Dying to Live
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
Note 1: I think I should begin this chapter, by saying that this fic is probably going to be about a lot of things. Right now, the genre is marked as romance and family and the pairing is Rin and Sesshomaru. This is all true. But you have probably already found that I really enjoy spending time on characterization, so I like to write a lot about the whole central cast of the show. In this chapter, I delve into a lot of Inuyasha's thoughts and how I perceive him developing into a deeper character. I believe that under that tough exterior, he has a lot of internal conflict about who he is, who he wants to be, and what he thinks about himself. Don't worry, SesshomaruRin lovers, they are going to be in it more and more as we go along.
Note 2: The small, hourglass-shaped, hand drum I refer to later in this chapter is a kotsuzumi. It is a traditional Japanese instrument featured in folk music. It has a very interesting sound when played. You can check out a good demo of it on Youtube with the keyword "kotsuzumi".
:::
"What do you mean, 'if he still lives'?" Miroku asked, looking down at the prostrated girl. "Has something happened to Sesshomaru?"
"Yes, I believe that he was viciously attacked," Rin ground out, her voice suddenly breaking and turning tearful.
"By what?" Sango asked, now leaning further in again to join their conversation. Kohaku had also drawn closer, coming to stand by his sister's shoulder.
"I do not know," she answered and then proceeded to recount the horrible scene she walked into upon returning to the castle. Before she concluded though, with her voice gusty and each word weighted with the firmest resolve, she said, "But then suddenly, thank all the kami, he drew one weak but determined breath. And in that moment, I knew that he must have lived for a reason: I had to go find someone to help him!" Rin finished powerfully.
The monk sighed, as he looked into the girl's eyes glistening with tears. As was notoriously known, he had always had a soft spot for women in need, but Miroku also really wanted to believe in her appeal, which seemed sincere. He glanced sideways at his new wife before looking back at Rin. "Well, his injuries definitely sound extreme…" he stated hesitantly. "Clearly, I think we all know that this could not have been any ordinary attacker to do this to Sesshomaru… It must have been a very strong demon. Did Sesshomaru encounter any particularly troublesome or vengeful rivals recently?"
"No, no! Actually things have been quite quiet recently. In fact, I think Lord Sessomaru had even started to feel restless recently for this reason. I can think of no instances which could possibly have brought about an assault like this… Please, just thinking about how horrible his condition is, I don't feel I can waste even another minute explaining what happened!" Rin exclaimed, wringing her hands before Miroku and the others.
"Miroku, perhaps we should go see what this is all about. It could be a new threat in the region that we should know about," Sango remarked, although barely veiling how little she liked the sound of the whole situation.
"No, we should not go see anything," Miroku replied firmly, emphasizing the 'we'. "You need to be seeing a doctor in Nagoya, which is at least two days behind us already, and Sesshomaru's castle is completely in the other direction."
"Miroku, would you please stop! I've just been a little unwell: it's just a little food poisoning. The pantry at the inn is probably awful!" Sango snapped, although the slight strain in her voice revealed that she too was less than certain about the cause of her sickness.
"Sango, my love," Miroku addressed her more softly, as he turned and took her shoulders in his hands, "Please, look at you concerned husband. I only want to take you to a doctor to make sure you are okay."
"I know, but…" Sango caved, looking up Miroku.
"What about Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin cut in, while Sango and Miroku searched each other's eyes for some consensus over what to do. Inuyasha's icy half-brother was hardly someone they felt particularly bound to help; yet, if the attack was as bad as Rin described, then the threat might be too terrible to be overlooked.
"I think we're both right," Sango finally conceded, as she looked a little worryingly into her beloved's caring grey eyes. "I will go back to Nagoya, and you should follow Rin to Sesshomaru's."
"But Sango, what if you get sicker on the way? I know you could normally take apart any foe in your path, not to mention your poor spouse, but I don't want you to go alone," Miroku replied.
"I could go with her," Kohaku piped up a little shyly, as he regarded Sango.
"Yes, of course. Kohaku will be able to help me should anything happen. And it would be an excellent chance for us to catch up a bit," Sango added meaningfully, looking at her brother, who gave a small smile.
