Chapter 121

The Family You Choose

Remus was ashamed of himself, he truly was. There was no excuse for his actions, no explanation for his cowardice. Sure, he wasn't the one picking on that poor Hufflepuff third year, but guilt by association was guilt none-the-less. He'd known their intentions when they turned the corner, their frustration clear on their faces but he just kept walking forward. He tried to convince himself that not taking part of their bullying was good enough, but he'd failed. He'd also failed to muster up the courage to tell a teacher, what if his friends found out? What if they got angry and finally abandoned him? He couldn't bear the thought. So he walked, as though distancing himself from the problem would make it go away. He wasn't even sure where he was going anymore, they'd been heading back to the Gryffindor tower from the library, but that was behind him now. Turning around would mean getting closer to the problem, and that was the last thing he wanted. So he kept walking, with no real destination and no real purpose.

It didn't matter much when curfew came and went, at any given moment there were three different places he could hide should a teacher come by and with his werewolf senses he always heard them before they came.

What he didn't count on was one of those hiding places being occupied.

The chances of him crawling into the one occupied shortcut in the entire castle were so low that it almost tempted him to believe in fate before he shook it off and moved closer to the sound of crying.

"Evans?" He asked quietly but she jumped anyway. Or would have if she hadn't been on the floor, instead it was more like a jolt.

"W-what are you doing here?" She rubbed her eyes in a futile attempt to hide her tears.

"Hiding. You?" He said plainly, figuring the details weren't important at the moment.

"Same."

"You know it's passed curfew, right?" He sat down beside her, the teacher was probably gone by now, but he'd found a better use of his time than aimlessly walking around. Sirius and James were probably wondering where he was.

"Oh, is it," she said but made no move to leave. Remus chuckled and she gave him a puzzled look.

"Nothing, it's just it's funny seeing you break the rules." He pulled his legs up, crossing his arms on top of them, and rested his head on his arms still looking at the redhead with a grin. "You're just so- so..."

"If you say perfect, I'll punch you in the mouth... okay, I would if you didn't look like death warmed over." She gave him a closer look that he shied away from. He mentally groaned, it felt like the last full moon was two days ago, yet here it was speeding up on him again. He'd spent so much time with his nose in textbooks and library books that it felt like the month had just flown past him, yet it was close enough to be noticeable.

"I was actually going to say something along the lines of goody-goody, but it sounded dumb in my head." He shrugged, which was awkward in his sitting position and he resolved to never do it again.

"Yeah, well curfew is dumb, and some things are more important." She turned to look straight ahead, glaring at the wall. Remus was pretty sure it was shivering in fear.

"Like..." he prompted. Remus wasn't a nosy person by nature, that would be hypocritical with all the secrets he kept from everyone else. However, this time, he decided to indulge in curiosity. Maybe he could help, he might as well do something he could be proud of today.

"Privacy." It was a simple answer yet it said everything it needed to.

"Do you went me to leave?" he asked tilting his head in a way that resembled the canine inside without his knowledge or permission.

"No, yes, maybe?" she sighed before burying her head in her hands. "I dunno, Remus:"

"Do you want to talk about it?" He moved into a more comfortable position trying to look as trustworthy as possible. It was an act he'd perfected in the last four years. He couldn't count the number of detentions he'd avoided because the teachers liked to assume Sirius and James were behind everything he did. Because sweet, sickly, little Lupin couldn't possibly be the mastermind behind all the mandrakes suddenly singing "Under the Sea" in unison, or the words on Professor Bins chalkboard rearranged themselves to write out the poem 'The Jabberwocky' by Lewis Carroll.

She gave it some thought. "Do you have any siblings, Remus?" She asked peeking out from her arms only enough to see his face.

"Three, all brothers," he gave a smile at his response, more for himself than for her to see.

"Do you get along?"

