Dying to Live
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi, but as always, I do claim all the unique plot and original characters as mine.
Moments after Headman Kuga and then Miroku stood up from their lunch table, the monk watched with some amusement as Sesshomaru stalked toward him.
Miroku and Kuga had remained seated talking for a while after the others had all gotten up and gone off elsewhere. Rin had gone to talk with some of the village girls who were working on handicrafts by the fireside. Kohaku had offered to survey the surrounding forest in preparation for their stake-out later that night.
As Sesshomaru had been the first to leave them, Miroku had kept a special eye on him. Out of the corner of his eye he had watched the tall, slightly wild-looking man skulk around the outskirts of the fire for a while. Slowly back and forth, he had prowled like a tiger, pacing and watching Miroku and Kuga like prey.
For weeks of dead-eyed lethargy for life, the former Lord of the West was presently fixated on something. He now approached Miroku, a definite spark in eyes.
"Sesshomaru," Miroku greeted Inuyasha's brother, quirking an eyebrow in interest. The monk stood waiting in great anticipation for whatever it was the man-of-so-few-words had waited to say.
Stopping barely more than an arm's length away, Miroku's somewhat-terrifying charge straightened his back and inclined his head. His hair which usually hung tangled, like a curtain around his face, now fell back and exposed his now-mortal-though-still-marble-like features.
With his nose pointed toward the sky, Sesshomaru rolled his eyes downward to look at the monk; the effect was quite impressive. Miroku even guessed that this intimidating pose was a well-studied one with him. He even felt sure that he had seen him use it on Jaken once before. However, Miroku wasn't about melt on command under Sesshomaru's gaze.
Resisting a sigh, the monk crossed his arms and slid his hands inside his long sleeves. The ex-daiyoukai dramatically took his time to speak. Now, this was a glint of the Sesshomaru they had all encountered so many times in the past, the monk thought. He curiously wondered where this side of him had been buried away.
Evidently satisfied that he had the monk's attention, the ex-demon lord ominously pronounced in his deep monotone, "We should leave this place. Now."
Unable to keep it in a moment more, Miroku let his pent-up sigh go and laughed. "Oh is that all?" he asked, causing a noticeable twitch in Sesshomaru's left brow.
"Well, it's a bit late now," Miroku breathed in amusement. "We've already promised to help and accepted some of these kind people's limited rations. Speaking of which, I noticed the way you 'lost' some of yours under the table…" he joked darkly. Sesshomaru's eyes widened slightly. He was evidently surprised at the boldness of the accusation. Only an honest accusation, Miroku thought and couldn't help but feel smug at catching the former demonic noble off-guard for once…
The taller man's features settled quickly back into bored placidity, though. "Your sudden and pious dedication to vegetarianism and deception inspired me," Sesshomaru returned the barb neatly.
Surprising even himself, Miroku couldn't help but smile at that. There it was, the monk mused: There's that strange, dry sense of humor again.
Yet, Inuyasha's brother hadn't meant to be funny, Miroku knew that. For as the look of humor endured on Miroku's face, Sesshomaru's expression fell as rapidly as snow in an avalanche.
Miroku decided it would be wise to spare the horribly serious man further embarrassment. The monk reminded himself that he had to keep Sesshomaru at least minimally happy as long as the Soul-Binding Sutra kept their fates knotted together… Darling Sango, your husband will be good, I swear it, Miroku promised in silent reminder to himself.
"Ah well, you caught me there," Miroku admitted, holding up a yielding hand, though he guessed he still sounded more sly than apologetic. Sesshomaru still looked deeply unamused.
"So then, you admit that you are a liar?" Sesshomaru asked stiffly. Having lowered his head, he now pinned Miroku with a bellicose look.
"No, not entirely, but don't you think I might seem a little less capable as an exorcist if the villagers knew me to be both meat-eater and a former philanderer?" Miroku posed, holding up his hand, a tiny space between his index finger and thumb for visual emphasis; Sesshomaru had to see his point in the inanity of the question.
