Monsterland, Epilogue

Camp was a sad, sorry affair. They had no tents, sleeping bags, or blankets, so everyone had to find a tree that looked suitably comfortable and hope that it didn't house more than the standard number of creepy-crawlies. All except for Oktavia, of course. It spoke to just how worn out everyone was that Kyoko couldn't even muster the energy to mock-complain about the unfairness of it all.

Dinner wasn't much better. Nobody really was in the mood to ration, so they ate the last of the food they had salvaged from the Remembrance Day feast, which was barely anything. Kyoko still had a few snacks in her pack that had survived, but she decided to hold those back for breakfast. At one point, Charlotte suggested trying to trap rabbits, but as none of them knew a thing about skinning and deboning or even had enough energy for the grisly task even if they did, that idea was quickly squashed.

They didn't even have a fire. They could have lit one without much of a problem, but every now and then they'd hear the sound of a gunship's engine off in the distance. None of them had come close enough to spotting the quartet for several hours, and to be truthful the border guard didn't seem to be trying all that hard to find them, but they weren't about to take any chances. Fortunately, Charlotte still had her portable space heater, with a couple more stashed away in Oktavia's bags, so at the very least they were warm. And most importantly they were together. With the ever present knowledge of what they had just escaped, no one was in the mood to complain about poor camping condition. Just being in a good, old-fashioned human forest with nothing scarier around than wolves made it practically a five star hotel in their eyes.

Kyoko and Oktavia went to bed early, with Oktavia passing out in her seat almost immediately while Kyoko bundled up in the roots of an old oak tree across from her. However, despite being well past the point of exhaustion themselves, Mami and Charlotte stayed up a bit longer, sitting together and watching the skies.

From far off came the now familiar hum of a gunship's engine. Mami winced, but fortunately it didn't last long and quickly faded away.

"I think they're giving up," Charlotte remarked.

Mami's mouth thinned out. "I don't think we can afford to assume."

"I know. It's just…" Charlotte frowned, trying to force her tired mind to form coherent thoughts. "I mean, they did their job, right? They got us out, like they would anyone else. And they don't owe anything to the Alliance or…anyone. So why should they care about catching us again?"

Mami just shrugged, though the troubled look she was giving the skies never left her face.

Despite her reasonable words, Charlotte would have been looking up in much the same way, but she still found herself entranced by just how goddamned beautiful the night sky was. No sickly grey clouds, no orange pustules opening and closing, just a solid field of black dotted with thousands upon thousands of glittering stars.

Watching the stars had been a favorite pastime of theirs on the Nautilus Platform. On weekends, if the weather was nice, they'd take a blanket and a couple bottles of wine out to the walkway and just lie there in each other's arms, enjoying the fresh air and the sound of the ocean lapping at the platform's struts. Out there, they were far enough from the lights of the city to have a full view of the stars.

It was comforting to have them over her head again. Granted, the positions were different, but just seeing them made Charlotte feel better. There were other skies in some of the alien territories that were very lovely themselves, but she didn't care. This was the only sky she needed.

She might have gotten lost in that view forever had Mami not chosen to voice the single most important question facing their little party. "What are we going to do now?"

Charlotte slowly breathed out. "Mami, I wish I knew."

Mami pursed her lips. Then she shifted around, snuggling up under Charlotte's arm. "You know, after we figured out what was going on, I came very close to just letting it happen. Just…just let them catch us. Pin the Cloudbreak fight on us and send us to jail. Anything to let it be over."

Despite the warmth of the space heater, Charlotte found herself shivering. "Yeah. Me too."

"Except it wouldn't have gone that way, would it?"

Charlotte bitterly shook her head. "Nope. No cozy jail time and probation for us. Hey, who do you think got to them? The Void Walkers or the Brothel?"

"Probably the Brothel," Mami said. "I mean, it stands to reason, doesn't it? The news came out right after we broke into their hideout."

"Yeah, but wasn't that newspaper a couple days old at that point?"

"Oh. Oh, that's right. But even so-" Then Mami abruptly stopped talking.

Puzzled, Charlotte glanced over to her. Mami's distressed look had deepened into a full scowl, her nose wrinkled like she had smelled something rotten. "What is it?"

Mami grimaced. "I can't believe we're doing this."

"What, trying to figure out which gang of slimeballs the almighty New Life Alliance sold their souls to?" Charlotte remarked. She shook her head. "Y'know, I spent the whole morning fighting a freaking pack of valks. And before that I was chased out of a cave full of bones by thousands and thousands of dockengauts. And before that I saw what looked like a very nice city go up in flames after the people who lived there found out that it was being run by a bunch of flesh trading assholes. And before that, I spent a week being brainwashed by a perfectly nice and reasonable lady who liked to torture crazy children for profit. All while being chased by a group of demented lunatics that like to hurt people for fun." She breathed out in a way that was part hiss of disgust and part bitter chuckle. "Mami, after seeing all that, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Reibey was really bankrolling the whole goddamn Alliance for PR reasons."

"You're starting to sound like Kyoko when she first arrived."

Charlotte made a face at that, but she shrugged and said, "Well, maybe she had a point. Maybe it was just a nice fantasy. Maybe we were just playing house."

Mami was silent for a time, but not because she was offended. Charlotte could practically see the gears turning in her head as she carefully considered her wife's words. It was a look she had seen several times in the past, usually whenever they were having an argument. As that usually meant Mami was going to come up with something fair, reasonable, and infuriatingly difficult to argue with, Charlotte sighed inwardly and waited.

