A/N: Welcome to the Masen-Cullen smackdown! Enjoy. Some answers you guys have been bugging me for are in this chapter.

A chance to pummel Jasper to my lovely prereaders, Keye, Sandy, and Aleea. Much thanks for all their feedback and encouragement.

A chance to comfort Edward after battle to my awesome betas, wmr1601 and Katmom, who wield their sparkly reds for me. And a hearty welcome to Sue (chayasara) who has braved betaing for this very demanding and spoiled author.

Chapter 23

~Yaw, Pitch, and Roll~

When anger rises, think of the consequences ~ Confucius

Jasper fights dirty. He gorges on his poison tipped emotions and pumps them into me rapid fire. In order to protect my mind from the vile images in his, I must shield myself from his thoughts—which means I have no idea where he plans to strike next. I'm fighting blind with a trained soldier—one that despises me.

We roll over and over, slamming into a tree which topples and takes two more down with it. Jasper's fist smashes into my face, and I feel my skin crack apart. It begins to heal almost as fast as it opens, but he's already pummeling the other side of my face and grabbing for my neck.

I slip out from under him, lashing out with an elbow as I go, and there's a crunch as his jaw shatters. Ten seconds later, it's whole again. We continue on this way, punishing each other for every ugly thought, word, or deed over the years.

It doesn't matter that I can't read his mind; white hot anger blows through me whenever I remember his thoughts of drinking Hannah's blood, of suckling on her still-pumping heart. I don't give a shit if he hates himself for it, and I don't care how Maria tempted him in the past.

He gets out from under me and slams his foot square in the middle of my chest, crushing my sternum. I gag for a moment before it heals.

"Fuck you." He lets out a feral snarl, snapping his teeth close to my face. "And you stay out of this!" he bellows up at the treetops where Alice must be perched.

I haven't been able to hear or sense her because I'm too wrapped up in my anger, Jasper's emotions, and my struggle to match him blow for blow.

When he's distracted for the second he looks up to yell at her, I move in on him. Grabbing his wrist, I spin around behind him, taking his arm with me at an impossible angle. A loud crack accompanies the rending of his arm as it separates at the shoulder. With a vicious snarl, I give it one final jerk, and it severs completely. Jasper screams in pain, and his flannel shirt is wet with venom leaking from his empty arm socket. I toss the arm up in the trees where I think Alice is before slamming Jasper to the ground.

"I'll still take you, Edward—even with one arm!" He struggles madly beneath me.

I pin him with a knee on his chest, but one arm or not, I'm not foolish enough to think I can hold him down for long. I just need a moment to let him know what the deal is. I'd rather not have to kill him, but I will if I have to.

"Jasper, I don't know what your big problem is with me. I don't really give a damn, either. I just need to make sure you know I will do anything for Isabella and Hannah. That includes using you as tinder for a bonfire. If you pose a threat to Hannah or Isabella in any way, I will end you."

Our eyes meet, black on black, our stare going on for over a minute. He needs to know I mean this. I know it would tear apart my family if I took him from Alice, but Jasper has been an unknown quotient for a long time. When I had no mate to worry over, no Hannah, I let it be. Now I'm scared of what his instability might bring down upon us.

"I will do anything to protect that child, Jasper, to protect my mate. If you're a threat, you must be eliminated."

Alice wails from the treetop, and I hear her feet hit the ground a second later. Instead of coming toward us, she runs in the other direction. She's sensed Carlisle and Rose heading our way and has decided to stop them. In her mind, things are still unsure, but she's convinced Jasper and I need to have this out.

Finally, Jasper closes his eyes, most of the fight draining from his body. "I know."

"What will it be?" I ask coldly. I'm fully prepared to do what needs to be done.

"I wouldn't . . ." Jasper shakes his head, and his intense shame rolls over me.

"I saw it in your mind, felt your hunger . . . the way you coveted her heart." The growl low in my throat is not meant to intimidate him; I have no control over it or over the urge to tear his head off that begins to fill me.

A strangled sound, that is half sob and half scream, lodges in Jasper's throat. His eyes open, and the intensity of his stare silences me. I wait for his response, unwilling to back down even a little. Jasper swallows back a mouthful of venom, and I fight not to see the images that stimulated its production. I'm hanging by a thread, so close to snapping his neck so I can be done with this.

"Edward." Jasper sounds like a desperate and thirsty man out in the desert. The gold and black of his irises are in a power struggle, morphing, flowing, changing rapidly. "I won't touch her. I drove all the way here in that close space with her. I could have had her any time on the trip here."

I can't contain another growl, but I force myself to remain still. "Go on."

"What Maria did to me was . . . unimaginable. It was a power play—she wanted to completely break me so I would follow her anywhere. She surprised me that night, ripped open the child's jugular. I was repulsed, but when the spray hit my lips . . . Edward, I couldn't stop. And then Maria cracked the girl's chest open and tore the still-beating heart from her body and raised it to my lips. The sweetest blood is there . . ." His eyes look haunted. "It's decadent and full-bodied, like the finest wine."

