Dying to Live

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Note 1: Several of you reviewed last chapter – thank you so much for letting me hear your thoughts! I appreciate the new favs / follows too – you all are the best, hugs!

In also your reviews for last chapter, a couple of you mentioned enjoying seeing more of Kagura and Anurak – I'm glad because, ask and you shall receive – this is a big chapter in more than one way for these two! I really love that I'm getting to pull in some of this fic's most central themes with these two. Enjoy dear readers!

:::

The thrum of the strings against the fingertips felt like the physical manifestation of the musical notes coming out from the soul.

That was what Anurak pictured each time he played the shamisen.

When Kagura clearly rejected the instrument and showed absolutely no interest in it, Anurak saw no reason why he should not learn to play it. He enjoyed getting to know this new instrument, running his fingertips idly over the soft textured, stretched hide on the face of it; the smooth lacquered wood of its long, stringed neck; the cool touch of the buffed bone of the pick, as he toyed with it in his hands beside the fire at night after Kagura would finally shout at him to stop playing.

Anurak had learned to play the flute as a child. Though it was easily more than 40 years ago, he still remembered clearly the monk in his dusty, worn sandals and long, tied mustard yellow garments walking into the village, playing "Buddha's flute". The children loved to gather when traveling musicians and clerics would pass through. There would be stories from afar and invigorating tunes that the kids could listen to after lunch and dinnertime.

During his stay of about a week, the gentle monk carved flutes for interested children in the evenings in the village square. In exchange, Anurak and his neighbors brought the man cups of water or small, modest bowls of rice, the customary few spoonfuls that parents could spare from family meals.

After the man left, back again on his endless travels, Anurak spent the rest of that summer mastering his hand carved, reed flute. He played it every chance he got. His mother would playfully smack at him with her linen cleaning cloth sometimes - suffice it to say, his early efforts were artless and did not exactly calm the mind of the listener.

Eventually, Anurak improved though. He learned to pull long, soulful, warm notes from his flute. In the late summer evenings with the door and window coverings tied back, he would sit within the threshold with his back against one side of the front doorframe to their small home. There, young Anurak would play his flute for his mother, as she cleaned up after their dinner and as she would wash the rice for the next morning's breakfast. And he would play until the sun fell behind the horizon line of the village's edge, and the birds flew into the forest's shadows to roost for the night. He would wonder if his nang takhian father stood anywhere nearby in the darkness of the woods listening, feeling the wafting tones of his half-human son's flute…

Perhaps it was no surprise that even so many decades later, Anurak still loved the feeling he got from making music. Was music not a communication of the soul of it's maker of a kind? If so, then the language of the plants, as they spoke against Anurak's fingertips, had to be the very pulsing of their life essence in his hand, as he understood it.

The morning after Anurak spoke to the mouse in the forest, Kagura and he started out about an hour after sunrise after Anurak collected and shared with Kagura the energy of the first rays of light.

They twisted on and off animal tracks for a few hours and crossed a small creek surrounded by rocks, which they rested at and ate a modest lunch by.

Calmed by nature and all the green they encountered, Anurak breathed deep breaths of the earthy damp smells he loved so much of this land he was still learning. Therefore, it actually jarred his senses as he began to pick up on flickers of hot, even sharp, sensations first in the trees he touched and even the small fragile ferns, whose "memories" were often not as distinct as those of the bigger, more mature trees.

"What is it?" Kagura, who had been uncharacteristically quiet for hours, unlike the day before, finally asked. Anurak had moved to touch the gnarled roots at the base of a particularly thick trunked tree.

Her soft lips curved with a mild frown, and Anurak glanced at her, sharing a similar expression. "In recent moments, the plants and the trees share sad, hurt feelings. This tree, I will listen to it, and I try to learn more," he explained carefully, hoping she understood. When she nodded, he turned back to the old tree and felt for the rhythm of its energy.

His fingers thrumming with the vibes the old plant put off, Anurak closed his eyes and simply listened. The audible sounds of the forest, the rise and fall of Kagura's quiet breathing, all fell away from his ears.

Anurak didn't know how long he stayed like that when at last his eyes opened there was a heaviness in his chest that hadn't been there before. Slowly, wearily, he pushed himself off his knees and back onto the balls of his feet so that, still crouched, he put his palms together and bowed his head devoutly to the old tree's base in thanks.

He then turned to Kagura, with a resigned look. She sat with her back against the trunk of a tree, perched atop her packed up bed roll and a dagger they'd bought across her knees. Awake though she was, she had a slightly drowsy look about her grey eyes, and Anurak decided that his interaction with the tree had been longer than he thought. The plant had not been very forthcoming at first and coaxing images from it had required a lot of patience.