"Most of the time. Sometimes I get frustrated with them, but we're brothers." He gave a shrug, "I can't stay mad at them for long." It was the truth, as angry as he'd been when they chose to pick on that innocent girl, he was already to the point where he wanted to just let it go, pretend it never happened, and spend all night laughing over something stupid with them. They were his best friends, and maybe they weren't perfect, but neither was he.

"Do they ever get mad at you?" She asked in a small voice, the smile on his face causing her to lose most of her desire to talk, he didn't know how she felt. that much was certain.

He thought about it for a minute, instinctively he wanted to tell her, yes, of course, they did. Except that he couldn't actually think of a time they had been angry with him. Sure, when he referred to himself as a monster they'd get exasperated, or irritated but never actually angry.

"I frustrate them too, but we don't fight." he settled on his answer. She didn't look satisfied. "Are you fighting with your siblings?"

"My sister hates me," she said with a sob. he scooted closer and, hesitating for just a moment, patted her on the back.

"Did you do something to hurt her? Or is there nothing you did to cause it," he asked softly, he wanted to instantly reassure her that it wasn't her fault, but he didn't know if that was true. Sometimes people are justified in the in anger towards good people.

"She's mad that I'm magic, and she's not " Lily wiped her eyes and looked at him as though she was expecting him to have all the answer that would fit all her problems. He, on the other hand, had no answer. As both an only child and the son of a wizard he'd never considered how the sibling of a muggleborn would feel. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't blame her for her envy. What it must feel like, to be normal while your sibling is beyond extraordinary.

"And she's taking it out on you?" he didn't need to ask, that was the natural human reaction to envy, hatred and spite. She nodded, saying nothing. "And it's not like you can use magic to do nice things for her since you can't do it at home." again she nodded though there was a guilty look in her eye that made him extremely curious.

"Right, " she agreed, but her shifty eyes told a different story. He chuckled, her redhead's pale skin was red even through the make-up she wore.

"Hey, Lily, you can't make her forgive you when you've done nothing for her to forgive," he smiled at her, choosing to not comment on her guilty conscious and returning to his goal of cheering her up. He also had a sudden urge to hang out with his siblings. His frustrations both at them and himself were pushed into the back of his mind though the realist in him knew it wasn't permanent. "I know it doesn't replace the sister you miss, but sometimes a really good friend is better than any family. You know, you should talk to Sirius sometime. If anyone knows how you feel it's him. No one knows what it's like to have family that hate you more than he does. He's managing fine because he doesn't see it as losing his family, rather he's gained a new one instead. That's not to say it doesn't hurt. He tries to hide it but he talks in his sleep. I haven't told him that I can hear him and I'd appreciate if you wouldn't say anything. Sure, he's obnoxious and self-centered, but he's going through the same thing."

"It's really not. Petunia is angry but she's not an 'I'll murder you in your sleep' angry. Really, I don't think it's comparable to his situation at all." She tried to dismiss it but he shook his head.

"Do it, I promise you won't regret it." he stood with a smile. She watched him. "Do you want to head back? I know a few shortcuts so we don't get caught."

She sighed and stood, she could see there was no good in arguing her point. "Thanks, I don't really want to spend all night in this hole.'

They walked in silence, Remus leading her through a number of secret passages. It took him longer to get there than it would have if he'd been alone as there were some passages he wasn't willing to reveal to someone who was, without a doubt, going to receive a prefect badge next year.

She stopped him when they reached the common room, she attempted a smile. "Remus, thanks. I mean it, talking about it helped."

"Anytime, Lily. And I mean what I said, a good friend is a family you choose, at least consider talking to Sirius, I really think both of you could benefit from that conversation." He nodded before climbing the stairs to his dormitory and leaving her to her own thoughts.

A/N) Much better. ^_^ Will Lily take Remus' advice? I imagine their conversations in Divination have become few and far in between though they still work together. The way Sirius treats her best friend taking its toll on their relationship, not to mention that she'd be complaining about her problems to someone who has it so much worse. Then again Lily has never been shy. What do you guys think?