Alexandria Gilbert

by JChavz95

Vampires, witches, werewolves and doppelgangers, oh my! All Alexa Gilbert wanted was a quiet life, a free drink and to party the night away with her friends without being nagged by her twin sister Elena, but the arrival of the mysterious Salvatore brothers may just ruin those plans... Starts Season 1, Episode 1, Slowburn Damon/OC, Now on Season 4!

18. Under Control

Disclaimer: I only own my OCs

A/N: I've always loved the name of this episode, even more so with Alexa as she really doesn't have anything under control! I hope I've portrayed her grief effectively and that it is realistic. I've put a poll on my profile for a question that has been bugging me so your thoughts are much appreciated!

XXX

I curled up on the window seat, staring at the empty bed. I didn't like it. It was wrong. So, so wrong. I hadn't slept in my bed since I found him. It was too hard. We had so many memories in that bed and the thought of sleeping there just made me feel ill. Especially since I still imagined that he was there, sometimes.

When I was still awake in the dark, early hours of the morning. I would lie in bed and feel his warm arms wrap around me. His breath would tickle the back of my neck. His legs would entangle with mine. But then I would look. And he wouldn't be there. And I would feel empty again. Every time I tried to sleep there, it happened. So I just gave up.

The nights were the hardest.

During the day I could drink and pretend that he was still there. I could allow myself to imagine, just for a moment, that he was still alive. That I hadn't lost him. The pain that I felt in my heart. It was indescribable. The holes in my life. There were too many to count.

I let out a deep sigh and a tear cascaded down my cheek. With shaking hands, I wiped it away. Even now, eight days later, I still cried. It wasn't as much as I did before. But it just… it was so hard. I couldn't... I needed to escape. I could barely spend time in my room anymore. There were too many memories there.

Luke and I's first kiss. Luke and I's first time together. I had to get out. I slipped off the window seat and, oh so quietly, walked out of my bedroom.

I was wearing one of Luke's old shirts. I was given most of his stuff. Most of Jazz's too. Damon had, oh so kindly, forced Pearl into providing a cover for the Nolan's deaths. The family were found in a crashed car on the outskirts of town. The Council covered up their deaths by saying that it was a car crash but they knew that it was a vampire attack. Fortunately for me, though, I no longer had to hide the pain and misery that I felt. Those first couple of days, before the bodies were found, were so hard. I was able to tell my family what happened and Jenna got me out of school by pretending I was ill. But I wasn't able to mourn properly.

And then there was the funeral and the memorial. The Nolan's were well loved in town so a lot of people turned up. I was lucky that no one expected me to talk. Damon said some words on my behalf, but Jenna had made it perfectly clear that I was in no shape to be speaking. Ric said a few words, having known the family for years. He had been with me when I went to the Nolan house. He helped hide all of their weapons while I stumbled from room to room.

Some distant uncle who Luke had never met had come down from Denver to sort out everything. He was Heather Nolan's cousin on her mum's side. I think. He had heard from someone that I was Luke's girlfriend and Jazz's best friend. He came by the house and told me that I was welcome to any of Luke and Jazz's belongings that I wanted. I was reluctant at first. But Damon, Elena, Jeremy and Aunt Jenna managed to persuade me to keep some of their belongings. For their memory, they said.

I thought that having everything around would make it hurt even more, but I guess that spending most of my time tipsy had dulled that pain somewhat. But I knew that it was only a matter of time before I was caught. Before I was forced to confront the pain.

I padded down the stairs and into the living room. I made my way over to the TV and, after turning the volume down, put on one of the homemade videos that were lying around. It was one of the videos that Jazz had filmed of me and Luke during the early stages of our relationship. Just a few short months ago.

It was one of the few that were made.

This one was when Luke, Jazz and I spent the day in the park. We were bunking from school, surprise surprise, and just spent the day having fun in the park. It was that day that I realised that I loved the stupid idiot. And I never told him. I was too scared too. And now I never could.

There was just so much that I couldn't tell him. Tell either of them. We were making plans for the kickoff party. Jazz had finally told me about her crush on Tyler. And the fact that they had kind of been seeing each other. They had kept it very hush hush. But they really cared for each other.

I curled up on the sofa as I watched my lost love. I watched the way his blonde hair shone in the sunlight. The way his blue eyes sparkled. The way his smile grew extra big when he looked at me. The way that he always had to have some sort of physical contact with me. It hurt even worse since I knew how he had died. Those monsters had turned him into a vampire. He didn't get to die human, how he lived. They took that from him. I didn't know what order the family died in and I didn't want to, but the endless possibilities were enough to keep me awake at night. And if I did manage to fall asleep, then they just filled my nightmares.

Tears welled up in my eyes but I refused to shed them. I had cried enough tears in the past few days. Their deaths had hit harder than my parents, as bad as it was to say. At least then, I had Luke and Jazz to help me through it. They checked in on me while I was in the hospital, waiting for Elena to wake up. They supported us through everything. The number of people I had in my life was declining rapidly.

"I thought that I had heard someone come downstairs," a voice sighed from behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder to see my Aunt Jenna standing there, a sad look on her face.

"Hey Aunt Jenna," I smiled weakly. It hurt. To smile. It hurt to smile. "Sorry for waking you."

Aunt Jenna shook her head, "You didn't wake me."

She walked around the settee and sat next to me. Jenna gently ran her hand through my hair, teasing out any tangles. Self-care hadn't exactly been a priority for me. Of course, I showered and stuff. But I just didn't have the energy to do anything more than that. Jenna or Elena usually made sure to brush my hair for me while checking in on me.

She watched the video with me for a few minutes before asking, "How are you doing?"

"Truthfully? Not well."

My wonderful aunt didn't say anything else; she just curled an arm around my shoulder and pulled me to her side. I pressed myself into her warmth and we watched the video of the love of my life.

XXX

I woke up on the window seat the next morning, a blanket covering me. I knew that Damon frequently checked in on me during the night, even if he didn't stay. It was the way I was covered by a blanket when I woke up or how the window was closed or the empty bottles were gone. I don't know if I would have made it through this without him. He was such a huge help. He held me while I cried. He supported me during the funeral and memorial. He was just there for me.

It was a boring wake up, like I used to have before...

No.

I slowly pulled myself up, shrugging the blanket off and staggered over to the wardrobe. Getting up every morning was hard. Difficult.

I pulled a bottle of whiskey out from the bottom of the wardrobe where it had been hiding beneath a pile of clothes. It was one of Damon's. But I stole it. Don't judge me, he has loads. Probably hasn't even noticed that this one is gone. I took a good swig of the alcohol before placing it safely back in the wardrobe under the clothes.

Getting dressed in some black jeans and a green top, I made myself look vaguely presentable before leaving my room and waltzing into Jeremy's. Jeremy was dealing with his own shit. Vicki's body had been discovered the same night the Nolan's had died. So my sweet baby brother was having to deal with all those old feelings returning to the surface. He was dealing with them a lot better than I expected. Even while I was falling apart, I made sure to check in on my brother at least once a day. The memorial and funeral for Vicki was the day before the Nolan's. And I stood by his side, while Damon stood by mine.

My little brother glanced up from where he was laying down on his bed.

"You alright, Lexa?" he asked me as I walked over to his bed. I collapsed on it and rested my head on my brother's chest.

"No, I'm not alright, I'm the exact opposite of alright," I replied, sighing, playing with a loose thread on my sleeve.

Jeremy wrapped his arm around my shoulders and rested his cheek on the top of my head.

"What is life, Jeremy?" I asked, staring at the Gilbert journal on his desk. "What the hell did we do to cause the people that we love to die? Did we piss someone off? Were we bad people in a previous life? What, Jeremy, what?"

"I don't know, Lexa," my brother sighed as he stroked my hair.

"I can't... I just... I can't deal with this. It's too much. Too damn much."

I shoved myself off of the bed. Anger raged through me at the unfairness of it all. It was the first emotion, other than misery that I had felt in days. And it felt good. Just feeling something other than sadness felt good.

Jeremy quickly stood up and put his hands on my shoulders, "Alexa, calm down."

He was right, I had to calm down. I took a deep breath and relaxed. But I held onto that anger, deep down. I needed to feel something other than sadness. And anger was the next best thing.

"I need coffee," I mumbled, rubbing my face and squinting up at my brother. "You want coffee?"

Jeremy pulled me into a hug, "No Alexa, I don't want coffee."

I happily returned the hug. Human contact helped dull the pain. Only slightly. But it helped. It reminded me that I wasn't alone throughout all of this. That I still had people in my life.

"Right, I had best go get my coffee," I muttered into my brother's shoulder. But I didn't move. Jeremy pulled away and I reluctantly allowed him. The fear that something could happen to him had only grown since the death of my Nolan's. If actual vampire hunters weren't safe, then how safe was my kid brother? So I had made sure to get him as much protection as possible. In addition to his vervain bracelet, I made him drink it too. So if he did get bitten, then at least he could run away while the vampire was incapacitated.

"Go get your coffee, my sweet sister."

