Dying to Live

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Notes: Dear readers - Apologies for the delay! I am posting this on the run right now, so I apologize for not replying to reviews just now, because there were some really wonderful ones. In particular, I still have to give a shout out to "Guest"! I really enjoyed reading your story idea, and I am so flattered and touched that this fic has inspired you to write - that's so cool :D

Now on with the show - at least it's a pretty long one to tide you all over until the next chapter!

:::

As the sun rose on the day after Sesshomaru gave Rin the naginata, he got up before the others, as had recently become his habit. Despite continued irritating nagging from the demon slayer - which the former Lord of the West had every intention to continue ignoring - while the others still slept, he set out just as the barest signs of dawn crept into the sky.

Hoisting the small sack over his shoulder that he normally kept a few clothes and lye in to bathe with but which he had now repurposed, the Former Lord of the West headed out at a trot. His boots pounded the dirt and mud, as he felt his body warm up from the activity. He ignored a kink in his back and another one in his left ankle. Running through the forest was not something he had done in a long time, and even this he barely considered "running", as he had known of it before, when he had had his beast form that could tear through stands of trees like they were made of ricepaper.

Passing by the creek bed where they drew their water from, he ran alongside the coursing stream, the current still up from prior days of rain. He passed the spot where he had chosen for his own baths and remembered why he was out here running like a fool - like it had the other day when he'd looked over his body, seeing the collection of wane flesh and bones and scars he'd become, something in the pit of his stomach clenched uncomfortably at the memory.

He had decided it - if he would go through with training Rin for the time being, he would also have to train his own body a bit. An old master could certainly be physically weaker than the student, but since he was neither decrepit nor old in his own right as he saw it, he would undertake whatever toughening of this weak mortal frame he could hope to accomplish.

So going ahead past his private bathing spot, he dashed forward and leapt across a series of stepping stones that spanned the waterway. His leg muscles sang at the stretch and impact, but he made quick work of the crossing. He paid no attention, as his boots soaked through with water splashed up from the current and stayed wet because he had no way to manipulate his body heat to dry them.

At last he came to a clearing, and dropping his bag from his shoulder, he launched into a set of martial arts forms he had not practiced since he was no taller than the height of his Lord Father's waist. Thrown hands and knees, feet swung in twisting kicks he reached back in his memories to recall, his limbs sliced the air in repetition until sweat rolled down his chest and back and gathered darkly in the creases of his clothing at his joints. He regulated his breathing and aggressively buried fears associated with the still lingering ache in his chest from his scarred wounds.

He had no right to train even one human woman if he could not get his weak impulses under control. That would be the mantra to which Sesshomaru would strengthen his mind in this body that seemed to yearn for everything it should not.

When his arms and legs started to quiver from the repeated motions, he leaned down and swept the bag off the ground. Running again, he returned to the creek bank, where beside it stood a particularly thick-trunked tree.

One time, at this point long ago, Sesshomaru had been prowling a Northern territory of the archipelago, outside his own lands, when he had stealthily passed by a team of human lumber cutters. He normally did not stop to observe the activities of the humans. However, being that they were a team of 30 more of them deep within the forest, these men caught the daiyoukai's attention where they had clustered by a group of particularly large trees. In the lengthening evening light, Sesshomaru had watched them out of the shadows, as one man out of about every six of them hoisted a tripled up length of rope around the tree in front of them. Then with the rope held in each of their hands encircling the tree trunk before each man, they leaned back. Then each lumberjack began to shimmy the rope up the opposite of the tree by slight exertions of the chest and back, while the feet walked up the side of the trunk. Finally, having ascended the trees to the point where they could sit on thick enough branches, some fifty or sixty hands off the ground, the men had used hand axes to cut thin green branches. At the time, Sesshomaru had guessed this activity required some particular skill from the humans, but the sheer physical prowess required for the task was almost definitely lost on him.

Now knowing the limits of his own human form though, he guessed that this would make a fine challenge for himself, and if mere lumberjacks could learn to do it, why couldn't he? Withdrawing the rope from his bag, which he tossed to the ground, he tripled the hemp up and brought it around the opposite side of the trunk. Then, he looped his hands through the twists he had made to support his grip. Measuring his next move, Sesshomaru leaned back feeling the stretch in his arms.

Going right foot first, he placed his foot on the side of the trunk and extended it, until shakily he had the left foot raised and then rooted flatly to the side of the bark, something which took more than a few attempts to his surprise. And then the hard part came: he would have to pulse his chest and shimmy the rope up the opposite side of the tree. He willed it in his mind, but then botched the coordination so that his feet slipped with a loud scrape off the bark. His footing lost, Sesshomaru found himself still gripping the rope but back on the ground.

Angrily he cursed, but soon after, he had his feet positioned on the tree again. At this point his palms had begun to burn a bit from the rub of the scratchy hemp. Again, his skin and his shoulder muscles tingled with fatigue from holding himself up. He breathed intentionally, feeling his body craving the air, and quickly his mouth turned dry. The Former Lord of the West was determined though. Telling himself not to overthink it, quickly he pulsed his chest and back, and the rope moved ever so slightly higher up the back of the tree. He pushed air from his lungs from the exertion, and his arms shook as the rope settled, and he commanded his legs and back to stay solid. He had done it - next he just had to take two more small steps up the tree before repeating the process.

