Previously in the Darklyverse: After reflecting on a confusing kiss he shared with Remus, Sirius decided not to deny Remus the intimacy he had always shared with his fellow Marauders. Peter's seventeenth birthday approached. Remus's parents, not knowing the truth about the Marauders being Animagi and running in the woods with Moony, allowed them to keep Remus company on several summertime full moons. With Remus as his test subject, Damocles Belby developed and perfected the recipe for the Wolfsbane Potion to allow werewolves to keep their minds while transforming.

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July 22nd, 1977: Remus Lupin

For the millionth time today, Remus finds himself wishing he had never kissed Sirius Black.

It's Peter's birthday, and they're celebrating it at Lily and Sirius's flat—the first time all nine of them have been together under one roof at once since getting off the train at King's Cross. Lily and James are cozied up at one end of the couch together, which surprises no one, but what does surprise Remus is that Sirius is sitting by him instead of by Marlene, interlocking their fingers and resting his head on Remus's shoulder. Remus, quite frankly, has no idea what to make of it. That Sirius would be so bold with Remus right in front of his girlfriend—it must be because Sirius doesn't think anything of having this kind of intimacy with Remus, because he's so secure in his straightness that he sees no reason Marlene should feel uncomfortable with him being affectionate toward another bloke. Right?

Except—Remus kissed him. Remus kissed him, and it was wonderful, and Sirius kissed back for a good twenty, thirty seconds before pushing Remus away. He didn't even push Remus away, per se—Sirius pulled his mouth away first, yes, but then he sat there just looking at Remus for the longest time, something undecipherable in his eyes, until the door burst open and Remus and Sirius flew apart before Peter could put together what was going on.

To be honest, Remus doesn't even understand what was going on, not really. He admitted to himself a while ago that the feelings he has for Sirius aren't entirely platonic, but he always thought of himself as being straight, even would notice girls and think they were pretty. Only—just because a girl is pretty doesn't mean that Remus is attracted to her, does it? No girl Remus has ever known has made him feel the way he does around Sirius—fluttery and warm and wholly (if he can admit it) unsatisfied.

Does that make him gay? He's certainly pondered that question a hell of a lot since the kiss, but he can't remember ever feeling this way around any bloke besides Sirius, and there would need to be more of a pattern for his feelings to count as gay, wouldn't there? Is there a word for being attracted to your male best friend and no one else?

He has no idea what to make of any of it, and yes, he was avoiding Sirius because of it. At first it definitely felt like Sirius was avoiding him, too, but ever since Remus so stupidly invited Sirius to go to Diagon Alley with him the other week, Sirius has been all smiles and easy affection, holding Remus's hand and wrapping his arms around him even in front of all the others. Hell, Remus spent so much time convincing himself that taking Sirius out wasn't a date, only for Sirius to basically—treat it like a date, with the way he kept touching Remus the whole while. And Remus has no idea what to think.

Sirius has to know how Remus feels about him—Remus as good as confessed his feelings for him by kissing him last term. So why is Sirius acting like touching Remus in that way means nothing to either of them?

Peter is sitting on the floor by the fireplace, ripping open his packages and blushing and thanking everyone in turn for the birthday gifts. He opens Remus's Dungbombs and grins. "I've been wanting to try these since they came out with them last year," he says. "Thanks, Remus."

"No problem," Remus tries to say, but his voice is hoarse and cracks. He tries again. "No problem."

The Marauders stay later than everyone else, Lily joining them in the living room and sitting in James's lap on the sofa. Peter realizes Remus's worst fear by asking, "So you two have made up after whatever it was you were fighting about, huh?" and pointing at Remus and Sirius, who are sitting together at the other end of the couch.

"Yeah, something like that," says Sirius nonchalantly, but Peter dragging it out into the open like that must make him feel self-conscious, too, because he lets go of Remus's hand and scoots an inch or two further away from him.

"So, uh, the full moon is coming up next weekend," Remus says hastily—the first thing that comes to mind he can use to change the subject. "This will be the first time that I break it to my parents that someone's invented the Wolfsbane Potion and I've been taking it, since they were out of town for the last one. Thank you again for coming over for it, by the way; it means a lot to me," he babbles.

"Of course, Remus," says James soothingly, seeming to sense Remus's anxiety and misattribute it to the prospect of talking to his parents. "And I'm sure your mum and dad will be thrilled that there's a potion out there you can take that will make your symptoms go away."

"I'm telling them that last month was the first time I tried it, since Belby only just published it a month ago," Remus says. "They'd have a conniption if they knew I agreed to take it untested when he was first developing it. They still might have a conniption knowing that I took it without telling them."