I nodded and left the room. Coffee was my life at the moment. It was the only thing that kept going through the day. Well, that and whiskey. But I had to be careful during the day. It was easier to drink at night, I could hide it better. But during the day? Nah, it was too risky. So I just downed coffee by the bucket load. Not only did it help with the fact that I just didn't sleep at night, it was soothing to drink.

I stumbled into the kitchen and accepted the coffee mug that was pushed in my face. Elena looked at me, her expressive doe eyes clearly showed the worry that she felt for me. Even with the Stefan situation, she had been there for me. She felt so guilty for not making sure that I followed her out of the basement. That I was alone when I found them. But my sister had barely left my side. Even when she was at school and I was at home, she checked in with me constantly. She even sent Damon to check in on me when she couldn't.

I rested my head against her shoulder, "Ellie I hurt."

My twin wrapped her arms around me and sighed, "I know you do, Lexa, I just wish that there was something that I could do to help you."

So do I, Ellie, so do I.

While my darling twin bustled around the house in an attempt to get herself, Jeremy and me ready for school, I stared into the murky brown depths of my coffee. Well, I say that, but my sweet twin mostly hassled Jeremy. My twin just directed me over to the dining table and left me with my coffee. It was a bit sweet than I normally took it, but I didn't complain. Elena had got it into her head that sugar was good for me. And she would rather I have sugar more than coffee. I stared into my coffee and longed for a simpler time. For a happier time. For a time where laughter dominated my life, not tears.

Was it wrong that I wished Luke had survived as a vampire? That I wished for the vampire hunter to become a vampire? Because if he was a vampire, then I could be with him forever. I wouldn't lose him so easily.

A hand on my shoulder jolted me from my morose thoughts.

"Time for school," Elena smiled gently down at me. I didn't even bother protesting. What was the point?

Ever since the Nolan's bodies were found, I hadn't been going to school. I had been allowed to have some sympathy leave. But even if they hadn't let me stay off school, I just would have bunked anyway. The thought of being around everyone so soon after losing my heart was just too much. There were only a few people that I could stand being around. Everyone would just be full of empty words and that was even worse. Silence was better. Especially from those I didn't know so well. Of course, people from school dropped by. Dana came to cry with me, dragging Chad along with her. some of Jazz's other friends from the cheer squad came and did memorial shots.

I nodded and slowly stood up. At some point during my musings, I had drained my coffee mug. That was probably for the best, I most likely would have turned it into Irish coffee anyway. Elena passed me my bag and I slowly followed her. It was like all the life, the happiness, the craziness, the Alexa-ness had been drained out of me. The only thing that kept me like what I used to be like was the whiskey that I consumed.

"Come on Jeremy, going to school!" my twin shouted up the stairs at my brother. Huh, seems like I'm not the last one to be ready for school for once. How times have changed. "Walking out the door now!"

"Elena wait!" Aunt Jenna called out, jogging up to us. "You forgot this."

Auntie passed Ellie two thermoses. One for her and one for me.

"Thank you," Elena smiled at our aunt, placing mine in my bag for me.

Auntie Jenna turned to look at me, placing her hand on my cheek, "Look after yourself, Alexa."

"I will," I smiled weakly. I knew that my aunt didn't want me to go back to school so soon. It was weird, she was normally very grumpy if we took time off for any reason other than illness. But I think she sensed that I wasn't truly ready. And it was true. But I just needed to get it over with. If I returned to a normal routine then maybe I could start to properly move on.

"Don't worry, I'll look after her," Elena assured her. This almost made me cry again. Almost. Elena smiled at me one last time before turning around and opening the door.

Guess who was standing behind the door.

Uncle John.

By the looks of it, he was just about to knock when my twin opened the door.

"Elena!" the man smiled happily, glancing between the three of us.

"Uncle John!" Elena exclaimed in surprise before recovering and saying, "Hi."

Uncle John then turned to look at Aunt Jenna, "Jenna."

This greeting was ever so slightly less enthusiastic.

"John, you made it," Aunt Jenna did not sound very happy.

"I said I'll be here before noon," Uncle told her as he walked into the house. The size of the suitcase that followed him insinuated that he was planning on staying for a while. Normally I would be griping to my sister about this. But I just didn't have the energy too.

"Oh what you say and what you do are typically two very different things," Aunt remarked in a casual 'I really don't like you or the fact that you are here' tone.

Uncle John however ignored the comeback and turned his attention onto me. I don't know whether that was a good thing or not. I didn't really want to be the centre of anyone's attention. But on the other hand, one more snark and I wouldn't be surprised if Uncle John and Aunt Jenna started fighting each other. And it would be a fight to the death.

Uncle John put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I am so sorry about the Nolan's."

I couldn't work up the energy to push his hand off. Ever since... that day... I hadn't had enough energy to hate people. Normally, I would be internally cussing and cursing my uncle, but, right now, I was glad that he was here. He was family. I needed family. I needed people.

I rested my hand on his wrist and croaked out, "Thank you, Uncle John."

It wasn't actually the first time that he had offered his condolences. The minute that he had heard about the Nolan's tragic deaths, he had phoned me up to see how I was coping. He had always known about my crush on Luke and someone, (I suspect Jeremy), had told him that Luke and I were going out.

"Heather and Eric were good people, I'm sorry that they're gone."

"Luke and Jazz were better."

Jeremy then chose that moment to walk down the stairs. Oh little brother of mine, you have the most perfect timing, do you not? He saved me from crying, again, and ruining the makeup Ellie had put on me earlier.

"Uncle John, what's up?" was Jeremy's greeting to our uncle.

"Hey!" Uncle smiled at my brother.

Said brother just clapped Uncle John on the shoulder before walking out of the door. While he was the favourite of us three children, Jeremy didn't really care for John. I mean, sure, he talked to him when John visited but he didn't go out of his way to interact with them.

Johnny stared after Jeremy for a moment before turning to look at Aunt Jenna and Elena. I had quietly moved so that I was standing in the doorway. Anything to make a quick exit if Elena wanted us to leave quickly. Which I knew she would soon.

"I had some business in town; I thought that a visit was in order," John explained to us all as he rested the suitcase next to the stairs. Well, that sounded vaguely ominous. Or was it just me who felt that?

"How long are you staying?" Elena asked with fake enthusiasm. Elena really didn't like Uncle John. But then again, I didn't used to like him either. It's only because of what happened that I've started to like him. I was losing so many people that I couldn't afford to push away those I had left.

"I don't know yet," was the reply.

Oh joy. That's gonna make everyone all nice and happy. But at least I could get away with a bit more day drinking.

"Ok, well, Alexa and I are going to go to school," Elena announced. I could hear the glee hidden in her voice. She really wanted to get away from Uncle John.

"I'll see you later," my twin said to our aunt.

"Bye guys," I waved before walking through the door.

As you have probably guessed, Elena was taking me to school. It felt wrong. Jazz should be the one driving me to school. Or, even better, Luke should be the one driving me to school. Tyler should be sitting in the backseat.

Everything was wrong.

The world was wrong.

XXX

The moment that I got to school; I went in search for Tyler. Luckily, I didn't have to search for long. Tyler was waiting for me in the parking lot. He looked at bad as I felt. His skin was pale and there were dark circles beneath his eyes.

The moment I saw him, I flung myself into his arms. If anyone knew what pain I felt at Luke and Jazz's death, it would be him. Luke was my boyfriend and he was Tyler's brother. Jazz was my sister and to Tyler, she was... something more. I don't know if they had put a label on it, but they were something to each other

We had grown up together. The majority, if not all, of our firsts were together. Neither one of us wanted to live a life without them.

I clung on to Ty as Ellie and him did a sort of handover. Elena updated him on how I had been since he last saw me, which was yesterday afternoon. She gave him a one-armed hug before she went in search of Matt.

I had seen Matt a few times, mainly at Vicki's memorial and funeral. We shared condolences for all of the deaths that had occurred. But I didn't get to speak to him as much as I would have liked to. I was not in the right frame of mind to be very supportive. I couldn't even cook for him. Luckily Caroline had taken over that part, sending food to both of us.

"Hey you," I whispered into my older brother's shoulder once Ellie had disappeared.

"Hey back," Tyler sighed into my hair. "I would ask how you've been coping, but I know that you haven't."

I let out a strangled sob, "Hypocrite, you haven't been coping, either."

"I'm not denying it."

Silence.

The silence of two friends who had lost two of the most important people in their lives.

"I just miss them so much."

"I know you do, Alex, I do too."

XXX

Jeremy's POV

Somehow, I had found myself back in the stoner pit. I wasn't smoking anything; I was just sitting there, listening to music. If Alexa was here, the happy Alexa, she probably would have said that I was brooding. And I was, to be fair. But it was hard not to. Vicki's body being recovered had uncovered so many feelings. I don't think I had truly moved on from her death. It was hard, considering I had found out about vampires at the same time. Anna had helped me to move on a bit. Just being able to talk about it with her. I wanted to ask her to turn me, but I knew that I couldn't do that to my family. Maybe, once I was older, I would ask Anna to turn me. But not yet.