"Maybe," Mami admitted at last. "Maybe you're right. But you also saw a group of strangers that thought us dangerous criminals and still risked life and limb to save us from those monsters. You saw people standing up to those flesh traders and telling them to get out, even if it cost them their homes. You saw people who were ready to sacrifice everything they had if it meant saving just a few of those tortured children, and were still willing to forgive and help those who had tried to destroy them once Lily's manipulations disappeared."

Charlotte sighed. "Mami, I'm not saying there aren't good people out there, but come on. There's so much ugliness out there too, and it seems to be in charge."

"Then maybe someone should do something about it."

"We were doing something about it," Charlotte reminded her. "We were all set to invade the Withering Lands, remember? That's what got us into this mess in the first place. Face it, Mami. There's a reason the Alliance keeps its head in the sand like it does."

"What about the Etherdale Wayhouse?" Mami countered. "They didn't keep their heads in the sand. They were right there, facing the Persephone Protectorate to save those covens."

Charlotte frowned, but she wasn't quite convinced. "And if it weren't for Annabelle Lee and her lunatics getting insanely lucky, they'd be gone right now, and the Protectorate would still be running that forest."

"But they're not. And if they had stayed out of it, the Protectorate would be running that forest anyway. And if the border guard had settled for putting up those walls and never bothered chasing after anyone that wound up in dockengaut territory, we'd all having spiders crawling through us right now. That's my point. Yes, the good guys lose. Yes, bad people get their way. But if nobody took those risks it would happen anyway, and nothing good would ever be accomplished."

Charlotte sighed. "Okay. Okay, maybe you got a point there. But that still doesn't change the fact that the Alliance is probably crooked and will sell us out in a heartbeat."

"I know, Char. I know."

"Right. Which brings us back to your oh so very poignant question. What in the fuck do we do now?"

Mami sighed. "Well, I guess the first step would be to find someplace safe. We need shelter and food…"

Charlotte's very empty stomach, which she had been trying very hard to ignore, chose that moment to gurgle. She scowled at it. Damned thing didn't even have intestines, and it was still making noises at her. Just because it could.

"Right," Mami said wryly. "If you think Kyoko's been cranky before, just wait."

"Yeah, about that." Charlotte shifted around so she and Mami were face to face. "How are we going to tell her?"

"Huh?"

"You know," Charlotte pressed. She glanced over to Kyoko's still form and lowered her voice. "That we're not going through with the rescue."

Mami closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "So. That's it then?"

"Of course that's it. It was a stupid idea to begin with, even when we were planning on setting out fully supplied with Oktavia stashed somewhere safe. But now?" Charlotte shook her head. "It's been a couple of weeks at the most. Two weeks. And already we've been captured by leechers, attacked by covens, pissed off super criminals, and just barely escaped valks and dockengauts in the same day."

"Okay, okay, I think we've been over that list enough times."

"Sure. But face the facts, Mami. We're dead in the water here. It's nothing short of a frigging miracle that we're still together and in one piece. Even if we don't end up as a gas bag or meat slave or whatever, sooner or later we're going to just crack."

"Don't talk like that," Mami said with a scowl.

"Don't what? Tell the truth? You remember those covens? You remember the way their eyes looked? How long before we're the same."

The look in Mami's eyes wasn't at all crazy, but it was certainly angry. "We are not going to end up like them!" she snapped, drawing back.

"Why?" Charlotte pressed. "Because we've had therapy? That's no permanent fix. Besides, it's not like it cured us." Then a thought occurred to her. "How much samizayn do you have left?"

Mami's cheeks brightened. "What?"

Charlotte raised an eyebrow and waited. Mami glared for a time, but then her face fell and she looked away.

"Yeah," Charlotte breathed out despondently. "That's what I thought."

Mami sighed as well, though hers had a bit more of an edge to it. "Charlotte. Listen to me very carefully. Depression is not the same as utter insanity."

"It's a step though," Charlotte said with a shrug. She turned away, lying flat on her back, one hand gliding over her stomach, feeling where the valk had caved it in. "And the longer this goes on, we'll just be taking more and more and more until we crack."

"Stop it," Mami said through gritted teeth. She turned away abruptly, showing her back to Charlotte. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

Charlotte glanced at her. Then, with another sigh, she said, "It happened to me already. Twice."

Mami stiffened. She slowly turned back toward her wife, the anger in her face giving way to bewilderment. "What?"

"When we were fighting the valks," Charlotte said. Her voice was starting to turn raw, her throat thickening as she spoke. "I managed to knock one of them down. And when I did, I just…" She swallowed. It went down more painfully than she expected. "I don't know. I grabbed a rock and just started bashing it into its throat over and over, even after it was dead. It wasn't even about fighting for survival anymore. I just wanted to kill. Kyoko had to stop me before I splattered myself with venom."

Mami looked troubled. "Charlotte, that was just the heat of battle. That doesn't mean-"

"And after, when the valks got the jump on me," Charlotte said before she could stop herself. "I came this close to letting it out." She held up her hand, with less than a centimeter of space between her thumb and index finger. "I could feel it coming up out of my throat."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know damned well what I'm talking about," Charlotte said, her tone now bitter. "I almost let it out, Mami. Years of keeping it under control, and one really bad day almost let that monster loose."

Mami blinked. Then she said, "But you didn't."

"Next time I will. Probably." She wrapped her hands around herself and found herself shivering despite the warmth from the heaters. "This whole thing's wearing on me, Mami. Like, every day takes away a little bit more. What happens when I can't keep the lid on?" Disgust twisted her stomach, and she turned away, unable to meet Mami's eyes any longer as she muttered, "What happens when you're staring at the monster that took your life away?"

