A/N) Just a warning there's some relatively more mature content in this chapter, nothing worse than puberty or feminine monthly cycles but I thought a warning was in order anyway. This is probably the only chapter thus far that makes this story earn it's T rating.

Chapter 85

Puberty

"What's wrong, James? It's not like a Gryffindor to run with his tail between his legs!" Was the first thing Remus heard when he and Peter returned to Hogwarts grounds from the trip to Hogsmeade.

It didn't take him long to figure out that Sirius and James had returned before them, but even then he wasn't exactly expecting what he saw.

Sirius had chased James up a tree.

Literally,

Yeah...

Needless to say the pair of them watched in stunned silence as Sirius, who for some reason did not want to climb said tree, yelled at James from the ground, and Remus had the distinct impression of a dog barking at a tree'd cat.

"Actually the view's kinda nice up here, I think I'll stay for awhile." James called down in response to Sirius' demands to "come down so I can kill you"'

"You better enjoy it while you can, because the moment your feet hit the ground you'll only be seeing things through a big, black eye!"

"I assume the date didn't go well." Remus said casually. Sirius gave a curse that was usually only reserved for Snape, though Slughorn had been called that once before also.

"Never again, Moony. Never again."

Moony raised an eyebrow. "That bad?"

"Why are girls so clingy?!" Sirius cried loudly, causing Remus to wince and his ears to ring.

Remus shrugged. "Because you're pretty."

"Aww, thanks. You're kinda pretty yourself, Moony." Sirius smiled at him and messed up his hair, before returning to verbally abuse James.

Peter looked confused, but Remus simply rolled his eyes. "Are you blind?" He asked knowing full well he was far from pretty.

Sirius gave him a totally innocent look. "Of course not." Remus began to retort, but Sirius cut him off. "Scars are hot."

"Are you flirting with Remus?" James asked from the tree.

"You want a few scars to match!" Sirius called back up.

"No."

"Then you better get down here right now, before I decide to do some permanent damage!"

"I think I'm good."

"Why don't you just climb up after him?" Remus asked, choosing to ignore Sirius' previous teasing. Unlike James, Remus knew Sirius was simply teasing him. It wasn't the first time Sirius had 'flirted' with him, Sirius' humor was strange like that. The first time he'd been more than a little freaked out, and he'd kinda ran away. Later when he got up the nerve to return to the dorm Sirius had explained (despite laughing so hard tears were streaming down his face) that he'd recently heard a rumor about the two of them and it had given him ideas. Remus had retorted by smacking him over the head with a book. It was however the first time he'd done it around someone else, thus the reason for James confusion.

As much as Remus pretended to be annoyed by it, he had to admit it was pretty funny.

"He'd just jump down and run off. Easier for me to wait for him to come down or starve to death."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"See, I can be smart when I want too."

"I dunno, I might need a little more proof to believe that."

"I don't know that I can provide more proof." Sirius complained, his eyes following James as the latter tried to find a more comfortable branch to sit on.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"You know you'd totally be the chick." Sirius smirked his eyes moving from James only long enough so that he could see Remus' reaction.

"Excuse me? Who's the one who needs to take an hour and a half long shower in the morning? Who's the one that spends twenty minutes in the morning doing his hair? What exactly are you basing this assumption on?"

"The week you spend feeling like utter crap once a month."

Remus felt like one of those characters on the Saturday morning cartoons whose jaw hit the floor and somehow ended up on the top of the screen just so that it could hit him in the head.

"You- I-." he stammered trying to find the ability to string two words together again. He only succeeded in making Sirius laugh, James laughter could also be heard from the tree. Remus' face turned beat red. Sirius clutched the stitch in his side as he laughed, he'd completely forgotten how to breath.

"I- don't- Ewww. Sirius!" Remus managed to choke out entirely disgusted by the whole thing. He threw a book at Sirius, a small paperback book that accomplished nothing. "You are! Urh! Why am I even your friend!"

When Sirius' laugh didn't subside he stormed back to the castle, not even bothering to pick up the book and take it back with him.

It was a full half hour before the three of them managed to make it back up to the tower. Sirius had been true to his word and James went straight to the bathroom to heal his black eye.

Peter was still snickering a little bit, though Remus chose to think it was because of Sirius and James fight.

"Moony." Sirius said innocently.

"I have no desire to talk to you at the moment." Remus didn't even look up from his book.

"You should have seen it, James fell out of the tree." Sirius continued anyway, hoping to distract his friend, knowing Remus couldn't hold a grudge to save his life.

"I'm going to pretend it was because he's clumsy."

"James isn't clumsy."

"Shut up, Peter!" Remus retorted quickly, not at all regretting scaring the younger boy. He'd been laughing too.

"Aww, Moony's sad. Did you eat your prescribed amount of chocolate today?" Sirius said with an over-the-top innocent smile on his face.

He didn't know how Sirius did it, he really didn't. As mad as Remus wanted to be with him, as much as Remus wanted to give him the silent treatment he just couldn't do it. Remus just couldn't fight the smile as he replied "no."

Sirius kindly held back his laughter as Remus reached for his bag of chocolate frogs.

James finally managed to exit the bathroom, black eye mostly gone, but you could still tell it had been there.

