A/N: Hey, everyone! I'm so sorry I've been a fail at answering reviews this week. I still have to answer some (most) of you.
Thanks and Edward licks to my awesome preaders, Keye, Sandy, and Aleea, for their invaluable feedback and friendship.
I treasure my betas, wmr1601 and Katmom, more than I can say. These ladies are beyond compare. Mwah!
Chapter 16
~ Impetus
The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
My heart breaks more with Isabella's every sob, hiccup, and sniffle. I didn't handle the whole pregnancy possibility very well, and I'm ashamed of myself. I don't know what to do or say to make things right, so I decide to just console her.
"I'm so sorry, sweet one." My fingers tangle in her silky hair, and my lips rest against her temple. "Please forgive me for being so crass."
"It's okay, Edward. You didn't m-mean to hurt me. I didn't realize how s-serious the situation was."
"You thought it would be a regular pregnancy. And why wouldn't you?" I sigh, straining not to hold her too tight in my frustration. "You deserve normalcy, Isabella, with a man that can give you children and a safe, happy life."
"No." She shakes her head, her hair tickling against my neck. "You were made for me, Edward. We belong together."
"Do we? Or did some strange chemical process tell us it was so?" Right now I'm doubting all of this, wondering how fair it is that Isabella has been drawn into my world at all. "None of this is fair to you."
"See, that's where you're wrong." Her head lifts from its place on my chest, and her sad eyes meet mine. "I've never belonged in this world, Edward. Oh, I tried, Mom and Dad did what they could, but it never seemed to work out."
"Why not?" My voice is gentle, but my thoughts are not. I want to right every injustice she's ever been put through, eradicate anyone or anything that's ever made her feel unwelcome in this life.
She sits up on the bed, swiping the back of her hand across her nose. The way her head tilts down, her hair conceals her face from me. I don't like it. I almost move the soft brown curtain out of the way but restrain myself; she might need the privacy right now. The need to know everything about her, to see her clearly in every way, blazes through me always. But I know I need to back off and give her space.
Her hands tangle together in her lap, and she picks at her nails. The silence stretches on for nearly three minutes. With a deep sigh, she starts to speak. "I was diagnosed with leukemia when I was five. I had chemo, and the kids at school . . . they shied away from me. M-my peach fuzz hair freaked them out, and I was too skinny. I couldn't participate in gym class or sports . . . I had to watch out for bruising, you know? At recess, I'd be off to the side, just watching the kids. Not many of them were mean to me, but it . . . hurt to have them reject me, especially at such a young, impressionable age.
"I became shy and repressed. Even after my hair grew back and I went into remission, I was so afraid to trust . . . trust that my friends wouldn't abandon me if I relapsed. Angela is so special to me because she was my only true friend. When I was twelve, she held my hair back while I puked from the treatment. She cut her hair short when I lost mine."
The salt of her tears wafts over to me, but I force myself to remain still. I can sense that she needs this release. Now I better understand Angela's mother-cub instinct when it comes to Isabella, and I'm forever grateful to the shy, dark-haired woman.
"Angela punched Mike Newton square in the face when he made fun of us. He called us dykes, and asked if he could watch sometime." She giggles a little and sniffles. "When the principal heard what happened, he gave Mike detention. He tried to lecture Ang about not using violence to solve a problem, but he had a hard time keeping the smirk off his face."
"Angela sounds like an awesome friend, Isabella. She's still very protective of you."
"Yeah, she is. I'm lucky to have her . . . well, that I had her. Now she's going to think I'm dead." Her tear-stained face swings my way rather suddenly, and she grips my hands. "I don't know if I can do it, Edward—let Angela think I'm gone."
"We have no other choice—at least right now. Maybe later, after all threats have been neutralized, then you can contact her. No promises, though. It really depends how this all goes down." There's no way I'm going to lie to this beautiful soul and promise something I'm not sure I can deliver. My heart knots in my chest at the thought of what she went through.
"I understand, Edward." Her eyes slip closed, a tremor running through her. "Later on, I went into a full remission, and the doctors were very hopeful. I was still standoffish with new people, but I managed to make a few friends. When I was in college, James showed up. He was so persistent, and I was fooled by his arduous attentions. By that time, I'd been in remission for nearly six years and allowed myself to be pulled along by his exuberance.
"I did tell him about my disease, but he brushed it off, saying he loved me no matter what. Of course, back then I had no idea he already knew all about me, had handpicked me specifically. Guess it was the natural politician in him." Isabella laughs humorlessly.
"And the Quileutes? Where do they fit in?"
"Well, since my dad and Uncle Billy were best friends and I didn't have much social interaction with the kids in town, we spent a lot of time on the Res when I was growing up. Jacob never looked at me differently. Sure, he asked where my hair went or asked me questions about my condition, as kids will do, but he never shied away. Really, all of the Quileutes were supportive, and for a long time, they were like family. Aunt S-Sue . . . who I now know is my birth mother . . . was always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I felt so close to her, and now I understand why."