The other end of the couch dipped down slightly. Oh joy, company. Just what I need. I looked over to see Tyler Lockwood sitting next to me. Smoking a joint.

Whoa. Did not see that ever happening.

The Lockwood offered the joint to me.

I declined.

I would not get back into that habit. No, I had to be stronger. I had to make sure that I didn't spill the truth. My sisters trusted me not too. And I couldn't do that to them, especially not right now.

"What's your problem?" Tyler asked as he took a hit.

I really didn't want to explain all of my reasons, so I just sighed, "I just don't want any." But I did add the one thing that I knew would get him off my back. "I promised Alexa that I wouldn't."

Tyler was like an older brother to my sister. She cared about him. He cared about her. Their huge fight just after our parent's death hurt Alexa more than she wanted to admit. He had always been around her and then, suddenly, she had to avoid him. My sister even went to the extreme of pretending that they were never that close. But the guilt over their fight ate her apart for months.

A look of shock flashed across his face before he immediately pulled his arm back. I don't think that he will be offering me another joint.

A silence descended between us. But it was a comfortable silence. Ever since he had reconciled with my sister, Tyler had been kinder to me.

"They say she OD'd," my sister's friend announced suddenly, breaking the silence. I immediately knew who he was talking about.

"That's what I don't get, she was doing ok," I frowned, playing along.

"Apparently not," Tyler contradicted with a sigh. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping. It was easy to forget that he lost Vicki too, even if he had been pushing her away before she died. "I just don't understand how she ended up buried in the woods. Most of the potheads she hung around with didn't have the strength to bury her."

I paused, choosing my words carefully. Tyler was a lot more intelligent than most people gave him credit for. He wasn't just a dumb jock. He was things and put them together.

"Maybe there were a few of them?" I suggested, thinking back to all the crime shows I had watched with Alexa. "Or the drugs gave them the strength to do it?"

"Or maybe she saw something and..." Tyler trailed off before sighing. "Hell man, I don't know."

I took the time to closely look at the Lockwood teenager. He looked, to put it simply, like death warmed over. He had lost more than all of us. Vicki, Jazz, Luke; he had suffered. It wasn't fair. Just because he was an asshole at times didn't mean that he deserved to lose so many people.

"How are you coping?" I asked carefully, choosing my words carefully. Tyler looked over at me confused. I didn't want to have to say it, but I guess I had no choice.

"With Luke and Jazz's deaths?" I elaborated. A look of such intense deep pain appeared on his face; it made my heart ache. It was rivalled only by the pain on Alexa's face every time someone mentioned Jazz or Luke's names.

"Hey, man, I'm sorry," I backpedalled rapidly. "I shouldn't have brought them up."

"No, it's alright," the teen sighed, holding up a hand. "I've got to get used to hearing their names." He sighed. "To be honest, I'm not. But I've got to put on a strong face."

You could hear the unshed tears in his voice. I hadn't seen him cry at any of the funerals. A part of me wondered if he had cried at all. I knew that everyone dealt with grief differently but some people tried to avoid it. Tyler had never liked confronting his emotions before. So why would he start now when he had lost so many people?

Tyler took a deep breath before asking, "How is Alexa dealing? I know that she won't tell me the truth and Elena doesn't see all of it."

"Yeah, she wouldn't want you to worry."

And that was so my sister. She would bury everything to stop people from worrying. It was only because she came to me for some weed that I saw more of it. I didn't want to give it to her, but at least I was able to monitor how much she was taking. And hide it from Elena. My sister needed time to grief, even if that meant getting stoned and drunk. Alexa had done that for me last summer. She supported me and watched out for me. It was only fair that I did the same for her.

"Alexa isn't dealing. Full stop. If it wasn't for the fact that she's breathing and moving, you would think that she was lifeless. She's just so quiet. There's no... no... no Alexaness. Everything that made her the girl she was has disappeared. She's broken."

XXX

Alexa's POV

I struggled through the rest of the day. It was hard. Very hard. Maybe it was too early for me to return. I wasn't able to concentrate in many of my lessons. Ironically, it was just history. But I think that was partly because it was Ric. There was no Bonnie or Caroline at school, which didn't help either. So I was alone in a lot of my classes. But I managed. I lasted the entire day at school.

Any free time that I had, time that I would've spent with either Luke or Jazz, I spent in Tyler's arms. Tyler probably had it the worst out of all of us. Not only had he lost Luke and Jazz, he had lost Vicki too. He cared for Vicki, more than he would ever admit.

During lunch, Ric let us sit in the back of his classroom. Ric knew how much the Nolan's deaths had hurt us. He, too, had been close to them. If it wasn't for them, he wouldn't even be in Mystic Falls.

"Do you regret it?" Tyler asked suddenly as we sat in Ric's room. Ric, himself, had gone out for lunch. I suspected that he had gone for a cheeky drink at the Grill.

I looked up at him, confused, from where I was sitting on his lap. Tyler's arms were tightly wrapped around me. He had barely let go of me. I think maybe he was worried that something would happen to me if he did. I didn't mind anyway. It felt good, being held by someone.

"Regret what?" I asked, resting my head back against his strong shoulder.

"Becoming friends with them? Falling in love with Luke?" he elaborated, resting his head against mine. "If you could go back, would you still do it, even though you knew that you would suffer from all of this pain?"

I have to admit, I did consider it for a few minutes. It would be so easy. We wouldn't be dealing with this pain. But I remembered what the saying was. It was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

"No," I finally replied. "I don't regret it. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Knowing them, being friends with them, loving them, loving Luke, I'm a better person because of it. All of our exploits, they made me a more rounded person."

I looked up at the only other living member of the terrible trio.

"You know what I mean, don't you?" my voice trembled ever so slightly. Worry coloured my tone. Losing Luke, it made me realise how important Tyler was too me. And how much I needed him. If I didn't have Tyler, if he had died too, or if we were still hating each other after that stupid fight, then I don't think that I would've coped half as well as I am. I could always have been a lot worse.

"I know what you mean, Alex," Tyler soothed, running his hand through my hair absentmindedly. "Those few months when we weren't talking, I was a bigger dick then than I was before. Luke and Jazz spent most of their time with you and I realised how different I was. Being around them, and you, kept my dick side at bay."

"They were good at making sure that we didn't do anything stupid or hurtful," I agreed with a sigh.

"They were good people."

"The best."

XXX

After school, Elena had Stefan round while Uncle John, Jeremy, Aunt Jenna and I had dinner downstairs. Uncle John had, thoughtfully, order some Chinese for us all to consume. Which was good, because I just didn't have the energy to cook anymore. And it was unfair on Jenna to cook all of the time.

All I could think about was the fact that I wouldn't normally be down here in the awkward family setting. I would have escaped it and went upstairs with my Luke. But Luke wasn't here anymore. And I needed to be around people. I couldn't be alone.

I was curled up in the chair next to Uncle John's at the dining table. Luke's old teddy bear clutched tightly to my chest. It was a medium sized, coral blue bear with a small bow tied around its neck. I had brought it for Luke for his sixteenth birthday. Jazz had always teased him by saying that he had never had a boyish blue teddy. So I conspired with Tyler to buy him one. That teddy had become Mr Ted after I annoyed my love with my Almighty Teddy Bear spiel. But that wasn't why I was clutching onto it as though my life depended upon it.

It smelt like him.

That warm, musky scent of chocolate, the woods and old books. I missed that smell. It was weird what you noticed when you lost someone. For Luke, it was his scent. It was just so soothing and I always felt safe when I smelt it.

Jeremy was sitting across from me while Aunt Jenna bustled around in the kitchen behind me.

Uncle John had kept glancing over at me during dinner. He had never seen me in such a miserable mood before. I had always been the happy go lucky, crazy crunchy nut cluster Alexa around him. It was all he knew.

"I've no interest in the Founder's Day kickoff party," Jeremy scoffed at what Uncle John had just said.

Luke was going to take me to the Founder's Day kickoff Party. He had brought me the loveliest dress to wear. I didn't know if I still wanted to go. It would be so painful but it was one of those things where I felt like I needed to. I needed to do things like that again.

"Sure you do, its tradition," Uncle John rebuked. And we all know how tradition is very extremely important to the Founding Families. God forbid anyone breaks tradition. You know who else places such an emphasis on tradition? Cultists and crazy murderers from films. That's who.

"It will be our role to break the tradition," Aunt Jenna declared from behind me. And I could just tell that she was giving John a look.

I smiled faintly in agreement. Uncle John completely ignored Aunt Jenna's comment. Not surprising, really. I was surprised when I came home from school and found them both alive.

"The Gilberts have been a part of this town for a hundred and fifty years," Uncle John lectured Jeremy and, by extension, me. "We're one of the founding families and with that distinction comes certain obligations including going to the party."

Jeremy shook his head in silent amusement. He had always shared my view on the Founding Families and tradition. We would be the generation to break with that bullshit. Especially a good percentage of us were hiding the existence of vampires in town.

"One day, when you can appreciate the significance, I'll tell you all about your heritage," Uncle John told my brother before glancing over at me. "That goes for you too, Alexa."

I nodded slightly before resting my head on the bear in my arms.

