This update also comes with changes to other chapters. Some of them have important information to the story, others I just didn't like or I felt the characters were too OOC and I fixed it. These are the chapters that have been changed in some way:
1, 3, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 16.
16 you definitely need to re-read and I would recommend just giving the rest a look over. If you don't want to, here are the changes that are included:
-Creed shows more attachment/love for Train.
-Doctor has a fascination with Train.
-Got rid of any hints at KyokoxCharden. The story needs it to be more ChardenxEchdina, so that has been played up as well.
-Foreshadowing for something important in future chapters
-Just generalized character changes so they were more in character. I didn't like how I made Train jealous in chapter 16, so that scene is completely changed along with some other parts.
That's all if you don't want to re-read them. This is only a two chapter update, so enjoy if you plan on still reading this.
CW: Yaoi
Disclaimer: I do not own Black Cat or any of its characters.
Creed opened his crystal eyes and blinked rapidly upon seeing nothing but darkness. He was positive his eyes were open, but the endless void he was staring at suggested otherwise. The silver swordsman rubbed his eyes, hoping that would alleviate the problem, but it did not. Creed still saw complete nothingness and he felt a pang of fear in his heart he couldn't shake.
"Train?"
The Taoist called dismally for his beloved. He needed to see him. Something in his heart was telling him the Black Cat was gone, and Creed needed to know that wasn't true. Train was always the first thing on his mind and this was no different. The fact that he was trapped in obscurity and dred encompassed him only made his need to see his cat all the worse. He knew if he could just find Train, his love's eyes would light the way out of this abyss.
"Kitten? Where are you?"
Creed hoped that if he used his nickname for his beloved, that would do the trick. Train always loved when Creed called him by his pet name, but there was still no response. The silence made the fear in his heart grow to a delirious level and the darkness was maddening. Creed didn't know how much long he could take it. While he was sure he had only been in this barren wasteland of gloom for a few minutes, it had felt like an eternity without his love.
His ears were starting to ache from the silence and the calm stillness of the room was contradicting what Creed knew it to actually be. It was as if he was in the eye of the storm, and he desperately needed his ballast before he was swept away forever. However, without hearing any response from Train or seeing his brilliant, golden orbs to light his way, Creed knew he was going to be caught in the vitality of the approaching cyclone in no time.
He took a step forward, hoping that would create some form of light or sound. Hoping that by moving, his beloved would reveal himself either physically or audioally. Even emotionally knowing his cat was there would help, but Creed couldn't feel his love's presence. He always knew when Train was around. The Black Cat was such a part of his heart and soul that he was incomplete when the man wasn't near.
And right now, Creed felt a tremendously massive whole in his heart, signalling Train's absence.
"Train! Please answer me!"
Silence rained again and his footsteps did nothing to fix that problem. No matter what he did, there was still no light, no sound, no Train. Creed even tried to clap his hands to see if he could create sound, but nothing. The only thing he could hear was his own voice, and for some reason, that was worse than the silence. His voice sounded so weak, so scared, so pathetic, it only reminded Creed that he was completely alone. That Train had abandoned him. His beloved had done the one thing he promised to never do.
Beginning to panic, Creed ran forward. He decided if Train wouldn't come to him, he would go to Train. His promise was to never leave his cat alone again, and the swordsman wasn't about to let the vacuum of nothingness stop him from keeping his promise. Even if Train had left him, he wouldn't leave Train.
"I'm coming, Train!"
Creed didn't know why he spoke, but hearing his own voice again made his heart beat with anxiety. He didn't know when he began crying since he couldn't hear his own sobs, but the way his voice cracked made him believe he had been. It was irksome that the only thing he could hear was his own voice.
Suddenly, as Creed looked down at his feet, he noticed the blackness beneath him had turned into concrete, his eyes widening when he realized he was beginning to see his surroundings. The silver man looked up and sighed in relief when he saw a town up ahead. He picked up the pace, praying his cat would appear before him soon.
"Train! Train, where are you?!"
Creed called again, but still no response. His voice was still trembling with agony as the all too familiar loneliness refused to leave him, slowly beginning to realize that Train had left him. It hurt to hear himself talk and Creed couldn't help but think that was the void's purpose. It wanted to remind him of how hopeless he was without Train. This hellscape wanted Creed to know he was useless, pathetic garbage without his beloved. That he may as well not exist without the Black Cat.
He didn't need reminding of that. Creed already knew he was nothing without Train.
"Train, please come back!" He yelled again and cursed in his head at how feeble his voice sounded.
As he drew closer to the town, Creed looked up at the sky and saw fireworks burst in the distance. He didn't know why, but his heart was telling him if he went to the explosions, he would find Train. That was all the encouragement he needed to run even faster. He could feel insanity beginning to set in and Creed knew if he didn't find Train soon, he was going to lose what little was left of his tormented mind.
As soon as he entered the town it changed into an alley. And not just any alley… Creed knew this one all too well.
The swordsman looked down at his feet and saw a pool of red encasing his white shoes, staining the garment with its eerie darkness. Creed tried to pull his foot up, but saw the liquid had a mind of its own and did not obey the laws of physics. It followed his leg up, wrapping around his ankle and pulling his foot back down to the pavement. Glancing at his other leg, he noticed the same thing was happening with his other foot. Within seconds, Creed found himself rooted in position, unable to move no matter how hard he pulled.
He heard coughing coming from behind him and turned his head to look over his shoulder. As if the blood holding him in place knew he couldn't see what was behind him, it turned him around fully, Creed nearly falling from the jerking motion the life force created.
Creed saw the source of the cough and the blood that held him still as it leaked from a green haired sweeper he dreaded ever seeing again. Sven was leaning on his Attache Case, hovering over another figure the silver man knew must have been the witch he killed.
"Saya! Saya, open your eyes! Come on, don't die on me!"
Sven's voice was frantic as he screamed her name. Creed didn't know why the sweeper cared so much about the dead witch. It wasn't like she was important. He wasn't even sure Sven knew the girl before that night. To Creed, this scene was just all the more proof she was a witch and must have put a spell on Sven as well. Not that Creed cared about that at all.
"Witch…" Creed said through gritted teeth.
As if hearing his voice, the blood that held his feet began to crawl up his legs and now wrapped around his knees. Creed stumbled forward a little, but did not fall thanks to the possessive liquid that seemed intent on keeping him in place. He growled loudly and glared at the blood, trying to push it away with his hands. His efforts were in vain as the blood did not move. The strangest part was, there wasn't any evidence of the substance on his hands. Apparently, he couldn't touch the blood, but the blood could do whatever it pleased to him.
"Sven… Get out of here…"
Creed looked back at the scene before him. It had rewound to when Creed was about to kill the girl. He saw himself leaning over her body, gripping Kotetsu tightly, blood dripping from the end of it. At the time, he was barely aware Sven was still alive, but according to this memory, he was. Creed was too hell bent on ending the sweeper girl's life to care about the eye patched man behind him.
He watched as Sven refused her plea for him to run and shot a vent that surrounded Creed in fog. Since he was now on the outside looking in, he was able to see Sven and Saya's interaction. Creed saw the male sweeper pulling the female sweeper aside, trying to get here away from the battle with Creed. He saw the desperation in the man's eyes, then cocked an eyebrow at the look he saw in the woman's eyes. The look of determination and strength reminded him so much of his beloved, and Creed felt his heart snap in two.
"Wh-what is this…?"
The rest of the scene unfolded just as it did that night. Creed got himself out of the fog, Saya shot his knee, and Sven was knocked out. Finally, Creed was on Saya again with a look of pure pain and longing on his face. The swordsman felt his eyes swell with tears again, remembering exactly how he felt when he gave the girl the final blow that killed her.
However, now he was able to see the look in her eyes. She was not scared or angry. There were no negative emotions on her face at all. Quite the contrary, she looked…. Concerned. As if she could see the pain in Creed's eyes and wanted to know why he hurt. As if she… cared about his feelings.
Creed shook his head and narrowed his eyes at the scene.
"Why are you showing me this?!" Creed didn't know who he was talking to, but he felt these words needed to be said. ""The witch didn't care about my pain! How could she?! She didn't know anything about me. About Train… She was just trying to take him away from me!"
"How would you know that?"
Creed felt his heart leap to his throat when he heard that voice. He instantly knew who it belonged to and tried to turn his head to see his beloved. Train was standing behind him, he knew it, but he couldn't turn his body around to see him. Creed pulled drastically at his legs, desperately needing to see his beloved to calm his aching heart. He even reached out behind himself, hoping maybe Train was close enough for him to grasp.
"Train! Train, please! Help!"
Train made no movement, but Creed knew he was glaring violently at him, Hades in hand as his eyes shone with hatred at the silver man's back.
"Like how you 'helped' me when you killed Saya?"
Creed felt his heart freeze, then shatter into a million pieces. "How did you…"
"You really thought you could hide it from me forever, didn't you? You really thought I was stupid enough to believe Sephiria killed her? You really think that little of me?!"
Creed let out a loud sob. "No, Kitten! I love you! I did it for you!"
As Creed struggled against the blood holding him in place his eyes widened in fright as he saw it had started moving up further. The liquid was now around his thighs, threatening to take his hips and stomach next. Creed tried to pry himself free and reached back to Train again.
"Train, please!"
Train was suddenly in front of him, Hades pointed directly at Creed's face. The silver man felt himself crying violently now as he looked into his beloved's eyes and saw nothing by malice and disgust. His face was contorted in rancor, his fingers twitching eagerly at the trigger of his gun, his other fist balled so tightly, blood was beginning to seep from it.
Creed watched the blood drip and mix with the blood on the ground that was holding him hostage and let out another vicious sob.
"Train… You're bleeding…"
Despite the utter loathing his cat was showing him, Creed's need to keep Train safe at all cost was evident in his voice. He even attempted to reach out and take his beloved's hand and keep it safe, but Train smacked him away with Hades.
Creed clutched his cheek, feeling it already swelling from where his love had hit him. The silver man looked at Train desperately, knowing the tears coming down his face were endless. He didn't think his heart could break any further, but that was proven wrong when Train growled angrily at him.
"What the hell do you care…"
Creed sobbed. "I do care, Train! You are my world! My sun and stars! My air, my water, my reason for living! I would never do anything to hurt you!"
Train growled even louder. "Except you already have…"
Creed watched as his beloved turned around and stepped over to Saya's lifeless form. Sven had left and Creed didn't care to question where he had gone. The alley had disappeared as well and the Black Cat took the sweeper girl in his arms delicately, similar to how he used to take Creed into his.
That knowledge caused Creed's heart to break even more, not sure how that was even possible at this point. The silver man reached out to his love, frantic tears running down his face as his whole body shook in misery.
"Train, no! She's a witch! Don't touch her!"
Train shot another dark glare at Creed and spoke in barely controlled rage. "You know that's not true…"
Train was right. As soon as he had said those words, Creed knew his statement wasn't true. He was beginning to realize that Saya was not a witch. She was a young , carefree girl that Train cared for. A girl Creed took away out of jealousy. An innocent sweeper who was nothing more than a friend and confidant to his beloved.
However, as he saw Train caress her cheek gently, brushing the strands of blood covered hair from her eyes tenderly, Creed felt his body fill with rage. He screamed loudly for Train to let her go, screamed that she was a witch, that she took Train away from him. He screamed and screamed until their throat was sore, his voice becoming no more than a hoarse whisper.
Creed thrashed his body violently which gravitated the blood holding him further up his body. It was now wrapped around his waist, crawling up his chest and pinning his arms to the side of his body. Creed struggled harder which only made it worse and the blood finally reached his neck, tightening threateningly, cutting off his air just enough that he could barely breathe.
He gasped for air as he called out to Train who was still holding the girl lovingly in his arms. "Train… My Love… Please…"
Creed's eyes had turned a harsh shade of red from the tears he wept. His cheeks were stained beyond repair from the salty substance and his lung burned from the gasps of air he took. He tried to reach out to Train, but to no avail.
Finally, Train placed the girl down gently, closing her eyes as he ran his thumb across her cheek one more time. He turned heated, furious eyes to Creed, gripping Hades tightly as he stormed over to the swordsman, pointing his gun once more at Creed's forehead.