Although Kohaku had only just come back to them that morning from having spent the last few years in the clutches of their greatest enemy, Miroku had to admit that he felt much more at ease with this plan. The thought of Sango going back to Nagoya with someone to help her, even if it was Kohaku (on the one hand, he was her beloved brother and probably in need of some quality family time, but on the other hand, he still needed to be checked over to ensure he was not somehow still under the influence of darker forces) seemed better to Miroku than taking her in her weakened state right into the aloof Ruler of the West's lair.
And if Miroku was really honest with himself, he had allowed a small spark of excitement to kindle within him, and which their highly active romantic life over the past few months would seem to support, that maybe his lovely wife was in fact bearing his child! No, indeed, he absolutely could not allow her to endanger herself over this curious problem with Inuyasha's less than trustworthy half-brother…
"Hmm, alright," Miroku said, having turned over his thoughts long enough. "Rin, I will go with you to see what can be done for Sesshomaru, while Sango and Kohaku will go back to Nagoya. We will set out early tomorrow."
"Thank you so much!" Rin cried out, as out of relief and gratitude, she permitted herself to smile for the first time in days.
:
The next morning before dawn, the little group in the inn awoke to a simple breakfast and tea before setting out, (except for Sango, who spent about half an hour heaving into a wooden bucket, and Miroku, who gently rubbed her back and helped hold her hair when he remembered to feel guilty that her sickness might be partially a result of his doing).
In the last few minutes, as they finished packing up the last of their things and preparing to go out into the pre-sunrise cold, Miroku and Sango sat a little apart from Rin and Kohaku to say their goodbyes. As they sat close together and facing each other, Miroku held each of Sango's hands in one of his and rubbed his thumbs over the soft, pale skin of her knuckles. On her palms, though, the battle-produced calluses reminded him of how strong and tough she could be. Even still, since they had finally decided to wed three months prior, thinking their hunt for Naraku might never end, he found himself feeling more and more committed to and protective of her.
"Be careful on your way to Nagoya, alright?" he said, looking into her eyes, to which she nodded.
"And I'll be sure to keep an eye on Kohaku, too," she added. Miroku began to open his mouth to speak. However, she stopped him before he could say anything, having correctly anticipated his thoughts: "You have been very tactful, Miroku, not to mention any suspicions about Kohaku's sudden appearance yesterday, but I have also been a little concerned that he might not be… totally himself yet. I'm unbelievably happy to see him alive, since we didn't really know what would happen to him after we got the last jewel shard back, but I still plan to keep my guard up until I'm a little more certain."
"I'm very glad to have him back, too. But I'm also glad to hear that you are being cautious," Miroku replied before going on a little nervously to what he really wanted to speak to Sango about. "Speaking of which, I haven't brought it up yet because I didn't want to jinx things, but yesterday I started to think, when I was urging you to see a doctor… do you think that despite all of this throwing up—"
"I might not really be sick sick?" she said, finishing his question. A little smile crept across her lips. "Yes, that possibility dawned on me yesterday, too. I think maybe I was a little in denial: I'm not sure I'm fully ready yet, but the thought of a child does make me feel really happy," she confessed, as she gently laid a hand across her stomach.
"But that also makes me feel really worried about you, Miroku," Sango continued, her face now showing her concern. "I don't really like the sounds of this thing with Sesshomaru. He's helped us a few times, but that hardly makes up for the all the times he's tried to kill Inuyasha and take the rest of us out in the process. I want to believe Rin, but I don't trust Sesshomaru at all. Please be careful while you're there," Sango said, taking his hands in hers again.
"I will," he agreed before they exchanged a kiss. "Wait for me at the inn in Nagoya?"
"Of course," she agreed, and then it was time to go.
::
Inuyasha grudgingly put on the white cotton under-kimono Kaede left for him before going on to the next room. Although, Inuyasha learned long ago not to expect much from anyone, he could not help but be curious about what the villagers could possibly want to give him. Maybe a good bashing for all the times I helped to destroy their village over the last couple centuries – that'd really add to the evening, he mused.
