EPOV

The wine bottle is empty, and we've moved onto the first of what Bella promises is many bottles of bourbon. We have a roaring fire while the snow falls lightly in the surrounding forest. Bella's curled up on one couch while I sit opposite her. We're trying to figure out when and where everything went really wrong.

Bella's slurring her words a little, seeing as she's on her third glass, and it's almost midnight. "Is it because I reported that food truck you loved to the health department?"

"That was you?" What The Cluck was this weird food truck that used to park by our campus, and they sold different chicken dishes and specialty deviled eggs. It was cheap, and it was delicious. "I can't believe you! I loved that place!"

"Edward, Edward." Bella pulls herself upright. "They had mouse traps right next to the grill top. That's nasty."

"Did you do that because I made you canna brownies right before one of your finals?" Her eyes go wide for a moment.

"I almost failed that class! I could have missed out on graduation!" She grabs a pillow and chucks it at me, but it falls flat about a foot from her.

I'm laughing so hard; I set my glass down so I don't spill. She's scowling, sipping her drink before she sets it down, and stares at me until I calm down.

"You hate me because I dedicated 'Man, I feel like a Woman' by Shania Twain every hour, on the hour, on campus radio, huh?" She starts giggling, and all too soon, her giggles turn to snorts. She can't help herself.

"I'll have you know that is my go-to karaoke song now," I say proudly, grabbing my drink and downing the contents. "It works wonders on the ladies."

She makes a retching noise. "Ew, Edward."

We're quiet for a bit, and I refill my glass and tip more into hers as we stare at the fire. I think back to when Jasper and Alice first started dating. Bella and I were friendly; we just didn't know each other or see one another very often.

"I think I sorta remember the date," I tell her softly, and she sighs.

"It was a long time ago. I can let it go." Out of the corner of my eye, I see her turn to look at me, and I smile, angling to face her.

"Thanks."

"Sure. After all, I did put confetti in your car vents, and then wrapped your car in industrial-grade shrink wrap." She smiles broadly and tips her glass to me.

"How did you get your hands on that?"

"They sell just about everything on Amazon."

"Do you remember how I got you back for that one?"

"Honestly? Not really." She downs her drink and scoots her glass onto the coffee table away from her.

"The singing telegram that followed you around." I smirk as I watch the dawn of realization break out over her face.

"Oh, my God! That was so embarrassing!"

I start singing the song I picked out to torture her. "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!"

"Stop it. I will murder you in your sleep." The firmness in her voice cuts me to the core. I believe her.

"Jesus, fuck! I'm sorry." I slam back my bourbon and set my empty glass down on the table harder than I intended, causing Bella to jump a little.

"You embraced Shania, Edward. Smashmouth still haunts my dreams." She shudders a little before giving me a small smile. "It doesn't really matter though; I've been pulling the long con on you for years."

I sit up a little straighter. "Wait, what are you doing to me? Have you been sending me the glitter bombs in the mail?"

Bella waves me off. "Oh, please, that's child's play."

"Did you get me that subscription to Playgirl?"

"I did, but I only paid for a year. I don't know why you're still getting it." She gives me a dubious look, and I roll my eyes. "No, Edward. This one has more … lasting effects."

"Have you been slowly poisoning me?"

Bella laughs. "If I was, you would have built up a tolerance by now. Besides, I'd never do anything to actually hurt you. Alice and Jasper would kill me." She stands, swaying a little on her feet. "I'm going to bed."

"You're really not going to tell me?"

"Nope," she says as she walks away. "You might want to try a different protein powder though." I hear her cackling as she shuts her bedroom door behind her, and I collapse against the couch.

"She's going to kill me."