"Cuts are easier to heal than bruises." He complained.

"Perfect." Sirius was leaning against his four poster examining his handiwork on James' face.

Remus looked between the two of them, James hadn't moved from the bathroom doorway and was now glowering at Sirius.

"Sirius, stand up." He said suddenly.

Sirius gave him a confused look before looking around him, primarily at his feet. "I am standing."

"No, I mean stand up straight."

Sirius did as he was told, thoroughly confused by the order.

"Go over by James."

Sirius wasn't especially eager to comply, as James still looked ready to give him a matching eye, though Moony's odd behavior distracted the future-stag a little, so he deemed it safe. Remus stood up, looking at the two.

"What's wrong?" James asked.

"Oh, nothing." Remus gave a small smile, as well as a chuckle. "Sirius is taller than you."

Both of them looked at each other. They responded at the same time.

"What? No he's not."

"What? No I'm not."

"Yep, he totally surpassed you. I'd say about half an inch. What do you think, Peter?"

Peter looked a little nervous, but he moved to where Remus was standing to have a better look.

"You're right. That's weird, I could have sworn James was taller."

"James was taller. But now Sirius is taller." Remus shrugged.

James snickered. "Our little Siri is growing up." He baby talked, giving Sirius a noogie. Naturally he received a hard elbow in the stomach as well as a few choice curse words for his trouble.

"You messed up my hair," he complained, now trying to fix it.

"Sorry, didn't mean to damage your work of art." James rolled his eyes, he was rubbing his new sore spot and didn't seem very apologetic. "Don't worry I'll get you back when your voice starts to crack."

"At least I try." Sirius retaliated referring to his, so called work of art, giving James unruly locks a vexing look.

"I gave up trying when I was eight." James shrugged, not caring in the slightest how his hair looked. "As long as it doesn't look like I just got out of bed I really couldn't care less."

"You're completely hopeless, you know that?" Sirius peeked in the bathroom mirror to ensure his hair was reasonably fixed.

"I tried asking out Evans again."

Sirius just sighed. "Well at least your Hogsmeade weekend sucked as much as mine."

"Who said she turned me down?" James had the slightest pout on his face.

"Logic."

"There is no reason she shouldn't like me! I'm smart, I'm gorgeous, I'm popular, I'm a great Quidditch player..." James continued, counting all his strengths.

"You're humble." Sirius added sarcastically, unsurprisingly James didn't catch the sarcasm.

"I'm humble," he added.

"James, do you even know the definition of humble?" Remus asked moving to lay on his bed again.

"Sure I do."

"I seriously doubt that, James. I seriously doubt that."

"The day Lily Evans goes out with you is the day they prove nargles actually exist." Sirius mocked.

"Well they better find some proof soon, because Lily Evans will go out with me. No one can resist the awesomeness that is me for long." He said confidently, determination in his eyes.

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not sure whether this is going to be hilarious, or just plain sad."

A/N) I loved this chapter. It was really funny. Poor Remus and his time of the month. lol Can't have a true Marauders story this long with out some reference to Remus and his monthly cycle.

Torturing Sirius is fun too.

BTW: I need a beta. Someone who can do it relatively quickly, preferably with experience, and can help with the whole brit-speak thing. Obviously I'm not British, I don't use british words/phrases all I really know is bloody, git, snog (sort of, I'm not exactly sure how much is involved with a snog because every time you see it it's interrupted) bird (I hope), and er wanker (which I do not intend to use in this story.)

My other beta is good but doesn't help in the least with British phrases, as he's also American.

I don't know if beta's are usually paid, but I have no money, like at all, so if payment is required then I will decline no matter how much I need one. Sorry, I wish I could but I really can't. I'll be nice, and I take constructive criticism really well, and even non-constructive criticism fairly well. Though that kinda defeats the purpose of a beta.

I just want this story to be the best it can possibly be, and since you guys have been reading it for this long I figured you know ways to make it better.

Despite trying not to make a super long author's note here's the next in the top ten Marauder story pet peeves.

#10 Sirius using serious puns, or copious amounts of said puns

# 9. Marauder's falling in love with Lily's 'imaginary' friends

# 8. Any of the Marauders dating Lily

# 7. James dating anyone but Lily.

# 6. Sirius' dad drunk/lazy/out of the job/ or otherwise cliche abusive.

# 5. James or Sirius being complete idiots Marauders

Also included is (but not limited to) them apparently not knowing how to use healing spells and Lily having to be the healer of the group despite not joining till seventh year, though that's more popular in stories that begin in their seventh year. Just because she's the only chick does not mean she's the only one who can heal them!

Sorry.

This one isn't that popular as most people make them nigh perfect, also irritating but not enough to make it on this list (as I'm having trouble keeping James from being perfect. I have not forgotten that he was a bully, I swear.), but when I find it I instantly stop reading. It's more popular with Sirius than James, but he sometimes gets the treatment too. They were both really talented in school, it was commented on a lot. I know there's a difference between talent and being smart, thus the difference between Sirius and James and Remus, the former two are more talented while the latter is really smart. But they weren't just talented they were smart too. Not much more to say about this one as it's not real popular.

Thanks for the time.

EvelynWn