However, his acerbic thoughts were instantly dispersed when his eyes fell upon what hung in the center of the next chamber. It was formal men's kimono set: the robe-like shell in black silk with matching black hakama pants covered by a red, embroidered silk haori jacket. Inuyasha, who thought rarely much of anything about clothing, could not help but admire it.
"Inuyasha, this is our village head Arai-san, his daughter-in-law, and his grandson, Junpei. They wish to present this outfit as a gift to ye," Kaede explained, indicating the impressive set of garments.
The young man's eye brows shot up, and he gasped ever so slightly. "This-this is for me?" he asked, obviously surprised. He had barely owned any clothes in his life, let alone something like this.
"Inuyasha-sama, on behalf of the whole village, my family and I wish to present this formal kimono set to you to thank you for the great service you have done for our village over the last six years," the headman began. He smiled a little as he registered Inuyasha's initial disbelief at their gratitude for his help, before continuing, "Although, you were once a great plague on this village in the days that my father was village head, after you began your travels with Lady Kagome you protected this village on several occasions. Most important to me was the time you saved my grandson and daughter-in-law," Arai said, smiling warmly and indicating the woman and the small, shy boy.
Geez, I can barely remember ever laying eyes on them, let alone saving their lives, Inuyasha thought, feeling quite embarrassed by all the attention and generosity he clearly felt he hadn't earned. He was about to object, when Headman Arai continued to speak: "You were staying in the village with your friends waiting for Lady Kagome to return from her home. The village was attacked by a band of spider-head demons. They were going down every house in the village, indiscriminately thrashing roofs and walls here and there, looking for escaping people to prey on. Some people were badly injured in fallen debris that night. When I heard the splintering wood and screams, I came out of our home to see what was coming for us. Just as one of those huge, hairy monsters was darting toward our place, you ran up behind the beast and slayed it with that giant sword of yours.
"I will always remember how grateful I am to you for saving our home that night. Surely, that horrible demon would have crushed in the roof under which my daughter-in-law and grandson were sleeping, recovering from an illness. They would have been killed for certain. They are here today because of you, Inuyasha," the village head finished. Then he patted the small boy on the head who, at some point during the story, had taken to staring fascinatedly at the stranger before him. As Arai and his daughter-in-law added in their looks of deep admiration, Inuyasha felt himself blush uncharacteristically, unsure how to respond.
"I-I, well of course I was not going to let those stupid spider-heads keep wrecking everything!" the young man stammered, "But you don't have to go giving me clothes and stuff for every time I kill a demon!"
"Inuyasha, for once, just be comfortable accepting that ye've done something because ye knew that it was the right thing to do," Kaede chided him, her exasperation only half real as she chuckled inwardly at how flustered he had become. Turning to the headmen before Inuyasha could protest again, the old priestess asked, "Arai-san, would ye like to tell Inuyasha a bit more about his gift now?"
There's more? Inuyasha's mind balked.
"Yes, of course," Arai replied with a glance at his daughter-in-law, who knelt down and, smiling, whispered something to little Junpei. The little boy, his attention having left Inuyasha for the moment, wriggled and smiled a toothy grin at whatever his mother said to him before pulling something thin and wrapped in a piece of black silk from inside his shirt. Looking very self-satisfied, he now boldly looked in Inuyasha's direction before bravely marching up to him and unfolding the layer of black silk. His mother and grandfather looked on proudly, as with two hands, the little boy excitedly lifted up the object for Inuyasha to accept. Inuyasha, bent down and reverently took the small offering, thinking of a time long ago when he himself had been as small and eager to please as young Junpei.
"Domo," he said, not wanting to disappoint the youngster. Once the item was in his own two hands, he finally saw what it was: a long strip of the same red silk that apparently made up the brand new haori jacket before him. Only now, he saw the exquisiteness of the embroidery: shining red thread made an intricate design of delicately twisting pine branches adorned with thin nettles against a background of subtly more textured and darker hued, scarlet silk.
"The women of the village worked very hard on this kimono set themselves, so it is perhaps not the finest tailoring in the country, but it was made with great care and admiration by people who wish to honor you for the time and effort you have sacrificed.
