PROLOGUE:

Hello readers! Thank you for stopping by. This is my first fanfiction attempt. I love North and South, both the book and the series very much. That's exactly why I decided to explore fanfiction writing with this classic masterpiece. The plot starts from the point when John tells Margaret that his feelings for her are over. I have laid major emphasis on the truth of Frederick Hales' existence and how an important character comes to know of it until finally, the lead character becomes aware of the entire truth.

I love to explore on the psyche and vulnerabilities of the characters, especially John Thornton. His character arc helps to infuse much angst and emotions into the story. If this work turns out well, I might continue writing fanfics, not just of North and South but also of other favourite classics.

Obviously, I did not invent these characters, neither do I own them. All credits go to Elizabeth Gaskell (for the book) and the series. That said, I am just using the characters for a little while. I am also not an expert in the Victorian era history but I will keep the plot close to the ways of the times. For a few scenes, I have used a Pride and Prejudice trope which has been duly credited in that particular chapter.

That's all your honour.

Happy reading!

...

John was stressed.

Nothing unusual. For the past so many months, he was in torment. His scowl became as prominent a feature in his face just as his nose, eyes, and mouth. The progress of the mill was in question but nevertheless, Marlborough Mills was safe at present. No, it had nothing to do with the mill. It had to do with what he said to Miss Hale.

It was difficult to keep coming back to Crampton when he knew she was in love with another man. For days on end, the man's face tormented his inner being, left and right. Despite the darkness of the night, he had clearly seen his face as well as hers, embracing each other as if they were parting for life and never meeting again. That face was handsome, so much so that they looked like a couple made for each other.

Now as he was walking back to his mill house, his temper was clearly brimming. But not against Miss Hale or that rival man who held her affections. He was angry with himself. For letting his jealousy take hold of his conscience. It had been three full hours since he told, no, lied to her that his "foolish passions for her were over" and that he was "looking into the future". Just as he had uttered that, he dared not look back and had hurried upstairs- books in hand, anger in the face. But he knew that his words had hurt her. She was close to crying and kept standing there looking into the void. That much John knew.

He half-attentively attended to the discussions at hand with Mr. Hale. Crampton was his only solace amidst his dreary mill house and his mill. Even now, he loved to come here but couldn't face her. He wished to turn back time and go back to the days before that hideous incident at Outwood station. But he cannot. He decided that he would be a friend to Mr. Hale. No matter what, he would come here for his discussions with her father even if she would wish he didn't come.

While he walked, he cursed himself for speaking in such a manner to her. He had stooped her from speaking and let his mouth say what his heart didn't agree with. He expected her to retort. But unfortunately, she stood still, letting his words hurt her. She didn't speak a word in return. This response baffled John, for as much as he deeply regretted what he had said, he saw hurt and sorrow in her eyes, not humiliation.

He was still astonished to see the extent to which she had gone to protect that anonymous man, her lover. She had lied to the inspector of her whereabouts. John knew that she didn't have to do anything with that Leonards' death. What burnt him was her attempt to safeguard the man by means of falsehood. A part of him wondered if she would do this had he been her lover. But then again, he will never put her in such a circumstance in the first place! That man, that horrible man, if he had any ounce of love similar to John's wouldn't have met Margaret at so late an hour. Every regard, every esteem he had for her started to crumble. He questioned himself if Miss Hale, his Margaret, was nothing but an illusion. He still couldn't find an answer.

His mind still somehow agreed to what he had said. She deserved that censure for behaving so improperly thus. Yet his heart, now burning with seething jealousy and love, disagreed. John understood that no matter how much true his love could be, it cannot be enough for the heavenly woman. And she was right to fall in love with that man. No, he cannot hurt her for not being his. He had to apologize to her. He should, as his heart ordered him to.

He realized he had reached his home and saw his mother waiting for him.

"Mother, I am quite late, I suppose. I am sorry. I was having a good discussion with Mr. Hale and neither of us realized that it had become quite late."

Mrs. Thornton disapproved, now more than before, of his visits to Crampton. The gossips of Miss Hale seen with another man late at night had still not diminished and made its rounds often. She feared that his son's name would be entangled in this mess as well. She had also expected that her son would somehow let his anger destroy whatever love he had for Miss Hale, after having seen her with another man. But she was inevitably wrong. His love and agony only grew. She knew he would never agree with her suggestion of discontinuing his visits to the Hales. This conversation had happened already. Yet tonight, she would try again.

"John, I do suppose that you have some responsibility in guarding your name against that conniving family! Well, at least from that girl. Is it not enough for you to have gained so much knowledge about Greek classics already? You have a mill to run and not a school."

"Mother, please. I am exhausted and I have already told you that I cannot stop my visits to Mr. Hale on any account. As for Miss Hale, don't worry. I told her that my feelings for her have come to an end."

Mrs. Thornton rejoiced inwardly for a moment. But when she pondered over his words, she was rather shocked. Her son, who had cared so much for Miss Hale, suddenly took back his affections. She cannot pretend to be unhappy and agreed that Miss Hale deserved to hear that from her son. Yet somehow, something deep in her mind was bothering her.

