Dying to Live

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Anurak rode close behind Kagura so that as she pulled up on the reins of her horse suddenly, he had to do the same. They had been circling the same area for the past two days since they'd reached the region on the southeastern side of Honshu.

Up until they reached this area a couple days before, Kagura had been determined in her riding since she had gotten more comfortable with her horse, which Anurak had purchased for her prior to their setting off on their journey just over two weeks ago. The nearest village to the cave where he had taken her for recuperation and that was large enough to have a stables was a quarter day's walk; so it was night when he returned to the caves with two healthy mounts, hooves carefully shod with straw shoes. Anurak had led the creatures into the caves for safety overnight. He had proudly, lead her animal up to Kagura and tried to hand her the rein to the woven bridle he had bought specially for her, hoping she might like the braided leather-work. But the tight-faced, pale woman hadn't moved to accept the lead. She had only wrinkled up her nose at the sight of it and sighed tiredly before going to sit by the fire. Though disappointed that she wasn't pleased with the mount he'd prepared, since getting to know Kagura, he had guessed it would likely be that way. The foreign half-forest nymph had brushed off the feeling quickly and fixed the leads of the horses so they couldn't leave before taking down from the saddles two bails of fragrant hay, which he scattered to feed them.

He had joined Kagura at the fireside, as he always did and gazed at her since she appeared to be ignoring him. From the way she had touched her temple briefly and tried to cover it by sweeping at her bangs, he realized that as usual she was also trying vainly to avoid asking him for energy, even though it was clear it was getting uncomfortable for her.

"Come," he had said gently, at last gesturing to her over the flames that night. Why she insisted on this game he didn't know. It was not as if he would forget she needed to draw off him. He had gotten the typical sour little look from her, before she sighed and came to sit with her back pressed against his hip. The energy flowing from him to her was warm, but Anurak couldn't help but sigh at the coldness of the girl's gesture. As if he would mind sharing with her just because of this! He wondered what he would do with her if she never really did change.

The next morning after Anurak brought the horses, they departed, Anurak following Kagura to the place she had asked to find.

"I want to find someone that I lost if I can," she told him tersely when he did his best to ask in Japanese what the importance of the place they were going to was.

Now in the forests of southern Honshu, he watched curiously, as she looked around. "I don't understand…" Kagura's words trailed soft and uncertain under her breath. Anurak could only hear her because of his hanyou senses. "How can I not remember where it was. It should be around here - it couldn't've all just disappeared, even if he is finally gone."

Anurak was just getting ready to ask if he could help at all, when she smacked her horse's rump in order to get it to climb a steep ascent in front of her. Anurak shook his head, able to feel her horse's annoyance at being pushed. He dismounted and led his steed up the steep incline to follow his companion upward.

When at last Anurak emerged above the sight line, he gasped: from the ridge, they gazed down on the the remains of a destroyed Japanese-style castle. The destruction splayed out over the territory of the valley below the ridge. The fortress must have been very large.

"This is what we needed to find first," Kagura spoke. "Let's ride down and see if we can't find any traces to help us."

As they descended, Anurak noted that the area they were approaching in the valley had a most fortuitous set up according to standard energy readings of the land. A cliff to the south and a mountain rising within view to the north, paired with the marshy tributary that cut attractively into the land – this place should have had incredible inherent energy.

On the contrary though: Anurak found himself unsettled as they drew closer. Growing feelings the hanyou had noticed earlier were confirmed. This site covered with perished buildings was completely neutral, absolutely devoid of any characterizing power. It was as if it had not long ago been aggressively purified. The half-demon decided it possibly wasn't a bad guess, though he was getting pretty determined to figure out how to ask Kagura for more details at the next possible opportunity. She needed to tell him if she was going to take him riding all over the land like this. An epic battle had obviously ensued here, and it convinced him further that she was not at all ordinary, even for when she had still held her demonic power. What had happened to her powers remained a mystery as well.

Kagura dismounted and began to silently walk around the wreckage. Anurak followed behind her on foot too, wondering what this place was making her feel. Was this where she was initially marked with the injuries he nursed her from? It wasn't a choice: he had to keep practicing Japanese to be able to interact with her better.

