Remus convinced Sirius to let him do his hair the next morning. James had discretely told him Mrs. Potter had been doing it up most days but she and Mr. Potter wouldn't likely be in for another few hours and Sirius' hair was driving Moony crazy.

It was just so wrong, seeing Sirius not give a crap. Like the world turning on its head, or Evans seeking James out for something.

Remus was okay with change, but there was only so much crazy he could handle. So he sat behind Sirius with a brush feeling awkward because this wasn't something mates did for each other.

"I can manage on my own," Sirius tried probably feeling just as awkward as Remus did.

"You didn't manage to yesterday," Remus countered.

"So what. It's my hair, why is everyone so bothered."

Remus bit his lip at the genuine confusion in his voice. They'd been friends for five years now, how did Sirius not realize how much they cared yet?

"James' hair's a mess all the time, no one makes a fuss about him."

"You're not James." Finally, when Remus ran the brush through Sirius' hair again it went through easily. He stared at it unsure what to do next. He didn't know anything about styling long hair.

"It's because it's long, isn't it. If I cut it short will you all leave me alone?" he grumbled not noticing Remus' dilemma.

"No." Ponytail. Ponytails were safe, even if it was likely to get messed up later.

Oh well, if Padfoot didn't like it he could do his hair himself.

"Why not? Why is everyone so obsessed with my hair?"

"Because you're not."

"That makes no sense."

"You usually are, and now you're not. No one cares that Prongs doesn't know how to use a comb because he's never bothered," Remus explained ignoring James' protests. "You usually care a lot more. It's hard on the people who care about you to see you abandon something that usually means so much to you."

Sirius went quiet.

"We're not mad. It takes time to recover from life-changing circumstances, and we're happy to give you all the time you need. But until you start caring about yourself again you're going to have to put up with us caring extra hard, to make up for the deficiency."

James clapped. It was almost mocking, but Moony knew better than that.

He shot a hair tie at Prongs anyway hitting him right on the forehead and used a fresh one to finish up Sirius' hair.

"Sorry," Sirius whispered when Remus extracted himself from Sirius' cot.

"It's okay, you'll be yourself again in no time. And when you do you'll be better than ever."

Sirius gave a little half-smile. "I hope you're right. This sucks."

The Potters made it just in time for the game. James had chosen their seats already without telling anyone so he dragged them across the stadium only stopping long enough for everyone to get snacks. James was still refusing to let them pay for anything so Remus got extra nachos knowing Padfoot was likely to steal some even though he claimed he didn't want anything.

Or at least, Remus hoped he would. It was weird having to prod Sirius to remind him to eat and Sirius had always been a food thief so maybe he'd be more inclined to steal it if it was right there in front of him.

James' seats were way too high up. He was used to sitting in quidditch stands but the Hogwarts stands didn't go as high. And for some reason being underground made them seem so much more dangerous.

"Will the underground stadium give the American team an unfair advantage?" Peter asked as they got settled, Remus and Peter as far from the edge of the stand as possible, Sirius next to Remus, and James on the end. James' parents sat behind him. Most people hadn't started seating themselves yet.

"Of course not, don't be stupid." Sirius rolled his eyes and stole one of Remus' nachos. Remus forced himself not to react.

"They wouldn't let them hold the game here if it was unfair. They've got to make it big though since players don't always stay inside the arena."

"It's hard to believe it has nothing to do with why America never makes it to the cup though. All the restrictions they have to put up with just to practice properly." Remus added, why they hadn't done away with the underground quidditch games when the segregation laws were tossed in the garbage where they belonged he had no idea.

James shrugged. "Maybe."

"These nachos rock," Padfoot said all of the sudden stealing another. Remus grabbed one himself before Sirius could eat them all, more than a little relieved.

"Is the cheese spicy?"

"Yeah, a little. It's great."

"Nice." Moony laughed and ate one of his own. It was good. He hardly noticed the spice, but then he'd won bets on the amount of heat he could handle on his best days. His tolerance dipped a bit according to the moon cycle though that was usually a result of nausea rather than it just being too hot.

"I wanna try one." James reached across and stole one of his own.

James' heat tolerance was abysmal but he never backed down when dared and he liked the taste of most hot foods so he subjected himself to them anyway.

Sure enough, it was too much for him. Even Sirius laughed at him.

Remus wondered if that had been his aim all along.

"You wanna try, Wormtail?" Remus offered but Peter shook his head. Unlike James, Peter knew his limits.

"We'll run out before the game even starts." Remus teased when Sirius grabbed another chip.

"I'll buy you a new one." Sirius shrugged.

"And by you, you-of course-mean me."

"I'm your responsibility now. So suck it up."

James laughed, thrilled at Sirius' teasing.

"Who said you could start without us?" Alice's cheery voice took Remus by surprise. He knew she was around but wasn't expecting her to come to find them… unless James had planned this and didn't bother telling anyone.

That sounded more likely considering Evans was in their group.