Sesshomaru's arms screamed, but he shouted in his mind that it was irrelevant - he would advance. One, two steps, and he was a little further up the tree. It wasn't so hard was it? He pushed himself mentally before some dark part of his thoughts could quail. With another pulse, his already tiring arm muscles would need to catch the rope firmly against the tree again.

Doubt was for the soft minded, he commanded himself, and a moment later he willed the pulse, and nothing came. He released a seething sound between his teeth. How could his body already be so tired of this exercise that he could not order himself onward? Ridiculous, Sesshomaru told himself, as his shoulders screamed.

Hastily, he pushed his upper body into the pulse anyway.

It came out sloppy. His arms shook, and the rope slipped. One of his feet lost its flex that had kept it in place against the bark. In his shock, he grunted with an open mouth, and his feet pounded back to the earth. He stumbled back from the tree, and hot pain burned his left hand, as it lost the rope. He fell backward and pain burst from his lip: his left upper canine had clattered painfully down on his lower jaw with his lower lip stuck in between. At last, the ex-daiyoukai came crashing dramatically down on his ass in the dirt. Abandoned, the rope tumbled down beside the tree.

As soon as Sesshomaru's vision cleared from the impact, he leaned back and took a look at his hands. The flesh of his left palm in particular burned an angry red. The inflamed skin bore the marks of having been dragged against the hemp. The future blister throbbed angrily in a match for his wounded lower lip. He ran his tongue gingerly over the left side of his mouth, and tasting salt and metal, he confirmed the placement of the cut.

He had bit himself! Were these teeth not far more blunt than the fangs he had sported before? How in the world had that dull little bit of bone broken the skin? Surely, he hadn't expected it, but by now he really should have. If human skin is so fragile, truly what is the point? he growled to himself, as he pushed up off the ground. In his annoyance, he swept the empty sack and rope off the ground and stuffed the rope back inside the bag. His climbing exercise was at an end for today that was for sure, so he took off at a trot back through the woods to their cave.

So it was in such a state that Sesshomaru returned to the cave and came to stand in front of Rin. Awkwardly, she gazed up at him from where she tended a pot on the fire. Unthinkingly, her eyes roved, surprised that he approached her so directly and so suddenly. Before looking away as if uninterested, she found his shirt was somehow soaked through with sweat. Mysteriously, a bit of blood was just coagulating on his swollen lower lip.

He cleared his throat and adjusted his damp, white kosode collar. He had already thrown his blue haori off by his bed roll, tossing it messily aside in a way that Rin found rather un-Sesshomaru-like...

Was the white fabric of his shirt a little thinner than Rin had remembered? She ignored the heat running to her face, as she studied the sweat stains across his chest again, unable to avoid him as he seemed about to speak to her.

She was moving on with things she had told herself. She did not have time for feelings like that about him.

He stared down at her for another long moment before she averted her eyes back to her work at the fire pit. At last, he spoke her name.

"Rin."

"Sesshomaru," she replied in cold but polite acknowledgement, as she pretended to peek at the contents of her pot.

"The naginata - go get it. I will begin training you on it now," he pronounced.

Rin frowned. He hadn't talked to her in days outside of handing her a weapon, and this was where he would pick up conversing from? "I am doing something at the moment," she replied bluntly. She had been asking herself whether she was still particularly mad at him or finally getting numb and disassociated from the whole Harumura incident.

Now, as she had replied to him, she realized that she was definitely in fact still mad.

His expression remained passive, but as she looked up at him, she wondered if that was in fact a slight frown appearing on his face. It was too hard to tell though, and so she could only think he was either blissfully unaware of how uncaring he seemed or just simply uncaring.

"Fine," he answered after a long beat of silence. "I shall wait for your task to finish." Then, to a mild bit of horror on Rin's part, he stepped over to his bed roll with his haori tossed over it and planted himself on the rolled up pad. With his back against the cave wall across from the fire from where she cooked, he could watch her every move.

Which was exactly what he did. Thank the heavens she actually did have something to do and did not just purely make it up.

While Sesshomaru himself had been unconscious for those long, now distant seeming eight weeks, Rin had taught herself to shave his face. Fortunately, it had scarcely needed doing, as it appeared that even being human, he was not inclined to grow much facial hair. What had come out had been scant and patchy at best. However, by contrast, Kouga had barely been turned for a week, and whiskers bristled out in a beard that easily shaded in the space from jawbone to cheekbone. Therefore, Rin had told Hakkaku and Ginta she would show them how to shave his face. Given that they were still monitoring his health through his comatose state, they could not let the hair get much thicker anyway, so Rin set aside some boiling water and placed the straight razor she borrowed from Kohaku in it to sanitize. After she placed some rice to simmer in the remaining water in the pot, she called the two wolves in from where they sparred just outside the cave. Soon, they set to work with more boiled water and some oil Rin had kept from her sparse vanity set.