"Train… I love you…"
Train growled, his eyes boring holes into Creed's heart, mind, and soul. "I hate you…"
Creed's heart was completely gone at that statement. It had been crushed into dust that wafted away aimlessly into the cold night air, never to be seen again or felt by any living soul again. His soul had left him as well, off to wander carelessly throughout the world in search of the happiness Train had once been willing to give him. Creed was now an empty husk of nothing. Everything inside him was dead as he stared into his beloved's hate filled eyes. Nothing remained except a numbness he knew all too well.
By now, the blood had wrapped around his chin, sliding up alongside his face, encasing his head, filling his ears and nostrils with its sick stickiness. It left only his eyes and mouth free, so he could continue watching the love of his life glared furiously at him. He knew by now this was the blood of Saya. This was the blood of the girl whose life he took in hopes it would earn him Train's love. The blood of a girl who only wanted to befriend Creed's lonely cat.
"Train… I'm sorry..." He whispered gravely, hoping against hope that saying his beloved's name one more time would change how Train felt.
"...It's too late for that, Creed…." Train's voice was a low growl as he spoke, his finger once more on Hades' trigger.
Creed welcomed the death Hades gave him. Train pulled the trigger without hesitation, the bullet piercing Creed's head as the blood finally released him, allowing his lifeless, barren body to fall solidly to the ground.
Creed's eyes jolted open and he took a big breath of air. His body was covered in sweat and he reached frantically to his forehead, searching for a bullet hole his cat had left him. The silver man sighed in relief when he felt nothing there, then turned his gaze to the open window of his and Train's room.
A nightmare… Just another nightmare…
Creed had been having nightmares similar to this ever since the night of Freesia's birthday party three weeks ago. That night, Creed had told his beloved he was upset because their date was ruined, but in reality that was only a half truth. He was really upset Train had not only seen Sven again, but spoken to him one-on-one. Creed asked him a thousand times what they said to each other, but Train didn't seem like he wanted to tell him the whole story. And Creed knew that was in part due to him.
Train had been asking over and over again how Creed knew the sweeper man, but he was always able to find a way to avoid the questions. Creed knew this wasn't going to last long. His cat was clever. He was going to figure something out sooner or later. The swordsman knew he needed to tell Train the truth, but he wasn't ready yet. Right now, he still had Train's love and he wasn't ready to give that up.
I won't ever be ready to give that up… But I know I need to tell him. And I need to tell him before we run into that sweeper again and he opens his useless mouth and fills my Kitten's head with lies.
After that nightmare, though, Creed was beginning to see he was in the wrong. Lately, the silver man was starting to realize what he did was purely out of anger and jealousy. He had convinced himself so fully that Saya was a witch taking Train away from him, when in reality, he had no claims to the Black Cat back then. Train was not his during their time with Chronos and Creed was so desperately in love with him he couldn't accept that his beloved saw him as nothing more than an annoying partner their masters had forced on him.
Saya… Was his friend. Not just his friend, his best friend. A girl who simply kept my Kitten company and opened his heart up just a little bit… In fact… I think I owe her. If she didn't find the key to his heart, I may not have been able to take it and open it.
Creed laughed bitterly to himself and ran his fingers through his sweaty hair. It was ironic he was laying in bed, alone, thanking the woman he killed in order to have the company of his cat in every way possible. But, he knew it was true. As time went on, Creed felt clarity come to him slowly and he realized how much he actually owed the woman he killed. Had it not been for her, he may have never had his cat as he does now.
Although, also ironically, if Train were to ever find out… I might lose him forever…
Creed knew he shouldn't be thinking 'if'. He needed to tell Train, but he needed to find the right moment. When that moment was, Creed did not know, but he was sure it would come up. There had to be a time soon when he could tell his beloved the truth, but so far that moment had not arrived. And until then…
...Until then… I'll keep being greedy with whatever he gives me. I'll keep being greedy with his love. I've wanted it for so long… Don't I at least deserve some grace of his affection?
Creed smiled wistfully at the open window, knowing Train was most likely on the roof right now while Creed was taking a nap. They had changed locations of their hideout recently and this new mansion was even taller than the other ones and actually had a flat roof which made it even easier for his love to bask peacefully in the sun.
Creed wanted his Kitten to nap with him, but Train had a lot of independence and required space every so often. The first time his beloved asked for time alone, Creed nearly had a heart attack and Train had to work hard to assure him he had done nothing wrong. They had been together non-stop since forming the group and, while he knew Train loved him and enjoyed his company, the Black Cat was a self-reliant creature. If he didn't get time to bask in the sun alone, he would probably go insane.
The swordsman sighed and reflected on his nightmare more. He knew what it meant. After seeing Sven again and avoiding his cat's constant questions, his guilt had grown tenfold. Especially as he began to realize how wrong and impulsive he had been when he killed Saya. He had caused his beloved an unbearable amount of pain, and there was nothing he could ever do to make it up.
To add even more irony to my already paradoxical life, when he finds out, I will most likely be caused an unbearable amount of pain. Also, if I didn't kill her, I wouldn't have Train like I do now. I have her to thank and her to curse.
He really knew he had only himself to curse, but he wasn't there yet. As clear as his mind had become since he left Chronos, his heart was still not ready to one-hundred percent accept he wasn't completely in the wrong. There was a small part of him that wanted to hold hope that maybe she was a witch and he did save Train.
It's not true though… I… I hurt Train. I did something so unforgivable, it might push him away from me forever….
Creed sighed and shut his eyes again, deciding to sleep just a little longer then join his beloved on the rooftop. Dinner would be ready soon anyway and he'd have to go get Train for that, so he may as well try to rest just a bit longer. He hadn't been sleeping well, so he needed to catch up on as much as possible before their next attack on Chronos.
Creed rolled over so he was fully facing the window, just in case Train decided to join him. Feeling the warm breeze brushing elegantly against his soft skin, Creed smiled and focused his thoughts on his Kitten, trying to use Train to ease his troubled heart and mind.
Even though he is the source of my pain as well as my love…. He comforts me so.
He drifted off to sleep again, planting every adoring thought about his cat that he could in his mind in hopes of having pleasant dreams. Before he fully became unconscious, Creed couldn't help but wonder where his newfound clarity had come from.
"That one also looks like a bottle of milk, don't you think?"
Train wasn't talking to anyone. He did this almost every day. When he was missing Saya, he would go to the roof, watch the clouds, and talk to her spirit about what he saw in them. That used to be their favorite pastime: Sit on the roof, a bottle of milk in each of their hands, and stare at the clouds. They also used to get into arguments over the different things they saw.
Train chuckled. "I knew you'd agree with that one. I think that just says we both need more milk."
The Black Cat fingered the top of his empty bottle gingerly, smiling warmly as he imagined Saya next to him, trying to steal his empty bottle from him.
"No, I'm not going to build a ship in it. I still don't understand that hobby."
Sometimes, Train would complete their conversations in his head and sometimes since he swore he could hear her talking to him.
"Why don't you try it if you're so interested in it? I'm sure you have the patience for it." Train's voice was sarcastic as he spoke, knowing it would piss his friend off.
He laughed quietly as he pictured Saya throwing the empty bottle at him. Train even went so far as to dodge the object, then stick his tongue out at the sky, knowing Saya was able to see the gesture and return it with even more enthusiasm.
"I'll grow up when you grow up…"
A sudden flame of pain burnt his heart. He knew what she would be saying right now. He could practically hear her telling him how much he had softened. Almost as if he was a completely different person. Train heard her say how much he had changed, but in a good way. She might not even recognize him if she saw him again.
I wish I could see her again… Just so she could actually see the change. I know I've changed a lot, but it'd be nice to hear her confirm it.
Saya had always been his conscience. She was always the bread crumbs left in the woods so he could find his way back home. She always encouraged him to be something more, and see the world in a better light. Saya challenged him in a way he never thought he could be challenged. She always pushed him to do better, to be better.
It's amazing how a carefree sweeper girl was able to change my world so much in such a small amount of time.
Train only knew her for a couple years, but it was enough to create a strong bond. It was enough for her to wiggle into a special place in his heart. While Creed had his whole heart, there was a small part of it he left for Saya. Not that he had romantic feelings for the girl, but she had meant so much to him he couldn't help but reserve a place just for her.
That's a small bit of knowledge I won't be telling Creed. With his jealous streak, who knows what he'd do.
Train rolled his eyes, but chuckled quietly at the thought, watching blissfully as another cloud passed across the sky. He knew he owed Saya a lot, and Creed was just one of those many things he owed her. Ironically, one of the worst things that had ever happened to him led to one of the best things that had ever happened to him: Creed.
Looking back, he couldn't believe he didn't see the man's love sooner. It was so obvious how Creed felt, but Train's emotions were locked away so tightly, he never paid the man any mind. When he met Saya, his heart softened and he learned how to listen to his feelings. Train knew he barely registered Creed's existence when they were in Chronos and if it hadn't been for Saya opening the door to his heart, his partner would have never been able to walk through.
Although, Creed had a hand in that as well. I don't think I could have ignored his feelings for much longer. And… It's nearly impossible not to return something that strong.
Creed loved him so totally, so completely that it thawed Train's icy heart. Saya had pre-heated his chest, and then the swordsman came along and baked the delicious, sweet feeling that is known as love. Creed had done so much for him over the many years he knew him, but Train was so cut off from his emotions he would have never been able to return his intense feelings without the sweeper girl's help.
But, his love for Creed had pushed so many other emotions out of him, good and bad. Saya opened the door, Creed walked through, and then all his baggage came tumbling out. Creed was able to handle it with a grace, easy, and eagerness Train knew no one else would ever be able to, which is what made him love the man all the more. Every dark thought, every traumatic memory, and every pain he had ever felt weren't anything Creed could handle.
And he loves me despite all of it. He accepts me for all that I am… Good and bad.
In their time away from Chronos, Train had shown Creed every side of himself imaginable. He had shown him every aspect of his soul that he had been too afraid to ever show anyone and Creed never batted an eye. No matter how angry, depressed, or weird he got, Creed was always there at the end of the day to hold him in his arms and tell him he loved him.
And that's when Train realized what he needed out of life. That unconditional love Creed gave him willingly and earnestly had filled a hole in his heart that Saya revealed to him. He never knew how much pain and emptiness he had inside of him until the sweeper girl shined a light on it, but she wasn't able to fill it. Creed, however, was.
But… I've grown to be a bit too dependent on him. That's why I've decided to make sure to put time aside for myself every day.
Train had always been an extremely self reliant, sovereign cat, but when he told Creed he loved him, the floodgates of his emotions came rushing through. Creed had been so good at handling them that Train became too reliant. While he loved Creed, he didn't want to lose his independence.
I know he hates being apart from me, but I was starting to feel like I couldn't think for myself. He does so much for me I was beginning to lose myself in him. I can't let that happen. That would do Saya disservice.
Added to his need to regain his independence, Train was beginning to get frustrated with Creed's avoidance of the 'Sven' subject. Every time the gunman brought it up, his partner would shut it down immediately, or just completely ignore it. The Black Cat knew how to find the sweeper now, but he wanted to give Creed a chance to come clean with whatever secret he was hiding before he sought out the truth from a man he barely knew.
Well, there is a connection between me and Sven. It's hard to explain, but I feel a sort of kinship to him. As if we were friends that never got to be.
Train sighed and tried to think what secret Creed could possibly be keeping from him about the male sweeper.
Is he an ex-lover? Does he think I'll get jealous? Or did they have such a bad break-up Creed doesn't want to relive it?
Train shook his head. That didn't make sense. Creed had already made it very clear to him that Train was the only person he had ever loved. Everyone else Creed had been with was solely to let out his desires for Train. The silver man had bottled up his feelings for Train for so long that he needed to get them out on someone, anyone he could get his hands on. Creed said he even called out Train's name during those sessions, which pissed off a few of them so much that he never saw them again. However, his partner always said he didn't care since they were just a body in which he deposited his restrained love for Train.
