Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
Note: Oh guys gotta do a note at the start here to say thank you for the love toward this fic at the end of 2021. Warms the cockles of my little heart to see how many people were reading in December - love you, dear readers, and hope your holiday was the best!
Also very special thanks to Inusesshyfan, sorrellkaren, and anime weabo for your faithful reviewing! You guys are great, and I'm so glad you're along for the ride and enjoying the fic. (hugs!)
It's January, and for some of us the weather is pretty cold this time of year. Finally time to start edging the heat just a wee little bit on our slow-burn. Therefore, excited to have a little tempo change coming in the story for you all, so just a little public service announcement: We're gonna begin hitting some notes toward earning the M-rating in coming chapters (eeeee!) As ever, please read with general care and discretion, dear readers ;)
Now, on with some light teasing for you guys - all I have to say is Sesshomaru, our poor boy, being human can be rough.
Enjoy! Origamikungfu.
:::
Eating. Eliminating. Bathing. Sleeping. These were the things Sesshomaru begrudgingly accepted that his body needed to do on a repeat basis.
No matter how annoying. No matter how inconvenient the regularity of that cycle.
Being human meant that he had no choice but to fulfill these requirements at the next available opportunity. Case in point, the week he began traveling with the monk's scraggly crew, he tried to keep awake all night, whether leaned against a tree or in his bed roll. Really, it wasn't that he and Rin had not slept outside on their own before - they had. It was that since then, Sesshomaru had learned more, firsthand, about the cruelty of humans. Worse yet, now the idiot monk was choosing their sleeping locations, which meant that Sesshomaru was not. And the former Master of the Western Lands didn't really feel like waking up to have his and Rin's throats slit just because their "chaperones" didn't keep watch or sleep lightly enough.
Needless to say, he had miscalculated both the apparent need to do this and, secondly, his ability to stay awake himself. Staying awake the few nights he had managed it, made the Former Lord of the West feel like death-warmed over, reminding him of how much better he had come to feel since coming out of his coma. Weeks of erratic sleep had followed his regaining consciousness, and still unfamiliar with the demands of his new form, including the healing process he was going through, he had realized how wretched he had been back then. More recently, self-inflicting such poor sleep replicated the same terrible jumpiness he had experienced post-coma. Then, there was the fact that the nekomata's senses seemed to be sharpest out of any. While the little demon did not rouse from allies stepping around camp, any noise from a foreign source in the night had her up and hissing loudly. The cat demon's reaction was not always appreciated when the alarm turned out to be nothing, but Sesshomaru found himself doubly convinced that forgoing sleep was not an option.
On this particular morning, however, the ex-demon decided firmly that he had discovered a fifth, decidedly embarrassing thing to add to the list. It was not the first time that this specific need had come glaringly to his attention first thing in the morning in recent days. Yet unlike with the first four regular "requirements", Sesshomaru had yet to determine if this affliction was common or somehow just pertaining to him.
Slowly, he turned over in the early morning darkness. The cave would only be lit by the weak embers from the fire that had gone low in the night, but Sesshomaru still had his eyes shut, not really awake. The space between the blankets had reached a comfortable warmth, neither too hot nor too cold as he had taken to sleeping with the most minimal clothing. The season was getting warmer, but the nights were still cool. He supposed he had been quite comfortable, when that sensation began to sneak up, cutting through his dreams.
He turned to readjust and felt the brush of the sheets very acutely.
Probably too acutely. Then the pressure –
Building in his loins.
Sesshomaru clenched his teeth, as that began to throb rhythmically, uncomfortably under the covers.
Fuck.
His eyes snapped open. Carefully, very carefully, he passed a hand by his groin.
There it was. Awoken by a raging erection. Yet again.
Internalizing a sigh, he closed his eyes. Maybe it would go down soon, if he fell asleep again.
Several minutes passed, and he was reminded that, so far, they evidently did not "just go down".