Inuyasha's half-brother merely narrowed his eyes at Miroku as if he was studying some strange insect. "Hn: you are and were." he replied shortly.
Ah. Miroku chuckled wearily. Despite being unintentionally laughable from time-to-time, Sesshomaru had yet to develop a true sensitivity for other people's sarcasm. Shutting his eyes, Miroku wiped his hand over his face in frustration. He willed himself to think how best to get Sesshomaru's cooperation.
Come to think of it… this conversation had started to remind him of some of the more frustrating disagreements he'd had with Inuyasha during the first couple years they had traveled all together. Like Sesshomaru was being now, at the beginning, Inuyasha could be stubbornly immoveable and downright dull. At times, he'd seemed entirely unable to understand the usefulness of social niceties and relationship building. Truly, it had been a labor of love on the part of Miroku, Sango, and (how many times had Inuyasha popped the kitsune for it?) Shippou. But mainly, it had been Kagome who had proven to their hardened, hanyou friend the mutual benefits of caring a bit about other people.
While Inuyasha had occasionally frustrated them all to no end with his intractability, they had realized early on it was mostly just a tough exterior he put on for protection. Now, six years later, they all knew Inuyasha was actually a big softy. But Miroku worried about Sesshomaru… Did the guy even have a heart to melt?
"Consider it an image thing, to stir up a little good will for us while we're here." He thought if he revealed it to be a matter of the larger strategy, Sesshomaru might grasp the idea faster. Besides that, Miroku had yet to reveal to Sesshomaru his real reason for looking more closely into Harumura Village's problem more closely…
"This is consequential to the original point?" Sesshomaru asked him flatly, this time coolly resisting Miroku's verbal snare.
Yes, this was the problem with Sesshomaru: it's always all about him and his agenda, Miroku reminded himself, forgetting what else he had wanted to tell Sesshomaru.
Well, Miroku could be stubborn too: the Buddhist monk who helped defeat the evil Naraku didn't bend for just anyone! (His wife being the prime exception of course…) Rather it struck Miroku suddenly that he was going to make Sesshomaru learn a lesson on his own.
Give me strength, for my wife and children, Miroku prayed, as he put on a mischievous smile.
"Ah, well Sesshomaru, I regret that I must reject your proposal," Miroku delivered his message, ignoring the dangerous look on Sesshomaru's stony face. Gaining courage, he took Sesshomaru firmly by his elbow to maneuver him in the direction he wished to send him. Buddha of Light and Wisdom, let me put Inuyasha's brother on the right path, he sent up in further entreaty.
The monk continued with more confidence than he felt: "We will not be leaving today. So I suggest that you take a walk. Get to know a bit about the village's people since you will be locked in the village hall with them for the entirety of the night."
Sesshomaru was suddenly uncharacteristically red-faced as he looked disgustedly from Miroku toward the main street that ran out of sight through the rest of the village huts.
Miroku, managed to walk with him a few steps for good measure. "Yes, yes, that's the way," the monk encouraged, before releasing him and clapping him on the back. "I'll be off to see the village sick if you need me. Have a nice stroll but don't wander too far!" Miroku wished and purposely strode in the opposite direction before Sesshomaru could say another word.
Sesshomaru can wait to hear my suspicions until tomorrow when I've had a chance to confirm some of them. For now, a little waiting will be good for him, Miroku thought, still feeling merry about his clever management of Sesshomaru as he went away to find the village infirmary.
:
Sono baka, Sesshomaru thought angrily, as the damnable monk strode away. The Buddhist had completely ignored his warning! In fact, he had made light of the whole conversation! Was he deaf, dumb, or both? Sesshomaru wished to demand of anyone who would listen about his half-brother's idiotic lackey.
Despite his irritation, Sesshomaru did in fact begin to walk. Because, really what else was there to do in such a dead-end place for one such as him… or such as who he had been?
Sesshomaru released a low growl under his breath. And telling him not to 'wander too far'! Given that he had long since figured out that the monk and he most likely held the keys to each other's shared fates, the Buddhist ought to worry more about Sesshomaru running off and getting himself killed!
