Chapter 126

Forgiveness

Remus didn't want to wake up. He was pretty sure he needed at least another week of sleep. He could hear people moving around his bed but that just made him want to go back to sleep even more. He didn't want to see their worried faces and he could judge his condition by how much everything hurt.

He had vague memories of waking up but that was as far back as he was willing to remember. He had no desire to know what the wolf had been doing all night.

"Moony," He heard James call in a light voice like he was talking to a stubborn, but amusing, child. "You might as well get up, Moony, we all know you can't sleep once you've woken up."

"Doesn't mean I can't try," Remus replied, still not opening his eyes. His voice was gruff and raspy and his throat hurt like the devil himself.

"But Moony, we've been waiting for, like, ever to see you. It's rude to make your guests wait, y'know." James whined, the jerk even had the nerve to giggle when Remus cussed him (and his ancestry) out in response.

He didn't hear Sirius laugh so he was under the impression that the younger boy wasn't there, but James had said guests with a plural.

Remus bit back a sigh for his throat's sake and opened his eyes. Sirius was there, but his eyes were downcast and there was no good humor to be found in his posture. He didn't look like he was sulking, at least.

"Hello, Sunshine." James laughed, he was seated in a backward chair his chin rested on the back of the seat. His casual posture contrasted Sirius' discomfort to great effect.

Remus repeated his previous insult and was pleased to see Sirius crack a small smile before forcing it away.

"How do you feel?" James asked, still smiling though there was an edge to it that Remus couldn't explain.

"Like I've been hit by a truck." Where's Peter?" Remus looked around, ignoring the pain it caused, but there was no sign of the chubby Marauder. The medical wing was all but empty. Besides the three of them, there was only one other person, a Hufflepuff sixth year who looked like she'd been hit by a very badly performed transfiguration spell. One eye was larger than the other and her mouth was shaped like a duck's bill. It would have been funny if laughing didn't hurt so much. She was staring at Sirius with a wistful expression so he wasn't all that concerned either.

"That sounds about right. Pete's back at the dorm, sleeping. I think he's given up on exams." James shook his head at his friend's antics.

"Sound's about right? What does that mean?" Remus looked between them for an answer. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry, Moony." Sirius apologized softly. It was so out of character for Sirius that it made the werewolf nervous.

"What happened?" Remus repeated, suddenly frightened by Sirius' guilty look and what it had to do with him.

"I messed up. I messed up but I swear you aren't in trouble and nobody else knows anything and..." Sirius blurted out but James interrupted him.

"Padfoot, you're stalling."

Sirius stopped, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before starting all over again. Remus was pretty sure he already knew what Sirius was going to say but severely hoped he was wrong.

"I told Snape how to get past the whomping willow," Sirius said as fast as he could as though he'd been dreading it for a long time.

Remus felt his skin crawl and, for the first time since he was seven, he searched his memories of a full moon. He didn't remember eating anything last night but he did remember someone coming into the shack.

"And he got into the shrieking shack." It wasn't a question, the more he thought about it the more he was able to recall.

"Snape is fine," James added and Remus gave an unconscious sigh of relief. "Though I'm sure the moron had to change his pants afterwards, and his pants too probably."

"How?" Remus asked in a small voice.

"I ran after him, managed to get there in time and rescue his arse. I think I hit you pretty hard, sorry about that, mate. The prat just stood there., though so I kinda had to. " James mocked a sneer on his face. Remus didn't understand how hey could continue to bully the Slytherin after that. He wanted to apologize for the rest of his life and he hadn't even been a willing participant.

"You could have..." Remus trailed off unable to find enough breath to continue. Between the pain in his lungs and ribs and the realization that he'd nearly killed two people (one of which was his friend), it was hard to perform even that basic bodily function.

James rolled his eyes at the werewolf. "Oh please, Moony, don't act like your some big, scary monster. I've seen you in your Pink Panther boxers. Nothing you do will ever scare me again." James teased causing Sirius to choke out a laugh despite his determination to be angry with himself.

Remus felt his face get hot, "That was a gag gift..."

"Doesn't mean you have to wear them, mate." Sirius responded his grin was contagious and Remus found himself chuckling as well.

"Remus, I'm really, really sorry I got you involved. It was wrong and I won't give any excuses for what I did." Sirius looked him right in the eyes and the werewolf could see just how much his friend meant what he said. And Remus found that, once again, he couldn't be angry. Sirius was his friend. He'd been lonely for so long and gotten so used to everyone treating him like he was contaminated. Even if they didn't know the truth, there was still that survival instinct there calling him out on what he really was. But these two, they had ignored that and welcomed him into their group. Even when they found out the horrible truth, a truth that even he was scared to accept, they'd been nothing but kind to him.

"Are you in trouble?" He asked and Sirius looked surprised, as though he hadn't expected Remus to be concerned about him. Sirius should have known him better than that.

"Yeah, but I got off easy. I nearly got expelled." Sirius looked a little more relaxed.

"You should have got expelled. You nearly got someone killed, you prat. Snape was livid, and for once I can't blame him. Or I wouldn't be able to if he wasn't such a nosey parker. But he was kinda asking for trouble, to be honest." James gave a mocking laugh.