And I can't be mad at that. I'm also not the jealous type, so why would he keep that from me? He tells me everything, yet he won't tell me this. That must mean it's pretty bad...
Train shook his head of the thought, then smirked when he saw a cloud that looked particularly like his lover. He felt his chest grow warm at the sight, verifying that despite his need for time away from the man, despite how frustrated he was at him for keeping something from him, Train loved and cared for him deeply.
He'll tell me when he's ready...
Train loved Creed in a way he knew he could never love anyone else. The swordsman made him happier than he could have ever imagined. He never thought he was worthy of happiness until now, and he knew who he owed that love and happiness to...
All this time, I kept thinking about how she owed me a bottle of milk when in fact, I think I owe her a lifetime supply of the drink after what she gave me.
As his thoughts circled back, Train smiled contentedly at the carefree sky, imagining his friend's face among the clouds. "Thank you, Saya…"
He knew the girl couldn't hear him, but he felt the need to voice his appreciation of her anyway.
Train knew he could never repay the girl. She had given him more than he knew. He thought she was simply teaching him how to be free, how to live a different way. However, she had also inadvertently given him Creed. Whether she meant for him to fall in love or not, it happened. And Train wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world.
I just wish it didn't take her death for me to feel this.
His peaceful thoughts were suddenly replaced with angry ones. It had been about ten months since her death and Train could still remember it like it was yesterday. He could feel her lifeless body in his arms, her blood staining his clothes, her dead face contorted in pain. It haunted him every night. Every night, he saw Sephiria slicing Saya's flesh until her breathing stopped. And every night, Train would wake up and have to remind himself it was just a dream.
Train balled his hand into a fist and punched the ceiling.
"Sephiria will pay…"
It was incredible that, despite how happy and at peace he felt, all he had to do was imagine Sephiria killing Saya and all those deadly Black Cat emotions would come rushing back to him like a tsunami he couldn't avoid. He still didn't fully understand why Sephiria killed Saya, but he knew there was no other explanation.
What if it wasn't her?
Train growled at a nagging voice in his head. One that kept popping up recently, putting doubt in his thoughts.
"Shut up…" He spoke to himself, already knowing what the irritating voice was going to say.
Why? Like you said, it doesn't make sense. Sephiria doesn't kill so recklessly and impulsively. She kills clean and only when necessary. What was the necessity of killing an innocent sweeper girl? And in such a brutal manner?
"Because she was changing me. She had me question Chronos' rules. If I questioned them, I would have to be killed… And she would probably be the one ordered to do it."
Train knew Sephiria had a soft spot for him, so he knew killing him would have been one of the last things she wanted to do. However, she would have, if she was ordered too.
Well, she's trying to kill you now anyway… Doesn't that seem like a contradiction?
Train growled at the voice of doubt again.
Sephiria is smart enough to know killing Saya would have put you on her bad side. Whether she decided to kill her or not, things would have ended the same way. Leave Saya alive, and she would have continued to change you and you would have left Chronos and ordered to be killed anyway. Kill her, and you still would have left, again leaving her with the only choice to end your life.
Train nodded. "Right. But killing her would have at least given Sephiria hope. At least then, there was a chance it would have wiped me into shape. I might have taken the warning and started following orders without questions again."
The doubt in his voice laughed.
Need I remind you yet again, that Sephiria doesn't kill unless necessary? Even if there was a slim chance that killing Saya would have brought you back, she wouldn't do it. And, again… She wouldn't have done it in such a brutal way.
Train sighed in exacerbation at the conversation he was having with himself. "Well, who the hell else is there?!"
You know who….
The Black Cat punched his head. "NO!"
The voice laughed again.
...Creed.
Train grabbed his hair, hoping that would make the voice stop.
It makes sense, doesn't it? Creed had threatened to kill anyone for even looking at you. He has a possessive pattern when it comes to you. How many times has he threatened to kill Kyoko? Or Doctor?
"Shut up…"
Why? You know it's the truth. The way you found Saya's body was very similar to the way Creed kills. And he had motivation. Your relationship with Saya could have easily been misconstrued as romantic. Whenever you were in public with her, people often assumed you were together. Why wouldn't Creed?
"He didn't even know her! How could he have even known she existed let alone kill her?!" Train was beginning to get a headache from how hard he was pulling his hair, punching his head again to stop the voice from talking.
Really? That's the excuse you're going with? Creed practically stalked you while you were in Chronos. He knew everything about you. How do you think you could have hidden such a close friend from him?
"Stop it…" His voice was getting angrier as he spoke to his inner thoughts.
Hide from it all you want… It's the only thing that makes sense…
Train felt his brain splitting. He felt like he was starting to go insane. The very fact that he was sitting on the roof talking to himself was proof of his growing lunacy. This doubtful voice in his head had started to change his nightmares of Saya's death to Creed being at the other end of the sword instead of Sephiria.
You dream that because deep down, you know it makes more sense than what Creed has told you. You know he would do anything to keep you by his side. And didn't you just say that yourself? Didn't you just say if it wasn't for Saya's death, you would have never fallen for Creed?
"Creed would have become my enemy if he killed Saya! No my lover!" Train screamed at no one.
Another laugh from his inner turmoil.
That's right. But if you didn't know he killed her, do you think he would he tell you? Especially knowing it would make you his enemy? He's keeping a secret from you, right? A big one you said? This sounds like a pretty big secret with pretty harsh consequences for Creed. He's wanted you for so long, do you really think he'd tell you the truth and give you up willingly?
"What would that have to do with Sven…?"
It could have countless things to do with him. You know that. Maybe Sven's a witness…
Train laughed bitterly. "Like Creed would leave witnesses…"
Unless he thought he killed Sven. You saw his face when Creed saw Sven. It was as if he had seen a ghost…
"Shut up…" Train warned himself.
Ignore me all you want, I'm not going away. The fact that you keep entertaining these thoughts, means you know there is validity behind them...
Train growled loudly and slammed both of his fists on the ceiling as hard as he could. "SHUT UP!"
"Train?"
Train threw his angry gaze over at whoever had interrupted his crazy thoughts. He saw Creed standing at the top of the stairs, frowning worriedly at him. Before Train could say anything to calm his overbearing lover, Creed was next to him, removing his hands from his hair and head, replacing them with his own caring ones.
Creed pulled Train close and caressed his hair and back lovingly. "What's wrong, Kitten? Are you okay?"
This was another reason he had been seeking out alone time: To try and make sense of these doubts. He never told Creed about these thoughts. Train knew he could talk to Creed about anything, but this was one thing he needed to figure out himself.
Despite his earlier rage, Train couldn't help but feel himself begin to relax into his partner. Feeling Creed's arms wrap tightly around him, his sweet alto voice whispering lovingly into his ear, Train knew there was no way he could stay angry. Even if that anger was somehow related to Creed, the Black Cat let it slip away as he leaned into the man's embrace.
"Nothing, Creed. I'm fine…"
Creed kissed the top of his head and squeezed a little tighter. "Bad dream?"
Train laughed sarcastically. "Guess you could say that."
The cat then realized how sweaty Creed's chest was against his face. "What happened to you?"
Creed echoed his beloved's laugh. "Probably about the same as what happened to you…"
Train knew that meant he had a bad dream and sighed sadly, wrapping his arms around Creed's waist as he pulled himself onto his lover's lap. The swordsman smiled blissfully, pulling his love as close as he could as he snuggled into those chocolate locks he adored so much.
"I'm glad to see you've done with your alone time. I was getting really lonely…"
Train rolled his eyes and flicked Creed's chest. "Are you ever not lonely?"
Creed nodded confidently. "When you're around."
Train felt his heart flutter at his statement and trailed his fingers up Creed's shirt and against his back, tickling his skin lightly, knowing that gesture never failed to calm his partner down. Feeling the silver man sigh and relax into the motion, Train smiled and nuzzled his face further into Creed's chest.
"You're so needy…" Train said through a chuckle.
"It's hard not to be when I have you so completely…"
Train could tell by the awe in his voice that Creed was still having a hard time believing their relationship wasn't a dream. The Black Cat found himself reminding Creed every day this was all real and Train really loved him. It also always ended with Train pinching him harshly, just to solidify in his stubborn head that he really did love him.
The goldman man reached out to repeat his past behaviors, but was stopped as Creed's hand grabbed his wrist gently and threw him a playful, loving look.
"Don't pinch me."
Train laughed loudly and pinched his back instead, enjoying the fact that Creed seemed to forget his hand was already on him. The swordsman yelped and flinched, glaring down at his beloved who smiled cheekily at him. Unable to ever hold any ill feelings for his cat, no matter how small, Creed sighed affectionately and kissed his beloved's fingers one by one.
"Tu es un chat si malicieux, mon amour…" (1)
Train kept his playful smirk. "Et tu es tellement amusant de jouer avec, mon étalon." (2)
Creed's heart fluttered at his love's use of his pet name and found himself kissing Train deeply. The Black Cat returned the gesture with gusto, instantly forgetting about the rage that once boiled inside him. He willingly allowed it to be replaced with a softer, gentler, more loving warmth. One that always came out whenever Creed held and kissed him like this.
The silver man was quickly beginning to forget the nightmare he just had as reality fully set it. Feeling Train's lips against his own, their tongues dancing and swirling with each other eagerly, his love's arms pulling him closer so he could taste more of his cat, replaced any negative thoughts the silver man could ever feel.
Train was the one to break the kiss as he gazed into Creed's blue eyes, then found his eyes drifting back to the sky, thanking Saya silently.
Creed watched his beloved's eyes curiously, then followed them to the serene clouds that floated waywaderly above their heads. The silver man would have called the scene romantic, if it wasn't for the fact that his heart sank with realization of what his cat had been doing up here by himself.
"Talking to Saya?"
Train's wistful smile and fargone look was the only answer he needed. Creed felt his heart fall even further, hanging solemnly at his feet.
I don't deserve him… I don't deserve to be this happy… He says he loves me, but if he knew who I really was… If he knew what I did…
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Creed blinked and looked down at his beloved, a silent tear falling from his eye as he stared cordially into those golden orbs that never failed to make his heart swell with joy. His heart was at war with itself. He wanted to tell Train so badly what he did, but he knew that meant his cat would take his love away. Creed knew Train would leave him, and he couldn't bear that thought.
Train frowned as his partner tightened his hold on him, confused by the tears that left his eye. Instinctively, the Black Cat reached out to wipe it away, feeling the overwhelming urge to comfort his lover.
"That must have been a really bad dream. Do you wanna talk about it?"
Train only asked because recently Creed didn't want to talk about his nightmares. This was another thing that was frustrating to the cat, since Creed told him everything.
Well… Not everything…
The gunman smacked his own head again to get rid of the voice. He wanted to be present right now so he could be there for Creed. The last thing he wanted was for this damned voice to haunt him while he tried to soothe his partner.
Creed blinked when Train wiped a tear away, then frowned deeply as he saw his love smack himself again. "I feel like you have something you want to talk about. Why are you abusing yourself, mon chat?" (3)
"C'est juste une mouche. I'm fine Creed." (4)
Although I do want to talk about something. I just know you won't answer.
Train wanted to ask him again about Sven, but he knew how that conversation would end. Either Creed would avoid it, change the subject, or Train would turn it into an argument and walk away. He didn't want to fight his partner, but the more Creed dodged the subject, the more irritated Train became. It had gotten to the point that when the silver man didn't give him an answer, Train would have to walk away to cool off.
I want to give him a chance to tell me himself, but at this rate… I'm probably going to have to find the answers myself.
Nodding to himself, Train moved off Creed's lap and laid back down on the roof. Seeing the sad look in his partner's eyes, the cat rolled his eyes and gestured for Creed to lay next to him. The swordsman didn't need to be told twice. In fact, before Train even tapped the spot next to him, Creed was there in an instant. While Train wanted time to be by himself, Creed always felt like he was dying without his beloved. Even if it was just for a few hours.
Train smiled at his lover as he situated himself as close as possible. Creed wrapped his arms around the Black Cat's waist, cuddling his face as deep into Train's chest as he could, taking in a deep breath and sighing blissfully. Creed did that a lot and while anyone else may have found it strange, Train had learned smell was one of his partner's strongest senses. He figured that's why he loved flowers so much.