"What changed? Why haven't you seen them for such a long time?"
"Jacob hated James on sight and was antagonistic toward him. Going to college left me little time to visit the Res, and with the strain between them, Jacob wasn't welcome at James' home. After b-both my parents were gone . . . it was just too painful for me. So I clung to James and neglected my extended family. At first I called, but even that grew infrequent until it finally stopped. Once James showed his hand, I wanted to avoid them just as much as he wanted me to—I didn't want anyone I cared about getting caught in the crossfire."
"I'm so sorry, Isabella. I would give anything to take that pain away from you."
She moved to straddle my thighs, cupping my face between her palms. "But don't you see, Edward? You do. Being yours helps ease the pain inside me."
"Truly?"
"Truly. You're the sun in my sky. You're my heart, Edward."
Her words warm me. I'm so happy to know there's someone in the world who's been positively impacted by my existence.
"As you are mine, sweet one."
My hands grip her hips, and I nudge my nose against hers. Our lips meet and move against each other slowly. When it becomes intense, Isabella allows her head to fall back, leaving her neck exposed. I take advantage, licking my way over her dainty Adam's apple.
"Knocka, knocka!" Emmett's loud booming voice echoes across the cottage as he bounds through the front door.
"It's just Emmett," I murmur against her lips, and I can feel hers turn up in an answering smile. At least she's not upset.
Emmett appears in the doorway of the bedroom with one hand over his eyes. "Hey, lovebirds! You guys decent?"
"Hello, Emmett." Isabella giggles.
"Izzy-B! How's my girl today?"
"I'm doing okay." She cranes her neck back to get a look at Emmett, who still has his hand over his eyes. "You can look now."
He takes his hand away, and his big goofy grin widens. "I'm just here to deliver this." Emmett tosses a box my way, knowing I'll be able to catch it in mid-air.
"Condoms?" I raise my eyebrows.
"Papa C said you'd be needing 'em. Got you the super party pack!" Emmett wiggles his eyebrows. "At least one of every color and flavor."
"Flavors?" Isabella's tone is incredulous, but she doesn't seem to be insulted.
"Different strokes for different folks! Pardon the pun."
"Emmett, really?" I glare at him.
"Sorry, bro."
"No, no, it's okay!" Isabella protests, turning back to face me. "I like Emmett's sense of humor. He's like a breath of fresh air."
"If you're sure."
"I am," she reassures.
"See? Izzy-B adores me already!" Emmett laughs, smiling proudly. "Well, I just wanted to drop off your party-in-a-box and let you know that Rosie and I are headed out to Colorado."
"Colorado? It's time then?" Isabella looks into my eyes sadly, and I know she's thinking of Angela.
"Yup! I get to try my hand at planting evidence and committing arson. Sounds like a Law and Order episode, don't it?"
She smiles indulgently. "Thanks, Emmett. And please tell Rose thank you for me as well."
"Will do, and you're very welcome. Demetri's meeting us there, by the way. A few days after we burn the cabin down, he'll 'find' the evidence and report it to the authorities and the lousy senator. That way, it keeps us completely out of things. Hunter is staying at a villa in Spain, by the way. Yeah, he's real broken up about things." Emmett snorts rudely.
"Good." I nod thoughtfully. "I don't think Demetri will give us a problem—not after he saw the wolves and got a load of what Isabella's blood can do. He understands better than anyone what a shit-storm it will cause if the Volturi find out about all this before we have a solution."
"Oh, man, he's scared to death!" Emmett guffawed. "Whatever happened when you two were alone definitely left him shaky. I don't think he'll be a problem."
"Thank you, Emmett . . . for everything. Rose, too."
"We're family, Eddie! It don't matter how long you've been away—you'll always be my brother." He steps forward and bumps fists with me.
And then he's gone, bounding out of the cottage, excited to be off on a new adventure. That's how Emmett looks at life—as an adventure to be had. He's not jaded like the rest of us; he retains a childlike innocence that can be both refreshing and irritating in equal measure. Today I find it endearing, and I swallow hard around the lump in my throat.
I look up, and Isabella is regarding me with her head tilted to the side.
"What?"
"You're a complex man, Edward Masen."
"Am I? How so?" I try to play casual, but it feels like she can see through me as easily as a pane of glass.
"You claim to be a lone creature, you're certainly bad-ass, but in here . . ." she taps my chest lightly ". . . lives a tender heart. You stand by your principals—and you should—but deep down you love and miss your family."
I grasp her hand, pulling it to my lips to kiss it. My eyes slip closed, and I consider lying to her for a split second, but then I think, Why? Why lie to my beautiful mate who understands me so completely?