"So?" she said, as he looked at her, unsure how to start. Slowly, the hanyou stood, and Kagura just tilted her head back to look up at him.

"Kanna, she was here," he answered simply first. He worried about how to choose the words to tell her what the tree had shown him. The visions were a bit vague, and he couldn't be sure of everything the plant had revealed, but it was enough to know that-

"Tell me, what did you find out from it," she urged, getting to her feet quickly, and handing him back the dagger that generally stayed on Anurak's person. Her face was determined, and her dark brows wrinkled in defiance. He couldn't keep this from her-

Anurak began to open his mouth to speak, when suddenly he felt a pressure on his youki heighten from behind. The hanyou's hand moved to the dagger he had just fastened to his side, though fortunately, he stayed his hand. Another's voice broke the silence.

"His stench is on you woman, but I sense no youki on you - yet, you can be none other than Naraku's other incarnation, Kagura the Wind Sorceress."

Kagura's lips tightened into a thin line at the sight of the speaker, and Anurak stepped back closer beside her in case he needed to protect her. As he turned, he did know what to expect, as the being who had approached them was very powerful. Anurak was immediately taken aback at how this being could have possibly masked such power. Already, he could also feel clearly that the one in their midst was not a demon.

"What's it to you, old man?" Kagura said, as Anurak looked ahead at the elderly being. Long, snow-white eyebrows and beard framed the being's face and a large red flower, large as a wide brimmed hat sat high on his head, casting shadows above his cheekbones. Despite the shadows, Anurak believed that the man's eyes appeared closed. Of average height, the elder stood squarely facing them from beside the trunk of the tree Anurak had conversed with. His thick body almost blended in with the surrounding foliage, as his robes looked like they were made of moss, while he held a staff of roughly carved wood.

"I believe I know why you're coming this way, and I caution you to turn back. You will not find the one you look for," the old one in their path said, stepping toward them and putting the point of his staff down heavily in the dirt. Anurak started to get the feeling that they would not cross this being, as long he stood there blocking their way.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but we're following the trail of my friend, and no one's gonna stop me from that. So old man, I'd like you to get out of our way now," Kagura said. Anurak sweated slightly, wondering if he should warn her of the power of their visitor. Did she have any clue with the way she was talking back to him?

"Again, I say to you, there is no point to follow. There is nothing but a cliff ahead over which your friend met her demise, something which I saw with my own eyes months ago last fall," the elder reiterated solemnly to a cringe from Anurak. He had hoped to break some of this information to Kagura in a much different manner. As the hanyou turned to look at her, her eyes had grown wide with shock.

Kagura's temper flared, and as she leaned forward to stalk angrily toward the stranger, Anurak grabbed her tightly by her upper arms. She wriggled under his grasp, and though he worried his grip would bruise her, he wouldn't let her endanger herself like this. "Her demise? That's impossible. And what's more, you suggest you just stood by and watched, doing nothing for her, as it happened?" she spat. Anurak looked back at the elder. Was it his imagination or had the old being grown another five hands taller in the split moment Kagura berated him?

The old one kept his gnarled fist tight on his staff. Anurak's eyes in the dim forest light registered the ancient texture of the skin of the being's hand. The stranger spoke in a calm tone at odds with Kagura's growing rage. "When I arrived it was already too late for your friend in the condition I witnessed her in. She knew it too, as chased by a monster, she threw herself over the cliffside ahead into the deep, dark drop below. Surely, she did not survive. In my pity for her as a slave of such a cruel master as your late maker, Naraku, I dared not put a stopper to the death she clearly desired. As for you, you should investigate her death no further, as I fear darker forces than even Naraku are at play in the death of Kanna."

Holding her from behind, Anurak could not see Kagura's expression, but she trembled as the old man spoke.

A moment later, again she seethed, and Anurak refused to let her go. "So you expect me to just forget about her? To just accept her death without looking for the killer? And what about me? I too was attacked nearly to my death by a 'monster' in this area. As it was, I survived, but what is this 'survival' now that I've lost all my powers after that attack? Should I just forget that as well?! Do mine and Kanna's lives really mean nothing, as we were made from our degenerate master's body? Is that why we are treated worse than dirt by everyone?"

The old man with the flower hat loomed in silence for a moment, as Kagura panted in her anger. Then slowly, he leaned forward and raised one long, bushy eyebrow. Anurak could not look away as one bright eye, a hue of acorn golden-brown, gazed out at them. "I, myself, could not locate the monster that chased your friend. But you yourself, were attacked by it, an unnatural, indecent chimera of a beast?" his rumbled the question came, and Anurak felt an uncontrollable pull on his soul.