He wrapped his arm around Creed's back, pulling him closer as he kissed his cheek, his other arm acting as a pillow behind his head. His eyes stayed fixated on the sky, looking for any signs of Saya watching over him. Even though she was gone, he could feel her presence every time he looked up. Sky gazing was one of the many things they had in common. Whether it be day or night, they constantly found themselves staring into the sanguine chasm that was the sky.
Train closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the feel of the warm breeze as it brushed against his agile frame. The sun's rays felt sublime against his slightly tanned skin, the pressure of his partner against him the icing on the cake as he addressed Saya again.
"Have you met Creed, Saya?"
Creed was lost in his own thoughts as he gazed breathlessly at his beloved, unable to decipher the world around him as he watched his beautiful partner simply exist. However, when he heard his love's enchanting voice speak to the woman he had killed, Creed felt his heart sink beneath his feet once more.
"He's my partner, Saya. He always has my back, like you did…"
Creed knew his beloved was speaking out of love for him, but he felt a knife twist in his heart at the bit of pain behind Train's voice.
I don't deserve this…
"I know he's a bit strange, but who isn't? Like you always said, who wants to be normal anyway?"
Creed buried his face into his cat when he laughed, trying to use his golden love's body to block out the hurt that was now rushing through him like a title wave.
"Anyway, I wish you had a chance to meet him. Despite how different you two are, I think you would have gotten along. Then again, you got along with everyone… Whether they liked it or not."
Train felt Creed breathe deeply and looked down curiously at his partner. The swordsman felt stiff against him and his hold was tightening with each of Train's melancholy words.
You know what that's happening… It's probably guilt.
Train shook his head before the voice could get started again. He kept one hand around Creed's back then placed the other under the silver man's chin. The cat scooped up his lover's face, making sure their eyes met.
"What's wrong? Still thinking about that dream?"
That has to be it. I can't accept anything other than that right now.
He felt even more at peace now that Creed was there, and he wasn't going to let that doubt in his head ruin the moment he was trying to have with the two people he cared most about in the world.
Creed's voice was shaky, but he managed to speak. "Y-yes…"
Train smiled lovingly at him, then captured his lips with his own. Creed responded immediately, gripping his beloved's shirt as Train pulled him closer. They remained like that for a moment longer before Train broke the kiss again. When Creed saw that look on his cat's face, everything else around him slipped away.
It's astonishing how quickly he can get me to forget about all the pain and guilt in my heart… He's so beautiful…
Creed decided to voice his thoughts out loud. "Jsi tak krásná." (5)
Train smirked. "Sám nejsi tak zlý." (6)
The silver man couldn't help but laugh, completely forgetting the guilt he had felt moments ago. "You know Czeh, too? Will you ever stop surprising me, Kitten?"
The golden man pinched his cheek lightly. "I told you Chronos had me learn a lot of languages. Probably more than you since I was a number."
"Oh, Chronos didn't teach me any languages."
Train cocked an eyebrow at that. "Is that so?"
It was Creed's turn to smirk. "It is indeed so. I learned those languages on my own. Most of them even before I joined Chronos." Creed rested his head back against his love's chest, tracing the outline of his muscle through the thin, white shirt he was wearing. "You know me, I've always been fascinated with works of art. Language is just another form of art."
Train chuckled lightly at that, resting his brown locks back against the roof, resting his head against his hand once more. He shut his eyes as he contemplated what Creed said.
"That makes sense. There's so many different forms of art around the mansion I'm starting to lose track. I guess I shouldn't be surprised how much you love beautiful works of art. You've always loved painting, piano, dancing-"
"-You."
Train opened his eyes and looked down at his partner who was staring dreamily into his eyes. The cat felt his heart flutter at that look and smiled.
"How dare you."
Creed blinked. "What?"
Train chuckled. "How dare you say something so sweet and then give me such a cute look. That's not fair."
Creed chuckled lightly as he slid his fingers up Train's stomach to his chest, outlining every inch of his love's strong muscles. "Well, it's true. You are a work of art." Creed sighed blissfully as he watched his fingers glide gracefully along his cat. "Out of all the works of art I've ever seen, ever heard, ever spoke. None of them are as beautiful as you."
Train stared at his partner as he spoke, his body getting warmer and warmer with each word that left his fair lips.
"The smile of Mona Lisa pales in comparison to yours. The sound of Michael Nyman's The Promise, cannot hold a candle to the sound of your voice. And every romantic language in existence can never express the love I feel for you, my Dear Train."
Creed had always called him, 'dear', but this time it was different. Hearing it at the end of such a beautiful sentence sent Train's heart on fire. Train shivered as Creed's hand made its way to his neck, then his shoulder, then his face. When he spoke those last words, Creed cupped Train's cheek tenderly, rubbing his thumb gently against his warm, velvety skin.
Train forgot the doubts he had been feeling moments ago as he placed his hand on the back of Creed's, pressing his partner's fingers further into his cheek as he smiled adoringly at the man. It was hard to top Creed's loving statement, so Train decided to instead ask a question about his.
"I know the Mona Lisa and can speak almost every romantic language, but I've never heard of a musical piece called This Promise before…"
Creed sat up a little at that. "Really?"
Train shook his head. "No. I don't know music very well…" He was a little embarrassed, especially considering how much work Creed had put into his piano skills.
The swordsman stood up, pulling Train gently along with him. "Of course you have. I've played it a million times before. It's one of my favorite pieces. Come. I'll play for you now."
Train followed willingly, allowing his partner to guide him down the stairs back into their room. After moving around so much and sharing a room for so long, Train had learned that Creed began putting the piano in the room they slept in. It was wonderful since the cat found himself often being woken up to beautiful music that also lulled him to sleep.
Creed sat his beloved in the bay window, running his fingers through his hair a few times, etching the image of the setting sun glowing gloriously against Train's perfect figure. Sighing blissfully, wondering to himself how he could ever feel any negative emotions when his cat was around, Creed kissed him gently on the forehead then made his way over to the piano.
He played a few quick scales to warm himself up, then shook his fingers to prepare himself. There was no need for sheet music, since he had memorized all of his favorite songs. As soon as he began the song, his mind left the world. Creed felt himself floating on every emotion he had ever felt. He felt the strength Train gave him, and the gentleness of his love. The swordsman felt the music accept his anger into its soothing depths, replacing it with peace. His left hand glided smoothly across the keys in quick sequencing motions the piece dicated. Creed's mind became blank as he neared the climax of the song, smiling felicitously as images of Train flashed before his eyes with each stroke of the key.
The second Creed had started playing the song, Train's jaw dropped. He did know this song. It was the one he woke up to every morning. The one that never failed to soothe him back to sleep. There was something comforting about this song. Something that told him it was okay to surrender his nightmares to the music. It felt protective, yet careless. Strong, yet fragile. Troubled, yet carefree.
With each note his partner played, Train felt his worries disappear. He watched in awe as the man he learned to love lost himself in the music. His long, silver hair danced elegantly across his face, the smile adorning his lips being one Train knew all too well and his heart filled with adoration for his partner. As the song reached its climax, Train began to wonder what he was even concerned about on the roof. Everything else outside of his room, outside of his music, seemed insignificant to him. Falling deeper and deeper into the melody, Train felt himself relax and release all the weights that had been driving his heart into the ground.
As the song neared the end, Train found his body moving on its own. He was on his feet and next to his partner in the blink of an eye. Creed barely had a moment to take his hands away from the keys as Train wrapped his arm around his waist, pulling him up from the piano bench which was knocked over from Creed's abrupt change in position.
The swordsman was reacting to Train's body immediately. As soon as his beloved stood him up, Creed turned around and wrapped his arms around his cat's back, pulling him in closely as Train deepened the kiss immediately. Creed sighed delightfully into the kiss, making sure his tongue was instantly wrapped around Train's.
Train pulled his partner even close, his heart beating so fast he was actually worried he was going to pass out. When he felt Creed's tongue twirl around his own, his lithe, piano fingers gripping tightly to his shirt, Train felt his body moving on its own again as he led the man to their bed.
When Train's knees hit the mattress he fell back with a light thump, Creed on top of him in an instant. The Black Cat crawled towards the middle of the bed, the silver swordsman following eagerly after him, their lips never parting as they settled themselves in the mattress' center.
Creed pulled away just quick enough to slide Train's shirt off his head. There was no need to undo his own since his cat was already on it. Creed felt an excited chill rush down his body at the feel of his love's fingers working quickly to unbutton his shirt.
As Train finished the last few buttons, Creed ran his hands up his beloved's chest, relishing every muscle twitch, every soft bit of flesh, every motion, and every sound his cat made against his digits. Creed gasped loudly and shivered when he felt Train's hands sail across his own chest, moaning in anticipation as his Kitten's fingers danced teasingly at his pants.
Creed allowed Train to begin undoing his pants as he replaced his lips from his love's mouth to his neck. By now, he already had Train's body memorized. He knew all of his weak points, all of his pleasurable spots, and he was going to use his knowledge of his lover to play him just as beautiful as he just played the piano.
I don't deserve this…
His inner dialogue seemed to have different plans in mind for him as it began to remind him of the guilt he just felt.
I'm lying to him… Right to his beautiful face. I killed someone he cared deeply for and then took advantage of his weakness to get him to love me.
Creed hissed lustfully when he felt Train's hand slide down his pants and grip him tightly between the legs. He latched his lips back onto his beloved, nipping, sucking, kissing, and licking every inch of his cat's jawline and neck. He stopped and paid close attention to each of his more enjoyable spots, making sure his beloved was well taken care of under his mouth.
When Train moved his hand back and forth between his legs, Creed felt like he was going to explode right on the spot. Whenever his beloved touched him like this, Creed had to fight back the urge to cum immediately, which was hard considering how strong and skilful his Kitten's hands were. Even though his love's only experience was with him, Train had learned very well how to work his shaft.
"Oh, Train…" He moaned as he pulled away enough to see his love's eyes, his heart bursting with joy at the thrilled look painted on his face. "Train… My Kitten… My Cat… My Love..."
You don't deserve this…
Creed shook his head violently and landed back onto his cat, this time working on his chest, his tongue tracing every inch, every curve, every glorious divit his beloved's body had.
You are so greedy… You are a selfish piece of garbage.
Creed traveled his hands to Train's hair, running it through them hungrily as he continued biting and sucking at the sensitive skin all along his partner's body.
How dare you give into your desires after what you did to him?! After what you're still doing to him…
Creed tried to ignore the voice as he slipped his hands from Train's hair to his pants, shaking with elation as his love continued working his cock in his wonderful hands. Creed's lips never left Train's body, making sure his tongue memorized every inch of his love, just in case this moment didn't happen after Train learned the truth.
If you're going to make love to him, at least tell him the truth. Stop and tell him the truth. Right now.
Creed pulled back from his cat and stared down at his breathtaking face. Train looked confused and sad that he had stopped and the silver man nearly wept at the puppy dog look his love was giving him.
"Creed?" He said between deep breaths. "What's wrong?"
Creed must have had a strange look on his face since Train's desperate, lustful look changed to a curious, slightly scared one. The swordsman allowed his eyes to drink in the entirety of his beloved and moaned from the longing ache he felt. His heart, body, and soul wanted more than anything to just forget about his guilt and ravage his love's body. But, that damned voice in his head kept nagging him.
Tell. Him.
"Train…" He ran his fingers through his Kitten's hair, holding back tears as he gazed into those golden eyes he was so obsessed with. "Train… I…"
Creed looked down at his beloved's flushed face, feeling himself growing weaker and weaker the longer he looked. The swordsman then allowed his stare to fall onto Train's chest and watched it rise and fall rapidly, his Kitten still trying to catch his breath after Creed's onslaught of kisses and caresses. Creed's eyes then gazed at his beloved's stomach and moaned longingly at the lean muscles and soft skin, knowing all too well what it felt and tasted like, his senses needing to devour everything his love had to offer.
