Previously in the Darklyverse: Before fourth year, before Bellatrix murdered Emmeline's parents, Sirius and Emmeline had a brief romantic entanglement. In sixth year, Andy spent the year teaching Defense in order to keep an eye on Sirius. Lucius Malfoy placed Emmeline under the Imperius Curse, and the Gryffindors took her to the Potters' house to try to break the curse. Minister Albert Runcorn sought international aid against the Death Eaters. Remus started spending full moons with Sirius.

xx

March 13th, 1982: Sirius Black

The most interesting thing that happens at the Order meeting is the announcement that Emmeline has been put under the Imperius Curse—though, of course, Sirius already knew about this. It's not like they've made much progress elsewhere: Mary's and the Weasleys' recruitment efforts are still going slowly, they're all still having to Disapparate out of raids with Muggles in tow without making any captures to keep themselves from getting killed, and nobody has got the foggiest idea what Runcorn's end game is with his surprising choice to seek foreign aid to assist in the war.

There are three new faces at tonight's meeting—Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt; Sirius's own cousin Andromeda; and Andromeda's husband, Ted. At first, Sirius is startled to see Andromeda and Ted there—Mary didn't tell him that she'd recruited them—but he supposes that's only fair. He hasn't spoken to Andy since the end of her disastrous year as Sirius's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, and he and Mary haven't been particularly close in what feels like a long time.

Somewhere along the line, Snape wormed his way into attendance for full Order meetings, rather than just giving his report at the beginning and Disapparating before the bulk of it. Sirius doesn't like it, but it wasn't his call: apparently, it was Dumbledore's, even though Dumbledore never bothers to show up for these meetings anymore.

The former Headmaster of Hogwarts is still on leave from school doing god knows what to track down Voldemort's Horcruxes, and to Sirius's knowledge, Dumbledore hasn't contacted anybody for any favors since telling Snape to ask around with the Death Eaters. With a dozen of their number dead, and Doc recently missing, Sirius can't help but feel like they're running out of time for Dumbledore's singlehanded dillydallying. He has half a mind to hunt the old man down and demand that he and the others be able to help with whatever it is that Dumbledore's doing—only he's sure that, if he did, Dumbledore would just freeze him out even more.

He and Sturgis both agree to take another look at the curse-identification spell on the orb, this time with Mary's help. James was on the team last time, too, and Sirius volunteers him on James's behalf. Sirius is skeptical that Mary will actually be able to help with anything—he's no master at spelling himself, but at least he has a bit of practical experience with it, whereas she's never developed a spell before in her life. Remus and Alice are adamant in their insistence that Mary lead the team, though, and Sirius braces himself for a lot of frustration and long nights away from the castle.

When the last discussion winds to a close, as much as Sirius wants to say hello to Remus, he sucks it up and flags down Andy and Ted. "I didn't know you two were coming into the fold," he says. He can't quite muster much enthusiasm in his voice, but he thinks his smile looks warm, at least. "How did Mary get you on board, anyway?"

"We're both working at the Prophet now," says Andy. "She said she remembers that we were each other's favorite cousins."

"It didn't take much convincing," says Ted conspiratorially. "I think Dromeda wanted to look out for you, now that we had a way in."

Sirius can't help but dislike Ted, even though he can admit that his reasons aren't Ted's fault: Sirius just always has seen him as the man who took Andy away from him. He knows that assessment isn't entirely fair. Sirius was at Hogwarts by the time Andy announced her engagement, and it was Andromeda, not Ted, who refused to take Sirius in over the summers like he had wanted her to. Still, he can't help feeling like Andromeda abandoned him when he was a kid in an abusive home life, and then there was the fiasco with Andy teaching Defense and clearly trying to draw him away from the illicit work he was doing with the Hogwarts branch of the Order. In retrospect, Sirius wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore put Andy up to watching him that year at Hogwarts. It's not like the whole staff didn't know who was behind those pranks they were doing.

"I'm not at Hogwarts anymore," says Sirius, and his voice sounds a little stiff.

He's half expecting Andy to try and stop him—to try and talk him out of being in the Order with her or something—but Andy just smiles again. "I'm not saying you shouldn't fight for what you believe in. I just want to know that someone's looking out for you."

Sirius can't really blame her for not trusting anybody else in the Order to look out for him. Before she joined it herself, how could she?

"Maybe we could have you over for dinner sometime," says Ted. "Dora will love you. You know she's turning nine in a few months?"

"She sounds huge," says Sirius noncommittally.

"She is huge. I'm dreading the day she becomes a teenager," says Andy dryly.

Remus chooses that moment to rescue him; he gives Andy a hug, shakes Ted's hand, and immediately asks if they have any pictures on hand of Nymphadora. "Don't let her hear you calling her that," says Ted with a grin while Andy rummages for her wallet. "She decided when she was six that she hates her name. She only lets people out in the world call her 'Tonks' now."

