Chapter 84

Sirius' First Date

"I don't understand" James complained for the fiftieth time. "Why won't she go out with me?"

"Do your homework." Remus said irritably. He'd been comforting, he'd tried to get James to understand for about two hours, before it just got annoying.

He'd even tried reminding James that he wouldn't go out with a girl that hexed Sirius or himself, but James counter to that was simply, "But I'm way better than any of them." That was when Remus quit. There was absolutely no way to argue with someone who actually thought that that was a valid argument.

It didn't help that Sirius was too busy going back and forth from snickering and outright laughing hysterically to actually help. Though he couldn't blame him really, James certainly had made a fool of himself, and Sirius wasn't one to let an opportunity like that pass by.

"But..."

"Just do your homework."

James did as he was told, grumbling the entire time.

"I'd want to go out with me."

"You know what the solution is then?" Sirius said keeping his eyes on his essay to hide his smirk.

"What?"

"You'll just have to invent a cloning spell. That way you can marry yourself." Sirius answered.

Any sympathy Remus had for James died right there, and there was nothing to prevent the near explosion of laughter that came out from both him and Peter.

James didn't laugh, he glared at Sirius who was now looking at him with this most evil grin.

"You're really enjoying this. Aren't you."

"Completely and utterly ecstatic really." Sirius' smirk changed into an innocent smile before returning. "You have no idea how great it is to find something that you completely suck at."

"Excuse me? I do not suck at it." James defended trying his best to ignore the fact that Peter just fell of his bed in his fit of laughter.

"No, mate, you really, really suck. That was the single worst display of charm I have ever seen. And I had to watch Lucius flirting with Cissy."

"Don't compare me to Malfoy! There isn't even a comparison there!" James looked highly offended, glad that at least Remus had begun to breath again.

"That's true, at least Malfoy didn't have enough sheer stupidity as to hex her best friend while asking her out."

Remus' attempt to control himself failed miserably, and James had gone beet red.

"L- Like you could do any better."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I'm not stupid enough to attempt to go out Lily Evans. Any other girl though... except Alice, I don't want to ruin Frank's chances." The confidence in his voice was obvious.

"Prove it." James simply said, a smile creeping onto his face.

"How exactly do I do that in a way that doesn't end with me completely wasting the Hogsmeade weekend with some bird?"

"Just ask her to kiss you." James shrugged liking this idea more and more.

"Eww, no." Sirius' reaction was immediate. An involuntary shudder shook him and for some strange reason he felt the need to brush his teeth all over again. Twice.

"Wuss."

"Am "

"You so are."

"Are not. I just think girls suck."

"Would you rather ask a guy?"

"James, that's just nasty."

"You're not getting out of it. You think you're so great, well it's time to prove it."

Sirius didn't get out of bed. He opened his mouth to speak but James interrupted.

"And you're not going to make a joke out of it, so Remus doesn't count."

"Darn it!"

Remus' chuckles died. "Wait, what?"

"Do I have to?" Sirius whined.

"Yes."

"I hate you so much." Finally Sirius moved off the bed. "But I'm not bloody kissing anyone."

"Frankly, I don't think you're getting a date for Saturday either." They left the dorm room, Remus and Peter looked at each other for a moment, neither saying anything before both got up and ran to the door.

They couldn't miss this for the world.

"James, at least pick someone who's not a complete stalker!" Remus could hear Sirius complain as he descended the stairs.

"Fine then. Marie Bell. She's nice."

"I guess."

Remus came down the stairs just in time to see Sirius shutter and grimace before toughening up and hiding his complete horror at the very idea and walking over to her.

"What's he saying?" James asked, unable to hear though the chatter in the common room.

"Just greeting her." Remus answered.

"He'll chicken out."

Remus just shook his head and drowned out the other conversations in the room, focusing only on what Sirius and the fifth year Remus hardly even knew were saying.

"Did you need something, Sirius?" She asked, her voice already a little flustered. Did James really think that she'd turn Sirius down. he could count on one hand the number of people he regularly crossed paths with that would turn Sirius Black down for a date. Naturally that number didn't include Slytherins, but it did include Hufflepuffs and the few Ravenclaws Remus had met.

"Yeah, you see my friend, James," he pointed at them, though she didn't look, "he sorta dared me. Except it's less of a dare and more like mentally threatened to push me out a window." Sirius shrugged, and instantly Remus knew that the girl wasn't really listening.

She was turned away from him, but Remus could practically see the dazed look in her eyes anyway. He laughed.

"What? Did she turn him down already?"

"James, she's not going to turn him down. She's probably already deciding what to name their first child."

"How do you know?"

Remus wasn't completely listening, still trying to concentrate on what Sirius was saying.

"Wow, he's got guts. He's straight up telling her that it's just a dare and he wouldn't be doing it otherwise."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"And you still think she's going to agree?"

"Yep."

"No fair."

"Agreed."

"You think she would have gone out with me if I hadn't attacked Snivellus?"

"Nah, she was about to tell you off before he showed up."

"Well, that makes me feel a little better, I think."

"There, he's asking her now." Remus replied. He didn't even have to tell James her answer because a second later she squealed and hugged him (at this moment Sirius looked like he was being tortured.) Remus laughed as Sirius made sure she understood that this was a one time thing, and it would never happen again, and it most certainly did not make her his girlfriend. She shrugged, clearly not caring in the slightest and watched him dreamily as he walked back to James and Remus.

"Happy now?" He asked, looking for all the world like he'd just been forced to swallow a flobberworm.

"I hate you so much." James responded, walking up to the dorm, presumably to pout some more.