There was a long, rueful pause, and then she felt Mami's soft hand touch her shoulder. Charlotte winced but didn't brush it off. Then she heard Mami softly say near her ear, "I won't be. I'll be looking at you." The hand tugged, gently but insistently, pulling Charlotte back around, and though reluctant, she let herself be turned so that she and Mami were again face to face.

"It doesn't matter how you've changed," Mami said firmly, reaching down to take Charlotte's hand and place them on her chest, over where her heart used to be. "I'll still know that I'm not seeing a monster, I'm seeing the woman that I fell in love with."

Part of Charlotte knew that now wasn't exactly the time to stubbornly hold to her pessimism, she still couldn't forget the feeling of something worming up through her throat, or that of her own sharp teeth cutting her tongue. She thought, as she often did, what it would feel like to have those same teeth slice through her neck. "Sure," she muttered, instinctively drawing away. "Right up until I bite your head off. Again."

As was often the case whenever Charlotte got like that, Mami refused to let her withdraw. "It's not. Like that. Anymore. You can't kill me, Charlotte. Nothing can. And even if you do lose control, I will be there to bring you back, no matter what happens."

Sighing, Charlotte still shrugged Mami's hands off of her and sat up. "So what happens if you've lost yourself too, huh? Or if Oktavia goes back to whatever it was Kyoko saw? And…" She glanced over to Kyoko's still form. "And what about Kyoko? Look, she's already cracking, even more than I am."

"No she's-"

Charlotte shook her head. "She's losing it, Mami." It hurt to bring it up, after everything all the times Kyoko had saved her bacon and everything she put herself through to do so, but it was necessary. "I can tell. She's fought harder than anyone of us, and she's hurt more for it. She's died more, been attacked more, suffered more, and somehow she keeps fighting, even if it means gouging her own eyes out! Okay, that's all brave and heroic and all, but it's scarring her, Mami! She might be the toughest one of us, but that only goes so far! She needs help! We all do, but her most of all!"

And that really was the crux of it all. When Charlotte had first met Kyoko, she had thought her rude and uncouth. Then she had thought her unnecessarily stubborn and hostile and was ready to writer her wife's onetime protégé as a hotheaded jerk in desperate need of a double serving of the humble pie, especially when compared to the much more likeable Oktavia. The fact that just letting Kyoko into their lives had pretty much cost them everything hadn't improved her opinion of the whiny misanthrope any, and she often found herself struggling to understand exactly what Mami and Oktavia saw in her at all.

But since then, she had slowly come to know another side of Kyoko Sakura. She had come to learn of her bravery, of her resourcefulness, of her fighting spirit, and her sheer unwillingness to quit when most people would have just laid down and surrendered. She had also come to know Kyoko's steadfast loyalty to those she judged to be her friends and allies, which had been a little strange at first, given what she had heard of the downward spiral of selfishness and nihilism she had fallen into in the last year of her life. But in time she had come to understand. Kyoko had been jolted out of that dark place and jolted hard. Learning the truth about her purpose as a Puella Magi had evidently shocked some decency back into her, and now that she had it, she was very much unwilling to let it go. Besides, while Charlotte didn't consider herself much of a psychiatrist, she was willing to bet good money that she didn't have that being unable to save her family or Sayaka Miki from themselves had also left their mark. It could explain her pathological need to run headlong into danger to save those she cared about.

However, there was yet another side to Kyoko as well, one that Charlotte was starting to see and even fear a little. That same stalwart spirit that drove her to keep fighting through immense pain and in defiance of unbelievable odds had a cost. Every time she got back up, she left a little bit of herself behind. It wasn't much, but it was adding up.

Despite all of her toughness, despite all of her fighting ability, Kyoko was still a fourteen-year-old girl, one that was already walking around with more hardship and trauma than anyone of any age should have been forced to carry. And though her ironclad will kept her legs moving forward, sooner or later they were going to snap under the weight.

"Kyoko isn't going to break, Charlotte," Mami said, but there wasn't much certainty in her voice.

"Look into her eyes, Mami," Charlotte said. "Really look into them and tell me that again."

Mami had no answer to that. She cast a troubled glance over to the younger her, once her apprentice and partner, now just another lost soul trapped in purgatory.

"So…so what are we supposed to do?" Mami said at last, lifting her arms and letting them drop in helplessness. "Because maybe you're right. Maybe this is breaking us. I mean, look at us! We worried ourselves sick all day thinking that the other was being held by the dockengauts only to get rescued at the last possible second, and we're already sniping at each other."

Charlotte breathed out. "I don't know, Mami. I just don't know. We can't go back, we can't go forward. We're trapped."

Mami bit her lower lip, her eyes speaking of the same fear that was gripping Charlotte's heart. Then without a word she leaned in, her arms encircling Charlotte's waist, her head resting against her chest. Charlotte slipped her arms around her in turn, the two of them lying back together as they sought what comfort they could find in the face of a world that was showing itself to be far more frightening than they ever could have imagined.

…

As it so happened, Kyoko wasn't asleep at all. And she heard every word.

Not that she was about to let them know that. So she remained lying still, pretending to be as dead to this world as she was to the previous one, listening as two of the only three people in the world that she still trusted discussed ending their mission to save Momo from Reibey's clutches and her own diminishing sanity. It was not a pleasant experience.

To be honest, she might have taken greater offense to Charlotte's blunt declaration that their mission was a failure and should be abandoned immediately had not she already said as much to Kyoko's face back at Cattie's Grove. But it still hurt to hear.

But not as much as Charlotte's assertion that Kyoko was losing her mind.