"As soon as we heard that you had returned the Shikon-no-Tama, several of us traveled to Edo with a chunk of the village purse in search of the right silk to make it for you. We also bought the materials for a special outfit for Lady Kagome," Arai paused at this point, thinking carefully about how he wanted to phrase what he said next, having inferred from Kaede that the miko's absence was a bit of a sensitive topic, "which we will hold for her until she returns."
Arai carried on, "In your hands, you hold the collar piece to the kimono. It was made specifically to match the haori jacket, which we thought should be as red as your iconic Robe of the Firerat. However, the red shade of the silk is also meant to recall all the villainous blood you and your friends labored to spill to recreate the Shikon Jewel. Likewise, the red embroidered nettles stand for the many seasons you have passed with us, enduring and unchanging through the years in your inhuman half. Finally the pure, white, cotton under-kimono reminds us all of your humble heritage and equally important human half. The cotton: for as legend holds, you are as much the son of the infamous dog daiyoukai Inu-no-Taisho as of the noble, but lower-ranking, human woman Izayoi. And the color white: for the pure goodness that thankfully found a space and grew in your inherently divided heart. May these clothes always remind you not least of our gratitude, but most of all, of the best parts within yourself by which you earned it," Arai concluded, his eyes twinkling. He felt satisfied that his speech had produced the desired effect, judging by the slightly shocked, contemplative look on the young man's face.
Indeed, between the grandness of the gift and the village head's heartfelt words, and finally his incredibly candid but sincere entreaty, Inuyasha was left utterly speechless. He had nothing to give back to these people, certainly, at least not at the moment. And if he still had the chance to become a full demon (aside from using the Shikon Jewel, which he had decided over the last two days, that he would not attempt to steal again), he still would, wouldn't he?
Or perhaps not…. He had always dreamed of being able to change himself, to override the internal conflict that had caused him to struggle with his nature from birth. It had to be the one constant element in his life.
At first seeking the power that he believed that demon-hood could yield, he had dedicatedly wreaked havoc throughout the countryside until he took a fascination in the Shikon Jewel and Kikyo. Having developed feelings for Kikyo, though, his goal shifted only slightly in that he began to think about using the Jewel to make himself fully human instead. Of course, this desire only allowed Naraku to exploit his and Kikyo's love, leading to his stint nailed to the Tree of Ages, during which his soul once again lusted every moment to be fully demon and to end to his own embarrassing weakness. Then when Kagome appeared six years ago, had he not saved and followed her, believing he would at last get the Jewel? And eventually, he even thought he might have her too… until he started to have doubts about whether she would want him, if he did actually make off with the Jewel against everyone's wishes and transform himself. Even if she ultimately didn't care about him stealing it, there remained the question of which nature he would choose and what she would think of him after that...
And then he had realized that he was no longer willing to do everything and anything to achieve that change, particularly stealing the Jewel. In reality, stealing it last time had only unleashed crushing pain and disappointment into his life. At this point, he knew that the villagers' gift to him would only add unbelievable guilt to the mix no matter what else might happen if he took it. That was why he would not steal the cursed thing again tonight. And that was why he would probably never get his wish to be a full demon… or human after all.
Well, he had finally learned his lesson just in time to live out his long and incomplete existence all alone. He would leave the village right after the ceremony. Despite all the headman's affirmations of the people's appreciation, it would only take the passing of a couple generations at most before the villagers would go back to thinking he was just another parasite lingering around their homes. Similarly, Sango and Miroku would do better without his shadow hanging over them any place they might try to settle down. Besides, he wasn't planning on baring witness to any lovely-dovey newlywed shit—happy, cutthroat (which he was pretty sure it would be mostly between those two), or otherwise. And what did he really care? He had been living his life solo for long enough before he'd even met Kikyo—and it was much simpler that way!
Yet, he just didn't feel that excited about his newfound liberation yet.
Regardless, factoring in his decision to go back to being an independent, ruthless hanyou, he thought he wouldn't make any promises he couldn't keep about his future behavior. He bowed his thanks to Village Head Arai and his family and said the most truthful thing he could think of: "I never expected anything like this, but thank you for the gift. I'll always keep it."