Rin applied the oil to condition the comatose man's skin, while Ginta and Hakkaku watched closely. Then, she showed them how to pull the blade over the stubble, applying only light pressure since they needed only to cut down the hairs there without damaging the skin. As she did so, she thought about how she no longer had Sesshomaru's straight razor. He must have taken possession of it at some point during their travels. His skin remained smooth now, so she realized that he must have kept up with shaving himself. Despite his erratic attitude, it seemed that vanity still mattered to him, something she noted a bit bitterly given how not much else seemed to matter to him…

She glanced briefly up at her one-man audience, but looked at him so briefly that she didn't really catch how closely he was still watching. Then, as she leaned in close to Kouga's body to shave the delicate skin around his nostrils, idly she wondered what Sesshomaru thought of her spending so much time and attention on another man's body.

She caught herself quickly though: Snap out of it, Rin. He doesn't think anything of it. All he wants is for you to finish what you're doing faster so he can get on to doing what he wants.

She shook her head minutely so that probably only she could identify the gesture, but it was enough to shake the deluded thoughts out of her mind. Having finished demonstrating how to do the area around Kouga's lips, she smiled gently and handed the razor to Hakkaku. Ginta dutifully wiped the loose whiskers up from where Rin had shaved already. The demon then took the warm cloth and rewetted it with hot water to lay over as a compress to loosen the hairs on the remaining cheek, like Rin had demonstrated. Hakkaku built up his courage and asked a few questions of Rin, before he carefully set to work.

Again pleasantly distracted with watching Hakkaku and Ginta care for Kouga, Rin thought about her interactions with the two wolf demons in the past week. She had been touched again and again by how gently and reverently they handled their friend's body, and how respectful and polite they were with Rin, as she helped them.

When they all first arrived at the cave, and she came to understand what they were and what kind of demons and creatures Kouga had reigned over, internally, she was horrified. Though she had stood up to her fears enough to fight one of the demonic wolves herself still did not change her deep-ceded fear of wolves. However, seeing the pitiful condition of Kouga's body and how sick Miroku had become, she realized she was the only one with so much experience caring for someone in this kind of coma, while it was clear Kohaku would look after his brother-in-law.

So despite her own trauma and raw feelings coming out of the events at Harumura Village, Rin managed to put aside her prejudices, and she helped the wolf demons care for their broken leader. Giving this level of care for another exhausted her deeply, but this time things were different Rin noted, as Ginta and Hakkaku were never far from lending a helping hand.

She listened to them talk to each other, and it wasn't long before they began to include her in their conversations. Importantly, they shared their fears of what to tell Kouga when at last he hopefully awoke, and Rin was reminded of how the weight of keeping the secret from Sesshomaru had exhausted her. She was glad that it was not her weight to bear this time, but still she found herself commiserating with the two demons. They seemed sure that they would do anything to serve Kouga and make sure saving him did not go in vain. Their loyalty warmed Rin's heart, and she could only wonder what Kouga had been like before he'd fallen victim to the attack to gain such devout followers; it was a stark contrast to Jaken, who had never returned to them for reasons Rin still could not fathom. As for Ah-Un, she found that she thought of the dragon as more of a steed than a servant; while the dragon's disappearance bothered her, as she had befriended it, she also remembered clearly that Sesshomaru probably had himself to blame for scaring the creature away. Therefore, watching Ginta and Hakkaku mainly reminded her of her own optimistic dedication to Sesshomaru's care. She only hoped that unlike Sesshomaru, Kouga would not eventually let his friends down by making clear he already saw his life as irreversibly forfeit.

Somehow, by now, Rin had begun to doubt this. From listening to Ginta and Hakkaku's stories, she understood that things had not always been the same under Kouga's leadership over the pack. The two demons talked almost exclusively about what things had been like since Kouga had met Kagome, Inuyasha's wife. Meeting Kagome had apparently entirely changed Kouga's perspective on humans and had contributed to his increasing closeness with other humans like Miroku and Sango.

They had felt strongly that coming to Miroku for help had been the right choice, though in the past they never would have had such an alliance without Kouga's foresight or fondness for Kagome. Meanwhile, the two told jokes about Inuyasha, with whom they reminded her frequently that Kouga had a strong rivalry. Still, they raved about Inuyasha's bravery and importance in the battle against Naraku, which apparently their late packmates had fought in alongside Kouga.

It did seem to perturb Ginta and Hakkaku though that upon receiving the message of Kagome's betrothal and marriage to Inuyasha that Kouga had continued to ignore his own pre-selected mate, a demoness named Ayame. The two wolves signed heavily and gazed at their master forlornly when this topic came up, so that Rin could only nod along to what she suspected was their way of showing concern for and bemoaning their good friend's heartbreak over a lost love.

No, Kouga sounded like he had to be quite a different sort of demon, and Rin could not help but like him already in spite of the sort of demon that he was. So as Rins' heart eased, the time spent helping him, Hakkaku and Ginta had improved as well.

Therefore, she felt herself slowing down a bit as she helped Ginta and Hakkaku clean up the shaving supplies. Eager to help her though they insisted on dumping the water, cleaning the razor as she instructed, and washing out the pot.

Soon enough, even the rice finished simmering, and Rin found herself with nothing more to do. It was after breakfast but before lunchtime. She gazed over at Kohaku, who was helping Miroku up from his bedroll, presumably to wash and relieve himself. Shippou and Kirara had gone to sit and talk with Ginta and Hakkaku who remained seated by Kouga, still proud of having helped shave him. With the others appearing distracted or otherwise at their leisure, she found that it was probably too early to find any reason to put lunch on at that hour.