When he was a kid, already much stronger at that age than the other boys in the village, the half-forest nymph had been able to do the toughest stunts and take the most difficult chores the village elders gave him. He quickly saw that though people might not fully trust in his mother and himself because of his inhuman blood, they still valued his strength and resilience. He had learned not to fight with others though unless he was defending someone else so that sometimes he just took the attacks of people who did not like him. Those few who were his actual friends didn't like to see him struggle, but after a while they recognized that Anurak had made this a part of himself. So they joked, "Pee chai, you are a glutton for punishment! "

He missed those friends, people who had given him a chance. Those childhood friends had stayed close even as he watched them turn old. They had helped encourage him to go on this trip knowing that they may never meet again in this life.

He chuckled: being with this girl, who treated him so cruelly, it was clear he was just sticking to his reputation once again. Glutton for punishment, how the guys would make fun of him. He was determined to stay by her, though it still wasn't just because she needed him... He knew he needed to be serious right now. Still, he couldn't resist, as he stole a discreet lingering glance at Kagura from the safety of where he followed behind her. The curve of her ultra-thin but still ultra-cute backside made him impatient - just to see for fun at least - for when her willowy body might fill out a bit with her hopefully returning health.

Stopping with her, he watched in fascination as she stood over a set of deep, far reaching grooves in the ground. Her beautiful sloping brow rumpled as she surveyed the scars in the earth.

"The Windscar… So they finally defeated him," she mumbled cryptically.

"What happened here?" he asked finally.

"My former master's enemies destroyed him like I guessed. Remember, I told you about the huge demonic scar that disappeared from my back?" she gestured darkly over her shoulder to remind the hanyou. He nodded genially – of course he had seen her back when caring for her during the weeks she was unconscious. Indeed there was nothing to suggest her back had ever been marred. However, that her master could ever mark her in such a way gave the hanyou a dark impression of that being without even knowing much about him. That, and Kagura had not seemed particularly willing to say more about him...

Kagura walked on quietly for several more minutes. The way she gazed at the ground, Anurak believed she must be looking for something in the rubble. Abruptly, she stopped. Anurak stepped over quickly to see what had caught her attention and found her heather-grey eyes startlingly wide. He looked down to see her right foot had landed on a chain that twisted through the debris. There were wood planks beneath the dirt where a metal loop held the chain.

Kagura breathed heavily. Uncharacteristically, she stumbled on her words. "There, clear this away - I - well- there could be something here."

Anurak ducked to pick pieces of busted stone and wood from the area around the chained pull until the wooden trap door was revealed. A corner of the wood forming the door was broken away, probably struck by something in the fury of the fight. Anurak pictured this must have led to a cellar below the massive fortress. He gazed up at Kagura to catch her impression.

The afternoon sun had risen overhead, so that her downward looking visage was cast in shadow. Kagura appeared frozen, and her pupils had gone small and alert in her grey eyes. The hanyou's view flickered to her hands, which clenched at her sides. The girl's arms and slender neck remained too thin and gangly where they emerged from the rough spun burgundy kosode top and goldenrod mo-bakama skirt Anurak had urged her to switch to when they'd passed through the first town on their riding. The look of her at the moment reminded Anurak of a frightened child.

"Kagura, daijoubu?" he asked, getting genuinely worried at her intense reaction. He remained crouched to the side of the chain to the trap door.

A cloud danced across the sun, casting deeper shadows around them. Kagura's jaw tightened, and she inhaled forcefully, as if just remembering to keep breathing. "Open it," she replied.

Anurak nodded. He couldn't deny a nagging, troubling feeling though, as he lifted the heavy, worn chain. From the sun's rays, the metal links were warm in his hands. He carefully pulled up until the door creaked back on its hinges. Softly he lowered the opened door to the ground and stepped around to look in with Kagura.

Catching a sudden whiff that drafted up from the opening, Anurak's nose scrunched involuntarily. Something smelled wrong. Darkness enveloped the steps until the breeze tore back the cloud cover once more from the sun.

Out of the dankness below, Anurak spotted the dim glow of bones. He stifled a disgusted sound. Again in the presence of the mysterious woman beside him, the specter of death reared its ugly head. Having become distracted with a lingering fear of what lay below, Anurak started as Kagura stepped forward to descend the shady steps.

"Kagura," he gasped. "Maybe not safe!"

"I need to go down," she replied sharply leaning away from his reach to stop her. "It's one of the last places I may be able to find anything."

The half-demon gave her a look of concern. If she would insist on going down there-

"Then, I go first," he said, jabbing at his chest to make his intention clear.

Kagura scoffed, despite the troubled look not leaving her face. "Fine!" she snapped. "But don't get in my way."