Train seemed to notice Creed's eyes eating him up hungrily and he flinched a little under the prying gaze. The silver man's heart fluttered and the heat building in his body grew to an unimaginable level when he saw his cat's body twitch under his lustful, blue eyes. Creed looked back at his partner's face and groaned loudly, unable to hold back the verbal sound that confirmed how much he wanted Train.
His body ached to touch him, feel him, taste him… be with him. Creed couldn't finish his sentence, knowing it would mean this moment would end. Knowing it meant Train would no longer love him and he may never see his beautiful, dark feline again.
I… Can't….
Creed smiled heartily at his beloved, removing one of his hands from Train's chest and using it to caress his chin, delicately tracing his jawline up to his cheek then finally landing in those perfect, chocolate locks. The silver man sighed zealously as he relished the feel of his Kitten's silky hair dancing playfully with his fingers.
"Do you know why I wake you up with that song every morning?"
Train was enjoying the gentle caresses Creed was giving him, smiling warmly then shaking his head at his partner's question.
Creed continued running his fingers through Train's hair as he spoke. "To remind me of The Promise you made me those many months ago. The Promise that makes me feel safe… Like I will never lose you. The Promise that was the confirmation of the love we share… The bond we have… The strength of our relationship…"
Using this other hand, he ran his fingers tips up and down his beloved's chest, savoring the way his Kitten quaked beneath his hand.
"That piece reminds me of you… It's beautiful, yet deadly. Carefree, but sings volumes of a troubled pass and gives a heavy heart to its listener. It holds a fiery passion that demands everyone's attention, yet does not need validation for the beauty it undoubtedly has. If you listen closely, the melody does not really change, merely ornaments since there is no need to change what it is at its core. That confidence, that self-reliant, jovial attitude that hums throughout the piece… Is all exactly like you, mon chat…"
Train didn't know what to say in response to that. This was the second time just today Creed had left him speechless with his beautiful words.
And if you count the piano playing, this is actually the third time.
Creed's flowery words and loving praises is one of the things that made Train fall for him. His partner always spoke to him so kindly, so sincerely, so genuinely and adoringly that the cat couldn't help but swoon. And swooning was not something the Black Cat ever thought he would do.
Since he was unable to speak, Train let his body do the talking for him. That was more his style anyway.
The golden man shivered as Creed's finger continued tracing his chest and stomach, then pulled him close, locking their lips together. The silver man responded with vigor, running his hands up his love's body once more as he kissed his cat as deeply as he could.
You're so weak…
Creed ignored the guilty voice in his head. Train tasted and felt too good to pay it any mind. Every inch of Train belonged to him, and he wasn't going to let his guilty conscience take him away.
But I need him...
You're garbage!
Creed nibbled at Train's neck, gliding his tongue up his beloved until he reached his ear. He then nibbled voraciously at his cat's ear, his heart beating fast when he heard Train's chuckle quietly, reminding the silver man how cute his cat was.
No… No, I deserve him. No one else does! No one understands him like I do!
Saya understood him better. Saya is the one that deserves to be with him like this. She's the one that softened his heart. You're just the rapacious trash that took it. It doesn't belong with you.
Creed held his love in place so he wouldn't move away from his light, loving tickles. Finally, the swordsman decided to stop tormenting his Kitten and instead trailed his lips back down Train's neck, pausing at every spot he knew turned his cat on, giving every inch of his beloved the attention it deserved. When he reached Train's collar bone, his tongue traced his tattoo, moaning cannily as his hands slid down to his Kitten's pants to undo them quickly.
No… I earned the right to be with him… I worked so hard for this. I've waited so long. I've endured so much to be with him. No one could ever love him as much as I do…
That's just what you want to believe… You're taking advantage of his trust. And you know what you would do to anyone else who took advantage of Train...
Hearing Train cry out passionately when Creed attacked his nipple, the swordsman knew the guilt in his head was dead. Train's cries of pleasure and passion were more magnificent than any music he could ever create with his piano. Everything about his beloved was beyond perfection and Creed needed that perfection to make him whole. He couldn't live without Train, and in that moment, he gave into his selfish desires.
I know what I'd do to anyone else who took advantage of Train, but…
Creed twirled his tongue around his cat's nipple again, then bit at it gently, earning another loud moan and hiss from his cat. When he finally got Train's pants undone, he pulled them down quickly and tossed them to the side. His heart was beating violently in his chest and his body was on fire with an insatiable fervor that only Train could satisfy.
But… I won't ever hurt him again. I won't allow anyone else to hurt him either… He's mine now and forever. I know I made a mistake, but that won't happen again. I'll make sure he's safe and happy for the rest of our lives together.
With that thought in mind, Creed was able to proceed guilt free. He pulled back from his Kitten to remove his own shirt and pants, tossing them to the side carelessly as he consumed Train with his ravenous eyes once more. Before Train could react to his gaze, Creed was on him again, his lips attacking his beloved's body wherever they could reach.
Train gasped and moaned loudly, running his hands along Creed's hair and back, arching his back eager as his partner circled each of his nipples with his tongue again. He gripped Creed's silver hair tightly when he felt his lips traveled even lower, pausing momentarily at his pelvis as he sucked and nipped tenderly at the senstive skin there.
Creed used his hands to push Train's legs apart so he could have more room to work. As he took his cat into his mouth, he looked up at Train's face, smirking proudly at the look his beloved made.
So beautiful…
Creed was happy to hear his thoughts had returned to normal. Now he could fully enjoy his Kitten without interruptions.
"Oh, Creed…"
The silver man felt his member become fully erect when Train whispered his name lustfully. This was all the encouragement he needed to bob his head up and down slowly at first, so he could continue watching Train's face tremble in pleasure, his body shuddering with each spin and twirl Creed made with his tongue.
"Oh, God…" Train moaned again, sending chills down Creed's back. "Faster, my Stallion…"
Creed complied immediately, moving his head up and down quicker than before. He wrapped his lips tighter around Train's cock, his tongue working its magic as he excitedly licked every bit of his beloved. He pulled back only for a moment so he would circle the tip of Train's penis with his tongue, smiling arrogantly when he saw his love throw his head back and cry out passionately.
"C-Creed..." Train's voice was desperate as he pushed his lover's head back down on his shaft.
"Yes, my Kitten…?" Creed said, kissing the top of his love's member, not allowing Train to move his head just yet. Instead, he outlined his beloved's member with his fingers, the same lustfully smile painted on his face.
Train glared down at his partner. "Y-you know what I want…"
Creed sucked on his tip once more, continuing his sweet stare at his love's face. "Oh, I do, Kitten… But I want to hear you say it…"
He knew it was going to happen no matter what, so he subtly reached to the side where they kept the oil and began lubing up his fingers.
Train moaned with a combination of frustration and pleasure as his lover continued teasing and playing with his member. "Oh… God…"
Seeing as Creed wouldn't allow him to control his head, Train tried to buck his hips up into his partner's mouth. Creed only sucked on it once more, before chuckling quietly and teasing Train's entrance with his fingers.
As soon as Train felt the man's fingers touch his entrance, he gasped loudly and nodded his head, almost instantly forgetting about what Creed's mouth had stopped doing to him. The swordsman only pushed his fingers in a little, once more sucking at the tip of his penis, still trying to get his love to tell Creed what he wanted.
"Creed…" Train moaned again, spreading his legs further in hopes that his lover would give him more.
"Yes, Train?" Creed responded innocently, as if he had no idea what his beloved wanted.
Train's eyes widened and he gasped noisily when Creed blew lightly at his member. The Black Cat pulled at his partner's hair ardently, his body about to explode with want, unable to control the heat that was building in his body. He wanted Creed to enter him so badly, and desired his mouth against his shaft so fiercely that he felt like he would die if he didn't get it.
"Creed… I want you…"
Creed smirked. Train had almost said what he wanted, but the swordsman decided to lick his cock once more and push his fingers in a little further. He wanted to show his beloved what he would get if he just said those sensual words his ears begged to hear.
When Creed's fingers entered him further and licked his shaft again, Train knew he couldn't take it anymore and eagerly told his lover what he wanted to hear.
"Creed… Take me…"
The moment those words entered Creed's ears he pushed his fingers all the way into his cat, finding his sweet spot immediately and brushing against it seductively. His mouth began working against his cock once more, moving up and down quicker than before, his tongue pivoting, twirling, and swirling everywhere it could. His fingers tickled at his pleasurable spot over and over, moaning at the taste and feel of his cat.
Train's whole body burst into flames as soon as Creed poked that spot inside him. He gripped his partner's hair so tightly he almost pulled out his silver Stallions locks. Creed didn't seem to care. In fact, when Train bucked his hips up and pulled his hair, the swordsman moved his mouth faster and worked his fingers harder against his entrance.
"C-Creed…" It all felt so good, but he wanted more. He gasped again and cried out when Creed entered another finger and poked him over and over again, his tongue and lips still working miracles against his hard shaft.
"Oh, God, Creed… M-more…"
Creed didn't stop what he was doing. He wanted to hear Train's shaky voice ask for more again before he took them to the next level. However, he knew no matter that it was going to happen and he already greased himself up. His member was ready for Train's body. It wept to be inside him, but his greedy depravity demanded to hear his beloved's harmonic voice again.
Still enjoying the sensation his lover was giving him, but needing more, Train asked again, knowing that's exactly what his partner wanted and more than willing to give it to him.
"Creed… Make love to me…"
Those were the exact words Creed wanted to hear and he pulled back, chuckling quietly as his beloved whimpered sadly when the feelings stopped, but gasped loudly when the swordsman pushed something far larger inside of him.
Creed pulled Train onto his lap and lowered his beloved onto his shaft. He did it slowly, not because it hurt Train, they had done it enough by now that his cat was used to him entering his ass. Creed moved slowly because he reveled in the look his love gave as he moved inside of him. Train's gasps were so exquisite, his eyes glossed over in lust was almost more than Creed could take, and feeling his Kitten's fingers cling firmly to his back was almost as good as feeling the tightness of his ass around his penis.
Almost, but not quite…
Before he started to thrust into his lover, Creed moved his lips back against his neck. He could feel his beloved's throat vibrate against his lips as he purred divinely as the feel of Creed inside him. The silver man licked and sucked at the soft skin around his neck, nibbling at all of Train's excitable spots, feeling the heat in his body rise considerably.
Creed moved his hips up once, moaning joyously at Train's gasp and repeated the motion. He brushed against his love's soft spot biting down on his Kitten's neck when he let out a loud cry, tightening involuntarily which gave more pressure and more pleasure to Creed.
Before he increased his movements, Creed pulled away and looked deep into his beloved's eyes.
"Your wish is my command, Kitten…"
Train's eyes widened when Creed adjusted himself slightly so he could hit his spot forcefully. He grasped powerfully at his lover, resting his forehead against Creed's as the silver man thrust harder into him, slamming into his ass roughly, yet elegantly. Lustfully, yet lovingly. Train attached his lips to Creed, needing to feel the man's tongue against his own, longing to taste his partner again before Creed let himself go.
When Train pulled back, he rested the side of his head against Creed's, nodding vigorously as his voice cracked with pleasure.
"Do it."
Creed smirked once more before moving his hands to Train's hips. He gripped them firmly and began bouncing his beloved on his lap, making sure to hit his love's sweet spot with each motion. Creed also made sure he matched his beloved's bouncing body with his thrusts, moving faster and faster with each motion he made into his cat.
As Creed moved in and out of him powerfully, Train cried out loudly, pulling his lover as close as he could, his fingers digging harshly into Creed's pale skin, knowing he wasn't going to last long. With each passing second, his partner moved even quicker, adding such strength behind every movement, Train felt like he was being fucked to another world.
"Oh, Creed!" He shouted out, feeling goosebumps rise on his Stallions skin. "Creed… My Stallion… Faster…!"
Creed didn't know how he managed, but he obeyed his love's quaking voice eagerly. He could feel Train's heart beat rapidly against his own, his breath brushing smoothly against his ear, sending chills down his back as Train shouted his name again.
"Oh, my dear Train…" Creed said as he bounced his love even faster, feeling his cat tightening even more as he said his name. "Oh, Kitten… You feel so good…."