And so, there she found herself without another thing to do, and only Sesshomaru sitting on his bedroll, watching and waiting intently for her.

"Are you done?" he asked, catching her looking his way.

She fought back a grimace. "Y-yes," she replied, answering less smoothly than she had planned. Getting it over with, this "training" he desired to give her, was for the best she told herself. Early though it was now, it would not be long before she could use the need to prepare lunch as an excuse to return to camp.

As he watched, Rin went to her section of the cave and grabbed the naginata where it leaned against the wall from the day prior. The blade was still wrapped in the fabric covering as, shocked to even receive it, she had not bothered to unwrap and look at the blade again since Sesshomaru first presented it to her. With the grip in hand, she came back to stand before him. Then nodding, he rose and led them out of the cave.

While the sweat stains were gone from his clothes, she was curious when, as following him, she noticed a decent amount of dirt and leaves clinging to the back of his clothes and hair. What had he been doing before he came back in to tell her he wanted them to train? Rin sighed. The now-man was full of mysteries, more than she ever could have guessed as she had grown up around the demon, and she was fairly sure she would have to resign herself to not decrypting most of them.

They didn't walk far, choosing an opening beneath a collection of trees ahead of where they had been going for their water. Around them, signs of spring coming in were evident. New, bright-green grass came up in patches around their feet, and tiny leaves speckled the tips of the branches overhead. The splashes green glowed in the midmorning light, radiating down in cool tones tempered by cloudy skies up above the branches.

Would it rain again that afternoon? Rin wondered idly, looking up at the sky. Given that it was just the two of them now, she was running out of places to look other than at Sesshomaru.

"Remove the coverings," he instructed. She noted he was rolling up his sleeves a bit. She hadn't really been listening. Had he been talking to her before that moment? She shook herself from her mental fog; she needed to just follow his instructions so she could get this over and done with. She looked at her own sleeves, close as they were to her wrists, they didn't really need securing. The day after they reached the cave, Kohaku had leant her a spare set of rough spun clothes he kept in his sack. He assured that they could get her new clothes that fit her better at the next available chance when Miroku was doing better.

Rin didn't mind - wearing borrowed clothes felt like no burden at all when she considered how close the fire had come to claiming her life barely the week before. The spare set of clothes were a natural shade of grey, a common color of dye to produce, and the cut was androgynous, more like the clothes that common daylaborers wore. Rin's frame was smaller than Kohaku's but as the sleeves and pant legs for this type of clothing were usually worn short and loose for functionality and universality of fit, it didn't matter much. The waistline was well held up with a set of ties, and a rough spun cotton belt secured the panels of the rough kosode top just fine.

So Rin placed the butt of the pole end of the naginata on the ground, and carefully, she unwrapped the fabric coverings over the blade.

The sharp metal edge gleamed dangerously, terminating just slightly above the height of her head. Rin swallowed, recalling suddenly that while she had confidence enough to use the dagger when she had needed to, this weapon seemed different. She couldn't help but feel a bit unworthy to wield it, knowing she had no experience with which to even start.

Standing a few paces away from her, Sesshomaru gazed at her, apparently studying. "Have you ever held a naginata or similar weapon, like a staff, before?"

Rin shook her head "no", and Sesshomaru nodded.

"As I suspected," he continued. "Pass your weapon to me." He motioned for how they could safely move the weapon between them. Strangely, Rin thought he winced as he took the grip into his hands, but in a moment the expression was gone, and he took the weapon's grip and repositioned his body.

With both hands spread shoulder width apart on the pole section, he held the naginata parallel to the ground with his arms extended so the pole was level with his hip. "This is the stance that almost all main attacks and blocks will start from," he explained, as Rin looked back at him, her eyes getting stuck a bit too long on the sight of his exposed forearms. His skin was still incredibly pale, so his veins stood out in visible contrast, taut to the lean muscles beneath them.

He approached her, and Rin fought an urge to flee in from a wave of awkward embarrassment. Can he see me ogling him? Why am I ogling him? She screamed in her mind.

"Now you - hold the naginata in the same manner," the former Lord of the West directed, as he passed the grip of the weapon back into her hands. For a split second he stood close enough to her that she wondered if she could smell his sweat at that distance, and for a moment she thought she did.

In a dreamlike state, Rin watched the weapon's grip pass from Sesshomaru's hands to hers, and finally, she spotted the nasty, inflamed blisters on his palms. Seeing Sesshomaru scarred at all still startled her for how rarely his appearance had ever been marred by imperfection in the years they spent together. Curiosity got the better of her, and her mind spun, as she wondered how he had injured his hands on top of his lip.

Then suddenly, Rin realized she had not exactly remembered how he had held the weapon.

She gnawed her lip in fleeting panic: how to place her feet, what distance to put between her hands?

After pausing a moment, she settled on what seemed okay...

Sesshomaru frowned, causing the fresh cut on his lip to stand out. "No, your body is turned forward too much, so your core is too exposed. Your grip is too narrow," he evaluated. When Rin looked down at how she was positioned but did not immediately correct it, Sesshomaru exhaled a bit sharply and came toward her again. "I will show you," he said.

