Dying to Live

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Note: I had fun getting a few more comments from readers that you all enjoyed Sesshomaru discovering his little "morning problem" a few chapters back!

So I got excited and decided you all deserve another little teasing treat at the start of this chapter to savor for a bit! ;) With that - hope you enjoy!

:::

Rin breathed deeply, as the naginata's tip passed smoothly through the air. She finished the motion, excitement tempting to swell in her chest. Yes, I think I really got it this time, she thought to herself.

She hazarded a glance out of the corner of her eye at her instructor. As usual, Sesshomaru's look was impassive while he watched her with sharp eyes.

The girl was just beginning to double-guess her skills again, when suddenly his voice came softly over the early springtime forest sounds: "Good," he said. His tone was neither firm nor eager, just the former youkai's usual, even delivery, but her heart rose in her chest.

"Really?" she smiled beginning to relax out of her final stance–

"Wait," the slate grey-haired man ordered, and she looked back at him. His ash-brown gaze was penetrating, as it fixed on her from above his long, slender nose. A chill ran down Rin's spine - she wasn't used to getting this kind of singular attention from him. It was different than when they had traveled together in the winter - before the attack at Yaga at least, things had been companionable, but what was between them now seemed like something else.

Rin shook her head, as he approached and told her to get back into stance. As she did so, the young woman thought about calming her mind. They had just made up with each other, at least as much as Rin believed they could - she still did not yet trust him fully after his general disregard for her feelings. She reminded herself that he had basically only indicated that he wanted to instruct her in order to make up for things - that was all.

And if she knew her former lord, there was one thing Sesshomaru could definitely be: painfully blunt and dully literal.

Which added to her surprise in what was about to happen next. "I will show you," Sesshomaru said, his tall, lanky form passing around and stepping up close behind her, out of her direct line of sight.

Oh kami, her mind rushed, as her stomach tightened and sweat rushed out on her neck - and not just from the exercise she had been doing.

Gently, she felt her feet being pushed into position. Hesitantly, she ducked her head, watching as his much larger ones, hidden away in their boots, nudged at her instep.

Had this happened before? Rin asked herself. It had, she was sure. In fact, she had gotten nervous and dropped the naginata out of her sweaty palms. She almost didn't dare breathe, lest she do the same again.

She liked how close he was, and she didn't want it to stop, though she knew it couldn't last.

Sesshomaru's breath tickling her lobe was the first sign he was much closer to her than she had previously even thought. "Like this," the former demon's rich baritone rang in her ear.

Rin's heart raced, and she was glad that he could no longer hear like he used to. She swallowed roughly, as his hands encircled her bare wrists like they had that day before.

A tendril of the former Lord of the West's slate-grey hair fell over her shoulder. His piney scent filled Rin's nose, and she panicked: If this continues, I'll drop this thing again for sure. Her thoughts loud in her mind, haunting her, she began to turn, when his breath hit her left ear again.

"Don't, you are doing fine," he breathed.

Those encouraging words seemed to wrap around Rin like an embrace. The words were nothing special, but coming from Sesshomaru, they seemed to speak volumes.

When had he ever spoken to her like this? Suddenly, she realized that her hands were not sweaty at all; her grip on the naginata was just fine, but a certain buzz had taken up elsewhere in her body. She felt an abrupt desire to turn and look at the man behind her.

However, while she had been distracted, his long pale fingers had traveled up her arms, pushing the short wide cuffs of her borrowed shirt's sleeves almost up to her elbows.

"Not, yet - we're not finished," he spoke, the words firm but the sound of them soft, as he held her there facing away from him.

Rin's breath hitched her in her throat, as she realized something different was happening.

Something she had wanted very much. It had been awhile since she had last thought of it, and her heart clenched in anticipation, as this time was so much more than she had previously imagined.