"Hmm, the Gilbert family legacy," Aunt Jenna scoffed from behind me. We all turned to look at her. "I forgot how sacred it was. I'm not a Gilbert so I was never cool enough to hear it."

I frowned at her before looking at Uncle John. He had a very unamused, unimpressed look on his face.

"Why does she hate you?" Jeremy asked Uncle John in a low voice.

"We used to sleep together," the man replied in a loud, casual voice. He fully intended for Aunt Jenna to hear it. It was his stupid way of getting revenge for her previous comment.

I heard a faint growl from behind me before a newspaper went flying over my head and hit Uncle John in the side of the face. Jeremy gaped at Aunt Jenna in surprise while I just shook my head.

"I'm standing right here," the woman practically snarled.

"Oh are you?" John scoffed as he placed the newspaper on the table.

Jenna was quiet behind me and I glanced over my shoulder. She had a considering look on her face before an 'oh fuck it' expression formed.

"Yeah, I am," she countered calmly, walking over to us and taking a seat opposite John. "So you can put your plans to tell the kids about vampires on hold. Because I am not going to let you drag them into your bullshit."

The look on John's face was hilarious, even in the state I was in. I had never seen him look so shocked. He spluttered, looking between us all. Jenna looked smug, Jeremy just rolled his eyes and I was fading back into my blank state.

"How do you know?" Uncle John eventually managed to ask.

Jenna crossed her arms and leant back in her chair, "I was nearly attacked by one. Kind of puts things into perspective. Like how I am not going to let you manipulate these kids into joining your crusade."

"What crusade?" John challenged.

Jenna had a dangerous look in her eye, "The crusade where you train the kids how to kill vampires. Which will put them in danger. It's what Eric and Heather did." Jenna shot me an apologetic look before continuing. "And now their kids are dead. I will not let that happen to mine."

"It's not really your choice," Uncle John shot back, sitting up straight.

"I am their legal guardian," my aunt had never looked so strong and terrifying. "And I will die myself before I let that happen to them."

"It's their heritage!"

"Heritage means nothing if they are dead!" Jenna snapped back before turning to me and Jeremy. "Guys, can you give us the room? I need to explain some things to your uncle and it would probably be best if you weren't here."

Jer and I exchanged looks before nodding. My sweet brother kindly helped me up from the chair and followed me from the room. Jenna closed the door behind her, hoping to muffle some of the noise from the ensuing argument.

XXX

"Alexa, we have to do something about Stefan!" Elena announced, barging into my room before freezing.

I slowly lowered the whiskey bottle from my mouth and looked at my twin. A mixture of shock, anger and disappointment clouded her face. It should have worried me. But it didn't, I was comfortably numb to all of it.

Elena closed the door with a loud snap.

"Alexandria Rebecca Gilbert! What the hell do you think you are doing?!" she hissed at me, making an effort to keep her voice low. I had never heard her sound so angry. Not even when she found out that Jeremy was doing drugs to cope after mom and dad's death. Apparently, this was worse.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I snorted sarcastically and rolled my eyes, the alcohol giving me courage. "I'm drowning my sorrows."

"I can see that," Elena growled through gritted teeth. Her hands curled into fists. Her knuckles tightened across her skin until they were a stark white. I placed the whisky bottle to side and swung my feet round. The window was cool at my back and I tried to focus on the feeling. I couldn't let myself blow up. Even if I wanted to feel something other than sadness. I couldn't take it out on Elena. That would be a shitty move, one that she didn't deserve. But I knew that I was close to falling off that edge. The booze that I had consumed and the feelings that had overwhelmed me made control difficult.

"Then why did you ask?" I knew that I shouldn't be pissing her off, but I just couldn't stop myself. I was chasing a feeling that wasn't sadness. And my idiot self decided that this was the best way to do it.

"Because I didn't want to believe that you would be doing something so stupid!"

I felt a wave of anger rush through me. That was uncalled for. It was stupid. Like at all. Everyone had their different ways of coping with grief. And it this was mine. Yeah, it might not be wisest way of doing it, but it helped me. It was the only thing keeping me sane.

"Stupid?!" I hissed, pushing myself to my feet. "If it's so damn stupid then why is it helping?"

I moved towards her. The anger inside of me made my blood boil. And it felt so good. I was no longer the sad girl that I had become, I was more like the person that I was. Even if that anger was directed at my twin.

Because anger was better than guilt. The Nolan's were killed by the tomb vampires. And the tomb vampires were only out because of me. Because I made the witches lower the seal. I caused the deaths of my boyfriend, best friend and their parents. It was all my fault. And I couldn't tell anyone. Because they would try and convince me otherwise. But I knew the truth. I knew what I had done.

"It's not helping! Alexa! It's just making you think that it is."

"Oh really? Then how come it helped me after mom and dad died!"

That shocked her into silence.

She never knew that.

I had been successful in keeping that a secret from her. It was the one time in her life that she hadn't kept an eye on me. And now I was rubbing it in her face. Like the bitch I was. I never meant for her find out about those months. I knew that I would regret telling her when I had the time to cool down. Because she had enough to deal with. And it wasn't fair. There was nothing that she could do about it now, so there was no point in her finding out.

"It's the only fucking reason why I didn't fall apart after their deaths. And it's the only reason why I'm not falling apart right now."

Elena was silent for a moment, searching for her next words. Eventually, a stern look formed on her face and she ordered, "I forbid you to drink anymore."

"Oh, you forbid me, do you?" I snorted viciously. "Well, guess what? I don't give a flying fuck as to whether you approve or not!"

"Alexa!" my sister sounded so shocked but I just couldn't stop. I wanted someone to hurt as much as I was hurting.

"Just because precious perfect Elena can cope with mind-numbing grief without getting hammered or stoned doesn't mean that everyone else can!"

"Fine! You want to ruin your body? I don't care anymore! Destroy yourself for all I care!"

By this point we were right in each other's faces. I could see the hurt beneath her anger. And I hated it. I felt so bad because I was causing that hurt. But I couldn't stop myself. Whether it was the drink or the built-up emotions, I just couldn't stop the words from pouring out.

"Fine!" I snarled.

"Fine!" Elena snapped before storming from the room.

I staggered back over to the window seat. Oh god, what had I done?

XXX

Elena's POV

I honestly couldn't believe my twin.

She was hurting, I get that. But I couldn't let her self-destruct like that. I regretted what I said, I really did. But I couldn't apologise now, someone needed to drive some sense into her thick skull. And I after the fight we just had, I didn't think that I would be the one to do it.

I had called Damon over. Not only could he help with Stefan, but he could help me deal with Alexa. He had helped her a lot since the Nolan's deaths. More than a lot.

He was the one who held her as she cried when she found the bodies. He was the one who helped her through the denial and then the heart breaking wails of pain. He had been there for her through everything. And I couldn't be more grateful to him for that. He had proved that he could be a good friend to her. especially now. My sister needed help that I couldn't give. And I was willing to turn to Damon Salvatore to get that help.

I sighed and got up from my bed. It was then that I got a text. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at it. It was from Damon.

'At the door. Now.'

I threw my phone on the bed and raced downstairs. I had to stop the rest of my family from opening the door. God knows what would happen. Especially if it was John. The other two wouldn't be so bad, but John? That would be awful. Especially since he was still in a foul mood after his fight with Jenna last night. Jeremy had told me what happened. I had a lot of respect for Jenna, even more so after that. Maybe her finding out about vampires wasn't the worst thing to have happened.

I opened the front door to see the vampire smirking at me. Is that his default expression or something? Because it is like the only expression that I ever see on his face.

"Oh good, you're here," I sighed in relief. Maybe now something could actually happen and I could help the people that I love.

"You ask I come," Damon smirked as he walked in. "I'm easy like that."

I couldn't help but think that he would have been here quicker if Alexa was the one who texted him. It had taken him a good couple of hours to get here. If it had been Alexa, it would have taken minutes.

I shushed him and gesture upstairs. Unfortunately, however, the vampire's eyes landed on Jeremy who was in the kitchen, eating. This wasn't going to be good.

I frowned at him and sharply gestured up the stairs.

"No, Elena, I will not go up to your bedroom with you," he smirked, speaking extra loudly so that he could catch Jeremy's attention.

For godsake Damon, did you have to do that?

I growled under my breath and grabbed Damon's arm. He let me pull him up the stairs, smirking all the way. I knew that it was only Damon being Damon; he wasn't trying to flirt with me.

No, I no longer interested him. Thank god.

I no longer had to worry about coming between Stefan and Damon. I didn't want to turn into Katherine. While the brothers may be slowly repairing their bond, it wouldn't take much to break it again. But this time the shatter would be irreparable. And I didn't want to cause that to happen.

Instead, another had caught his eye.

"Ah, just like I remember," Damon smirked as I ushered into my room.

Alexa's bedroom door had been closed. It wouldn't surprise me if she was still asleep. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Damon glance over at her door before walking into my room. He rarely came in to see me. Most of the time, it was Alexa's room that he went to. Especially recently.

"Stop messing around," I scolded the vampire as I quietly closed my door.

