Chapter One: A Friend's Perspective
"Elizabeth, what's wrong?" asked a very concerned Rosemary, "You look like you've seen a ghost!"
Elizabeth frowned, her eyes darting, afraid to speak, afraid of what she might give away.
Fragments of her recurring nightmare flashed across her brain, spiraling her into this increasingly familiar world of chaos.
"Why is this happening? I don't deserve this! Please stop! I can't take this anymore!" she whispered.
Her entire body was shaking as she stood there in the middle of the road, in front of her own Home, saying the same thing over and over, wringing her hands with dread.
She was in excruciating turmoil, filled with wild irrational thoughts, yet forcing herself to intersperse them with rational ones.
Why Rosemary would think she was crazy, and she had her job to think about!
Little did she realize that was only one of her worries, or at least should have been.
Apparently, the townspeople of Hope Valley were getting tired of the many extravagant showy dates which were a signature courting move of Mr. Bouchard.
Needless to say, the couple was the talk of the town, with everything they did seeming way over the top!
At a time when most people saved for months just to go to the Café for a simple meal, no candles included, and that was their version of what they called 'a fancy date,' others weren't even able to afford going out at all, instead, calling it a date when they sat on the porch swing with their Girl! It was extravagance versus simplicity. And it couldn't help but be noticed.
What's more, their teacher had a fancy new wardrobe. One provided mostly by Lucas Bouchard and his taste, that made the clothes of the other women in town, and even those in the Dress Shoppe, look plain and dowdy in comparison. Elizabeth's new clothes were fancier than anything they'd ever seen, even when they were visiting Union City.
And to them, it was as though she was putting on airs!
Truthfully, the citizens of Hope Valley already felt their fancy businessman to be a cut above them, and perhaps a bit entitled. They weren't taking kindly to their down-to-earth school teacher now being in that category as well.
One of the more hurtful things that was being bandied about behind the backs of both their fancy businessman and now fancy school teacher, was something thought to be put to rest so long ago.
The Union City overnight. Lee, as school board Chair, had refused to allow discussion on the matter, passing it off as just a friendly literary outing between two friends.
But now that those two friends were officially courting, the seemingly innocent, but unchaperoned outing became much more suspect, causing a lot of new frustration and talk, leading to full-fledged gossip among the Parents and even the Children, all of which, Lucas and Elizabeth had no clue about.
To be honest, it was no longer just a school issue, as it had become a pretty standard gossip topic throughout the entire town.
People were no longer turning a blind eye and deaf ear.
They were becoming annoyed, and parents were beginning to wonder if Elizabeth was the woman they really wanted teaching their Children.
Elizabeth had changed, and her reputation was suffering.
Not only was her wardrobe different, but her demeanor was also different.
She rarely smiled.
Even her personality with her Son was different. At times she was combative, quick to anger, and often close to being neglectful as a Mother. And that was beginning to be the feeling of her closest friends, not just the gossips of Hope Valley.
The truth was Little Jack was crying all the time, and it seemed no matter what she did, nothing helped to calm him.
One day to make it up to him, she and Lucas had taken Jack on one of their many picnics, turning it into a really swanky Party for him with all kinds of fun Gifts. But the Child threw a tantrum, pretty much screaming and crying the whole time, knocking everything over in sight, leaving Lucas to never make the offer again.
Had that happened in private, it would have been bad enough.
But wealthy old Mrs. Hofstetter who lived in the big white house by the Bridge, had seen it all, and the next time she was in town, she plainly spoke the painful truth to Elizabeth, totally meaning to help.
"You know, Dear, if you took some of that time you spend with Mr. Bouchard on the Bridge, with all those fancy picnics, and spend just a bit of it with your son at home, instead, I'm sure the Toddler would be a much happier Little Boy and much easier to care for!"
"I spend plenty of time with my son, thank you! Not that it's any of your business!" Elizabeth had icily retorted, when in fact, deep down, she knew that was far from the truth.
