Where to Go From Here?
By Eilie Hunter

This story began with a Team Nathan FanFiction challenge to write a one-shot beginning after the Season 8 finale. How this story has grown! For myself, I needed to resolve some not-to-be-believed scenes in Season 8, to restore hope and support Nathan Grant, our Mountie hero.

Author's Note: We cannot change what life has given us in the past, because we can never go back. We cannot change the choices others have made, but we can grow, learn, heal and start to live our new direction from this moment forward. Every difficulty in relationship is not resolved to our satisfaction. Yet, as we learn to forgive, being honest with ourselves and open to others, we can find love, restored hope and fulfillment in community. Plus, God may even bring unexpected joys for us along the way. EH

Nathan was distraught.

He could not hide it from Allie, which made his heart ache even worse. He could not hide it from Bill and his inquisitive instincts. Plus, Nathan knew Joseph had seen right through his 'I'm fine,' when he picked-up coffee at the Café this morning. Joseph knew Nathan was anything but fine.

Nathan sat in his office with a locked door and the shades pulled down. He had heard the 3doorknob rattle a couple times, but figured if anyone needed the services of the Mountie on this Saturday, they would shout out, or even go call the office from the Mercantile telephone. Nathan just needed space. He had hardly slept all night, but was still so wired he didn't feel tired. He was grateful that Allie was at Opal's house for the day because her friend could distract her and Nathan would have a few hours to figure out his and Allie's next steps. Nathan wasn't really thinking of leaving town, but how could he stay? Yesterday had been brutal.

Allie knew something was wrong. Very wrong. Nathan had tried to tell her that Mrs. Thornton was with Mr. Bouchard, but that was not news to Allie as she had no idea what had transpired in the past 24 hours, nor was Nathan going to tell her very much. What to tell her was something he needed to figure out today because he owed it to Allie. She was always so concerned for her uncle and she had to continue to interact with her teacher almost daily.

'Would it help to write a list? Some notes?' Nathan took out paper and pen, but ended up staring at the blank page for some time. He drained his coffee, then realized he dared not go for more now.

Picking up the pen again, he wrote, 'Allie.' Below that he scribbled some questions to address.

Next he wrote, 'Lucas.'

Somehow he had to explain how wrong he was to have said what he did. Nathan ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Not frustration with Lucas, although if Nathan was honest with himself he was frustrated with him. No, Nathan could admit his frustration was with himself. Why had he said that to Lucas? Nathan could hardly admit to himself what he had said. 'Do I really believe that?' Nathan stared at the wall across from him. 'No. I don't believe it. I know Elizabeth loves me. She used to anyway.' Nathan could not understand Elizabeth's comments yesterday. Nothing made sense.

Without finishing his list for Lucas, Nathan wrote Elizabeth's name. 'What do I say to her?' He still had to interact with her about Allie, at least sometimes. 'How can I keep my distance…'

The doorknob rattled, then the rap on the door was sharp and strong. Nathan heard Bill's gruff, low voice, "Nathan. I know you are in there. Open up. I have coffee and muffins for you. Now, man! My hand is burning!"

Nathan rose, unlocked the door and stepped aside, shutting and locking the door behind them.

Bill immediately set the mugs on the desk, dropped a brown bag from under his arm and waved his hands in the air. He looked at Nathan, taking in his appearance and expression. He decided taking charge was the best thing to do right now, but he softened his tone to do so.

"Nathan, have a seat." As Nathan sat down, Bill pulled his chair close to the front of the desk and handed Nathan the mug of steaming hot coffee. "You might have to let that cool a little."

"Thank you, Bill. I had just run out."

"Figured as much. Muffins are in the bag."

"Thanks. Not really hungry."

"Oh yeah? And why is that?" Bill blew on his coffee and took a small sip, looking at Nathan over the rim of his mug. He blew on it again.

Silence filled the room.

Finally, Bill stated. "You need to talk about it, Nathan. Whatever happened yesterday, you need to get it off your chest. I know you. I know something big went down. It wasn't a phone call, was it?"

Bill observed Nathan who just nodded side-to-side. "Okay, not a call. Was it a letter?"

Nathan looked up at Bill with pain in his eyes, but whispered, "No."

"Didn't think so. Did you have a visitor?" As Nathan flinched, Bill continued. "It was Elizabeth, wasn't it." A statement, rather than a question, and Bill knew the truth when Nathan scrunched his eyes as if to keep from tearing up.

Bill gave Nathan time to offer some explanation. When he didn't, Bill spoke quietly, "Nathan, my Son, you will feel better if you get it off your chest. What happened with Elizabeth?"

Bill waited and sipped more coffee.

Nathan ran his hands through his hair again then leaned his elbows on the desk, with his head in his hands.

Bill hated to see this look of utter despair. Or was it defeat? Or both? "Nathan?"

"She said she was trying to find Jack in me. She has been trying to replace him with me." Nathan went silent as he worked to control his emotions and kept he head down, avoiding eye contact.

"Nathan, I love Elizabeth, but that is bunk. The only thing to compare with you and Jack is your uniforms, the serge. Well, maybe you both are honorable and protective and darn good Mounties, but Elizabeth knows Jack died. What does she mean find him in you?"

"There's more, Bill. Nathan glanced up briefly, then stared at the desk again. "She said she loved me…"

"Well then. Of course she does…" Bill interrupted.

Nathan continued, talking over Bill, "…but she is not in love with me." Nathan's shoulders slumped in spite of himself.

Bill was silent, processing, then he leaned forward. "Care to give me some background in this, Nathan? Did you tell her you love her?"

Nathan just nodded.

"Yesterday?" quizzed Bill.

"No, months ago. Before she started seeing Lucas."

"You told her you loved her months ago? Whoa... When you told her that, what did she say?"

"Nothing. She just took off at a gallop." Nathan looked up at the ceiling to keep his composure as he remembered. "She said, she couldn't give me what I wanted. I said I knew she felt the same way about me, but she said she couldn't because it would hurt too much if she lost me, like she lost Jack. Then she got on Sargent. I told her I loved her. I was in love with her," Nathan gulped, "and she galloped away."