Damon smirked at me before strolling over to my bed and slumping down on it, Mr Cuddles held firmly to his chest.

"Did you know that your uncle has been kicking it with the Founder's Council?" Damon told me, glancing around the room.

"What?" I groaned, leaning back against the door.

"Yep," Damon confirmed, popping the 'p'.

Well, that's just brilliant. What else could go wrong?

"Perfect, we'll just add it to the growing list of how everything is falling apart."

With Stefan suffering from his blood problems, Alexa's alcohol issue and now Uncle John's interference with the Founder's Council, that list was growing longer and longer. At least I didn't have to worry about Jeremy, this time round. He was coping quite well with Vicki's body being discovered.

"What happened right there?" Damon asked, drawing me from my thoughts. I glanced over in the direction that he was looking in to see the lamp that Stefan broke last night. That still scared me. I was so powerless to help him and I hated that. I needed to help him.

"Uh, nothing," I replied, not looking the vampire in the face.

Damon raised an eyebrow and I sighed. I called him here to help me, he couldn't do that if I was hiding stuff from him.

"Look, Damon, I'm worried about Stefan," I revealed, almost reluctantly. "He says that everything's ok but he's clearly struggling. How long is it gonna take before he goes back to normal?"

I wanted my Stefan back. The Stefan that I fell in love with. The one I could safe with. Even if I didn't admit it to anyone, he did scare me like this.

"A few days," the vampire replied with an uncaring shrug. "Give or take."

"It's been a few days," I pointed out. I was beginning to get aggravated. He wasn't taking this seriously and I needed his help to make Stefan better.

"Give then, I don't know," Damon pulled a face. "What's the big deal?"

He's seriously asking that question? Has he not seen how Stefan has been behaving recently? Oh, that's right, he doesn't care. Stefan feeding on human blood would just make him so happy.

"He's not himself, Damon."

The vampire pushed himself off of the bed and sauntered past me, shoving Mr Cuddles into my chest as he walked.

Why did I even bother calling him over here?

"Well, maybe his problem is that he has spent too long not being himself," Damon reasoned as he opened the door and poked around the doorframe. I pulled him away from the door and quickly closed it again. Was he trying to get caught?

"Please don't make me sorry for asking you," I sighed, leaning against the door.

Damon smirked at me before wandering over to my dresser.

"It is what it is, Elena," the vampire said as he took a picture from my mirror. I tried to snatch it off of him, but he held it above my head. It was a picture of me and Alexa. "The Stefan you know was 'good behaviour Stefan', 'reign it in Stefan', 'fight against his nature to an annoying excessive level Stefan', but if you think there isn't another part to this then you have not been paying attention."

The vampire tutted me mockingly as I snatched the picture back from him.

"He's not you, not even close," I snapped, losing my patience.

"Well, he doesn't want to be me," Damon contradicted sharply. "That doesn't mean that deep down that he's not."

As I paused to consider that point, the vampire smirked at me. He was right and I hated it. I didn't want him to be right.

"Now," Damon said, gaining my attention. "I do believe that you said that you also needed help with your dear twin sister."

I sighed; hopefully this subject will get Damon to be serious. He cared for Alexa, even if he would deny it when confronted.

"Alexa has..." I searched for right word and sighed. "Gone off the rails."

Damon nodded, "I take it that you have found out about her little drinking problem."

I gaped at him, "You knew about that!"

The vampire snorted, "Of course I did, whose alcohol do you think she's been drinking recently?"

I glared at the Salvatore for that revelation. He was probably the reason why she was so bad in the first place. Giving her alcohol, what was he thinking?!

"Well, she can't carry on like this," I announced decisively, crossing my arms.

"Why not?" Damon asked innocently. Well, as innocently as he could.

"Because," I snapped, glaring. "She's destroying her body and she's destroying herself. I don't want her to become dependent on alcohol."

"Fine," Damon sighed in mock aggravation. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just talk to her. She'll probably listen to you more than she'll listen to me. Especially right now."

The vampire squinted at me suspiciously, "Why? What happened?"

"We had a fight," I answered reluctantly. Guilt churned my stomach at the thought. I shouldn't have fought with her. I should have listened to her.

What had I done?

XXX

Alexa's POV

When I woke up the next day, I regretted everything. I had never fought with Elena like that before. We had never been that angry with each other. Sure, we had had our arguments, every sibling has. It just wasn't natural for siblings to not fight. But what happened last night, that was not normal. It was vicious and cruel and just not what we did. We didn't argue like that.

I stayed in my room, smoking a joint that Jeremy had given me. I heard the front door open a few times but I didn't leave. I didn't want to leave. I had taken all of my frustration and anger out on my sister; I didn't want to see anyone. The only time I left was to take a quick shower and for toilet breaks.

I ended up napping around lunchtime, I wasn't hungry so eating just wasn't worth it. I curled up on the window seat and covered myself with the blanket. It wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep, but it was my next best option. I still couldn't sleep in my bed. Even on the window seat I had nightmares, but they weren't as bad as when I slept in the bed.

I woke up cradled against a firm chest. It took me a moment to realise that I was back in my bed. But I didn't mind. Glancing up, I saw Damon staring ahead, his hand idly playing with my hair. He was looking at my memory board. I had photos, notes, certificates, everything on there. There was even a couple of photos of me and Damon; taken at the decade dance. A lot of board was filled with my sister and Luke. It was painful, for a variety of reasons. Ever since the Nolan's died, I had been tempted to take it down. But Jenna had persuaded me otherwise. She said that while the memories would be painful now, later, I would appreciate having them up there. And she was right, I had photos of mom and dad up there. They hurt at first but now I loved being able to look at them.

Sighing, I snuggled closer to my friend. While I did wonder why he was here, I didn't mind. Having him around helped. He seemed to know how I was feeling and exactly what I needed. For a supposedly humanityless vampire, he was doing a damn good job of looking after me.

"Morning," I mumbled as Damon tugged the blanket up to cover my shoulder a bit better.

Damon snorted softly, "More like afternoon."

"Eh, what's the difference these days."

Damon didn't reply to that, instead he replied with a casual, "I heard that you had an argument with your sister."

The guilt that I felt churned in my stomach. I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't think about it. I had majorly fucked up. Not only had I taken my anger out on my sister, I was cruel about it. I told her things that she never needed to find out. And I used her ability to cope better with death against her. What I said was unfair and completely out of line.

I remained silent and the vampire sighed, "She wanted me to talk to you about your little alcohol problem."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"That's not what she says."

"When have I ever listened to what Elena has said?"

Damon laughed softly, "You don't listen to what anyone tells you to do!"

"I'm not that bad!" I mumbled petulantly. I did what I was told sometimes. If I agreed with it. It's just that, I didn't agree most of the time. The vampire laughed again so I stuck my tongue out at him.

It was nice.

This banter.

It made me feel alive.

Damon did this for me. He let me forget my grief and guilt, even if it was just for a few minutes. He let me pretend to be normal again. Not just sad girl. And I appreciated it so much. I needed to feel normal. It was the only way that I would move past this grief.

"Are you going to the Founder's Day kickoff party?" I asked, glancing up at Damon.

"Of course I am, I'm one of the original founders, it would be rude for me to not attend," Damon answered, pretending to be all pompous. Well, I say pretending to be pompous, knowing him, he was probably actually being pompous. I knew that he got a kick out of attending these things, especially since a lot of them were used as a front for a Founder's Council meeting. He normally bragged about how he attended the first one, back in the day, so it was only right for him to attend these ones.

"My Uncle John is making me go," I groaned before parroting, "It's my role as a member of one of the founding families to attend the kickoff party. One of my obligations for having the distinction of being founding family member."

I pulled a face at the end of my spiel. To say that I was unimpressed was an understatement. I'd always hated my duty to do important crap as a founding family member. To be completely honest, who actually cared?

Damon's body shook with silent laughter.

"Don't laugh at me," I muttered, poking the annoying vampire in the tummy.

XXX

Getting ready for the party had been... difficult. It had been the first time, ever, that I had gotten ready for a Founder's even without a Nolan. It would be the first time that I would attend a Founder's event without a Nolan. Jenna did what she could. She helped with my makeup and just kept talking, keeping my mind occupied. Damon had stuck around for a while, making sure that I was actually feeling up to attending. Convincing him helped to convince myself. I was ready to attend. I had to attend. I just had to get through this first one and then the rest would be easier.

I think that Tyler had understood that as, the moment that I had arrived at the party; he had rushed out to greet me.

"Hey Alex," he whispered into my hair as he wrapped me up in a hug.

"Hey Ty-Ty," I whispered into his chest, gripping onto him tightly.

Tyler pulled back and looked at me carefully. Thanks to Jenna, I was looking okay for the first time in a while. She even managed to hide the dark circles under my eyes.

"You're wearing his dress," he remarked after a couple minutes of intent studying.

"I couldn't wear anything else," I explained softly. I looked down at the sapphire blue dress that I wore. It was a strapless, sleeveless satin dress that ended a couple of inches above my knees. Beading decorated the main body of the dress. Over it I wore a black lace cardigan. The sleeves covered my hands and the cardigan tied just below my bust.

