Dying to Live
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. However, I do own the unique plot and original characters of this story.
Miroku put his hand up for the others behind him to stop. Then, he pulled up on the reigns. The sun would set in just a few minutes, and although it was nearly too dark, he had managed to see what he had been searching for: a small break in the densely crowded trees.
"Hachi," Miroku addressed the raccoon dog, just as he ambled up beside his horse; the demon had joined them about a week before when Miroku had sent for him. Miroku was still waiting for him to be of much use…
"Ah! Yes, Master Miroku?" the masked creature replied, flustered as usual at being called forward.
"Go follow that path there between the trees. Have a look around and see if there's space for us to set up camp with the horses," Miroku instructed, pointing at the spot between the trees.
"Uh-Uhn, y-you mean, over there?" Hachi asked weakly, his pointed snout angled in the direction of the rapidly darkening trek. His eyes were wide, and he was clearly stalling. He stuttered again, "T-that dark—"
"I'll go too!" Shippou piped up. Hearing the creak of the leather saddle as the young demon slid off his horse, Miroku heaved a sigh of unspoken gratitude. He then watched the young demon disguised as a young man skip off into the shadowy underbrush. The raccoon dog scrambled quickly after him, moaning and flailing his paws anxiously. Obviously not wishing to be left out, Kirara stretched and jumped down from Miroku's shoulders, where she had been snoozing, and followed too.
Waiting in the awkward quiet that had hung over their little expedition since its start, Miroku let his mind wander. Still feeling thankful for Shippou's youthful energy, he thought again of how odd it was to see Shippou in his glamorized appearance towering over the other two demons. It made the young fox appear much older than Miroku was used to seeing him. Also, since Shippou had returned to them, he had been acting more mature. He had been willing to jump in and help out at just the right moments, no longer too timid or prone to hiding as before. He was surer with his fox magic than ever before after training with the other kitsune, too. Finding Hachi just as unreliable as ever, it made Miroku only more glad still to have Shippou along. Buddha only knew he needed whatever allies he could get on this journey.
As the minutes drew on, night fell in haste. Fortunately, a rustling of leaves finally let them know that their scouts had come back. "Everything looks good!" Shippou announced, popping his head out of the dark foliage, followed by Kirara.
"There's even a creek a little further in that we can get fresh water from," Hachi added, joining them.
"Good," Miroku replied, answering for everyone. Dismounting, he moved to follow the three demons down the path. Behind him he heard Kohaku and Rin speaking to each other in hushed tones as they followed suit, and he assumed that Kohaku had noted whether the last member of their party had done the same, bringing up the rear.
About an hour later, they finished pitching their modest camp, and Rin and Kohaku chatted away merrily over the last bites of the baked fish, broth, and rice that Rin had warmed up for them over the camp fire. On the other side of the fire, Miroku could hear Shippou and Hachi playfully squabbling over a small, electronic, handheld game that Kagome had given to the kitsune two Christmases ago. A little distance away, in the shadows outside the ring of firelight, Sesshomaru sat well out of talking range. He had his back against the trunk of a tree, not unlike how Miroku had often seen Inuyasha do over the years.
For his part, Miroku sat beside the fire with Kirara penning a few extra demon-warding sutras. Even though it was nearly March, the nights remained chilly, and it felt good to stay within close range of the hot glow. Kirara too particularly seemed to enjoy it, and presently sat curled up like a cat against his thigh, her eyelids growing steadily heavier.
Having finished with the sutras, he reached into the sack that sat beside his bedroll and pulled out the pencil and notebook Kagome's mother let him have from their house. The wooden pencil, from Kagome's room, was bright pink with cute yellow ducks on it. The notebook had a fuzzy looking, large-eyed toy bear on the cover and some words written in large bubble letters he couldn't read but now recognized as English. He had decided to use the stationery to keep track of their movements as the search progressed. Heavily, he sighed as he opened to the first page to review what he'd written so far; just two weeks had passed, and he felt like it had already been eons since he'd held Sango.