"You think it would be mean to pretend to get sick Saturday?" Sirius asked Remus still a little tense from her unexpected, and highly unwanted hug.

"Very."

"Darn it."

Why is it that when you're dreading something time seems to speed up so the very thing you were dreading seems to smack you in the face when it arrives.

Sirius was sulking as he waited in the three broomsticks for the fifth year girl. He'd glared at James the entire time, until James had the lovely idea that Sirius should probably meet her alone and they left the pub. At least Remus was polite enough to look hesitant about the idea.

James at the moment was debating between spying on Sirius, or going to find Evans. It was a difficult debate, but in the end he decided on going to find Evans and then spying on Sirius. He was pretty good at compromising.

Remus decided that he and Peter would do just fine by themselves and went to Honeydukes, no girls involved.

Neither of them really had any money to buy anything, but just looking through the sweetshop was good enough in Remus' opinion. There was always something new, even though he'd just been here three days ago. The secret passages to Hogsmeade were, in Remus' opinion, the coolest things they'd ever found in Hogwarts.

"Look at this, Remus." Peter called through the crowd and Remus made his way over to him. "They have some new flavors."

"How can Bertie Bott's get new flavors? I thought they were supposed to have every flavor already?" Remus looked at him curiously, Peter just shrugged and moved on.

"What do you think the others are doing?" Peter asked, picking up some random piece of candy, looking it over a little bit, and putting it right back down.

"Well, it sounds like James is going to go harass Evans, and Sirius is probably trying to keep from ripping his hair out."

"Why doesn't Sirius like girls?" Peter asked, he'd been wondering all week. He didn't have a problem with them, he even thought some of them were pretty, James obviously didn't mind girls either, Remus' opinion on them were still unclear.

Remus laughed. "It's not that Sirius doesn't like girls, Sirius doesn't have a problem with girls in general, he acts just fine around Alice, and McGonagall is his favorite teacher. It just takes him a little longer for him to get used to being around them."

"Why?"

"I think he's scared of them a little bit, you know. Sirius doesn't really know very many decent girls. Between his mum and his cousins his first impressions of the female sex isn't very good. On the male side all he really had was Regulus and his dad, his dad's never really been a big part in his life to begin with, and Regulus hasn't done much more than just ignore him the whole time, plus he has us. The closest thing he has to a female acquaintance is Alice, and we don't talk to her a whole lot. And she will probably talk to us even less if James keeps this up.

"Why do you think James likes Evans so much?" Remus asked Peter this time as they left the busy shop heading in no particular direction. Peter was a little surprised at being asked for his opinion.

"I- um, I think it might have started because of what she said about Sirius previously. But now I think he just doesn't like being told no."

"That's true. He probably doesn't get refused very often."

"It's really rare." Peter smiled a little, he liked having someone agree with him, it wasn't something that happened very often. "And he'll keep asking and asking until he gets what he wants. He always does, and he always gets what he wants too. She'll have to go out with him eventually, or he'll drive her all the way to St. Mungo's insanity ward."

Remus laughed. "She probably would have been better off if she'd just agreed to go with him until she annoyed him to death."

"Most definitely." Peter agreed. The two of them laughing as they walked down the street.

Until Remus saw where they were headed. He quickly turned around and briskly walked in the other direction, not saying anything.

"What's wrong?" Peter asked, he had to nearly jog to keep up now.

"Nothing." Remus answered, a little more harsh than he intended.

Peter turned around to see what the problem was, but all he saw was a rickety old house. He vaguely recalled it's name to be the Shrieking Shack. He definitely remember that it was haunted.

It would seem as though Remus was afraid of ghosts.

A/N) O_O! WHAT!

err I probably should explain that.

So the last few chapters of Prisoner of Azkaban just came out on pottermore... including a full biography on Remus.

So as I'm reading this thing my mind goes from WHAT! to SHOOT to CRAP! to Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww to YES I WAS RIGHT! to Oh man! to another awwwwwwww. Then another I'm right! to Crap what am I gonna do now. Finally ending with 'it's okay, it's just fan fiction, no one expects it to be accurate... Right? Right?

Remus' dad's name doesn't start with a J? Dude I'm not even joking, that's more surprising to me the SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE! And the plot twist wasn't even spoiled for me. With Rowling's habbit of giving male characters their father's name as a middle name I thought a J name was guaranteed. But Lyall? That's just, well that's gonna be hard to get through my head. And naturally I have go and change all the John and Hanna's to Lyall and Hope. Hope's not too bad. Lyall's unique, but odd.

I was right in that John... er Lyall had a prejudice against werewolves so Point for me, also that Remus' mum was a muggle, another point for me. Oh and the Marauders found out about Moony's furry little problem in second year. Three points for me. ^_^ Yay.

It removed something I'd planned to have in the plot later though. I was going to have Remus' dad die... but nope he was still alive after Voldie's downfall. Oh well, I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do with that yet anyway.

The story of how Remus and Tonks started falling for each other however made me fangirl squeal so hard it's a good thing I'm home alone at the moment. ^_^ So cute!

"Remus Lupin was posthumously awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class, the first werewolf ever to be accorded this honour. The example of his life and death did much to lift the stigma on werewolves. He was never forgotten by anyone who knew him: a brave, kind man who did the best he could in very difficult circumstances and who helped many more than he ever realized."

OMG BEST ENDING TO A BIOGRAPHY EVER!

Sorry. I replaced this chapter's top ten with a fan squeal about the new Pottermore chapters. Next time i'll have a top ten.