"Wow. Nathan. I am so sorry. I had no idea. You've been carrying this knowledge alone all this time? That's not right, Nathan. That is too much to carry. Too much hurt." Bill leaned back in frustration. "I don't even know how you have functioned these past months."

"I distanced myself for a while, invested in Allie. Then I decided not to give up in my heart, but to be polite, yet minimally friendly to her. The thing is, we connected sometimes, Bill. When Ned was having surgery, Elizabeth and I talked on the bench outside the Infirmary and I told her things I have never told anyone about taking in Allie. She listened Bill. We talked. We connected, if briefly."

Bill remained quiet as Nathan poured out his heart.

"Even a few days ago, when you and I were talking at the wedding reception and she asked to speak to me outside? Elizabeth told me she didn't hold it against me that Jack replaced me. She forgave me for waiting to tell her. She said from the bottom of her heart. And, Bill," Nathan gulped again, although a tear escaped down his face, "Bill, she held my hands."

Nathan was quiet, although he looked as though he had more to say. He started, then stopped a few times until finally he blurted out how she had offered tea, then offered to warm his serge a couple mornings ago when he had delivered Florence's bouquet to her. "Bill, she seemed happy with me then." He whispered, "She gave me reason to hope."

Bill knew he was in over his head. He needed back-up. Maybe he could find Joseph and get Nathan to talk to him? Joseph was a pastor, he must know how to help his friend. This dear man. This wounded, hurting man.

Nathan whispered again, "I don't understand. I just don't."

Bill agreed, quietly stating, "I don't understand either. Not at all." He paused, "But Nathan," Bill waited for Nathan to look him in the eyes. "Nathan, I know someone who will understand."

Nathan looked somewhat incredulous.

"Nathan, would you please talk to Joseph? He is a pastor. He counsels. He advises. He will be able to listen and help you where I cannot. May I find him and ask him to come see you here?"

Nathan knew Joseph might be able to at least help him sort through how to handle his list, even if he didn't have much else to say. Now that he had bared his heart once, it didn't seem as though it would be as difficult to do it again. Then, there was the matter of what he had said to Lucas… Nathan sighed and responded, "Okay. I am sorry to burden you with all my cares, Bill. But thank you for listening."

Relieved, Bill stood. "Okay. I will find him, and Nathan, don't hesitate to talk to me."

"Bill, please don't discuss this with Elizabeth? Don't tell her what you know from me? There is no changing her mind and I just need to figure out how I should handle all this."

"Nathan, I promise I will keep your confidence about what you have told me. I cannot promise I won't ask her what is going on with her and try to get her to answer some questions. Sorry. But she will not hear from me what you have shared today."

"Okay, thank you for that." Nathan held Bill's gaze, clear-eyed once again.

"While I am out, shall I get you some more coffee or a sandwich?" Bill offered.

"Yeah, please. Would you mind? I just don't want to see anyone right now. Except Joseph of course."

"Sure. Sit tight." Bill turned to go, then at the door, turned back to Nathan. "Son, I am on your side. Thank you for trusting me enough to share all this."

With that Bill departed and pulled the door shut behind himself, leaving Nathan alone again.

Sometime later there was a knock on the door, a little more gentle than Bill's had been. A flash of fear hit him, but Nathan stood, took a deep breath and opened the door.

Joseph stood there with a basket from the Café and a mug of steaming coffee in his hand.

"Hello, Nathan," Joseph greeted him as he followed Nathan's gesture and entered the office. "I come bearing sustenance!"

Nathan made a quick glance up and down the quiet street, then closed and locked the door again.

"Thank you, Pastor. I assume Bill suggested the food?" Nathan motioned him to sit down. "Please."

Joseph responded, "He did. He also asked me to come see you because you had a lot on your mind? Oh, and Nathan? First name only please? I don't stand on protocol, unless it is Sunday and you feel compelled to mention my title!"

Nathan liked this down-to-earth man and his warmth. "Okay, then Joseph it is." Nathan glanced at the desk and realized there was only one coffee. "Joseph, didn't you get a coffee for yourself? Would you like this one? I can always drink water."

Joseph laughed. "I believe I am a bit older than you, brother, so let me explain. I have reached the age when one cup, first thing in the morning, is all I can handle! Any more than that and I cannot sleep the next night and, to quote my wife, I become a 'bear!' Thank you, but no thank you!"

Nathan smiled and raised the mug. "You don't mind if I have it then? I didn't sleep at all last night."

"Go ahead. Now why is that? Why didn't you sleep?"

"What did Bill tell you?"

"Not much except that he needed back-up and would I please come see you right away. Here I am." Joseph leaned back in his chair. Although Nathan couldn't know, Joseph was silently praying.

"Hmmm." Nathan drank a sip of coffee and took a deep breath. "I don't even know where to begin."

"The beginning is usually the best place. But start anywhere and if I need background I'll ask, okay?" Joseph suggested.

"Okay." Nathan shared how he came to Hope Valley and about the landslide that killed Jack Thornton. "I found out and was horrified, yet grateful to be alive for Allie's sake. When I later learned Jack had been married and left behind a widow and a young child, I requested that I be the one to replace him in Hope Valley to protect and serve his family. It has been an ideal place to settle with Allie."

"That is ideal until I began to have feelings for Elizabeth. I tried to deny them, but we always had a connection." Nathan smiled sadly as he recalled when she had wiped icing on his nose. "We shared our lives many times, never on a date, but she advised me and supported me through some life-challenges. She showed great love to and support for Allie as well. Elizabeth was always seeking me out, approaching me, just to talk about Allie or anything she could think of." Nathan stopped for a sip of coffee and another deep breath of courage to continue.

Joseph quietly listened, both to the words spoken and the pain he felt was beneath the words.

"I don't think I was misinterpreting things, Joseph. I know how to read people. It is part of my training. I really believe she had feelings for me. She practically invited me to ask her out! I tried a few times, but the Fort Clay issue was the secret that held me back and I couldn't find a time to tell her about that. It never felt right."