In an instant Rin asked herself how close her heart could get to exploding without actually doing so. In a couple easy strides, he had stepped around the butt of the weapon and with his front to her back, he reached around the outside of her arms to nudge her hands into position. Next his feet moved against hers and helped shuffle hers into place. He explained that it was vital that her stance became less open, and so that she would aim to stand almost sideways from the direction she would brandish the weapon.

"You…" he paused in his explanation. Though he seemed to be searching for the words, he apparently had no idea how dragging out his proximity to her body was affecting Rin. Her palms gripping the weapon - held up by her arms, which he in turn had his hands around her wrists now - were beginning to sweat. She tried to make her excited breathing quiet and still her heart.

Oh kami, my heart - am I actually shaking or is my pulse just this strong? Can he feel my heartbeat all the way in my wrists?

"... make yourself a smaller target," she heard Sesshomaru's deep voice distantly somewhere beside her right ear. However, his woody scent - today mixed with heat and something like seasalt - falling around her from wisps of his slate-grey hair floating past his cheeks toward her own, was getting to be too much. It was like that memory from long ago, running lost through the forest, except now she was older. Now she had feelings that were entirely different than before. So as she stole a look at his hands encircling her wrists, his long fingers looked slender yet powerful. She pictured herself bursting into flame at the sight of her tan coloring contrasting with his skin that was so pale it was almost luminescent overlapping with her own. The fact that his injured palms felt blisteringly hot did not help matters at all. His skin against hers was far hotter to the touch than she could have imagined as she grew older, and the opportunities to touch him even innocently had grown fewer and fewer.

No, I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't want him to know about these feelings I've had like this about him. We're not close, we're not going to be close, Rin told herself, falling mentally deeper into the strain of her pounding heart. If only he would let her wrists go, she thought. If they weren't touching, she might be about to regain her composure -

With that, the grip of the naginata slipped from her sweat soaked hands. Just as shocked as her instructor probably was, Rin squeaked. Jumping, she felt the top of her head bang Sesshomaru's chin. She thought she heard his teeth clatter, as she inadvertently hit him, and instantly, he backed away. The naginata's long wooden form rattled, tumbling roughly across the dirt.

Mortified, Rin dove for the weapon on the ground and immediately didn't want to get up.

She heard him approaching, the crush of last fall's leaves signaling to her that she would need to face him soon.

Still, she couldn't help but think, He used to be like a dog, right? Maybe if I lay down and play dead…

:

Sesshomaru rubbed his jaw, as he backed away from Rin. He hadn't suspected she would not be strong enough to hold up the naginata, and he found it a little hard to believe.

Had his coming up to her scared her? He had not been particularly nice to her lately, so maybe that had not been the right move. Regardless, if her grip strength wasn't enough, that was more of a problem than whether standing next to him actually upset her that badly. Being the second time in two hours that he'd smacked his teeth together, his jaw felt a little more tender this time around, but the damage certainly didn't seem particularly impairing. Still, he decided to approach her a bit more slowly this time.

"What happened?" he asked plainly.

"I-I dropped it," she answered, her voice seeming a bit too quiet.

He watched her carefully for a moment, noticing the strain in her voice. This wasn't going that smoothly already, and he felt the problem was becoming clearer. Not usually that concerned with the feelings of others, he felt sure that the rift that had formed between them would not be so easily circumnavigated, and it appeared that their training would be impacted. However, for now, he remained determined to press onward.

"Hold the naginata up again in both hands, as I showed you," he directed, this time standing in front of her and just demonstrating what she needed to do. He could avoid touching her again for today at least.

When Rin was in position after a couple corrective comments from him, he continued, "Now as you are holding the naginata to the left of your body, your right hand is leading, and your left hand is closer to the weapon's butt and will provide the driving force for your thrusts. Let go with your right hand."

Rin frowned but then did as she was told, and she held the grip with a stable hold.

After Sesshomaru studied her grasp for a moment he nodded. "Jouzu," he commented approvingly.

"Now, thrust," he continued, and when she moved to replace her right hand on the grip he stopped her. "No, do it all with the left hand only. Thrust straight forward, and then how your arm extends, just hold it there."

Rin looked uncertain, but again she went through the motions as directed.

She held the naginata straight out in front of her for far longer than Sesshomaru at first guessed that she'd be capable of doing. Eventually, her wrist began to waver. He noticed as her lower lip twisted and caught under one of her canines. "This isn't fair," she said suddenly to his surprise. "It's not natural; I will not need to just hold it directly out like this for so long to fight. The weapon's light enough, I don't think I need to-"

Sesshomaru cleared his throat. "Keep your form," he said plainly before elaborating after a pause. Rin glared at him with a harsh look. "You are right - you won't typically need to hold it like that, but I see now that we should work on your grip strength, because your hands will need to be strong enough to hold the weapon one handed and not allow it to be swept out of your hands by your attacker's weapon. So we will practice like this and hold the naginata out longer and longer until you are strong enough."

"And when will that be?" the girl gritted out, no longer looking at him but focused entirely on her now roughly shaking wrist and arm.