"Oi, what are you lot doing here?" James said not to Alice but behind her were several other Hogwarts students she didn't normally hang with including Faye, Liam, and Keth from the Gryffindor quidditch team and a couple of kids that Remus vaguely thought might be Ravenclaws.

"You're not the only one who can attract a crowd." Alice teased.

Sirius looked vaguely uncomfortable. It was the first time he'd interacted with anyone from school in a while and Remus wondered if James had considered that before planning. Probably not. Moony distracted Padfoot with the nachos. It worked, though Sirius no doubt knew what he was up to.

"Surprised to see you here, mate," James said to Keth when the keeper sat down in front of him, right next to Faye a little too close for just friends. The immediate blush on his cheeks told Moony everything he needed to know. James however was a bit slower. "Didn't think you'd be able to come."

"Oh ah-"

"I brought 'em," she said with a glint in her eye. "We're on a date."

Naturally, Faye and her brother were decked out in Irish green, though whether that was just patriotic of them or if they'd have supported Ireland regardless, was unclear.

James' face lit up, not of course because he was happy for them but it gave him an excuse to take the mickey out on him. The poor kid was beet red within 30 seconds between James and Faye's teasing.

Peter was laughing with him, always happy to join in. Sirius wasn't joining in, but he was eating of his own accord, and looked better than he had in weeks.

Remus knew this moment of peace wouldn't last forever. The plain discomfort on Sirius' face whenever any of their mates glanced in his directions told tales of how poorly the start of the next school year could go and none of them were looking forward to the first time he and Regulus were in the same room together.

But for now, he was just going to enjoy a quidditch game with his friends. Regardless of who won.

#

Dogwood and trickster hair. It wasn't the most subtle wand in the world but then Sirius wasn't all that subtle either.

"Can I look at it?" Remus asked brushing floo powder off his jeans. It was good to be back on the proper side of the planet. It wasn't that he hadn't enjoyed the vacation, but he liked home best.

Sirius passed the wand over. It was a light, almost silvery brown with what looks like cracks all over the handle but were smooth enough that it was both comfortable to hold and wasn't likely to fall apart. Other than that it just looked like a stick.

Remus had never heard of trickster hair being used as a wand core, but then he'd never looked for wands outside of Olivander's.

"I'm going to bed," Sirius said not asking for it back, though that was probably more because he knew Remus wouldn't damage it than a result of apathy.

He didn't stick around long enough for anyone to mention it was only seven in the evening. He'd tried hard not to drag them all down with him the whole trip.

"James dear, it looks like we received some mail while we were away." Mrs. Potter's voice from the kitchen screamed OWL results, all tense and excited with just a dash of worry.

Had James' marks gotten that bad?

"Probably shouldn't let Padfoot go to sleep yet then."

"I'll go grab him." Remus jogged up the stairs after the pup and dragged him, unwillingly, back down. New wand back in his pocket.

James had his open already, his mum reading over his shoulder. He was grinning at the page, so it was the results he expected. Near perfect probably.

"What'd you get?" Peter asked excitedly and trotted over. Sirius still looked like he couldn't have cared less, about James' letter or the unopened one on the table.

"Isn't it obvious?" That cocky smirk of his was back.

"All O's?" Peter said optimistically.

"Please, Peter. He's not that perfect. I'm guessing all passed, but I doubt you got an O in charms. And I know you suck at Runes so unless you cheated, my guess is you barely passed it." Remus handed Sirius the other letter wondering if his parents had gotten his and if they'd bring it when they came and got him.

James stuck his tongue out, all but confirming Remus' guess.

"E for charms, A for runes. Runes is dumb anyway."

"Runes is brilliant, you're dumb for not liking it."

"No, you're just a nerd." James shot back. "You gonna open yours, Padfoot?"

Sirius looked at his letter as though he only just realized he'd taken it when Remus handed it over and broke the seal. Mrs. Potter stepped around the table to peer over his shoulder too.

"My goodness, Sirius!" she said, her face lighting up. "Those marks are outstanding!"

"What is it? What is it?" James reached across the table and snatched the letter out of Sirius' hands. Sirius let him.

"I'm guessing it's better than yours." Remus teased trying to not laugh at Sirius' attempt to climb out of Mrs. Potter's attempt to smother him.

"No fair. I'm supposed to be the smart one, you're the loud obnoxious one with the pretty hair." James grumbled and passed the letter to Remus to see for himself.

Nearly perfect. A single E in Arithmancy-the class Sirius had started late-and all the rest were marked Outstanding. Remus surreptitiously looked at Sirius overtop the paper.

He was still fending off Mrs. Potter's congratulations and Peter's awestruck comments, but there wasn't any sign of amusement in their attention or even pride in his accomplishment. He appeared entirely apathetic to his test scores.

James caught his eye, his grin faltering.

He'd noticed too.

Sirius had worked hard for these test scores, now that he'd gotten them he couldn't care less.

He'd only been after them to satiate his mother's demands. But it hadn't been enough. All that effort.

And it hadn't changed a thing.