Unable to push her sleeves any higher, his fingers had passed over the material up to her shoulders. With absolutely no desire to stop what was happening, usually quick with her words, Rin didn't bother to ask what Sesshomaru was doing. The buzzing in her body had settled and begun to heat things up at the base of her core.

Stopping wasn't an option when it was like this. Rin already knew that. Behind her, his firmness cupped the back of her body perfectly, with every sensation she could have thought she'd want. He was so much taller than her, and the way he surrounded her reminded her of their height difference making her blood rush. She felt her fingers wriggling eagerly on the naginata, desperate to put it down and touch –

"Don't put it down - keep holding it," he indicated gently. She thought of protesting, though it would have been mild at best.

That was until the fingers of both of his hands slipped inside the neckline of her shirt, electrifying Rin's skin.

Carefully, her former lord pulled the folds of fabric gently down and apart until her pale shoulders down to the top of her chest were exposed to the balmy air.

Rin breathed shakily. Oh, she wanted it so badly. "I won't let go," she ground out, saying whatever she thought would make him keep going, even though it didn't really make sense anymore.

Slowly, his hands drifted across her hot skin, and she reached out with her mind struggling to memorize the sensation as his fingertips disappeared under the fabric to grip her –

"RIN!"

She gasped deeply, rocketing up, as the dim orange of the firelight flashed in her eyes.

Quickly, her hands flew to the front folds of her shirt, as her eyes darted around in the otherwise very dark surroundings.

The sweaty fabric under her shaken hands told her she was covered. A warm, long-fingered, steading hand came up to her back. Her eyes found the face of the one who had called her name.

"K-Kohaku?" she asked, staring him in the eyes. His hair was down out of its usual tie and tousled, likely from sleep. The concerned look on his face, his expression crinkled under his light dusting of freckles, told her that she probably looked like she had just seen a ghost.

"Yeah, Rin, are you okay? Was it another nightmare - was it the wolves again?" he asked, his expression all serious with worry.

Rin swallowed, forcing herself to regulate her breathing. She was grateful that apparently she did not give off any particular signs of the sort of dream she was actually having. She had had many nightmares about the wolves, but she couldn't exactly say what this one was about this time even though it wasn't a nightmare…

"I - I'm not sure. I'm so sorry, you must have been asleep… Was I being very loud?" she decided to ask quickly, her cheeks threatening to burn. She was glad it was still fairly dark in the cave, morning not quite there yet.

"Not really. Actually I was already sort of awake when you started sighing loudly and breathing fast," he said, touching his face slightly in thought. "I guess it wasn't so bad, but I know you have been having more nightmares, so I guess I got worried. I'm sorry I woke you," he finished looking a bit sheepish.

Settling down, Rin shook her head. Being awoken had been startling for sure, and she had really wanted to know how that dream was going to turn out. Still, she couldn't be mad at Kohaku at all. So far, he always seemed to have her best interest at heart, not to mention how he had saved her from the fire. Sesshomaru too had saved her many times, but by comparison, Kohaku was not reluctant to show his warmth and kindness toward her…

"It's okay," she gave a small smile. "It was just a dream - I'm glad you woke me," she answered, before Kohaku gave her a hopeful look.

"That's right," he said kindly. "Would you like to lean against me until you fall asleep again?" the slayer offered, as he had before when she had awoken on other nights since Harumura Village with very bad dreams. Tonight had really been quite exceptional, as she found herself with this dream that had been anything but a nightmare.

If anything, she decided it was probably a sign she had neglected certain things for a bit too long. Everything had been so pressing up until that point. With Sesshomaru's rehabilitation, the quest after the wedding, and the events surrounding Harumura and saving Kouga, Rin realized how little time she had spent focused on herself.

She hesitated, taking a mental note about it, but not for long.

"Yes, that would be nice," she replied, before settling against his side. Decent as ever, the slayer kept his hands in his lap, but she found herself glad to feel the realness of his warmth through the layers of her clothes and her blanket.