"In the meantime she had at least one date, a big one out-of-town, with Lucas Bouchard. I think there may have been more, but they would have not been as public as the one I found out about. The whole town knew and treated me as though they had to walk on eggshells around me. I didn't know my feelings for Elizabeth were even known. Actually, maybe it was more that they saw her feelings for me? I don't know. Anyway, Lucas interrupted many conversations when Elizabeth and I were talking on the street. I forgave him, but he was never showed me in the best light when Elizabeth was around. He often belittles me, which is ironic because I saved his life, and hers, when they were held for ransom. He took credit for that and I let him have it. It is just not worth it sometimes, you know, Joseph? God keeps the accounts. I don't. I just need to keep my conscience clear." He shook his head as though to clear his thoughts. "Sorry, I'm getting side-tracked. Where was I?"

"Lucas dated Elizabeth while she and you had deep conversations, connections?"

"Right. Well, I finally asked her to dinner and she hesitated. I will never understand why, after pursuing me as she did. But I told her to think about it, as I was leaving for a prisoner transfer with Bill, and give me her answer when I returned. I don't know if you heard about that, Joseph?"

"Not really. What happened?"

"The prisoner's sister held up the transfer wagon and Mountie escorts at gunpoint. I had her talked down and was reaching for her gun, when a young, inexperienced Mountie took matters into his own hands. She saw him, pulled the trigger and he was killed. We arrested her and she and her brother have since been charged for far worse than the original robbery. Anyway, I was in shock and slowly returned to town following the wagon and dead comrade. Elizabeth thought it was me that was killed and when she saw me walking in, she ran and embraced me." Nathan looked to the ceiling to keep his tears in his eyes as he remembered those tender moments. He cleared his throat and continued quietly. "She hugged me tightly and didn't let go for a very long time. I was startled, but welcomed the comfort after the trauma of the failed transfer, so I didn't let go of her either." Nathan looked at Joseph. "We fit together. As if we belonged. At that moment I really thought we did."

Joseph watched Nathan's deep sorrow, praying all the more fervently for this wounded man. "That was how long ago, Nathan?"

"Almost a year ago, now." Nathan had gone silent, so Joseph asked another question.

"What happened between you after that public embrace?"

"Joseph, I don't even know. She stopped seeking me out and I hardly saw her for weeks. I had a lot of Mountie business to take care of, both here in Hope Valley and out of town due to the death of the other Constable. Then over Christmas I just needed to get away with Allie, so we visited my Dad up North for a few weeks. After that Elizabeth seemed to avoid me when I brought Allie to school or came to get her, so I kept my distance. I know Lucas had left town for a few months at that point, so she wasn't spending time with him. I just gave her the space I thought she needed. I did always let her know when I would be away so she knew who would be picking up Allie, and all. We didn't talk about anything else for weeks, until I sensed an openness once again and asked her about the dinner we never got to have."

"Elizabeth couldn't get a babysitter, so we decided to all go together. But that never happened. Lucas' mother arrived as we were walking down the street. She is the editor of Elizabeth's book, and meeting her seemed to frighten Elizabeth and she asked us to walk them back home. Soon after that I was planning to purchase land and build a home. When I told Elizabeth about it, she confessed she felt I wanted more than she could give me…" Nathan continued to tell Joseph a condensed version of what he had shared earlier with Bill, finishing by explaining what had happened yesterday. Nathan leaned back in his chair, spent.

Joseph leaned forward. "I am sorry for all you have been through, Nathan. I truly am. I don't know how you have managed all this time. Have you had a confidant or anyone with whom you have shared this burden? Maybe not all the details, but some of it?"

"No. No one. I couldn't bear to have anyone misunderstand or judge Elizabeth, Joseph. Plus I couldn't share the Fort Clay secret until very recently when Elizabeth insisted, publicly, that I tell her the truth about Fort Clay."

"Nathan, I admire you. You really have protected and served Elizabeth. You have loved her enough to allow others to always think the best of her. But, Nathan, you have carried a heavy burden alone. A burden we are not meant to carry. God has promised that His burden is light and has offered to shoulder our sorrows and burdens for us. He has also given us other people to share the load. I hope, no matter how all this turns out, you will take that as a lesson learned, Nathan? I am grateful you have shared this with me today. Now, you don't have to carry it alone anymore." Joseph paused, continuing quietly, "So where do you see going from here, Nathan? How will you handle seeing Elizabeth now?"

Nathan, stood and began to pace. "There is something else, Joseph. I am ashamed to tell you. I have tried to be an honest man, but I wasn't honest last night." He stopped, looked pleadingly at Joseph, and raked his fingers through his hair as he paced again. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Joseph waited, but Nathan seemed to be stuck. "Nathan, are you concerned about a sin?" He watched and Nathan gave a slight nod, so Joseph continued, "There is a verse in I John that says, 'If we walk in the Light, we have fellowship with each other and are cleansed from our sin.' Our confession and God's forgiveness frees us, Nathan. We walk in Light with others and know forgiveness. Does that help?"

"I went to see Lucas last night."

Joseph waited again, then said, "And?"

"I don't know why I said it, but I told Lucas I thought Elizabeth had always had him in her heart." The words rushed out. "The problem is, I don't really believe that. I know she loves me, or at least she used to. Joseph, I have had Mountie training in investigative and interrogation skills and in understanding how a mind works. I understand much more than people think I do. But, I cannot understand Elizabeth's comments yesterday. Nothing makes sense. She has denied our connection and is claiming she was looking for Jack. In me. I don't know what to do with that." Nathan paused. "But, I shouldn't have said that to Lucas. It wasn't the truth. Then I encouraged him to stay. It was as though I was handing Elizabeth to him. Truth is, I am tired. I can't do this anymore, but I don't know how to move beyond it. I probably need to talk to Lucas and I don't really want to. I don't know what to say to Allie. Joseph, I don't know what to do." Nathan collapsed in his chair.

"Are you asking me for advice?"

"I am, Joseph. I need it."

"Let's take one thing at a time. What you said to Lucas? Was it really a lie? The woman you love just told you she doesn't love you and she wasn't seeing you, but searching for her dead husband. To me, it was a knee-jerk reaction. You were trying to justify her words by saying Lucas was in her heart not Jack or you. But, Nathan, if you feel it was a lie. You know what to do about that right?"