That almost made Kyoko leap up and get into Charlotte's face right then and there. She found herself gritting her teeth, her body knotting up so much that it was a wonder that the others weren't tipped off to the fact that the subject of their conversation wasn't as dead to the world as they might have wanted.

Indignation made her fingers curl into claws. How dare Charlotte say that about her? After all they had just been through together. Kyoko had torn out her own eyes to save her! And now here she was, shit-talking Kyoko behind her back, saying that she had a screw loose.

Kyoko imagined the look on Charlotte's face when the girl she had just gotten done calling crazy suddenly got up and demanded that she say it again to her face. She imagined the shock and embarrassment as Kyoko unloaded into her, calling her out for backstabbing her like that.

She didn't though, and for a couple different reasons, the first being that since this was Charlotte, she would probably just skip over the chagrin entirely and repeat everything she had just said to Kyoko's face. Kyoko may still have some issues with her, but the girl had no problems speaking her mind, she had to give her that.

The other was that, given she had just spent several minutes battling sadistic mental tricks played on her by her own mind, she wasn't sure that Charlotte didn't have a point.

Kyoko slowly breathed out, letting the anger seep away. All right, all right, time to get a grip. Charlotte was just expressing concern. There was no reason to prove her right by flying off the handle. And hey, maybe she was right. Kyoko had been through Hell the last few days. They all had, but as Charlotte had pointed out, Kyoko had taken the brunt of it. And sure, maybe it was leaving a mark. No one could endure the things she was going through and expect to come through it unscathed. Nothing wrong with pointing that out.

Besides, it wasn't like she was nuts. Crazy people never considered whether or not they had lost their minds; they just acted crazy and thought it was normal. So, just by admitting that Charlotte had a point about her needing a little help, that meant that Kyoko wasn't crazy yet. She was just in a bad place. And that was fine. She had hauled herself out of bad places before.

Either way, it sounded like Mami and Charlotte had run out of things to say and had probably fallen asleep. Tonight was definitely not the time to make any sort of future plans. At least in the morning she would have paid off some of her sleep debt. Sure, she would still be hurt, scared, traumatized, and, worst of all, ravishingly hungry, but at least she wouldn't be exhausted. So with that in mind, Kyoko tried to force her body to relax, to stop pretending to be asleep and seek out the real thing.

Wouldn't you know it, sleep wouldn't come.

It just wasn't fair. God, she would have given anything to just drop off into the sweet, warm bliss of unconsciousness and just let the world pass her by; or she would have, had she anything she could afford to lose.

But despite all the times exhaustion or her injuries had caught up with her when the danger had been ever present, now that they were reasonably safe again sleep had decided that it wanted nothing further to do with her.

Growling, she had shifted around over the dirty roots, trying to get comfortable. Okay, okay, she just had to let herself wind down, let her racing thoughts slow down and let the dark take her…

A valk snarled right next to her ear.

Kyoko's eyes snapped open, her heartbeat racing. Her eyes darted back and forth, but she could see nothing of note save for Sayaka snoring away across from her. No, no, there weren't any valks. It was just her mind playing tricks on her. The valks were all dead.

Swallowing, Kyoko pulled her hood over her head and turned over, her knees curling up to her chest. All right, start over. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…

A swarm of spiders scurried out of the earth to crawl over her arm, chewing away at the exposed flesh.

Kyoko jerked sharply, her bare arm tingling. She scratched it furiously but found no signs of anything crawling over it. There weren't even any ants.

Groaning, Kyoko flopped onto her back. She shifted around in her jacket, pulling her bare arm into the shredded sleeve to rest between the jacket and her chest. Her fingers closed over the necklace as she stared up at the sky.

Right then, time to try again. Slow down. Stop worrying. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…

Lily stared down at her, lips curled in amusement, golden eyes flashing as she reached out to seize Kyoko by the head.

Kyoko twitched again, but she fought to keep her eyes closed.

Brooklyn staggered over to her, mouth slobbering, her face misshaped with boils, as she lifted her hammer high to squash Kyoko flat.

Gritting her teeth, Kyoko curled up into a tight ball.

Sayaka turned to her with an empty smile, tears dripping from her eyes. "I've been such a fool," she said.

Kyoko's eyes snapped open, her heartbeat a pounding drum in her ears. Then she sat up.

As predicted, Mami and Charlotte were both sleeping deeply, oblivious to their companion's sleepless plight. And as for Sayaka, she was still snoring away like a freaking chainsaw.

Like she had back at the tent in Cattie's Grove, Kyoko found herself deeply envying the mermaid. How did she do it? Anytime, anywhere, and she could go right to sleep. It had to be some kind of witch thing.

It was with a sense of bitter irony that Kyoko reflected that had her legendary will not kept her from succumbing to despair and becoming a witch herself, she might be better off, maybe lying on a beach in Freehaven or helping coach a kickboxing class or something. Or hell, maybe she would have ended up unknowingly followed her childhood dreams of becoming a professional dancer, all the while blissfully unaware of…well, of everything.

Well, she clearly wasn't going to get anywhere like this. With one last glance at Sayaka's sleeping face, Kyoko got up and stalked out into the forest, hoping to burn some of that restless energy off. It really figured. She had spent the last two days running, jumping, kicking, and otherwise spending every spare drop of power she had, and she still couldn't get her mind and body to relax.

Maybe Charlotte's right, she thought as she stomped through the carpet of dead leaves, her hands shoved into her jacket pocket. Maybe a really do need a shrink.

Once she had gone far enough to feel alone while still remaining within sight of the camp, Kyoko paused for a moment and looked up. Overhead, the moon was shining brightly, surrounded by the stars.