"Yes! It took my body and when it was done with that, in its greed, kept my youki too - who is the Sorceress of the Wind if the winds will not listen to this bloody, mortal body's call? What am I supposed to do now?" Kagura screamed, and Anurak realized she was becoming delirious and weak in her rage. Feeling her trembling in his hands, he promised that he would pass her energy to reinvigorate her as soon as this encounter with the elder ended; but for now, Anurak did not trust that she wouldn't attempt to tear away from his grip if he gave it to her too soon.

"Then, it is possibly worse than I originally thought," the old one said, stroking his long white beard with his free hand. "I mean what I said more than ever then. If you continue to track the path of the one who harmed your friend and stole your youki, I will not stop you again, but take note that in your current state, Kagura, former Wind Sorceress, you will be no match for one such as your attacker. It is better to leave this thing alone now. Do this, for the sake of not losing another friend - it seems you have one here with you now."

"Old man-!" Kagura screamed, and finally Anurak dragged her back against his chest protectively. Possibly surprised by the intimate contact or the force of being pulled, the woman in his arms fell silent.

"Ar-rigatou g-gozaimashita, Oj-jiisan," Anurak stumbled over his words, as he held Kagura tightly because she began to wriggle again. Anurak had no doubt in his mind now, also having a familiarity with certain forest spirits, that the elder had to be either a very old spirit or possibly even an old god. There would be no point to challenge what they were being told.

"Wakarimashita - W-We'll go now, " Anurak offered before sweeping Kagura and himself into a somewhat clumsy, double bow. Quickly, then he had them turned away. When Anurak looked over his shoulder again, just as he guessed, the old man had vanished. Still, Anurak did not stop, even as Kagura hissed at him to let her go. It was a good several minutes of walking over twisted trail, crisscrossed with roots, before they reached the last fork in the road before they had encountered the elder. At that point, Anurak stopped half-pushing, half-carrying Kagura in front of him. She spun out his arms immediately.

"The fuck! Why didn't you let me go sooner? I wouldn't have cared, if I had gone down with a fight," she huffed and seethed in his direction.

Satisfied as he could be that they were alone in this part of the forest, Anurak replied, careful to keep his voice soft, "Kagura, did you know who that was? That person, was probably a god-"

Kagura was red in the face, as she quickly cut him off: "I don't care! No one can possibly understand what it feels like to be told 'your freedom and your life essence aren't worth caring about'. If I ever get them back I'll show them all!"

"Kagura, wakatta," Anurak said, moving close to her and leaning down into her vision to try to limit her agitated pacing. He hoped she would listen. "I talk to you. I try to understand you. You are hurting, but there is something I have to tell you now. There is something that old man did not want to tell us - I think he says not all the truth."

Kagura stopped moving and looked at him. Though her brows lowered pessimistically, Anurak had her attention.

He licked his lips, and focused on the Japanese words he wanted to say. He knew he might only get one good chance to tell her what he had learned from the old tree before the god had interrupted them. He had been planning his language carefully, as he had pushed her forward for the last several minutes.

He kept his voice low, but he used some body language, hoping to get his meaning across as effectively as he could. "The tree, I talked to, was very old. That means its energy is more developed. Its memories and senses are more strong. It remembers Kanna - she was there in the fall. Near that tree, it sensed her. She used a portal to come to the spot by the tree and fell, with the monster that attacked her. The tree felt her blood on its roots. She used the mirror to fight the monster beside the tree. When I touch the tree, I feel its pain from the memory. It's red and hot. I now realize the monster is a threat that stayed in that area - it's difficult to say, but the feeling of the monster is so strong. More and more plants there have a similar feeling even though they don't have good memories like the tree."

Kagura's grey eyes were huge and her attention on Anurak remained rapt. So he continued, fighting to choose and conjugate his verbs in order to be as clear as possible. This part would be a bit harder to explain: "There's something else, something the elder did not say. When Kanna was laying on the tree roots with her blood, the tree felt more energy, different blood. Not just the monster, not just Kanna - there was life inside her."

Kanna's brows went up as he paused for her comprehension. "What?" she snapped. "What does that mean?"

Anurak thought and then moved to sweep his hands in an outward looping motion over his abdomen and pointed at his middle, as he strung the words together." Like aka-chan, like she had a baby - inside."

The color drained from Kagura's face. Her expression was worrying Anurak, but he decided to press on.