However, Sesshomaru had already tried that and with poor enough results that he wouldn't try again too hastily. Actually, in plotting future possible ways to terminate his undesirable life during the many hours of mindless travel he'd recently endured, Sesshomaru realized that his problems would be far worse if he wound up only maimed or crippled in a failed suicide attempt. Hn, best not to test fate again too soon, he'd determined.
Still, I could easily disappear into the forest right now! Sesshomaru thought indignantly, his ire raised an extra notch as two boys and a dog cut dangerously close to him, crossing his path in a game of tag.
He had had it up to here with the contemptible humans!
And yet, despite it being according to some larger Force that Sesshomaru, former Demon Lord of the West, couldn't simply die at this time, he also couldn't just disappear. No: unfinished business remained.
To walk into the forest and disappear meant leaving Rin, which he had recently decided seemed somehow unjust, though he hadn't fully reasoned out why.
True: all she had ever done for him was follow him around for the last six years, and he supposed "cared" for him twice (though quite disastrously on the most recent occasion). Even if he could regard her as his loyal servant for these reasons, Jaken and Ah-Un had also been with him for hundreds of years. He hadn't done anything for them.
Though neither Jaken nor Ah-Un were here with him now…
Hn.
Perhaps it was that Rin had been most loyal to him, even if she had not been particularly useful, that he wanted to ensure her safety one last time before his Final Departure.
Leaving her in the middle of a place plagued by demonically possessed wolves was exactly not what he had in mind.
Of all things, he simmered bitterly. We finally reach another village, and it must be crawling with that particular breed of pest! He couldn't stand it.
No, definitely he couldn't abandon Rin here. Even though the girl didn't talk to him and even totally ignored him now, he wouldn't let her come to harm.
In fact, when Sesshomaru thought about it more, it was good—more than that—it was only natural and entirely for the best that Rin want nothing to do with him. Now that he wasn't fit as a real protector for her, they truly had no business together beyond this last duty he had to her.
Yes: it was lucky that she had witnessed the extent of his newly self-destructive desires at the wedding. That's right, Sesshomaru thought, Now, she wishes to be out of my company. It'll be that much easier to leave the girl behind when a suitable place comes along.
But who was he trying to convince? He had planned to do all this before, right down to buying her beautiful, dignified-looking new clothes that she could keep with her for years to come!
The cursed wench! Sesshomaru thought, a weird, uncomfortable heat in his belly continuing to build. He had begun to feel the strange sensation more and more often when he thought of the girl. He didn't like it. Sesshomaru tried to think of her less, but sometimes it was unavoidable.
If she had just stayed in the village when I'd left for the cur's wedding! Didn't she realize she could've stayed safe and led a normal life… even if it had been directly in his frequently-bumbling half-brother's domain?
And Inuyasha, that damned fool. The git had once even vowed to kill Sesshomaru if given the chance. Yet he'd failed to strike the fatal blow when it really mattered. Really, Sesshomaru couldn't have made the decision for the hanyou to do it any clearer or easier: Sesshomaru had threatened his closest friend and his bitch, and for that Sesshomaru had deserved to die by Inuyasha's own hand!
But soft in the heart as much as he was in the head, Inuyasha had hesitated. And then the girl had gotten completely in the way…
So the rest was history: now they were stuck in a far off village, Rin's new clothes already dirtied and frayed, AND they were plagued by the same creatures that had cemented Sesshomaru's whole association with the odd little human in the first place. Moreover, Sesshomaru recognized that leaving Rin here alone with such feeble protectors as the rascally monk and his crew would be the same as if he had left her for dead from the start. Sesshomaru snarled to himself at the irony.
He sighed and for the first time in minutes looked around at the place his feet had taken him. Where had he gone? His legs must have been moving faster due his frustrated thoughts than he had realized. To this right and left, he saw huts with busted-in doors and deep gouge marks carved into the wooden doorframes. Of what did the sight remind him?
SCREEEEEE!
The high-pitched wail sent him flying, as he jumped back a step and looked about for the source.