"Shut up!" I yell in his face. "Just . . . stop." I rub a hand over my face, trying to shake off the images. I can almost taste the blood of that little girl—hell, I've tasted Hannah's blood. I know how sweet it is.

"I wouldn't." Jasper's voice is stronger, insistent.

"Why not?"

"Because that little girl still haunts me all these years later. The taste was indescribable—but at what cost? My soul? My sanity?"

I sit back on my heels, slackening my hold on Jasper. At this point, even one-armed, he could overthrow me. I can feel his bone weary fatigue, how he suffers and struggles with his past. I've done some shitty things, made mistakes when I was learning control, but the few indiscretions couldn't possibly stack up against the sheer number of innocents Jasper has slaughtered. I know he's trying to rein in his guilt right now because once, twenty years ago, he unleashed the full weight of it on me. I nearly went mad and spent a month wandering the mountains because I was afraid I'd drink anyone who crossed my path—such was the extent of the thirst that was thrust upon me.

"Let's get that arm reattached." I extend my hand, helping him up.

I fetch his arm out of the tree, and when I return, Jasper is already shirtless. Once again, I'm treated to the sight of the pale crescents that crowd his torso. And now he'll have yet one more scar across the top of his left shoulder where I ripped his arm off.

We start the process of reattaching his arm. In about an hour, it should be completely healed with the exception of the venom scars; there's nothing to be done about those. Jasper pulls his shirt back on and sits against the base of a tree with a grimace. I join him there, and we sit in silence for a while.

"I'm sorry about your arm," I offer.

"What the fuck?" He waves a hand in the air. "I've got so many scars—what's one more?"

"Why do you despise me so much?" I have to know, have to ask at this moment when we could almost be real brothers—or at least friends—hanging out under a tree.

He's silent for a while before he answers. "I don't, Edward. I despise myself mostly."

"Why?"

"Because I allowed Maria to fool me, to use me. Because I lack the control that you have. I could never drink from a human and leave them alive, let alone do it without them realizing it. And Carlisle—he'd never say it, but I felt his emotions, saw it in his eyes: Why can't you be more like Edward?"

I shake my head with a short laugh. "No. Why would he want you to be like me? He definitely doesn't approve of my lifestyle."

"Carlisle can't help who he is or what he believes. Whatever he might say to the contrary, he admires your control, and you're the benchmark he compares everyone to. I could never measure up, and that's why I always baited you. I just wanted to prove that you weren't so damn perfect."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. If it was anyone but Jasper, I'd dismiss it immediately. Could there be some truth to what he's saying? I've heard humans claim that often difficult father-son relations are fueled by the father's unrealistic expectations of the son, his desire for his child to be more than he is. Is this the piece I'm missing with Carlisle? Does he look at me as his true son and hold others against me when deciding how they measure up?

"And then there's Alice . . ." Jasper laughs bitterly.

"Alice? What does she have to do with any of this?"

He shoots me a dark look before looking up to the sky. "Alice also favors you."

"There's never been anything romantic between us, Jas."

"I know." He holds up a hand. "Alice compares me to you, too. She'd never say it, of course, but she wishes I had your control. She worries all the time that I'll lose it. What she doesn't realize is her lack of faith in me is devastating. And even though she doesn't approve of your eating habits, she's still so willing to support you."

"And she doesn't support you?"

"Of course she does, but it's different. With me, it's like I'm the alcoholic his wife watches all the time, expecting him to slam back a drink any moment. She doesn't believe I can do this, thinks it's only a matter of time before I fuck up. It's a shadow that hangs over us all the time—you just happened to add a little acid to the mix when you came back."

"Shit, I'm sorry."

"Edward, I've never hated you. I wanted to be you, for so many reasons. To have your control, to have Alice's faith and support . . . to have Carlisle's."

All the anger I've felt toward Jasper deflates. Imagine suspecting your mate and mentor don't believe in you. I try to picture how I would feel if Isabella didn't fully support me, and a hollow feeling opens in my chest—just at the very thought. How much worse is it for Jasper?

"I don't even know what to say."

"What's to say, bro? I'm sorry if my anger gets the best of me sometimes. It's a defense mechanism." He shrugs his shoulders, looking off in the distance.

"You need to talk to Ali about this. I can sense the rift between you two, and it's bigger than ever. I thought . . . when I left things would get better."

"You? What have you got to do with her lack of faith in me?"

"You were so hostile to her, Jas. It seemed related to me. In fact, it was one of the issues that precipitated me leaving the family—I wanted the two of you to work things out. It's why I didn't visit and rarely called."

Jasper's head swings my way, and his eyes are wide and surprised. "You did that for us?"

"I mean, I was leaving anyway—because Carlisle demanded I follow his lifestyle—but I would have kept in closer touch. Ali's your mate, and I was alone . . . so I figured mates should take precedence over a lone, broody vampire." I smile sadly at him.

"Promise you won't do that again—to the family. You have no idea what a chasm your absence opened. None of us have been the same."