"I got banned from quidditch, and I've basically got detention for the rest of my life. And Dumbledore insisted I be the one to tell you. I think he thought that was punishment enough." Sirius smirked relaxing in his chair.

Remus smiled, Dumbledore had been right on the money with that one. All expelling Sirius would do was send him home to a family he hated and who hated him. It wouldn't stop him from using magic, and it wouldn't teach him anything. Forcing him to admit his mistake, however, humbled him and made him actually consider what he'd done.

Remus and James shared a look, and both were thinking the same thing, but neither of them was going to say anything. Sirius could pretend he wasn't deeply regretting what he'd done but they both knew that he was tearing himself up inside over it.

"I'm glad." Remus nodded turning away from James his smile still on his face.

"You're not mad?" Sirius asked the solemn look on his face returned as he approached the topic he was most anxious to discuss.

"Mad isn't the right word." Remus wanted to blow it off and tell him it was no big deal if only to make his brother feel better. But that would do neither of them any of them any good and they wouldn't believe him anyway. And who knows, maybe some brutal honesty was exactly what Sirius needed. Remus wasn't very good at brutally doing anything but he could tell the truth at least. "Hurt, scared and disappointed work better. I... I trusted you, Sirius."

He finished in as small voice, half hoping he wouldn't be heard. Sirius tried to look away but refused himself the luxury of not having to face the brother he'd broken his promise too. Even James' grin was nowhere to be found.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I could have gotten you in a lot of trouble and worst of all I broke your trust in me. I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me."

Remus gave a light laugh. "Don't be so dramatic, of course, I forgive you. Since when have I ever been able to stay mad at you."

"Told you so," James's grin returned and once again leaned his chin again on the back of his chair.

"But I... I could have gotten you expelled, or worse..." Sirius' eyes were wide and his brows were furrowed, a mixture of surprise and confusion.

Remus bit back a feeling of pity before it could show on his face. Sirius was used to getting by with things whether it was because he hadn't gotten caught or because there were few people who were willing to stand up and claim he'd done wrong. But being forgiven was something he still didn't quite understand. He was used to McGonnagall's lectures and Dumbledore's disappointed looks. He even expected his mother's screaming rage. But calm forgiveness had him bewildered.

"Admittedly, I'll probably never be able to completely forget it happened, but Sirius, you made a mistake. It's not the end of the world. You said no one else knew. I assume you've made sure he can't tell anyone?" he asked carefully to not reveal too much. The Hufflepuff girl who was trying to watch them (or more accurately Sirius) while drinking the potion Madam Pomfrey was giving her. He'd forgotten that she was there but she didn't look like she was paying any attention to what was being said.

"Dumbledore took care of that. Sadly he made us leave so we don't know how." James followed his gaze but didn't appear interested in her presence.

"See? Everything turned out okay." Remus nodded and gave Sirius a warm smile and Sirius, for the first time in several weeks, allowed a similar, genuine smile to grace his face.

"Thanks, Moony." Sirius hesitated a moment before very gently hugging the werewolf as though he was afraid his big brother would break and even then Remus had to hold in a gasp of pain.

It wasn't until Saturday that he was able to leave the medical wing. Meaning that he was stuck in a bed for the entirety of a week. Four days before the full moon and three after.

Dumbledore visited his prison the day before he was allowed to escape. The headmaster assured him that Snape would keep his silence but wouldn't tell him how he'd done it. After that they talked about Sirius some, he wasn't surprised when Remus told him he'd forgiven Sirius. He did request that Remus didn't let his brother off too easy.

On Sirius' part, he was trying his best to make it up to Remus. Whether it was by visiting him a lot so he didn't get bored or helping him with anything he needed. Sirius drew the line, though, when Remus had tried to get the other marauder to sneak him out in the middle of the night.

"Why is the room so clean?" Remus asked in good humor when he entered the dorm and tossed his bag of hospital stuff onto his four-poster.

"Sirius got bored," James answered too quickly. Remus could see he was lying plain as day. He said nothing but was annoyed. In between all the sickness, pain, and all the homework he had to catch up on, he'd forgotten about all the secrets and the lies.

"How you feeling, Moony?" James asked putting the ancient runes textbook he had back on his bed.

"Fine," Remus replied.

"Fancy a trip to Honeydukes then?"

"Is today a Hogsmeade day?" Remus thought back, he hadn't heard anyone say anything about it.

"No, but I'm in the mood for butterbeer."

Remus was about to refuse the offer, he was tired despite feeling fine. Or as fine as he ever felt, which always involved at least a dull ache in his bones. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd been pain-free. Sometimes when he was the only one awake in the middle of the night he wondered what it felt like to not be in some kind of pain.

Right now, however, all he was thinking about was warm butterbeer going down his throat and warming his sore insides.

"Look at him, one mention of the drink and he's practically salivating." Sirius teased his laughter was sounding more and more canine each time Remus heard it.

"Let's go," James said pulling himself off the bed in one rapid motion.

A/N) I really hope this feels in character, I had a lot of trouble with this chapter. Even now I'm not convinced, but I just can't see Remus getting mad. Not when they've all seen Sirius be pushed to his limits over and over for this long.

What do you guys think? How do you think he reacted?