Kyoko spent several moments staring at the sky before turning away with a disgusted shake of her head. It was pretty and all, sure, but it wasn't real. There weren't any real stars up there, and she was pretty sure that the moon was a fake too. It was all just an illusion, a way to give those trapped below something familiar and comforting to keep them contained. Just like Freehaven had been such a beautiful and loving place while just outside of its borders the rest of the world.

With a sigh Kyoko shook her head. "Okay, Big Guy," she said to the air. "Look. We need to talk. See, I'm starting to see a pattern developing here. I try to do the right thing, I ask you for a little bit of an assist, and everything turns to shit. I get ready to end my freaking life to save Sayaka from herself, and all I ask in return is a little happiness. Just a nice dream, that was it."

Her face contorted as bitterness started to seep into her voice. "And what do I get? Less than two days of that happy dream before a fucking Incubator shows up with that bombshell about Momo and ruins everything. I give up that bit of happiness to go save my sister, and everyone else throws away their lives to come help me. We fight a literal war just to get some breathing space, I get in touch just to pass some messages along to my parents, and then this happens. I watched my own arm get torn off and eaten! I had to gouge my own eyes out just so Charlotte wouldn't have to fight alone!" Kyoko's voice rose to a full-on shout, her frustrations boiling over. "Like, what the fuck? Did you do that on purpose?Do you have any control of what goes on down here at all? Or was that just random chance and our luck just fucking sucks?"

Kyoko could feel the lump growing in her throat. She could hear her voice starting to roughen, but she didn't care. There were some things that needed to be said. "Look, when I was down there, I saw this kid, all right? I don't know her name, but you probably do. And she was trapped there, trapped and getting eaten from the inside fucking out by the fucking dockengauts! Hell, she's probably getting eaten right now, and everyone's too scared to go and help her. So where were you, huh? Yeah, I'm grateful for the compass and all, but what about her? What about every other kid that's caught by those monsters? You said that kids were your jurisdiction, and anyone that messes with them would get their ass kicked. What about the dockengauts, huh? Why'd you even make them in the first place? They're torturing kids right now, and you're not doing a damned thing about it! Is this some sadistic punishment for selling our souls? If so, then your rules fucking suck."

Kyoko's eyes had started to moisten, and she had to take a few seconds to regain some measure of control. She didn't care if she was an angry mess or not, but she was not going to cry. Once she had calmed down a bit, she demanded, "And what about the Incubators? They're snatching up kids left and right and getting them sent here! What are you doing about that? Is this some sort of greater good bullshit? Well, if it's so important, why don't you have your kid come down here and take the bullet?"

Letting out a bitter chuckle, Kyoko shook her head. "Except…you did that already, didn't you? You did just that. But it doesn't do us any good. We apparently don't get in on that salvation. We're stuck here. Damned, pretty much. Hell, Elsa Maria was your biggest fan, faith never wavered, and look where that got her." Inhaling deeply, Kyoko shouted out at the fake sky full of fake stars, "So where does that leave us? What are we supposed to do, huh? What am I supposed to do? Tell me what to do!"

No answer.

With a snort of disgust, Kyoko fished Elsa Maria's compass out of her pocket. So far it had proved to be her only reliable connection to the Almighty, so it was going to have to do. "Okay, look," she said to the metal and glass disk. "You did real good back there. Saved my ass a couple times over. Thank you. But I really, really need some kind of guidance. Doesn't have to be anything big. Just…Just give me some kind of direction, okay?"

Unlike how it had behaved back in the dockengauts' tunnels, the needle didn't start spinning in blurring spiral. Instead, it just bobbed this way and that, like any other compass needle without a North to focus on.

Then, without warning and without fanfare, it dipped down, swinging around almost lazily to fixate on a point behind Kyoko.

Frowning, Kyoko turned around. The needle was pointing back to the camp where her friends were still sleeping, completely oblivious to her loud crisis of faith. Or to be specific, it was pointing right at the wheelchair and the blue-haired mermaid snoring away in its seat.

Kyoko's right eyebrow went askew. "Uh, okay. Look, you do know that I found her already, right? Like, that part's over. I need to know where I need to go now."

The needle didn't move. Kyoko extended the arm holding onto the compass this way and that to test it, but the needle remained fixated on Sayaka.

Pursing her lips, Kyoko said, "Okay. Is there some sort of hidden meaning I'm supposed to be getting here? You're not getting all matchmaker on me, are you? Because Sayaka's cute and all, but that's sort of the last thing on my mind right now."

The needle didn't waver.

Kyoko breathed in through her nose and slowly exhaled out of her mouth. Okay. Okay, fine. Maybe the compass had a point. Yeah, their whole adventure had been one circle of Hell after another, but they were free and together. They might have had to endure leechers, covens, gangsters, and monsters, but they had survived and escaped them too, and statistically that just didn't happen. By all rights the Persephone Protectorate should have stopped them cold, and yet they were still somehow moving forward. Well, maybe not exactly forward, but they were moving. And there was something to be said about that.

Sighing, Kyoko slipped the compass back into her pocket and made her way back to camp. Well, either way, her bit of soul-searching hadn't provided the results she wanted. If anything, they had just left her with more questions than before. But with any luck her outburst had worn her down enough to allow the exhaustion to overpower the bewildered cyclone of emotions spinning away in her heart.

Nobody stirred when Kyoko reached the camp. Not even her skyward screams had been enough to disturb them, the lucky bitches. Kyoko looked over to where Mami and Charlotte were sleeping.