A heavy wave of emotion rolled over him as he thought back to the morning after the wedding disaster. At the mere thought of it, the forlorn man absently reached down to gently scratch the soft, velvety ears of the cat-like demon at his leg. He supposed he wished to seek some comfort from the little creature who had always been so loyal to his dear wife. A moment of scratching appeared to have unsettled Kirara from her sleep though. In an unintended effect, she shortly thereafter rose with a yawn and prowled around the fire to see Rin and Kohaku instead. So sadly, Miroku was left alone again with memories of the last time he was with Sango. It had been unfortunately bitter and short.
He had been unable to relax after hours of fighting with her after the wedding disaster, though it was more like she had just been fighting him. He had sat by in mostly guilty silence, taking the torture of watching her fall apart over and over again at the potential of losing him. How ironic it was when he clearly felt so unworthy of her now, he had thought. Regardless, she had felt positively betrayed by him when he was forced to explain the whole truth about how he had essentially chosen to ransom Sesshomaru's life with his own. It made sense that she felt deserted by him. She had been made pregnant by him with not just one but two of his children, totally unplanned, probably mere days before he'd given up his life on what seemed like a whim in the retelling. And this he had done for one who'd tried to kill them and their friends on countless prior occasions and even brought death to their doorstep once again just the day before. It was definitely suicidal, he knew. That's how he'd tried to explain why he hadn't mentioned it sooner. He'd been in such deep denial of the horrible reality that he'd actually freed himself from one curse, Naraku's Windtunnel, only to be beset by a more insidious one that he'd practically chosen for himself. Who was that stupid, that negligent?
After Sango had grown too tired to continue screaming at and beating and crying on him and allowed him to finally hold her in his arms, Miroku had laid awake staring at the ceiling, thinking. As rosy light seeped through the blinds of Kagome's room where they'd slept, he watched his beloved breathe in and out softly in her sleep. He wanted to remember the sound, like calm ocean waves, and the gentle rise and fall of her chest and round stomach, where his tiny children lay hidden. Would he ever meet them? He didn't know. Even if he stayed alive in the next few months, if he couldn't save Sesshomaru, there was a chance it wouldn't matter at all. If Sesshomaru died suddenly—slaughtered, sick, suicidal, or just perished naturally—Miroku feared that the terms of the mysterious curse would make his life automatically forfeit too. It was all unknown: the forbidden sutras were applied so rarely that there existed hardly any literature on them, so they could be certain of nothing.
When at last he knew he could stall no longer, he sadly unwrapped himself from his beloved wife's embrace and went to wash. When he returned, he pulled his two sets of blue and purple vestments down from a shelf in Kagome's closet where she'd stored them for him. Moving with caution to be as silent as possible, he slid his arms through the loose shirt sleeves and stepped into the wide-legged trousers. Even after tucking in his shirt tails and tying the knots at the hips of the pants, he found his old clothes freer and baggier than he'd ever remembered. He supposed it was from wearing the modern, more form-fitting cloths Kagome had bought for him with Sango; he had forgotten how good and familiar his flowing, rough-spun silks had always felt. He was just tying the bow-knot on his shoulder that held up the wide length of fabric he always draped over his underclothes, when he heard the stir of the blankets.
Although he thought he had been quiet enough, Sango had woken up, and he realized that she had been watching him. The edges of her eyes still glowed red from the hours of tears they'd spilled the day before, and her expression was odd. Her face looked too tired to accurately hold any real emotion, but Miroku guessed that she was regarding him with worn resignation. "You're leaving," she stated tonelessly. Her voice was slightly scratchy, her throat still raw from overuse.
He tugged on the shoulder knot again and moved to sit beside her where she lay with her head on the pillows in bed. Not certain that she would take has hand willingly, he placed his open palm next to where her hand rested atop the sheets. To his relief, she took it but made no other moves to get closer to him. Instead she stayed resting on the pillows and looked up at him with a pained look like he'd just stabbed her with a knife himself. Did she not realize that he felt like he was the one being stabbed by hurting her so terribly? He never wanted to hurt her, but how could she ever trust him again?
"You know, I have to," he replied to her. "They can't stay here," he said, referring obviously to Sesshomaru more than Rin.