"Do you know about that Kagura? Kanna's baby? How to say - uh - the Old Tree is sensitive, but Kanna's baby must have been a little big for the tree to feel it, or maybe from the blood from the attack, maybe the baby was hurt too… I'm not sure-" he stopped talking when Kagura suddenly reached up and laced her fingers through the hair at the crown of her head, so her forearms covered her face.

Kagura's voice shook, as she spoke in a low voice, "That bastard - that's why he wouldn't let me see her. He knew I would know what he had done to her."

Anurak could only listen, not knowing what to say. He knew she had to be referring to her old master. She mainly behaved this way anytime the topic of him came up. The hanyou now knew without a doubt and based on the god's reference that Kagura's master must have been a particularly vile being. He listened to Kagura's strangled realization, and he recalled how Kagura and he had found Kanna's fan half buried in that horrible cellar, which had been filled with bones and seemed to strike fear into Kagura's heart. He now understood that this Naraku had probably hid and held captive the pregnant girl in that awful place. A chill shook Anurak's body at the thought of what could only be pure cruelty based on Kagura's reaction to the revelation. Then somehow, Kanna had wound up out in the woods here - the fact that she could create portals with the hand mirror Kagura had described to him made that less improbable. Yet, what was she doing out in the woods in this region? This still puzzled Anurak, and Kagura did not seem to know either.

So Anurak did all he could do - slowly he gathered Kagura up into his arms, and though her body remained stiff, she did not fight his embrace.

Careful not to look and cause her to stop, the hanyou was surprised, as he felt her tears fall on to his bare arm. Carefully, he held her a little tighter, and they stayed like that for a long while until Anurak urged her to a spot near a tall tree, which he climbed to catch the last few rays of light. Later, the woman was lying despondent in her bed roll, so he merely sat against her side quietly until enough of his energy flowed to her. Convinced that she was asleep finally, he pulled the covers up carefully to her shoulders as the air was still damp and cool at night. Assured that this was not an area frequented by large predators, Anurak lay down in his own bedroll. Exhausted by the day, he too fell asleep quickly.

At the loud rustle of vegetation around their campsite, Anurak startled awake groggily. Driven more by instinct than volition in his semi-awakeness, the hanyou's head whipped around ferally for the source of the disturbance. A bird cawed from above a moment later, and he caught sight of its wings as it went up into a tree. His heart relaxed a little in the darkness right before dawn. He looked over at Kagura's bed to see if she had been woken by the sound. Even though it was too hard to see in the low light, with his attention on her bed, he could sense now she was not in it.

"Kagura", he called softly, but premonition told him it was useless. Scrambling, he got out of bed, and moved toward her empty bedding. Barefooted and fingertips grazing the earth around the blankets he was met with the remnants of the woman's energy. Bent over, he followed the trail he picked up until it disappeared in the forest brush. This allowed him to stand more erect and to sense her through the plants - far more efficient than just feeling around in the dirt - something he could do but had found to be not an apparent forte for "his kind", at least when he thought of his nang takhian blood. He picked up pace, as he read her signature in the greenery. Though he had to double back a couple times to reconfirm the trail, he found he had come to know the feel of Kagura quite well. It came through more faintly from these smaller plants, yet Anurak traced her well. However, as he caught up and her signature grew stronger and more recent, he sensed heat in the plants - anxiety, fear, negative emotion. His heart panged with worry, and sooner than human ears could hear it, he recognized the pounding rhythm of the tide approaching. He was following Kagura to the place where this land met the sea.

Soon after, he broke through the treeline, and almost felt his stomach drop to the ground: a steep hillside of dunes and sharp rocks led into a steep decline that met the beach.

Glancing around, he noticed a series of rocks speckled down the hill that could probably be used to descend if used like stepping stones.

He bent down into a crouch again, brushing the ground that had turned to a more barren, silty texture that didn't hold energy as well as the forest terrain did. He reached nervously for scrubby patches of beach grass that had climbed the hill to seed, and felt Kagura again. She had taken the rugged path, if it could be called that, of spread out stones. He stopped moving, so his eyes could trace a possible way down the slope. The crash of the tide was so much louder here, since the waves still came up fairly high on the beach below at this hour.

His eyes met the sand, and there just below the descent from where he stood, he found Kagura. Her shoulders slumped a bit, and her hair was down, blowing in the coastal wind. She rarely wore it down when they traveled. Something was odd. A sick feeling hit the pit of Anurak's stomach.

It was stupid, but he shouted her name, thinking of getting her attention, but then he realized how ineffectual that had been. Down by the steady smashing of the waves against the shore with the wind blowing around, she would never hear him from this distance.

He waited a moment, not sure what to do. Maybe she would turn around? Her back was to him though, and the sun had still not broken over the watery horizon line ahead. Despite the softening of the night sky to dusky lavender, the light was still dim.