Giving her a look at her sharp words, Anurak seized the opportunity to enter the hole first. Carefully checking that the step-boards hadn't loosened from the damage that had been done above them, Anurak went down carefully. Behind him, he listened as Kagura began to descend.

As the darkness intensified around the last step down into the low-ceiling cellar, Anurak's ability to see in low light assisted him. Though he was ready to grab the woman and spring back out at the slightest hint of anything suspicious, he quickly saw that the place was empty except the piles of bone littering the ground. Helter-skelter, the remains looked like nothing recognizable to Anurak.

Suddenly, the stairs creaked loudly behind the sienna-eyed hanyou. In surprise he snapped around instantly fearing something had happened with Kagura, but she had merely stopped on a step just a few up from the ground. Oddly, her hands had drifted to her neck, and her eyes were squeezed shut with tears running from the corners. Her neck muscles strained visibly, as if she was being choked.

"Kagura?" he questioned softly, wondering what was torturing her. He had no doubt now that something awful had definitely happened to her in this place. He bet that bastard of a dead master was behind it too.

The girl gasped, evidently pulled from her vicious vision, and Anurak relaxed minutely. She remained in charge of her faculties, confirming it was just a memory haunting her. He gave her a minute, as she turned her face quickly to eradicate the tears with her sleeve.

"Make room, so I can go down," she ordered brusquely, and he stepped out of her way. She ignored his proffered hand to help her with the last step in the dim light.

With how Kagura squinted, he could tell she could not see as well as he could in the low light. Still, she slowly began to walk the space of the not-very-large cellar. Her head and shoulders pitched forward, as she appeared to be searching the floor.

"What we look for?" Anurak asked, breaking the silence.

"Signs of my… friend," she answered finally.

Anurak nodded, though the girl's response did not really give him much information.

Time went by as they walked the bone-strewn floor. The stale smell of the cellar wasn't pleasant for Anurak, but he would remain here with Kagura until she was finished searching. He was going over a piece of floor next to the dirt packed wall that he believed they both had already crossed at least once, when the sharp corner of something white stood out against the mottled forms of the bones.

"Kagura," he called softly, as he gently retrieved the item pinned between the wall and the piled remains. She turned and met him under the square of sunlight flooding down from the trap door opening overhead.

A folded fan of white paper and bleached white birch wood appeared in the hanyou's large, tanned, open hands. Kagura at last reached and took it in her own hands, slowly opening the fan. Brown dirt smudges marred a corner of the opened plain white paper.

"I saw her with this. Not often but a few times, enough to believe that she dropped this here," the slight woman in front of him explained before sliding the refolded fan into the waistline of her goldenrod skirt. She mounted the steps, and Anurak was glad to leave such morbid surroundings behind.

He felt immediately relieved, as he emerged again at ground level, where the sun's nourishing rays landed directly on him.

Kagura had gone a few paces away and opened the plain fan again to study it. Anurak watched her patiently until she looked over her shoulder at him.

She gestured with the fan. "With this, can you help me track her down?"

Anurak stepped up and put out his hands for the fan to take another look at it. Hesitantly, Kagura decided to hand it to him. He gazed down at her for another moment to be sure she wouldn't suddenly withdraw permission. When Kagura's look didn't change, he brought the opened paper object to his nose. A faint scent, different than Kagura's but somehow also similar, seemed to be of the fan's owner.

"Maybe, with help from the forest. I can try, for you," he responded, carefully returning the refolded fan to the grey-eyed woman's hands.

"Then, please try," she replied.

Anurak nodded and smiled mildly. It was first time he could remember Kagura saying "please" to him. In fact, she had willingly asked a favor of him. It was a small thing, but still it was progress that gave the hanyou hope. Hope that, slowly, she might eventually trust him and treat him differently.

:::

Note 1: Pee chai - "elder brother" in Thai.

Note 2: Happy Holidays all! So glad we're finally getting back to what Kagura and Anurak are up to a bit - it seemed like a good chance to depart briefly from the intensity of possessed wolf demons and burning buildings.

Yuri-Ishtar - Thanks for dropping by with a review as you always do, no worries! Glad to know that it seems I wrote Sesshomaru right. Due to the nature of this story, I always knew it was going to be a bit tricky to hit it right. I am taking his character through unusual challenges and changes, but I still aim to respect and foster at the root what we love best about him. And well, we'll see about the wolves... ;)

Dear readers - "feedback is love" as other writers on this site say - I will be ever so grateful. Let me know how it's going, even in one or two words is great too. Hugs, Origamikungfu.