"I do," Whispered Nathan.

Joseph waited. "Well, why not ask God's forgiveness right now. Put it behind you. I'll wait."

Nathan closed his eyes and prayed silently. As he did he felt a release of the heaviness he had felt since yesterday. He prayed out loud, but quietly, "God, I forgive Elizabeth. I don't understand, but I know I've been hurt. I don't want to carry that anymore. I pray for her that you work in her. Help her as only you can. I can't tell you what she needs, only you know that. I forgive her for dragging me along for so long, for giving me false hope. I give her to you. I release her. I won't hold on any longer. And, forgive me, God, for lying to Lucas. Help me know how to apologize. I forgive him again for how he has treated me, for his words and actions. I need words to tell him that as well." Nathan's voice faltered, "I just don't know how to go forward. Help me, God?"

Joseph continued Nathan's prayer. "Thank you God for the freedom we have in confession and forgiveness. I pray you would guide Nathan and give him wisdom in every conversation. Give him words to say when he should speak and prompt him when silence is best. Amen, Lord. Amen."

Nathan's eyes were still closed, but Joseph spoke, "Nathan, you know you will see them around town, whether alone or together. I would advise you to keep a boundary between them and you. Once you have spoken to Lucas, let that be it for a long while. If he seeks you out, explain you cannot be in a relationship with him right now. You need not say any more. I would recommend you tell the same to Elizabeth next time she approaches you. Keep boundaries and keep practicing forgiveness, over and over until there is no pain when you see either of them. You need to guard your heart. Keep apart. Give yourself time to heal."

Joseph suddenly thought of the awkwardness. "Of course, Elizabeth is Allie's schoolteacher so you may have to interact about that occasionally, but be careful to keep that strictly business. Do you agree? Do you see the wisdom in what I am recommending, Nathan?"

Nathan looked visibly more relaxed than he had for the past hour. "Yes. It is a relief to hear you say that actually. Your words have clarified my thoughts. Thank you, Joseph. May I ask something else? What do I do about Allie? I have tried to protect her and keep her from knowing much about Elizabeth and my relationship or lack thereof, but she is a teen now. She has asked questions over these past months. I guess she senses and understands more than I think she does. How do I explain, yet prevent her from holding a grudge against her teacher, or trying to defend me or…I don't know. She knows something has been going on. She is losing a mother-figure in her teacher and I don't want her to be hurt. She has already been hurt so much."

"I don't think we can always protect our children from hurt. I am learning that it is better for them to know we love them and are there for them whenever they need us as they grow up. They need to learn to navigate this messy world, full of hurtful experiences, so they can be stronger and heal and learn even more. As Allie is becoming a young woman, she does need that female example and guidance in these important years. You can't do it all. Is there anyone in town that you can trust to befriend Allie? Someone she could go to when she needs to discuss womanly things? I am sure Minnie would be willing, but it might be good to also have someone who is not involved at the school or with Elizabeth. Allie needs boundaries too."

Nathan had wondered how to approach this with Allie and who to recommend. He thought of each family and business up and down the street, until he thought of the Barbershop and the Infirmary.

"A thought has just occurred to me. Maybe I could ask Fiona and Faith to befriend Allie? Maybe do some things together as girls? I believe both are trustworthy. I know Fiona had plenty of secrets to keep when she used to work the switchboard and Faith is a doctor, so she is discreet. Neither are close friends with Elizabeth, so Allie might feel comfortable with them." Nathan sighed. "I never thought I would have to navigate Allie's growing womanhood alone. In truth, I never thought it through. We have just lived life together one-day-at-a-time for over six years now."

"That is a long time to handle parenting alone, Nathan. A long time when she isn't your biological daughter as well. I greatly admire you, Nathan. You have my full support and frequent prayers." Joseph leaned forward. "As for what to tell Allie? Answer her questions honestly. For those you cannot answer, tell her you can't right now. She will respect the truth, Nathan. Have you considered what to tell her?"

Nathan lifted the paper on his desk and waved it. "Mostly considered what my questions are!" Nathan proceeded, "How to keep apart, to be polite, but reserved? To avoid sharing anything about me? To prepare Allie that if she feels put in the middle, she is not required to answer questions or be involved with Elizabeth apart from school lessons."

"Sounds like you are ready for some good conversations with Allie. You are wise, Nathan, and a good father. I will be praying for you."

Nathan looked down at the desk.

"If there is nothing else right now, I should be going so you can eat your lunch." Joseph stood. "And, Nathan? Don't berate yourself. Give yourself some time. Time to heal. Time to figure out how to move forward. And give yourself permission to find some new friends, apart from Elizabeth. You will benefit from support and any one would be blessed to know you better." Joseph shook Nathan's hand and walked to the door. "Nathan, some pastoral advice? Follow God, one step at a time, every day. And pray."

"Thank you, Joseph. Thank you so much. You are a Godsend for me, and Hope Valley!"

Joseph smiled and said goodbye, "I'll see you tomorrow at church."

After eating his delayed lunch, Nathan glanced at his pocket watch. Before he did afternoon rounds, Nathan thought it might be a good time to find Lucas and have that conversation. The sooner it was over, the more free he knew he would feel. 'God? Go before me and with me on this one? Thank you,' he prayed silently as he locked the door and turned towards the Saloon.

There were not many patrons and Nathan quickly spotted Lucas behind the counter with a book.

Nathan cleared his throat. Lucas looked up, snapping the book shut, and asked, "Nathan! What can I get you?"

"Lucas, nothing, thank you. What I need is a few moments of your time? Can we talk here?"

"Sure, unless you want to grab a table?"

Nathan motioned to stay here. "This won't take long." Nathan stood tall and straight, squaring his shoulders as he spoke quietly. "Lucas, I have been thinking about what I said last night. I realize it was not the truth. It seems Elizabeth has now chosen to walk away from me, but we have had a connection. She has often sought me out and there are things you don't know. No matter her decision now, she has not always had you in her heart. I don't really believe that. I think I was reacting from her hurtful words yesterday and I am sorry. Please forgive me for saying that?"