The hanyou did not like the way the woman kept walking straight toward the water. The sea crashed up over her feet, and she still didn't turn. The water now rushed up well over her ankles, forcing her to walk more slowly, but she didn't turn around.

Anurak's brow creased, as he wondered what she was doing. Suddenly a wave of cold rushed through him as realization dawned.

She can't be! he told himself but dreaded his fears were real. He knew he had to act fast, or the woman in front of him would vanish into the sea - forever.

Without a second thought, Anurak pushed off the ground, really throwing his supernatural strength into it, as he leapt down the steep slope. Letting instinct take over, his leg muscles contracted neatly, as he bounded off of the loose sand of the dunes. Sharp rocks, broken shells, and dry sticks littering the sand cut against his bare feet, but he ignored the pain - his hanyou skin was thicker than most, and it would heal faster than most too.

He told himself, his body was made for this, as he barely glanced at the terrain. Meanwhile, he couldn't tear his eyes away, as Kagura continued to wade further out, as he had feared. She had already gone quite far from the beach considering the roughness of the waves, strong enough to slow her movement but not enough to sweep her away yet.

Finally, he was down on the sand, running the distance to the water and shouting her name again. She didn't turn, and Anurak's heart thudded. A particularly large wave crested and broke over her, and her head disappeared. A moment later, she came back into view, as with some difficulty, she seemed to be getting back up to move forward over a sandbar - he had to reach her before she got past it.

Hitting cold wet sand under his scraped feet, Anurak swung his arms wildly, sprinting. The distance from the wetted sand to where the water reached up the shore with each wave told him that high tide had passed, but he still found himself pushed around by the current when he entered the water. It was also still spring, and the sun wasn't out to warm the water, so though chills threatened to freeze his arms and legs, he fought off the feeling.

By then, Kagura was far enough out that if he failed to get them back to shore, they could be separated and both washed out to sea. The half demon wanted to call out to her again, but somehow he knew that even if she heard him, it probably wouldn't be enough to stop her. No, he had to save his strength.

Anurak paddled hard and actually found himself thankful for the coldness of the water. He couldn't feel the burn of his protesting muscles, but he could clearly feel the challenge to his lungs - a sign that he was truly pushing his body to inhuman limits.

Cutting under a large wave, Anurak noticed a shallowing in the underwater terrain - the sandbar. Taking some long strokes underwater to escape the endlessly crashing waves, he fought against his aching lungs to hold his breath. The seawater was barely calmer under the surface. As he stroked forward, his body tumbled against the current, but squinting, there ahead he spotted a shadow: in the distance, Kagura - stepping off the edge of the wide sandbar.

As Anurak broke the surface once more, another strong wave broke over him, and his mouth filled with salty water. Coughing, he forced himself to take a gasping breath. The ocean roared around him, and the sky burned red in front of his eyes. He ducked through the next crest, blinked another deluge of water from his eyes, and panicked. Had the waves turned his body in the water? He could not see Kagura, but he also could not see the shore. His mind reeled, as he stared into the sharp light of the rising sun, and then something dark bobbed in the trough of the next wave to his right. He recognized her dark hair, and paddled, ignoring his strained limbs and back and his own dark hair getting plastered across his face by the beating current.

Having trouble seeing with the waves washing over his face, Anurak reached out with his arms. A large wave crashed over his head, forcing him under the surface. He began to think he would never catch up to Kagura, but then the current began to pull him in the direction he had seen her.

And then, pulled by the riptide, he crashed into something face first. Pangs of hot pain radiated through his nose from the impact, but under his fingers he felt wet fabric. He opened his eyes, and there she was practically in his arms.

Anurak resisted a gasp of relief, and clamped his mouth shut and his arms around the girl, as more water slammed down from overhead. She might struggle or even smack him for grabbing her like this, but Anurak would not let go - the ocean would have to claim them both before he would give up on saving her! However, fear consumed him, as Kagura's body moved limply in his grasp. Another wave past, he turned her body just enough to check her face and speak her name. Her eyes were heavily lidded, the skin probably swollen from the salt water, but though her eyes were barely open, she didn't not respond to seeing him. Then, he realized that if it was taking every ounce of his own strength to fight against the choppy water, then certainly she must have been exhausted.

Quickly, hating to do it because he didn't know if she was lucid enough to hold her breath, the hanyou pushed her head under the water with his own, in order to let the next wave pass.

Then, with his left arm looped across her back, and under her left arm, he spread his large hand across her sternum to lift her out of the water, as he paddled them hard on top of the departing wave.

