Chapter 8

SPOV

My head feels fuzzy as I slowly come awake. Nothing feels familiar and I reluctantly open an eye. Greeted with unfamiliar sheets and walls with wood paneling, I furiously search my brain for context. With a rush, it all comes back to me, and I wish I could close my eyes and block it all back out. Overhearing Joe, the trip to the cabin and not knowing who I could trust outside a select few that weren't available, locking Ranger in the trunk and his anger, all of it. It's also then that I realize that while there's an indent on the other pillow, I'm alone in bed. That's not exactly unusual after a night in bed with Ranger, but today it feels like more of a loss.

I know he waited for me to fall asleep to search for the distributor cap again. It's what I would have done. I knew when I got him to the cabin that it would only be a matter of time before he had the cuffs off or I felt too guilty and cut them off. After that, there'd be no stopping him, so I had to act fast when we got here. Mr. Donnelly had offered us use of his cabin for a week in the summer throughout most of my childhood. Val and I had explored the woods around the cabin, me more than her. The summer when I was ten, I spent most of the week hacking away at a downed tree across the road and just out of sight from the porch. It was slow going, but I was able to hollow out a section of the backside of it to create a hiding place for the treasures I'd found. I'd used a couple large rocks to guard the entrance. It was all very Indiana Jones-ish back when I was a kid. The tree, and my hidey-hole, were still there when I was fifteen, the last summer we came here. After I parked and opened up the cabin, I'd popped the hood of the '97 Corolla and pulled out the distributor cap. It drug me back into the memories of my first case and reignited my anger at Joe, but it was a move that worked, and I prayed it worked a second time. Taking the distributor cap, both our phones, and Ranger's gun, I skirted along the edge of the driveway and dashed across the crappy dirt road, hoping my memory was right.

The tree was where I thought it was, looking untouched for twenty years. Laying on the downed tree, I felt through the overgrowth and found my rocks. Gently moving them to the side, I pulled out the stones and brick-a-brack that a kid found important and tossed them into the trees. The cap and his phone fit fine; I needed mine until Lester showed up with the clothes and food. I was on the fence about the gun. What if we needed it? I knew deep down that Ranger was unlikely to hurt me or turn the gun on me, but we were in uncharted waters. I don't think I'd ever done anything this bold. Or foolhardy. After wasting another minute, I wedged the gun in, too, before recovering it with the guard rocks and pulling some twigs and other crap over it. Before letting Ranger out of the trunk, I'd retraced my path and walked around the cabin and it's small outbuilding before sucking it up and opening the trunk. My heart speeds up at remembering how feral he looked coming out of the trunk until he realized it was me and that I was responsible for his problems. Then he was just pissed. My heart spasmed at the memory of him telling me we were done as even friends if I didn't uncuff him or give him his phone. Of course, I doubled down on my death wish and denied him every demand. We still weren't talking by the end of the night, but he looked less likely to smother me with a pillow while I slept. Small victory, I guess.

Ranger not being here beside me could mean two things. Either he found my hiding spot and was gone, or he was prowling around still looking. Laying here wondering if it was A or B was pointless. Sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed was done slowly and with much difficulty. Dragging Ranger and getting him into the truck, plus hitting the ground, hard, when he forced the trunk up, left me with some seriously sore muscles. If nothing else, the discomfort reminded me I was alive for now. It's a slow shuffle to the bedroom door and then over to the next door to the bathroom. Halfway through closing the bathroom door, the smell of coffee hits me and a spark of hope blooms in my chest. After doing my business and washing my hands, I cautiously come out and peer around into the kitchen. I let out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding when I see Ranger at the stove stirring something in a pan. When I smelled the coffee, part of me assumed that Ranger was gone, and he'd left a Merry Man in his place.

"Breakfast's almost ready, Babe."