"And Sesshomaru and Inuyasha can't travel together," she said quietly, looking away from him toward the ceiling. Sango was quick. He'd been dreading explaining why he had to go so soon, but he should've realized that she would already have it figured out.
"Yes. I fear emotions will run even higher than yesterday when Sesshomaru finds out what's happened with Inuyasha and the Jewel. With the way things are now, someone's going to wind up dead, and it probably won't be Inuyasha…" he explained with a small effort at a bit of dark humor. Naturally, Sango didn't laugh, so he concluded, "I think it's in everyone's interest if I can at least put that revelation off for a while."
Sango remained quiet for a moment. As she sucked on her lower lip, he wondered whether she might start to cry again. It seemed her eyes had run dry though. Even so, her voice shook slightly when she spoke again: "And besides, Kagome and Inuyasha just finally got together – maybe they deserve a little happiness, don't they…"
The quiver in her voice told him that her remark about Kagome and Inuyasha's happiness was more than just a selfless wish for their friends. The way she looked resolutely away from him as she'd said it froze him straight to the core.
It wasn't just other people who deserved happiness, he wanted to tell her. He wanted to give her happiness too, but she knew he couldn't now. That's why what she had said had hurt so damn much.
It's got to be those "hormone-things" talking he had told himself, trying not let her taunt him into starting another fight. It had to be: normally, the Sango he knew could be so rational and understanding. What else would make her twist the blade in his heart like that?
Trying to forget the bitterness of her words, he instead leaned down to press a light kiss to her abdomen. He then moved up to kiss her lips, and she returned the gesture, though coldly. "In about a month, I'll try to come and check in on you all," he said after crossing the room to the door, to which she nodded silently. And that was that. She hadn't even said, "Goodbye."
After tearing himself from the bedroom, Miroku headed downstairs to find Mrs. Higurashi and Grandpa already awake and in the kitchen. He was deeply moved as Rina warmly offered him a steaming bowl of rice porridge and a cup of tea. She wore a slightly sleepy look but her smile was kind and forgiving. Following his icy parting with Sango, what he really needed was a little kindness at that moment, and so he allowed himself a few minutes to eat his breakfast in the kitchen with them.
From that morning on, Miroku believed he fully understood where Kagome had learned her general good-naturedness, as Rina and Grandpa Higurashi engaged him in polite and sincere conversation. Even while his wife had barely spared him a parting gaze, the two Higurashis still asked him caring and concerned questions as he explained his new plan for Sesshomaru and Rin - even after he had helped to level part of their home barely hours before.
"We'll be pretty glad to see them go, and Kagome will probably be secretly relieved when she finds out," said Mrs. Higurashi, sounding a little hesitant. "But won't Inuyasha be upset that you aren't consulting him about this first?" she inquired.
"Probably," Miroku conceded, looking over the edge of his teacup. "But he, or at least Kagome, should be able to guess the practical reasons fast enough… I hope."
"Well, when they come back, I'll keep him busy replacing that door for a bit for you," Grandpa added helpfully, smiling wryly as he jerked his thumb in the direction of the back door. Someone had nailed a bed sheet over it to keep bugs and some of the wind out. Unfortunately it didn't really keep the heat in. Miroku then noticed that it was actually quite brisk in the kitchen. Mrs. Higurashi and Grandpa were wearing their winter jackets at the breakfast table.
Soon after, he left the kitchen with another bowl of porridge and a cup of tea on a small plastic tray. On his way out, he remembered to thank the Higurashis heartily for taking care of Sango while he was gone. Then, climbing back up the stairs, he went to the room he and Sango normally shared. Carefully opening the door with one hand, he pushed it open, and walked in to find Sesshomaru lying in the middle of floor, just as they'd left him unconscious the night before. They'd moved him from Souta's room to this guestroom, since Kagome's room had already become taken up as their base of discussion immediately after the incident had finished. Stepping carefully around him as the prisoner's hands and feet were bound—they'd also laid him on his side with his back to the door— Miroku found Sesshomaru already awake.