I swallow around a lump in my throat. If one of the others said this, I could believe they were blowing smoke, but Jasper has every reason to want me out of the picture. Our eyes meet, and he watches me expectantly.

"I can't do that, Jas. I can't promise anything. Isabella and Hannah are my life, my heart. My only concern is for them, and I don't think Carlisle will want me around once I go back to . . ." I hesitate, not wanting to mention feeding on humans to Jasper. "Well, when I do my own thing."

"Try, okay? Don't shut us out again. You have no idea how it destroyed Ali. It was just another bone of contention between us. She suffered and mooned over losing you, and again, it just left me feeling more betrayed. Here I was, following the lifestyle and doing everything their way, and she was lamenting over the bad boy."

"Shit. That sucks. I thought I was doing you a favor."

"Nah. Even when you were gone, your shadow loomed over the entire family." Jasper glances over at me, a sly smile on his face. "Golden Boy."

"Don't call me that!" I shove his shoulder.

"Why not? It's true." He shoves me back.

We end up wrestling on the ground—like real brothers this time.

~*RK*~

I move stealthily up the hall to the bedroom, just as dawn is breaking over the horizon. Isabella is sideways on the bed, her legs tangled up in the sheets. I smirk to myself—she could never sleep in a twin bed or she'd be on the floor more often than not. I sit on the rug beside the bed and stroke her hair, just enjoying the peace of being in her presence.

A heaviness that I wasn't even aware existed inside me has loosened. The confrontation with Jasper was much needed but also left me pleasantly surprised. The rift between Jasper and Alice is sad, but I'm hoping they work things out—that our entire family can find a way to heal. I have no plans to change my feeding habits, but I do miss them and would like to keep in touch. I realize it might be necessary to stay very close to the area because of Hannah, and Isabella might very well decide to adopt Carlisle's lifestyle. Whatever she decides, I'll abide by.

"Edward?" Isabella's sleep laced voice is a welcome sound.

"Good morning."

"Why are you sitting on the floor?"

"Because you took up the entire bed."

"Sorry."

"Don't be." I smile softly, caressing her cheek. She grounds me like nothing and no one else in this world can.

Isabella rolls over and sits up, scratching her fingers through her hair. "What's wrong, Edward?"

"Nothing."

"Right. Tell me what happened."

While she stretches, dresses, and runs a brush through her hair, I tell her about Jasper. Naturally, I leave out the part about Hannah; Isabella doesn't need anything else to worry over. After speaking with Jasper and getting a taste of what he's been through, I know he'll never lay a finger on Hannah.

She sits on a stool at the counter while I administer her injection and then get her breakfast ready. She hasn't said much, and I lean on the counter, watching her mouth as she chews on a piece of melon. A bit of juice dribbles from the corner of her lip, and I can't resist moving in to lick it off. It tastes terrible, but I don't notice because I'm too busy pressing my lips against hers, coaxing her into a heated make-out session right there in the kitchen. Something inside me needs to touch her, feel her, kiss her . . . hold her tight. Maybe it's knowing how far apart Jasper and Alice have grown even though they're mates; I never want anything to come between Isabella and me.

Her hands slide up over my shoulders to caress my neck, and her legs wrap around my waist as I lift her from the stool. Turning us, I press her lightly against the wall beside the refrigerator. I kiss up the side of her neck and nibble along her jaw until our lips meet again. Her fingers claw at my hair, and she whimpers softly, pressing her pelvis forward to grind on me.

"Mm-mm, Edward . . ." she whispers breathlessly ". . . I want you."

"Is that why you wore a skirt today? So I could do this . . ." I slide a hand up her bare thigh and rip her panties off.

"Oh!"

I slip two fingers between us, caressing her silken heat. After the emotions of last night, I have to force myself to go slow and remember she's human—for now. The thought of her unbreakable and evenly matched with me causes my cock to twitch. Pulling my hand away from her warmth, I unzip my pants and she frees me from their confines, caressing me gently. I slip a condom out of my back pocket and tear it open. Isabella rolls it on and then wraps her hand around my cock to guide me inside her. I push all the way in, gripping her ass to pull her in closer, and she gasps, gripping my hair in her fists and mashing her lips against mine.

Our lovemaking is fast and intense—and piña colada scented.

~*RK*~

A/N: How do we all feel now that we know what Jasper's damage is? I'm delighted that so many of you came out of lurkdom to say hello! Feedback is sweet and satisfying like a bath with Edward—or a romp against the kitchen wall.

Pick a flavor contest: Choose the next flavor Edward will grab from Emmett's Party Pack and get a special personal teaser of the chapter your flavor appears in and credit for sheathing Edward in it.

Thanks to everyone who reads, recs, and lurks this story. The next chapter will most likely post two weeks from now.

If my stories should disappear, they will be on my blog. Most of them are also on Twilighted. I've also joined the new site where many authors are heading in droves as they leave FFn in the dust. An Archive of Our Own: archiveofourown .org users / SaritaDreaming

Follow me on Twitter: SaritaDreaming or SarahAisling

Facebook: SarahAislingAuthor

Blog: SaritaDreaming . wordpress .com