The pair were half sitting, half lying against the same tree Sayaka had parked her wheelchair against. From the look of things, they had probably fallen asleep while spooning, with Mami curled up into a tight ball against the taller Charlotte's chest and Charlotte holding her in a protective embrace. But Mami had shifted around in her sleep, her face now nestled against Charlotte's chest and her own arms squeezing her wife's waist. The two looked as drawn out and dirty as would be expected, but for the moment at least they were at peace.

Kyoko stood and watched them for a time. Unlike the night sky, there was nothing fake about the way they held each other. Their affection for one another was wholly pure and natural. Kyoko, who was admittedly something of a cynic when it came to relationships, liked the way they looked when they were together. It reminded her of her parents, before her bad decisions had ruined everything. She even found herself smiling a little despite herself.

But then, her bad decisions were ruining everything now, weren't they? Reibey had played her like a fiddle, preying on her family trauma and caused her to rush into making a very poor decision. And in the domino effect that had followed, Mami and Charlotte had lost everything except each other.

Just like her parents had.

Just like Papa had.

And look where that got them.

Kyoko's smile withered and died. She was doing it again, rushing into what she thought was the right thing without considering how it might affect others. Charlotte was right. She should have waited, should have sought other options, shouldn't have just jumped in like the arrogant know-it-all that she was.

Her shoulders slumping, Kyoko breathed out slowly. But damn, she was starting to remember why she had embraced misanthropy so fully. This whole regretful, bad results from good intentions thing was turning her inside out.

Maybe she should just leave. Remove herself from their lives and give them a chance to rebuild. She still wasn't about to abandon her quest, but there was no sense in continuing to drag them along with her. Sure, they'd be upset and worried and probably carry a grudge against her, but in time they'd understand. As for Kyoko herself, she had always done well when she only had herself to worry about. It's be easier for her to stay under Annabelle Lee's radar, and once she was in the clear, she'd have all the time in the world to get her bearings. No more rushing from place to place, room to take stock and come up with a plan. And in the meantime, Mami, Charlotte, and Sayaka would be free from the burden she was placing upon them.

She almost did. She almost grabbed up what few supplies she could lay claim to and marched off right then and there.

She didn't though, because right about then Sayaka let out a loud snort in her sleep.

Kyoko jerked involuntarily at the unexpected noise. Then she turned to glare at the slumbering mermaid for scaring her. However, it wasn't long before her face softened.

Unlike Mami and Charlotte, Sayaka looked ill at ease. Despite sleeping deeply enough to avoid being disturbed by Kyoko's earlier ranting, her face was still twitching from what were probably dark dreams. Her eyes kept flickering under her eyelids, her upper lip moving as if she were trying to speak. The blunette's right hand was gripping the armrest hard enough to make her knuckles whiten.

Kyoko stared at her, noting every detail, from the way the grease and sweat plastered her shaggy blue hair around her scalp and to her neck (and damn, it was starting to get pretty long) to the way her little button nose kept crinkling like she was suppressing a sneeze to the way the moonlight glistened off the scales of her flame-colored tail. She remembered the frantic way Sayaka had leapt at her when she and Charlotte had been picked up by the gunship, as the fear, anger, and grief at having lost Kyoko had been violently supplanted by relief at seeing her again. She thought back to how despondent Sayaka had been when they had been planning on leaving her behind and how relieved she had looked when that turned out to be impossible.

Mami and Charlotte would miss Kyoko if she left, sure, but Sayaka would probably drive herself mad with worry. And to be honest, Kyoko knew she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she left Sayaka behind either.

Kyoko wasn't an idiot. She had already heard about the so-called "soul resonance" that supposedly developed between a witch and a Puella Magi that fell together, and she knew of the expectations that came with it. But as far as she was concerned it was just a load of nonsense, nothing more than people reading too much into what would naturally develop between two young kids thrown together into a stressful situation and bound by a healthy helping of guilt and anger at the injustice of it all. And if people in this world could switch their sexualities through sheer force of will, it only made sense for that comradeship to blossom into romance, as Mami and Charlotte's own relationship demonstrated. Fate didn't exist. Events happened, and consequences followed. That was how the universe worked.

But even so, she would be lying if she denied that there was some sort of link between her and Sayaka, one she couldn't fully define or describe. It wasn't magic, or at least she was pretty sure it wasn't magic, but it was there. It felt more like a sense of…not obligation, but duty. She had failed to save Sayaka Miki from herself, and had then made the decision to end both of their lives. In a way, that made Sayaka her responsibility, and vice-versa. They had entered this world together, so just abandoning her now didn't sit right with Kyoko at all. She had tried that already, and things didn't turn out well.

But even beyond that, she just liked Sayaka. She liked hanging out with her, trading barbs with her, arguing with her, laughing with her, fighting side-by-side with her, and just having her as a friend. Mami was great, sure, but there was still a lot of baggage from their ill-conceived partnership. Besides, thought she might not look it, she was still way older than Kyoko was, like half again as old. And she was married. That alone put a huge gulf between them. And while she was sure that she and Charlotte would be getting along better from now on, they were more comrades than friends. Sayaka was the only one that really was around Kyoko's age. And weirdly enough, despite the mermaid not even remembering a good chunk of their history, she was also the only one Kyoko felt like she could really talk to.

For just a moment, Kyoko wondered what it would be like if her and Sayaka's relationship did develop the same way Mami and Charlotte's had. This was immediately followed by the mental image of the two of them messily slobbering all over each other's face. It was so silly and so cringe worthy that she had clap both hands over her mouth to stifle the bark of laughter she felt forming.

Okay, okay, so maybe she was getting a little ahead of herself. Still, she wasn't about to leave Sayaka behind, not after everything they had gone through together. Come hell or high water, they were in it together.

