To Gaze at Eternity

by CyrusFallen

There is no fate worse than death, Sasuke Uchiha knows that better than anyone else. Hate and fear made him what he is and he will do whatever it takes to conquer the Void and avenge those cast into it before their time, but will he drown the world in shadow, or will her light guide the way? OC-Insert!Sasuke.

2. The First Sunshine After the Storm

I spent my first week after the massacre getting used to my new life, my memories from Before helped but it still took some time before I could try cooking without remembering how Kaa-san used to make tomato soup for me and breaking down shaking.

I have been avoiding their room and Tou-san's office, I remember every time I would run over and hug Kaa-san when I had a bad dream or when Tou-san would let me sit with him while he worked.

And now they are gone.

I know I'll need to get over it, that there is so much I need to do that I can't afford to waste time, but I miss them so much. Thinking that they are now in the Void, that time might pass differently there and they might have long since lost themselves, that they might have forgotten me...

I control my breathing, the breathing exercises we were taught in the academy have helped keep me functional, so at least there is that.

I also have been trying to get a grip on my Sharingan, I already noticed that intense emotion seems to cause it to activate but I've had a hard time controlling it, and an even harder time getting used to my perception with it active.

There are a few positives, though.

I've been going through all the houses in the compound to see what I find, it feels a bit disrespectful but putting the belongings of my family to good use is better than letting them rot in some dusty corner.

I do intend to put out D-rank missions to keep the compound clean, but not a second before I go through everything myself. I do not doubt that Danzo already took anything that might be too valuable but I'm not letting some genin stumble upon anything they might not care about that I could find useful.

So far I haven't gotten much, plenty of kunai and shuriken, a few pouches of senbon, money, personal journals, all stuff I expected to find. I haven't gone through what I gathered in detail yet, I'm waiting until I have enough control of my Sharingan to make sure I don't miss anything.

There were other, more personal things, like team pictures and children's toys. Those I've been gathering in the house next to mine, it used to belong to Yukino-baasan but she isn't there anymore.

I hope her death was painless, she used to watch me when Kaa-san couldn't and she gave me these sweet cookies that I loved.

I intend to create a memorial in her home, for all those Itachi killed, she would have liked that.

The other positive is chakra, before the massacre I had used chakra before, the academy hasn't taught the academy three yet but Tou-san did show me how to mold it when he taught me the Great Fireball Jutsu.

But now, with my new perspective, chakra is incredible. The sheer feeling of life coursing through my veins as I channel chakra across my body is intoxicating, I feel unstoppable when I do it and it is just molding a bit of chakra and channeling it across my body.

It is the exact opposite feeling from the Void, in the Void I couldn't feel anything, when I mold chakra it feels like I can feel the very life in every heartbeat.

I can't wait to know what it will feel like when I do the high-level stuff, or even just do the impossible feats of agility and flexibility that shinobi do so casually.

I focus on the present as I approach the door I've been guided to, it was time for my weekly hospital check-up and I just assumed they'd run a few tests, maybe use the diagnosis jutsu on me once or twice, and I would be allowed to go home.

No such luck.

Instead, I open the door and come face to face with one of the most dangerous people in the world for me at the moment.

"Sasuke-san!" Inoichi Yamanaka greets me. "Please, come in."

I just nod and walk in, he is the closest thing Konoha has to a psychiatrist so I have to be extremely cautious around him, this guy goes inside people's heads for a living.

And the fact that Konoha has a clan dedicated to mind raping people is one of the most fucked up things I've seen. I can think of few things worse than someone breaching the sanctity of my mind, poking around it, and uncovering my deepest secrets, and one of those things is the Void.

So you can imagine how hesitant I am to be near any member of his clan, much less the clan head himself.

"Inoichi-san." I nod quietly, keeping my face as blank as possible and avoiding eye contact.

I'm fairly sure the 'traumatized child' mask is solid enough that he will excuse any suspicious behavior, especially when I really am a traumatized child and it is only a mask in so much as I'm using it to hide something.