"You see right through me, sweet one. Sometimes it's disconcerting how on target your instincts are." I open my eyes and pull her in close, our lips nearly touching, my voice lowering to a near-whisper. "I long to know what you'll be like as an immortal—magnificent and gifted, just as you are while human."
Her arms wrap around my neck and my hands snake around to cup her ass, moving her over my growing erection. With a soft moan, she presses her lips to mine, and our mouths move together with growing intensity. All the while, she grinds on my cock, the thin cotton of her shorts and panties a barely adequate barrier.
My hands leave her ass to slip underneath her top, stroking up her sides to caress her prominent ribcage before sliding over to grab two handfuls of delectable breast. For a petite girl, she sure is stacked nicely—not that it would make a bit of difference to me if she wasn't, but I sure do enjoy the heft of them in my palms.
"Edward, I want you." She nips at my lip and pushes her breasts farther into my hands.
I flip our positions, pressing her into the mattress, and I slide her panties and shorts off. My lips move against hers hungrily, and her tongue matches mine stroke for stroke, revealing her own hunger. She grips the sheets in her fists, arching her chest up toward me.
"Please . . . now." She's breathless, and I don't need to be told more than once.
I reach for the box of condoms, never breaking the kiss, and snag a foil square. Tearing it open, I roll it on hastily, the scent of strawberries, latex, and lubricant surrounding us. Isabella wrinkles her nose and giggles.
"Ridiculous. Who ever thought of . . ." our lips meet over and over, my words coming out as more of groan ". . . flavored and scented condoms?"
"Who cares as long as you can be inside me?" she whispers.
Point taken.
Her legs spread around my hips, and I slip a hand down to cup her sex. My fingers find her slick and ready, and my cock grows harder, the red latex stretching to accommodate me.
And I fill her.
Over and over again, I fill her, feeling her tight, hot warmth wrap around me. The condom is a minor annoyance; I can still feel the heat of her plush walls, feel the gentle flutter of her inner muscles readying themselves for release. She's not going to last long, and I need her just as much as she needs me.
I'm not as gentle as I was last night, my need to lay claim to her raw and primal. She doesn't seem to mind or even notice: her eyes are closed tight, head tilted back, back arched, fingers clutching convulsively at the sheets, legs coming up to wrap around my waist as I continue to pump into her. Sweet little gasping noises push between her lips.
I lose myself in her, forgetting our dire situation, forgetting everything with the exception of our bodies joined together as one. A beautiful blush spreads under the translucent skin of her breasts, neck, and the apples of her cheeks. Her lips are ripe berries, swollen from my kisses. I'm barely able to hold out until her cries of pleasure fill the room, and then I let go.
~*RK*~
"Edward! Isabella!"
Uncharacteristically, Alice rushes through the front door of the cottage without knocking. Thankfully, my romp in bed with Isabella is over, and she's trying to kick my ass at chess again—and doing a fair job at it.
"In the sun room, Alice."
Isabella's fingers rest lightly on her bishop, the cute little V she gets between her brows when something confounds her in evidence. Although I dislike it when something perturbs her, I find it adorable right now because it's just over a chess move. When she hears me answer Alice, her brow smooths, and she glances up at me with a slight smile.
"It amazes me that you guys can hear each other across the house. It must kind of suck, though . . . with a bunch of couples under one roof, huh?" She wiggles her eyebrows and I laugh.
"You have no idea . . . especially since I didn't have a mate when I lived with my family. Ugh."
"Oh, stop, you!" Alice bounds into the room, her exuberance hard to miss.
"Something good's happened," I inform Isabella.
"Yeah?"
"I can tell by Alice's Energizer Bunny routine and the fact that she's trying extra hard to keep me out of her head by reciting the Bible in Aramaic."
Isabella's eyes grow wide, and she turns to face Alice. "You speak Aramaic?"
Alice giggles. "And a host of other languages."
My eyes cut to my beautiful mate's wonder-struck face. "I say Alice comes bearing good news and you focus on the fact she speaks Aramaic?"
"Sorry. You all keep blindsiding me with your mad skills in . . . everything." She laughs. "Alice, what's the news?"
"I think I found Hannah."
Dead silence. The smile slips from Isabella's face. Her hand moves to cover her abdomen, and even without reading her mind, I know she's thinking of the baby that may be taking root inside her at this very moment.
"Where is she?" Isabella's voice is a choked whisper, and her heartbeats are fast and unsteady.
I watch her carefully, concerned by the way she seems to be withdrawing even as she asks for the information. Moving around the table, I grab her hand, pulling her over to the loveseat. I sit beside her with my arms wrapped around her. "It's going to be okay. Whatever happens, I'll be beside you all the way."
"I—I know. It's just . . . I've had to learn to tamp down the hope in order to function. And now there's so much up in the air. About Hannah, about our possible baby."