Andy and Ted Disapparate a few minutes later, leaving Sirius and Remus to avoid each other's eyes. "I could help you with Em overnight," says Remus. "On my body clock, I've got hours and hours before I need to sleep."

"Don't worry about it. You were there all day today, right? You need a break from it. I've got this."

"Make sure you let Lily and Prongs take over for you before it's too late at night."

"I will. I'll go back to Hogwarts after a few hours and sleep through the morning, just like full moons."

"Yeah," says Remus, his voice fading, and Sirius wonders if he, too, is thinking about full moons at Hogwarts—whether with the Marauders back when they were students or alone together in Sirius's quarters this February. He wonders if February were as intense for Remus as it was for him.

Before he can help himself, the words slip right out: "You could—you could meet me at Hogwarts tonight when I get back from Prongs's house, if you wanted. You don't work until Monday, right?"

"And do what?" says Remus with a small smile. "Sit in bed with you while you sleep?"

He's thinking, of course, about the way it feels to sleep tangled up in Remus's limbs, not just when they were dating but back before all that, at Hogwarts, when Sirius used to slip into the Hospital Wing before and between classes the morning after full moons and sneak naps with Remus in his hospital bed. Even then, long before they were together, there was a high that Sirius got from sharing a bed with Remus, feeling the heat of his skin and his breath in such close proximity to his own. He never slept well the morning after full moons, catching an hour or two of sleep at a time with his screaming muscles and the noise of Madam Pomfrey fussing over patients keeping him in a half-conscious haze, but he can't think of many feelings more pleasurable than drifting in and out of sleep with Remus at his side.

That was love, Sirius thinks. Not all the complications that came with his sexuality and his dead ex-girlfriend and his utter (and utterly wrong) conviction that Remus was the spy, but the simplicity of lying on a cot, letting Remus nest his icy-cold toes in between Sirius's calves. So sue him for wanting, in a brief moment of vulnerability, to get that back.

"Forget it," he tells Remus. "I'll see you…" He trails off, realizing that he's not actually sure when he'll see Remus again. "I'll see you around."

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

He'd already turned around and gotten his wand out to Disapparate, and it's a little pathetic how quickly he turns around with the corners of his lips turned up when Remus calls him back. Remus says, "I'll Floo into your quarters at one o'clock British time, okay?"

Totally against his own will, Sirius breaks into a grin. "I'll be there," he promises. He doesn't ask what changed Remus's mind, afraid that trying to unpack it will break whatever spell has come over Remus.

It's only eight o'clock in the evening in Britain (which here in Vancouver is noon) when Sirius lets himself into Emmeline's mind, but she's already fading fast. Sirius knows from doing this over and over again with other wizards that the exhaustion starts to set in early and continues to make wizards miserable until the process is complete. Just let me go, she pleads after they've been at it for an hour. I'll do whatever you want me to do after I've gotten some sleep. Just let me go to sleep.

I can't let you do that, he tells her stoically. You say that now, but if you get any sleep, we'll lose all the headway that Remus and James and Lily and Alice made with you today. We need you back, Em. We can't lose you like this.

Please, Sirius.

He probably shouldn't be surprised to hear her think his name, but nonetheless, it catches him off guard. So you know who I am—you know who you're talking to.

Yes.

Then you remember who I am—who Sirius Black is to you.

I…

He pauses. It would be unnecessarily cruel to play on any lingering emotion Emmeline may still have for him. Would she be grateful when she gets through this that he brought her out of it faster by going there, or would she have wanted to spend the extra hours or days that it might take for her to break the curse if he doesn't? He knows he has to word this carefully, if he's going to dare to do it, and Sirius has never been good with careful words. Do you remember when we were kids? he thinks hard, wishing he could package up the desperation he's feeling and channel it at her without words. Or are you buried too deep in there to think back to it?

I don't…

We were best friends, do you remember that? The summer before second year, you even used to come to Grimmauld Place. You were terrified of my dear old mum, but we hid up in my bedroom, playing wizard's chess and blowing bubbles of Drooble's. You'd leave for the day, and the bubbles would still be floating around the room, and I'd cup them in my hands and think about the fact that your lips had been touching them just hours before. Did I ever tell you that?

There's a pause. You're just trying to distract me. You're trying to make me forget about what good care the Voice will take of me.

Your Voice doesn't love you, Em. I love you. Don't you remember our first kiss?

I don't care about our first kiss, Em thinks hotly.

But you did. We were in the library, remember? I didn't want to go—I must have wanted to stay behind with James and help him plan his next prank on Snape or whatever—but we had that essay due for Quirrell. Alice and Marlene were already done with it—none of the others were taking Muggle Studies—but you and I had put it off all weekend because we were too busy trying out the passageway to Hogsmeade that James and I had found the weekend before. It was Monday night, and the essay was due Wednesday. We were sitting side by side with books spread out all over the table. Your knee was touching my knee.