::
After Miroku and Rin set out from the inn, they headed for the closest town where they paid for new mounts from the local stables, as Miroku had insisted that Sango and Kohaku take Kirara with them for extra speed and protection. Kirara had mewed happily at the inn when they came to get her from the stable there, only too happy to leave with Sango and Kohaku, because the stodgy old inn keeper had refused to let her stay inside their room despite the cold.
The four days of riding Miroku and Rin passed on their way to Sesshomaru's castle in the west were mostly silent. At first, Miroku asked a few more questions from time to time about Sesshomaru's condition and Rin inquired politely about what he and Sango had been doing heading toward Mt. Hiei. Oddly, she also asked how Inuyasha and Kagome were. It felt strange to hear her talk about his friends with such warm, if quite reserved curiosity, given that Sesshomaru harbored such distaste for his half-brother. Eventually though, things fell mostly quiet between them as their horses picked their way along the rocks and root-filled trails toward the outskirts of Tottori, where the demonic Ruler of the Western Lands made his home.
Now the imposing castle was in view, and they were crossing the grassy foothills that rolled up to it. Rin showed the way to the stables, and Miroku was surprised to find that Sesshomaru kept a number of horses there, despite the fact that he was never seen riding any of them. Noticing his confused expression, Rin explained that when Lord Sesshomaru was not in residence, humans were allowed change mounts there for a fee that helped with the upkeep of the great manor. Miroku couldn't help but think that the proud youkai must have despised having to collect money from humans, but then again, running a stable was more hands-off than a lot of things, like organizing tenant farmers to till the land to raise money.
Just then, a small rat demon suddenly scurried out of hiding, hugging a huge cluster of hay to feed Miroku's horse. The monk turned to follow Rin, but before they left for the castle, Rin made a quick stop to greet a certain peculiar, two-headed, dragon-hybrid creature. Miroku waited at a small distance, as she whispered a few words into its ears and patted its twin muzzles. Strangely, there was something of a calm, but knowing look about the way that Ah-Un still watched the monk over the girl's shoulder. Although, the beast never spoke and rarely displayed any particularly distinctive character, Miroku still recognized it as a pivotal guardian of sorts in Sesshomaru's odd little band of followers, which of course also included Rin and Jaken...
"Oh!" screeched, a shocked, high-pitched voice.
And speak of the devil, Miroku thought to himself, as the pointy-capped, green imp scrambled forward.
"Wha-whatis he doing here, Rin?" Jaken spluttered, as they crossed over the threshold into the central manor.
However, Miroku stopped listening as the girl made to answer the little demon. Suddenly, Miroku's eyes adjusted to the dimmer light inside the building. Smeared blood remained all across the floor and splattered on the door frames leading into each room they passed through. Night started to fall quickly outside, so Rin lit a candle to lead them through the house. This limited how much Miroku could actually see of the interior, but he could still tell that the damage evidently left behind by Sesshomaru's encounter was extensive.
They reached a room that was well into the interior of the house, where the trail of destruction seemed to be leading them. Miroku first noticed in a small corner of the room directly across from the door, a flickering candle stick whose wax had been allowed to trickle and harden to the floor, so it looked like a glowing lump sitting on the dark, lacquered wood. Beside it was spread a badly wrinkled, old blanket, which the monk realized Jaken had probably been sleeping on for days, as he had kept a morbid watch over his master's failing life.
Miroku turned to face the far end of the room, where he could now tell Sesshomaru must have lie. In fact, from where he stood, he could see nothing of the demon's body at all, but he knew, as Rin went to the bedside, that the Ruler of the West was somewhere there among the billows of cloth atop the futon. Jaken hung back a bit, twisting his hands ever so slightly, as he nervously watched them.
The Buddhist felt strangely unnerved, as he joined Rin and knelt down beside Sesshomaru in the dim light of the candles that had been placed at this side of the futon. Slowly, they leaned in for a better look in the wavering, golden light.