The former Lord of the West had not had issues like this since probably his first 20 springs, as a whelp, and then truly never again. Random, unprovoked erections were simply just not a thing for daiyoukai such as himself.
So now, this felt like a curse - and this happened in his sleep, not even when had been doing a thing such as to initiate the sexual act! Sesshomaru bemoaned it, as he debated whether to get up and go outside like he would to relieve himself or possibly try to take hold of himself and just massage it down under the bedding.
He had just considered how risky the latter could be, a false move easily resulting in a need to take his bed roll down to the water for laundering at the next chance, when around the fire, the monk snapped up from his bed.
Almost scared to death by the sudden commotion, Sesshomaru shrunk down in his bedding, not wanting to be noticed. A moment later, silent annoyance replaced the prior emotion, as he felt his cock harden back up in spite of his startlement.
It seemed Sesshomaru would not be getting up to handle himself though. Quickly, choking sounds coming from the sick monk turned to wet coughing, and the slayer was stumbling over, half tangled in his tossed back blankets.
Boner still threatening, Sesshomaru listened motionlessly in the dark, as the slayer breathed his brother-in-law's name into the dark.
"F-fuck," the monk gasped, pounding his chest and expectorating wheezily. Gazing discreetly out of the corner of his lowered eyelids, Sesshomaru noticed how the slayer lifted the edge of the Buddhist's bedding up to his face for a better look in the darkness.
"Miroku, this is blood," Kohaku breathed so that Sesshomaru could barely hear.
"I know," the monk replied.
The slayer continued to stare at the fabric between them. "How long?" he asked.
"It just started," the sick man replied, his voice thin, as he clenched his hands to his chest. "I'm going to have to do something today," he finished wearily.
Before long, daylight began to whisper in through the cave entrance beyond where the two men huddled within Sesshomaru's sight. The former Lord of the West cursed.
Moments seemed to drag on. Dawn had arrived, and it looked like he would miss getting out to train on his own before the group would be awake to hassle him. Of course, that would be less of a problem compared with his current situation.
Fortunately, at last the slayer returned to his bedroll, apparently deciding to lie back down for a bit, while the monk had already laid down back on his pillows a good time before that.
Still not wanting to be caught in such a state, Sesshomaru remained in bed. Fortunately, at last he felt the pressure subsiding. Having learned though, he knew well enough it would be back, and so in the quiet he planned how he would go to "his" bathing area. He would take care of this "requirement" for the day. Since they had come to rest at this cave, and he felt himself falling further into a routine for the past days, he had begun to find this nagging feeling threatening in his nether region more regularly, even while awake.
In his bed, Sesshomaru grimaced in horror. No - unacceptable, he immediately thought.
To perish the thought that this could happen when he was up and about in broad daylight - Sesshomaru would indeed handle himself each day like some baser creature, if that's in fact what it would take.
At last, the slate-grey haired man decided that it was safe to get out of bed, having gently pulled on his hakama beneath the covers. Standing up, he got his kosode on, and then quietly left the cave to check bathing and eliminating off his list in addition to, well, the newest addition to his requirements.
So feeling relieved, Sesshomaru came back up to the cave entrance around the time that Rin would normally be up, getting ready to serve breakfast. He stopped in the middle of a contemplation about how much time he had to fit in a work out for himself later in addition to training Rin again, when he saw everyone standing around the monk's bedroll.
From where he sat up in bed, the monk turned to look at Sesshomaru, and weakly raised a pale hand to motion him over. Sesshomaru signed but complied. Once he was standing as close as he wanted to be to others, the monk started to speak as best he could.
"I appreciate everyone's concerns about my health," he practically whispered. "Kohaku and I discussed it a bit more today. Since my condition's worsening, it looks like I have no choice but to go to Kagome's home era."