To his right, his sight landed upon a young girl exiting one of the huts only about fifty paces away. The sound must have come from a squeaky hinge on the door, which also bore the ubiquitous, terrible scratch marks all up and down its wooden grain. Someone had hastily patched what must have been a hole smashed through the door beneath the latch and beside the jamb. A filthy overstuffed satchel hung from the girl's shoulder. She looked at him with wide, quizzical eyes.
Pushing a thick clump of dark hair back from her smudged but otherwise milky white brow, she spoke first: "Y-ye: ye're one of the people… with the exorcist." She pointed weakly in his direction. "Aren't ye?" she asked again.
Still startled to find someone exiting a house in this part of the village that looked otherwise so deserted, Sesshomaru demurred and responded haltingly, "H-hai."
She regarded him another moment before dropping her hold of the hut's front door latch and turning his way. Her hair was drenched and starting to curl as it dried. She must've gotten caught in the earlier afternoon rain on her away to the house. Sesshomaru remained frozen in the street, just a short way from where she stood.
"D'ye need someth'n'?" she questioned more clearly, now regarding him full-on where he stood, essentially at the end of her walk.
"Investigating the state of the village," he remarked, keeping his voice deep and reassuring. You are Lord Sesshomaru at this moment, he told himself, wishing to draw on his former confidence, though it felt like what he mustered now was only a cheap version of it.
"Ah sou da," the girl replied, raking a hand through her dark hair. "D'ye think yer friend ken help us?" she asked plainly, though Sesshomaru was taken aback at the question.
He had no confidence in the monk what-so-ever. How was he to answer?
"It's to be seen," he answered cryptically.
"Oh," the human replied simply. "Would it help if ye saw the house?" she questioned most naturally.
He paused. "It's yours?" he indicated the hut behind her.
"Ee, it is," she affirmed. "Kitte okudasai!" she said swiping her hand toward the door in a beckoning gesture.
Sesshomaru looked around. He hadn't expected to run into anyone, and he didn't know whether he felt like talking. How could he avoid entering now that he'd begun, though?
"Are ye comin'?" the girl asked again, pushing the door open.
Seeing no other option, Sesshomaru walked up the pathway toward her. As he followed, they stepped up into the dark shadows inside the humble structure. As soon as they were inside, a funny, scratchy feeling rose in his throat. A loud cough exploded from him, and a familiar pinch around the recently recovered muscles in his chest made his head swim for a moment. Impulsively, Sesshomaru doubled-over, and his long hair slipped over his shoulders toward the floor. He hated how weak he could feel in an instant.
"Oh! Daijoubu?" the rustic young woman asked, smacking his back roughly as he forced the dust from his lungs. He feared the specter of hyperventilation if he didn't control the spasm quickly. Thankfully the fit passed within a few minutes. Finally uncrumpling his body, Sesshomaru took a look around, though he kept his sleeve protectively held to his nose and mouth.
Dust particles visibly floated up in the dim, grey light coming from the doorway. In the modest fire pit, old ash sat in a pile under a blackened pot. A heap of mottled rags were pushed into a far corner. Then he noticed the unusually large quantity of straw scattered all over the floor and clumped in heaps here and there.
"Several nights ago, they tore up the beddin' and mattresses," the home owner offered, seeing where his vision lingered. "The demons," she added, her brows and lips drawn into two, tight and frustrated lines across her face.
She didn't need to explain further. Sesshomaru already understood the situation well. Whatever was driving these strange wolf demons, he felt sure they were looking for souls to devour, probably for energy. Very typical among weaker youkai who didn't have strong youki themselves, he noted. The demonic wolves had probably sniffed out the inhabitants' soul signature all over the blankets and straw mats.
"Do you live here alone?" he asked. He wondered how the girl's age compared with Rin's. He was no expert in human age appearances, so he couldn't be sure.
"No, I take care of my younger brother. He's ten this year. I'm fifteen," she replied, conveniently answering both of his questions.
"Your parents?" The words tumbled from his mouth, in spite of the nagging awareness that he didn't normally approve of concerning himself with beings he didn't know.
