The farmer wished she hadn't said anything to Gray about visiting Mary today; the last thing she wanted to do was socialize. It would be a simple in and out trip, she told herself. Claire would stay longer when she was in better spirits.

"I've come to return a book," the farmer handed it over and turned to leave. It had been hard enough for her to come into town. She ached to go back home so she could wallow some more in privacy.

"How did you like it?" Mary asked.

Questions were painful, and answering them was a chore. "It was pretty good," she admitted shortly, turning around to give the librarian a small smile that looked more like a grimace. In truth, she had enjoyed the book immensely and it had been very helpful, but she didn't have the heart to stay and chat today.

"I'm so glad that it was of use to you," Mary replied, returning the book to the shelf.

The farmer found her escape; Claire turned to the door again. "Well, I don't want to keep you-"

"Wait," Mary's strained voice was desperate, and Claire stopped in her tracks. "You're not keeping me from anything at all." The librarian paused and bit her lip. "Claire, can you stay a bit? There's… something I need to t-talk to you about."

"O-okay." The farmer's legs felt weak. Another talk. She had a feeling she didn't want to stay for long.

Mary straightened up a stack of papers behind her desk and stood in the lobby. The farmer felt she had no choice but to join her.

"You looked beautiful at the dance," Mary smiled.

The conversation topic took her by surprise. "You did, too. I loved your flowers," Claire confessed, loosening up a bit.

"Thank you," Mary reddened, "you know, you made a lot of the other girls jealous last night," the librarian giggled.

Claire was hardly the kind of woman that anyone envied. She cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. "What are you talking about?" Her eyes abashedly drifted toward the shelves of books.

"You looked like a princess and you seemed like you were in your element," the young woman adjusted her glasses. "You were glowing."

She absentmindedly read the titles of the volumes that sat on the shelf. Anything was better than making contact with those mocha brown eyes. "You were, too," Claire didn't recognize the sound of her own voice.

Mary blushed as she quietly pulled out a couple of chairs. The farmer sat down across from her without realizing it. "I had a wonderful time… It seems like you and Cliff did, too."

"Yeah, he really is a good friend," a small smile found its way on her face, but she couldn't shake her ache from earlier that day.

The librarian realized it was time to drop the formalities. That look in Claire's eyes could mean only one thing. "I get the feeling Gray must have stopped by your place earlier," Mary gave her companion a sympathetic gaze as she nervously wrung her hands in her lap. "I can see it on your face." Of course the bloodshot eyes and raw face were a dead giveaway that she had been crying all day, but to call attention to this seemed cruel to Claire. The farmer felt her cordiality drop away at Mary's comment.

So the librarian is in on this. Maybe other people know Gray never cared for me. Had he gone around telling everyone before he bothered to tell me? The blonde frowned as she felt her bitterness returning to her.

"I know that what he said must have hurt. I'm sorry you had to go through that," Mary hesitated, "but there was a reason why he needed to tell you today."

Claire was tired and her heart hurt. "What are you getting at? Please stop talking in riddles and just say what you want to say." She was aware that she was not necessarily acting very tactful, but she had reached her threshold today. The farmer was either going to snap a bit or start crying again, and she really didn't want to do the latter – her face stung from the dampness of her tears throughout the day.

Mary looked taken aback for a moment, but she tried to understand how the farmer was feeling. Claire was probably very distressed and confused, she realized. "Gray and I… we became a couple shortly before the dance last night started."

Claire blinked. She had already been so numbed throughout the course of the day that this new piece of information didn't hurt as much as she expected. Instead, it baffled her a bit. "Why didn't he tell me when he stopped by my place earlier?" her voice weakened. Why is this information being fed to me in small doses, and by different people? She found herself clenching her fists as her anger returned.

Mary furrowed her brows. "He wanted to tell you how he felt without mentioning me so that you wouldn't think I stole him from you; so that you would be angry with him instead of me. He wanted to focus just on the things that have happened between the two of you. And… I made him promise that I could be the one to tell you we're together now," she added carefully.

"Why?" So she could rub it in my face, she thought bitterly.

