Previously in the Darklyverse: Alice married Frank in a rush after getting pregnant. The Order found out from Snape that there's a spy in their midst as Lily and James went into hiding.

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March 15th, 1980: Alice Longbottom

Alice still feels like she's done something terribly, terribly wrong to be carrying a child. Sure, she and Frank are married now, but she's always going to feel ashamed when she looks back on her old wedding photos and sees the baby bump that her dress couldn't hide. She's always going to know that they rushed into this because of the baby, and she's always going to second guess whether they would have ended up married at all if they hadn't accidentally started a family together.

All the time, Alice will wake up or sit down or put her hand on her belly and feel like none of this is real. She can't possibly be married and pregnant, can she? But all the changes happening to her body say otherwise—the nausea, the soreness, the cravings. She feels like she's hurtling toward Neville's birth and wants more than anything to slow down, but can't.

How is Alice supposed to slow down and take care of another human life? She can barely take care of herself—constantly finds herself retreating inward and trying to shut everybody else out in order to cope.

Work is going well, at least, and she throws herself into it in the effort to avoid confronting her own thoughts, trying to make the most of her time in Auror training before she has to go on maternity leave. Of course, that also means she's spending nearly every waking minute of every day in Frank's company, and that…

It's not that things are going badly between the two of them. Things are actually going remarkably well, considering the circumstances. They'd already been happily living together by the time Alice got pregnant, and so it wasn't a huge leap to get married—after all, what's marriage besides just a sheaf of parchment? Still, it feels like Alice's entire life lately is Frank and the baby, and she's afraid she's jumping in too deep, that she won't have anybody left to pull her out if and when it all goes wrong.

She starts kind of—avoiding Lily, which also means avoiding James. It's not that she's upset with Lily or doesn't want to be her friend anymore, but she feels like Lily is living the life Alice would have wanted for herself in certain ways—doing the marriage-and-kids thing in the correct order, feeling totally secure in her relationship without having rushed into it for external reasons. But in other ways, it's like she has what Lily must want—the freedom to go outside without fear of Voldemort bombing her to death—and she feels embarrassed to be in Lily's presence, like she's stolen something from Lily. After all, Voldemort could have just as easily decided that the prophecy was about Alice's son and not Lily's at all. Alice could just as easily be in Lily's shoes right now—or dead, more likely, since Snape wouldn't have bothered to give the Order a warning if it weren't Lily's life that was in danger.

Once again, Alice is finding herself without any particular person that she can lean on. She knows that person is supposed to be Frank, but what Alice really needs is a friend who's not in the thick of it with her, somebody who can give Alice a bit of distance and perspective when they see each other. She'd tried to get close to Mary when they were both lonely, but now Mary is tight with Lily and seems to have made up with Marlene, too. Em and Peter are still doing their weird thing, Sirius has got James, and that leaves Remus, whom Alice—hasn't really talked to in a long time, to be totally honest.

So she sends Remus an owl and then Apparates to his and Benjy's flat the following day around teatime. "Hey, Alice," says Benjy waving from his seat in his recliner while Remus opens the door and gives Alice a quick hug.

Neville starts kicking at that moment, and Remus startles. "I can feel him!" he says, like it's the most wonderful thing in the world. "Can I—"

"Uh, yeah, of course," says Alice politely, and Remus tentatively puts a hand on her stomach.

"Oh my god. He's growing up, Al."

"Yeah, he is. I can hardly believe he'll be here in—not even five months now."

"You're going to make such a great mum," Remus says, but then he frowns at the look on Alice's face. "You are, you know. I know it."

"I just…"

Remus takes her jacket and walks back into the flat. "Let's talk back here," he says, walking backwards towards his bedroom. She follows him in and sits down on the bed next to him when he pats the mattress. "Is everything okay, Alice? You and Frank are okay, right?"

"Yeah. We're fine. Everything's fine. I just… this wasn't the plan. Obviously, this wasn't the plan, and I don't feel like I'm ready to do this."

"So it wasn't the plan. I know it must be hard not having as long to prepare for Neville's birth as you would like, but you still have time. I bet you're reading every pregnancy book you can get your hands on, aren't you?"

"Yes," says Alice, and Remus snaps his fingers and points, "but that's not the point. What if I'm a terrible mother, Rem? What if I'm too young? What if—?"

"Do you think Lily and James are too young?" asks Remus.

"Well, no, but—"

"So if it's not an age thing, is it a maturity thing? Do you think you and Frank are crazy, wild young party people who are too irresponsible to be parents?"

"No, but—"

"See?" says Remus, like he's just irrefutably proven something fundamental about Alice, and she sort of wants to scream. "Plenty of first-time parents are younger and less prepared than you and Frank. I know parenting is an impossible job, but you're going to be as ready for it as you can be, and I know you're going to love him, Alive. That's what counts."