There was a surreal but all-together obvious air of defeat about Sesshomaru. Miroku noticed that several bruises and small cuts around his eyes and mouth had swelled, bled, and crusted during the night. Miroku recalled the shadowy bruises that had leaked down around both of his own eyes, emanating from the enormous lump left by the slamming of the door against his forehead. It had not been a pretty sight when he'd gone into the bathroom that morning, but washing up a bit had made things seem better. For this reason, he decided to let Sesshomaru also take a trip to the bathroom to cleanse his own wounds in a bit. Not to mention, he was also still covered in drywall dust, with large patches of it in his hair and all over his frayed and torn hakama. The Higurashis' wonderful modern shower would fix at least part of that. First, though, they needed to talk.
To Miroku's surprise, his exchange with Sesshomaru went infinitely better than the one with Sango. Squatting down to face the prisoner with the bowl of porridge in hand as a peace offering, Miroku began, "I think we got off on the wrong foot yesterday." When the former demon lord still said nothing, Miroku set the bowl down on the tatami mats and pulled a pair of scissors he took from the kitchen from inside his sleeve. Once he'd snipped through the torn electrical cords they'd used to bind Sesshomaru's wrists and ankles, Miroku sat quietly back on his heels.
Slowly, Sesshomaru uncoiled his limbs and gradually took stock of each bruise and gash on his face, neck and arms. He winced slightly as his fingers eventually ran over what had to be a terrible welt on the back of his skull where Souta had smashed the radio. At last, he was delicately inspecting the rub marks on his wrists from the electrical cords, when he leaned his back against the drawers of the ancient rosewood dresser filled with old clothes that stood in a corner of the room. As he looked from the bowl of porridge and then up at Miroku, the monk also noticed that most of what should have been the white of his right eye was still stained a nasty looking shade of red. However, in comparison to the day before, he now looked far less menacing crumpled up against the huge, old piece of antique furniture.
"Where's Rin?" Sesshomaru asked first, surprising Miroku slightly. Although it really shouldn't have: what had he expected him to say first? "Sorry for trying to kill you," or "Thanks for the breakfast." No, neither of those were in Sesshomaru's character for him to say, he decided.
"She's alright. She's in the next room over. I'll wake her up next," Miroku replied, deciding he would indulge in question and answer time for a bit.
"And my half-brother?" Sesshoumaru asked further, still not touching his porridge.
Miroku hesitated a moment and then decided it would be easiest to stick to the truth as much as he could: "He went away with Kagome last night to celebrate their marriage."
"When will he be back?" he pressed on, obviously disinterested with the previous answer.
"Tomorrow," Miroku supplied, "but it doesn't matter because we're leaving today. So you might want to consider eating that. It'll be several hours before we see food again," he suggested, gesturing to the breakfast he'd brought.
This caused Sesshomaru to gaze at the bowlful of glutinous liquid again, but he was not to be distracted yet. "And Inuyasha knows we are leaving without him?"
Miroku tried to be smooth, as he side-stepped the question. "It's been decided that we will begin looking for your attacker first without him, so he'll have a little more time to spend with Kagome. Then, when we've got a better idea of its current location, Inuyasha will join us to help."
Sesshomaru let out a sigh that sounded a bit like "hn", whatever that meant… but despite looking unsatisfied with the answer, the Lord of the West picked up the cup of tea off the tray.
"And why should I go with you? And why should you help me?" he asked. Miroku sighed, Okay, here we go. He fortunately already sort of considered how he would respond to this. Since it would work much better if he didn't have to force anyone, he figured he was going to have to sell it to either Sesshomaru or possibly Rin, so he'd prepared.
Miroku drew a long breath and began: "You should go with me because I have every confidence that we can find your attacker. A demon strong enough to do what it did to you can't go long without its power being noticed by others. And when the time comes, Inuyasha will help us defeat it." At this, Miroku noticed Sesshomaru snuff amusedly into his cup of tea. If he only knew… Miroku thought. "Not to mention, Rin made a rather stirring plea for your life last night to Kagome and Inuyasha," he added. Had Sesshomaru gone a bit more still at the mention of the girl? He wondered and kept the reaction, though it was small and possibly meaningless, tucked away in his mind for further exploration later.