I wore blue because it was Luke's favourite colour. If he had been with me, it would have been his subtle way of saying that I was his. And his alone. And the black lace had been Jazz's idea. She loved wearing lace and so she brought matching cardigans for the kickoff party for me and her to wear. So I honoured her wish and wore mine.

"You look beautiful little sister," Tyler smiled softly, brushing my bangs from my face. "Luke would have been struck speechless."

"Of course he would have been," I smiled shakily, trying to prove that I was okay.

"Ego, Alex, ego."

"There's nothing wrong with my ego."

Tyler rolled his eyes with a smile, "Come on, my dad wants to talk to you."

The Lockwood teen offered me his arm, which I graciously accepted.

"Let's go and see the Mayor, then."

Y'know, I do believe that I was beginning to heal. Not very fast, but slowly, surely, the cracks in my heart were slowly beginning to heal.

XXX

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Alexa," Mayor Lockwood said to me. He had taken both of my hands in his large ones and gave them a gentle squeeze. Tyler had placed his hand on my back. His silent support helped me to not cry. That would not have helped me to convince people that I was getting better.

"Thank you, Mayor Lockwood, I appreciate your kind words," I smiled at him. And I really did appreciate them. Because I grew up with Tyler, I had known Mayor Lockwood my entire life. He was like an uncle to me. Although, admittedly, I was closer to his brother Mason. Cos the mayor could be a grade a asshole, like a lot of the time. I hated and liked him in equal measure. But he had been around for almost my entire life.

"If you ever need anything, please just let me know, my family will always be there to help you."

"I can honestly say that I wouldn't have made it through this if it wasn't for your son," I told him with a shy smile.

"Good, I'm glad that my son was there for you," the Mayor smiled at me and his son.

"He always has been."

XXX

Glass of whiskey in hand, I slowly made my way through the crowd. Tyler had gone to take Matt and Kelly Donovan to see Mayor Lockwood. His father's orders, of course. He wouldn't have left me voluntarily. But his dad had wanted to get all the condolences done before he had to do all the Council and Bell stuff.

I walked around the Council Hall, trying to find it in myself to enjoy the party. But that was hard. The music was boring. The people were boring. The only good thing about the party was the alcohol.

And... oh look, someone's touching my shoulder. I looked to the side to see Damon smirking at me. He looked good in a suit. Which was something that I should not be thinking.

"Aren't you supposed to be stopping?" he asked, gesturing to the whiskey in my hand.

"I agreed to nothing," I declared with a snort, taking a sip of my whiskey.

Damon laughed that lovely deep, throaty laugh of his and I had to resist the urge to melt. Alcohol lowered inhibitions and it meant that my crush would come out to play. I didn't want to think about the crush. It felt like a betrayal to Luke. But it was still there and it wanted to be acknowledged.

"I'm not surprised, Alexandria," he smirked at me.

"Alexa!" I rolled my eyes before glaring at the vampire. He knew that he was pushing buttons. But I didn't mind too much. It helped me with the whole feeling normal thing.

"Now, it is my own amazing opinion that you have had far too much of that," the vampire told me, a smirk playing around his lips. "So I'm going to confiscate this."

My beautiful whiskey was then plucked from my hand by the ass of a vampire.

"I'll see you later."

And with that, he was gone. Along with my whiskey.

He took my whiskey! Ugh, I'm so gonna put a stake though that gorgeous body of his. Ok, now that I think about it, maybe I have had a bit too much. I don't know whether it was the threat of staking or willingly acknowledging the gorgeous body part that made me realise that.

Damn it, I hate it when Damon was right. It made me sad. Especially when I had had a few. This was not going to end well. Like at all.

"You alright, Alex?" I heard a voice ask from behind me.

I unsteadily turned around, because heels were not a good idea when drunk, and pouted at Ty-Ty, "Damon stole my drink."

"Awww, poor Alexie," Tyler cooed mockingly, taking a sip from his drink.

I gasped, stumbling back into the wall behind me, "You is drunk too."

"Why be miserable and sober when you can be drunk and happy instead?" Tyler grinned, holding out his glass. I stumbled over to him and clumsily patted him on the cheek. The hit was a bit harder than intended but luckily Tyler was drunk enough to not care.

"That's what I've been saying for ages."

"I'm sorry for not listening to you, my dear Alexandria."

We were very lucky that we were in one of the quieter rooms, far away from any responsible adults. We could be drunk and stupid without worry.

"Alexa! My name is Alexa! Why can't people get that right? It's so much easier to say than my stupid full name."

"Awww, is poor little Alexa being called by her proper name?"

"Oh shut up Tyleranthia."

"Tyleranthia?"

"Don't judge me."

"It's far too late for that, my dear Alex."

"You are very mean Lockwood."

"Me? Mean? You offend me, Gilbert."

"You offended me first."

"You called me Tyleranthia."

"Your point?"

Tyler paused, "Would you believe that I don't actually remember what my point is?"

"Why am I not surprised?" I rolled my eyes and lost my balance, falling backwards into the wall.

"Because you know me so well?"

Tyler sighed, "I pity myself so much."

"Hey! That's not very nice!"

"I'm not very nice."

"Yeah, that's true! And I'm a delightful person to be around!"

"You're in denial, little sister."

"I'm not in denial."

"Denial!" Tyler sang, backing away from my hand. I had attempted to smack him, but missed. Epically. So I fell forwards to try again.

"I'm not in denial!" I declared, poking Tyler on the nose. "Oooooh, Rickity Ric Ricky."

Tyler followed my gaze to see Alaric Saltzman walking through the room, clearly looking for someone. And, because I was even more of an idiot than usual, I thought that it would be a good idea to call him over. Even though Ty and I were clearly smashed.

"Ric! Yoo hoo!" I called from where Tyler and I were stood at the side of the room. Ric changed direction and walked over. I watched him move and a thought hit me.

"Hide the bottle!" I hissed at my dear one, accidently whacking his chest as I gestured at the bottle. My idiot Tyler stared at me blankly for a moment before realisation hit him. In the form of my foot. He quickly hid the bottle behind his back as Ric walked up to us.

"Hello sir," Tyler greeted the teacher, casually leaning back against the wall as he began to wobble.

"Hi Mr Ric," I beamed up at him as I was slowly eased back by Tyler.

Rick frowned at me, "Why aren't you sad anymore?"

So tactful, isn't he? But he had a point. Thanks to booze, I was a far cry from the sad girl I had been before. Not that I could give that reason.

"Because, my dear Ric, before I came to this obligation due to my surname being a Founding name, even though it isn't technically my real name cos I'm adopted but that's a whole 'nother can of worms, I drowned my sorrows in sugar. Namely chocolate, soda and every sweet that Jeremy had hidden in the cupboard two doors down from the oven. And there was a lot there. More than I expected so if I don't make it into school next week then it's cos my idiot brother murdered me for eating it all. Lol."

I had actually done this. It just hadn't had that much of an effect. So the alcohol came out to play. But I think the booze was having an interaction with the sugar. Or maybe that was the Jägermeister that I had made.

Ric considered this for a moment before nodding, "Sounds fair enough."

"Of course it does, it's a point that I made," I snorted, hitting Tyler's chest again as I tried to do a bow. And failed.

"Alex, I can see your ridiculously inflated ego grow from all over here," Tyler smirked at me as I nearly fell over. Luckily Ric steadied me and stopped me from faceplanting.

"My ego is not ridiculously inflated!" I protested shrilly. "It's normal sized!"

"You're in denial, little Lexa."

"I'm not in denial!"

"Oh you are so in denial."

"No I'm not! Leave me alone."

"And now you're whining."

"Leave me alone, Lockwood. You are a big big meanie!"

"Meanie? Really?"

"Don't judge me. It's a good insult. I've used it on Damon the Meanie Alcohol Stealer."

"I try hard not to judge you little sister. But you just make it so hard."

"Hey! Hang on a minute."

I took the time to think back over our previous conversation. Oh. My. God. I grabbed Tyler by the shoulders and shook him, nearly sending us both off-balance.

"Think! Tyler! Think! Think! Think! Tyler!"

"Think about what?"

"Haven't we had this argument before?"

"Why yes, I do believe that we have."

I gasped dramatically, "How strange is that? Déjà vu, Tyler! Déjà vu."

Tyler didn't find it strange and I rolled my eyes, "You are such a weird child."

"I'm a weird child? If I'm weird, then what the hell are you?"

"I'm Alexa the Awesome."

"Random, you're random as well."

"I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as Alexa the Awesome."

"Shouldn't that be Alexa the Not So Awesome!"

I gasped. How dare he! He dare he offend me so!

"You monster!" I pouted tearfully, crossing my arms.

"Monster? Don't call me a monster!"

"You said that I wasn't awesome! So you are now a monster!"

"Silence child!"

"Never!"

While my not so dear Tyler and I were arguing, Ric had escaped our insanity. If I was thinking clearly, then I might have realised it sooner. And guessed that he was probably tracking down Jenna or Elena so that they could deal with me.