"You did?", Mrs. Thornton asked.

He nodded as he ate. It was then that she realized how much exhausted he looked. No, his exhaustion was not physical. He was a strong man than any she had ever seen. His exhaustion was due to his stress, his unrequited love, and disappointment from the one and only woman he ever loved. She told herself that it might be good for him. He needed to forget her. He had started to. She rejoiced again for claiming her son as her own once more.

"Then that is for the best, John. I am glad you are trying to forget that selfish lass. Indecent and too proud for nothing! Let her go behind that vagrant she met. I have no doubt she will never be loved by him the way you did."

"Mother, please. I regret my words. I told her something which I didn't mean at all! She deserves a man, no, a gentleman, and not a coarse tradesman like me. Let her be happy with the one she loves. I wish her all peace."

"And you aren't a gentleman? You are every inch a self-made individual, unlike those southern men who never work hard even for a day! But surely John, you can try to stop loving her? Enough of this! I have never seen you so devastated. You look as if you are stranded on an island all alone! You have me, the mill, your sister. As for a wife, you know very well, how many wish to be married to you."

John was irritated. He never paid heed to matrimony before meeting Miss Hale. Now that she had become someone else's, he cannot bear to share his life with another woman. He shuddered at the thought.

"I will be happy to stay with you mother. All my life. You and I are more than enough for each other. I do not wish to have a wife, not anymore. It had always been her, and will be."

"John, it is indeed a blessing to marry someone you love and someone who loves you back. But not all marriages are based on love! You are the most eligible bachelor in Milton, a master. Your position demands a partner. Why, I even saw you warming up with Miss Latimer during Fanny's wedding. I highly approve of her."

That was enough to irk him. He almost threw the fork at his plate and scowled. Mrs. Thornton suddenly understood her mistake. She shouldn't have gone too far, especially now that he was just eating.

"Enough of all this! Miss Latimer, indeed! Where did you get that idea from? I wonder if people have started to think the same! I never spoke more than two words to her whenever we met. During Fanny's wedding, it was her who held my arm, not I who tried to gain her attention. And I never thought of her in that way, mother. Surely, you must know! I see her only as Fanny's friend and my banker's daughter. Nothing less, nothing more."

"Miss Latimer will be a good match. The business will be well secured if the Latimers become a part of our family. And John, I do believe you can start feeling for her after you get married…"

John said nothing but simply stared at her. His silence unnerved Mrs. Thornton and she understood that she was close to defeat. Another conversation gone wrong.

He drank a glass of water and finally stood up. Without saying anything in return, he made for the stairs. He climbed a few steps and stopped. He turned back and looked at her again. Mrs. Thornton felt a glimmer of hope rising inside her. But her son puffed it out with his words-

"Mother, do you really believe marrying Miss Latimer would make your son happy?"

After a few minutes, he continued- "Even if I had never met Margaret, do you think Miss Latimer would be meant for me? Marriage to her might secure my position and keep the mill safe. But is that all and only you care about?" He asked almost in a whisper.

Mrs. Thornton was silent. His words cut her heart.

He continued- "Do you really think me so shallow as to marry another woman to forget the one I love? Matrimony is not a one-day affair mother, no, it's not like what Fanny thinks- excellent wedding gowns, a huge trousseau, breakfasts, gatherings, dance, and such sort. It's a bonding for life, mother. To share your body, soul, and home with a person who loves you and who you can love. I know that I am a mere tradesman but I will never be someone else's husband, now that my heart loves another."

He paused and let his words sink in. His mother kept looking at him. Her expression was something he cannot decipher- but it was not hurt, disappointment, or anger. No, it was more like understanding and coming to terms with the truth.

"As much as you want me to forget Margaret, you know very well that Miss Latimer is not the one for me. I do understand that marriages, especially those we know of, mostly happen for status and financial security. But I don't want to marry someone who sees being married to me as a position to uphold. No. I don't wish to be commodified thus, as just a mill master. I am like any other man, mother. I wish to have a wife for love and love alone. Someone who will be with me through thick and thin, not for wealth. If you really care for me, which I know you do, then please do not expect me to get attached to Miss Latimer or any other woman for that matter. I will remain a bachelor as I had always been. Good night, mother."

And with that, he hurried back upstairs, his books in hand. For the second time of the day, he didn't turn back. Yet, he knew what his mother must be feeling right now. He was sorry to make her feel sad, but he couldn't help.

...

Mrs. Thornton prepared for her bed after her nightly prayer rituals. She kept her rosary and bible by the nightstand and tried to sleep.

She thought about the day's events. Fanny had come for tea and as usual prattled about London, her wallpapers, and her designs to further turn her garish home more garish. How could her daughter turn so contrast to her and her son, she wondered. In trying to keep Fanny away from their destitution, both mother and son rather became too much overprotective, and that in turn, made her flighty, too ignorant, and materialistic.