Remembering to stay focused on what he was saying, he moved on to his second point: "And I should help you because you're right about one thing: I do have some responsibility for the situation you're stuck in now. If I leave you like you are now, that's like leaving you only half alive, and I can't do that. It's not right to you or the borrowed souls I bound to you.
"And last, but not least," Miroku said, taking off his house slipper, "whether we like it or not, whatever one of us does now, it's bound to affect the other all the way to the Afterlife." Pointing at Sesshomaru's foot, Miroku watched as the former demon slowly turned it over and looked at the broken wheel shape on the bottom of his foot.
"Have you seen one before?" Miroku asked, gesturing to the curse marks.
"No, I have only heard of this kind of magic," Sesshomaru replied and moved his attention on to eating his porridge finally. "What does it mean?" he asked nonchalantly, like it was an average breakfast conversation. He picked up the bowl of food and inspected it momentarily before tasting the contents tentatively.
"Premature death and definitely eternal damnation, whenever our souls finally depart this world for the next," Miroku answered directly.
There. It's out there, Miroku had told himself. With this knowledge, Sesshomaru could still reach across and kill him now and still not give a damn that he'd cursed them both to Hell for Eternity. Miroku prayed that he wouldn't, though.
Sesshomaru took another sip of the sticky rice mixture and swallowed with a face that showed that he had no particular love for its taste. "I do not fear Hell, and clearly after yesterday, you should know I only welcome Death," he stated shortly, causing Miroku to grimace, but then he continued. "However, considering my failure yesterday, even Death and Hell seem to despise me. So I'll submit to your plans, since for now it seems I have no other choice."
Thank all the Saints! Miroku thought immediately.
"But I'm not at all optimistic about our recovery," Sesshomaru added.
Wet blanket, Miroku scowled inwardly, but he wouldn't let it get him down he decided. He needed something to celebrate, and Sesshomaru apparently deciding not to kill either of them for the moment seemed a good enough reason.
Without much else to discuss with Inuyasha's taciturn brother, Miroku left Sesshomaru with the remainder of his breakfast and promised to let him to clean up before they finally departed. Next, he had to visit Rin. Although she'd been in a feisty mood the day before, he figured talking her into leaving could be no worse than it had been with Sesshomaru. So with an extra small spring in his step, he was just about to let himself in the third bedroom where they'd left her, when the doorknob turned itself under his hand.
To his slight disorientation, he found himself face to face with Kohaku.
"I just gave Rin her breakfast and told her we intend to take Sesshomaru and her back through the well. She agreed immediately," the boy reported excitedly.
"'We intend'?" Miroku asked and began again, "Now hang on a sec—"
"Sis just told me she wants me to go with you guys," Kohaku said brightly, practically reading the newest concern on Miroku's mind.
"Oh," Miroku replied, feeling brought up short by how quickly that problem had resolved itself. It would certainly be good to have the boy along to help. "Alright, we'll leave in about an hour, I think. Could you make sure to kind of keep an eye on the bathroom when Sesshomaru goes to use it?" he asked.
"Sure!" Kohaku agreed before he scuttled off to do something else.
That was how they'd left Kagome's time. In the village they'd picked up Shippou, and then Miroku had gotten the idea to call for Hachi. With the initial addition of Kohaku, he'd gotten to thinking that the more allies they had the better, right?
The one big exception came on the third night of their travel.
Miroku had just finished doing some very minimal washing up at the side of a narrow, frigid little brook when a small, strange light flashed at him out of the darkness in the trees. Suddenly, he heard an odd, lurching sound like the sound of tree trunks bending over. In seconds, he only had time to grab his staff off the rocky bank and throw it between his hands to block his face. The dark shape in the trees moved and warped almost instantly. Before Miroku knew it, large, clawed digits were covering his and twisting the staff around in his grasp like it was nothing. Miroku felt the chill of the metal rings pressed against his throat, as they jingled chillingly in his ears. Then, he looked into the pair of golden orbs just inches from his own brown ones.