"Don't make me silence you Alexandria!"

"You can't silence me! Whoa! Wait a minute!" I glanced around and saw that it was just the two of us again. "Where'd Rickity go?"

Tyler and I looked around. And under the table. And behind each other. We were idiots when drunk. And we had drunk a lot more than we normally did.

"He's disappeared."

"Oh lord above! Ric was abducteded!" I stumbled over the long word.

"We must save him!"

"Yeah! We must save him! Hang on a minute, but that requires movement."

"Oh, that's a good point."

"I don't wanna move."

"Neither do I."

"I'm sorry, Ric, but we can't rescue you."

"So sorry Mr Saltzman."

"We shall miss you."

XXX

"T-T-T-T-T-T-T-Tyler, it's empty," I pouted from where I was slumped on the floor. I held the empty bottle upside down, watching as a few drops dripped down onto my bare leg.

"Oh no!" Ty gasped from where he sat opposite me before pausing. "Wait, what's empty?"

"The bottle!" I rolled my eyes and rolled it across the floor to him. We had taken refuge in one of the upstairs hallways, where we couldn't be bothered. Especially since I had caught a glimpse of Elena looking for me through the crowd.

"Noooooo, not the bottle!"

"Tyleranthia, I think my life is ending!" I wailed dramatically as Tyler rolled the bottle back.

"Oh god, it's the end of the world! The apocalypse!"

"Hold me, brother!"

"Come here, sister."

I crawled over to him and we cried into each other's shoulders.

"Wait!" Tyler exclaimed suddenly, pulling back. I pulled back too and fell back onto my ass.

"What?"

"Matt."

"What about him? Oh. My. God. Was he abducteded too?" damn that word was just not my friend tonight.

"No. Or at least, I don't think he was."

Contemplative silence.

Tyler shook his head, "Anyways. Matt has another bottle."

"OH MY GOD! So?"

"So, we can take his bottle."

"Tyleranthia, that is a brilliant plan!"

"Still going with the Tyleranthia?"

"Oh but of course," I snorted.

"You're so strange."

"And you're easily distracted."

"I am?"

"Matt's bottle?"

"Yeah, right, I'll go find Matt and take his alcohol and then we can consume that as well."

"Hell yeah! I'd do that!"

"Why are you so focused right now?"

"Alcohol is at stake."

"That makes sense."

I opened my mouth to speak when Tyler cut me off, "I swear if you say that it is a good point because you made it, I will do something that I will eventually regret."

I pouted and crossed my arms, "Meanie."

"No time for pouting, I have to go and rescue our alcohol."

"Okey dokey cokey."

I beamed up at Tyler and gave him a big hug.

"See you sooooooon Tywer."

"Wish me luck tiny."

"Good luck meanie."

I watched him walk away. Considering that we had just spent the past god knows how long drinking vodka, he was actually rather steady on his feet.

Lucky ass.

XXX

I had soon gotten bored with waiting for Tyler to come back, so I went for a little walkabout. The stairs had been interesting to navigate on my own, but I managed, even if it did take me quite some time.

As you could probably guess, the bar soon caught my attention. Now I knew that I probably shouldn't have any more to drink, but common sense really wasn't happening for me at that moment in time. That's the thing with drunk people, they don't realise that they should stop drinking.

I stumbled up to the bar and smiled at the barkeeper as I accidentally dropped my heels on the bar. Yeah, I had taken those off. It was the only way that I made it down the stairs alive.

"Heeellllloooo there," I put on my best charming smile.

Someone coughed beside me. Dude, get a cough drop. Don't be coughing all over Alexa the Awesome. I looked over at Coughy McCougherson beside me and groaned.

Why?

Why him?

Why that nasty nasty meanie?

"You!" I growled, leaning heavily on the bar and turning to face him.

"Yes?" Damon smirked at me, looking pretty proud of himself.

"Whiskey thief!" I hissed, giving him a glare.

Damon raised an eyebrow, looking very amused.

"Alcohol stealer!" I added, just to drive my point home. Without realising, I had slowly drifted closer to the vampire. When I realised that I was only a couple of inches away from Damon's amused face, my cheeks turned scarlet and I backed away. Although he did have to steady me as I nearly fell over the barstool behind me.

"You're looking very beautiful tonight, Alexa," the Salvatore smirked at me.

I squinted at him, suspicious, "What do you want?"

"Why do you assume that I want something from you?" Damon pouted, innocently, well, as innocently as was possible for Damon.

"Because you are an ass who insults people," I rolled my eyes as Damon got me settled onto a barstool. "You only give compliments when you want something."

"Ok, I want you to talk to your brother," Damon gave in, rolling his eyes. He just couldn't stand up against my amazing logic.

"Wait, Jeremy? Why?" I frowned, trying to think if I had missed anything. What could Jeremy have done to piss of Damon? I mean, the kid was a little shit, but he normally avoided the vampire.

"Because he has somehow encouraged Tyler Lockwood to ask a lot of questions about Vicki Donovan's death."

I snorted, "Loooooooooooool. He gets his big mouth from me. My bad. But I would totally be the wrong person to speak to him. Cos, like, I got a big mouth too. Get Elena to do it. She's Little Miss Perfect, she can show him how to fix his mistake."

As you could probably tell, Elena wasn't exactly my favourite person in the world at that moment in time. And that was only because I felt guilty. But my drunk brain somehow twisted that so I was being petty again.

"I suppose I could get your twin to do it, she would be less likely to blurt the truth out," Damon agreed with me.

I rolled my eyes and pouted at his phrasing, "That only happened once."

"Sure it did," the vampire smirked at me.

I crossed my arms and sulked. Mean vampire. You had to be nice to drunk people. It was the rule. Everyone knew that rule.

A hand on my back startled me out of my sulk. I looked up into Damon's ice blue eyes. They were softer than usual and held my gaze.

"You're cute when you sulk," the vampire smirked at me, his hand stroking my shoulder. My cheeks, which had just started turning back to their normal colour, once again flared up a bright red. Which was like, uber annoying. Why was I such a blusher? Stupid body.

"You're being nice again," I mumbled, glancing away from his beautiful eyes. Oh god, I was getting all embarrassed.

"What's wrong with me being nice?"

"You're scary when you're nice."

Damon frowned, "Isn't that supposed to be the other way round?"

I shook my head emphatically, "The Damon I know is never nice."

"Well, maybe I'm trying to change," Damon said, plucking a beautiful red rose out of the flower pot next to him.

"Don't, I happen to be rather fond of the not nice Damon," I smiled toothily. And it was true; a nice Damon wouldn't be friends with me. A nice Damon wouldn't banter with me. I like my banter with Damon. And he could be sweet when he wanted to be.

The vampire in question ran his hand across my cheek and gently placed the rose behind my ear. I watched with wide eyes as he did so. The hand then slid down my neck and rested on my shoulder. I gently ran my fingertips across the soft surface of the rose and fought the blush that wanted to form. See, how could be incredibly sweet when he wanted to be.

"Thank you," I smiled softly at Damon. Damon smirked at me in reply, but it was a softer smirk than normal. Ice blue eyes quickly glanced behind me before resting their gaze on my own green eyes.

"If you want to avoid your sister and prevent her from finding out about your drunken state, then I suggest that you make a run for it," he said, his head tilted to the side.

I glanced behind me to see Elena making her way through the crowd.

My eyes widened and I gulped. Oh shit.

"Thanks for the heads up," I smiled at the vampire before staggering away from the bar and in the opposite direction of my twin.

XXX

I never actually found Tyler after we separated. I could only assume that he was drinking somewhere with Mattie. Which was rude. As he totally ditched me. But I would just yell at him later over it.

All of the loud music was making my head ache and the euphoria that the alcohol had given was me slowly fading away. I just wanted to find a quiet corner and relax for the rest of the party. But I guess the gods above were too busy caring for Luke to grant my wish.

I don't know how long I was just walking around for. It was quite a long time, judging by the state of my feet. And oh shit, I never grabbed my heels off of the bar. Well, damn. That ain't good.

"Alexa?"

At the sound of my twin's voice, I froze. Took a deep breath. Hid my shaking hands. Turned to face her.

"Elena," I greeted her carefully. I just wanted to apologize to her so bad. It felt wrong. We wouldn't be fighting each other. We should be sticking by each other no matter. That's what twins do. I needed my sister.

There was a moment's silence before "I'm sorry!" "Ellie forgive me!" were blurted out at the same time.

"You go first, Lexa," Elena said softly with a smile.

I took a deep breath and said, "I'm so so sorry for not telling you. About my little alcohol issue. But at first you were so sad about mom and dad. And then you found out about Jeremy and you had so much work dealing with him that I didn't want to give you anymore. I was getting better, I promise. But then... that... happened and everything just fell apart. I didn't mean any of what I said. I promise!"

I was near enough in tears at the end of my little tirade. It had been building since we fought. I hated the thought of my sister being mad at me. Especially over something as stupid as this.

"Forgive me?"

My voice cracked and Elena immediately enveloped me in a hug.