Needless to say, that comment was also reported by a couple of the parents who were related to the elderly Lady and had overheard it, as being inappropriate and unbecoming of a teacher, especially to a sweet, elderly woman, and truthfully, Elizabeth knew they were right!
She had been totally out of line.
But, no, she did not apologize or ask for forgiveness, as now, that seemed to be something she was no longer able to do.
The truth was Elizabeth was not at all herself. Not as a person, a friend, a mother, or even a teacher!
She felt so terribly alone all the time, even when she was with Lucas.
Perhaps more so when she was with Lucas.
They were spending most of their free time together, yet all the while, Elizabeth was dealing with these upsetting nightmares that she knew to be visits from Jack.
Nothing made sense in her new upside-down world, and she wasn't enjoying her many dates nearly as much as in the beginning.
Truthfully, she wasn't appearing to enjoy much of anything, certainly not her old friends, whom she no longer had time for, nor the Hope Valley Activities she now attended as Lucas's partner, making a grand entrance on his arm, then disappearing alone for the rest of the event, leaving Lucas to manage everything alone.
They never talked or had discussions of any type; they just put on a grand show, even in their courting.
Unknown to her, Elizabeth had already lost a lot, and if Elizabeth wasn't careful, she was going to lose her teaching position too.
Children were complaining. Parents were complaining. It was only Lee who had saved her thus far and the fact that thankfully, Mr. Langley had not been around at all.
Elizabeth was self-destructing right before everyone's eyes, particularly those who loved her most.
And Rosemary had had enough.
"Elizabeth, if you won't talk to me, then you've got to talk to Lucas. I have no idea what's going on, but you listen to me. I know something bad is happening, something very terrible, and you've got to get yourself together, or…"
"Or, what, Rosemary?" she glowered at her Best Friend. "Are you threatening me again?"
"If that's what it takes, then yes, I am!"
No response, not even an acknowledgment of eye contact.
"Okay, that does it. I have been your friend, your very Best Friend through thick and thin over the years…" then she sighed, realizing they were standing in the middle of the road in front of their rowhouses, with people out on their porches and others passing by.
Rosemary cupped her hand under Elizabeth's elbow, and literally spoke her words through gritted teeth, "Your place or mine?"
"Robert's with Jack," she whispered.
"Then my place it is!" and she turned to go in, but Elizabeth wasn't behind her.
"Now! Elizabeth, this is your last chance…" and Rosemary meant it, hating to have to speak to her like a child, but she was behaving like one.
A Friend, even a very Best Friend has her limits and Rosemary had reached hers long ago.
She had given and given, not understanding anything at all, but still, she gave.
Till now, finally realizing she had nothing left to give.
Elizabeth had literally drained Lee and Rosemary of their own happiness over the last six months and left them with only intense worry about both Elizabeth's and Little Jack's wellbeing.
So much so, Rosemary had thought about calling Mr. and Mrs. Thatcher, but Lee had quickly and very firmly vetoed that idea.
"It isn't our place, Rosemary. Besides, she'll never speak to us again! And we'll never see Little Jack."
Rosemary had even discussed the situation with Bill, who was also sick with worry over Elizabeth but got his head bit off every time he tried to approach her. And at Rosemary's insistence, he had tried several times.
The last time Bill had tried, Elizabeth had yelled at him, "You just don't like Lucas! Get out Bill, just get out of my house!"
And he had, never to go back and try again.
But thankfully, he had Lee and Rosemary bring his Godson to the Café as often as they could, so they could see each other there.
It was on one of their many visits that Rosemary's heart was truly broken. Little Jack was playing with Bill and Lee in the far corner when Nathan came through the door to get a cup of Coffee.
Rosemary, along with everyone else in the Café, watched as Little Jack's face lit up, dropped his toy, and ran to Nathan.
"Daddy, Daddy. I wuv 'ou!"
Nathan had looked shocked but quickly composed himself and held his arms wide, picking up the Toddler, giving him a kiss and warm embrace.
