The ceiling lights were too bright. She came to herself slowly, drunkenly.
"Commander Shepard?"
"I'm here." Ashley felt movement beside her. Felt a warm hand squeeze her own, and she returned to the darkness.
"Chief Williams, I know you are a tank, but you need to start thinking." Ashley's head was bowed, and Doctor Karen Chakwas continued her tirade, unchecked. "It was a military outpost. You could have had your pick of replacement armour. You are lucky to still have a leg. I thought geth fired lasers."
"Phasic rounds," Ashley supplied miserably.
"What does that mean exactly?" Karen asked stiffly.
"I don't think anyone really knows yet."
Dr Chakwas continued her ministrations, mercifully in silence. They both looked up when Shepard strode through the doors. Shepard's eyes found Ashley's and stayed there.
"You are to remain here in the med bay for the next two days. Your blood pressure was low, and the anaesthesia took longer than expected to wear off. I'd like to keep an eye on you." She turned to Shepard. "Commander, I will speak with you in your cabin." It was a voice that brooked no argument and Shepard blanched, imperceptibly.
They were not gone long. Karen moved to her desk brusquely, picked up a mug, and left. Shepard stood beside Ashley's bed looking decidedly uncomfortable. She removed something small from her pocket and sat down, running a coin backwards and forwards across her knuckles. Her eyes raised to meet Ashley's, while her hand continued to fidget restlessly with the grey coin. Ashley for her part ignored the coin, choosing instead to watch Shepard's face. She found her micro expressions endlessly fascinating; the crinkled brow, the slightly downturned lips, the clenched jaw, the way her thick eyelashes left spikey shadows on her cheeks under the harsh overhead lights. Ashley watched the fine muscles in her neck twitch as she swallowed.
"I'm so sorry," she said, her hands finally stilling. "I was focused on Liara and Benezia." She paused for a moment, unconsciously playing again with the coin. "I should have found you armour. Should have protected you. It was your first mission with the geth since…"
Ashley felt a spark of irritation. "I don't need protecting."
Both women were very still as they looked at each other.
Shepard moved her hand slowly, slowly towards Ashley's and the touch when it came was feather light. She felt her chest tighten with anticipation, her stomach clenched and so did something lower. It was enough to change her breathing into something quicker and shallower. She rolled her wrist, so her palm faced up, and gently bought the tips of her finger to meet Shepard's. She heard Shepard's breath catch as their sensitive nerve endings met, as they felt electric tingling pass between them. Her fingers kept gently exploring Shepard's strong calloused hands, applying pressure, and gently stroking experimentally. Shepard's hand moved to Ashley's wrist and encircled it with her middle finger and thumb, she clenched and then released. There was a rustling and Shepard's other hand was in her hair. When the kiss came it was slow, tender. Shepard pulled away to assess Ashley's reaction. Her eyes were dark pools. Ashley felt as if her whole body was aflame, blood rushed to her extremities and pulsed there, waiting for the next touch. She raised her head and crashed her mouth against Shepard's and took her hungrily, their two tongues met. Ashley bit Shepard's lower lip as she felt fingers cupping her neck and chin. Shepard raised her head to look down at Ash and her thumb moved up to rest on her lower lip, Ash bit down on that too and then gently sucked on it, and all the while those dark brown pools stared into hers.
Shepard settled herself back into her chair, and they regarded each other quietly, slowly allowing their breathing to steady.
"We can't do this," Ashley said and suddenly the truth of the words settled around her like a shroud.
She had expected Shepard to agree but instead, her shoulders shrugged, and she smiled, "I really, don't see how we can avoid it." It was her deep voice, her pragmatic voice, but Ashley couldn't find any reassurance in her words.
"I love the Alliance. I can't lose my job." Ashley felt panic rising within her.
"That won't happen. I'll protec—" Ashley cut off her words with a look. She hoped it was one of rage and disdain. She hoped Shepard would be able to read the unspoken words in her look: I don't need protecting.
"Yeah. Ok. You're right," Shepard said nodding, though Ashley could not know for sure what she was agreeing with.
Shepard flicked the coin up and caught it deftly. She thumped her fists on her knees as she stood to leave, she patted the edge of the bed briefly, her eyes were looking everywhere but at Ash.
She realised her translator was still disconnected when she heard Shepard mutter, "ahakoa he iti, he pounamu." The doors swished closed behind her with a sense of finality, and Ash was alone again.
Ashley was half-heartedly reading a book when Liara came in. She had mended the clasp on Benezia's necklace and was now wearing it herself.
"It suits you," Ashley tried.
"I gave it to her as a birthday gift, years ago. It is a reminder of better times."
Liara was not keen to talk further about her loss, so they turned to safer topics. She was fascinated by the book, and Ashley was desperate for a distraction. They talked for some time about primitive technologies, books, printing presses, inks, religion, libraries, bookstores, even bookshelves. Ashley pushed her knowledge of these things to her limit, but the asari archaeologist seemed interested in it all. Finally, they talked about poetry, and songs and stories, comparing asari culture to human. Not for the first time, Ash found herself wondering how she could ever have seen aliens as less important than humans. Different; certainly. But not less than. Just a different kind of people.
"So, are we going to the Mu relay next?"
"Shepard is not convinced we have enough knowledge about Saren's plans. The OSD was helpful, but we still don't know where to go from there. The relay could lead to dozens of systems." At Shepard's name Ashley flinched. Her body burned with some inner fire. They both sat in thoughtful silence, one of Ashley's hands fidgeted restlessly. "I am sorry you will not be able to go on missions, you seem to enjoy being active and off the ship."
"You are not wrong, there, Liara" Ashley sighed. Her palm opened to momentarily reveal a coin she had been holding throughout their meeting. "You are not wrong there."
A/N:
Shepard leaves with the words: ahakoa he iti, he pounamu – it means although the gift is small, it is precious. It suggests that the importance is not in the gift itself but it the feelings behind the giving that is what matters. Shepard has given Ashley that coin she was playing with. A little gift that reveals her feelings for Ashley.
Quick note on Māori pronunciation for those with noisy voices in their heads:
Vowels
a – the same sound as the start of the word "aren't"
e – the same sound as the start of "egg"
i – the same sound vowel sound that comes in the middle of the word "heave"
o – the same sound as the start of the word "organic"
u – the same sound as the end of the word "too"
In Māori language, vowels are even in length unless they have a macron above them, in which case that sound is stretched a little bit. If two vowels are written together, blend the sound into one new vowel sound, rather than pronounce each vowel individually.
Consonants
Wh – in most dialects wh sounds like the f at the start of the word "father"
Ng – sounds like the ng in sing (unless you come from that specific place in England where you say it with a very heavy emphasis on the g… it's not like that).
I'm not going to go into more detail than that unless someone really wants me to.