The librarian caught the look on the farmer's face. She understood that Claire was in pain, and her frustration made Mary feel she needed to be very careful with her choice of words. "You know how fast news travels in a small town like this. I didn't want you to find out about us from Manna and leave you wondering why Gray didn't say anything about it in the first place. I also thought you should know why he chose today to tell you. I know that you don't like him very much right now, but I don't want you to completely hate-"

"Well, it's too late for that," Claire spat as her anger returned. "He led me on for far too long. He's a coward! He should have told me this stuff ages ago!" she cried in exasperation as she gripped her fingers on her long blonde hair, scraping her scalp in frustration. If Mary was trying to explain things clearly, she had failed miserably, the farmer grumbled to herself. She partly wished Gray told her so she would have a good enough excuse for punching him. The blonde bit her tongue both as punishment and to prevent herself from saying something she would regret. Those kinds of thoughts didn't help and she knew it. Claire was determined to remain mature throughout this situation. She had done so well earlier, but she was getting emotionally burnt out. It was hard remaining strong…

Mary folded her hands in her lap. "I won't defend his actions, but he does feel badly about it."

Claire clenched her jaw. The farmer knew it wasn't the librarian's fault, but she wanted to be angry at someone other than herself; it hurt too much to view the situation as entirely her fault.

"He didn't treat you right… This whole thing turned out to be such a mess… It should have never come to this in the first place, like you mentioned. I… I wish you could apologize for other people," she muttered softly, wringing her hands.

Claire realized that her companion was trying to handle the situation in the best way she knew how, and she could hardly blame her for any of this. "I… can't be mad at you, Mary. You won, fair and square. He… liked you better," her throated tightened as she felt her eyes well up with tears. The anger faded and was replaced with sadness once more. She blinked and the tears tumbled down her cheeks. The old Claire would have been ashamed at weeping in front of her rival.

She wasn't sure when she had gone to Mary's arms, but a light hand was rubbing her back in a soothing manner. "It's okay to be upset. He should have been more honest with you," she murmured. "I'm sorry you got wrapped up in all of this. You deserve to be happy, too, Claire…"

Even with her congested sinuses, Claire could tell that Mary's hair smelled of rosewater. It was strangely comforting. She buried her face in the young woman's shoulder. Part of her wanted to say the only way she would be content was if she had Gray, too, but she knew that wasn't the truth. What was the point of pursuing someone who had no interest? She let out a breathy sigh into Mary's forearm and wiped her eyes. "Sorry I got you all wet," she looked at the young woman apologetically.

Mary shook her head to let her know that no harm had been done. She almost said that someday Claire would find someone that would make her happy, too, but it didn't feel right. She was afraid the young woman would take it as gloating. It was probably going to take the farmer time to heal and the librarian realized that she needed to respect that. Sometimes the most comforting words were none at all, but a simple embrace and the company of another.

The pair stood in silence for a long time.

The anger and pent-up rage wore off and Claire's heart began to ache. She now understood that the young woman didn't relish in telling the farmer that her love interest had been taken. However, she knew that it would take her some time to want to spend any time with Mary. "Please forgive me; this will take me some time to get over," Claire murmured quietly. She surprised herself at how honest and reasonable she was being. They almost didn't sound like her own words. "It might be a while before I come over to read more of your story, but please don't take it personally. I… need time."

"I understand. You've matured so much from when we first met." There was no judgment in Mary's voice.

She felt ready to begin sobbing again; her emotions were raw. She needed a place that was quiet where she could be alone with her thoughts. "I'm going to go to the church now," Claire's heart was heavy. She stood up to leave, and Mary caught her in a tight embrace.

"Be well," Mary said quietly.

"Thank you. I honestly wish you both the best." This time, the words sounded a little more like Claire's.