"They're gone. Mother died of illness when we were young. Father's away," she stated rigidly.
Already being uncreative in most conversations, even the easy ones, Sesshomaru was at a loss for further words.
"Have ye seen enough?" she wanted to know after a moment, an awkward look on her face. I really have no need to talk to her, he thought again, understanding the gaps he was creating in the conversation were making her uncomfortable.
"Hn," he replied, glad to make an escape from the crowded hut. She led him back outside and latched the door. Turning toward him again on the front path, she introduced herself. "Hey, my name's Tsukiko. My father said they named me that 'cause my face was round 'n' white like the moon ev'n when I was small. Ye can 'member it tha' way. What 'bout ye?"
"Sesshomaru. It means… chotto…"he returned and suddenly let the thought hang as he thought of the meaning of his name. "Killing Perfection" sounded somehow too… menacing right then.
"Ses-sho-ma-ru-san… Ah, so long…" she observed of the four syllables, while squinting sweetly and pressing a shy finger to her cheek. He felt relieved that she didn't seem interested in how to write it, but then it struck him that she might not even know how to read let alone write.
Her rough countryside cadence broke back into his consciousness: "Ken I call ye 'Sessho-san'?" she requested.
He was just about to say, 'no', when she carried on.
"Sessho-san, how did ye and yer friends find our village?" she wondered aloud.
Sesshomaru cringed at the nickname, but still replied: "Passing through."
Tsukiko watched him through two large, bright brown eyes. She seemed burdened by the things she kept in the satchel hanging off her shoulder, but she remained upbeat and kept walking. "Well, glad you 'passed through'," Tsukiko smiled, revealing slightly crooked but fairly white teeth. Studying her out of the corner of his eye, Sesshomaru decided she might have had a frivolous cuteness about her that human males, like the lecherous monk, seemed to like. Sesshomaru equated this human feminine quality to the kind of non-threatening, vulnerable look that made small woodland animals good prey for larger predators.
Honestly, Sesshomaru was losing interest in the conversation, but still he mumbled "Mmm," trying to be slightly agreeable. Tsukiko had taken the time to talk to him after all, and if he had to be trapped here, Sesshomaru was a bit curious about what exactly afflicted the place. "What do you have in your bag?" he wanted to know, his eyes falling absently upon her load.
By the way she blinked her eyes at the question, he wondered if it had seemed too sudden for him to ask. Was it something very personal? Should he tell her it didn't matter whether she told him?
"Oh," she began. "Well, Sessho-san, since ye've already come inside our home with me, and we've already been talkin' for several minutes— and ye look like good person— I s'pose ye ken know," she beamed at him again.
'Look like a good person'? Sesshomaru thought. He was indignant for the girl at her own naiveté: how can anyone look like a good person he wanted to know? For having so few natural defenses, the humans could be so illogical in their processes.
Still, Tsukiko had stopped and pulled back the top flap of the bag. She motioned for him to come closer. Figuring that the innocent, young thing would probably tell him whether he looked or not at this point, he leaned in closer to see.
It was hard to tell with everything stuffed together, but he notice the end of a dark colored piece of wood, some badly wrinkled bundles of cloth, and part of a smaller burlap sack. The young woman closed the bag. They resumed walking, and she started to explain the articles inside.
"These are some of the only things that the wolves left untouched," Tsukiko began softly, looking away from him, as if it was hard for her to tell him, but she continued to speak. "Maybe 'cause no one's touched 'em in so long. At least that's the idea o' some of the villagers— that the wolves only go after things that people've touched recently… 'cause they're looking for those people," she finished gloomily.
"They're right," he interjected and suddenly she was looking at him again, rather than just gazing off in sadness. "They're right," he repeated. "But the wolves aren't just looking for certain people. They want anything that has a strong soul that they can devour."
Fright and then awe passed over Tsukiko's face at the revelation which seemed so simple to Sesshomaru. She forgot entirely about the contents of her bag. "Wow, ye and yer friends mus' be brave t'know so much! The shaman and his wife didn't even last a day!" she exclaimed excitedly, to which Sesshomaru gave her an inquisitive brow lift.