I sit across him on a relatively small couch, he leans forward from his armchair and speaks.

"Do you know why you are here, Sasuke-san?"

I nod, still keeping my head down.

"We are worried about you" I can't see the softness in his eyes but his tone conveys it well enough. "You went through something traumatic"

"I'm fine." I say softly.

I wonder if canon Sasuke had to deal with this too, I know I don't have time and I need to focus and be an adult but it is so easy to just let go and act like the 8-year-old recently orphaned boy I am.

"It is okay to open up." He says. "Talk to me."

And say what? That my family is dead because of your village? That my brother is exactly the type of mentally fucked psycho you people love?

"I'm fine." I say a little more strongly.

He sighs and leans back.

"How have you been handling living alone?" He asks. "You refused the offer to move away and into the cadet apartment blocks."

No thank you, I'd rather have all the resources and personal space that the Uchiha district gives me. As well as at least the illusion of privacy, because I'm fairly sure I'm being watched but I can lie to myself, can't I?

"I'd rather be alone" I give a half-truth.

"It isn't good for a boy your age, especially after what you went through." He says. "You'd have some of your friends from the academy there."

I don't have any friends, I was reasonably friendly with them before but I'm not close with anyone enough to call ourselves friends.

"I'm not leaving my home." I want it to come off as a growl but my voice cracks as I remember what made it home.

"Very well." He says. "But you haven't answered my original question yet."

I hesitate for a moment before I decide to give an honest answer, albeit an evasive one.

"Cooking is hard." I say and it is true, Kaa-san used to make all sorts of dishes but I've been living off whatever food I could find that didn't need cooking and the rice dumplings she taught me to make.

I'll need to go shopping soon, but I've been so busy that I haven't left the Uchiha district since I was released from the hospital.

"It is." He says with a chuckle, and if I didn't know who I was talking to I would assume it was genuine and not some attempt to appear more friendly. "I might be able to help with that."

I instinctively look at him with a raised eyebrow before our eyes meet and I duck my head again, no idea what a ninja psychologist could have gleamed with that alone.

"My friend is an Akimichi." He says.

Choji's dad, what was his name again?

"I could ask Choza for a cookbook for you." He says. "Would you like that?"

I force myself to nod, all the while inside I'm panicking.

Can he read my mind? Stupid question, of course he can, but did he? Is that how he knew I didn't remember Choza's name? Or was it another of his mind games?

He puts his hand on my shoulder and I can't quite suppress my flinch, he seemingly takes it as surprise because he smiles warmly at me.

"I'm here to help you, Sasuke-san." He says. "You just need to open up to me."

I'm fairly sure that's not what he meant but I react on instinct, my Sharingan blazing to life as I slap his hand away and glare at him.

"You aren't coming into my head!"

He looks genuinely taken aback, not that I would be able to tell if he was faking it, before he shakes his head.

"We Yamanaka only mind walk our allies with their permission." He says. "Unless you let me, I wouldn't do it."

Unless you suspected me, then you'd do it and even if I was found innocent later I would be supposed to take it with a smile because it was for the good of Konoha.

I shake my head.

"Are we done here, Yamanaka-san?" I ask.

"Yamanaka-san? What happened to Inoichi?"

I just remain silent, he sighs.

"Yes, we are done for now." He says. "We will see each other again next week, okay?"

As if I have a choice.

-[TGaE]-

I take a deep breath and focus, sitting still in the grass of the training area behind my house.

I'm trying to feel my physical and spiritual energies, the first step in chakra usage and control. Itachi was the one who taught me this exercise, and while I'm hesitant to follow any of his advice I won't be blinded by hatred.

Even if I didn't know of the many negative consequences that screwing up chakra manipulation can have, the words ruptured coils, excruciating pain, and permanent disability, come to mind, I'm not so stupid as to try and skip one of the crucial steps to what is arguably a shinobi's single most important skill.