"I'm Mountie Nathan, Jack!"
"Na'tan. Daddy."
The child was not to be dissuaded. So, Nathan sat him down and played with him a bit.
There had been moments before, but that was the moment that Rosemary had truly fallen in love with Nathan Grant as Elizabeth's Husband and as Jack's Father.
She could see it, and she knew it was meant to be. She also knew Elizabeth was in love with Nathan and had been for a very long time.
"God help us all. How has Elizabeth made such a mess?" she whispered aloud, just loud enough for only Bill to hear standing next to her, who sadly just shook his head.
There wasn't a dry eye in the Café, including Nathan's.
But today, Rosemary stomped down her porch steps, just as she saw Lucas drive up, who naturally slowed his Car and checked in with Elizabeth.
"Elizabeth, we'll have dinner tonight in my Office, half-past seven!" he said firmly.
Her expression didn't change. It was without emotion. And her voice was missing.
Rosemary wasn't even sure Elizabeth had heard him.
"Forget it, you look a mess anyway. There's no way you could change and dress properly for dinner, much less make yourself presentable by then!" and with that, he sped away.
Elizabeth just stood there like a starched rag doll, without seeing or saying anything, till Rosemary who had watched from the bottom of the steps, took her Friend's arm and practically drug her into her House.
Rosemary was livid Lucas had just spoken to Elizabeth like that, but she was even more livid that Elizabeth allowed it!
The sad thing was Lucas was right! Elizabeth was a mess. Her clothing was torn and spotted, her hair was unkempt, and she looked like she hadn't slept for days.
Ushering her into her house, she sat Elizabeth down at her kitchen table, and put on the kettle for some tea, then sat down across from her friend.
They sat there staring at each other for the longest time, till the kettle boiled and Rosemary stood up to make their tea.
When she served it, Elizabeth didn't even look up or thank her. But Rosemary was long used to that! For, thanks and good manners were no longer even expected where Elizabeth was concerned.
Instead of sitting across from her, this time Rosemary sat in the chair next to Elizabeth, took her hand, and said in an even, low-toned voice.
"Elizabeth, I love you. But this is the last time that I'm going to be here for you. Either we have an open discussion about everything right here and now, or we never speak again, except as acquaintances on the street. Those are my terms. You can take them or leave them."
Elizabeth stared at her, not believing the words coming out of her Friend's mouth, but Rosemary could tell, Elizabeth was finally beginning to understand that Rosemary meant business.
"I swear to you, Elizabeth, it's now or never. I can't go through this anymore. You're not going to ruin my life too! Or Lee's."
Elizabeth started heaving and finally, her head fell back, and she just screamed, and screamed and screamed to the top of her lungs. Painful shrieking noises, that sounded as though they would go on forever.
Even in all her years of acting, Rosemary had never seen or heard anything like it.
Rosemary sat unmoved, showing no emotion, no tenderness, no assurance whatsoever, for something deep within told her that Elizabeth herself had to get her demons out, out in the open.
Inwardly, Rosemary was crying inside as she heard Little Jack's cries next door as Robert tried to calm him, knowing the child was crying because he heard his Mother's screams through the walls.
Still, Rosemary patiently waited, as Elizabeth's screams turned to sobs, wracked sobs of helplessness and hopelessness.
Incessant sobs that flowed, and wouldn't stop.
Rosemary had never once seen Elizabeth like this, nor anyone for that matter, not even when Jack had died, not even when she was in her deepest stages of grief, there had always been a thread of control. But here, there was none, and it truly frightened Rosemary.
She got several wet cloths and laid them in front of the still sobbing Elizabeth, then she just sat waiting for the sobs to subside in their own time.
Elizabeth was still so hysterical, she didn't even realize when Rosemary left to make a call.
"Please quickly ring Lee Coulter for me at the Office."
"Lee, Honey, I need you to eat at the Café tonight. You and Bill need to do some heavy-duty praying…Yes….Yes, please. No, I'm alright. Just pray Sweetheart and have Joseph pray too."
