Chapter 123

Whiplash

Sirius and James were late to their own party, (or, what they considered being their party, anyway. The team wouldn't have had a hope of winning that game, let alone the cup, without them, after all.) Both had to stay on the pitch after the game so Madam Pomfrey could heal their injuries. Sirius could have come earlier, his broken arm was but a wave of a wand to the experienced healer. James' however, took longer. Between the concussion, a couple of broken ribs, and a bruise the size of Buckingham Palace on his arm and shoulder, it took her about a half hour to feel totally content with his condition.

When they were finally finished being poked and prodded both boys were tired, Sirius felt like he could sleep for days as they headed for their common room (or more accurately, their dorm) they didn't even consider the after game party. Gryffindor hadn't had one all year, so the thought hadn't even crossed their minds. They intended to go get a few hours of well-earned sleep then force themselves up and back to the Room of Requirement by midnight.

The cheers throughout the common room changed those plans before the two Marauders realized they'd decided to stay. They could put their priorities aside for just a little longer, after all, and the music coming from the rigged up radio chased their drowsiness away in an instant... or perhaps it was all the attention that accomplished that impossible feat.

It took James all of five minutes to infuriate Lily Evans and ten minutes to get punched as he continued to pester her. Sirius was too busy laughing at him to hear his attempt to blame his strikeout on his now-nonexistent concussion to anyone who was listening. And everyone was listening. Sirius didn't even want to know how many times James had to recap the game for people who had been there to see it, and the future-stag was perfectly happy to tell his increasingly embellished story over and over again.

For his part, Sirius avoided answering those questions. James was enjoying telling everyone how his broom was so completely demolished that it attempted to throw him off entirely so Sirius just redirected all questions to him. He was enjoying the energy, the music, and the atmosphere more than the attention. Not that he didn't enjoy attention, he just wasn't willing to stay in one spot long enough to tell a story. There was just too much energy in the room.

He didn't, however, dance. As much as he enjoyed a good dance, his preference in the art didn't match the atmosphere he was inhabiting.

And was embarrassing, that might have had something to do with it too.

So when the music slowed down and everyone looked around in annoyance for whoever had the nerve to change the station Sirius' first instinct was to hide. It wasn't a feeling he was accustomed too.

Kathy was standing by the radio, her wand still resting on it as she gave him a smirk that hid a giggle.

"You know, when you think about it, you kinda owe me." Sirius jumped at the voice coming from behind him. Andrea stood there, making an effort to look cute. It was devious.

"How exactly?" He asked trying to play it cool, but very much aware that he was being watched,

"Do you have any idea how difficult it is to play beater on your own?" She asked still smiling sweetly, again that strange urge to hide crept up on him.

But she was right, their moronic coach had only prepared one backup for the entire team and Smith didn't want to be the worst chaser (and thus the one everyone blamed for a bad game.) So Andrea was forced to do the work of two.

"No," Sirius said not even willing to entertain the thought. Dancing to this song would require a slow foxtrot, which was only acceptable in a room full of old fogies. He was not ballroom dancing in front of people his own age, it would be mortifying in every sense of the word.

Unfortunately, she wasn't taking no for an answer. She was right and they both knew it.

"I got sent to the medical wing in all but one game." She informed him, appealing to his sense of guilt.

"Do you even know how to dance?" He crossed his arms, hoping that his attitude would make her back down, she simply rolled her eyes.

"Of course, I do. My mum paid a ridiculous amount of money for lessons when I was younger and this is the only chance I have to actually put it to use." She grabbed his arm and pulled him to the center of the room, magicking all of the furniture to the edges. Those that knew what was going on were calling encouraging cheers, alerting everyone else that something was going on. Everyone was watching him now. Even James stopped in the middle of his story to see what his brother was up to, Sirius hoped his face wasn't red.

He couldn't fathom why they actually wanted him to ballroom dance. It was so old fashioned it was embarrassing that he even knew how, but with all that attention on him he couldn't say no.

"If you promise to never ask me again, and I'm only doing this because you're my friend and I owe you." There was cheering throughout the common room and James moved closer with a cheeky grin. He knew Sirius was embarrassed beyond belief.