"I feel so alone," Alice admits in a whisper. "I mean—I don't mean to say that Frank hasn't been there for me. He has. But he's so excited, and I'm so scared, and he doesn't seem to get it, you know? I feel like I can't talk to him about it because he'll just laugh it off."

Remus says, "If you're that worried, he wouldn't laugh it off. Frank is a good bloke. He wouldn't trivialize your concerns like that, even if he doesn't agree with them."

"I know. I know I'm being ridiculous. But it feels like I'm right about all of it. I'm just…"

"I'm sorry you're lonely." Alice scoffs a little and wipes her eyes dry. "I'm glad you came and talked to me about it. Have you done much of that with anyone lately? Talking it out?"

"No," says Alice quietly.

"Well, you can talk to me anytime, and I know the rest of us must feel the same way."

"I just don't… I've never had a best friend the way everybody else has. I always just feel like I'm getting in the way of other people's love stories."

"Hey. You're not in my way. Okay? You're never in my way, no matter what. Whatever you need."

Alice smiles weakly. "Okay. Thanks, Remus."

"You know, I was going to drop by Lily and James's house later tonight, if you want to come with me? I bet they'd really love to see you."

"Oh, no, that's okay. I should probably be going, anyway—"

"Don't go," says Remus quickly. "You just got here. Will you stay a few hours and keep me company? You could help me make dinner, if you want."

So she stays through the afternoon, eating a home-cooked supper with Remus and Benjy and then Disapparating for home around five. Frank is in the living room and, upon spotting Alice, immediately throws down his Prophet copy and gets up to give her a kiss. "Did you have a good time with Remus?" he asks her.

"Yeah, it was good," says Alice distractedly. "How was your day?"

"Oh, fine. I'm glad you're home. Pol stopped by earlier, but you're not missing much there. Apparently he and Siobhan Flynn are dating now."

"Peter's ex? That's… unexpected. She owled Peter a few times after we graduated; we all kind of got the impression that she wanted to get back with him, but that was right when he and Em started properly dating, so nothing happened, obviously."

"How are Peter and Emmeline doing, anyway? I feel like I haven't really sat down and talked with either of them in forever."

"Oh, they're fine. I think Peter is pretty shaken up about this business with Snape telling us all that there's a spy in the Order for the Death Eaters."

"You can hardly blame him," says Frank. "I can hardly believe that anyone in the Order could possibly do something like that."

"I don't want to believe it," says Alice. "It would be a lot easier to assume that Snape was lying, but why would he be lying? If Lily really is in enough danger that Snape is coming to us to protect her, it doesn't make sense for him to try to trick us into believing anything that isn't real."

Frank says, "You'd tell me if it were you, right? Not that I'm accusing you of being the spy, but if you were?"

"Of course I would tell you, and I'd hope that you would tell me if it were you, too."

"Well, I can safely say that it isn't me."

"No," says Alice, "it isn't me, either."

They kind of nervously look at each other for a second, and then Alice laughs and rubs the back of her neck. "Do you want to play some Exploding Snap or something? I'm tired of heavy conversations."

"Uh-oh," says Frank. "Did it go that badly with Remus?"

"No! No, it went very well, actually. I just… might have unloaded some stuff onto him."

"Like what? I mean, if you want to tell me; it's okay if you don't," he adds quickly.

"No, it's okay, I just… have been having a lot of doubts about this baby lately. I feel like I'm not ready for it."

"Okay," says Frank. "Do you still want to have Neville?"

"If you're talking about abortion—"

"I was thinking more along the lines of adoption, but if you…"

"Oh. No, I don't want to give him away. I don't think I could live with myself if I gave him away."

"Because that is an option, you know. I know we're young, and I know this family didn't happen on purpose."

"No, I want to keep him," says Alice. "I don't think I realized it completely until you asked me that, but—I don't want to give him up. He's mine. He's ours."

"Okay. Then that's square one, okay? No matter what else you're feeling, just remember that you're his mother and that he belongs with us. Everything else we can figure out as we go."

"I just don't want to make a terrible mistake. There are so many things that could go wrong. And I don't want us to get divorced six months after Neville is born just because parenting is hard and we weren't ready to get married when we did."

"Do you feel like we're having problems?" Frank asks.

"Well, no, I guess not."

He smiles. "Then don't worry about a problem that isn't even there yet. If things get complicated later, we'll deal with that as it comes, too."

All in all, she reflects twenty minutes later when they're playing Exploding Snap and laughing, she's had worse days. She still feels like she's missing that best friend that everybody else in her life has for themselves, but maybe Remus or even Frank can be that for her. Even if she and Frank do end up splitting up and she does make mistakes with Neville, maybe it'll be all right. Maybe she doesn't have to be perfect—she just has to have love in her heart, and she can feel that even now, pressing a hand to her stomach and smiling.