Miroku clenched his jaw suddenly and felt a sharp breath of air hiss through his teeth when Rin drew back some of the blankets. "Jaken says there's been no major changes in his condition, even though he had him moved onto the futon," Rin stated, and then more softly said, "Still, he also hasn't gotten any better either."
This was much worse than anything Miroku could have even begun to imagine. He had never heard of anything like it, he thought, as he willed himself to look over Sesshomaru's broken form. The only thing that Miroku could equate the damage to would be if the youkai's body had undergone harsh aging for a couple hundred years. Shrunken and dehydrated were among the less startling descriptors that came to mind. That, of course, was aside from the wounds and bruising he'd suffered as well. Yet as Rin had said, he did find that if he watched close enough, he could detect the slightest rise and fall of the demon's chest, indicating that he was still alive.
"Rin," Miroku began as he leaned back on his heels, away from the body a bit. "I'm going to be honest with you: I have never seen anything like this before. I hardly know where to begin to do anything for him."
"Please, just try," Rin pressed, her expression solemn, as she looked him in the eye, "Anything."
"Okay, but I'm going to need a few things and some time," he said.
:
Having asked Rin and Jaken to gather a few items and not to enter the room until he said so (to great protestation on Jaken's part), Miroku now knelt by Sesshomaru's beside alone. He spent the first hour unpacking his satchel. He unrolled a variety of scrolls containing sutras; laid out several faded pamphlets containing different pieces of doctrine; and unfolded a guide to the mudras, or ritualistic, healing, yogic hand gestures he might need to use.
Then looking at the pile he had made, he decided it would probably be better if he spread them out on the floor to better see all of his resources and avoid missing some important detail. Yes, that's better, he thought to himself, as he finished laying out a pamphlet about difficult exorcisms on the last remaining blank piece of floor surrounding him.
But it wasn't really better, though. He had just wasted the last hour shuffling paper around, and he was not at all closer to figuring out what to do.
So for the second and third hours, he flipped through several of the works lying around him looking for any mention of a condition like the one that gripped Sesshomaru. When he finished looking through everything he had, though, nothing seemed to really fit the description. Holding his head in his hands, the monk thought again about all the details he had gathered so far:
Fact 1: The victim was attacked by something, most likely another demon, before falling into his current state.
Fact 2: The victim was found unresponsive but still breathing, indicating that he is still alive.
Fact 3: The victim's body is severely damaged with a withered, aged appearance.
Lastly, Fact 4: No one, other than possibly the attacker, witnessed him fall into his current state.
Miroku sighed. It had to have been the one-hundredth time he had run through the same list that night.
In his prior experience, the number one reason people normally became unresponsive for long periods of time was because their souls had wandered away from their bodies during sleep in order to haunt the dreams of others. However, this was normally the result of great emotional—particularly romantic—distress, such as a long-held unrequited love or the death of a lover. Ah, no, not like Sesshomaru at all, Miroku thought. Not to mention, there were no known recorded instances involving a demon as a victim. Furthermore, when he asked them, neither Rin nor Jaken reported having seen Sesshomaru in their dreams, a typical occurrence with wandering souls. So there had to be another answer.
So once again, Miroku decided that fact number three, Sesshomaru's appearance, was the next most promising piece of evidence available. Although Jaken had been particularly resistant to Miroku, the monk had managed to get it out of him that Sesshomaru was easily more than 300 years old. That certainly was impossibly old by human standards if not by demon standards. Was it possible that a bitter enemy had cursed Sesshomaru's body to age in accordance with his real age with the goal of immobilizing him indefinitely but not killing him? That would be would be a very cruel plot indeed. But who with that kind of power would have the motivation to come after Sesshomaru? Furthermore, Rin had been unable to think of anyone besides Inuyasha and Naraku in recent times with whom he had an obvious rivalry. Finally, possession didn't seem likely. He had none of the signs of it, such as acting out bizarrely or exhibiting unpredictable mood shifts. Besides, who would have the power to control a demon like Sesshomaru anyway?