"It'll be okay, Remus," says Sirius, his voice low in Remus's ear.

For best effects, Belby suggested taking the potion every night for a week leading up to the full moon, since last month Remus did feel his control starting to slip toward the end of the night. After he extricates himself from Sirius and waves goodbye to Lily and the other Marauders, Remus Disapparates and rematerializes in his own living room, where his parents are lounging in armchairs side by side. "Evening, Remus," says Mum, while Dad inclines his head and smiles.

"Hey, Mum. Hi, Dad."

"Peter have a good birthday, then?" asks Mum.

"Yeah, I think so. He seemed good. I think it just makes him happy having everyone together to be there with him, you know?"

Mum nods, smiling. "It's getting late; I think I'll head up to bed pretty soon here."

"Me, too, Mum. I just—uh—I just have to take my potion first."

Dad frowns. "What potion?"

Remus reaches into the canvas bag on his shoulder and pulls out the complimentary copy of The Practical Potioneer, Vol. 16, No. 23 that Belby sent him in the mail last month. It's already fairly battered, with the first page of Belby's paper dog-eared. "The Wolfsbane Potion. It's new. It lets you keep your mind when you make werewolf transformations…"

He trails off at his parents' reactions. Dad looks like he might cry, whereas Mum is already starting to turn red with anger. "And when exactly did you find time to brew an illicit, dubious potion that claims to do what no one has been able to do for centuries?"

"It's not illicit; it just doesn't have Ministry approval yet. And Lily brewed it for me," Remus fibs. "She gave me some to try last month… when you were in Ireland…"

"You mean to say you've already taken this drug without telling us what you were up to?"

"But I'm fine! I'm fine. James and Peter and Sirius came over to chain me up, like they promised they would when I told them you were going out of town, and they stayed up the whole night with me after I took it. They would have noticed and taken me to St. Mungo's if there were any reason to believe I was in any medical danger."

"Your mother's right, Remus," says Dad quietly. "If you were going to take an unapproved potion like this for the first time, you should have done it with supervision from adults, not from your teenage schoolmates. Your mum and I have placed enormous trust in you by allowing you to transform in the presence of your mates instead of us to begin with, and you violated that trust by doing this without our knowledge or approval."

"Violated—" For the first time, Remus starts getting angry, raising his voice ever so slightly. "I'm of age, Dad! I'm seventeen! And it's not exactly like you or any other adults are keeping a close eye on me when I transform at school nine months out of the year—"

"Maybe we should be, if your judgment is going to be so compromised!" shouts Mum.

"My judgment is not compromised. It's my body. You don't know how it feels to have this disability; you have no idea what I went through every month before taking the Wolfsbane Potion, and if I want to risk injury—or, hell, risk death—because I think it's worth it to escape from that hell—"

"We have no idea what you go through? Your conscious mind shuts off during the transformation, Remus!" says Mum now. "You wake up with no memories of it. We're the ones who have to watch our child suffering and know that there's nothing we can do to—"

"But there is something you can do to help. You can let me take this potion and trust me that it will work out all right."

"It's not about trust!" says Mum.

"Dad just said it's about trust! The trust you have in me to let me and my friends handle it—"

"We never should have let them stay with you instead of us," Mum insists. "You're all too young. You shouldn't have even told them about your condition—"

"I told you, they figured it out on their own! I didn't tell anyone anything. But clearly I was wrong to ever have tried to keep it from them in the first place. You know, when I told my mates about the Wolfsbane Potion, they were skeptical, but they didn't try and stop me from taking it because they trust me."

"Remus—"

But Remus is stomping up the stairs and into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him with a satisfying bang. More than anything, he wishes he could talk to Sirius about what just happened—Apparate back to he and Lily's flat, or, hell, even just put it in a letter in the owl post—but every time he thinks about Sirius, he feels weird and shuddery and guilty, and Remus doubts that talking to Sirius right now would be a comfort. Instead, he pulls out a sheaf of parchment and starts composing a note to Peter.

It's short, when he finishes it: Mum and Dad took the news really badly. I wish I could be with you right now instead of with them. He sneaks into his parents' bedroom to borrow their owl and then hauls himself back into his room, flinging himself on the bed and punching the pillow.

Peter's reply comes half an hour later. Meet me at my house tomorrow. We'll go out and do something, just you and me. Sound good?

Thank you, Remus writes back, and then he settles in for a fitful sleep—but not before he reaches into his trunk for the potion Belby gave him and swallows the night's dose.