Letting herself be comforted, soon, Rin found herself drifting back off to sleep. Her mind began to wander back to the dream, but with the last moments of wakefulness, she told herself to stop.

It may not have been a nightmare, but she told herself the same types of things she needed to remind herself after dreaming of the wolves. She needed to focus on reality now and what she could do with it, and that… that was just a dream.

:

Sesshomaru stared at the man, unblinkingly.

The village weaponsmith sighed and looked back at his customer: "You need another naginata and two bamboo training blades, and you want them in two days from now?"

"Yes. Was something unclear?" Sesshomaru replied, his expression unchanging and the question sounded like more of a statement in the tone he bothered to give it.

"Do you have money or anything to barter?" the smith asked. Sure, he had seen this guy with the naginata he bought before. He definitely knew his way around the weapon, but the fact that the guy had paid before didn't mean he had money today, and rush jobs generally weren't worth it.

Sesshomaru merely looked down, as he pulled a small pouch from inside one of his sleeves. Unbothered, he withdrew a couple pieces. The former Lord of the West had run out of the type of mottled coins that most people had on hand, so polished gold glittered up from where he laid it on the worktable between them.

Sesshomaru quietly watched the way the man observed the money, not picking it up right away. He had seen how people generally seemed to stare when he put down money like this to buy things. Clearly, gold like this wasn't common. For Sesshomaru, there was much more where pieces like this came from - it was just a matter of knowing where to find it, which he was certain others would never know…

After a moment, the smith picked up the gold pieces, pocketing them quickly, out of sight. The sum of what the slate grey-haired man had just put down came out way beyond the typical value of one wooden naginata stock and a few shaped slats of bamboo. He didn't know who this client of his was, but asking questions didn't necessarily sell weapons.

"You're in luck, someone dropped off a damaged wooden stock the other day. If I can repair that, you can have it and the training blades with matching leather caps within a day," the smith stated firmly.

"Hn," Sesshomaru expressed. The smith was already feeling pretty speechless, when as already turning away to go, his client added, "I'll return in a day."

:

Coming back from placing his order with the human smith, Sesshomaru walked through the woods, thinking about the day prior. After Rin and he reached their agreement of sorts, things had relaxed noticeably with her. She actually allowed him to demonstrate a set of forms, which she then mimicked with care. Granted he did have to go step-by-step with her just like she had asked, but still it was a vast improvement. He did not feel her actively fighting his instruction, as he had on prior occasions. They had ended the session not too long after and walked in silence back through the forest to the cave, so Rin could prepare dinner for everyone.

On the way, she did something she had not done in quite some time though - she asked him to wait while she picked some mushrooms. He recalled her doing this much more often when she was younger - asking him to wait while she foraged one thing or another.

As he watched her ducking around the bases of a few trees on the return walk, collecting the little pieces of fungus in the hem of the slayer's shirt that she wore, he realized he was not sure when it had stopped previously. He supposed, as she had gotten older, she did not need him nearby as often when she went looking for foods for her own meals. So far the forest in the area they had been staying in had not been particularly dangerous, but he had stayed anyway, lost in thoughts, as he watched her crouch and inspect the flora. He noticed the way she swept back loose pieces of her hair from time to time, as she inspected the ground. Little flecks of dirt on her fingertips dipped into the dark waves of her black hair.

An old mannerism, it took him right back to the days of her youth. She had been inclined to move just like that back then even, never really worrying about a little bit of dirt getting on her clothes or hair here and there. He had seen her pass her fingers through the strands of her hair like that hundreds of times before, hadn't he? He had just never really stopped to think about it before. Still, at one point he had to look away, realizing that his looking was turning into staring, which was turning into the heat that made his human hands sweat. He scoffed, and paced off but made sure to stay near enough to her, since he had agreed to wait.

Eventually, when she had gathered enough mushrooms, she let him know, and they went back to camp in the cave where they found the others sitting in solemn silence again, and the night had carried on as usual with dinner and then sleep.