0o0o0o0

Claire hated that she visited the house of worship much more often when she was upset. The gods were not genies that granted wishes; she had to take the bad things with the good in life, the farmer reminded herself once again. Even so, the young woman found a visit was necessary today. She had never met such a friendly, open pastor like Carter and she needed to release her emotions to someone. She didn't know how she made it to the church – her head was dizzy with emotion and she lacked the will to do much of anything. Putting one foot in front of the other felt like a monumental task. Claire stumbled inside and sat quietly in the back row. She spied Cliff sitting up at the front pew but she didn't have the heart to engage him at the moment. She needed silence; she needed to be alone while she collected her thoughts for speaking to Carter.

Deep down, she knew that it was inevitable – Gray was never hers to begin with, anyway. He was polite enough to her, but when she really thought about it, they had a hard time truly connecting. She thought of him working at the furnace, swinging a hammer, and her heart gave a flutter. She had been initially attracted to his physical strength, honestly, and she felt a little embarrassed of this fact. Claire shook her head. She was cheapening her feelings towards him. It had turned into far more than a physical attraction; she had also been drawn to his passion and the way he was constantly struggling to better himself and earn the approval of his grandfather. She wanted to improve herself as a farmer, but the two never really seemed to relate on the subject through conversation. After all, Gray had never been an easy person to talk to.

It's not as if he asked Mary to be his wife, she's only his girlfriend. I can always wait things out and see if he's still interested later… Claire shook her head, feeling foolish for even having that thought. He had already said no. She and Gray were simply not meant to be. Besides, she could hardly be angry at Mary for the way things turned out. The young woman had been nothing but kind to Claire. In a way, it made the whole situation a lot harder for the farmer.

The blonde snapped back to reality for a moment as Carter came out of the confessional and greeted Cliff. The priest locked eyes with her, but didn't say a word. He asked his friend about the dance, and the young man immediately began to speak excitedly, standing up and bouncing to his feet. Claire's pain dissipated a little; it hardly surprised her that Cliff was used to dancing and he didn't appear to be sore at all. His happiness gave her a short moment of reprieve. A kind smile crossed the pastor's face. Carter suggested they take their conversation in the confessional and he ushered the brown-haired young man behind closed doors without giving him the chance to turn around and see Claire.

Thank you, Carter.

The farmer prayed and focused on opening her mind about today's events. The young woman knew that whether she was happy about it or not, she was going to have to live in a world where Gray wasn't romantically interested in her, simple as that. Furthermore, his heart belonged to someone else. Claire mourned this fact for a few moments before returning her thoughts to a more logical standpoint. She had a feeling that Gray and Mary were in some sort of relationship since she first saw them together, but she had refused to believe it. The farmer noticed that she and the other female had many similar qualities and she figured that if she could be the more outgoing of the two, Claire would be the one to win Gray over. But it hadn't been that simple. She had caught Mary's playful banter. My red pen and I will be waiting… Claire would have to be a fool to not notice their blatant flirtations right in front of her.

When the farmer was honest with herself, she realized she really didn't know that much about Gray. She thought she did at one point, but what did she really know? He was a blacksmith's apprentice that was trying to win the approval of his master. He was strong and passionate; he had a short temper that made her a little nervous and excited at the same time. Gray had a more sensitive side and enjoyed reading, but Claire never knew that part of him very well. He had been kind and gentle with her horse, but things had gotten strange ever since that day he came over for lunging practice, as much as she hated to admit it. There was a whole side of him that she could never get him to reveal for more than a few moments.

She wasn't sure how she felt about this. Mournful, depressed, frustrated? … Relieved? The young woman shook her blonde head. That didn't even make sense. But… maybe part of her never wanted to know the real Gray, only the ideal she had created of him… and perhaps… she had pushed him away in that respect…

It was a sobering thought.

The confessional door opened, and Carter was bidding Cliff goodbye. The priest's eyes met the farmer's once again, and he looked a little surprised that she was still there. Their mutual friend turned to leave and saw her sitting in the back pew.

"Hi, Claire." He saw the anguish in her eyes and the glow from his eyes quickly faded. "Are you alright?"

She gave him a sad smile, twiddling her thumbs before staring down at her feet. "Not at the moment," she admitted, "but it will pass." She hoped that she sounded more confident than she felt. The young woman feared this feeling would never pass. The apprentice was her first love, after all… Her only love.