"Oh, yea, after the wolves actually snatched a baby, the first one —," Tsukiko cringed visibly at the mention of it, and Sesshomaru remembered the rage on Akio-kun's young face, "—Haruo-ojisan sent word to the shaman 'n' his wife who lived in the woods 'tween our village an' the next. Whenever anyone was sick 'ere, we used to make the half-day's journey to their house, and they had all kinds of healin' herbs and special treatments to give people that made 'em feel better.
"We really believed in 'em. So when the shaman and his wife came to the village to help us find the source of the problem, everyone rejoiced! They would know what ta do! We believed." Here, Tsukiko smiled, but the expression didn't reach her eyes like before. Sesshomaru felt that something bad was coming in her story, and so he was unusually compelled to hear more. He already felt sure that the weakling shaman had probably been ineffectual, as the majority of them were in demonic matters. But he didn't interrupt to tell her this.
They had returned to the fire pit by the village hall, so Tsukiko lowered her bag to the ground and moved closer to the fireside. Quaintly, she patted her face and rubbed her hands together in the warmth. Sesshomaru stood beside her with his arms crossed, waiting intently to hear more. He was now less bored with what she had to say.
Tsukiko continued, the orange glow of the flames playing off her features: "By the time that the man 'n' 'is wife reached the center of town, in fact tha' very spot"—the girl indicated a place only several paces away, right in front of the village hall— "they began to act very strangely, people said. They barely said anything as Haruo-ojisan led them to talk to the grievin' mother. They went to 'er hut where the snatchin'd happened, but those who saw it said the couple refused to touch anything, as if they were in a sick-house, y'know where someone'd died of a fever. After that, we offered 'em lunch—I was there for that— but they didn't touch a thing.
Here the girl sighed and licked her lips nervously, as if retelling the next part of the story was a burden. "At last, Haruo-ojisan and several young men led them to the houses that'd been discovered burnt down outside o' the village. Everyone had rode their horses out to see the damage. When they reached the highway trader's home, people said the shaman's wife started to cry, and the shaman 'imself shouted 'This place is touched with a terrible curse!' The young men with Haruo-ojisan said the shaman's eyes were red and bulged like a demon's. He commanded Haruo-ojisan to make everyone leave the village and to burn all of our houses too. After that, the shaman and his wife refused to return to the village. Haruo-ojisan pled with them, but they fled quickly into the forest away from the village. No one has seen 'em since. They even abandoned their home…"
Falling silent, Tsukiko stared sullenly into the flames dancing up from the fire pit. Beside her, Sesshomaru sat very quietly. He figured someone else might know some comforting words to tell her after hearing such a dismal tale, but Sesshomaru only wondered one thing.
"Why didn't you just do as they said?" he asked, jolting Tsukiko back to the present moment.
She looked thunderstruck as her thick black lashes snapped back, her eyes opened wide. "Ye mean pack up our things and burn down our homes?! How could we?" she spluttered in alarm. She even looked sort of angry at the suggestion.
Sesshomaru couldn't account for her shock, though, so he explained the reason for his question. "You said that you believed in the shaman and his wife in every other matter before this. Why did you ignore their advice even when they themselves fled?"
"All the men—all our men— how would they ever find us?" she questioned accusingly.
Sesshomaru didn't like the way her tone made him feel like he had said something foolish. "What do you mean?" he demanded, his brows pinching together.
Tsukiko's face was flushed now, and Sesshomaru guessed it was more from the heat of their words than the fire. She recoiled and opened her mouth in what looked like it would be a sharp retort, when suddenly she clamped her lips shut. Pressing the fingers of one hand firmly to her mouth, she immediately looked away from him. He heard her draw a ragged breath.
Caught off guard at this sudden change in the girl's temper, the anger ran out of Sesshomaru just as instantly. Not knowing what had come over either of them, he lifted a hand to touch her. "Eto—" he began hesitantly, his fingers hovered only inches from Tsukiko's shoulder, when she turned back to look at him.