Because having good control over your chakra brings a lot of necessary benefits, from reducing the amount of chakra wasted with each jutsu, to making learning and using jutsu much easier, to flat out giving you access to two 'nature' transformations outside the basic 5.

I'm not sure why Yin and Yang release count as nature transformations when they are not, they are only neutral chakra composed of two parts one of them one part the other, as opposed to the ideal 50/50 that is the golden ratio for elemental jutsu.

But I don't make the rules, so I guess they'll remain nature releases.

Anyway, the first step to learning to mold chakra and control it is to feel your energies. Learning to do it not only gives you a much better grasp of your chakra and its composition, it is possible to use unbalanced chakra for jutsu and some techniques even depend on it to work but ideally unless you are using a jutsu that is specifically Yin or Yang release you should try to perfectly balance your chakra whenever possible, and even when you do you should try to get their ratios perfectly.

Of course, that level of control is usually reserved for medic-nin and genjutsu specialists, as it isn't easy to achieve and constant practice throughout a shinobi's entire life is required to maintain it.

And that is exactly what I intend to achieve, having perfect control allows you to get much more out of your chakra reserves than normal and the idea of wasting the shot of sheer life in my veins that is chakra bothers me a lot.

But baby steps, first I need to be able to feel my energies.

It doesn't take long, both because it is so easy that normal academy students can do it in an hour at most with minimal teaching and because while this might be the first time I tried since the massacre I have done this before.

My breathing evens, the surroundings bleeding away as I focus inward.

Physical energy is like fire, it is like lightning going through my veins, like that restless energy you feel when you are excited about something. I reach for it and I feel hotter than I ever felt before, my body seems to come into focus as it calls for me.

I feel unstoppable, like I could lift a mountain with a finger, like I could run a marathon without breaking a sweat, every cell in my body screams at me to go out and do something as my brain seems to enter into something resembling a fight-or-flight instinct.

I breathe out, letting it seep off me.

Gotta be careful with that, chakra is already amazing but I can easily see myself getting addicted to the sheer feeling of life from pure physical energy.

Then I reach for my spiritual energy.

It is cold, not unpleasant but almost like that first gust of wind after you come out of a pool, the shiver of your entire being that leaves everything tingling. I feel my lungs go cold and my muscles fall asleep, as if I'm surrounded by mist.

I feel calm, not emotionless, quite the contrary, I almost feel emotions on a deeper level. The feeling of peace is amazing, it is like I can see a beauty in the world that I couldn't before. I absentmindedly notice that I'm crying as the grief of everything I've been through just washes away, for the first time since the massacre I don't feel heavy, my heart doesn't feel tight, I can think of Kaa-san and Tou-san and the clan and while I still love them it doesn't hurt as much anymore, like the first rays of sunshine in the horizon after a storm.

It is also large, much larger than my physical energy, if my physical energy is a pond my spiritual energy is a massive lake, so deep and peaceful.

I open my eyes, forcing myself away from the sense of peace and already I miss it, the world is too bright, too loud, and all the pain seems much worse when I know I can just lose myself in the peace.

I breathe.

Remember Sasuke, balance is important, physical and spiritual, body and soul, action and thought.

I close my eyes again and feel my energies, but instead of reaching for one of them I nudge both to move together, they spin clockwise and while I can see my spiritual energy overwhelming my physical energy they combine easier than they did last time.

I take the result, neutral chakra, and let it flow through my body. I feel energized but not restless, I feel powerful but not without control. Then I let it slowly move up, it reaches my eyes, I open them and the world is red.

I smile.

-[TGaE]-

Inoichi actually gave me the cookbook, after the less than stellar ending to our first session last week I didn't expect him to, but he did.

This week has been pretty good, my practice creating chakra has allowed me greater control over when my Sharingan is activated and while it still comes out when I feel too strongly I can now activate it at will and even deactivate it once it does activate by accident.

I figured that my next step in learning to control my eyes was learning to use them, so I've been keeping them active whenever I can, my chakra reserves aren't big enough to keep them active all the time, not even close, but the drain is small enough that I can keep it active for a few hours at a time while I meditate and manipulate my energies.