Sesshomaru's eyebrows raised slightly at this bit of news. He could hardly say it was a surprise that the monk needed to go based on his condition, but the former demon couldn't help but spare a glance at the slayer. As predicted, Kohaku wore a conflicted, dour expression, and Sesshomaru managed not to roll his eyes. It was all over the young man's face: his brother-in-law was leaving, and he, the slayer punk, would be in charge and was probably already worrying over how to nag his cursed, former-youkai charge into line.
Hn. Sesshomaru would like to see him try.
"The plan is that I will come back, as soon as I have been treated. Until then, I want you all to stay here. Even if Kouga wakes up while I'm still gone, he will still need at least a few weeks' rest - isn't that right, Rin?" the monk asked, looking at the young woman, who also wore a serious expression.
"Yes, that's probably right," she replied quietly.
"This should be a good place to do the recuperation then for him, and the rest of you probably could do with some more rest anyway, if I had to guess. That said, Sesshomaru, Rin, to you in particular, I believe that you will be in good hands with Kohaku and Shippou. If it was not so necessary for me to go now for my health, I would not leave you, but I will come back as quickly as I can."
Hearing these assurances, Sesshomaru scoffed, in part at the presumed need for supervision and in part at the monk's seeming certainty at a "quick" return. He wondered if the man had shared with the others that he had been choking up blood that morning. Sesshomaru had not been human long, but he was no fool: he had slain enough men in his time on battlefields to know that coughing up blood was often one of the last things ningen did before meeting pathetic ends.
Miroku gazed up at everyone crowded around him, his eyes lingering longer on Sesshomaru given the derisive sound he had made. "I have to ask that you all try to treat each other nicely while I am gone," the Buddhist said in a knowing tone.
Sesshomaru glanced the slayer's way, just as Kohaku sighed audibly.
"Miroku, I still don't like this. You don't seem well enough to go alone," the demon slayer interjected.
The monk closed his eyes wearily. Although he had been whispering, his voice had been relatively clear, but now it broke when he spoke again. He tried to clear his throat, but his voice strained: "Kohaku - - we have gone over this - I will not be alone because Kirara will fly me. It's maybe a day's journey. I will be fine."
Kohaku frowned. It would have even been better if Hachi had been able to go with him, but they had not really been anticipating this turn of events, so the raccoon dog had left a few days prior to check back in with Mushin. However, forced to drop the issue by his sister's husband, the younger man pursed his lips coldly and fell silent.
The monk then nodded to them all before getting out of bed. He wobbled despite some help from Ginta who had been closest and reached in quickly to steady the sick man by his arm. The monk looked frail in his disheveled vestments. While it wasn't as if Sesshomaru particularly cared about the monk beyond festering desires to make man pay for what he had done to him, based on the ex-demon's more recent goals about Rin, he supposed it would be better if mortal danger did not befall Miroku. He would have agreed with the slayer, whom he decided could be a more formidable strategist than the monk merely based on Kohaku's prowess on the battlefield, that traveling only with the nekomata probably wasn't wise. But since no one was asking him, Sesshomaru headed back to his spot around the fire to silently watch the Buddhist prepare to go.
A short time later the former Lord of the West observed, as Rin was the last one to approach Miroku. With her back to Sesshomaru, she politely bid the monk a good trip and a swift recovery. As she bowed delicately, her long black hair fell over her shoulders. Even donned in the rough, grey clothing she had gotten from the slayer, Sesshomaru could plainly see the smallness of her frame from the diminutive build of her back. He would be changing that - he, Sesshomaru, would make her stronger so that even if the blasted monk never came back, and Sesshomaru and Miroku went down together in a grisly fate like the monk feared they were cursed with, she might actually stand on her own in this dangerous world.
Filling with determination again, Sesshomaru waited out the morning. The monk finally left, and gradually the commotion of his departure diminished. The atmosphere among the group stayed a bit somber. Sesshomaru himself was more annoyed than bereft like the others: to his displeasure the slayer and the kitsune remained loitering around the cave entrance, listlessly conversing with each other ever since their friend left, meaning that if Sesshomaru wanted to go out soon he would have to make a point of walking practically through both of them. No matter what, the slayer, and even sometimes the kitsune, always seemed to have something to say about where Sesshomaru was going, and the confrontations were getting too tedious. He preferred to avoid it altogether any chance he got.