Sesshomaru dropped his outstretched hand instantly. He clenched his possessed hand uncomfortably behind his back and out of sight as he looked up at Tsukiko.
As soon as he met her gaze, though, he wished he could look away. There was a weird glassy quality to her eyes as she pinned him in her sights. She looked weary and emotionally exposed, greatly altered from the bright, upbeat girl she'd been minutes ago.
Something contracted deep in Sesshomaru's stomach, some part of himself he'd never flexed before. Tsukiko breathed deeply. Sesshomaru regarded her closely now, nursing a conflicted sense of fight or flight. How did I get sucked into this? he panicked, looking into her damp eyes.
Tsukiko dropped her upper-body into a low bow.
"G-gomenasai gozaimasu," she said shakily with her face still completely parallel to the ground. "I-I shouldn't speak to ye l-like that. P-please f-forgive me."
As former Ruler of the Western Lands, Sesshomaru had never felt uncomfortable to be bowed at before.
Now things were somehow different… He felt hot and immediately wished she'd stop. "D-don't," Sesshomaru said. He repeated the word again more loudly when she didn't move.
At last, Tsukiko craned her neck to look up at him. If Sesshomaru couldn't have seen himself, he wouldn't have believed how flush his face had gone. Seeing his embarrassment, Tsukiko quickly straightened up and blushed furiously herself.
"I've made ye so uncomfortable," she said sheepishly. "I jus' didn't mean t' get so upset, fer a moment I thought ye might get yer friends an' leave. Ye won't leave, right?" she begged, daring to look at him directly again.
"No," he replied firmly, praying that would re-stabilize the conversation.
"Good," she said smiling weakly, her fears apparently assuaged. Sesshomaru relaxed only slightly.
"Ye see, all the men 'n' older boys in our village and the surrounding ones were ordered away to fight fer Lord Kagimoto," she explained more calmly. "We don't know where they are now or when they'll come back. If we just leave the village, where'd all us women, little ones, and old ones go? And how could the men ever find us?" she asked very seriously.
Sesshomaru's brow furrowed in confusion. How can you be so foolish? he wanted to ask. But instead, in a voice softer than he knew it could be, he said the obvious: "But they may never return. You could die here waiting for them."
"I know, but if we leave now, won't tha' be like givin' up on our loved ones all together?" Tsukiko replied, her eyes sparkling wetly, but she didn't look away from him.
There's something about her. Something familiar, Sesshomaru thought, absorbing her resolute expression.
"We may still need to go though, I know that," Tsukiko admitted to him and touched the bag at her feet. "Tha's what I was doin' t'day. The things in 'ere are what's left of our mother 'n' father. Ma's death plaques, some 'o' Dad's old clothes fer Kei-kun t'wear 'til he comes back, Ma and Dad's wedding sake cups, 'n' a few seeds Dad told us to plant in the spring… That's all we'd take with us," she said sadly. A single tear rolled down her cheek.
Sesshomaru watched in frozen silence as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
Tsukiko blinked and heaved a sigh. Finally she forced a crooked smile as she looked at him and declared hopefully, "But now that ye've all come, maybe we'll be okay t'stay, ne?"
That Sesshomaru only grimaced in despair for Miroku's skills, Tsukiko thankfully didn't notice. She had already looked away, moving on from her moment of trouble.
"The sun will set soon. We should have dinner. Sessho-san, you should join us," the girl offered, her demeanor gradually brightening again. Turning, she then shouted loudly for her bother to finish his play.
Sesshomaru could already tell from the odor in the air that it would be boar's meat again. Unfortunately uncooperative as usual, his stomach growled loudly, and Tsukiko offered to serve him. Forced to relent by his body, Sesshomaru agreed to join them.
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Hey all! It's been a while again, but at least I'm consistent in a way! Haha! This time I'm deciding to add a special review reply section at the end here for you all! I wrote the replies out by hand not long after you posted and I've been saving them to type here. Hope you enjoy reading my rambling reactions and some comments on Sesshomaru's character development! Consider this my way of sending you all virtual chocolate chip cookies sprinkled with love! (Those of you who have not reviewed before, drop me some reviews on this chapter and maybe I'll find some time to write responses again, hmmm? :-*) Origamikungfu.
