(Edited 27 September 2020)
Dying to Live
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
Miroku knew it was not right that he had not been back to see Sesshomaru and Rin in close to two months. Since reuniting with Sango and Kohaku in Nagoya, though, it wasn't as if he'd had much of a choice. It wasn't as if he'd had much of a choice. That's not to say it wasn't always close to mind. On the contrary, it weighed on him like a massive rock that seemed to get a little heavier in proportion to each good thing or happy occasion that now happened. For every thing that made his life worth living, he had now seriously jeopardized each one via the dark curse that now marked both Sesshomaru and him.
Perhaps the heaviest reward of all, as he had dared to hope before everything went awry on his brief excursion West, he returned to find his lovely, beaming wife with confirmation that she was in fact with child. Where he once would've only been ecstatic, he was now also incredibly sad to hear this news. Yet another ill-fated monk's child would be born in the shadow of a terrible family curse, though for once it would not be the kazaana because it had blessedly vanished with death of Naraku, and it appeared there was no fear that it would be hereditary. Miroku had questioned Mushin so many different ways to confirm that second point. Despite the fact there wasn't a lot of prior recorded history to go on, Mushin seemed quite certain from a doctrinal stand point, that only Miroku and Sesshomaru's hopes for Nirvana or re-entering Samsara, the cycle of reincarnation, would be snuffed out. So though it seemed the problem itself couldn't be passed down, having grown up in the wake of his own father's untimely death, Miroku feared his personal rashness would set in motion the repeating of that cycle of events, leaving his own child fatherless.
Despite, being completely worn to the bone and the mark in his foot still inducing mental aching, if not physical pain, Miroku managed to submerge his forlorn feelings in order to convincingly join in Sango's revelry. She merely asked if he was tired later that evening and if everything was alright with Sesshomaru. After having spent the time in the air with Ah-Un rehearsing his answer, he casually remarked that he hadn't mentioned it sooner, because it was no big deal. Sesshomaru had indeed been injured by a demonic curse, but Miroku had been able to provide sutras to heal him (not entirely a lie, more of a reconstruction of the facts). Thankfully, after that, the topic was quickly forgotten the next day. Instead, they excitedly prepared to travel back east to share the good news of Kohaku's return and their family's impending expansion with their friends.
From there, Miroku felt like he had blinked and the time had gone by. Upon returning to the village, they were immediately recognized and hurried to Kaede's house, bursting with curiosity once they saw the ruined shrine building.
Kaede was of course surprised and overjoyed at seeing them so soon. Steaming, golden cups of tea were poured and hearty, friendly-tasting bowls of mushroom and rice porridge were consumed. They took turns regaling each other with all the events of the past two months. All the warm words and smiles floated through Miroku's mind. Kohaku, thank the kami you are safe and finally free, Kaede had said, patting the boy's forearm, as he sat beside her at the fire pit. So Inuyasha's finally got his wish? He went to go get her?! Eeee, when's the wedding? Sango's excitedly questioned. Ah, Inuyasha will be more insufferable than ever, he himself had joked.
It would've been a wonderful evening all around, if Miroku hadn't felt guilty for the horrible secret he was hiding. At one point in the evening, it looked like he wouldn't keep it very long. As Kohaku sat telling everyone again about the first moment he realized his freedom, the monk looked up across the fire to find the old shrine maiden looking at him, a strange expression on her face. Quickly, diverting his gaze back to his young brother-in-law, Miroku wondered if some effect of the curse he now bore was actually paranoia. However, later in the evening, when he stepped outside to get a breath of fresh air before bed, he suddenly found himself alone on the porch with Kaede, almost as if she had followed him out.
He made small talk: "It's quite cold now isn't it?"
"So da ne," she replied casually. Silence fell between them again, and just as he was about to turn and check that the old woman was still awake, she spoke.
"Has something been troubling you, Miroku?" The question was very pointed, and now she was looking right at him. He struggled not to sweat, even despite the cold.
"No, no," he began, trying to steady his voice, "maybe a little worn out from all the travel and excitement, but otherwise I'm very well. Why do you ask?"
"Mmm, no reason," she replied, sounding unconvinced, and her brow furrowing ever so slightly. "Just thought there's been a lot going on recently."
Ah, and you don't even know the half of it, he had thought, realizing that mercifully no one had bothered to mention his visit West.