To his right, the snapping of a twig caused Sesshomaru to snap out of his reminiscences and returned his mind to his walk. He halted, wide-eyed.

Something else approached, coming up the slope, which merged with his path, out of a strand of thin, craggy looking trees growing under the higher canopy. On instinct, his right hand hovered over the handle of the battle sword, while the left hand already found its way to the handle of the dagger inside his kosode.

The person strode into sight, walk determined, but her eyes were lowered to the trail in front of her so that she didn't notice him immediately. As she approached him, arms crossed over her chest, he had frozen in place, perfectly soundless.

"Rin?" Sesshomaru asked, keeping his voice intentionally low, unsure of finding her moving so quickly on her way.

The girl inhaled sharply, suddenly registering his presence even as she almost walked right past him. She reeled slightly. He noticed more acutely than he expected the way her long black hair falling over her shoulders waved voluminously when she stopped immediately in her forward progress.

"Aramaa – !" Rin said in breathy surprise, earning a surprised brow-raise from Sesshomaru. Her face plainly showed her shock in running into him.

Why should she be so aghast at running into him in the forest? They both could walk around couldn't they, he thought somewhat indignantly to himself, before he realized that even thinking such a thing was ridiculous on his part.

He probably just scared her because she had been so lost in thought. Nothing else, that had to be it.

"S-Sesshomaru, ohayou gozaimasu," she replied, having collected herself. "W-what are you doing out right now?" she asked, her face rapidly turning flushed.

Had she stuttered? He couldn't help it: what was there about running into him that made her so nervous? He hadn't been nice to her up until late, but that seemed to be going a bit far. Besides, they had come to a truce of sorts the day before.

Deciding he would not call attention to her rather undignified approach, after a moment, he replied, "I am returning from ordering something we can use for our training. I should have it by tomorrow."

"Ah sou," she answered, nodding her apparent understanding, before continuing a bit awkwardly. "So you – uh – just came back from being… away from here?"

Sesshomaru frowned slightly. Frustrating, he thought, unable to read such a question on her part. "Yes," he replied, at a loss for anything else to say. Her behavior was odd, and while he may have been too aggressive in his negative ways before, this was not of his doing, he was sure. He had not even been near her until this moment!

The girl nodded wordlessly though he could feel her eyes searching his own until–

"Ok, I'll see you back at camp!" she exclaimed.

And with that, Rin ran ahead of him, and Sesshomaru was left walking on his own again back through the woods.

Despite telling himself repeatedly that he was well above losing his cool, by the time the afternoon rolled around, Sesshomaru had himself convinced that everything had reverted back with Rin. He fully expected that for reasons he didn't understand, he would have to redouble all his efforts from the prior day to offer up peace. Still, he forced himself to be calm and observe the young woman's behavior more first.

He owed his nerves at least that much.

To his surprise, while Rin was still rather overtly standoffish at first on their silent walk to their self-appointed training grounds, once they arrived and bowed to each other to start the lesson, she rose to look at him and took quickly to the lesson without disruption. The minutes passed, and they moved through his lesson plan successfully so that Sesshomaru eased back from his concerns.

Perhaps he had imagined the whole thing since that morning? However, he told himself he would need to evaluate his apparent and ridiculous raging paranoia regarding the girl's emotional state, but other than that he allowed himself to feel relieved.

"Release," Sesshomaru instructed, feeling better, as they headed toward finishing up.

With a relieved sigh, Rin fell out of the bridge hold, lowering her backside to the ground. As she regained her breath, Sesshomaru paced slowly, thinking. The young woman had successfully held the pose for a good few minutes. It looked like Rin was actually a good bit stronger than he had previously been able to tell. Given their agreement the day prior and her decision to cooperate with his instruction, this afternoon he had been able to take a different approach to their session.

Upon further reflection, he realized that gathering more information was essential. He needed to assess her base level strength since her combat skills were too minimal for him to form any judgment per the usual benchmarks. Instead, he walked her through a series of isometrics to test her chest, core, back, arm, and leg strength. The bridge had been the last pose, and with it, he was pleased.