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First, thank you so much! Following Chapter 30's post I think a record number of reviews were submitted! When I first started the fic, I thought it would never amass 10 let alone 90+ total reviews! Woo! But it has and my heart melts every time with the love you've shown it in your comments, dear readers. To show my love back and with some thanks for a slow day at work when I could write them, here are my thoughts on your reviews for Chapter 30:
abracadaver: "DYING TO FIND OUT!" Ah, I love this! Can this please be, like, a trending hashtag somewhere? Haha! Glad to hear that you are enjoying Sesshomaru's development. It's obviously been my goal to write him as a more dynamic character in this fic. That's a little tricky because as you pointed out both the viewers and (I'll add) the other characters normally know so little about his internal mental processes. You're right, his very essence is mystery and opacity usually! Of course, lifting the lid on that is one reason why he's so fun to write! I've just added an additional challenge to the task by throwing him into the chaos of a complete physical change too. So it's been a delicate task to keep Sesshomaru's character believable while letting him move into a new mental shell to match the updated worldview that comes with his new physical circumstances. Sesshomaru will fight it at first, but his transformation is going to keep affecting the way he, Rin, Miroku, and eventually Inuyasha (just to name a few) relate. (Don't worry, the brotherly tet-a-tet is definitely coming, as some of you have been anticipating already!) I'll do my best to keep painting those interactions true to his character and at a natural pace. And yes, I'm having fun with the notion that Miroku and Kohaku are essentially the ones in control right now! Even little Shippou mostly seems to have a leg up on Sesshomaru's situation! PS. Thanks for your message requesting an update – sorry it still took me awhile, but it made me feel excited to know that someone was really waiting for the next post :D Hope it met expectations!
hon-kyogen: Do you know how validated and awesome your reviews always make me feel? I really appreciate the detail with which you analyze the chapters and your honest critique. You've definitely picked up on the growing dichotomy in Sesshomaru's psychology. He's sort of stuck between life as a super-powerful, demon lord and an unspectacular-seeming human man. Normally absorbed with his own personal whims (except on the rare occasions he chooses to do something small for Rin), he is mainly a self-seeking character the way I see it. For Sesshomaru, it's Sesshomaru who is number one. Pre-everything Rin, I think we could say Sesshomaru loves himself best. Then the thing I find interesting about his inheritance of Tenseiga at the beginning of the show is that, in my eyes, this creates for him this kind of dissonance in his self-image; he is the stronger, more powerful, more successful son but why did his father not leave him Tessaiga? That makes him mad and uncomfortable. He rarely feels that kind of rejection. That's where I think Sesshomaru's insecurity starts and why I started this story about a vulnerable, human Sesshomaru with Tenseiga. You're right: having become human, Sesshomaru's going to be susceptible to so much more than he's even begun to fathom. His behavior is inconsistent because he doesn't quite yet understand how to deal with things that make him uncomfortable. Scorn and indifference are currently easier solutions for him, but that's starting to change even if he's not aware of it. Thankfully, his natural talent for calculating things is still going to see him through a lot as well. Speaking of calculations….
Taraah36: How right you were! This village has definitely got serious problems! Sesshomaru definitely smelled trouble literally and figuratively. He's just not used to the Inutachi, who are all used to kicking some evil demon butt on a regular basis, whether there's an obvious pay off or not!
Inuyashaskitten56: Happy really belated birthday! So happy my fic could be part of your celebrations! Hee hee, I'm evil to leave you wanting more, but I'm so touched at how quickly you read all of it!
Yuri-Ishtar: No worries that you forgot to sign in the first time! I should say thanks for helping my review count, lol! Don't worry – Sesshomaru might have a little competition for Rin's affections, but he's more possessive of her than even he knows. He's not about to give her up easily. Sesshomaru is going to be increasingly sensitive to Rin's fears, and it's only the beginning of him considering her other needs as well ;)