"Are you that anxious to get back to the BAU?" Morgan asked as he smiled at Aaron. He'd been staring at his phone, hoping for something from Erin, a text, a voicemail, anything. It had been a dry week without word from her.
"No, he's anxious to get back to his girlfriend," Ashley teased. He shot her a glowering look and she blushed under his scrutiny, but didn't look away. "I know, she's not your girlfriend…yet."
Aaron sat back in his seat, shaking his head. It seemed like everyone was pairing him up with Erin. Two kisses did not a couple make, and yet they were wonderful kisses. Maybe he was protesting too much. He needed to see Erin first before he made that decision, though.
They landed at noon and Aaron rode back to the Academy with Rossi, and Seaver, much to his vexation. His stomach gurgled the entire drive, and he had no idea if it was from hunger or nerves He looked at his left hand, twisting the band resting on his finger nervously. "Don't worry, Aaron. Time heals everything," Dave said quietly. "Sometimes, though, it takes longer to fully heal. The horrors she faced do not just disappear overnight. I highly doubt she ever saw anyone, either. None of us are exactly eager to see a counselor about our problems."
"Isn't that the truth," Seaver said lowly.
Aaron nodded. "You would tell me, though, if there was more to what happened, right?"
"No." Dave's answer was quick, and Aaron frowned. "Like Penelope, I would never betray her confidence. You know everything that needs to be known about Wyoming."
Aaron said nothing, but was shocked by his friend's response. It could mean only one thing – something else had happened out in Wyoming and he had hit a nerve with his email. He felt the truth was just out of his reach and wondered if he'd ever find it out. As soon as Dave parked, he and Ashley were out the doors.
"Hotch, do you ever feel like people keep things from you because they think you can't handle the truth?"
"Yes. But why do you feel like this?"
"It just seems like no matter how much I try, I don't fit in, like I'm still being compared to Emily, especially by Agent Jareau. It's like she knows something, but won't tell me what. Am I doing a good job, Sir?"
She looked up at him, searching his eyes for the answer she wanted. "You are. You'll make a fine agent someday."
"But?"
"But you're young yet. You need to mature into a seasoned agent like Emily. She left rather large shoes to fill."
"I know, and I'm trying. Thank you, Sir." She hurried on ahead of him, only to turn back and smile. "So, you'll keep her off our backs once it's official, right?" She winked and turned back, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He dropped off his go bag in his office and then went up to Erin's office.
Carri looked up from her desk and raised her eyebrows. "Penny's in there, Sir. It's been a hard week for us. Whatever you said to her has really upset her." She sighed. "I wish there was a simple answer I could give you."
"Wish me luck, then." He tapped on the closed door and heard the low voices behind it stop. Aaron opened the door and stepped inside. As he closed the door, he saw Penelope and Erin were seated on the couch. Erin's face was stained with tears and he felt his heart clench a little.
"What are you doing here, Hotch?" Penelope asked, her voice tinged with anger, as she stood and protectively moved in front of her friend.
"Penny, it's all right." They both looked at Erin and he stepped forward and knelt in front of Erin, taking her hands in his. Gently, he kissed her fingers, looking up into her sad eyes. Neither heard Penelope leave as they focused on each other. "I forgive you."
He nodded and she leaned forward, resting her forehead on his. "Why does Deerskin mean so much to you?"
Aaron felt her sigh wash across his face. "Can I trust you?" Erin pulled back to look at him. "I must know that what I tell you will never be told to another soul. I can count on one hand the number of people who know this."
Her eyes pinned him and he found himself nodding slowly. "If you trust me enough to tell me your story, I promise I will never tell another soul." A ghost of a smile flickered across her face and she pulled him up onto the couch.
"Georgia is not David's child." Aaron looked at her in confusion. "Twenty three years ago, things were different, I was different. I wanted to prove that I was good enough to be in the boys' club. Erik never understood how I could be both sweet and naïve and so driven. When the opportunity arose to tag team on the Wyoming case, I jumped at it."
"Even though it was such a brutal case?"
"Especially because of that. Everything changed when it became the boy's life at stake. The unsub asked for me, because I fit his type. I knew what was going to happen to me, and so did Shepperd. But Dave, bless his heart, was clueless." She began to cry and he pulled her close to him. She buried her head in his shoulder and he waited for her to continue.
"If I had brought my gun in, Jesse and I might have left the house unscathed. But Shepperd thought it best if I went in unarmed, just in case the unsub would get control of my weapon. Do you know how terrifying it is to see a gun held to a child's head?"
"Morgan does," Aaron said softly, stroking her hair.
"You're frozen and you'll do whatever you're told to save that innocent life." She paused and bit her thumb knuckle as her breath caught in her throat. With sudden clarity, the last puzzle piece fell into place. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. She took a deep breath and covered his hands with hers.
"Erin, you don't have to…"
"Yes, I do. It gets easier each time I tell someone I trust. As the unsub held the gun to Jesse's head, he forced me to undress. I was sobbing before I'd taken off my blouse. He, he took his time with me, inflicting the most pain he could. Jesse tried to wipe away my tears, but the unsub reprimanded him, making him sit on his hands."
She paused and he lifted a hand to wipe her cheeks free of her tears. She nuzzled her face into his hand. "Do you want to take a break, dear?" The endearment slipped out before he could stop it and she shook her head.
"It was brutal, Aaron, and I couldn't get him to stop. I knew I was bleeding down there and he seemed to delight in the torture he was putting me through. Finally, he was done with me, and he let me dress, keeping my panties as a trophy. The moment I was dressed, I reached out to take Jesse and he pulled the trigger."