"Wait, what?" Alice glances between the two of us.
"You didn't see this, Alice?"
"No. Then again, Isabella is half Quileute. That could explain why I saw her but not with the detail I usually do." Her eyes glaze over slightly, and then she shakes her head. "I don't see your futures clearly. So . . . you might be pregnant? How is that possible?"
I quickly explain about being immune to Isabella's blood and what that could potentially mean.
"Well, you weren't immune to her blood the first time. I'm going to hazard a guess it has to do with Hannah's blood. That was the cure, right?"
"Yes!" Isabella grows excited. "Hannah's blood is the cure, so maybe it also provides some kind of immunity. But will it last?"
"That's a good question," I muse.
"Tell me about Hannah?" Isabella's voice is soft and tentative—childlike—and she grips my hand tightly.
"I found a Harry and Margaret Donovan living in a suburb outside of Seattle. Apparently, they both retired young. They're squeaky clean and above reproach, from what I can find. I doubt they have any idea why they really have custody of Hannah."
"Thank God they're good people." Isabella slumps against me like a rag doll. "What now?"
"Now Jasper and I will go do a little reconnaissance and see what we can find out. We're planning to leave tonight, if that's okay with you."
"What about me?"
"I think it's best if you stay here and keep healing. I promise to keep you informed. We also need to think about where Hannah should stay when we bring her home."
Isabella starts to shake, and I pull her tighter against me. Her arms reach up around my neck, and she hides her head, whispers of, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God," warm against my chest. I hold her and stroke her back until she can breathe freely again.
"It's okay. It's going to be okay," I whisper to her.
"What kind of mother could I be to her? I'm falling apart at the seams!"
"We'll do whatever is necessary. You'll have help."
"What kind of environment is all this for a young child, Edward? What if those demons come here?"
That was a possibility I couldn't deny. I looked at Alice over Isabella's bent head, hoping she'd have some inspiration. Hannah staying at our house would put everyone at a disadvantage.
"What do you want me to do, Isabella? It's not advisable to leave her with the Donovans. As nice as they are, what happens if James decides he wants to remove her from their care?"
She's quiet for a moment, and Alice shrugs her shoulders. I'm not coming up with a good solution, either. We can't hire a nanny because the chance of exposure would be too great.
"I know." Isabella suddenly seems calm and sure. "What if she stayed on the Reservation? We could ask Sue . . . my m-mother. I'm sure she wants to get to know her grandchild. Hannah will be close by, protected, and James wouldn't think to look for her there."
"That could work." I nod slowly, thinking it through. "Alice?"
Alice bites her lip, a faraway look in her eyes. "Well, I can't see anything that goes on over there, but I can't think of a better plan. They consider Isabella family, and I'm sure they'd protect Hannah with their lives if it came down to it."
"We'd have to work out some kind of visitation, though. I don't think I could let you go onto the Res without me, and they would never allow one of us on their land." Panic seizes me at the thought of Isabella disappearing off our radar for any length of time. A sharp ache tugs at my chest even as guilt floods through me for saddling Isabella with yet another concern.
She turns her lovely face up to mine and presses her warm hands against my cheeks. "I'm sure we can come to an arrangement. Uncle Billy will support us, and I just know that Sue will. I'd like to see her. I don't even know what I feel yet about her being my biological mother."
"I think that's only natural. You've been through more than anyone should have to deal with, my love."
Alice touches Isabella's shoulder. "I'm going to get packed. I'll have my cell with me if you need me. Try not to worry too much, okay?"
"Thank you, Alice. And Jasper, too." It's hard to miss the fact that Isabella seems glad Jasper won't be around.
After Alice leaves, we snuggle on the loveseat for a while in silence, just rocking slowly. Isabella holds me together, soothes me, like no one ever has. I only pray that I can give her all that she needs before her time runs out.
~*RK*~
A/N: Who wants to share a party-in-a-box with Edward? *Raises hand* What do you think Edward's favorite flavor or scent is? Some more backstory on Isabella, more SEX, and news about little Hannah. We're getting closer . . . Thoughts?
You guys didn't string me up (too bad) over the potential pregnancy. Is she or isn't she? I'm not saying.
See you next Tuesday!
Just a note for readers of my other stories. RK chapters have been written well in advance, which is why I can update frequently. I'm currently in the home stretch with my novel. I apologize, but until June rolls around, updates will continue to be slow. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and I adore all of you for your patience and support. IWIPB is the next story to be updated.
My entries from the FWAR Poetry Contest will be posted on my blog by tomorrow if you're interested in reading.
Follow me on Twitter: (at)SaritaDreaming or (at)SarahAisling
Facebook: SarahAislingAuthor
Blog: SaritaDreaming (dot) wordpress (dot)com