Rosemary calmly sat back down in the chair next to Elizabeth, not sure she would know what to do, but God was telling her to simply be still. She had done what could be done. He would now do the rest, and help Rosemary when she needed it.
Elizabeth was still sobbing. She sobbed for a solid hour, till there were no tears left. Her normally beautiful face was swollen and blotched.
Rosemary had never seen her so broken or so fragile.
She took the wet cloths and laid them on Elizabeth's face, one after the other, gently wiping it.
"We're going to the Living Room, and you're going to lie down."
Elizabeth did as she was told to do, unable to speak, unable to think to question.
Rosemary helped her lie down on the couch and then covered her with a hand-crocheted afghan.
Then she pulled up a small chair and set it next to Elizabeth's face.
There was dead silence between them.
Rosemary suddenly realized her Friend was dehydrated from sobbing and left just long enough to get her a cold glass of water.
When she returned, Elizabeth was shaking, and Rosemary raised her head to a sitting position, giving her small sips of water.
She then laid the half-empty glass on her coffee table, and sat back down in the chair, waiting for Elizabeth to speak.
It took a while, but in a small, weak voice, Elizabeth finally spoke.
"I ran away from…Nathan. I loved him. I loved him…so much…I knew I couldn't…lose him. So, I ran…I ran…to Lucas. I knew I could…make myself…love him too. I knew…I could. And he would… grow…to love me. He really…would. I'd be…happy. He'd be…happy. Little Jack…happy. We'd all be…so happy."
Broken rambling, and then nothing else, but a blank stare.
After a few moments, Rosemary looked straight into Elizabeth's eyes without faltering.
"Elizabeth, are YOU happy?"
She half shook her head no.
Rosemary asked her again, and then again, and again, making her say the word out loud.
"Are you happy, Elizabeth?"
"Noo," she cried out finally.
"Elizabeth, is Lucas happy?"
She shook her head no.
"Answer me, Elizabeth, is Lucas happy?"
"No," it was there, although barely audible.
"Is Little Jack happy?"
"NO!" she screamed. "He cries…all the time. He runs…from Lucas. He hates him. Lucas tries, he buys him wonderful…presents, expensive toys, and he tries to…play with him, and hug him, but…Jack doesn't want him, he just runs away. Why would he…do that?" she sobbed, heaving heavy breaths between her words.
Rosemary put her hands in her face and finally answered.
"Because he knows his Mama's not happy, and he knows Lucas isn't happy. Don't you see Elizabeth, Little Jack knows this isn't right."
"But we're courting, I promised…"
"Elizabeth, are you and Lucas going to marry?"
"Yes," she admitted, "But I don't…want to."
"Does Lucas want to marry?"
"I don't think so, but…he's a Man of his word. He…promised me."
"Do you love him?"
"No," she barely whispered, shaking her head.
"Does he love you?"
"No…not really…he doesn't. He doesn't…know me," she whispered, but her voice grew louder. "He doesn't know me…at all. I thought he did. But, no…and I don't know him. I've tried, but…every time, I learn some…new thing…that I don't understand…or I don't like…or I don't want to know."
Her mind was remembering, perhaps for the first time facing these facts.
"Like what things?"
"He paid Christopher…to spy…on his Father."
Rosemary's mouth fell open, "Rachel's Christopher?"
She nodded yes, "Rachel made Christopher…tell Henry. But why…did Lucas do that?"
Her eyes were so sad, they were hollow, with no light, no brightness whatsoever.
They were empty.
"There's more," she offered as she looked out into space. "Too much…to talk about. Lucas is a good Man…but he's ruthless…in business, like Father. And he wants me…to quit work, and…I don't want…to quit work."
"Elizabeth, listen to yourself. You've just told me you don't love Lucas and Lucas doesn't love you, but you're going to marry each other? Elizabeth, this is ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous. Where's my spirited Elizabeth I knew and loved?"
"I don't know what to do," she said slowly, emphasizing each word.