Lucas was taken aback and remained silent.

"There is something else. I have forgiven you, Lucas, but you need to know your words to me when Elizabeth has been present have been unkind and hurtful. Maybe that was your intent, I don't know, but I forgive you." Nathan took a deep breath, knowing he had to continue. "Finally, Lucas, I do not appreciate your 'advice' on how to raise Allie, as if you have a right to comment. You know nothing about our relationship and my parenting is not your business. Frankly, your comments are offensive. I forgive you, but ask that you refrain from interfering in the future and, actually refrain from interacting with Allie as well. That's all." Nathan paused to give Lucas an opportunity to speak.

Lucas did not take correction easily. He narrowed his eyes and was ready to lash out when the telephone rang at his elbow. It startled him enough to stay quiet as he reached for the receiver. "Hello?"

Nathan tapped his hand on the counter, placed his campaign hat on his head and gave the hat tip as a farewell. As he walked out the door, he prayed for God to do His work and continue to help him forgive. It was time for rounds and then to go home to have supper with Allie.

As Nathan neared the barbershop he saw Faith enter. 'Maybe I could talk to both women at once!' He dismounted, tied Newton and knocked as he turned the knob. He quickly scanned the room and was grateful there were no patrons present.

"Good afternoon, Fiona, Faith. May I have a word with you both?"

"Hello, Nathan!" both ladies spoke in unison, then looked at each other and laughed.

Faith gained her composure first and responded, "Of course. Is everything all right?"

"Yes, and no." Nathan turned his hat in his hand as he spoke. "I have a request for you ladies. I am a bit uncertain what to say, but…"

Nathan looked very uncomfortable and suddenly shy or maybe vulnerable? Fiona couldn't figure out which, but wanted to reassure him. "Sure, Nathan. Have a seat. What is it?"

Nathan sat in the barber chair opposite the women and swiveled to face them. "Ahhh…" This was painful to say. "You probably know that Elizabeth has been on dates with Lucas for a while so maybe this won't surprise you, but yesterday she told me she cannot see a relationship with me for her. There was more, but that's all you really need to know. She has made her choice." Nathan sighed. "Elizabeth has had a great deal of input in Allie's life, beyond her schooling. Now that cannot, should not, continue but that leaves Allie with no woman to talk to. She has looked up to Elizabeth as more than her teacher and she will need to withdraw from that relationship now, and keep it strictly to teacher and student in the classroom. My question is this, would either, or both, of you be willing to befriend Allie? To take her under your wing in a way? To listen and talk and answer her honest questions? To take her for ice cream or teach her a recipe or…?"

Fiona and Faith looked at each other with surprise. Nathan had never asked them for anything.

He continued. "Allie is approaching womanhood and needs more than I can give her on my own. I think you ladies might really bless her. Could you consider this? Please?"

"Nathan, I cannot speak for Faith, but I would count it a privilege to get to know Allie! If I can offer some womanly input in her life, I would be happy to. Allie is a sweetheart and I would value more time with her." Fiona smiled at Nathan, and trying to lighten his mood and concern she added, "My ideas may not be old-fashioned though, Nathan, so if she comes home with a business plan and you don't approve, we will have to talk!" Fiona laughed, as did Nathan and Faith.

"I agree, Nathan. It would be my pleasure to spend time with Allie and treat her to some girl talk! My answer is yes as well!"

"Really?" Nathan looked from Faith to Fiona, noticeably relieved. "That would be wonderful. Do you think you should approach her and invite her to something or…?"

"You know, some of us friends are riding over to the Wilson's farm tomorrow afternoon to pick apples. Why don't you and Allie join us? We can have a relaxing afternoon together and maybe some conversation or plans with Allie can naturally evolve from that?" suggested Faith.

"Good idea!" Fiona added. "And I think you need some friends too, Nathan. Clara, Jesse, and Mike are going with us and I am sure we would all welcome the chance to know you better. Plus, you probably could use some guy time! It will be fun. What do you think?"

Nathan was totally unaware, but he had just endeared himself to both Fiona and Faith. When they would speak later they would remark on what a prize Elizabeth was missing, yes, but more so what a special father he was and how much he loved Allie. Their intuition told them there was a lot more below the surface with Constable Nathan Grant.

"I think that is a great idea! Allie would love more opportunities to ride, and I don't have to be hovering if all of you are with us. Yes. Let's do this! Thank you." As Fiona and Faith looked at him, they each thought there was a sheen in his eyes. "Thank you so very much. You have no idea…"

"Oh, I think we do, Nathan. We do." Faith smiled. "So tomorrow it is!"

"Maybe we should have supper together afterwards? We can all just contribute whatever we have. Like a pot-luck?" suggested Fiona. "The only problem is my little place is too small. I wonder if Clara would mind if we meet at the Café? They're not open, but we could prepare our own food in the kitchen. Why don't we plan on that and we'll confirm it at church tomorrow?"

"Wonderful, ladies. You are a Godsend. Thank you. Well, I must get to my rounds now. I'll see you at church?"

"Yes!" Fiona added, "And Nathan? You and Allie, you are not alone."

Allie had started supper so a delicious aroma greeted Nathan as he opened the door.

"Hey, Uncle Nathan! How was your day?" Allie tried to be cheerful while assessing her uncle's mood. She gave him a tight hug.

Nathan hugged her tightly as well. How he loved his girl. "Allie-girl, the day didn't start off very well, but it got better as the day progressed. We can talk about it at supper, okay? I want to hear all about your time with Opal too. Let me go change, okay?"

Allie called up the stairs, "Mrs. Montgomery sent me home with a pumpkin pie for dessert, by the way." She knew that was one of her uncle's favorites, although he didn't look as though he needed to be cheered up as much as he had when she had said goodbye this morning.

"Sounds great. Be down in a minute." Nathan responded. As he descended the stairs in slacks and his Henley, he asked, "So can we have pie first?"

"Uncle Nathaaaan…" Allie gave her signature eye-roll. "Very funny."