:
For about a week, they rested in the village until Kagome and Inuyasha returned for a visit. There was much squealing when the girls ran to each other to share their good news. Kohaku stood shyly with the men, but still smiling. Smirking, Miroku berated Inuyasha for doing something as dramatic as annihilating the village shrine without their presence. The demon merely grumbled that the monk would certainly be there for the aftermath, as a certain old woman had promised that Inuyasha would rebuild it come spring. So another night of celebratory drinking and eating was passed in Kaede's hut.
The friends spent the next few days happily enjoying each other's company. It was a strange but welcome change to all of them to not have to worry about enemies or finding jewel shards. Instead, Kagome and Sango discussed modern wedding traditions and baby names. Miroku, Inuyasha, Kirara and occasionally Kohaku, went out to a nearby field and worked on ideas and techniques about how Inuyasha could get more power out of Tessaiga. Miroku also worked on some of his meditative calisthenics he had been using to deepen his ki force talents, which he determined he had rather foolishly neglected quite a bit having so often leaned on the Windtunnel like he had. Also, it had been some time since he'd been able to do anything about his personal health, and he could tell it was only going to get more difficult with Sango's pregnancy. Ultimately, he worried it wouldn't matter much if he couldn't figure out a way to permanently heal Sesshomaru. Grimly, it had occurred to him that if anything happened to Sesshomaru in the intervening time, Miroku didn't know whether he would just die too as a result of the bond. He hoped that Rin was looking after him.
"I said, you know you're helping me rebuild that shrine building in the spring, right?" Inuyasha's mildly irritated voice had broken through Miroku's thoughts. Today, it was just Miroku and Inuyasha out in the field. They were taking a break between exercises, when Miroku's fears momentarily absorbed him.
"What's this? A full-fledged demon needs the help of a mere human? Still, if you keep reminding me the same number of times each day as you are now, I don't know how I could possibly forget," Miroku joked. "Not to mention, it's not like I'm going anywhere for the next something like six to seven months." Unfortunately, since his last statement again involved time and him still being alive for it, he grimaced inwardly once more.
"Oh right – so how are you feeling about becoming someone's father, monk?" Inuyasha asked.
Miroku was stunned: it was highly unlike Inuyasha to ask anyone about their feelings. On the other hand, in their conversations, Miroku was surprised to find a new, relative calm in Inuyasha. He seemed somehow settled and content in a way Miroku had never seen in him before. As was the case now, the demon's voice still often bore its usual sarcastic edge, but Miroku realized the question was genuine as his friend looked at him, patiently waiting for an answer.
"Uh, well, a little nervous, I guess," the Buddhist responded, scratching the back of his head. "I'm counting on Sango not to let me mess the kid up too badly."
"It's still your kid. I don't know how much she's gonna be able to do about that," Inuyasha laughed.
Miroku playfully scoffed and kicked his foot in the youkai's general direction. Then, he asked, "How about you? What's it like living in Kagome's time so much now? You seem to be doing a lot to make it work," he concluded, gesturing to his own hair.
Inuyasha, dragged a hand through his shorn, white tresses. "Yeah… I might not cut it this short again," he admitted. "It's… been alright. To be honest, it's a little weird too, though. I've been trying to understand hundreds of years of knowledge in just a few weeks. Obviously, it's been tiring.
"But when I was inside the shrine, with my mother and father and Kikyo, I finally saw myself in ways I never had before. Like I could finally see myself clearly. And I saw that by being with Kagome, that's how I could be most true to myself. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like the jewel reached in and uncovered it for me." He paused. The thought had come out in a sort of stream. It was the first time he had tried to describe it to someone other than Kagome. Miroku was one of his first friends ever. He decided he wanted him to know about it. Maybe they could even help each other out a bit. "I wish you could see what it's like on her side. It's impossible to fully describe it."
"Mm," Miroku nodded, and put on a fake serious expression. "Don't spend too much time over there. Without Kagome around to lighten her mood, I'm worried that Sango's going to try to kill me over the next few months."
"You mean she hasn't tried already?" Inuyasha teased.
"Your words hurt me, Inuyasha," Miroku parried back.
"You know, we've never tried it before," Inuyasha said, a thoughtful look on his face.
"What?" Miroku had asked.
"Bringing somebody else through the well."
:
The youkai, the monk, the priestess, and the two demon slayers stood all around, peering down into the Bone Eater's Well.
"How long of a drop is it, if I don't make it?" Miroku asked, warily. To his dismay, regarding his delicate state of aliveness, Inuyasha had automatically volunteered him as the test subject. Miroku was still considering just shoving Kohaku down instead; he was younger and fitter.