Train felt his heart flare with a hot, fiery passion he didn't think he had in him and moved so his face was in front of Creed's. The silver man locked eyes with his beloved, knowing they were both going to cum soon. Before that happened though, they needed to see each other's eyes, to remind themselves who was giving them this intense pleasure.
Creed's heart was soaring with delight, knowing his cat wanted this. Knowing his beloved was enjoying each thrust and each feeling Creed was giving him. Without realizing it, his body had found a way to move even faster, at such a speed he impressed even himself. But, he wasn't surprised. Train always had a way of making him do the impossible, and their love making was no different.
As he gazed into his beloved's eyes, watching his body bounce on his lap, his cock ready to explode at the ecstasy he was in. When Train cried out again, Creed knew his love was almost ready and plunged in deeper, hitting that spot with everything he had so his cat could feel every bit of pleasure he was feeling.
"Train…" Creed managed between his gasps and thrusts, holding himself from bursting long enough until his love finished. "Train… I love you."
When Creed said those words Train felt himself explode onto his lover's chest. He cried out loudly and threw his head back, then collapsed tiredly onto his Stallions chest. Seeing his cat had climaxed, Creed thrust a few more times before exploding inside of his partner, filling his Kitten with this love, making sure he stayed inside Train until everything he had was inside of his beloved. This was Creed's way of marking the Black Cat as his own. No one else had ever done this to Train, and Creed wasn't going to ever let anyone other than himself fill the golden man with their essence.
Feeling the last of his semen enter his cat, Creed smiled and looked deeply into his lover's eyes, caressing his flushed cheek gingerly. "I love you, Train Heartnet…"
Train smiled and ran his fingers through his partner's hair, still trying to catch his breath after their intense love making session. "I love you too, Creed…"
Creed leaned into his beloved's hand, taking it into his own as he kissed each finger lovingly.
You are such a greedy piece of trash. How dare you make claims to this beautiful man you have no business owning? How dare you make love to him so willingly, so freely when you know full well he'd never agreed to this if he knew the truth?
Creed shook his head and kissed Train passionately, once more using his beloved's presence to block out the guilty thoughts that had returned.
You are garbage. You don't deserve to even say Train's name.
Creed forced back a sob as the voice yelled at him in his head, continuing to desperately kiss his cat, praying that would be enough to shut his mind up.
You lying piece of trash…
The silver man pulled away from his beloved and allowed himself to get lost in Train's eyes. Creed felt his heart fill with warmth and shame as he nuzzled his lover's face tenderly, making sure Train didn't see the tear he lost control of, but held in the sob his chest needed to get out.
Creed knew no matter what, he wasn't going to give Train up. Even when he decided to tell his cat the truth, there was nothing in the world he would let take Train away from him. Train was his and his alone. No one else deserved him. No one else in the world could ever love him or understand him like Creed did.
He's mine...
Feeling his possessiveness take over his guilt, Creed wrapped his arms tightly around his Kitten, burying his face as far into Train's shoulder as he could.
"You are mine, Train Heartnet… And I am yours… Now and forever…"
Four weeks had passed and Train was beyond frustrated at his point. He brought up Sven almost every day and Creed constantly shot it down or gave some kind of answer Train knew was complete bullshit. It was getting to the point where the Black Cat found himself pushing Creed out of their room and made him sleep in what was originally supposed to be his. He also found himself sitting on the roof by himself almost every day, not willing to hear what his partner had to say about the subject anymore.
You know why he's not talking about it. Don't you see how defensive he gets? It has to be something that he knows would drive you away. Why else would he dodge it so frantically?
Instead of fighting with the doubt, Train sighed and rolled over, avoiding the unusual brightness of the night sky. The moon was taunting him with its bright brilliance and the stars twinkled ironically in his opinion. It didn't help that they had stayed in the same spot for almost two months now and Train was starting to get antsy. He didn't like sitting still and it wasn't like they could leave either. Creed kept saying Chronos was still looking for them, but Train was beginning to think it was an excuse to keep him there.
He knows you spoke to Sven about something… He may not know what, but Creed isn't stupid. He's probably figured out you keep asking to leave because he knows you're going to see Sven.
Again, Train decided not to argue with himself. He had gotten used to this voice of doubt and found it was easier to just live with it instead of fight. Besides, he didn't want to look like a crazy person sitting on the roof talking to himself.
Why don't you just leave? Just sneak out and find Sven and get your answers. You're the Black Cat! You can easily jump off this roof and avoid Creed and the rest of the group.
Train didn't need to respond to his inner voice. He knew why he didn't do that. Despite how angry he had been getting with Creed, he didn't want to betray him like that. While Train had been pushing Creed away a little, Creed was clinging even tighter, which also annoyed him. His feelings for his partner had not changed, but he really didn't want to have him constantly following him again when he asked to be alone like he did when they were in Chronos.
Then just leave! It's not like Creed is totally innocent here. All he has to do is tell you how he knows Sven and this will all be over. The fact that he's fighting it so much is all the more reason you have to find out the truth.
He growled at himself, once again knowing the answer to that question. While Creed had calmed down a lot since they left Chronos, Train still wasn't sure what he'd do to the rest of the group if he left unannounced. While there were several Taoist that he didn't get along with, Train still valued their lives enough to not put them at danger.
Haven't you also noticed that Creed started having Shoot Star members follow you around? They're so bad at it, you have to have noticed…
The golden man rubbed his forehead at that thought. It was true. Creed must have known he figured out he was being followed by their useless lackeys. Train also knew they were reporting back to Creed about what Train was doing and where he was at. It was like his partner knew he wanted to leave and Creed wasn't going to let that happen.
You've always known he was possessive. Makes sense, right? In his eyes, you want to leave to see another man. Do you really think he's going to allow that?
The Black Cat also noticed a high presence of guards throughout the mansion and the yard. Creed even put a few men in the garden, which Train had decided to stop going to about a week ago when he noticed someone following him. It put a bad taste in his mouth and he suddenly decided he didn't want to tend to the stallions anymore. He knew Creed could be controlling, but this was getting out of hand. And while he had stopped giving flowers to Creed, his partner had practically buried him in roses. It was to the point that Train had nowhere else to put them in his room. He ran out of vases and began stacking them on his dresser and nightstand.
He also knows you value your space and your independence, but lately he's been disrespecting that for his own selfish desires.
That was one of the things that frustrated him the most. Creed always respected his wants, even when they were to be alone, but lately his partner didn't seem to care what Train wanted. It was as if the swordsman thought Train was going to leave him forever. As if he was going to break his promise.
He's been playing that song so much lately, you could probably play it yourself by now.
Train knew why Creed was doing that. It was his passive aggressive way to remind the Black Cat of the promise he made him. Train didn't plan on breaking it, but lately he was getting sick of having Creed constantly on his back, giving him every little reminder he could about what Train had said to him their first night together.
Just leave. You can even fly now! Just jump off the roof and fly across the field of guards and cameras and go get your answers.
"I can't betray Creed like that…"
Train sighed again as he turned to look back at the night sky, reaching his hands out as if he could catch the stars that rested peacefully in the abyss.
"What should I do, Saya?"
The star he was reaching for shimmered reassuringly, as if Saya was telling him everything was going to be okay. Train smiled at the gesture, then nodded his head.
"I think you're right. I'll talk to him again."
I'll give him one more chance before I find out myself.
With that thought in his head, Train stood and leapt down the stairs back into his room. He was going to find Creed and try one more time.
Creed was sitting in the kitchen, staring out the large windows that led to the garden and sighed in agony. He noticed Train had stopped going into the garden to tend to the flowers he cherished, and Creed also noticed he had stopped receiving those flowers about a week ago. His beloved was so cut off from the flowers that Creed found himself tending to them himself.
Which hurts more than Train could ever realize… I feel like I'm back to tending to my own needs because my cat will not.
Lately, it was starting to feel like he was keeping Train prisoner. His cat asked several times every day when they could leave. The first few times, Creed assumed he meant when they could move to the next location. His love hated being in the same place for too long and actually enjoyed it when they moved to a new mansion. But recently, Creed couldn't help but notice the change in his tone. Train was asking if he could leave and Creed knew it.
Creed gripped the glass of whine violently, almost breaking it under his strong hand.
No! No, I will not lose him! I know he's going to see the sweeper. It's been made clear from how much Train keeps bringing him up what he's planning.
Creed growled to himself. "I won't let that happen…"
He knew he couldn't live with the guilt of lying to his beloved, but he also couldn't live without him. Between his guilt and his Kitten, he'd rather have his Kitten and learn to get used to the guilt.
But now I've resorted to watching him all the time. I find myself following him around, clinging to him desperately and begging him to spend time with me like when we were with Chronos…
The lies, the guards, the secrecy… Creed knew Train was losing his patience and was most likely planning on leaving without telling the swordsman. Ironic, since the reason Creed wasn't telling him about how he knew Sven was because he was scared of him leaving.
I'm in a lose lose situation. Why don't I just tell him?
Creed shook his head.
No. Now isn't the time. I feel like he's always angry at me lately because he knows I'm hiding something from him, so if I tell him now, he will definitely leave.
Creed was also sure Train would fight him if he had to. After seeing how much he still missed that sweeper woman, the silver man knew what his beloved would do if he found out the truth. And with Train always mad at him now, this annoying thought had become an unavoidable fact.
I should have told him the first time he asked after Freesia's birthday party… When he was still so totally in love with me and might have been able to forgive.
Train had stepped back from him greatly the last two weeks. He asked for alone time more and more and Creed found himself sleeping alone quite often. While his cat still assured Creed his feelings had not changed, he always said it with such bitterness the silver man was beginning to think it was only a matter of time before he lost his cat's love. There were even a few times after Train became angry with him and Creed told him he loved him, the Black Cat did not respond. Instead, he would walk away and find solace in his room or on the roof.
You made your bed, now lie in it. You know you don't deserve his love anyway. If he stops loving you because of your greedy, clingy, and lying behavior, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Creed slammed his fist on the window sill he looked out of, his heart bleeding in his chest, his body shaking with uncertainty as he thought about his future with his cat.
You could at least ease up on the security. That actually seems to be making him more mad than anything else. No matter how much you're lying to him, forcing him to stay somewhere he doesn't want to makes you no better than Chronos.
Just a year ago, Creed was trying to break Train out of a cell Chronos held him in because he knew his beloved hated being locked up. And now, Creed was doing the same thing. Yes, Train was being kept in a mansion with people waiting on his every need, but the swordsman knew that didn't matter to his kitten. What mattered to Train was being free to do as he pleased. And right now, Creed was preventing him from doing that.
You need to either let him go, or tell him the truth. Either way, the results will be the same. May as well get it over with so you can stop feeling this ambiguity that has become your relationship.
"No!" Creed said to himself. "I won't lose him… I can't…"
Well, you're going to. Why not at least give him the respect he deserves by telling him yourself instead of letting him find out from a stranger?
That made a lot of sense to Creed. Who knows what Sven would say to him? He was on the receiving end of Creed's insanity, so of course he was going to tell the worst possible story. The sweeper was going to paint Creed in such a negative light, Train would never be able to see him the same way again.
But if you tell him… You might be able to reason with him a little more…
Creed shook his head. He knew that part wasn't true. While hearing it from someone else may be worse, the swordsman still didn't think anything would change. No matter if he was eased into the truth by Creed, or told an elaborate, fearful story from a stranger, the truth didn't change: He killed Saya and allowed Train to believe it was Sephiria for almost a year. He killed his love's best friend and lied to him about it.
If the results are the same, you may as well tell him. If you're going to lose him, wouldn't you rather it be because you finally told the truth instead of locked him up so he wouldn't find out?
This time Creed hit himself. While he was pretty sure he knew why Train was asking to leave and even that his beloved may have been starting to put the pieces together on his own, he still didn't want to let go of the hope that his cat was just going stir crazy and just wanted to stretch his legs in the outside world for awhile.
If that's the case then why not let him go? Why are you keeping him locked up if you think that's the truth? And don't use that Chronos bullshit as an excuse. You know that's not why you're keeping him prisoner in his own home.