"Well, it was worth a try, eh? So what's cooking?"

"A surprise. Mrs. Montgomery told me how to do this this afternoon. I hope you like it!"

"If you made it, I will like it! What's it called?" Nathan unsuccessfully tried to wheedle the information from her as he took a seat at the table. "Okay then. Are we ready to eat now or can you sit down and talk?"

Allie glanced at the clock on the front desk. "We have another quarter hour or so." She pulled out her chair and sat across from her uncle.

"Good. I have some things to tell you. Allie," Nathan hesitated briefly, "Mrs. Thornton talked to me yesterday. There is no future for us. For me and Mrs. Thornton. For a future family." He reached out his hands across the table and Allie placed hers in his as he continued. "She has made her choice. We cannot control the choices other people make, sweetie. I'm sorry. We just have to adjust ourselves and move on. Do you understand?"

Allie nodded, but her eyes filled with tears. She remained quiet.

"I know it hurts you. It hurts us both, but we have to separate ourselves from Mrs. Thornton. This may be hard, I know, especially for you. You still have to see her at school, but I want to ask you," Nathan hesitated, "to try to avoid talking to Mrs. Thornton about things that aren't part of your lessons? Could you try to keep your relationship to just being one of her students?"

Allie's tears overflowed, but she nodded. "That's hard. I have been trying to do that all summer, but I guess I can keep trying."

Nathan squeezed the hands of his brave girl, this girl that was so familiar with loss. He hated to have to ask her this, but he knew it was for her good. "Sweetie, I know it is hard. I wish I could make it easy for you, but I can't. You have had to grow up so much more than most other girls your age. I am so sorry. I hope you know how much I love you? How proud I am of who you are, of the young lady you are becoming? You are my delight, my brave, sweet Allie. My gift from God." Nathan's eyes teared as well.

This time it was Allie who squeezed his hands. He looked so sad.

"Are you mad at Mrs. Thornton?"

"Mad? No. I am sad. Sad for me, for us and sad for her. I don't think she has made the right choice, but I cannot change that, nor wait any longer. I am not asking you to do anything I am not going to do, Allie. I will not be close friends with her anymore either. I cannot. I am forgiving her every day, just like Jesus tells us to do. It will help you if you keep forgiving her too, Allie. When we forgive, God heals us and eventually the hurt goes away. We've talked about forgiving people before, right? Can you try to do that? Forgive Mrs. Thornton anytime you feel hurt or remember something that hurts or wish something could be different? Shall we both do this every day?"

Allie whispered, "I guess so. But, I wish she wasn't hurting you, Uncle Nathan."

"I know you do, Sweetie. There is something else I need to ask you. Actually two things. Would you please not tell Mrs. Thornton anything about me? She really shouldn't be asking you about me or about our family or what we are doing, but if she does, can you just say you'd rather not talk about that? If she asks you a lot or if you are uncomfortable, I will have to talk to her, so please tell me, okay?"

"Okay. I think I am pretty mad at her right now, so I wouldn't want to talk to her anyway."

"Well, I understand that. Just make sure you are always polite though, okay? And keep practicing forgiving her." Nathan was sending silent prayers to God, grateful for wisdom and asking for more. "The other thing is I ask you to avoid talking to Mr. Bouchard. I don't know what is happening with Mrs. Thornton and him, but he has said some things to me that are not… appropriate. Do you know that word?"

"Yeah, I do. So, I shouldn't talk to him? I guess that's not hard. I think I am mad at him too."

"And we both need to keep forgiving him too. Would it be okay if we pray for a minute?"

Allie shrugged her shoulders, but didn't let go of Nathan's hands.

Nathan led a quiet prayer of thanksgiving for each other, of forgiving Mrs. Thornton and Mr. Bouchard and of asking God's help to be able to keep on forgiving. He added the request that God give them both wisdom in all their conversations and protect their hearts. He closed with 'Amen' then stood and went around the table to hug Allie.

"I love you, my Allie-girl. I am so thankful for you."

"Uncle Nathan," Allie leaned her head back to see his face, but didn't let go. "Can I call you Dad now?"

"Oh Allie, nothing would make me happier. Yes, please, sweet daughter!" Nathan was surprised and elated and thankful and felt his heart would burst.

"Good. I love you, Dad."

Father and daughter held tightly until Nathan remembered the meal. "Do you think that supper is ready by now?"

"Oh! I forgot! Yes, I am sure it is." Allie rushed to the oven, grabbed towels and lifted out a beautiful, golden-brown casserole to the counter.

"Yum! Let's eat! Shall I bring our plates here and serve or carry it to the table for you?"

"To the table, please? I'll bring the green beans."

After a blessing on the delicious meal, Nathan took a forkful and blew on it. "Oh, this is delicious, Allie. Good job. Scalloped potatoes? "

"Scalloped potatoes and ham casserole!" Allie announced proudly.

"Oh!" Nathan moved his fork to lift the slices and taste the ham. "Uh, Allie? Where is the ham?"

"Right in…" Allie searched her serving for ham as she suddenly cried out, "I forgot the ham! Oh no! Everything is ruined!" Tears fell and she began to sob as she lowered her head into her crossed arms on the table.

"Allie. It's okay, honey. Really. These potatoes taste delicious. Honey, where is the ham?"

Between shaking sobs, Allie motioned to the icebox.

Nathan retrieved the plate of cut cubes of ham and brought it to the table. "Let's just eat the ham as it is, okay? We can combine the ingredients with each forkful and it will taste the same. Come on, sweetie, it really is okay." Nathan knew these sobs were for much more than just the missing ham and pulled a chair around next to her, putting his arm around her shoulder. He stroked her hair. "It's okay, Allie. I'm here. We'll enjoy this meal together. Please don't cry. It's okay."

Gradually her sobs became sniffles and stilled. He handed her the napkin.

As the wave of emotion passed, they returned to their meal and agreed it tasted delicious.

"Do you remember the time I made apple cake without the apples?" Nathan nudged her foot with his below the table and was grateful for the hint of a smile. "Well, we are even now! Ready for pumpkin pie?"