No… stop it…

Sirius does not stop it. I could feel your leg shaking. I glanced at you out the corner of my eye, and your eyes were fixed in the same place on the book you were looking at. You obviously weren't reading. So I sort of nudged my foot around yours so I could hook our legs together, but you kept looking down, like you thought you could pull it off—like you thought you could convince me that you were concentrating. I think I put my hand on your shoulder. I said your name, and then you looked at me, and I—and I kissed you. We had no idea what we were doing. I was probably very bad at it, but it was the best thing I'd ever felt. When I got back to my dorm that night, I couldn't stop licking my lips. I was crazy about you.

Emmeline interjects, You're trying to confuse me. I won't let you.

You're the one who's confused. What do you call the person who put you under this curse—the Voice? Your Voice wants you to forget everything that everyone else ever meant to you, but I never forgot you, Emmeline. Could you really forget about me? After all the years we've been friends—after everything we've ever meant to each other—could you do it?

But I don't love you like that anymore. I…

That's right, thinks Sirius encouragingly. You love Peter. Let's talk about him. You remember Peter, don't you? You remember what he was to you before he left?

Peter?

Yeah, Peter. I know the others have been talking to you about him all day. I know you've got to be sick of hearing his name. But we need to talk about him.

Em's mind is quiet for a moment—he can only guess what emotions are racing through it that he can't hear. But Peter lied, she finally thinks, and it's the first thought Sirius has heard from her all night that sounds anything remotely like her. He left us. He left me. Why would I want to think about him? Why would I want to hurt?

Sirius stops for a moment. He's never gone this direction with an Imperius Curse victim before—trying to bring them back by reminding them of something painful, rather than giving them something good to fight for—but maybe… Think about him, Em. Think about how bad he hurt you.

I can't.

You have to. You have to. The way you feel about Peter leaving? That's the way we would feel if we lost you to this thing.

There's another pause. You don't love me like I loved him.

Maybe not, but you were my first love, Em. I haven't forgotten. Have you?

I… no. I haven't forgotten.

It's a breakthrough, but Sirius knows better than to assume that Emmeline is free—they still have a long road ahead of them. I'm going to need you to do something for me, and you're not going to want to do it. I'm going to need you to tell me what the Voice told you to do, and then do the opposite of it. What did It tell you?

I can't tell you that, Emmeline thinks dully.

Sure you can. You survived St. Mungo's, with all those awful wizards monitoring your Floo conversations and trying to keep you locked up for the rest of your life. You got out of there, didn't you? And you didn't try to kill yourself when you got free, not ever again. Something in you wanted to live—wanted to fight—just like you can fight right now.

It—It told me to act normal, she admits in a rush, and It told me—I was supposed to meet It after the Order meeting! I was supposed to tell It what I learned! I have to—

You can't go anywhere. We've got Anti-Apparition spells warding the whole place, and anyway, you don't have your wand. I guess you could try to get my wand, but we've got you in ropes—there's no getting free. You say It told you to act normal? Look me in the face and tell me—with your voice, not your thoughts—tell me how It put you under the Imperius Curse.

But I can't—

"LOOK AT ME!" Sirius roars.

It feels strange to use his voice after all this time communicating with her by thought, but it does the trick—she looks at him. Her eyes are still misty and blank, with no crinkles around them to betray any emotion, but they're aimed at him.

"Good," he says. "That's good. Remember, the sooner you do these things for me, the sooner you can sleep. Now—tell me what It did to you."

She doesn't tell him, but that's no surprise: it'll take at least another day to break her free. Honestly, he's impressed that he was able to get through to her as fast as he did, especially given that this is someone who has a track record of trying to kill herself to escape a miserable reality. That Emmeline would so quickly turn herself over to the pain of freedom startles him.

He's gotten so absorbed in their mental back-and-forth that he isn't expecting Lily to open the door to the nursery and relieve him of his duties. He takes a quick piss in the bathroom before he Flooes back, tension rising in his muscles, because—

—when Sirius stumbles out of his fireplace, Remus is already in Sirius's living quarters, holding up a canvas bag. "I brought snacks," he says, "in case you're famished after working with Em for so long. I didn't know which you'd want to do first: sleep or eat."

"Sleep," says Sirius. He didn't realize until this moment just how burnt out he feels. "Definitely sleep. But—thank you for thinking of me."

Remus doesn't seem bothered, casting a quick Cooling Charm on whatever's inside the bag and getting up from the couch. "And you're just going to sleep, right? That's it?"

"That's it," agrees Sirius, shoving down the part of him that wants to argue.

Back in the bedroom, he curls up next to Remus, closes his eyes, and pretends like they're sixteen again—like they're cuddled up in the Hospital Wing where it hasn't even occurred to Sirius yet that he might want Remus to be more than just his mate. He imagines that the bed is harder and smaller, with just a thin pillow and a blanket to keep them warm—that his whole body aches from a long night of running and sparring with Moony and Prongs and Wormtail.

But they can't go back, and Sirius can never un-know what it's like to hurt the man opposite him. He clings to the edge of consciousness for as long as he can stand, then quickly changes into Padfoot and nestles into Remus's chest.