"Well, I do!"
"What are you doing," she asked shrilly, fear in her eyes.
"Calling Lucas, the three of us are going to talk. And we're going to do it right now!"
"Please ring Lucas Bouchard at The Queen of Hearts, and tell him it's urgent! Thank you..."
"Lucas, this is Rosemary, Elizabeth is in a very bad way. I need you here at my house, now."
The two Friends sat, not saying a word to each other for the entire time they waited on Lucas.
Elizabeth had implicitly turned everything over to Rosemary. In fact, she seemed almost relieved that her Friend was now taking charge.
When Lucas finally arrived, immaculately dressed, he was cordial, but pale, not knowing really why he had been summoned, but knowing he didn't want to be here at all.
Why he couldn't fix Elizabeth's problems. He had done everything he could to make her happy. It was now up to her.
But in reality, the bigger problem was that he was walking into a situation where he had no control whatsoever, a new and novel concept for him.
One that frightened him to his core.
Elizabeth was sitting up on Rosemary's Settee by now but still covered in the afghan.
Rosemary motioned Lucas to sit by Elizabeth, and she sat back down with her chair pulled as close as she could get it.
"I'd offer you something to drink, Lucas, but we have no time for that. I have a few questions I need you to answer. Are you happy courting Elizabeth?"
And just like that Rosemary got down to business.
He hesitated enough to have given Rosemary the answer she needed, so she continued.
"Lucas, do you love Elizabeth?"
Again, he couldn't answer or even look at Elizabeth or Rosemary.
"Lucas, are you going to marry Elizabeth?"
"I was," and that was the only answer he could give.
"Elizabeth, are you happy with Lucas?"
"No."
He knew what the answer was before it was spoken, but Rosemary could tell it still stung, whether it was his heart or his pride, she wasn't sure, but that was no longer her concern.
"Elizabeth, do you love Lucas?"
"No," she whispered lowly, with eyes cast downward.
Rosemary noticed this one stung even more, clearly agitating Lucas.
"Elizabeth, are you going to marry Lucas?"
"I thought I was…but…I can't."
Elizabeth's voice was small, and the words were barely eeked out, like tiny squeaks from a mouse, thought Rosemary.
'What has become of our Elizabeth,' she frantically thought, but back to her questions.
"Then you two tell me why you are courting. Why have you not broken up?"
The Couple finally looked at each other, and then Lucas answered, very honestly, "Habit, pride. Mostly pride."
"Well, I suggest, you both break this particularly ridiculous habit and put your almighty pride away before you destroy each other, and a little boy in the process. Not to mention a few others as well! Pray tell, which one of you has the courage to break this courtship off, or do I have to do that too?"
Both were silent, but finally, Lucas took Elizabeth's hand.
"Elizabeth, I am truly sorry. This isn't working for either of us. Rosemary's right. We need to break this off and get on with our lives. We're just too different, and if you remember what I told you when we broke off things the first time, you and I both know the same thing is still true. After that one wonderful day, there's been nothing. Release me, Elizabeth, because you know I'll never have your heart."
His eyes were pleading with her.
And for a moment, Rosemary almost felt sorry for him.
The light was coming slowly back to Elizabeth's own eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Lucas. I truly am. I tried. This is my fault. But…I release you from our promise of courtship," and this was the point that Elizabeth actually stopped and drew a breath. "Please forgive me."
She took both of his hands, as he did hers, and he looked deep into her eyes, perhaps deeper than he ever had before, "I'm sorry, too, Elizabeth. Truth be told, I know a lot of this is my fault. I repeatedly pursued you when I knew all along your heart was elsewhere. I pushed and I deeply regret that. It wasn't fair to you. It wasn't fair to Nathan. It wasn't fair to Allie or even Little Jack. It wasn't even fair to me! I release you from our promise of courtship. And with time I will do my best to forgive you. Please in turn, with time, forgive me too."
She nodded and they released their hands.
"I'll go talk to Nathan," and he got up as if he was going to do just that!