Sesshomaru frowned. He had begun to realize that Rin's will was strong. He would not be deterred though - he would make sure she was proficient with this weapon before they were done. "When I say. Now, that's enough of this exercise. Let your weapon down," he ordered and walked around her with his arms behind his back, as he thought about what they should do next.

His student watched him with narrowed eyes, no longer cowed by the embarrassment of dropping the weapon. Ferocity could be a positive trait when tempered, Sesshomaru reassured himself against her hostility. He settled on their next exercise.

"Sheathe your weapon and lean it against the tree, " he instructed, and thankfully Rin took the order. When she stood in front of him again, he took them gradually through a string of calisthenics and martial arts stances. Each time her legs showed any sign of weakness, he reminded her that strong legs would be essential to her, especially if she hoped to fight against other naginata wielders. There would be those who would try to sweep her off her feet or trip her even if they did not come at her with blades. He would make sure she developed a strong defensive stance.

They passed through the last of the relevant forms that Sesshomaru could think up - he would need to spend a little more time preparing for their next session, he decided. How long had it been since he'd formally trained on the naginata? He grimaced inwardly, as he considered that centuries were probably involved in the estimate, but what else did he really have to do these days? He could fit dredging up old memories of his youth into his to-do list.

Sesshomaru turned toward the young woman. "Thank you for this training," he said with a slight bow, as this was how his masters had taught him to end training sessions. As he rose, he noticed the young woman wore a somewhat quizzical expression. Did she not know what was polite, he wondered? When he was about to tell her that he would receive her bow in return, she seemed to snap out of her thoughts and dipped her body the appropriate depth, lower than the master.

Then, without talking, they returned to the cave, and Rin immediately broke away to the fireside to make lunch.

From there, Sesshomaru's afternoon proceeded on, dirgelike. Rain came and went after lunch. Without willing it, he found himself suddenly asleep, seated on his bedroll. He only awoke when the explosive coughing of the monk ricocheted deafeningly around the cave walls. Sesshomaru asked himself how the man had not yet actually coughed up a lung in the past week. As it seemed that the Buddhist's lung would remain loudly lodged in place for a while, Sesshomaru studied his clothes. He had not bathed after a morning full of exercise, and now cool humidity had caused him to sweat again in his sleep. Scowling to himself - summer wasn't even here and he felt all he did all day was sweat and bathe and sweat and bathe - he rose and grabbed his bathing items and a fresh set of clothes.

Having removed the rope, he tossed everything in the sack from the morning, and he headed out to his own bathing spot by the stand of trees he liked. The sun was moving quickly out of the sky, as he cleaned himself. He noticed he was pushing to wash up faster, feeling regret at sleeping the afternoon away when he reminded himself that it didn't matter. Now that it seemed they were just stuck in the cave until Miroku and Kouga recovered, there was really nothing Sesshomaru had to do.

That is except for train Rin. He smiled to himself, as he scrubbed at his forearms a bit. That morning had been more challenging than he had thought it would be. Rin was stubborn, and he would need to overcome that. Her obstinance reminded him that he did enjoy certain challenges, and if there was anything he knew he was excellent at still, it was his knowledge of battlefield and weaponry.

But, he remembered there was a problem he was less sure about - which was how to get Rin to trust him - just enough - again. Having rubbed lye between his fingers and under his nails, he looked down at his hands and recalled the feel of his fingers wrapped around Rin's wrists that morning. How small her frame had felt, as he had reached around her to guide Rin's grip. Her skin had been very smooth and cool to his touch. His face had been inches from her hair, and while he found it disagreeable to his current goals that he had apparently frightened her, he realized he had memorized the sound of her over-pronounced breathing in his ears. In the past, he could have heard her breathing like this easily from yards away and farther; denied his ability to sense others like this from a distance, hearing her as he did in such closeness, set something off inside of him. He had not understood how he missed the pure sensation of the beings in the world around him. Now that he thought of it, he had taken the sounds and smells of Rin, who had been with him for quite some time, even by demonic standards, particularly for granted - things like the warm comfort of her heartbeat, as it slowed when she fell asleep. Innocuous and constant as it had been to be able to hear her alive and near him, season to season, year after year. Standing in the water, he worried his tongue over his split lip, and wondered, when could he regularly hear those little sounds like Rin's heart and breath again-?

Abruptly, his stomach flip-flopped so hard, he almost placed a hand to his middle to steady himself. However, he knew he had to snap out of this - instead he cursed and dunked his hands under the cool water to get the offending thought of standing so close to Rin out of his mind. Chills ran down his spine at the soothing sensation against his ragged, blistered palms, but it didn't seem to extinguish the dangerous spark of heat that still oddly smoldered slightly in the pit of his belly...

He could figure out how to resolve things with Rin next time they were together. Maybe it would come to him then, but Sesshomaru did not like this troubling feeling of- of distraction - yes, that's it - it was causing him just now. Focusing, he hurried up scrubbing himself down again, and once dressed, he stood combing his hair, but he felt unusually uneasy.

His minimal grooming routine done, the Former Lord of the West picked up his battle sword and dagger. He had kept the weapons directly in front of him, as he had dealt with his hair, and now he looked around, securing the two blades to his body and shuffling his bathing items promptly back into their bag.