Over dessert Allie shared her activities with Opal and Nathan told Allie about the apple-picking outing for tomorrow and the pot luck supper. He winked at her, "What should we contribute?"

"Maybe if we put the potatoes, AND ham in a different dish, no one would ever know?"

"Don't look at me! I'll never tell!" They shared laughter and pie and decided on an early night after cleaning up the kitchen. "Do you mind reading in your room, Allie? I am exhausted and ready for sleep already."

Allie hugged Nathan in the upstairs hallway. "Good night, Dad."

"Good night, Daughter." Nathan returned her hug and kissed the top of Allie's head.

Tonight they didn't have to say the words 'I love you.' Their endearing terms said that and so much more. The Grants were going to be just fine.

Sunday afternoon was sunny and just warm enough to enjoy a ride and some apple-picking fun. Nathan and Allie fit right in with these welcoming friends and soon the banter and teasing was causing laughter to fill the orchard. Fiona, Faith and Clara claimed Allie to pick apples with them and see if the girls could beat the boys and fill more baskets. Although the ladies did pick more apples, the baskets were too heavy to carry so they had to call off the competition in order to get the men to lift their haul into the cart that Jesse had borrowed from the Mill. By the amount of baskets filled, it appeared there would be some sort of apple dish served at every Hope Valley meal for some time! The men pulled out their pocketknives and sliced apples for the ladies, as well as some slices to share with the horses, before they headed back to town.

Gathering later at the Café each one heated their meal contributions while Allie and Fiona set the tables the men had pushed together, and laughingly decided on a bowl of apples for the centerpiece. Allie received many compliments on her delicious potato and ham casserole, while she and Nathan just grinned at each other. After a while, Allie decided to confess the previous night's disaster and everyone howled with laughter. When each one began to confess their own cooking catastrophes, Allie felt much better!

As they cleared the tables, the men offered to wash and dry the dishes while the ladies watched from the parlor. Faith had called Allie to sit next to her on the settee and asked her what she was interested in doing when she grew up.

"Well, I used to want to be a teacher or an artist or to sing and play guitar like my Unc.. like my Dad, but now I'm not sure!"

"Wait! What did you say? Your Dad plays the guitar? Why is it we don't know anything about this? Nathan? What have you been hiding?" Faith laughingly teased.

"Uh oh, you are in trouble now, Nathan. What did you do?" Mike teased.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Nathan replied seriously, until Jesse opened a closet beneath the stairs and produced a guitar.

"I'm sorry Dad. I didn't know it was a secret. I thought everyone already knew." Allie explained nervously.

"That's okay, Allie-girl." Nathan grinned. "I will play, but Mike will be singing the solo!"

"Me? You do not want to hear that! Fiona should sing. She can really sing!"

"Okay, then," Nathan dried his hands on a towel and joined the ladies in the parlor. He quickly tuned the guitar and strummed a few chords. "Fiona, what is your song request?"

"Let's see. Do you know 'The Water is Wide?'"

"Indeed I do."

"Oh good, I love that one," Allie enthused.

Nathan began to pick the notes, impressing everyone, then nodded for Fiona to begin.

'The water is wide I can't cross o'er.
And neither have I wings to fly.
Build me a boat that can carry two
And both shall row, my love and I…" (1*)

Allie had begun to sing along after the first two lines, and Nathan began a harmony. They sang as a trio until there was a loud round of applause. "Beautiful! Sing something else," exclaimed Clara.

Fiona asked. "You probably don't know it, but, 'The Braes of Balquhither?"

"Sure, I do. Why don't you sing alternate verses as 'Let us go laddie, go.' and I will sing a couple 'Let us go lassie, go.' Is that okay?" Nathan strummed as he made the suggestion. "I know this from my Scottish grandmother!"

"Me too, Nathan! Mine sang it as a lullaby!"

Although unfamiliar to the others, Fiona and Nathan sang a beautiful duet with a Scottish brogue, much to everyone's delight and applause.

"Allie, would you like to sing our song?" Nathan began to strum, then pick some notes.

"Sure!" Allie went and stood by her Dad, placing a hand on his shoulder. She sang in a lilting soprano which enthralled everyone.

'I know the wind is silver. I know the grass is green,
I know the sun is golden, And clear water runs in the stream, the stream.
Yes, clear water runs in the stream.

I know the mountains are purple. I know the rain is gray.
I know the tulips will soon be red and I'll gather them all in May, in May.
Yes, I'll gather them all in May.'

Nathan began to sing a quiet harmony in the background, but he wanted to let Allie shine. He looked up at her with eyes of love and pride as she continued the song.

'I know that Autumn paints the leaves. I know the snowflakes dance.
I know the Spring will sprout again and the world be full of romance, romance.
Yes, the world will be full of romance.

I know the clouds are cotton white. I know the heavens are blue.
I know the earth is velvety brown and the love in my heart is for you, for you.
Yes, the love in my heart is for you.'

There were gasps and oohs and aahhs as Nathan strummed the final chords.

Amidst the applause, Fiona exclaimed, "Oh, Allie! You sing beautifully! I have never heard that song before. It's lovely."

Allie looked proudly at her Dad, "That's because Dad wrote it for me!"

Gasps escaped around the room.

"Wait. You wrote that, Nathan?" Fiona asked to be certain she had heard correctly.

Nathan blushed and looked to the floor as Allie spoke up, "Yes. He has written lots of songs, and poems too!" She bent and kissed his cheek and Nathan raised his face to look at Allie, placing his hand over hers and squeezing.

"We should probably call it a night since you have school in the morning, Allie-girl. Any requests for a final song?" Nathan looked around. "Okay. Let's sing 'We Plow the Fields and Scatter?'"

Everyone nodded as Nathan began to sing, and they finished the final chorus together.

'All good gifts around us are sent from heaven above,
Then thank the Lord, O thank the Lord for all His love.' (2*)

As the final note was sung, everyone stood to return chairs to their places and gather their dishes. Hugs and handshakes were shared all around, as Mike spoke up, "We need to do this again, friends! This was great." Going to Allie, he shook her hand and said, "Allie it was a pleasure to have your company today and you have a beautiful voice. A lot of talent! I hope you can sing for us again soon?"