Creed did know. With how much Train had been asking about that sweeper and the distance he had started to place between them, Creed knew his beloved was about to run off to find answers on his own. He saw his cat talking to Sven at the party, he knew his love seemed to like the man, and he knew that conversation most likely had something to do with where Train could find him. Creed wanted to ask Train what they talked about, but that would only open up the conversation about the green haired man. And that was the last thing Creed wanted.
The swordsman groaned painfully. The last three weeks, Train had been kicking him out of the bed as well. While there had been times when Creed was permitted to cuddle next to his Kitten, the last three nights Train hadn't let him. The Black Cat even took his meals in his room alone. At this rate, he knew he was going to lose Train no matter what, but since his cat was still telling Creed he loved him, he didn't want to bury himself by revealing the truth if that really didn't have anything to do with his love's distancing.
Creed sighed and spun his glass of wine as he sat on the window sill, gazing at the dark sky, wishing he could watch the stars with Train.
"I miss you so much, Train…"
"Why? I'm right here?"
Creed turned around quickly, nearly dropping his wine. He nearly wept at the sight of his beloved, glowing brilliantly in the moon's ray coming through the large window the silver man sat on. Creed felt his race swell with love as he stared at his cat, the glimmer of the stars and moon cascading down his love's flawless skin, glistening beautifully against his brown hair as his eyes shone splendidly into Creed's.
How can he be so beautiful just by entering a room? It's too much to handle!
"Train…" Creed said longingly, not bothering to hide the pain in his heart at his beloved's absence.
He put his drink down rapidly, not caring that he actually missed the sill, his glass falling to the floor and shattering. Creed quickly approached Train and wrapped his arms around his cat's neck, burying his face as deep into his beloved's face as he could. He held Train tightly, not wanting to let go, knowing if he did, he might lose his love forever.
"Train…" He said again, his voice still forlorn as he pulled his Kitten even closer.
Train sighed and wrapped his arms around Creed's waist to return the hug, running his fingers delicately along his back, but feeling his heart wasn't really in it. While he still cared about Creed, he found himself having a hard time showing affection towards him right now.
Creed snuggled his face closer, once more trying to lose his hurt and guilt in the comfort of his beloved. "I didn't see you at dinner again… Did you eat? Are you hungry?"
Train didn't answer at first, then sighed again.
Even when he's clearly this sad and this hurt, the first words out of his mouth are of concern for me.
He really didn't want to be mad at his partner, but couldn't help it right now. Still, he wanted to talk to Creed, so he decided to start the conversation off civilly.
"I did. But that doesn't mean I'm not hungry."
Creed nodded, gave Train a kiss on the cheek, then practically ran over to the fridge to get his beloved something to eat. There were leftovers from dinner, so the swordsman grabbed everything that he could. He came back to his cat, arms full of containers holding various kinds of food, then placed them in front of Train. Creed left again quickly to get his love milk, filling it in the largest mug they had and handing that to his Kitten as well.
Train merely watched as his partner piled food in front of him. He cocked an eyebrow at the amount, not sure what to say when Creed handed him a tall glass of milk as well.
"Creed… I didn't need a feast. A snack would have been okay."
The swordsman smiled happily at his cat, but Train could tell he was trying to hide how hurt he still was. "I just want to make sure you've had enough… I know how hungry you get. And how much you love food."
And maybe if I shower you with it, you'll remember how much I love you and you'll stay…
Creed reached out and caressed his beloved's cheek gingerly, trying to give him as peaceful a smile as possible, but knowing Train saw right through it. "I love you, Train…"
Train sighed again and took a big swig of milk. "I know, Creed…"
Creed felt his heart smash into a million pieces.
He didn't say it back… That's the first time he didn't say it back since we exchanged our love for each other…
Creed forced back the tears he was feeling, hoping his cat still didn't notice how hurt he was, but once more knowing Train most likely saw right through it. This was confirmed when his love made a strangled face, then echoed his statement.
"I love you, too…"
That didn't ease Creed's aching heart, but it did help him show a bit more of a brighter smile. He kissed Train on the forehead, running his fingers through his hair a few times as Train continued drinking his milk. He made sure to keep his eyes on his love, searching his eyes for something that would reassure him that Train wasn't going to leave. His heart broke a little more when he saw the doubt resting plaintively in his eyes.
Creed held back a painful moan and sat on the counter next to his Kitten, still keeping his eyes on Train as his beloved opened a container holding chicken and ate it with his hands. Normally, Creed would fuss and make Train use a plate and silverware, but right now he wanted to let Train do whatever he wanted.
Well, unless what he wants is to leave… I won't let him find that sweeper….
The silence that was shared between them was not comfortable. Creed knew Train wanted to say something and he knew what that something was, but he didn't want to talk about Sven again. To stop the evidentable conversation from happening, Creed decided to bring up his own conversation first.
"Have you been sleeping well, Kitten?" Creed used his pet name for Train, hoping that would reach his heart in the way it normally did.
Train didn't react to Creed's kind tone or use of his pet name and shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, I guess. How about you?"
It was a lie. This last week he had been having the same dream about Saya which ended with Creed killing her, but he didn't want to tell his partner that. The last time he did, Creed nearly had a heart attack, which only made Train all the more doubtful of how he knew Sven or if he even knew Saya.
Creed didn't want to lie to his beloved anymore than he already was, so he told the truth. "Terribly. I miss you."
Train sighed for the thousandth time that evening and took another large bite of chicken. "I'm right here, Creed…"
Creed shook his head. "Physically, yes. Emotionally… I feel like you're so far away…"
Train felt himself get a little angry at that thought, but pushed it aside in order to speak calmly to the swordsman. "That's not true, Creed. I'm right here."
"Not lately…" Creed said, his voice distant as he continued staring at his cat who seemed to refuse to look at him. "Lately… You've been pushing me away… You won't let me in the same bed as you, you won't eat with me, you won't even spend more than a few hours alone with me…"
This time Train allowed a bit of his anger to show in his voice. "And who's fault do you think that is? Every time we're alone, I try to talk to you about how I'm feeling, and you shut it down…"
Creed flinched at the fury he heard in his cat's voice. He could tell Train didn't mean to let it show as much as it had and Creed felt his heart break even more.
"Train…" He reached out again and tucked some of his love's hair behind his ear. "I'm… I'm so sorry…"
Train glared at him from the corner of his eyes. "Are you really? Or are you just saying that so I won't be mad?"
Creed frowned, but did not retreat his hand. He felt like he hadn't been able to touch Train in so long and right now he didn't care if his cat was mad. Creed wanted to feel as much of his love that he could.
"I'm really sorry, my dear…. I love you. I would never want to hurt you…"
Train fought the urge to roll his eyes and took another bite of chicken, choosing to eat instead of responding to that comment. He knew if he did Creed would just hear more of the anger in his voice and this conversation would end before it even began.
Seeing Train wasn't going to answer, Creed tried to change the conversation again. "I-I think we'll be ready to change locations soon. We've been here long enough."
"Does that mean I can leave?"
Creed felt a tear roll down his cheek as his heart continued breaking with each passing second. "...W-where do you want to go, Train?"
Train shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Just to explore the town, really. I'm feeling cooped up. I need to stretch my legs. Metaphorically speaking."
What he said was only half the truth. He really did just want to get out and run around freely for a while, but he wasn't going to let Creed know that place he was seeking freedom in just so happened to coincide with a certain sweeper man.
"Which town, Train? The local one or…" Creed knew in his heart where he wanted to go. While he didn't know where Sven was, he was sure his beloved did.
"Yes, Creed. The local town. Where else?" He didn't bother stopping the spitefulness in his voice. He was getting sick of Creed constantly asking where he wanted to fo.
Creed nodded, his hand now falling to Train's cheek and caressing it lightly. "Why don't we go together? We can make a day of it and make up for all this time we've spent apart…"
"We haven't spent any time apart, Creed. You just think we have."
Creed felt another tear fall down his cheek, Train still completely unaware of his silent sobs. "You know what I mean, Train…"
Train shrugged his shoulders again, leaning back against the counter as he finished the leftover chicken. "Wouldn't it be a bad idea for us to go together? Chronos is still looking for us, aren't they?"
"I-I think if we're together it'll be okay…" Creed offered, delicately.
Train shook his head. "I think if both the leaders of the organization leave for a night on the town would be worse than just one. If we do that, we leave our base unprotected by its two strongest members and we risk getting ambushed by all of Chronos. If we don't come back, the whole organization could fall apart."
Creed was still crying, but he somehow managed to laugh behind the hurt. "You're starting to sound like me, Kitten…"
Train didn't see the humor. "You know it's true. You just don't want me to go alone."
Creed nodded. "That's right. It's too dangerous."
"Then why not send me with one of those many guards you got to start following me around? Or have Shiki send one of his spy bugs to follow me?"
Creed felt himself panic a little. He knew Train was going to notice the guards, but he was hoping he wouldn't notice Shiki's bugs.
Why did you think he wouldn't notice that? Train is the Black Cat, after all. He's probably destroyed every single one of them. That's why Shiki never has anything to tell you.
"I'm sorry, Train…"
"Stop saying you're sorry and just tell me the truth." Train let the sentence slip out of his control before he was ready to start the conversation.
Welp, guess it's now or never then…
Train turned to face his partner, taking Creed's hand that was still touching every inch of his face that it could. The Black Cat made sure his eyes were serious as he stared into Creed's sad blue ones, ignoring the pain in his heart, ignoring the urge to kiss him and strangle him at the same time.
"Creed… We need to talk."
Creed knew what the next words were going to be and took his eyes off his love for the first time that night. "W-what about, Kitten."
Train balled his hands into fists, then took a deep breath to calm himself down so he wouldn't start yelling. "You know what about. Don't play dumb."
Creed still wouldn't look at him and Train noticed he had been crying. He felt a pang of guilt knowing he had hurt his lover and rubbed his forehead in frustration. Train didn't notice as he subconsciously reached out and wiped away another tear that escaped Creed's control, the swordsman jumping slightly at the touch, but immediately grabbing his love's hand and pressing his cheek into it. It felt like Train never touched him anymore, so he wanted the feeling to last for as long as possible.
Which may not be for much longer…
"Creed…" Train said as he watched his partner cuddle desperately into his hand. He wanted to take it away, but found that difficult since he was hurting terribly as well and wanted the contact.
"Creed... How do you know Sven?"
The silver man held on to Train's hand, burying his face in his love's palm to make sure he didn't accidentally look at his beloved. "... I don't."
It was only kind of a lie. Creed didn't actually know who Sven was, just knew he was there when he killed Saya. He actually only learned his name from Train, so this was an easy alternative fact he was able to tell his cat.
Train rolled his eyes and pulled his hand away. "Then why did you tell me not to listen to anything he says?"
"Because he's a sweeper. Sweepers can't be trusted. They only ever look out for themselves."
This was something else that was pretty easy for Creed to say because he absolutely thought it was true. Even before he met and killed Saya, he always thought sweepers were trash that only did something for money. They only cared about themselves and where they're next sweep was going to come from.
"Do you know a lot of sweepers? How can you make such a broad statement about a group of people I've never seen you interact with or even talk about?"
Creed grimaced at Train's statement, knowing it was true. "I don't need to know any sweepers to understand what the job is. They hunt down low grade criminals in order to get paid. They're not actually doing anything of value for society."
Train eyed him curiously. "And we are?"
Creed nodded, still not looking at his beloved. "Yes. Chronos is too powerful to exist and we're trying to end them."
"No. I'm trying to get revenge on Sephiria. I have no other beef with Chronos outside of her."
Creed felt like he was going to cry again, so he turned away from his cat, pulling his legs up so he could sit fully on the large counter in the center of the kitchen. "You should. They tried to control you. They tried to own you…"
Not that I'm any better….
Train shook his head, realizing Creed had somehow managed to change the conversation again. "Stop trying to change the conversation. How do you know Sven?"
"I don't."
Train actually growled this time, not caring if Creed heard his frustration anymore. He hated that he had to repeat himself. "Then why did you tell me not to listen to him?!"
"Because he's just sweeper trash, Train! Why do you care so much?!"