He most likely completed the return swim faster than the swim out to get Kagura, but it definitely felt longer, as he wondered for every moment of it whether she would still be breathing when he got her back to shore. Though he did his best to hold her head above the water, he did not know how much had entered her lungs before he reached her.

Although he paddled strongly, Anurak could not prevent them from being swept to the right, southward down the coast. At last his knees scraped against coarse sand as they came close to the beach. Stumbling, he dragged himself and Kagura up out of the water, and didn't stop until he had them practically within a few strides of the dry, soft sand above the high tide line.

He wanted to collapse on the sand but not yet - he couldn't, for as he gently laid Kagura out on the sand, he realized she wasn't breathing.

Anurak fought to keep calm. When he caught up with her in the water, he had believed she had been conscious, breathing. It might not have been long since she had swallowed too much water. Fortunately, one did not grow up in a region threaded with rivers and surrounded by oceanic coastlines and not learn a thing about how to save people from drowning. Fishermen had told stories of how it was possible to breathe air into a victim's mouth until the water was freed from their chest. Anurak leaned low, pulled gently on Kagura's jaw to open her lips and covered her mouth with his own.

Concentrating, the hanyou forced his breathing into an even pattern, rising for long breaths followed by ducking low to exhale into the woman's mouth. Her body remained motionless for several cycles, shifting only slightly as he emptied his breath into her, forcing her chest to lift minutely. Then, at last he pulled back again to draw air, and her countenance flinched unexpectedly. Without warning, her body shook, and she coughed water out of the side of her mouth. Carefully Anurak helped lift her upper body, as she weakly moved as if trying to elevate her chest to express the water. Finally, her coughs became dry, and Kagura's grey eyes opened slowly upon Anurak. Just like a boy handling a delicate flower, he lowered her back to ground, as she stared up at him.

"You-," the word came weakly, and when she paused, Anurak could not help himself.

"Loong-ok!" the words of relief slipped out in his mother tongue, as he finally allowed himself a tired smile. "You are awake!"

Kagura winced, and closing her eyes, she coughed again. Then looking once more at Anurak, her face slack, except for her expressive eyebrows which had found their way into their standard, upset downward slant, she forced out, "W-why. Did. You. Save. Me?"

Anurak's face fell instantly. "Kagura-", he started but the words died off, as the woman's face crumpled. Tears slid from her salt stung eyes and rolled down her cheeks into her wet, snarled hair and onto the sand. She made no move to stop her own tears. Anurak believed he had some idea why, as he felt the heaviness of fatigue taking over in his own arms and legs now that they were clearly out of mortal danger. Helpless, he leaned back from her, as she cried almost soundlessly, and slowly lowered himself down on his backside onto the sand next to her. Her reaction to being saved again by him overwhelmed him.

He had risked everything to save her, and here she still begged for her death.

Maddening, he thought but kept his mouth shut, unable to think clearly, as he sat there exhausted. Slowly feeling himself calm down and hearing Kagura's cries quiet, emptily he watched the sun climb into the clear sky over the water that came close to being their grave.

As the rays of the sun hit him, Anurak soaked in their blessed, life giving energy. He had always found it hard to feel bad as the caress of the sun invigorated him. Intuitively, he leaned slightly in Kagura's direction so he could place his right hand knuckles against her bare forearm where it lay. Silent though she was, she did not try to pull away as he had predicted. With his sensitive hearing trained on her, he could easily hear her still breathing, which kept his greatest concern at bay. The sun continued its climb in the sky warming the air around them. Just when Anurak was thinking he had gotten enough strength back to carry Kagura the long way back to their campsite from where they had washed up, the woman spoke.

Her voice came through more clearly - the energy flowing through him obviously revitalized her too. "You don't know what it's like. " The words were blunt, matter-of-fact.

He turned his head to look at her and weighed out his decision carefully. He had things he wanted to say to her now that he hadn't said before, possibly emboldened by what they had just been through together; he needed to let her talk now though - he sensed she needed to get this out.

Weakly, she began to push herself up into a sitting position. He thought about reaching to help her, when he saw that he'd apparently restored enough energy to her, that she finally made it upright on her own. She continued, her voice wavering, but the words were clear: "You don't know what it's like to keep waking up to this existence, where I have no control, where I now understand fully I have never had any real control."

Committed to listening, Anurak watched her.

"You know, Naraku, my old master, he made Kanna and me. The disgusting freak said he tore parts off his degenerate form - if that thing could've been called 'a body' - off to make our bodies from," Kagura ground out, continuing on.