Hence, why I mentioned Inoichi's cookbook.

The Sharingan gives the user photographic memory, I can perfectly remember whatever I see when it is active, so my first thought was to use it to study. Remembering isn't understanding, however, so I decided that I would use it on the cookbook.

I speed read it with my Sharingan active, then went over the memories as a sort of second reading away from the book, then took my time reading it normally, and now my next step is to put the knowledge to the test by cooking something.

Unfortunately, I ran out of ingredients back in the house and had to go buy more. Thankfully I have plenty of money from my going through the compound so that isn't a problem.

I do need to check Tou-san's office eventually, he had access to the Uchiha clan treasury so if any information on how to access it was written down it is there.

I will be going back to the academy tomorrow, my two weeks are done and while I didn't do everything I wanted to do, I could spend months just playing with my chakra, I did do enough that I'm fairly confident that I'll be fine.

So far there wasn't much in terms of practical skills taught there and certainly nothing that I wasn't already skilled at by virtue of having a clan to teach me. Their shurikenjutsu is extremely simplistic, their taijutsu is basic and now that I have my Sharingan I can make full use of my meager skills in the Interceptor Fist so I really don't need it, and their physical conditioning is designed so civilian born ninja can keep up.

Oh, I think I know who I need to approach.

Gai would be the perfect sensei for me, his taijutsu is devastating, if anyone knows how to do physical conditioning it is him, and once Tenten joins his team I can copy her bukijutsu.

I don't technically need to wait until she joins to approach her, but bukijutsu isn't my priority and it will be much easier to justify approaching a jonin that is a master of his craft than it will be approaching an above-average academy student.

I can easily claim that I heard from my Tou-san that he was the greatest taijutsu master in the village, but I can't explain why I know about the skills of a girl I never met. Plus her specialty or not she's still an academy student, as an elite jonin Gai should be better at shurikenjutsu than her.

And of course, there are the 8 Inner Gates, and as hesitant as I am to go after a skill that is as defined by its backlash as it is defined by its power, as long as I train hard enough and only open a few of them I should be able to get away with only fatigue like Gai and post-timeskip Lee do.

Not to mention they would help me increase one of my most important parameters, my total chakra reserves.

Chakra is composed of physical and spiritual energies, and as such the more of the two you have the more chakra you can mold. The thing is, in my case, I have a lot of spiritual energy, as in I have roughly 10 times the spiritual energy that I do physical energy.

That is expected, I don't know if my extra memories help with this but I am still stacked when it comes to spiritual energy. I'm the son of two pureblooded Uchiha, Kaa-san had a fully mature Sharingan and Tou-san not only had the Mangekyo Sharingan but he was also so skilled in genjutsu that he got the title 'Wicked Eye'.

And on top of that, I'm Indra's latest reincarnate, the son of the Sage of Six Paths who inherited his eyes and powerful spiritual energy. Honestly, I'm more surprised that I only have 10 times more, though I'm assuming that it will grow with the maturation of my eyes, alongside the natural growth that comes with age.

In comparison, my physical energy only comes from being an 8-year-old with good genes that is relatively fit.

Normally, to increase chakra, there are two methods. You can train each energy individually, by training your body or your mind, or you can spend most of your chakra and you'll have more when it recovers, which trains both energies at once but produces lesser results than the first method.

Ninja tend to do the latter, most people's energies are balanced enough that unless they are actively trying to learn a skill that requires more of one energy, like genjutsu for spiritual energy or medical ninjutsu for physical energy, it is more effective to simply train both.

But in my case, I'll never need to train spiritual energy, I have so much that if I had an equal amount of physical energy to make chakra with I'd be on part with most jonin in terms of reserves, and it isn't even close to done growing.

So the most effective method is to focus on my physical energy, which comes with the added benefit of physical conditioning and taijutsu being absolutely crucial for all ninja.