Train was thrown back only slightly from the anger in Creed's voice. "Because he's not. He's a good guy! I owe him…"
Train hadn't forgotten how Sven tried to protect Saya. No matter how many times Train saved that bio-girl he was keeping, the Black Cat knew he would forever be indebted to the man.
Creed didn't think it was possible, but his heart broke even further. "You keep saying that… Why do you owe him, Train…?"
Train ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He hated how Creed always managed to get this question in there. In the past, Train avoided answering it, but seeing as that made him no better than Creed's constant dodging, he decided to finally answer it. Whether his partner was going to be honest with him did matter. He wasn't going to sink to Creed's level.
"Because he tried to protect Saya. He was there that night… beaten to a pulp, knocking on death's door, but even then he tried to protect her. He was there for her when I wasn't…"
Creed felt another sob leave his mouth when Train said that.
So it's true… He does want to see Sven… He wants to see him because he feels like he owes him.
He felt the world beginning to fall around him. His heart had gone numb at Train's statement, but somehow Creed was still able to feel it break even more. There was almost nothing left inside of him as his thoughts began to wander to the worst case scenario he did not want to admit.
"Train… Do you… Do you have feelings for him?"
Train blinked at his partner's back, knowing full well he had started crying. "What?!"
Creed still didn't turn around. "Do you have feelings for him? Is that why you keep asking about him?"
Creed didn't want to say his other thoughts out loud. He didn't want to say he was worried Train had figured out the truth about Saya. And for some reason, the idea of his beloved being in love with someone else hurt more than Train finding out who really killed Saya. Despite the pain, this also felt like a safer topic. As much as it hurt, this was something Creed felt like he could talk about. If it was true that Train loved Sven, he could work with that. Because if he did, Train was still choosing to be with him right now, which meant he still had a chance to win back his Kitten's heart.
If I ask about Saya and tell him the truth, he'll most certainly leave. But, if I talk about his possible feelings for another man, this could just become a conversation between two lovers. Things like this happen in normal relationships, right? Killing your spouse's best friend does not.
Train was only stunned at the statement because Creed had asked it so bluntly. The part of him that still held to hope that his partner was just being jealous desperately wanted to have this conversation instead. It was far better to the alternative one, and he found himself caving into that hope and indulging his lover for just a second.
"No, Creed. I have no feelings for him. You don't need to worry about that."
Seeing Creed calm down, Train felt his heart get a little lighter. However, he shook his head violently, realizing he couldn't avoid the doubts that still haunted his dreams.
You know that's not why he refuses to talk about it. If he thought you had feelings for Sven, he would have asked about that much longer ago. He also wouldn't have told you not to believe anything Sven has to say.
Train decided to voice his doubts out loud and ignore his urges to comfort and hold his partner. "I know that's not why you refuse to talk about him, Creed. You're worried he's going to tell me something. What could he possibly tell me that would make you this upset?"
Creed did not respond verbally or physically. He kept his back to Train, curling even tighter in a ball, burying his face deep into his lithe knees. Train watched as his partner shook from another sob and felt his heart break at the obvious pain the man was in. However, he wasn't going to give into Creed's melodrama and replaced his pity with anger.
He reached out and grabbed Creed's shoulder, turning him around quickly and holding him still. Train shook the silver man slightly, forcing Creed to look him in the eye.
"What does Sven know that you don't want me to?!"
Creed flinched from the pain in his heart, not from the tight grip his love held him in. In fact, even if it was out of rage, Creed craved his beloved's touch so badly that he wasn't going to even try to break free. Feelings the strength of his cat was everything to him, even if it wasn't from love. He needed to have his Kitten's attention, needed to be in his arms so desperately that he didn't care how mad Train was. As long as he was holding him, that's all that mattered.
As he stared into those passionate golden eyes, he felt his body swell with adoration once more. As beaten and broken as his heart was, just a simple glimpse into Train's eyes was enough to erase all the pain. He felt weak and his need to be with Train took complete control of his body as he fell forward, wrapping his arms around his love's neck, crying loudly in his ear.
"Why can't we just drop this, Train?! Why can't we just be happy again?! Why can't you just take me in your arms and tell me you love me?! Like you did four weeks ago?!" He felt his body shake with another violent sob, unable to hold back his pain anymore. "Why can't you just be with me?! Why do you need to know about this man so badly?!"
Train stood there frozen as Creed cried into his shoulder. He wasn't sure what to do. The part of him that wanted to believe Creed didn't know Sven wanted to wrap his arms around his partner and tell him everything was okay and they would go back to normal. That bit of hope he held on to wanted to do everything Creed was asking for and more. Except, that part of him had been shrinking over the last few weeks. With every passing day, Train found it harder and harder to fan that flame of hope and he didn't want to give into his partner so easily.
"Creed…"
Creed shook his head uncontrollably, tightening his hold on his cat as he tried to bury himself even deeper into his love's shoulder.
"I don't understand why you care so much, Train? Why are you living in the past?! Why can't you just move on and be happy with me?! Aren't I enough?!"
Train felt a mix of emotions from that statement. He knew it was true. There was a part of him that was living in the past. The reason he so desperately wanted to know about Creed's relationship to Sven was because he felt like it had to do with Saya. The fact that Creed was subtly referring to her made him angry and he voiced his thoughts out loud.
"Creed… Did you know Saya?"
Creed didn't answer and Train's heart froze.
You see?
"Creed… Did you know Saya…?"
He spoke in a dark tone this time which seemed to be enough to prompt an answer from Creed.
"No."
Creed began to mentally abuse himself from the blatant lie.
So, you're not even going to try and fool yourself into believing you'll tell him the truth one day, are you? You're just going to weep pathetically in his arms, and lie right to his beautiful face.
The swordsman waited for a response from his love. He could feel Train's body completely frozen and felt the need to explain himself further.
"All that I know about her is what you've told me. I didn't know who she was."
Creed tried to convince himself this was true. He was beginning to realize he was wrong about her anyway. That she wasn't a witch. She was just a sweeper girl who befriended Train and Creed got jealous and killed her.
Train was still silent. This was the first time he couldn't tell if his partner was lying to him or not. Even when they were in Chronos, Train was able to tell when Creed lied. However, that simple statement was said with such conviction, the cat wasn't sure what to feel or what to believe. That hopeful side of him wanted to cling to that response and wisk Creed off to their room and forget the whole thing. But, the doubtful side was stronger at this point and he couldn't ignore the voice in his head anymore.
"That's it? That's all you have to say?" Train still did not return Creed's embrace. In fact, he was beginning to feel like pushing the man off him.
Creed pulled away enough to look into his love's eyes. "What else do you want me to say, Train?! I didn't know her!"
Wow, now you're just going to look into his gorgeous eyes and lie again? You're a real piece of trash.
"...Why do you care so much about her, Train?"
Creed knew this was an awful question to ask. He knew this would only end terribly, yet he had no more control of himself. His heart was gone at this point, and he couldn't focus beyond the pain to think about anything he was going to say.
Train growled. "What...?"
Creed couldn't stop his mouth from talking. "Why do you care so much about her, Train? She was no one. Just a sweeper girl you barely knew. She was… She was-"
Creed stopped himself and buried his head back into Train's shoulder, releasing another sob when he felt how rigid his cat was.
Train noticed Creed stopping himself from finishing that statement and clenched his fists tightly. "She was what, Creed? Finish your sentence…"
Creed shook his head and held Train tighter.
Train felt himself shaking with rage now. "Finish it…"
Creed still did not move, refusing to pull away from his cat, but also refusing to acknowledge Train's request.
The Black cat growled loudly and pulled his partner away, holding his wrists tightly so Creed wouldn't launch himself at him again. "FINISH IT!"
Creed flinched when Train yelled, but now felt a rage boiling inside of him as well. A rage he had not felt in so long. A rage that he only had when he was with Chronos, when he didn't have Train's love. A rage that now scared him beyond belief. However, this rage was about his cat. He could never be angry at Train. His beloved could rip his heart out and shoot it until it was nothing more than a bloody mess and Creed still couldn't be mad.
The rage he felt was against a world he couldn't control. It was against Saya, even though he knew she didn't deserve it either. It was against Sven, Chronos and anything or anyone else that prevented him from being with Train. Before he screamed the next words, his brain tried to tell him to stop. Tried to tell him he was being unreasonable and he had no business feeling this way. Everything that happened was his fault and he knew it. But, Creed found himself giving into the rage once more and letting it out on his innocent Kitten.
"SHE WAS JUST SWEEPER TRASH!"
As soon as Creed said that, Train released his hold on his shoulders. The swordsman felt his whole body crumble as Train stared at him through the eyes of the Black Cat. It was brief, but in that moment, Train did not see him as a friend, as a partner, as a lover. Train saw him as prey for the Black Cat. Prey for the Number XII. It was just a moment, but in that moment, Creed knew if he ever told Train what he did to Saya, his beloved would never forgive him.
Without a word, Train turned around and left the kitchen. Creed followed immediately after him, apologizing in every language, every way he could, regretting what he had said.
"I'm so sorry, my love! Je suis désolé, chaton! Faʻamalie, alofa! Sumimasen, ai! Eu sinto Muito!"
Train understood every apology, but did not care. Creed had just crossed the line and almost confirmed something he still wasn't ready to accept.
How could you not accept it after that? He all but confessed! You know what you need to do…
He did. Train knew that he needed to leave. While his heart still didn't want to believe what his brain was telling him, he was beginning to feel sick as truth started to ebb its way in. Train was almost running to his room, desperate to get away from his begging partner. Creed pleaded with him to look at him, to forgive him, but Train didn't care.
I can't believe it… I won't!
Train moved a little faster and shook his arm free of Creed who had managed to catch up and latch on. The Black Cat used his ability to push him off, but not too hard since he didn't want to start a physical altercation with his partner. He didn't want to believe his doubt, but he was finding it harder and harder.
When he finally reached his room, he turned around to face Creed and yelled straight into his mortified face.
"GENUG!" (7)
Creed froze with his hand outstretched to Train, needing to feel his beloved in his arms, knowing this might be the last time he ever saw the man he loved. He couldn't feel anything other than pain. His heart had all but disappeared and he didn't know what to do. All he could do was listen to Train as he spoke.
The Black Cat's voice was venomous as he spoke, as if he wanted to wound Creed with his simple request.
"I want to be alone."
Creed watched as his love closed the door and heard it lock. The swordsman quickly ran over to the room next door, the room that was attached to Train's and leapt towards the door that connected the two together. When he heard his love had locked that too, Creed fell against the door, his body making a loud thumping sound as he slid down the barrier that kept him from his cat.
"Train, please! Please, talk to me!" He pounded his fists on the door, trying to get his cat's attention. "My Kitten, my Love! Train, please!"
When Creed hit the floor, his fists were too weak to keep banging on the door. He fell to the ground feebly, curling into a ball as he leaned against the door, trying to hear what Train was doing. Despite the massive amount of pain he already felt, Creed discovered he was able to feel a new level of hurt when he heard Train let out a loud cry then smash a lamp. Creed put a hand up to the door, trying to comfort his beloved through the thick wood when he heard Train flip the nightstand and knock over the dresser.
"Train…" He said between sobs, pressing his face against the door, clawing at it weakly, trying to feel his love through it. "Train… I'm so sorry."
He heard Train fall violently on the bed, then scream into a pillow. Creed never meant to hurt his cat like this, and he didn't even tell him the truth about Saya. All he did was say something mean about her.
But you know what he's thinking… You know what he's going to do.
Creed sobbed loudly and caressed the door again. "Train…"
He's going to leave. He's going to find Sven and find out the truth.
The swordsman took in a shaky breath, never stopping his caresses against the door, pretending it was his beloved that he touched. "Train…"
This is the beginning of the end for you, Creed… And it's all your fault.
"Train…" He felt nothing now as realization took hold on his body. "Train… I love you…"
He stayed there for the night, not aware when he had cried himself to sleep.
Translations:
French: "You are such a mischievous cat, my love."
French: "And you are so much fun to mess with, my Stallion."
French: "My Cat?"
French: "It's just a fly."
Czeh: "You are so beautiful."
Czeh: "You're not so bad yourself."
German: Enough