I stop in my tracks, confused by how normal he sounds. I stare at his back for a minute, wondering what my next move should be. Finally, I walk into the kitchen and pull a mug down from the cabinet and ask, "Would you like some coffee?"

He turns to me then. His face is neither animated nor blank. He just is. I have Zen Ranger this morning and the shift is freaking me out a little. Nodding my head after he says yes, I grab another mug and set about pouring us some from the carafe. Just after I've placed the mugs on the table, Ranger joins me, carrying two plates of scrambled eggs and toast. We eat in silence that's a little uncomfortable, but I'm unwilling to press my luck this morning. Yesterday, Ranger said we were done if I didn't yield, and I didn't yield, leaving me unsure of what we even were to each other now. He certainly wasn't shy about trying to twist my feelings to his advantage, and it was just another glimpse into his mercenary mind that he didn't normally allow. I feel the wall slowly building up around my heart, steeling myself for him to walk away. Or worse yet, him getting close and then dropping me in retaliation for what I did.

After we're both done eating, Ranger quietly gathers our plates and rinses them off in the sink. When he returns, he waits for me to make eye contact before asking, "Walk me through it, Babe?"

Blowing out a breath, I begin to explain. His eyes narrow in confusion when I tell him that I was confused by his dinner invitation, but he says nothing. They narrow again when I talk about letting myself into Joe's house to grab my necklace but relax a little when I get to the part about intending to leave my key as an indicator that I was done. He turns thoughtful when I run down the conversation between Morelli and Carmine and when I couldn't get ahold of him to warn him, I came up with the plan to plant a tracker on Carmine so I could keep track of him. I look down at my hands rather than at him when I detail all the ways I messed things up by not knowing who to trust at Rangeman. He shakes his head. "Part of that's on me. We have had a lot of turnover the last six months with guys leaving and transferring between offices. I didn't think how it would look from your angle, since there've always been some guys you were more comfortable with than others."

I shake my head. "I know I should've probably gone to Rangeman and made someone listen. At the very least, I should have left a better message warning you about Joe, but…"

"But what?"

"I was getting a big freaking look at a guy I thought I trusted, and I panicked. What if he'd cloned my phone and could listen to my messages and conversations or track my phone like you? What if I told the wrong person at Rangeman? In my mind it made sense that if Morelli could be corrupt, anyone could. All I could think of was trying to get to you, to protect you. Then I screwed up like usual and got lost and you got here first. I tried to set their car alarm off as a distraction, but it wasn't activated." Ranger reaches for my shaking hands when I don't immediately continue. "I found the knife in their car. I checked and you weren't in the trunk, but something like a body bag was and I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking. I made it to the cabin in time to hear the gunshot and I panicked again. I just had to get to you. When I saw Fratelli with the gun and you on the ground…"

"It's ok, Babe. I'm ok." I nod my head, knowing that it's not ok, but since he's alive I can deal with it. "You had your stun gun. Why not use it.?"

I stare at him a minute, wondering the same thing. I look down at our hands, ashamed of one more misstep that I need help getting out of. "It never occurred to me. You were in danger, and I needed to end that danger."

His thumbs rub over mine. "Babe, look at me." He waits until I do. "I would have done the same thing, gone for lethal force."

"You would have done everything different and not been in that situation."

His free hand comes up and rubs down his face. "I've been in that situation and made the same call. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. Nothing. You have to know that."

I nod. I do know that, but it begs the question, "Then why do you seem so mad that I feel the same way about you?"

He looks to the side and his jaw clenches. "I don't ever want you to put yourself in harm's way. Not for me. I don't deserve it; you don't know what kind of man I am."

"I know enough."

"You don't."

Is this why he keeps me at arm's length? Looking back over the entirety of our friendship, I can see times when I didn't ask the questions I should have, didn't push when I should have. But one thing I do know, even without actual answers from him, is that I know the type of man he is, and what he tries to hide. "I do. I saw the way Anton Ward looked at you when I had to ask you to take over our interrogation. A Stark Street banger doesn't fear you without reason."