"Oh no, you won't. Sit back down! I'm not finished with either of you. The two of you have put a good man through more than any human being should ever have to go through. The whole town knows it. And you both know it. Neither one of you is talking to Nathan, not now, you're not. That man needs space, and you two are going to give it to him. Am I perfectly clear?"
Even Elizabeth had never seen Rosemary so emphatic, and Lucas hadn't even come close.
Her face was stalwart and her eyes unwavering, boring into them, uncovering their guilt, laying it bare for all of them to see.
Lucas looked her up and down, "How dare you talk to me like that?"
"Because you deserve it!" she quickly and vehemently retorted.
And deep down, he knew Rosemary was 100% right.
There was silence for a moment, then he spoke and reached out his hand to Rosemary.
"Agreed. Gentleman's agreement."
"Accepted as a gentleman's agreement. I just wish you had made that agreement long before you and Elizabeth inflicted all that needless hurt on that dear man. The unnecessary comments, the flirting right in his face, the incessant flamboyant dates, the two of you telling him how to behave and how to raise this own daughter! How dare you both?"
Both looked nonplussed at Rosemary, who didn't waver.
How did she know?
She simply continued on, answering the unspoken question.
"No, he and I have not spoken, but practically the whole town has and you two need to learn nothing that's said and done in Hope Valley is private. It's all repeated and repeated some more. I'm ashamed of both of you. I'm ashamed that neither of you was an adult, and I'm appalled that you both lashed out at this man who did nothing but love you, Elizabeth. He loved you admirably, and the two of you together treated him like a leper. Don't you dare talk to Nathan. You talk to Pastor Joseph instead, or a higher power and ask for forgiveness. Because you both need it. But don't either of you dare talk to Nathan. Again, are we understood?"
Lucas hung his head because he knew it was all true.
It had been a game, and he had not been the least sportsmanlike.
He stood and calmly walked to the door, truly embarrassed, not looking back.
"Rosemary," he said curtly, with a nod, and she let him out her door, closing it firmly behind him.
Elizabeth still sat like a stone on her sofa.
"I…I had no i…idea," stammered Elizabeth.
"Of course, you didn't Elizabeth, you filled your head with Lucas Dreams, as though Nathan had never existed, and now you've lost them both."
There, she had said it, and she wasn't taking it back.
"But, I love Nathan. I truly love him. You know I do, Rosemary!"
"And I love you, Elizabeth. But you don't deserve Nathan. You don't."
Elizabeth buried her head in her arms, more miserable than she had ever been in her young life.
Rosemary sat back down beside her and put her arm around her, softening her tone.
"Elizabeth, I'm not trying to be cruel, but this using Nathan has to stop. You're in no condition to offer anything to anyone right now. He deserves the world, and a woman to truly love him for who he is, not as some pawn in a silly child's game, starring you and Lucas."
Rosemary heard and felt Elizabeth's sharp intake of breath, and firmly continued.
"You both have truly treated him horribly."
There was no response, with Elizabeth's head still buried.
"Look at me," she demanded, tilting Elizabeth's head up to face her."
"I'm going to give you some advice you're not going to like. But you're going to listen anyway, and you're going to follow it if you wish to remain friends with me."
"#1: Jack needs his mother right now more than ever. You need to provide a loving home for that child, or I'm taking him myself."
"#2: you need to build your teaching reputation back up. Parents are complaining to Lee left and right. The children, your students, are unhappy."
"You focus on those two things, Elizabeth, only those two things and you'll find yourself again. I'll be there every step of the way as long as you do those two things. The minute you don't, our friendship is gone forever."
"But, I need to tell Nathan…"
"Listen to what you just said, 'I need,' you think it's all about 'your needs' and no one else's. It's not! You yourself have shattered Nathan. You even allowed Lucas to shatter Nathan. Frankly, I don't care what your needs or Lucas's needs are right now. I care about Nathan's needs."
"But you're MY Friend," Elizabeth sputtered.