So forced to put off his own training for the day, Sesshomaru sat on his tied up bedroll and plotted a more rigorous training session for Rin. He could just fit his training in together with hers or perhaps after it, he reasoned.
Therefore, when the time came in the afternoon that Sesshomaru had chosen to prod Rin out to the spot they had used the day prior, he was bursting with energy. Sesshomaru even found himself grateful that, in their combined brainpower, Shippou and Kohaku did not bother him about taking Rin out to practice the naginata. Even their silent glares they still gave him, as she and he headed outside, didn't bother Sesshomaru as much.
However, it was when Sesshomaru started out by directing Rin to lean her sheathed naginata against a tree that Sesshomaru's excitement proved too hasty. The long, unreadable look she gave him upon his order came up like a veritable wall of ice. Immediately his innards clenched, as he berated himself. He had managed to pushed off considering how to deal with this problem yet again between his mother's intrusion the night before and his, well, physical distraction earlier that morning.
Rin did as she was told, but Sesshomaru felt himself on edge at the evidence of her persistent coldness. Still according to his plan, the martial arts forms portion of the lesson was first. Hoping to delay the inevitable, he commanded himself to expertly push down his concerns. Calmly enough, he demonstrated a string of forms for her he had just remembered the night prior when he was preparing for sleep. The poses included basic motions of the arms, but focused mainly on control of footwork, which she would need for mastery of her weapon. After having Rin watch his movements along with his instructions, he then motioned for her to mimic what she had seen.
She gazed at him, that same odd expression still there on her face, unsettling him and making the background functions of his mind rush. Unsure what to expect, he felt relief, when then taking a deep breath, she proceeded to move.
Perhaps her obstinance was more in his mind. He needed to keep telling himself it was only a challenge to overcome.
And his hopes were bolstered, as her first motion showed promise, until suddenly her flow turned halting. Rin bit her lip, and her arms moved sloppily. Sesshomaru looked her up and down, as she moved.
"Stop," he said plainly, despite his internal tumult. "Your legs and feet stopped moving because you were too focused on your arms."
Rin looked down. Her tone was terse, "Sorry, it's hard."
Sesshomaru frowned. That's all, and she looks like she's giving up? He wondered to himself and then replied,"This is a novice move. Watch me."
He noticed his student's brow furrow frustratedly, but he carried on with what he was doing.
He went through the motions again, emphasizing the descriptions of the moves, so she had to remember what to do. However when he stepped aside to allow her a turn again, again she messily fouled the motions after the first few actions.
"You're not paying attention," he concluded aloud, hoping that was all there was at play here. These motions were not hard though. His childhood instructor would have rapped his palms with a reed switch for such poor memorization.
Rin gritted her teeth and lowered her head. He looked down at her. Sesshomaru had not really encountered behavior like this in his presence before. He also certainly could not recall her ever acting this way in her younger years with him. No, this rebelliousness had come later; and more than that, he supposed he had not really had any demands of her prior to his being attacked…
"I am - I- I don't know how- I don't know why you… " she mumbled, her voice tight and low, as she trailed off.
Sesshomaru braced himself. "Rin, what is it about this that is making you behave this way?" he asked directly, though this was the moment he had been dreading. There was no use in being indirect here, Sesshomaru decided. He already found himself embarrassed that he had put this confrontation off as long as he had. It wasn't anything the Former Lord of the West couldn't handle, right?
Unfortunately, just at that moment it seemed that his hands had betrayed him, as an unfamiliar cold sweat popped out on his palms. No matter, Sesshomaru thought. He would ignore it, he told himself.
Rin's face snapped up suddenly, completely reddened. He tried not to show his surprise at what he now saw was clearly anger on her part.