That is exactly why the gates would be so good for me, they remove the body's natural limiters and force it into overdrive, which produces much more physical energy. Normal ninja might have their energies be balanced enough that they don't get that much of a capacity increase and have to depend on the physical benefits of having that much physical energy in their bodies, but I have the spiritual energy to match and would gain a massive increase in reserves from opening a few gates.

And if one of my more iffy plans for immortality works out, I might be able to gain a healing factor powerful enough to nullify the backlash of at least the lower gates and only have to deal with the fatigue even with extended usage, which the training to open the gates would already help with.

The three most important things for every ninja are their body, their chakra reserves, and their chakra control, and the gates would help me with at least two of those things.

But that is for the future, right now all I'm going to worry about is if I can use my Sharingan to learn theoretical knowledge faster, and more immediately if I can cook well enough not to have to live off pre-prepared food.

I think one of the things I'll miss the most from Before is food delivery apps, it is the oddest thought to have but I'll miss having a burger and fries, or maybe pizza and a coke, delivered to my doorstep.

I'll have to make an attempt to recreate a few of those here, I might no longer have access to cooking sites through the internet but I still remember a few recipes.

"-ut of the way!" A voice snaps me from my thoughts.

I barely have time to look up before a missile crashes into me, we hit the ground in a tangle of limbs and I feel long strands of hair enter my mouth.

I try to spit it out but the more she moves the more of her hair cascades over my face, a shower of blonde blocking my sight.

Then someone pulls her off me and I can see again.

"Natsumi, what do you think you're doing!?"

I take a good look at her and hesitate, I had been trying really hard not to think about her and the implications of her, but it seems I can't escape it that easily.

Natsumi Uzumaki, dead last, class clown, and overall annoyance.

Natsumi Uzumaki, daughter of Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze, jinchuriki of the Kyuubi, and Ashura Otsutsuki reborn.

That is, if her being a girl doesn't prove that my meta-knowledge is completely wrong.

Because if she isn't Naruto, then what guarantee do I have that things are the way I remember them being? The Juubi might not be a thing, Kaguya might have been just a human woman that ate the fruit of the Shinju.

Itachi might really be just a psychotic maniac.

"Apologize to Sasuke-san, right now!" Iruka-sensei yells at her.

She pouts, looking adorable with her blonde pigtails, whiskered cheeks, and big blue eyes.

"Why would I apologize to him? He was the one who didn't get out of the way like I told him to!"

He scowls further, I hadn't noticed before the massacre but now I can see how he's being harsher than necessary. I don't remember when Iruka-sensei started caring for Naruto but it seems it hasn't happened yet, if it ever will.

"It's okay, Iruka-sensei." I say, standing up. "It was just an accident."

He looks at me and his gaze softens, pitty clearly visible.

"If you say so, Sasuke-san."

Natsumi looks at me with a frown, not quite as antagonistic as before but still clearly unhappy that I got her caught.

"Hey!" She shouts. "How come you go after me for skipping class, but Sasuke hasn't shown up in weeks and you don't say anything!?"

I frown, I get that she probably wasn't told and that she is just an 8-year-old girl but still, I don't need jealousy from some brat over getting to skip school when the reason I did it was my family's death!

Iruka slaps her in the back of the head, a lot harder than would have been acceptable Before but not that much harder than what people do here.

"His family is gone." Iruka scowls at her. "How can you not have heard?"

Natsumi lowers her head, whether it is out of shame or just feeling sad at both me and Iruka scowling at her I can't tell.

I shake my head.

"Will you be joining us tomorrow, Sasuke-san?" Iruka asks.

I nod, I'm probably not gonna focus too hard on the academy, once I learn everything I need from there I'll focus more on my personal training, but until then I'll take whatever skills they offer me.

"It will be good to have you back." He says. "See you then, Sasuke-san."

Then he leaves, still carrying Natsumi by the scruff of her neck in a way that can't be comfortable.

I shake my head, buy food now, and ponder about what this could mean later.