She had the skill of someone who'd taken classes because her parents had wanted her too and quit as soon as she could without hurting their feelings. Not to say she was bad, she just didn't seem to have put a whole lot of effort into it. That didn't really matter, of course, he had enough skill for both of them and he was leading. James catcalled as he spun the older teen around (it didn't have the same effect then it would have if she was wearing a pretty dress) and Sirius was fairly sure it wasn't aimed at Andrea.

As the song reached it's natural conclusion he debated with himself on how to finish. A plain finish would be what they expected, for him to simply stop at the end of the song, however, this was likely to be his only chance to ever do a dip finish. It was pointless, but he'd always wanted to try it. Not because it was romantic or impressive, no, he had other reasons and now was a perfect time.

"There, happy now?" He asked her as he held her, she wasn't supporting herself near as much as she should have, and he was practically carrying her. A mistake that told him all he needed to know about how many times she'd actually finished a dance.

"Yes," she giggled, likely more at his embarrassment then because of any romantic feelings she had for him. Her boyfriend was watching after all.

"Good," he replied and dropped her flat on her bum, chuckling to himself as he walked away.

He'd always wanted to do that.

He heard her give a good-natured laugh as he walked away. James was in stitches. Sirius stormed over to his best friend ready to tell James off for laughing at his expense when the portrait door opened.

The entire room turned to see McGonnagall climb in the room, James looked at his watch.

"It isn't even seven yet." He said more to himself than anyone else. She looked around until she found the two of them.

"Potter, Black, please come with me." She looked around for Peter who had skipped the party in favor of sleep.

"I didn't do it." Both boys replied in unison, she shook her head.

"You're not in trouble." She said and exited out of the common room they looked at each other.

Choosing to not waste time waking Wormtail they followed her out.

"Professor? What's going on?" James asked when the fat lady's portrait closed behind them. She motioned for them to follow her.

"Lupin's condition has worsened, likely a result of the excitement from earlier." She told them as they headed in the direction of the medical wing.

"Is he okay? How bad is it? I knew it was a bad idea for him to come." Sirius growled and James turned to look at him, anger born from worry on his face.

"It was your idea!" He accused.

"Umm, about that..." Sirius sighed pushing the hair out of his eyes. "I never actually said it was my idea."

"What?"

"Remus came to me yesterday and asked if we were playing because he was coming. I told him it was a bad idea but he just shrugged and told me he was coming regardless." Sirius shook his head, "he really wanted us to play for some reason."

"That jerk, He knew he wasn't up to it, but he also knew we weren't planning on playing otherwise." James ran a hand through his hair and climbed into the medical wing, it was fuller than usual from the game. One bed in the back had the curtain closed around it, and Snape was being told off by Madam Pomfrey for trying to sneak in.

Sirius unsuccessfully tried to hide his fury at the greasy haired slimeball, just seeing him there made his blood boil. He didn't care about any of the quidditch players, he was only there to invade Remus' privacy.

McGonnagal led them behind the curtain. Sirius noticed the Slytherin trying to see past as they opened it and slammed it closed. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as slamming a door.

"Moony, you look awful," James said sitting on the edge of the bed as Sirius was concerned with keeping the snakes out.

"Thanks." Remus croaked out his smile was more of a wince and his breathing was labored. He looked like death warmed over. His, usually pale, skin was white, his eyes were bloodshot, and he winced at every movement.

James hesitated, Sirius could see him debating with himself on whether to bring up the Quidditch game but he ultimately decided not to and Sirius agreed. It could wait until he was feeling better.

"How do you feel?" He asked instead.

"Peachy."

"Oh no, he's finally done it." Sirius chuckled wanting to lighten the mood a little, he wasn't fond of dramatic tension. "He's contracted sarcasm syndrome."

"Really, Padfoot?" James chuckled but it stopped when Remus' own giggle transformed into painful looking gasps as his body rejected his mirth.

Both boys watched as their friend tried to regain a proper breathing pattern despite the protest of every body part involved in the process and both boys felt the same hopelessness.

Doubt, however, was felt by only one.

James' confidence remained untouched by his friend's plight but Sirius wasn't immune by the vice. They were getting to the point where it actually looked possible to finish learning to become animagi before their OWL exams, but now he found himself wondering if they even had until then. Remus' condition was severe. He was trying to hide it but McGonagall wouldn't have fetched them if it hadn't been, and there was still five full days until the moon was full.