"I'm not sure. I've never not made it through," Kagome replied less than reassuringly.
"Since you're human, you'll probably only break a couple bones," Inuyasha replied.
"Oh good," responded Miroku. "Maybe we should go together the first time, just to be sure?"
"And you want me to hold your hand, too, monk?" the demon teased.
"Inuyasha, at least hold onto this with him," Kagome jumped in to the rescue. She had unwound her hair ribbon and held it out to her fiancé. "Miroku's right: we don't really know what's going to happen."
The two men stood with Kagome's pink and yellow polka-dotted hair ribbon hanging between them. "Now are you alright?" Inuyasha asked, obviously impatient to go but grinning.
Miroku swallowed and nodded. Even though he knew Inuyasha was going to jump in then, Miroku was still a bit delayed in his response. There was a hard tug on the ribbon before it went limp in his hand, just as he fell into the well. Separated, was the only word that came to mind before a swirl of cosmic darkness followed by a series of floating, glowing lights engulfed him, as he drifted through time.
:
"Hey, hey," he heard Inuyasha's voice. Snapping fingers hovered over Miroku's face. "You alive?"
"Yeah, I think… Did we make it?" Miroku asked, propping himself up from the floor.
"You made it alright. You almost killed us both, too, when you came through. How did you manage to trip on the edge of the well?" Inuyasha demanded.
"It was my first time! You didn't tell me I had to jump again at the last minute!" Miroku complained, but Inuyasha had already thrown open the well house door.
"Oh hey, Inuyasha," a voice called from a distance.
Looking past Inuyasha, Miroku saw a boy just a little younger looking than Kohaku on the porch of a large house-looking building. In his arms, he clutched a large cat.
"Hey, Souta," Inuyasha replied. Tell Mom to set a couple extra places at dinner. We're gonna have some guests."
:
And that was how Sango, Miroku, and Kohaku took their first trip to the future.
Not long after that, they learned that Miroku had initially passed through the well only because he was holding Kagome's hair ribbon from the modern era. Unfortunately, it was Miroku who found this out the hard way one afternoon when he wasn't carrying anything of Kagome's from her time with him. He was lucky that he made the mistake on Kagome's side, though, where he grandfather had thrown several bails of hay into the bottom of the well just in case any of the neighborhood kids were fooling around and accidentally fell in. From that time forward, however, the friends all travelled back and forth between the two eras to spend time with each other quite regularly.
As Kagome and Inuyasha's wedding date drew closer, Sango, Miroku, and Kohaku began to spend more time at Kagome's grandfather's home in Tokyo. Sango had really taken to helping Kagome and Mrs. Higurashi with the arrangements for clothing and decorations. Kagome also took Sango shopping for new maternity clothes every available chance, the local shopping mall an endlessly novel experience for Sango.
Then, Christmas Day came and Kagome's family introduced everyone to the Christmas traditions imported from the West. Souta and Kohaku dragged the Christmas tree down from the attic and Kagome demonstrated how to hang the ornaments, while Inuyasha tried to keep Buyo from eating all the tinsel. Kagome's grandfather special ordered two large Christmas ducks from the local butcher, a friend of his, so everyone gathered together at the long, low dining table at the back of the house for a Christmas Eve feast. They finished the night falling asleep together in front of the TV watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
In the morning, Kagome awoke to the brush of cool stone and warm fingers against her left ring finger. Beside the couch where she had fallen asleep against her fiancé, he now knelt so his face was very close to hers.
"I recently learned that mates often exchange rings in this era," he said very quietly and earnestly, caressing her hand as she blinked the sleep from her eyes. Kagome lifted her hand to her face and studied the beautiful ring of carved, misty green jade encircling her finger.
"It's not like any of the ones I've seen in the store fronts on this side of the well, but I hope you'll always wear it," the young man said nervously, despite the smile growing on his beloved's face.
"Of course I will!" she replied, choking back tears and throwing her arms around him. "You didn't have to do this: you've already given me so much!"
At the doorway, Sango and Miroku had come down from their bedroom and stopped to watch. The monk had his arm around his wife's shoulders, and he gently squeezed her arm as they watched their friends embrace. "And so have you," Sango said softly, turning and looking at him with love in her dark eyes, as she rubbed her curved belly. All Miroku could do was try to keep smiling and hold her closer. I just hope I can stay with you for it, he thought.