"Wouldn't have lasted long on the street if no one was afraid of me."

Leveling him a look, I move on. "I was there when you flung Vlatko off a fourth-floor parking garage. I didn't run. I didn't walk away from you. I didn't breakdown over you doing what needed to be done."

"Babe, I was working a job and protecting you. Nothing was going to happen to me, regardless of Vlatko's status at the end of the day."

He has a point on that one, even if he's missing the point that I didn't walk away. Biting my lip, I know I have to bring up the one that we never talk about. "I know you killed Abruzzi to keep me safe. I never thanked you, didn't know if I was supposed to say anything or pretend that I believed the suicide story."

His face goes carefully blank, and I wait him out for an uncomfortably long time before he gives in. "Don't thank me. I did what I had to do to keep you safe."

"Same."

"Doesn't mean you know me."

His face might be passive, but my anger is building. "Doesn't mean I don't. Why bother pulling me close if you're just going to push me away again?"

It feels like a slap when he answers, "Why do make me love you and then run back to the cop?"

I might have started out the day feeling numb and unsure, but rhino mode is back online. "Because I knew what to expect from him, and I knew what he was offering! I'm afraid you'll decide I'm not worth the effort and that you can do better. And then I'll lose everything."

I try and pull my hand free, but he doesn't let go. He stares at our hands and eventually slides his fingers between mine until we're holding hands. I might be routinely clueless, but I don't miss the vulnerability in his quiet, "I'm afraid you'll run if you see how messed up I am inside."

I squeeze his hands. "We're both majorly screwed up, you know that, right?"

"Yep."

Neither of us say anything after that. The silence is sort-of comforting, sort-of stressful. The wall clock in the kitchen is doing its tick tick tick thing as we sit and hold hands next to each other at the table. I'm afraid he'll get tired of my crazy, he's afraid I won't understand his. "Maybe my crazy balances your crazy."

I don't realize I've mused outside my head until he says, "Babe."

I shrug. "Just saying."

"I'm not sure it works that way."

I give him the side eye. "Why not? When did you suddenly become a rule follower? Mr. legally gray, morally right, I'm an opportunist, Babe. Where does it say we have to follow anyone else's rules?"

I can see him thinking. "I keep you safe, you keep me sane?"

I laugh. "Something like that." I lean back against my seat. "Yesterday, you invited me to dinner. Why?"

He heaves out a sigh and squeezes my hand. Just when I think he's going to leave me hanging, he blows my mind. "I was thinking that I wanted more, but I didn't know if you were ready, or if you'd ever be ready. You basically have half of my closet and all of my heart, but I don't know if you want either or if I'm just a safe landing spot when you need it."

It hurts that I made him think I was using him. "I want it. All of it. But I don't usually get what I want."

"Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith, Babe."

He's looking at me, and the spark of hope turns into a small fire. "Are you going to be there to catch me?"

"As long as you don't tie my hands."

There's so much meaning in those words. He can't catch me if I make it harder or take away the tools he needs. "Can you be patient with me? I promise I want this, but accepting help isn't something I do well."

"I can do that, if you talk to me instead of taking off. I usually have a reason for what I'm asking, and I'll talk it through instead of issuing an order."

A small smile fights to break free. "You can say Corolla or something to let me know shit's hitting the fan and you need me to follow your lead."

He barks out a laugh and pulls me over to sit in his lap. He drops a kiss behind my ear. The wall is still half-built around my heart, and I wait for the other shoe to drop. He switches gears on me, though. "What happened after you stunned me to keep me from leaving and got me in the trunk? I still can't believe you did that. Weren't you the one pissed at having to stay at Haywood when Junkman was gunning for you? You were a pain in my ass."