"That's exactly why I'm protecting Nathan. I know you love him, and I know he's loved you through all of this mess, but I also know it's very unlikely he'll ever have anything to do with you again. And rightfully so. I'm protecting him because I've grown to love him, but I'm also protecting him from you, in the hopes he can build himself back up so that when you both are whole again, you can approach him in a humane way, with true love in your heart, and then we can see what happens. I'm trying to give you both one last chance. You see, Elizabeth, you think this has all been about you and your grief. And because of what you've been through with losing Jack, Nathan let you get by with it. But when a woman loves a man, she doesn't just take, she gives, and then she gives some more. She gives until it hurts. Right now, you have nothing to give anybody, much less Nathan, the person you've hurt the most in the world! Look at you, you're still standing there ready to take more from him. And I won't allow it. Because I love you both too much. And right now, you can just know, I'm siding completely with him. I'll support you both, but make no mistake, I'm now on his side. Until when and if you ever truly deserve him."
Rosemary was resolute, and it was the right thing to do, even if it cost her, her very Best Friend.
"Elizabeth, you yourself told Nathan you saw him only as Jack, your dead Husband. How does a man come back from that? How? Lee couldn't. He wouldn't. Honestly, I'm not sure any man can."
Elizabeth covered her mouth and looked to the ceiling, wringing her hands, crying, "What have I done? What have I done, Dear God?"
But something imperceptibly changed in a split second.
Then Elizabeth did a very unexpected thing, as though her mind suddenly cleared and focused.
"I need paper and a pen."
Rosemary went to find them at her desk, but instead of waiting for her, Elizabeth walked to the desk after her.
"May I sit here?" she asked seemingly coherent for the first time today.
Rosemary pulled out the chair.
Elizabeth sat and took the pen, dipped it in ink, and wrote across the top of the paper,
"I, Elizabeth Thatcher Thornton, being almost of sound mind and thanks to the wisdom of my best friend, do solemnly swear the following:
#1: I will be the very best mother to Jack Thornton, Jr. I know how to be. I will lavish him with love and provide him with security. I will do everything in my power to make my child truly happy again, spending time alone with him at home, making him my first priority.
#2: I will pour myself into my teaching and be a better teacher than I have ever been, eliminating parental concerns and my pupils' unhappiness at school. I will earn their trust back wholeheartedly, and not stop till I do, making this my second priority.
#3: I have always loved Nathan Grant, I believe from the day I met him, and I always will love Nathan Grant till my dying day. I now know with clarity, You sent him to me, my gift from God. I was just too afraid to accept Your most glorious gift. I realize now, if you were to take him away from me in death, You would somehow get me through. But because I have scarred him deeply, allowing him to love me perfectly, without showing him my love back at all in any way, and in fact showing him total disdain, disregard and disrespect instead, I will pray every chance that I get for forgiveness and that I will heal and he will heal from my actions. I also pray that someday, he will find it in his heart to forgive me. That when I am whole again, we might find our way back to each other, but only where God wants us to be, whatever and wherever that is. I fervently pray for these things and will continue to pray for them incessantly, knowing I deserve none of them, and most certainly nothing from him.
My heart is shattered like never before, into a million pieces, all pieces that were once loved by him.
Please help me put the pieces back for myself, for Little Jack, and most importantly for Nathan.
He is the one I've damaged the most.
As God is my witness, I give my word, and this is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but because I love him, I will not hurt him anymore, and I will stay away from personal conversations, other than those of chance meetings which will be kept cordial and general, not at all about me, until I am completely healed and can offer him the kind of love he deserves and needs, even if only as a friend.
So, help me, God.
Rosemary watched as Elizabeth dipped her pen again and scripted in large letters, Elizabeth Thatcher Thornton.
She then signed the date below her signature.
"Let's get you home. I'll help you with Dinner and get Jack settled," offered Rosemary quietly, as she was truly emotionally and mentally drained.
"Rosemary, there's one last thing, can we sit for a moment first?"