"If you've got yours ours are probably at home, Pete," Remus said putting down the letter. "We're going together to get our books right? It'll be safer as a group."

James nodded. "Find out when your dad can come."

Remus nodded and let Fleamont lead them outside. Peter could have floo'd home, but Remus didn't have a fireplace, so it was sidelong apparition for them.

James excused himself before his mum had time to remember Sirius wasn't her only kid and start fussing over him again.

To James' surprise Sirius barged into James' room just as he was finishing a letter to Frank (mostly bragging about his scores since Frank's OWL marks the previous year had been horrible) without a knock, Sirius said nothing, and just flopped on James' bed with a huff.

It was so normal yet so bizarre. Sirius did that all the time, or he had done that all the time before he'd started hiding in his room all day. Now it was so foreign that James was afraid to say anything, in case it scared Sirius away, or proved he'd imagined it.

"Funny what we can manage when we bother to focus," he said gently. It was a safe subject, or he hoped it was. He'd been wrong about a lot lately.

"I keep going back to that Arithmancy exam, trying to figure out what I missed. Moony's corrupting me."

Sirius was joking, of course, but James couldn't force himself to be amused. Near-perfect marks and Sirius was focused on the one that wasn't. That wasn't like his rebellious and proud brother.

Except it was. It was just like Sirius to focus on that one little imperfection. Five years and James was still getting used to the part of Sirius that he hid from everyone else. The part that loves the piano, and blames himself for his little brother's faults. Evans had seen it, she'd seen it in just the short bit of time they'd spent in divination together. She'd accepted the part of Sirius that still had James reeling and they were as antagonistic as they could get. That stung more than a little if he thought about it too much.

Then again, Evans was brilliant, and a girl. Girls were better at feelings and observing stuff. Probably. Also, unlike James, she had a habit of seeing the best in everyone. Well, she saw the best in everyone but James himself anyway.

James wasn't Evans though, five years and he was still discovering just how deeply Sirius hid his insecurities. Yet here he was, freely showing a little bit of it. Inviting himself into his room after their parents fussed over him, telling him something so obviously wrong that he'd be forced to argue against it.

Was he asking for help? Hoping James would contradict him because he knew it was stupid. Now that wasn't like Sirius, but James was more than happy to oblige him.

"I dunno, even Moony's not that dumb. Solemnly, you were a year behind."

"Please stop abusing that word."

"Never!"

"Git."

"Close call with that party though. The last thing we need right now is grandma hovering around complaining about everything."

"Yeah…"

"You know it's a really good score though, right? I mean those are Owls, most people get like two or three really good marks if that."

"I know, I'm just…"

James waited but Sirius didn't continue, even though James didn't understand what he was trying to say. Instead, he put his head to his knees and buried his hands in his hair, making some of it fall out of the messy bun Euphemia kept putting it in, for some reason.

"Padfoot?"

"Why is this so hard?" His voice was strained in a way James had never heard before. Like he might cry, but like he was too tired to do so. "It's over, it should be over, why won't it stop? Why do I still feel this way?"

James didn't answer? How was he supposed to answer? He didn't even understand. How could he help if he couldn't even understand? What should he say? Sirius wasn't interested in reassurance, he'd learned that the hard way. But what else could he do? Sirius didn't even like hugs!

"I don't know, Si."

"What if it never stops?" He whispered.

James wasn't sure about anything much right now, but this at least he could count on.

"Then we'll figure out how to live with it the best we can. Together, just like we did with Remus."

"James, you can't fix him," Euphemia said later that night. Dinner was on the table, there were four chairs around it, only three of them were filled… again.

"I know that."

"Sweetheart, I know you think you do, but I'm not so sure that's true. You want to make it better, that's normal. But, Hun, this isn't something you can just fix and that's okay."

"I know."

"James…"

"I feel like I've lost control and I don't know how to get it back."

"Why do you need to be in control at all?" Fleamont asked his on plate nearly cleared.

"He-I, why shouldn't I?"

"You don't need to be in control all the time, James. Sometimes it's best to just take life one step at a time and follow where it takes you."

James didn't understand. Control was what he was good at, control was what had saved Remus. They'd worked hard and succeeded against impossible odds to beat that problem and they'd won. They'd just have to do the same with this one right?

"What am I supposed to do then?"

"You don't do anything, just stay with him, and give him time to heal. That's all you can do."

"It's been a month."

"James, Love, a month isn't very long when you're grieving."

"I can't just do nothing."

His father put his fork down, his face stern. "Then now is a good time to learn. James, I don't want you to go back to school and immediately start trying to force him to heal faster than he's ready. I promise all you'll manage to do is make things worse. I know it doesn't feel like it, but this is a good thing. In the long run, this will be a good thing. People need to grieve, it's a healthy way to handle loss. I'd be more worried if he wasn't. It may seem like it'll never end, but it will. I promise."

"Well, I wouldn't call all of it healthy. He needs to be eating more, among other things."

"Sirius doesn't do anything in moderation," James grumbled, but Euphemia laughed.

"No, I suppose he doesn't."