"Yes, and look at how well that turned out for me when I ran off half-cocked. You're supposed to be smarter than that, too smart to just run off and throw away everything you've worked hard for." He doesn't acknowledge that, just plays with my hair. I'm blushing when I admit that I pulled his pants off without looking, afraid that he had something in his pockets that would allow him to escape the trunk. He shakes his head and would probably pinch his nose in exasperation if he had a free hand. "You know everything else from there."

He nods and we sit in silence for a bit. I want to ask what's going on between us, what's going to happen when we get back to Trenton, but I'm too chicken. Ironic, after everything I've done in the last twenty-four hours, but I'm afraid to push. We break apart for sandwiches and separate showers but gravitate back together on the couch. He once again pulls me into his lap, and we doze off and on between bouts of meaningless chit chat. The closer it gets to one o'clock, the more nervous I get. I want to think that we're ok, but I still have a bit of doubt about that. There's no way he'll stay here while I go retrieve the phone, and short of trying to repeat yesterday's shitfest, he'll just follow me when I go out. "I need to go get my phone."

He raises an eyebrow and looks at his watch. "Ok."

"It's outside."

He stands up and sets me on my feet. Watching him watching me, I sigh and grab a pair of socks from the bag Ella packed. He does the same but gets his feet covered much faster. Without adrenaline to fuel me, soreness has me moving much slower. Shoes on, we step out onto the porch, he and sweeps his arm out with a small smile. "Ladies first."

I take two steps and suddenly, I'm doubting everything and feeling vulnerable. Is he sending me out first because he thinks I'll stun him again? Has he just been waiting for his chance to return the favor? I stop on the bottom step and Ranger nearly runs into me. "Babe?"

"Is this real?"

He looks at me, trying to figure out what I'm asking.

"At the risk of pissing you off again, is this real? Are we really trying this, or…"

He raises an eyebrow. Show off.

"Yesterday you told me we were done as even friends if I didn't do what you wanted. Then you deliberately put the moves on me to try and get me to cave. I know that how I went about things sucked, but if you're just doing this to get out of here, or to string me along and humiliate me as payback, then-"

I'm cut off by his hand on my neck dragging me toward him. The kiss is hot, and his other hand is on my ass, holding me closer. By the time he lets me go, I'm both brainless and boneless. He rests his forehead against mine. "You and me, Babe. It's real, and I'm tired of fighting it. I won't deny that I'm going to get a fuckton of shit from Santos, and even Brown, for losing my pants. Tank will lord it over me that Fratelli got the drop on me. They'll all probably bring up you stunning me; my only saving grace is that it's not on camera like Hal's was. Yesterday I was pissed and had tunnel vision, and it made me an ass. But we're ok, Steph." He gives me a slight grin. "Besides, I have other ideas on how you can make it up to me."

I don't know how long I stand there, lost in all the ways I could do just that, when he squeezes my neck again and takes a step back. "Babe? The phone? We're gonna miss Tank's call if we don't get it."

Blinking, I come out of my fog and see him scanning the area. I'm taking a leap of faith as much as I am an actual step down of the porch stairs. I have to trust Ranger if this is going to work. Grabbing his hand, I lead him down the driveway and across the road. He's looking both thoughtful and amused by the time I get to the downed tree and lay down on it to get to my hidey-hole. "I didn't think to look on this side of the road. I concentrated on the area behind the cabin and around the driveway."

I laugh. "When we'd come up here, Mom would sit out on the porch while dad went fishing. Sometimes Val explored with me, but usually she stayed near the cabin. As long as I stayed somewhat close by, no one said anything to me. I was always off on adventures. Spent almost the entire week digging out part of this tree, thinking I was so clever to have a secret. I stole one of the serving spoons from the silverware drawer and whacked at it with a rock."

Ranger smiles at that. "It's a pretty good spot. It would have taken me a lot longer than I had to find it, if I even did."