So he had not been wrong. All his machinations to drive a wedge between them paired with his aloofness and failures to take notice of her had worked. Suddenly his sweaty palms seemed a little more noticeable, while it felt like the pit of his stomach was starting to do something odd again. Her ire was more than he expected, but he had made a promise to himself.
Sesshomaru owed her and there was no way around it: victory could only come by doing better by her for as long as he was still around her. He had to do whatever it took to train her in the naginata.
Sesshomaru kept his silence, as he reasoned as quickly as possible what to say. He essentially had no practice in explaining himself under such circumstances. In his past, his fangs, claws, and swords had always answered challenges to his plans for him, including the times he may have made mistakes, which made errors on his part all the less meaningful. Yet, he predicted, after pondering it again and again, aggression was not going to get him what he needed here. Their argument in Harumura where he had openly attacked her actions looked like a strong indicator that he needed to go the less used path.
Still, his question hung heavily on the air for a long moment. At a loss for how to go further, Sesshomaru had just begun to wonder whether she expected him to speak again, when at last she replied.
"That depends, Sesshomaru, on what you think the 'this' is that is making me upset?" she burst out, apparently no longer holding back.
Sesshomaru swallowed and looked back at her carefully, thinking about keeping his cool. After a moment, he could not see how the following rationale could be wrong. Also it seemed the least incendiary out of most of his choices, and so he answered, "If it is my intention to provide you with the naginata and training on it, I cannot see why that bothers you. It is a useful skill I am imparting to you, as this world we are living in is clearly dangerous."
"You think, Sesshomaru?" she shouted rather irrationally sounding, and Sesshomaru failed to understand at first. "I'm glad to know you've noticed the risks and danger I've also been through since you have a pretty terrible way of showing your concern! You still have not asked me how I have been even once since Yaga!"
Sesshomaru quailed, and he wasn't even sure he kept the reaction from his face. He knew all too well he had kept away from her, and it was clear he would face the consequences. However, there was one true thing he could say that was on his mind, as he tried to reason out why she was so devastated over his neglect.
"I actually did not think you would wish to really speak to me on a personal level, given all that has happened to you as a result of being my companion," he replied. He admitted he was actually interested to know what she could say to that. Given her anger at him, it seemed like she really wasn't pleased to interact with him even now.
The young woman stared at him like he was daft. She took a few steps backward across the forest floor and away from him, as she hugged her arms defensively around herself. Her voice shook with hurt, as she spoke: "Sesshomaru, I have been upset with you, but basically just ignoring someone after they were nearly raped, subjected to your bad temper, or killed on different occasions, even when you yourself have come close to harm, is not okay. I didn't think I would have to tell you, but that completely hurt my feelings. It seems like you have no regard for me whatsoever, no matter what I do for you."
Sesshomaru looked down at her, processing what he had heard. The laundry list of bad instances she had been subjected to made it sound worse, and he had not realized that almost being raped had been on it. The fact of it had not really registered with him, as he himself had never considered Rin an object of sexual desire. She had always just been there, being Rin, the odd human follower of a demonic lord. He wondered when it had happened that he hadn't noticed she would be violated.
Then it fell together in his mind: this was why she must have kept bringing up what happened in Yaga despite several other awful things happening since then.
Sesshomaru felt sick. It was true he had meant to hurt her feelings because he meant to drive her away from him. He was no longer the "hero" Rin had described him as from her childhood memories. He knew that too well even before this moment, but it bothered him that she refused to accept that. Now he realized that he had done damage to an excess he had not intended.
When always higher in rank than others, it was too easy to forget the meaning of respect outside of oneself because more often than not it did not matter how he treated others; they always did what he wanted anyway. However, he was seeing it now too late: Rin had come to expect his regard, as she perceived they had grown close during his convalescence before the events at Yaga. Sesshomaru himself had felt it form and even enjoyed it like a fool, for which he hated himself. That was why he had determined not to repair the new growth in their relationship, but in the process he made Rin feel disrespected, shamed. It explained her simmering ire.