He could work with this. Her dexterity and coordination would need the most work.

"Good," he added, when his student sat up again after a moment, her face a bit flushed presumably from the exertions. "Stand, and we'll conclude the lesson," he indicated, preparing to receive her bow.

"But I want to try the plank pose again," she replied. He looked her up and down. She had dried, brown flecks of old leaves mashed in her hair. They stuck out of the strands in an uneven halo formed around her head from lying on the ground. Dust and dirt coated her palms, knees, elbows, and back. Yet, her brown eyes looked up and locked with his own. Her expression was determined in spite of the heat that still settled in her cheeks. Inadvertently, his eyes lingered on the pinkness there before he looked quickly away–

"Tomorrow. We're done for today," he answered. She had performed the poses to a satisfactory degree, even the ones she was less strong on.

"But I want to try again. I can do it better, my hands weren't positioned-" she started to argue. She rose eagerly in front of him.

Sesshomaru's brows lowered, as they stood facing each other, his gaze directed down on her. Despite being a good two heads shorter than him, the girl could certainly put up a presence. Still, he couldn't see the point. Continuing to assess her through the onset of fatigue would yield little. Her insistence was silly. The former demon began to open his mouth to discourage this behavior, when she spoke again.

"I - I don't want you to go easy on me. I want to train as long as I can every day and make the most of this time," Rin intoned. Her hands had even bunched up into hard, little fits at her sides.

"I was mad at you, but I really wanted you to train me. I was not trying hard the last few days, but now I really want to. So let me try again - I can do this," she finished.

Sesshomaru's expression had eased, as his curiosity grew at this strong reaction from Rin. Slowly, he absorbed each of her words that revealed the reason for her ferocity on this occasion.

As ever, the young human woman didn't fail to surprise him on occasion. This was a side of her that he may not have known much of in the past, but it looked like he would come to know it now. While it had frustrated him when it was aimed at him, he had begun to see a certain value in this heat that lurked just beneath the surface in her. Unchecked, such a characteristic could be a detriment - his half-brother being the prime example - but Sesshomaru had no doubt that he could channel this spirited side of Rin without issue.

Then, it was settled. She had asked for it: with his own tutelage, he would make sure to match her energy with appropriate challenges in kind. He had measured her strength, if training long was what she wanted, then training longer would be what they would do.

Still, the former Great Lord of the West would not fail to make sure they did it right.

He fixed her with an unwavering look that would convey this promise but maintain his firmness in this matter. When he spoke, he kept his voice even and calm: "I see. If what you want is to try again, then I will ensure that you have that chance. Still for now, we will stop for today, as the lesson is over for today," he answered. This pulled a frown from Rin, until he added, "However, you have my word we will certainly train longer tomorrow. In fact there is something new I will bring for us to use. And I will make sure to prepare you properly for it."

He watched Rin's disappointment shift to poorly hidden wonder - while there were sides of her that he did not yet know, there were still expressions that he could read as easily as when she was a child.

For his part, Sesshomaru also didn't think about the wisp of a smirk that played around his lips, as he enjoyed the thought that these training sessions might not go so badly after all.

::

Earlier in the morning of that same day, Inuyasha passed through Kaede's village to confirm whether anyone had heard from Miroku, but no one had. Even Kaede, who he'd just caught on her way out to tend the shrine with some of the village youth, had neither time to talk nor news to share.

The damned wiley monk. Inuyasha didn't want to have to hunt him down, but he was going to have to if this went on any longer.

Unsuccessful in turning up any updates, the inuyoukai headed on along the familiar trail through the forest. Gradually warming, mid-morning sun shined down, as Inuyasha braced himself and jumped down into the Bone Eater's Well.

Having only worn Totosai's armor for barely a day, he couldn't know for sure whether whatever enchantments it held would still recognize him once he came out on Kagome's side, a full-human.