As the harsh truth that his friend could very well be dead within the next few days hit him Remus managed to recover giving them his best attempt at a reassuring smile. James smiled back annoying the werewolf by ruffling his hair. Sirius wasn't so willing to pretend but forced out a hollow laugh when Remus batted James' hand away despite seeing through his ill friend's attempt to hide how much the act hurt him.

The whole visit felt like an act like they were children playing pretend. Remus was pretending he wasn't deathly ill and James was pretending he believed him.

But Sirius was pretending most of all. He was pretending he didn't feel like throwing that vase on Remus' nightstand across the room, and that he didn't think he was looking a dead man. He was pretending he didn't want to kill the long-nosed grease ball that McGonagall was now bodily dragging away from the curtain. And most importantly he was pretending he wasn't about to give up, on everything, on becoming an animagi, on school and give up on caring altogether. Caring only caused him pain. He'd cared about his parents and his little brother and they'd betrayed him, he'd cared about his cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents and they'd abandoned him. Every friend he'd had for eleven years had turned their backs on him. And now, willing or not, Remus was going to follow them.

James would be next. He could see it with a vivid clarity born of fear. The idiot would throw himself into this war and die young. Sirius could see him face down in the dirt, glasses broken wand still in his hand because he'd go down fighting. James was too noble and too good to possible survive. And Sirius would be alone.

He was relieved when the overworked healer came and kicked them out when curfew began to approach.

They said nothing beyond the passwords for various shortcuts for the majority of the trek back though Sirius knew his brother was desperate to say something. He'd felt James' gaze on his back since they'd left the medical wing and had outright refused to look at the future-stag since in fear that he would give James a chance to voice his thoughts.

They were almost to the safety of the dorm where Sirius could hide in the shower when James finally gave in.

"Sirius, are you okay?" He asked as they climbed the staircase to their dormitory. Sirius considered ignoring his well-meaning friend but couldn't go through with it.

"I'm fine," he replied not looking back and not stopping, he only made it a few more steps.

"He'll be fine, Pads. He's stronger than you think."

Sirius stopped, fury welling up in him to the point that he felt he might throw up. He let out a dark laugh before responding without hiding a bit of his anger.

"What's it like?" He asked pleased with how James had to look up at him because of his position on the staircase.

"I'm sorry?" James asked suddenly on the defensive.

"What's it like?" Sirius repeated before elaborating, "living in your own little world."

"Sirius," he tried.

Sirius didn't give him a chance. "Must be nice, living in a perfect world where everyone loves you because you can fly a broom and you can throw yourself at a solid wall going at top speed for a worthless trophy. Is the redhead with the pretty green eyes only pretending to hate you in your world or is she just in denial? Go on, I really want to know."

The redhead in question along with the party still going on in the common room had fallen silent. Only the sound of the radio could be heard below them. They both knew they'd been overheard but for once neither one of them cared.

"Sirius, that's not fair, I'm worried too..."

"Not fair?" Sirius laughed interrupting James. "Not fair? What do you know about fair? You and your perfect little family, your whole life has been handed to you on a silver platter!" Sirius' voice began to rise and James recoiled as though he'd been slapped giving Sirius a bigger height advantage.

"I'll tell you what's not fair, that," he said quieter though it wouldn't last long, pointing at the portrait door, "that wasn't fair. Nothing about that was fair. On what planet does Remus deserve to be..." Sirius stopped censoring himself for the sake of the people downstairs that were pretending they hadn't turned down the radio to eavesdrop on the two Marauder's argument. "Don't talk to me about fair, you have no bloody idea what it's like to suffer and sacrifice. Your biggest concern is that your poor grades make you look bad!"

"That's not..." James tried to protest but Sirius didn't stop.

"Shut up!" He screamed even more infuriated that his brother was so delusional, "Shut up, James, or I swear to whatever god will listen I will make you."

Sirius took a step closer his wand now in his hand. James wisely said nothing and Sirius turned and stormed up the last few stairs leaving James there on the stairs going through everything Sirius just claimed he didn't understand.

Sirius was already in the shower before James climbed into the dorm. He heard James come into the bathroom and do nothing, as though he wanted to say something but left without doing so.

Sirius stayed in the shower long after the magically heated water went cold.

He stayed until he was sure that every drop of water that went down the drain had actually come from the faucet.