The triangular entity had made himself as tall as the room. His single eye was as big as she, and its intensity pierced her to her soul. His mere presence seemed to rip the air from her lungs. She stumbled backwards and slammed into the counter, letting herself fall to the floor so she could raise her arms in self-defense. Had she any breath to spare, she'd have shrieked in surprise, but she only managed to gawk in stunned silence. The teen sat below him with her fists in front of her face, shaking visibly, then finally managed to suck in some air.

Bill guffawed at the spectacle and shrank to his usual size.

"Hiya, Red!" he shouted. "Didn't mean to scare ya'. Or did I?" His tone shifted much deeper with his inquisition, shaking the floor under her.

"W-w-what th-th-the hell a-a-re you?" Wendy asked.

"Name's Bill! Don't mind the theatrics; I'm a showman by nature."

He spawned his little cane from a thin puff of yellow smoke and, as though trying to prove his point, danced a quick jig midair without missing a beat. Each step and kick on the invisible floor upon which he pantomimed resounded far in the distance, like dynamite being set off on the town's limits. To finish off his dance, the being then hooked the crook of his cane with one finger and span it thrice in front of him.

The cane, however, remained still. Rather, the room span around it.

Wendy's stomach was already far from content, and this little trick brought it to the brink of upheaval. She shoved a fist against her closed mouth and swallowed hard to keep her lunch from making a swift exit.

"Oh god," she moaned.

"That's the idea! Well, not 'god', per say. But you're on the right track, toots."

She responded with an incredulous look, unsure if this glowing corn chip was implying that it was a god, the God, or something more.

"So," Bill continued, "I hear you've got yourself a little problem. Boy trouble." His tone was much higher, and the words echoed aimlessly around them. "A lot of that going around, huh? You must just have that effect." Cipher's one eye affixed its gaze in the general direction of the attic—the twins' room.

Wendy didn't appreciate his implication.

"So what?"

"So, I can help."

"Help?" she asked, exasperated. "Help—help how?! What even are you—what are you—why—how are you here, what's even…" She shook her head in utter confusion and pleaded at him with her eyes for any modicum of explanation.

"Weird. I thought you were the calm, cool, collected one of the bunch," he jested. "Facade, much? Hell, even Pine Tree was more composed than this, the little spaz."

"Pine Tree?"

"Yeah, Pine Tree. The little guy. The, uh…y'know…" Cipher scrunched his eyelid and patted the back of a fist on his forehead in a melodramatic show of strained recollection. "Dippin' Dots! That's what you call him, right?"

"Dipper?"

"Dipper! Yeah, that one."

"You know Dipper?"

"Know him? I've worked with him. We struck a deal just last week. Helped him unlock the grand mysteries of the Falls."

This contented Wendy. Dipper knew the most when it came to anomalies; he wouldn't have dealt with this creature if it wasn't safe to do so.

"So…what? You're like a genie, then?"

"Better than a genie! I can give you unlimited wishes, as it were. All's I need is a little favor in return. One favor per transaction. A tit for a tat. That's the deal."

"And what exactly are you proposing? Offing Robbie?" Wendy chuckled nervously.

Bill's eye turned blood red. "IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT."

"No!" She waved her open hands at the triangle. "No no no! I was joking!"

Bill blinked, and his eye was back to its former hue. "Aha, so was I! We'd have to shake on it first, anyway." His right hand, raised, burst into blue flames then promptly extinguished itself.

"Okay," she said slowly. "And…is there a…non-lethal option here, or…"

"That's where you can get creative, Red. Want Richard to—poof—vanish into thin air? Easy peasy. Want him to move elsewhere, uproot the family and everything? Done. Dusted. Want me to probe his inner mind and scrape that disgusting mold of infatuation he calls 'admiration' from the dilapidated crawlspace of his psyche? Well, that's a little harder, but I'd be willin' to do it for you, Red, and everything else would stay the same as it was. Wouldn't that be nice? Hey!" The triangle floated beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, then pointed towards the attic with the other. "I've been known to pull the same trick twice; I could take care of Pine Tree right after ol' Ricardo. Burn that ooey-gooey schoolboy crush right outta his thick little skull. No more doe eyes ogling you for the rest of the Summer, eh?" His would-be eyebrow bounced at her. "Now, doesn't that sound nice?"

"Yeah, actually. It does. That last option…with Robbie. Don't get me wrong, Dipper's definitely head-over-heels but he's…he's harmless. You don't gotta mess with his mind."

"Hmm." The sound came out of Bill distorted, like an abstract, echoing chitter that made Wendy's hairs stand on end. "Didn't expect that. You're into the little spaz!"

Wendy's face turned red. "Whaaa—no no, it's not like I'm—he's just—"

"Eh, it doesn't matter! I can work around it!"

"Oh, good. Wait…work around it? What do you—"

"Now, for my favor!" Bill shouted dramatically. He floated back into the air before her. "I just need one little thing."

"Name it."

"A puppet."

"A puppet? You're kidding." Wendy smirked.

"Hey, everybody likes puppets! What's there to kid about?"

Wendy couldn't believe her luck. Just last week, Mabel had made a few dozen sock puppets to impress her most recent crush, and when they weren't up to snuff, she made a few dozen more. The reject batch was sitting in a pile upstairs. They were trash; she didn't even want them! And this thing apparently didn't know that. Never mind that whatever dimension it came from is so lacking in puppets that it would be willing to strike such an amazing deal in exchange for one. This was a no-brainer.

"Bill," she said, standing up. "You've got yourself a deal."

Wendy stretched out her hand. Bill took it in his own, and his blue fire licked at her pale flesh.

"Lemme go get you a puppet. It'll only take a second."

"Oh, don't worry about it. This'll do."

"I—wait what?"

His fingers pressed down more firmly, and sank beneath the surface of her skin, gripping onto something within. In one swift motion, Bill Cipher pulled Wendy's ethereal form from her body, then dove into the empty vessel himself. The room flashed white and resumed its normal appearance. Time ticked on as though nothing happened. But she…she was different.