The familiar stream of time carried him onward like a river washing all around him. As if working its way from his bones on out, he felt the change taking hold of his body. Then, the seeming weight of his human nature took over each fiber of his being, blotting out the added energy his youki afforded him.

Seamlessly, the cosmos coalesced, and the inside of the well house at the Higurashi shrine phased into view. He leapt down to the ground beside the well.

A sigh of relief escaped Inuyasha. The armor sat heavily on his upper body, yes, but not with the impossible heaviness that Totosai had described. Thankfully, he could still definitely wear it in his human form. Regardless, he had not been about to leave such powerful items unattended somewhere when he was not home in the Feudal Era, enchantments or not.

He stepped out of the well house and onto the half sunken flagstone path. He set out over to another shrine out building within which Grandpa had kindly helped dedicate a small room for Inuyasha's armory. They had chosen it, as the building was well-secured by lock and key, as other family artifacts were stored there.

He blinked his eyes, as he went along, drawing the key to the building from a strap hung around his neck. It still took adjustment, losing his supernatural senses, whenever he transformed. At some point he had realized it was a bit of a shame that he would never experience things in Kagome's era again with elevated senses, as he actually had begun to appreciate certain things about futuristic Japan. Still, he had reminded himself that perhaps it was for the best though, particularly since modern Tokyo predominantly was also not exactly a good smelling city.

His eyes and other senses adjusted as soon as they could, and he slipped the key into the door's lock. Inside he soon had his armor off and laid out upon a sturdy old wooden table they had fortunately chosen for the purpose. The table legs creaked a bit, as he put the last piece of armor on its top, but he was relieved to find that the wood didn't bow - at least not yet. After cleaning the dried crustacean youkai blood and guts - of which there was not as much as he thought there would be - off each piece, he headed out and locked up in order to continue on to the house.

Crossing the grass with his hand wrapped around the sheathed Tessaiga, he thought happily about seeing Kagome momentarily. Would she still be in bed, still cutely curled under the covers, as she slept in on a Saturday morning? While he had been pretty focused on the prospect of clearing out the crustacean youkai after he set out to do it, he also had been wondering all the while how Kagome had done on her job interview. He felt his heart warming, thinking of being wrapped in her arms and hearing her voice as she told him about what had happened while he was away. He was also excited to tell her about how awesome the armor was and how thoroughly he had obliterated those worthless, crab-like vermin.

So with a spring in his step, he approached, up onto the patio blocks leading to the sliding-glass backdoor, the one that led into the kitchen on the main floor. As he stepped up and put his hand on the handle, he paused.

On the inside of the glass, a piece of paper was taped with a message facing out through the glass. He instantly recognized the curves of Kagome's hand-written characters, but with the glare, it was hard to see.

Inuyasha tugged on the handle and unexpectedly found it locked. He pulled the cord from around his neck and put the correct key in the lock to open it. A moment later, he stepped inside and pulled the note off the glass. Gazing at the paper, he drifted into a seat at the kitchen table. He noticed the house was unusually silent for this time of a weekend morning, as his eyes roved over his wife's script.

Though Kagome had opted for hiragana script knowing that it was easiest for him to comprehend, it was still difficult for him to make out. The unusual looping, wavy flow of the characters belied a sense of rush in the way she had written out the note. Slowly, his brows knitted more deeply together, as he hung over the paper on the tabletop. He put the characters together, re-reading the strange words slowly under his breath until at last he had it.

His stomach sank with each word he read.

Sighing deeply, he now began to understand why he couldn't find signs of the monk either time he passed Harumura Village:

Inuyasha -

In a hurry to write you this message. I'm sorry we're not home if you're reading this.

Miroku somehow made it here through the well tonight on his own, but he is so sick. Have to take him to the hospital now.

No clue how long we'll be, but one of us will try to come home and update you by afternoon. Missing you - -

x Kagome