As much as he didn't like the idea of it, given that he had received the proper training and thus should have been able to come up with a better solution beforehand, Miroku decided that he was just going to have start trying out some healing techniques on him. With any luck, he might respond to one of them. So, the monk folded his legs into the lotus position; took a deep, meditative breath; and began to recite the sutras.
::
When Inuyasha stepped out of the bath house and followed Kaede in the direction of the shrine, he felt like he was in a dream even more than before. Just as when he entered the village hours earlier, a small procession of little shrine maidens with clusters of ritualistic silver bells waited to lead him onward. This time there was a young man who looked to be about the same age as Kagome's brother Sota, who joined them shouldering a small, hourglass-shaped, hand drum. As they started in a line toward the shrine—the girls with the bells, the youth with the drum, Inuyasha, and finally Kaede—the instruments produced an austere rhythmic tune: first the bells' chilly "shing shing", followed by the drum's whining response "TEW-tew".
Aside from this, the village was strangely quite right until they were almost to the shrine. That's when they began to hear the soft din of voices, where all of the villagers now gathered, waiting for the event to begin. A good number of them rarely took any interest in shrine related affairs. However, tonight was different. Some of them had been interested in the gossip surrounding the selection of Inuyasha—who they saw as simultaneously notorious and yet pleasingly committed to protecting their village—to return the Jewel. The sudden absence of Lady Kagome, to whom there was much talk that Inuyasha had become quite attached, only compounded the fascination of the more talkative housewives to see him on display now. Then, there was a good portion of the village which had been drawn to the shrine out of a combination of fear and terrified curiosity about whether the hanyou would simply take the Shikon Jewel again, only this time succeed in using it to become more powerful and slaughter them all. At least if they were already at the shrine when he did so, they would see it coming they decided in resignation.
So to Inuyasha, the last two-hundred some yard walk to the tori gate, which marked the entrance to the shrine felt beyond the surreal. A pathway had been left clear in the middle of the crowd for Inuyasha to walk to the central building where he would return the Jewel. As the tune of their little procession reached the top of the crowd, an unnatural hush fell over the villagers, as if they had even ceased to breath. All eyes were suddenly on Inuyasha, as he came into view after the young musicians. Suddenly, the only sound he could hear over the deafening silence was the thrumming of his own heart, pumping a flood of blood past his own eardrums. Cold sweat leaked out onto his palms. Momentarily, he wondered what all those people behind their staring eyes thought of seeing his black hair and greyish-brown eyes, which he so rarely showed to anyone.
Then, he caught sight of the little girl who had groomed his hair earlier: in that split second before she realized that he was observing her observing him, her eyes were wide and curious, not a trace of hate or anger there, only deep fascination, like so many of the other people around her. When she saw him looking, of course, she started a bit. Then she surprised him with a small, shy smile.
She's smiling at me, Inuyasha heard a voice say in disbelief somewhere inside his mind. He hesitantly felt himself smile back. And for a moment, as he seemed to float past everyone, the silk of his brand new clothes and his freshly washed hair and face shining in dim starlight, he dared to feel proud but not of something he had done or not done. He felt proud… of himself.
Then, a chill ran down his spine because the procession was over. Kaede was speaking to him, telling him to take the Shikon Jewel from a wooden case that she held open before him. He looked down at it: it had been put on a new string decorated with pinkish seashell shards like in the days that Kikyo had protected it. Reverently, he took it and placed the shelled strand over his head. At the same time, in the surrounding quiet, he registered the whisper of bowstrings tightening and the click of swords being readied in their scabbards. Lord Taka's men made their presence known, but Inuyasha only breathed deeply and removed the wooden geta sandals Kaede had made him wear. He turned and walked up the steps leading into the shrine building. As he lifted the grass mat covering the door to enter, he closed his eyes, and for the first time in his life, he prayed, If all the kami destroy me tonight for entering their sacred home after all I have done, then alright, fine. With that, he stepped inside.
::
Hours later, at the castle in the west, Miroku emerged from Sesshomaru's room, his face pale and worn looking with stale sweat. He rubbed his brow and eyes with his sleeve, as Rin and Jaken jumped to their feet to hear what he had to say.
"I think I saved him," he said, at last.