"Miss me, monk?" the demon asked, his eyes flashing devilishly again, like they had looking out from the trees a moment before.
"Inuyasha, shit—" Miroku panted, immediately recognizing him and sagging out of his friend's grip. "What the Hell! I didn't know what was out there!" he cursed angrily, still feeling frightened.
"Well, I was something that could've killed you, had I been trying. I won't tell Sango about it," he chuckled, though Miroku didn't find it at all funny.
"Yeah, well, just because you think you're all-powerful now and stuff doesn't mean you get to go around scaring the shit out of everyone," Miroku hissed, still rubbing his throat at the thought of having it slit by real predator.
"Okay, okay, sorry. I won't do it again," Inuyasha apologized quickly and folded his arms across his chest in his customary stance.
"Thanks, okay, it's alright…" Miroku said calming down before he asked, "How is she, by the way? Sango?"
'Not a big fan of yours at the moment, but she's fine. But Kagome and me have also been wondering: what would possess you to trade in your future family, even temporarily, for my mentally unbalanced brother?" he joked, but Miroku could tell this was why he'd come. This question was serious.
"Look, do you think the others have seen or heard you by any chance?" Miroku asked earnestly, choosing to ignore the previous question for a moment.
"No, I've been as quiet as a cat," the youkai replied somewhat snarkily. "So, what gives?"
"Look you know just as well as I do that if Sesshomaru sees you like this he's going to totally lose it all over again. In fact, I highly suspect he'd even try to blame you for stealing his powers," Miroku explained.
"What?" Inuyasha spluttered defensively. "Kagome said the same thing! But you know that's impossible! I had nuthin' to do with what happened to him! Kaede can tell him, any of the villagers can tell him, Kagome knows—"
"I know, I know," Miroku said immediately to calm down his friend. "We counted the days several times together, remember? There's absolutely no way that the timing lines up, so there's no rational way of even suggesting that it was a coincidence. But Sesshomaru's just looking for people blame right now. Even just finding out that you've gone full demon is gonna make you the perfect target of his ire."
"Idiot," Inuyasha said under his breath, and Miroku realized the insult had to be for Sesshomaru. "Maybe you're right, monk… But there is another thing: I actually recently made a promise to someone really important that I would personally protect the maniacal jerk."
Miroku furrowed his brow and tried to think who in the world would ask such a thing, and then it hit him: "Your father," he said. Inuyasha had mentioned only briefly his meeting with his parents in the spirit world, but Miroku had remembered it well. He had thought that, one day, he hoped he might have a chance to talk to his own father again or possibly meet his mother…
"Bingo," Inuyasha replied cryptically, to which Miroku made a face, forcing him to explain. "Kagome says it sometimes. She says it means 'you're right' or something like that..."
"Well, promise or no promise," Miroku forged forth, "you've got to admit you're not the best one right now to be in close contact with your brother."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm starting to see that more clearly," Inuyasha said running one clawed hand through the snowy hair at the top of his head. Miroku had begun to see that it had become something of an involuntary gesture with him. Inuyasha had recently explained that sometimes when he moved close to a mirror or standing water when he was visiting the Sengoku period, he'd go to have a look, half expecting to see that his dog ears had come back. It was obvious that he still feared that the transformation had never really taken place at all, that is was really just some kind of dream.
"But that doesn't mean I can't help you guys at all," Inuyasha continued. "Whether I stayed to travel you with you all or not, I was also on my way to see Totosai about some new demonic armor."
Miroku felt his eyebrows go up at the mention of the armor. Inuyasha had never worn armor before, and he wondered what kind he would get from the old smith. Without thinking, he immediately pictured him wearing a breast-plate and spiked shoulder guard exactly like the ones Sesshomaru had always worn. Since Inuyasha had become a full-fledged demon in the Sengoku period, he now even had a white pelt like Sesshomaru had had, except that Inuyasha's appeared much shorter and softer. It also wrapped around his left shoulder and hung in more of a curl over his chest. Demon markings dashed across his face in jagged bolts of bright purple too, a little similar to his brother's. The resemblance between the brothers would be definitely strong if Inuyasha's hair were longer, and he began to dress more like Sesshomaru. That is, if they got Sesshomaru's soul back…
Inuyasha went on talking: "That also means I can head West ahead of you, and ask the old man if he's heard anything suspicious about a new demon in the region."