The shadows had grown long in the early evening surroundings, making Sesshomaru miss his demonic vision that had made hunting in the low light like a predator second nature. However, though he was demon no more, he wondered if he still maintained something of a sixth sense, because the hair on the back of his neck prickled. He could neither hear nor see anything in his surroundings, but he felt sure something was there and had been there at least from the moment he had put down his comb.

Sesshomaru took one more step, pretending as if nothing was amiss, when in a flash he felt sure could rival or beat most humans at least, he dropped the bag from his left hand to grip his sheath, as his right hand drew his sword. Whipping to the left, sword ready, his eyes widened slightly at the sight a few yards from him, causing him to lower his sword.

"Sesshomaru, I'm glad to see that even as you train that human girl, you keep your own senses sharp - or as sharp as they can hope to be, I suppose," the demoness spoke from where she stood next to the dark trunk of a pine tree. Behind her the deepening forested shadows only enhanced the appearance that she herself seemed to glow, from her silvery hair to her snow while complexion and even her pearlescent white kimono. Her vivid facial markings along with matching lip paint and a waist sash of amethyst provided the only interruption to so much silvery-white, as even twin pins of silver shaped like hand fans nestled in her voluminously twisted coif.

"Mother," Sesshomaru replied and resheathed his weapon. No matter why she had come, whether to laugh at him or to kill him for what he had become, it would be pointless for him to keep it out. They both knew it could only be a mockery, barely a match to a single claw or fang from her. "To what do I owe this visit?"

Inukimi gave Sesshomaru a pointed look, similar to looks of reproof she had been wont to dispense to him in his youth. "Given the state in which you abandoned your manor, your mother suspected that something untoward had befallen you. Yet, this is not quite what I had expected."

"Mother, if you've come merely for your entertainment, I would ask that we part ways," he replied coolly, showing his lack of interest in her examinations of his current state.

Inukimi stepped toward him and out of the shadows. Her golden eyes glittered dangerously, as she moved into the last of the fading sunlight. Sesshomaru thought he saw her eyes dart to the hilt of his sword once more. His mother's mind worked similarly to his own - though banter helped prove he was himself, the situation fell outside normal expectations. There were times one could never be too careful. Finding him like this, every essential thing that had made her son himself completely changed, still had to be at least a bit of a surprise to the inuyoukai.

"I didn't come to laugh, Sesshomaru," Inukimi replied, once she was standing in front of him. He looked down at her, feeling funny, as he couldn't deny that though she was still smaller than him, she could obliterate him in a moment. Her expression was placid as ever, but her words said otherwise: "I was worried about you. Imagine when I found your pet, as well."

Sesshomaru looked where his mother had directed her amber gaze. Two long necked shadows melted into view from the trees. Sesshomaru looked back into the four doleful eyes of the creature, Ah-Un, and though his expression didn't change, a tinge of guilt curled slightly inside him. His last interaction with Ah-Un before it had disappeared had been particularly bitter. The dragon appraised him silently now.

"It had been hiding on the castle grounds. Thank goodness it came out of hiding before I left. It gave me one of the only clues to put things together to understand what became of you," Inukimi explained, crossing her arms in front of her.

Sesshomaru sighed. "Hn, and then I'll guess the other clue was Rin."

"Yes. I had predicted that the imp would be useless, if a crisis had occurred. Since I have not seen it with you, it appears that I was correct," she answered. While it was unexpected to him that Sesshomaru would find Ah-Un with his mother, the reminder about Jaken's resoundingly turntail character did almost sting a bit.

Sesshomaru shook it off. Not wishing to give away any feelings with his Lady Mother, he took advantage of the segue to turn away from her slightly, crossing his arms as well. "So you watched my training with Rin," he stated, drawing on her words from the past minutes.

"I did, because I was tracking her. I also needed to spend some time observing then to make sure it was my son she was with after all. It's not just your looks but your scent has changed significantly too," she stated, her sideways gaze in his direction and her tone of voice aloof to the point of sounding judgmental.

Sesshomaru recognized it easily as one of his own mannerisms and didn't acknowledge it with a response. So she continued: "How long have you been training her?"

This question surprised Sesshomaru. What does she care? He wondered but kept it to himself. "Today was the first day."

His mother hummed, noncommittal. "I see. I would have figured - even like this, I doubt you would settle for poor quality," she concluded, drawing an unamused frown from her son.

Clearly, Rin needed more training. His mother could see that. Sesshomaru wondered why she even bothered to comment…

Tiring of this, he faced the demoness directly again. "Mother, the sun is going down. It has been good to meet you again in this, my second life, but if we're through, I'll take my leave-"

"Sesshomaru, we're hardly through," Inukimi replied, her voice turned hard, as her gaze burned into his. Her look was defiant, and Sesshomaru yielded accordingly, re-shutting his mouth.

"You left the family territory completely unprotected without saying a word," she accused him head on.

Ah, Sesshomaru thought to himself. That perhaps had not been particularly wise, but to his credit he had also expected to be murdered by his numskull half-brother soon after abandoning the Western Lands, which would have rightly made it the hanyou's problem then. He cursed Inuyasha yet again. Maybe Mother is here to eliminate me then. I myself would probably do it for such a lack of filial loyalty.