Still, if things did go down that route, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. At least Sayaka was pretty…

Suddenly Sayaka stirred in her sleep, muttering incomprehensible syllables under her breath. Kyoko froze, wondering if the mermaid was about to wake up, and if she did, how she would react to find Kyoko standing before her, gazing intently at her face.

Ah hell, let it happen. It might be worth a laugh.

But instead, Sayaka merely relaxed again with a sigh. And when she did, she muttered, "Kyoko…"

Now Kyoko really had to stifle back laughter. Good God, was Sayaka actually dreaming about her? If so, the timing was hilarious. Her imagination immediately begin filling in all sorts of steamy details, many involving positions that, had they still been alive, her parents would probably have wished that she didn't even know existed.

Of course that was probably not the case. Kyoko had been dreaming about Sayaka all day long, and those dreams had been anything but pleasant. Odds were the mermaid was experiencing something similar, likely reliving the maddening fear and worry she had when Kyoko had disappeared down that trap door.

Still, it was nice to be dreamed about. And it did make Kyoko feel better about her decision to stay.

Then Sayaka stirred again, and her mumbling grew louder, rising to an annoyed groan. "Kyoko," she breathed. "You…jerk."

This time, holding back the laughter was all but impossible, and Kyoko had to turn away with her hands clamped over her mouth to keep from waking up the camp.

When she had calmed down, she went right up to the wheelchair. "Yeah, I love you too, you friggin' punkass," she said. Then she reached over and poked Sayaka in the cheek.

Sayaka's eyes stayed closed, but her brow knitted into a scowl and her hand lifted in a weak attempt to brush Kyoko off. Her head then slumped in the other direction as her snores changed note.

Snickering again, Kyoko turned her attention to another problem. Forget breakfast; she was going to be cranky either way if she didn't get any sleep, and sleep was still going to be difficult if her stomach kept on bitching at her. A few sticks of beef jerky and a bag of crushed chips was poor fare, but maybe her mind would at least recognize the act of eating as a sign that things were all right and calm down a little.

Kyoko's backpack was resting against a tree near where Sayaka was parked. Kyoko went over to it and picked it up.

When she did, she froze. The zipper was undone when it shouldn't be, shoved up enough to make a sizeable opening. She hastily pulled it open and looked inside.

To her dismay, all of her snacks were gone. The beef jerky sticks had all been eaten, and the bag of chips was torn open, its crushed contents scattered everywhere.

What little peace of mind Kyoko had managed withered and died then. Some stupid animal had gotten into her bag and stolen her food! Her hands began to shake as her dismay slowly burned, fueling the bubbling rage that was steadily growing inside of her.

It…It wasn't fair. After everything she had endured, after everything she had suffered, she was still denied even this small comfort. She wanted to scream. She wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. She wanted to lash out and smash the stupid tree into toothpicks for failing to warn her. She certainly was more than capable of doing any of the above.

Instead she merely let the backpack slip from her fingers. One hand groped around her chest until it managed to pull her necklace out. Then, gripping it in her hands, she closed her eyes and slowly breathed in and out, waiting for her body to relax, waiting for the anger to subside, all the while forcing the tears back.

Then she heard the low, clicking snarl.

Kyoko froze stiff, her eyes popping wide open. Her grip on her necklace tightened, the obsidian points biting into her palm.

Had that been her imagination, a sadistic trick of her exhausted mind? Was she asleep right now, and all this was just an especially vivid dream, one that was about to devolve into a nightmare?

"Okay," she whispered. "Calm down, Kyoko. Calm down. You're just tired, that's all. The valks are all dead. And even if they weren't, there's no way one could be-"

She heard another snarl, louder this time.

Inhaling sharply through her clenched teeth, Kyoko released her necklace and summoned up a spear. Holding it with both hands, she slowly prowled into the forest, ears and eyes searching for any sign of the monster, body trembling and ready to enact violence the second she found it.

I'm not crazy, I heard it. I'm not crazy, I heard it, Kyoko kept thinking, as if to reassure herself. There's a valk somewhere nearby. We're still near the dockengaut's territory, right? Maybe one escaped. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense for a freaking valk to be, hunting us AGAIN after we're supposed to be safe!

Still, despite her insistent certainty, nothing leapt out to tear her face off. Kyoko paused and listened, but all she could hear was the gentle murmur of the wind and the far off hooting of an owl.

Suddenly a nearby bush erupted into motion, shaking violently as something let out a shrill scream. Kyoko leapt back, landing in a defensive crouch, her spear brandished and ready.

Out of the bush rolled a pair of small animals locked in mortal combat. Or rather one was supplying the combat, while the other was desperately trying to escape its mortal peril. The latter was a brown rabbit, fully grown and fat from its comfortable valk-free life in the forest.

And in defiance of that streak, the other was the baby valk from the cave.

Just as it had when the little creature had first hatched right in front of her, Kyoko's jaw dropped in shock. No way. No freaking way!

Fortunately for the rabbit, the valk still didn't have much in the way of teeth or claws, so it couldn't just tear its prey open. Unfortunately, despite being less than a day old, the infant had plenty of strength for a creature its size, so as it clamped its legs in around the rabbit and held on, it managed to squeeze its jaws over the rabbit's head like a vice. Then it twisted sharply to the side. The rabbit abruptly fell limp, its neck broken.

As Kyoko stared, the baby valk hopped off its prey and immediately tried digging into the dead rabbit's stomach. However, after tugging futilely at its fur with its jaws, it was soon growling with frustration when it was unable to so much as break the skin.

Then it must have smelled her, as it suddenly turned around. The tiny creature seemed to brighten upon seeing Kyoko. It bobbed its head in greeting and chirped.