"Good, that would be a big help," Miroku thanked him, feeling relieved that Inuyasha was agreeing not to hang around after all. In fact, at that time Miroku had already calculated that he had just less than seventeen or eighteen weeks to sort Sesshomaru out before he needed to be permanently back with Sango for the twins' birth. He couldn't risk losing any precious time to the constant squabbling that was likely to ensue if he and Sesshomaru were allowed to clash day in and day out.
"Look, Miroku," Inuyasha began, leaning back against the trunk of a twisted tree. "I actually appreciate what you're doing for me as well as Sesshomaru. I suppose Sesshomaru can keep his fantasy that he's the only major inuyoukai for a while longer, but besides that, I'm grateful to have more time to spend with Kagome. When Sesshomaru showed up and did what he did at the wedding I thought for sure that it'd be the beginning of the end of our marriage. That Kagome would either be so angry or that we would get so wrapped up in my brother's problems that we'd have no time for ourselves… The fact that you're doing this… well, it's really big… and we—I appreciate it."
"It's okay, but thanks for saying that," Miroku murmured. He was a little surprised to find a small lump in his throat at such rare and warm words from his normally gruff friend. He had been grateful to be Inuyasha's friend before, but he was now even more so as he kept finding that Inuyasha really had changed a lot in the past few months, inside and out.
"Nah," Inuyasha said shaking his head as if to sweep away Miroku's gratitude. Then, kicking away from the knotted little tree at his back, he added, "And in the meantime, don't worry about Sango. Kagome and her family obviously love her like a like a second daughter, and I won't let a thing happen to her or your kids."
"Thanks, Inuyasha, you don't know what that means," Miroku replied, trying to look casual as he rubbed at a tear in his eye. "I'm glad you guys are there for her, because just like you can't be with your brother right now, I don't think Sango wants me near her right now either," he finished, sounding more downcast than he'd planned.
"Maybe, but you know it's not gonna last," Inuyasha told him as he moved closer to Miroku. Then, he clapped him roughly on the shoulder and grinning roguishly said, "Women are always mad about something, so don't worry. It'll be something else before you know it!"
Miroku couldn't help but laugh, even if it was a little weakly. It was odd being comforted by Inuyasha, who had hardly ever been the master of genteel behavior before. He had to admit that it had done the trick, though, and they stood laughing a bit more. Finally, Inuyasha turned to disappear back into the forest, but before he left, he'd assured Miroku once again, "We got this." And at that moment, Miroku had believed him. Then nearly as soundlessly as the youkai had come, he was gone.
However, now nearly two weeks after his discussion beside the brook with Inuyasha, Miroku realized he had only roughly fifteen or sixteen weeks left and to go. He found his resolve flagging regularly, and at the moment, they appeared to be no closer to their goal at all. He desperately hoped that Inuyasha was finding out something in his travels…
Miroku just had to find a way to fix this. He couldn't let everyone down, he sighed to himself.
Most evenings of the trip had been like this so far: the others chatting and laughing at the fireside while Miroku mentally harangued himself and struggled to figure how he could possibly make things right again. That was when he wished most that he could have allowed Inuyasha to stay with them. As brusque and brash as the demon still was, he was definitely Miroku's closest friend besides, of course, Sango and then Kagome. It was at night, when he sat planning their strategy, that he found himself filled with the most dread and doubt. While Kirara stayed by his side most of the time, he felt like he needed someone to talk to when things got rough. Kohaku and Rin and Hachi and Shippou paired off with each other during most of the day's ride and again around the camp fire at night. Despite knowing that they would welcome him in their conversations easily enough, he still wound up at loose ends along with Sesshomaru.