She broke down fully and he kissed the top of her head, letting her cry on him. She cleaved even tighter to him, her tears soaking his shirt. He felt tears roll down his own cheeks as he imagined the trauma she'd endured. "And you walked out of that house whole, and yet irrevocably broken."
She nodded. "Shepperd took one look at me and knew. He was the one who took me to the bar and got me drunk. I felt like I would shatter, Aaron, and so I sought out David. I had to find some way to feel normal again, you see, and knew he would be gentle. And it was, he was, but it hurt so badly, and I wept the entire time. He always thought it was Jesse's death that caused me to cry so."
Erin looked into his eyes and he stroked her hair gently as he returned the gaze. "And then you shut yourself away from us, unable to trust anyone, wondering who would hurt you next."
She nodded again and then rested her head against his chest, nuzzling her face into his shirt. "Shepperd made that easy for me, too, by promoting me to Section Chief and letting me be a paper pusher. His guilt was so easy to assuage. Erik, though, that was another story. It was so hard to lie to him, and yet, I never wanted him to know about the shame."
"And he still made you give up that baby?"
"He wouldn't be cuckolded. I wanted to keep her, my precious child, but Erik would have left me, yeah? I couldn't lose him, not after everything else. It took two years to get pregnant once more. But I still missed her more than my life." Her stomach gurgled loudly. "I haven't eaten yet today."
"Then let me take you out to lunch. We could pick up Jack along the way. He wants to meet my friend." She smiled up at him tremulously and nodded in agreement.
"I'd like that, Aaron." They stood and she wiped her eyes free of tears. "I must look a fright."
"You look beautiful." The compliment slipped off his tongue like a habit, and her smile grew slightly. She clasped his hand in hers, and everything felt right. He squeezed gently and led her from the office.
"Agent Hotchner and I are going out to lunch, Carri. Hold all my calls."
"Yes, Chief Strauss." A bright smile spread across her face as she looked at their linked hands. "I'm glad you're feeling better."
"So am I, Carri. So am I."
Once they were outside the office, they let go of each other and walked in tandem past the bullpen. Aaron caught Morgan's eye and tried to ignore the grin on the other man's face. As they rode the elevator, he called Jessica and let her know they were coming to pick Jack up. Erin curled up in the passenger seat of his car, hiding her face from the bright sun.
Jack came running out of the house almost as soon as he pulled into the driveway. Aaron opened his door and stepped out. Erin followed suit, coming up next to him and taking his hand. "Daddy!" he shouted as he wrapped his arms around Aaron's legs. "I haven't had time to get anything, Daddy."
"That's okay, buddy. This is just lunch." He looked at Erin and smiled. "Say hello to Mrs. Strauss."
Jack let go of him and hugged Erin. As he watched, she seemed to melt into his son, tears pooling in her eyes. Looking towards the doorway, he saw Jessica smiling at them. "Hi, Mrs. Strauss. I'm glad you're coming to lunch with us. Will you sit in the back with me?"
"Anything you like, Jack." He clasped her hand, leading her over to the car. Aaron joined them, helping Erin get Jack buckled in his booster seat. "It's been some time since I dealt with one of these," she said quietly as she looked up into Aaron's face. He leaned further in and kissed her, feeling her smile against his lips.
"Daddy, you don't kiss Aunt Penelope or Ms. Jareau like that." They broke apart and he saw Erin's cheeks redden as she sat back and buckled her seatbelt.
"Erin is a special friend, Jack." His son nodded and Aaron drove them to Carmine's. Jack got out as soon as the car was parked and stood between him and Erin, holding their hands. They were seated within minutes and managed to settle on the lasagna. While they waited for their food, Aaron listened to his son pepper Erin with questions.
"I have four children, Jack. My eldest, Georgia, lives in Iowa and she wants to be a writer. Then there's Rebecca, she's in California, studying at UCLA on a full ride soccer scholarship. My son, Joshua, is at Notre Dame. And my youngest, Molly, was accepted to Georgetown last year and started there this semester. She and her friends are renting a loft together."
"I would love to have sisters and brothers someday," Jack said longingly, making doe eyes at his father.
"Someday, buddy."
Erin's phone rang and she took it out, looking at the display. "Speaking of Molly." She put the phone up to her ear. "Hi, Mol. Are you okay? I'm having lunch with a colleague and his son. Yes, I know, it has only been five months." Her face began to crumple a bit as she cried over whatever her daughter was saying to her. "He's a friend, Molly. He knows what I'm going through. No, Molly, I…" Her words were lost in tears and before he could stop his son, Jack was out of his seat, taking the phone from Erin.
"Molly? This is Jack Hotchner. My daddy is special friends with your mommy because our other parents are in heaven. That's why you need to be nice to your mommy. She still misses your daddy. I know, because I still miss my mommy. And until you can be nicer, don't call back. We were having a good afternoon." He hung up on Molly and set the phone on the table before crawling up into Erin's lap, hugging her tightly.
By the time the waitress came back with their food, Jack was coloring with Erin, smiling up at her and touching her arm frequently. They ate quickly, but Erin kept looking at him and smiling freely. He smiled back, enjoying this sudden freedom about her. As they left, she walked next to him and he unconsciously wrapped his arm around her waist. Erin sighed, relaxing into him.
"Can we go to the park, Daddy? I want to spend more time with you and Mrs. Strauss."
Aaron looked at Erin and she nodded. "I'd like nothing more than to spend time with you, honey," she said as she ruffled Jack's hair. "How can I resist my little knight in shining armor?" As Jack ran on ahead to the car, she stopped Aaron for a moment. "Or my grown knight." She leaned in and kissed him chastely. When she stepped back, her eyes were bright. He nodded and pulled her close once more, only to hear her whisper, "Tell me something that will change me." All he could do was squeeze her waist as they got in the car.