Kyoko blinked. Then she looked down at her spear. Again, without consciously deciding to do so, she knelt down next to the rabbit. The valk hopped backward to give her room.

With a few quick slashes the rabbit was in red and grey pieces. Chirping happily, the baby valk began to feast, seizing chunks of raw meat and organs with its jaws and tearing them off the bone to swallow whole. All the while Kyoko just stared.

As she did, something Charlotte had said rose up in her memory, about how despite their vicious natures, valks were nothing but wholly devoted to one another, which was one of the many reasons their packs were so dangerous.

And it occurred to Kyoko then that upon hatching, the first thing the baby valk had seen had been herself. And the first thing she had done had been to offer it food.

Oh boy…

The valk finished feasting for the time being to gaze curiously up at the transfixed redhead. Then, with a happy cackle, it hopped over to nuzzle her boot with its bloody snout.

"Um," Kyoko said, blinking. "Hi?"

…

I'm gonna be honest: after reading the Dark Tower series by Stephen King, I wanted to give the gang a pet dog or some other kind of team pet to take along on their adventures. However, I quickly realized that there was no chance in hell that a dog would survive the often incredibly violent mishaps the girls would get themselves into. So instead, I'm gonna give them a space raptor. Why? Because I want to.

Unfortunately, all that is going to have to wait, because the time has come for me to step away from fanfiction for a while. However, to clear up something of a misunderstanding a lot of people seemed to have, this is NOT the end of this story. It's just a break, a hiatus while I go work on other projects. God willing, I won't get hit by a car or something and will one day pick both this story and Imperfect Metamorphosis back up from where they left off. I don't know how long it will take, and I'm not going to lie, it will probably take a long while, but I am bound and determined to see every story I start to completion. I just hope I don't die and leave everything hanging.

Still, I am very excited to finally get the chance to dive right into this project. I've tried tackling at least three other times before I even thought of ever doing fanfiction, first time being when I was fourteen, and they were all terrible. But the whole time I was writing IM and RD, I had this particular idea stewing in the back of my mind: working out the kinks, fixing up the weaknesses, and fitting the whole narrative together. And now, after six plus years of seriously plotting this thing out while working on my writing skills through my fanfics, I feel that it is finally ready to go. I mean, it better be, as I had it in my mind in one form or another since I was like six or so. No, I am not joking.

Anyway, the title of the work is, "Subconscious." As for what it's about, well, you know all those weird and wild dreams we have when we're asleep? The nightmares that terrify us, the dreams of desire that entice us, the mundane "life" dreams that bore us, and the wacky silliness that makes no sense at all? All those strange people we meet, all those odd places we visit, and their utter randomness that still somehow manages to make perfect sense when we're still in them?

Well, you ever wonder where all those dreams go once you've woken up? And if they're still there, mingling with the dreams everyone else has ever had? How would they live their lives once they've left our heads, how would they manage their own society, how would they deal with the monsters our subconscious minds have created, and, most importantly, how they feel about us?

Because you're about to find out.

In fact, if that sounds like something you might be interested, head over to my tumblr, as I've posted a couple of previews there, and will post a few more over the next few weeks. These aren't trailers, per se, as these scenes won't be in the actual books, but will instead serve to help introduce the plot, setting, and a few key characters to anyone who might be interested in giving the series a shot. Hope you guys like it, and let me know what you think!

Though having said that, there is something else I should probably address. Assuming that the stars align and I can get this thing off the ground (fingers crossed) and people who have read IM and RD give it a shot as well, you're probably going to notice that I've…well, I don't want to say self-plagiarized, per se, as many of those familiar concepts that showed up in Imperfect Metamorphosis and Resonance Days were actually thought up and intended for Subconscious first, and I decided to use the fanfics to test drive those ideas and work out the kinks. In fact, that's a big part of why I got into fanfiction was to prepare for Subconscious. I mean, the main reason was that I had stories I wanted to tell and still intend to tell, but also I wanted to work out all my amateurish writing habits, try out some concepts, and hopefully even incubate some new ideas that could be cannibalized later. So yes, there will be reused concepts, some plotlines that reach familiar conclusions, maybe even a familiar face or two. For example: one group of characters exhibit abilities very similar, but not identical, to Rin Satsuki's. But it's not going to be a big post-modern multiverse crossover like I've indulged in a time or two in the past. Unless, you know, I change my mind on that, as I am wont to do.

Anyhoo, I'm also going to be making use of this time to tackle some other story ideas I've had bouncing around in my head but never had the time to get around two. This includes another novel, one that I decided to do only a couple months ago, which will be an erotic adventure story about lesbian vampire pirates that will also involve blatantly inaccurate dinosaurs.

Yes, you read that right. I am not joking. I am really going to do this. Why? Because I feel like it, that's why. Obviously this one won't be taking itself seriously at all and is probably just going to be self-published as an e-book to earn a few extra bucks while I shop around for an agent. Yes, it's going to be silly (think Touhous in SPACE!, but with sex). Yes, it's going to be dumb. And yes, I am very much looking forward to it. Y'know, it's kind of liberating when you realize that you can write whatever the hell you want.

Anyways, I'm also going to knock out a few other fanfics in the meantime, which will include a Bastion one-shot, a chaptered Kingdom Hearts fic, and another Imperfect Metamorphosis spin-off, all of which will be uploaded back-to-back in another Month of Taker when I do come back.

So, I think that's everything. Thank you so much to everyone who stuck around, and I hope you'll all be here when I come back. And maybe, just maybe, there will be some kind of PMMM continuation by then. Fingers crossed!

Thanks for reading, everyone!