Initially, he had tried talking with Sesshomaru a bit. He had felt that it would be nice to try. Who knew? Perhaps the Western Lord might have felt a little starved for conversation too, he thought, especially since Rin seemed to be shunning him.
So once, when the road had widened enough, Miroku had ridden up alongside Sesshomaru and commented happily, "Mm, well isn't the sky blue today!"
Sesshomaru's expression had been unreadable for a moment, and Miroku had wondered whether he might not respond at all. But then he replied curtly, "It was yesterday too."
Shocked both at getting a response and the response itself, Miroku had let the conversation rest there. Had Sesshomaru suddenly grown a sense of humor? Or had he always had one that they did not know about before? Or was it simply a witty way of thwarting further conversation?
Miroku determined soon after that it must have been the last, as his comments to Sesshomaru over the following day and a half were all quickly terminated with the Western Lord's habitual "hns".
So Miroku got used to making the next day's plans on his own. However, always finding Rin and Kohaku wrapped up in animated conversation with each other and Sesshomaru totally disinterested in nearly everything, he began to feel like the only one who cared about saving the former demon.
Oh well, he reminded himself. Save Sesshomaru, save yourself, go back to your family. That was reason enough for him to keep pushing forward.
After sharpening the duck pencil – Ah, what an ingenious invention, much more convenient than ink and brush during travel! he reveled slightly, trying to be grateful for the little things—Miroku began to record their whereabouts for that day on the next fresh page. He was about to move on to the plan for tomorrow, when an eerie, high-pitched sound radiated through the air, soon joined by a matching tone of the same frequency.
Wolves, Miroku thought. He listened as several more joined the others in their spooky song, until Miroku was sure that there had to be more than twenty or thirty together. They were far enough away by the sounds of it, but their sheer number was enough to make Miroku hope they didn't come any closer.
"Wow, that's really weird: you don't normally hear that many wolves calling together at once," Kohaku commented at about the same time.
"And I didn't think there were that many of wolves in this region," Shippou added, as the animals continued their group call.
"Uh-huh," Hachi agreed with an obvious shiver.
Kirara remained silent but with her head warily lowered and her ears angled back and twitching constantly, as she listened to the sound.
"Rin, are you okay?" Miroku heard Kohaku ask over the noise of the wolves. He then looked across the top of the fire's flames at the girl. Rin's face was frozen in a look of pure anxiety. She appeared completely transfixed, as she obviously heard only the sound of the howling. Miroku finally looked away from the girl when Kohaku moved beside her to see what the matter was.
"I wonder what would cause them to come together like that," Miroku questioned softly, more to himself than the others.
"Or who," came a voice. Miroku looked up and over to see that Sesshomaru had sat up against the tree again. His eyes were still closed, but before he had been lying down with his back to them all. Miroku had thought Sesshomaru was asleep. He was just beginning to think he still was, when the man with the long, dark grey hair practically covering his profile spoke again: "The kitsune's right – there were never that many wolves here before."
Feeling a little speechless, Miroku just nodded lamely. They all listened for another minute until at last the sound of the wolves finally died down. Miroku felt sure that probably none of them would sleep soundly that night.
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Notes: Hey guys! My goodness it's been a while! Unfortunately, I'm in the process of changing location again. Things have been extra busy lately so writing has been a slower process than usual, but I should be resettled again in a month and have some more good stuff for you then. For the moment, here's a nice big chapter to help catch you all up on what our heroes have been up to. I thought of so many ways of introducing this chapter and even considered giving you all more of the wedding night after the calamity over Sesshomaru finished, since those scenes were so popular—thanks for all the compliments! But I realized that it had been a while since we heard much from Miroku's perspective, and so here's our chapter!
Enjoy reading! Much gratitude for all of you who have reviewed, followed, and favorited as always! Happy Saturday! Origamikungfu.
Edited 1 July 2014 and 17 September 2014: Hey all, thanks to a comment from hon-kyogen on this chapter, I've gone back and cleaned up a few incorrect details. I also caught a few other minor problems and added Kirara to Miroku's merry little band - I always intended that she be there for plot reasons, but sadly forgot to mention her prior to the latest edit!