"There's nothing to forgive," my twin whispered in my ear. She pulled back and gently smoothed down my bangs, tucking them to the side. "I should have been more understanding. I should have listened to you and not just jump down your throat."

"Look at us, we right messes," I smiled through my tears, rolling my eyes at how emotional we were.

"You're always a mess, Alexa," Elena laughed at me.

"True, true," I had to concede before looking closely at my twin. "We good?"

"We're good," she reassured me before near enough begging. "Just, no more drinking, alright?"

I considered it for a moment before nodding, "I'll try to give up. For you. But just, bear with me while I do?"

"That's all I can ask for. But if you ever need any help, just let me know. I'll always be here for you, Lexa."

"I know you will, Ellie."

Elena paused before passing me something that she had tucked around the corner, "Damon asked me to give these to you."

I sighed in relief as she gave me my heels. Thank god I had those back! My twin let me put them on before hooking her arm through mine and led me through the building.

"I've just come from talking to Jeremy," Elena revealed to me.

"Oh?"

"Damon had... persuaded me to talk to him about how he had gotten Tyler asking questions about Vicki's death."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"That could be a problem. Especially since Ty could be like a dog with a bone when he wanted to be."

"We haven't heard the last of it, but we have some time to think of something to tell Tyler if he doesn't let it go."

I nodded, "Damon tried to get me to talk to Jeremy about his big mouth."

Ellie laughed, "How did that work out?"

"I told him to ask you instead."

My twin gave me a look of mock anger, "Fiend."

"I had my reasons."

"You always have your reasons."

I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Charming," she smiled, scrunching up her nose.

"As always."

XXX

The sound of fighting drew me outside. I walked out of the door to see my Tyler beating the crap outta Matt. I saw my twin out of the corner of my eye, calling out for help.

What. The actual. Hell?

Tyler, what are you doing?!

Ric shot past me just as Elena cried out, "Somebody help us!"

He pulled Ty off of Matt and pushed him against the wall. Seeing my Ty struggling against Ric's grip, I ran forward and threw myself at him. Stupid move, I know. But I had to calm Tyler down somehow, and that was the only thing that I could think of. I knew that Tyler would never hurt me, accidently or not. We were too close.

One of Tyler's arms automatically wrapped around my waist and I buried my face in the crook of his neck. See? What did I say?

"Calm down, Ty-Ty," I cooed softly, stroking his cheek. "Easy, easy."

I had never seen Tyler act like that. Sure, he had gotten into fights, but he had never been that... vicious... or out of control. It was like he wasn't himself.

Tyler slowly calmed down at the sound of my voice crooning reassurances. His grip on me tightened slightly as the reality of what he had done settled in. That he had just beat the crap out of his best friend.

"I'll take it from here," I heard Mayor Lockwood intervene. I felt Ric move away and another body replace his. I looked up at the Mayor as he placed his hand on my back, "I'll take it from here."

I nodded and reluctantly let go of Tyler, but I did snatch up his hand. He needed me. I wasn't going to abandon him. Never ever.

Lockwood senior gently cupped his son's face and asked, "Are you hurt?"

Tyler shook his head but he seemed pretty dazed. Oh Tyler, what happened?

"Go get cleaned up," the Mayor ordered his son softly. "It's ok."

I think we both knew that this niceness wouldn't last. It was only a matter of time before the Mayor reacted like he normally would. Ty-Ty nodded but didn't move. I needed to get Tyler away from his father for a while. He needed to get back to himself before he could deal with his dad. I wouldn't be his sister if I let him face him like this.

I used my grip on his hand to gently tug him into motion. As he started walking, I moved so that I could wrap my arm around his waist. My brother rested some of his weight on me as I directed him to the restroom.

When we entered the room, I gently sat him down. I needed to mother hen him. It was the only way that I could get rid of the gut churning worry. He had to be alright. Tyler wasn't allowed to be anything other than alright.

I ran a cloth under the cold water and used it to carefully wipe Tyler's face. From the look of it, Matt hadn't managed to get many hits in. Like one, if that. When I got out there, Ty was definitely winning the fight.

"What happened, Ty?" I asked softly as I made sure that he wasn't hurt. I glanced into his dark brown eyes when he didn't answer. There was a closed and pensive look on his face. I had never seen my Ty-Ty look like that before. It just didn't suit him. Whatever had happened had really disturbed him. And I needed to know what happened so that I could help him. He stopped me from falling apart over Luke's death. Now it was my turn for me to help him.

Gently placing my hand on his cheek and resting my forehead on his, I whispered, "You can tell me, Ty, you can tell me anything."

"I don't know what happened," my dear one replied finally, his voice distant, expression confused. "I just lost control. I couldn't stop myself. I had never felt so... angry before."

His eyes stared deep into mine; worry clear in their brown depths. My heart squeezed at the worry in his expression and eyes. Tyler should never look like that. And I would do anything to get the worry out of his expression.

"We'll work it out, together," I assured him. "Siblings to the end, remember?"

"Siblings to the end."

XXX

I slowly walked out of the building, rubbing my tired eyes. My heels were once again in my hand along with my cardigan. I had managed to calm Tyler down. It took a while and I ended up missing the ringing of the boring bell, but it was worth it. I would rather spend my time making sure that my darling Ty was alright than go and see a bell being rang. I didn't even like the stupid bell. But all of that emotional stuff had just completely drained me. My energy was just gone. The happiness that I had gotten from my beautiful alcohol earlier had left.

So, in short, I was emotionally exhausted and sleepy. Great combination.

I looked up to see Damon and Alaric squaring it off against my Uncle John. Oh no. That can't be good. Why? Why did they have to do that? All I wanted to do was sleep.

"Damon?" I called as I slowly walked towards them, wincing as the gravel bit into my bare feet. "Ric? Uncle John?"

"Are you alright, Alexa?" Ric asked as I immediately walked over to Damon. I wanted comfort and for someone to hold me, so my body just sort of directed itself to the person that I trusted the most out of the trio. Which should have been my uncle. But no, it was Damon. Someone who had looked out for me. The rose he had given me was resting in one of my shoes, for me to dry and press it later.

"'M tired," I mumbled as I leant against the vampire. Damon's body shook slightly as he silently laughed. Hey! Don't laugh at me. He placed his hand on my lower back to steady me and give me some additional support.

I buried my face in the vampire's chest and breathed in the unearthly smell of the vampire and his aftershave. Twisting my fingers in the fabric of Damon's jacket, I closed my eyes. I knew that he wouldn't let me fall so I rested my weight against his body and dozed.

The adults were having some sort of intense conversation above my head, but I really didn't care what they were saying. I barely heard any of it, and what I did hear just went in one ear and out of the other. I probably should have been paying more attention to what they were saying, but I just couldn't be bothered. I knew that Damon would tell me the important parts later. So I allowed myself to relax.

"Come on Alexa, let's get you home," my Uncle John's voice said from the side. The sound of my name woke me from my doze. I opened my eyes and gazed sleepily at my uncle. It took a few seconds for the meaning of his words to sink in, but when they did, I nodded. A gentle hand grasped my arm and I reluctantly moved away from the vampire.

I don't know if I was imagining it or not, but it seemed as though Damon was reluctant to let me go as he didn't move his hand from my back until he was forced to. But hey, I was probably imagining it. I was so tired that I had to have been.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Ric," Uncle John smirked at the teacher before he turned and left.

"Night Damon. Night Ric," I yawned as I followed my Uncle. John took my shoes and placed his jacket over my shoulders.

"Good night Alexa," Rick replied as Damon just nodded at me. I could feel their eyes on us as we walked. I was tempted to turn around but Uncle John had a strong grip as he ushered me to his car.

Uncle John helped me into his car before getting in himself and driving off. I sighed and pulled his jacket tighter around me. It was weird, being with Uncle John like this. But it was nice kind of weird.

Silence reigned in the car for a few minutes before my uncle sighed and asked, "Are you alright Alexa?"

I thought about the question. Properly thought about it.

"No," I replied eventually. "I'm not alright. I haven't been alright in a long time now. It's just..." I swallowed down the lump in my throat and blinked back the tears. "I miss them. I miss Luke and Jazz. I miss the Heather and Eric that I grew up with. I miss mom and dad." Slowly, the tears started to fall. "I miss the way mom used to play with my hair when I needed comfort. I miss the way that we used to bake cookies and cakes and stuff when I was off school. I miss my dad. I miss the times when he read to me when I was sick or upset or couldn't sleep. I miss the way he would just hold me in his arms when I was upset. I just want them back. I want them all back."

The dam broke.

Tears fell.

Tears for Heather.

Tears for Eric.

Tears for Jazz.

Tears for Luke.

Tears for mom.

Tears for dad.

I was vaguely aware when Uncle John stopped the car. Strong arms helped me out of the car and into the house. I clung onto my uncle as he supported me. If anyone could understand my pain, it would be him. He lost his brother and sister-in-law. He lost family.

My Uncle John just held me to him, allowing me to cry into his ridiculously overpriced shirt. And in his arms, I felt safe.

I felt like I had a parent again.

XXX

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed! Loved reading the reviews, think we can get to 400 before we reach the end of season 2? xoxo