She shook her head, as if willing the words gave her pain. "That bastard! Why did he have to choose Kanna? I don't even know if she could tell him "no" - she wasn't like me, she never reacted to things. I had to believe it's because Naraku made her that way. But what if she could feel things, huh?"

Kagura turned her gaze on Anurak. Moisture welled in her beautiful eyes again. How could she transfix him so he when he had been so frustrated with her only moments earlier? He pitied her situation and could only wonder how she braved the painful experiences that so clearly weighed her down now.

The woman fought her tears to get out her words. "What if Kanna didn't want to be Naraku's slave? She was just as stuck as me, but even worse - she couldn't tell anyone! Why couldn't he choose me for that? To try to knock me up instead. I could've torn out his throat, I could have killed him the moment he got so close to me to lay a hand on me! I don't care what might have happened to me. I would've made sure the world couldn't ever have faced another spawn of Naraku!" Kagura cried.

Tears shone wetly on her red cheeks now, but she didn't stop. "But no, he did every other horrible thing to me, but for this, he picked Kanna, and there was nothing I could do if she did need help. He just hid her or sent her away, the sick fucker. And then, she just died - what he did to her could do nothing but kill her. That bastard's offspring could never be allowed to thrive - never! Kanna was dead the moment he set his mind on laying hands on her, and I couldn't do anything about it. It's because I had the guts to try to get back at him, so he never even let me know what he was planning to do with her. So even with my powers, I couldn't stop him - I couldn't do anything about it. Nothing!"

"I can't stand it," she was shouting, now with her hands covering her eyes, but the tears still leaked out. "I can't stand to be alive in this world where bastards like Naraku just get to take everyone's freedom, where everyone is just a nobody in their shadows! I just finally want out of this world, away from this pain. That's why I want to know: Why did you save me? Why did you have to save me?"

Anurak had to stop his jaw from dropping. Kagura blamed herself for what happened to Kanna. Regret and impotence at having not been able to help her friend were eating away at her along with all her own personal suffering. Reasoning with her and helping her forgive herself could come later, but he could now see better what had pushed her over the "edge"... and into the sea.

For now, what Kagura didn't know is that Anurak had been thinking of Kanna's tragic situation too, but since she had been so upset the day before, he had not yet been able to tell her. Based on what she had said, he wasn't at all sure how she would take his theories, yet he could look for a place to start when the chance arose.

He turned his body to face her better. Crossing his legs, he reached out and touched her arm, as she lifted her other hand to her eyes to hide her torrent of tears. Simply and sincerely, he said, "Kagura, thank you for telling me about this." As Kagura's body continued to shake with her tears, gently, Anurak closed his eyes and rubbed her arm reassuringly, comforting in his own small way he thought she could accept. He always guessed he could not overcome the depth of the pain she experienced in a single or even several instances. Still, he was reminded that he was again willing to try, to stay by her side as long she allowed him and while she worked through her inner demons herself.

:

Once Kagura's eyes had dried enough, Anurak helped her to stand. The more recovered of the two of them, he helped her to walk. He hesitated against carrying her. She evidently had the strength to move on her own, and her impassioned speech on the beach about impingements on her independence remained fresh in his mind, so their walk back to the camp took a long while. In silence, they made their way, and at last back at camp, Anurak offered to let her dress on her own, while he prepared to build a controlled campfire. Anxious about leaving her alone though, he did not stray far and stayed where he could keep an ear trained on her activities.

Assured that he heard her slip under her bed covers, he came back and made the fire. As he cleared the area and stacked the sticks carefully, he noticed how Kagura's boots were still where they had been the night before. He should have noticed that earlier in the morning - it had been odd for her to leave so far without her shoes. He tried to push down his guilt and swore he'd be more observant to look after her better. Once the short stand of flames danced, well-fed with kindling, Kagura's voice broke the quiet around them.

"I'm sorry," she said. He found her not looking at him but staring into the fire.

"I want to tell you it's OK, but I cannot do it - I cannot let you hurt yourself. That was too dangerous. Please do not try it again," he replied calmly, also keeping his eyes on the fire.

"No matter what happens to me, it feels like I was only created for suffering. Happiness was never something for Kanna and me. On my own, my life has never meant anything. I have nothing now, and if I part from you, I will die. I truly see no point now, and I don't know why you insist on hanging around me," Kagura said, her voice so empty in the still early evening air.

Anurak looked over at her, as she looked into the dancing flames. Her face portrayed how wrung out her emotions had to be. In spite of it, a bit of surprise came through her dark eyes, as he came to stand next to her.