I'm probably not going to get involved with her either way, if she's anything like Naruto, and at least as annoying as him I remember her being, she'll be far too loyal to let me leave Konoha in peace and I don't need someone who will be as powerful as she'll become trying to drag me back.

Fighting demigods isn't very good for my health, I'll just stick with the normal S-rank monsters, like Itachi and Obito.

-[TGaE]-

I stand in front of the academy, my first official step towards both of my goals.

I did some training during these two weeks, but it was mostly just playing with chakra and getting my Sharingan under control. This will be the real deal, learning how to fight and kill, to use my chakra to compete with all the other monsters out there in the real world.

I can't say I'm not nervous, before the massacre this was just routine but so much has changed since then that I can't help but feel like this is my first time here.

At least I was proven right, and I'm as happy that I'll be able to use the Sharingan to cheat my way through learning theory and will be able to dedicate myself more towards practice as I am that I have eaten my first genuinely delicious food since the massacre.

It isn't quite Kaa-san's cooking, but given how bland everything had been tasting I will take what I can get.

I also worried about being fast-tracked through the shinobi program if I did too well, but I'm fairly sure it is voluntary and I'm not so stupid as to do that. No amount of experience would justify losing all the free time academy students have, and the main benefit, access to higher ranked jutsu in the shinobi library, is kind of a moot point when I have access to the Uchiha clan library.

I took a peek inside there, I didn't try to learn anything as I want to focus on my base for now, and I already have a list with what scrolls I need to master first. There's a whole separate section on theory, clan history, and all sorts of non-combat stuff and now that I know that I can use my Sharingan to learn quickly I'll be swallowing every scrap of knowledge I can get.

Information is a form of power, too.

I have so many plans, so many ideas I want to try and so many skills I want to acquire, and my eyes allow me to more or less cheat my way into proficiency in most of them. I don't intend to be a jack of all trades master of none, but my bloodline is especially suited to make me a jack of all trades master of one or even a few.

And given how I intend to leave and I can't exactly carry the entire library with me, it will do me good to have as versatile a skillset as possible. Both to make sure I'm not caught unprepared in any situation and to make sure I don't waste my clan's legacy.

But that is for the future, I have 4 years until shit hits the fan and I need to prepare, I need to become much stronger than canon Sasuke was at the time because my goals won't be easily achieved, and those with designs for me won't just leave me alone because I asked nicely.

And I intend to use that time well, I intend to become one of the strongest shinobi to ever live but unlike canon Sasuke I won't depend on the power of the Mangekyo Sharingan, I will do it with my own hard work and determination.

Watch out world, Sasuke Uchiha is coming.

-[TGaE]-

And with that, I can officially say the prologue is over.

I've been trying to show Sasuke's feelings more, his other memories help but this is still Sasuke, he remembers the Uchiha and suffered through the massacre. He's more polite and less flippant than canon Sasuke, if only when people don't try to push him.

I also tried to showcase a different perspective on physical and spiritual energies as opposed to just chakra. I will be exploring those two a bit more but I wanted to explain what they are instead of just saying that they are there.

I want to develop Sasuke's relationship with Natsumi slowly, not just immediately adopt her like a stray cat because he liked Naruto before and then develop feelings for her. Their relationship won't start for good reasons and it won't be exactly healthy for a while.

Without spoiling anything, Sasuke will start using her for his own ends and will grow attached to her as a coping mechanism for his own trauma, while Natsumi will just be happy someone is finally paying attention to her and will be willing to do anything to keep him happy with her.

They won't be traditional 'kids in love' so much as two people hurt by the world who latch on to each other while seeking safety and acceptance.

Also, Natsumi isn't Naruto, you will see more of what I mean later but for now just know that while they are similar Natsumi and Naruto are different characters with different motivations and outlooks in life.

By the way, did you know that Natsumi's name means summer beauty? I picked the name before I found out but it fits really well with the themes I have planned.

Anyway, reviews are appreciated, and see you next time.