I smile back and hand him the gun. "I used to be a teenage girl. I've got hiding places you've never thought of." I see him chewing on that, and I can tell the exact moment he thinks about Julie. With another laugh, I hand him the phones but keep the distributor cap in one hand while I replace the guard rocks with the other. He holds out a hand with a smirk and smiles when I use it to get myself off the tree.

"I'm not leaving without you, Steph."

Holding the cap tighter, I smile. "I know."

I hear him let out a bark of laughter as he follows me back to the cabin. We still have about a half an hour until Tank's designated time, and Ranger pulls me into his lap to straddle him on one of the dining room chairs after he sets the phones down. I definitely wasn't complaining, at least not until my ringing phone stopped Ranger's hand that was getting ready to unhook my bra.

Ranger leans over and starts the call as he wraps an arm around my waist to keep me in place. "Report!"

"Good to hear from you, Rangeman. Wasn't sure if she was going to let you out of the trunk. I wouldn't have."

My head drops forward at Tank's reminder of my actions. Ranger's arm tightens around me. "She did what she had to do to have my back."

Lester butts in. "Back. Sure. Did you ever find some pants or are you strutting around the Poconos bare ass naked? Or maybe Bomber cuffed you to the bed frame this time."

My eyes track to the refrigerator and I know a blush blooms across my cheeks. I'm startled by Ranger's booming voice too close to my ear. "Found my pants, cuz. They were wrapped around your neck."

I swear I can hear Lester's gulp over the line. Ranger's wearing a smirk, not that the guys can see that. He gets serious. "What's going on in Trenton?"

Tank takes point. "Ram, Gene, and Booger joined Woody at the Grizzolli cabin and sanitized it."

Before Ranger can question him, I lean forward and ask, "What does that mean?"

I'm met with silence. Ranger pushes a curl behind my ear. "Babe, it means they moved the bodies, scrubbed any biologicals, and removed any fingerprints. It's like we were never there. "

"Oh." That all sounds gross, and I feel bad for whoever had to clean up my puke. And all that blood. Cripes, it was a lot. My voice cracks a little when I quietly say, "Thank you."

Tank clears his throat and continues. "Ram and Gene stayed back to surveil the cabin. Both the cop and one of Grizzolli's teams came up for a look see after dark. The guys took photos and video but did not engage. The cop went to Bomber's apartment late last night and this morning before he stopped in at her parents' house. He's looking for her, says he's concerned."

The growl that escapes me shocks me as much as Ranger. I can't believe that rat bastard! I feel another squeeze and look up to see Ranger giving me a half smile. Guess he's finally figuring out that I wasn't kidding about being completely and totally over Joe Morelli. I tune back into Tank.

"Old Man Grizzolli's not happy. I think he knows his men are dead, since your body hasn't made an appearance. How do you want to proceed?"

"Ideally, without a target on our backs. Any ideas?"

Ranger's hand is stroking my hip, but it feels like my heart is jumping around in my belly. I'm biting my lip again, knowing I have to come clean. I lean forward toward the phone on the table. "What if you tell him that we have a recording of Fratelli telling Joe that Vito wants Ranger dead and Joe coming up with the plan."

Bobby chokes out a laugh. "That would definitely help. Too bad we don't have one."

Scrunching up my eyes, I admit, "We have one. I recorded the conversation at Joe's house."

"You didn't think to add that into the mix yesterday?" Tank's frustration is palpable, and I get it. It was a big hold back.

I lean forward and put my head on Ranger's shoulder, not wanting to look him in the eye. "Honestly? I was running on instinct and part of me thought I should hold back in case I needed a bargaining chip with Ranger. As pointed out, my actions were pretty extreme, he was going to be pissed, and even you guys agreed I was fucked. I'm sort of sorry for not telling you that part yesterday."

"But not really?" Lester's voice holds a bit of humor.

"Um, can I plead the fifth and go with the whole need to know thing?"

The guys back in Trenton are muttering, but Ranger reaches up and uses a hand under my chin to gently lift my head, making sure I can't hide my face. His lip is quirked up in the corner. "It was a good move, Babe. Where's the recording now?"