Allie gave a sweet "Thank you!" and looked over at her Dad. Wistfully, she added, "Maybe?"

Nathan handed the guitar back to Jesse. "Thanks for this tonight." He got quiet as he overheard another conversation.

Fiona had just complimented Allie on her singing when she added, "You know Allie, I play a little bit of guitar. Really I am just learning, but maybe we could get together and sing? Do you play guitar?"

Allie, excitedly responded, "Oh let's! I only play guitar a little. Mostly because Dad plays so well I would rather listen to him! But, maybe we can each teach each other something? That would be fun!"

Faith joined in, "Could I join sometimes? I used to play guitar when I was younger and I love to sing."

"Sure, Miss Faith!" She went to hug Faith, then looked up at her and returned to Fiona, "Is it okay for me to call you Miss Faith and Miss Fiona?"

The ladies laughed, delighted. "Of course! Let's ask your Dad which day works best this week, shall we?" Fiona returned Allie's hug and turned to see Nathan watching them with smiling eyes.

"How about Tuesday, ladies? Would that be okay?"

"Tuesday after school! Why don't one of us meet Allie at school to walk her to the Barbershop?" Faith offered. "You could come pick-up Allie there when you finish your rounds?"

"That would be wonderful. Thank you so much, both of you." Nathan was amazed. God was answering his prayers right before his eyes!

As everyone said farewell, Faith and Fiona departed together, walking arm in arm.

"What a swell day, and night!" Fiona whispered, joyfully.

Faith nodded and responded, "Still water runs deep, doesn't it? I had no idea! The two of them are delightful and such fun."

"I know, right?" Fiona paused thoughtfully. "Actually, we invited Nathan and Allie in order to help Allie, but I think I was more blessed by them than whatever I might have done for Allie."

Bill looked up from his book. He had been unable to concentrate and was re-reading the same paragraph over and over again. He closed his book and stared at the flickering stove, reflecting on the day.

He was grateful Nathan and Allie were seated more forward in church this morning as Elizabeth and Lucas arrived hand-in-hand, just as the service began. He didn't think Elizabeth saw his nod, but Lucas did and looked like the cat who caught the canary. Bill was glad Nathan did not see that!

Bill never found out where Jack was because he commandeered Nathan and Allie to distract them from seeing Elizabeth and Lucas depart. He noticed Elizabeth seemed to only have eyes for Lucas and that they didn't linger or converse with many as they left. 'Elizabeth looked happy. I wonder if she is happy?' Bill pondered. He knew he needed to talk to her as a caring, protective father would, even if she was an adult and might not appreciate his input. Bill cared enough to pay that price. The question was when and how to broach the subject. His thoughts returned to Jack. 'Maybe I can ask about Jack, at least to begin a conversation?'

Bill shook his shoulders as if he could shake off the responsibility and the potential confrontation.

'God, I'm going to need your help with this one.' Bill voiced quietly.

Another observation had him feeling much better though. 'Nathan seemed happy and even relaxed this morning. Joseph must have really helped him.' After a big hug, Allie had excused herself and was conversing and laughing with Robert, Laura and Faith. Bill was glad to see that as well. Keeping those happy thoughts in mind, Bill rose, banked the fire and prepared for bed.

Allie concentrated on her lessons and the school day passed quickly. She was grateful to have successfully evaded contact with Mrs. Thornton for two days and breathed a sigh of relief as she gathered her books and coat and headed out the door.

"Allie. Allie. Wait!" Mrs. Thornton called after her.

She remembered her Dad had said to be polite so she stopped and half-turned, remaining silent.

Mrs. Thornton approached her, "Can you stay for a few minutes? I wanted to find out how you, and your Uncle are doing?"

"He's my Dad." Allie answered quietly, but with a clipped voice. "I can't stay. I am meeting someone. Good bye, Mrs. Thornton." And with that, Allie turned and quickly bounced down the steps. She was relieved to see Fiona standing nearby and ran to give her a hug.

"Well! Hello, Allie! You must be really excited for your school day to end! How did it go?" Fiona kept her arm around Allie's shoulders as they turned to walk into town.

Elizabeth was taken aback. Not just by Allie's short answers, but to see her run and hug Fiona. Evidently they expected to meet each other.

Elizabeth didn't identify her feelings beyond sadness, but if she had, she would have discovered she was also feeling left out and somewhat jealous. If she had taken the time to examine those feelings, Elizabeth would have realized they were the consequence of her own choices. This was her future. But, Mrs. Elizabeth Thornton did not take the time for self-examination, and hurriedly collected her books. She wanted to get home for a few moments with Jack before she dressed for tonight's dinner with Lucas at the Saloon.

As Elizabeth turned towards the row houses, Allie and Fiona were half way into town.

Allie bounced along next to Fiona, filling her with information about her lessons and friends. Looking up at Fiona, she confessed, "I tried all day, but it was hard not to think about our appointment. I am so excited!"

"Well, that is sweet, Allie. I have had you on my mind a lot today too! Are you hungry for a treat? It's too cold for ice cream today, but we could get some cookies and tea?"

"Sure. That sounds good. Is Faith coming?"

"I don't think so. She had a lot of last-minute appointments this afternoon, but she may stop in later."

Nathan just happened to be looking out the window when Allie and Fiona walked by. He quickly stood and went to the door, opening it just to watch them as they headed to the Café. The air was brisk today so Nathan quickly closed the door, but was grateful for the warmth of that visual and that Allie was making new friends. 'Maybe I am too?'

Nathan thought back to Sunday's delightful outing, supper and sing-a-long. 'Maybe Allie and I should offer to host our next Sunday Supper at our home?'

"Thank you, Lord, for all your gifts," he prayed under his breath, "Lead us where to go from here!"

(1*) The Water is Wide, 17th Century Scottish Folk Song, Published 1906, Public Domain

(2*) We Plow the Fields and Scatter (Wir Pflugen und Wir Streuen by Matthias Claudius, 1782) Translated from German by Jane Campbell, 1861, Public Domain