She moved her eyes back up to her friend and she noticed the young man was watching her carefully. Worry lines appeared on the Cliff's forehead as he understood. "Gray, huh?" His voice was soft and gentle, but not patronizing.

It occurred to Claire that the blacksmith trainee had obviously said something about his new relationship to his roommate. She had never mentioned to Cliff that she was in love with Gray; she was surprised he had picked up on it. Had she been that obvious? Perhaps she was to everyone. She nodded quickly, blinking back tears as the stoic attempts she was feebly making crumbled away.

His stance changed. Cliff took a small step closer to her and tilted his head downward so that their eyes were level. It was a comforting feeling, but a little overwhelming for Claire at the moment – she was feeling everything too much. "Is… there anything I can do?" He put a caring hand on her shoulder, unsure of what to say.

Claire didn't feel ready to speak with Cliff on the subject; the wounds were too fresh. She shook her head. "I'll be alright." To be honest, she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. The young woman actually felt like she had been making some progress.

Cliff had picked up on her body language and allowed her a little more space. He gave her shoulder a friendly pat. "I understand. I will pray for you."

"Th-thank you." Claire didn't expect her voice to crack as her throat tightened.

"Claire, come back here and talk with me," Carter opened the door to the confessional, smiling warmly.

Cliff looked at the priest and back at his friend. The young man understood better than anyone that not every situation required words. He gave the clergyman a polite nod and squeezed Claire's hand in farewell, slipping out of the church silently.

The young woman obeyed the priest as she dragged her feet down the aisle. She never recalled the walk being so long. Perhaps this was the way nervous young women felt when they were getting married, she thought curiously. Too bad she would never know that feeling, now that Gray was out of the picture. Claire's eyes welled up with tears. She would never be Claire Iwata.

Carter guided her into the room with a gentle hand on her back and closed the door behind them.

It was a small room, divided with a privacy screen down the middle. Both occupants of the room knew that this side would be unnecessary today. The other side of the confessional had a pair of matching well-worn armchairs facing each other. It was otherwise a simple room, save a wavy stained glass window that dominated the main wall. The afternoon sunshine poured into the room, creating a patchwork of green, pink, red, and yellow across the carpet. Claire stared at the colors in amazement. Beautiful things did still exist, she realized vaguely.

"Tell me of your troubles, child."

Was it that obvious to everyone? Claire stared at the rainbow of lights playing on the floor as she remembered she was in a confessional; she didn't know how to begin other than to grab a tissue from the box sitting beside her.

Carter filled the silence for her. "Cliff was telling me what a great time you both had at the dance party last night. I'm really glad you got a chance to speak with him about his hometown." The priest folded his hands in his lap and crossed his ankles as he got more comfortable in his armchair.

As absorbed in her anguish as she was, the young woman wasn't blind to the fact that Carter was preparing to settle in while he expected Claire to spill her heart out to him. A side of her mind rebelled. How could anyone possibly understand what she was going through, let alone someone who had taken a vow of celibacy? "Cliff tells you everything, huh?" she didn't mean to sound so cold as she stared out the window. The bright colors no longer provided her comfort; they mocked her pain.

The priest cleared this throat, drawing the young woman's eyes to him. The colors of the windows shifted as the wind played with the branches of the trees in the church's courtyard. Yellow and green splotches danced across Carter's pale brown hair. "He was very excited to tell me about the time you two spent together. It means a lot to him," the clergyman smiled at her, but his expression was serious as their eyes met. "And you know you can tell me everything, too."

0o0o0o0

Author's Note: A huge thank you to all the support I've gotten in the last chapter. It was tough to write, but I'm overall very happy with the way it turned out. This chapter wasn't a walk in the park to write, either. Hopefully it's explained some strange behavior in the past few chapters a bit.

Well, it's been a week since I last updated. It feels like forever to me, haha.

A cookie for anyone who caught Mary quoting Norman Bates from "Psycho". Such a good line.

P.S. I love Carter. Hope you're looking forward to more of our eccentric priest!

Be prepared for some Karen and Ann in the future! ;)