Of course she did not want his instruction now. He knew that facing her and asking for her trust again would be difficult, but thoughtlessly, he had not considered how badly he had destroyed it. He fought an unfamiliar sensation that made him want to tell her to forget things entirely, that she was right to not want to speak to him again - he would be out of her presence in but a moment –
But he couldn't do that. He realized he must have looked stupid standing there speechlessly, which caused him to realize the last time he had such a feeling had been as a pup. It was a very, very distant memory - his mother had been called when he had wet the bed. Having been closer with his animalistic instincts at that age, the feeling of standing in front of his Lady Mother like an actual dog with its tail between its legs came through strongly in Sesshomaru's memory.
His behavior was… humiliating.
"I'm… sorry," he said, the words slowly falling out of his mouth.
Rin's eyebrows shot up. "What?" she murmured with a look of disbelief.
Sesshomaru also could scarcely believe he had spoken the words either. The list of beings who had ever merited sincere apologies from him for anything totaled with barely a few names in the course of centuries.
A couple of those were dead.
And certainly, none of them were human.
Sesshomaru licked his lips, even more uneasy with the unfamiliar conversational terrain. "I – It may sound like an excuse, but I did not realize what I was doing caused such offense to you. Nor was I aware of all the occasions of threat that came to you. My actions have been preoccupied, and I am not who I once was."
He looked at Rin carefully when she remained speechless. Thankfully, he found his next thought quickly enough. Noticing her attention was totally on him despite the way she still held her arms around herself, he carefully took one, two steps closer to her, as he spoke: "You- do not need to like me - in fact that's perfectly understandable. There have been misunderstandings between us, too much to repair on both our accounts. However, while I still can, I need to repay to you what you have lost by your connection with me. It is my crime that I failed in my prior position."
Rin's expression had changed considerably, as he spoke, and she also had not moved away from him again. While her hurt was still evident in the way she looked up at him past her deeply lowered brows, perplexation was added to the list. "But Sesshomaru –," she tried to start.
"No," the Former Lord of the West interjected. "I can help you avoid such future reliance on others - thus the naginata, thus the training I offer. The departure of the monk today should serve as reinforcement of the necessity of this, not to mention your own observation that I should have trained you well before this.
"Only your effort to master the weapon is required. Can you accept this?" he asked, trying to remain as clinical as he could in his approach. If charm and deception could only drive her away, he would make clear the offer was as no-strings-attached as could be. He would make sure she got back whatever energy she put into it with him – not like on past occasions – and then they would finally be even.
His former follower listened to him quietly, her lips pressed together into a hard line. When he was finished, she stepped and turned away from him, hiding her face from him for a moment, as she went. When she looked back at him again from the corner of her eyes from a protective half-turn, one shoulder, one foot angled in his direction, she replied, "I can accept these things you offer. However, I do not accept your method of training: something needs to change."
Sesshomaru's feelings flowed from relieved to vexed all over again; however, he bit his tongue to stem potentially disparaging comments. He would exercise control to meet the goals he had set for Rin, just as he had vowed. "What other methods are there?" he asked simply.
Looking surprised again at his apparent receptiveness, she answered, "I have no fighting experience at all. I need to see the moves step-by-small-step. I cannot see and memorize specific chains of moves like you have expected of me. I need you to start me slow and from the basics – and you cannot get impatient."
The ex-demon felt a vein in his temple quirk at the last of these requirements. However, he kept it in check, his sense of cool gradually returning to him. He felt himself calming. Apparently, his answers at the most difficult part of their conversation had been satisfactory enough for Rin. "Fine, the training will change according to your request," Sesshomaru replied, facing the young woman head on. "However, while I will not be impatient, understand, weakness will not be tolerated either. Can we agree on this?"
Rin straightened her body finally as well.
"Yes, I believe we can," she answered, and secretly each of them sighed in relief.
The understanding between them seemed to have come to a head - at least for the moment.