"On my phone. And in my email. And my cloud account. I figure Hector can get it from one of those."

Lester whistles. "Damn, Bomber! We get you some training to marshal the adrenaline and impulses and you're unstoppable."

I hold Ranger's gaze even as I address Lester. "I'm gonna hold you to that. I already know I need to work on self-defense and using my gun. Maybe some other stuff. I want to be an asset, not a burden."

The guys are silent, but not Ranger. "You've never been a burden, Babe."

Just entertainment, I think. It must have shown on my face because Ranger squeezes my neck and kisses my palm. Tank weighs in. "We can absolutely work with you, Bomber."

"I call dibs on defensive driving and lock picking!" Lester's exuberance makes me laugh.

Ranger shakes his head. Someone knocks on Tank's door and Ranger waits to hear the door shut again before picking up the conversation. "Back to the problem at hand. Ideas for Grizzolli?"

"What happened to Fratelli and Joey P.?" I've been wondering what happened to their bodies.

"They disappeared. Police can't come after you two if there's no body or evidence. Morelli can try and fish, but there's nothing to catch. He'd have to admit why he was looking."

I think about that. "Will they ever reappear?"

"What are you thinking, Babe?"

"That it would suck for Joe if his business card was in their pocket. Then he'd be too busy trying to explain that to go after Ranger or me for it. Right?"

Someone whistles low, before Bobby grinds out, "Damn, Bomber. That's hardcore."

I'm not sure how to take that. "He shouldn't have messed with someone I love."

Ranger says nothing but kisses my palm again. He needs to stop doing that if he wants me to pay attention. "Remind me not to piss you off. I'm learning just how adept you are at tactical maneuvers."

That earns him a small smile. "So, what's the plan?"

Ranger turns toward the phone. "Set up a meet between Grizzolli and me. Have a copy of Steph's recording ready and see how we can leverage it."

We hear papers flipping and Tank whistles. "Don't think we're going to have to play that hand with Vito."

"Explain."

"It seems Fratelli was of the same school of thought and doubled down on covering his own ass. Hector did a deep dive of the phone we lifted off him. He spent the night following a rabbit trail of apps and email accounts and struck gold in the Cloud. He had his own recordings and photos that Vito wouldn't want to get out, including scans from a ledger that looks pretty damn interesting."

Ranger blinks a few times before letting out a shocked laugh. "Ok, then. Set up a meet with Vito and we'll give him a small sample of what we have. Steph can decide if she ever wants to use her recording. Call us back when you have it set up and we'll head back. What about Ford?"

I cock my head to the side. "Who's Ford?" I whisper to Ranger.

"Old handler. He wants us to sign new contracts for field work."

Everything in me freezes. New contract? He's leaving? I lean back from him, putting distance between us. Well, I try to, anyway. Ranger's not letting me get far. His hands are solid on my hips. "No running."

Bobby butts in. "He wasn't happy that Tank and I weren't interested, but he probably knew that coming in. I think he thought he might be able to snag you two idiots, but after you left, Santos sort of told him to fuck off. He'll probably try and swing around back to you."

"He'll be disappointed. The answer's still going to be no. Anything else?"

I feel myself relax in small measures. This might really be happening. A little bit more of the wall falls away.

Tank grunts. "Yeah, one more thing. If you still walk away from her after this, you're an idiot. If that happens, I'll be asking her out on a date, and you'll just have to suck it up."

He hangs up before either of us can say anything. After the shock of that bomb passes, we sit there, soaking in the silence and the knowledge that we might just live through pissing off the mob. "When do you think they'll call back?"

"Patience, Babe."

I blow out a sigh. Patience has never been my strong suit. Ranger kisses behind my ear and his voice is low and hypnotic. "But if you want me to take your mind off the wait, I'm sure we could come up with something to do."

Oh boy!