Abruptly, Sesshomaru landed on his knees. He felt the damp earth soiling his clean pants, but it wouldn't matter soon. This could be his next best shot at a reasonable death. It wasn't ideal, but at least he'd provided Rin with a tangible source of protection in the naginata prior to his passing.

"Mother, I am prepared to accept my fate for deserting the Western lands," he said gravely, lowering his head so his neck would be exposed to his mother's attack.

A long pause passed, and Sesshomaru was about to check that the demoness was still there.

Suddenly she grasped him firmly by the neck, dragging him up roughly as she went. His heart threatened to hammer through his chest having not expected this kind of reaction.

Inukimi's hand was like an iron vice, but she clearly did not intend to kill. Out of the blue, he recalled times he had been naughty as a young whelp. His mother had dragged him by the scruff of his neck every time, establishing who was boss. As he had gotten older and stronger, it had become harder for her to do it, but clearly that was no longer an impediment for her now.

"Sesshomaru, do not insult me," Inukimi growled, having pulled him up and released him with a push back, so he could see her clearly, as he rubbed his neck. "How did you get like this? Who is responsible, for I know you would never choose this."

His mother was an astute thinker after all. Manipulating her anger would have been too easy. Sesshomaru understood now that he should have known better - his mother had a demeanor like a blunt instrument, but like himself, she could be quite calculating.

"I was attacked, but no one witnessed it. Rin found my body and requested aid from my half-brother's cleric, who was in the region. The man came of his own accord and bound human souls to my body on my follower's request to save me. Between the attack and regaining consciousness, I was comatose for almost two months. I never expected to live this long even after waking," he concluded his explanation under his mother's unwavering glare.

"And that's all you know," she stated, keeping him under her hard look. Though her words were missing a questioning tone, Sesshomaru understood it would be unwise to leave anything out at this point.

"The monk has a hair-brained idea that a black-furred inuyoukai that appeared in this region might have something to do with it." He sighed, as he said it, but it was the only other lead they had heard of.

"Good," Inukimi replied, her hands hidden in her sleeves, as she gripped her wrists demurely in front of her, like she had not just manhandled him. "Then, understand, Sesshomaru - your Mother will be looking into this for you."

Sesshomaru barely refrained from rolling his eyes. He had forgotten how dramatic his mother could be. He had chosen wisely to keep his expression reserved. Inukimi continued, her eyes still stern: "And in the meantime, you will not engage in rash behavior of any kind. I will find this attacker of yours, and they will pay dearly until you are returned to your rightful state of being. Our clan takes no such things lying down."

Sesshomaru closed his eyes. The gauntlet was down. There would be no arguing with Inukimi. Of course, the former Lord of the West would still do as he pleased, but he replied to his mother, as duty dictated. "Haha-Ue, doumo arigatou gozaimashita. Your unfilial son apologizes deeply for having to abandon the Western Lands," he said with a low bow in Inukimi's direction.

A moment passed, and his mother ordered, "Fine and rise, Sesshomaru. I have already extended forces around your border since I discovered your absence. Fortunately, these are comparatively peaceful times for our clan, and it seems your brutal reputation well proceeded you. There have been no reports of enemy encroachment, which of course makes the attack on you all the more odd, though clearly we will get to the bottom of it."

Sesshomaru nodded, unsurprised that his mother had handily secured things. It was no shock to him that she kept eyes and ears in as many places as she could, and he knew all too well that she was a greedy woman by nature. Extending her defenses onto the Western Lands probably came easily to her. However, his territory not withstanding, he actually did believe her when she said she was determined to restore his youki, even if the possibility of it happening still seemed highly unlikely to him after the stupid monk's cockeyed meddling.

"One more thing, Sesshomaru," Inukimi said, still facing him directly. When he gazed back at her, she continued: "Be careful, among the humans."

Sesshomaru looked back at his mother warily. From a woman who notoriously looked down on ningen like they were no better than ants, this seemed like funny advice coming from her. "Mother, now that I am more fully recovered, I am armed and better trained than most of them," he responded, thinking of words that would convince her to go away, since she thankfully looked like she was preparing to go.

"No, that is not what I mean," Inukimi countered, expertly ignoring Sesshomaru's confusion to his annoyance.

It was not the first time Sesshomaru had wondered how his father had dealt with her, even if supplanting her with a human wife also seemed like overkill as comebacks went.

"Remember, although you lived above them for so long, as you live as one of them now, you do not truly know the humans' ways, Sesshomaru," his mother explained to him like he was still a child, keeping her tone all seriousness. "It could be too easy for you to fall into a trap without even realizing."

"Mother, if it pleases you, I will be careful with the humans," Sesshomaru answered, when she showed no signs of leaving until he spoke.

She looked at him firmly, and well-practiced, the former demon kept his expression smoothly in place. Even if he couldn't promise not to eventually put himself out of this misery - his mother had centuries to seek his attacker, so time and its miserable passage were essentially abstractions for her kind, which he knew all too well - he was not about to let any more humans unfairly bring harm to himself or Rin.

"Very well," Inukimi finally said dismissively. "This little pet of yours and I will continue on our way in search of the one who did this to you. Inform me if you find anything else out," she ordered with a nod of her head, and Sesshomaru bowed in reply, as was expected. When he rose again, Inukimi and Ah-Un were gone, as if they had never been there at all.