Her mind wandered to John's question. No, it wasn't a question but a fact. Miss Latimer or any Milton-bred woman will be a good match for Mr. Thornton, the wealthy master of Marlborough Mills. But neither Miss Latimer nor those dozens of women will be good enough for John, the man who strived hard day and night ever since he was fourteen years old, to restore his family from the pit of poverty and disgrace. The John who went hungry for nights to ensure there was enough food at home for his mother and sister. Her son John who had to instantly give up his boyhood and turn into a man to settle his father's debts. No woman would ever understand the John she knew. They only saw him as Mr. Thornton of Marlborough Mills. That's all.

Suddenly, her mind flitted to one woman whom she loathed unlike any other. Miss Hale. As much as she hated that girl for rejecting her son, she saw herself in her. Her kindness, intelligence, empathy, as well as her pride, shrewd support for the destitute, unmaterialistic attitude. John's questions and expectations for a wife were so genuine and matched every bit of what Miss Hale was.

But she was in love with another man! When she had gone to counsel Miss Hale, she had humiliated her in return. It was her mother's wish to have her as a guiding figure to Margaret, now that her time on earth was coming to an end. She knew very well that Mrs. Hale's daughter was a woman of her own mind. Yet, she agreed because she did feel a tinge of pity for Miss Hale. She understood what it must be to be abandoned from one's home and come and live in the north. Even though she didn't show it, she was aware that it was Miss Hale who ran the house, prim and proper and who tried to be a dutiful daughter to her parents, despite her own world falling apart. If she was like any other woman, she would have suggested Fanny to become friends with her. But no, Margaret Hale was a different woman altogether. She wished Fanny to have been at least a little of what Miss Hale was, simple, kind, and not one to fall for extravagant pleasures in life. But her daughter was the complete opposite.

She closed her eyes to lure sleep. After a few moments, yet another incident sprang up to her mind. Nothing to do with Miss Hale, her son, or daughter. But an incident from her own marriage life which she counted as one of the most unforgettable times in life. She wondered what made her mind suddenly bring back the memory which she tried to repress.

When Hannah Thornton was basking in the glory of her newly married life, her husband George was equally in love with her. Hannah was ever since birth a controlled person who assured to never let her emotions override her. Her husband was the complete opposite. He was a fun person to be with, fiercely loyal, someone who was good in humour as well as intelligence. They attended several social gatherings and concerts together, which were enough for the entire town to know how much in love they both were. On one such occasion, a ball party, Hannah Thornton, after having a dance a great deal, went aside from the crowd to recompose herself. Her corset felt too tight and she struggled for breath. She wished to return back home, when all of a sudden, a man almost pounced upon her. Hannah almost went blank with fear and shame. She struggled to get out of the man's hold, who had been clearly too much drunk and out of control. Thankfully, no one was there or her honor would have been tarnished. She somehow pulled herself away from the man and ran as fast as she could. But no, she was seen by her mother-in-law.

Mother Thornton was very much the typical Milton woman who cared for honor and propriety before anything else. When she saw her daughter-in-law almost being in the arms of another man, she couldn't suppress her anger. She fumed and burst out at Hannah. Her husband unusually remained silent. Hannah kept her lips tight, neither denying her mother-in-law's insinuations nor agreeing. To be honest, it was not her mistake and she only cared for her husband's good opinion. Her husband's silence only pushed her to fright. But it was only after a while when he spoke. He calmly yet firmly asserted to his mother that he trusted his wife more than anyone else in the world. He assured both women that what happened was solely the heinous offense by the man, who tried to take liberties with someone else's wife. He said that he will look into the matter and told Hannah to not think about it anymore, and leave the matter to his hands, he who would make sure that odious man would be dealt with.

His unshakable faith in her was something Hannah relished more than anything else. Her time with her husband had been quite less, yet the life they lived was based on love. Unfortunately, the few years before his death pulled him into the habit of speculating and gambling, all done simply to give his wife and son a lavish life. How much ever Hannah warned and denied her husband's extravagant indulgences, his love for the family almost made him blind in his actions. Eventually, he pulled the trigger and chose death.

Mrs. Thornton thought if Miss Hale was indeed trustworthy as she had been. What if, just what if the man she had been with so late at night was anything but not her lover or intended? And more so, she knew that she had insulted her in the name of giving her counsel. She stood as proud and haughty that day in front of her. Now that she thought about it, she realized that miss Hale stood totally fearless and righteous, without a hint of remorse. She should have rather tried to communicate openly with her and ask who the man was with her at the station. Maybe, she would have confided. She had lost too much already. It was then that Mrs. Thornton decided to do something for the girl. But first, she would apologize to her even if it hurt her pride.

Before giving in to sleep, she prayed. She prayed for her son and sincerely hoped his love would be reciprocated if hope still lingered. She would rather see him married to Miss Hale than to see him pining for the girl lifelong. If Miss Hale still rejected him, then he at least deserved to know who exactly the man was to her, so that he doesn't live with a false assumption, if such was the case.