Moving slowly, as he would approach a woodland creature or plant he wished to interact with, the half demon knelt down in front of her so she could see his face well. He wanted her to both see and feel his intentions. He had not been very clear before, but he was starting to understand that Kagura had every reason to be suspicious of those around her. He would need to work twice as hard to help her see what he saw when he looked at her. This is where he would start. He licked his lips and thought hard on his vocabulary. Even though he was tired after the sort of day they had, he had to try his best.

"Kagura, you do not know me well. I understand this. But let me explain. When I save you from the Inuyoukai and take care of you, everyday, I pray for you to wake up and be okay. I would look at you while you slept in the cave. The person I could see was very strong but almost lost her life. I wanted to be someone who helped you get better, helped you get strong again."

Kagura stared up at him like he had two heads. With her guard down as it was, the disbelief that always lurked beneath the surface was plainly etched on her face.

Anurak continued anyway, thinking about all the things he had wanted to tell her before. The concepts weren't easy to translate, and he sweated, as he pushed on and prayed his words would be clear: "Where I came from, I was lucky to know good people. One time, someone taught me that humans, demons, it doesn't matter. Nobody is a tool. Everyone is special.

"And then, I did learn that people everywhere do not believe this. I now see there were people who used me when I was young like a 'tool', because I am not all-human. In my memory, I now see, those people were afraid of me - so they want to use me for what they wanted. Sometimes, they got their way, and I did what they wanted.

"But now, Kagura, I am traveling and those bad people are gone. And I am doing the things I want to do - and I want to help you," he said, looking into her eyes, which had grown wide. He was wrapped up in what he needed to tell her though, so he didn't stop and try to decipher her expression, as he so often did. "For you, maybe for now, you need to stay with me, but I am not like this 'Naraku' - I want to help you do things that you want to do. "

"Kagura, I want to help you find Kanna because you told me that is what you want to do. And maybe, I believe, we can still find your attacker and know more about what happened to Kanna. " Kagura's brow rumpled at his words.

Anurak leaned closer, down to her, and continued: "Kagura, last night, I am thinking about it. Why does the god tell us not to look more for Kanna and your attacker? Why does he not say all the truth about Kanna's baby? He does not want us to know, but he also said he would not stop us again if we keep looking. Kagura - I will not give up if you won't too. Please think about it," he finished bowing his head before her.

Somewhere around them, an owl called through the trees. Afternoon had turned to evening, and quietly, softly, the thrum of two heartbeats played, as Kagura looked up into his eyes.

::

It bothered Inuyasha that Miroku had not sent word of their changed whereabouts to Kaede. He'd reached the area of Harumura Village hoping to find that they may never have left, but that appeared to be wishful thinking. In the past week, Miroku had indicated in a message to Kaede that they had been tangled up in a fairly brutal extermination in the village and apparently succeeded. The Buddhist had cryptically written that he would send another note when they had a more defined direction they were traveling. And that was all the note had said, even after Inuyasha made Kaede re-read it to him, just in case he messed up interpreting the characters. As it appeared that was all he could expect in the way of updates, the demon left a basic message with Kaede - if Kirara showed up again, please pass the word on to Miroku that Inuyasha planned to go by Harumura village on the way to and back from visiting Totosai.

Flying most of the way, Inuyasha made it to his first stop fairly soon. Stealthily, he passed along the outskirts of Harumura Village around dusk and caught sight of some of the villagers meeting around the burned out village hall building. He did not dare to go into the village, knowing the kind of experience they likely had with the demons.

Still, he was dying to know more about what had happened. He asked himself again why Miroku's note had been so abbreviated. He clenched his fangs a bit, as he turned to go. Inuyasha had seen all he could of the village happenings before the sun went down. Yet, he hadn't been able to pick up a trail of the monk's group going out of the village. Was it simply because they had flown out? Or it had simply just rained too much since they'd gone?

Both possibilities were mundane and entirely probable; however, suspicion told him the monk had to be up to something, and he did not like it one bit. Still, Inuyasha had to trust Miroku would send him a signal or leave word with Kaede soon. He had promised himself that he would pass by Harumura once again on the way back just to double check. He didn't want to miss any other clues or signals to their whereabouts. Of course he would also pass by Kaede's again after he had finished up at Totosai's, which was where he headed next.

:::

Note 2: Whew! I just gotta say: a lot of intense things happened in this chapter! But Kagura is one of my favorite characters, and she deserves more in this life. Thankfully, I think it's becoming obvious Anurak is one of the top "best boys" in this story. ;)

P.S. Meanwhile our poor Inuyasha can't find our favorite rascally monk?! – I swear they'll meet soon, as this author does not wish to test Sango's patience further, hahaha!

Thank you for your support, dear readers – Origamikungfu.