The two sat back down on the settee.
"Jack…" she started.
"Jack's been coming to me. But not in a good way. He's coming to me every single night. And he's unhappy with me, even angry at times. I can feel his anger. He tries to tell me something. He tries his best to warn me about something. Even if I fall asleep during the day, he comes and practically wails at me. I almost can't close my eyes. Because he'll be there, and I can't bear seeing him so unhappy. So angry with me. I couldn't figure out why he was so angry. But now, I know. It's been happening since my first date with Lucas. Jack saw through what I was doing. He knew it wasn't right, and that I'd never be happy, and now I know, he was warning me in every way he could, telling me Lucas wasn't right for me. How did you know, Rosemary?"
"Sweet Elizabeth, I love you, and I knew from that very first date with Lucas you were making a colossal mistake. I knew it deep in my heart. Lee knew it. Bill knew it. Nathan certainly knew it. We all knew it."
"But why didn't you say anything?"
Rosemary's face grew tender, full of unwavering love.
"Elizabeth, each and every one of us did! Time and again. We shouted it to you. Nathan warned you several times by professing his true love, by fighting for you, by opening up to you about his innermost pain, even when you were your most hateful to him. But you turned us all away. You yelled at Nathan in front of the entire Town, Elizabeth. There was nothing left for us to do, but stand by and offer you support from a distance as we watched you spiral downward, totally on a path not meant for you."
"Rosemary, you all don't have to watch me anymore. I'm back on my path now, whatever that is. I'll eventually be fine. But I can't thank you enough for taking care of things with Lucas. I didn't have the courage, or the strength, or even the stamina. I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted. And I need to thank you for that. It will allow me to start to heal. But I also need to thank you for making me see how deeply I've hurt Nathan. It was so painful, I completely blocked it all out. Please pray for him, and have Lee do the same. I promise to talk to Pastor Joseph, too, and I'll have him pray for Nathan as well. I'll ask Bill to do the same. But Rosemary, I also need to thank you for calming Jack's spirit. I know now, because of you, my path is now headed in the right direction, and because of that Jack can now rest in peace. You see, I caused his unrest too. Just like the pain I caused Nathan, I caused Jack pain too. Isn't it ironic that by being foolish and trying to pretend something with Lucas was real when it wasn't, all to selfishly protect myself, I ended up hurting myself and the only two men I've ever loved?"
And then it hit really hard for Elizabeth, as she cried, "And our Children. Dear God, I've hurt our Children!"
She covered her face in utter shame.
"Oh, Elizabeth, with your love, the Children will recover, but don't you see the two men you hurt the most are the two men who have loved YOU completely, Jack and Nathan. They're two completely different men, but both truly loved you. Of course, they were both hurt, knowing Lucas wasn't right for you. But, Elizabeth, you have to move past your time with Lucas because that's no more. Lucas can't hold any more power over you or do any more damage. By breaking up and releasing each other from your promises, that whole scenario no longer exists. And you have to move forward, alone for now, with thoughts only of Little Jack and your School, as you get strong enough to face your future!"
"Walk home with me?"
Elizabeth couldn't bear the thought of being without Rosemary's strength in this moment.
She would adjust, but she needed her beside her now.
Besides Rosemary had work to do.
First on her agenda was getting rid of Elizabeth's entire new wardrobe of clothes, and hanging her old ones back up in her closet.
That would be the beginning of bringing the real Elizabeth back…
EPILOGUE
"Nathan, I'm truly sorry to drop in unannounced, but I really must talk with you."
His smile was gone, but he politely pulled her chair and took a deep breath in.
"I don't think this is a good idea. But if you insist, have a Seat."
"I do insist. It can't possibly wait."
He then moved to his own chair behind his new, bigger Desk, with lots and lots of Medals on the wall she had never noticed before. More medals than she had ever seen in one place, and they were impressive both in number and distinction.
"I just wanted to check in with you to see how you're doing," she asked in a very concerned tone.
"Fine. Thank you," he answered crisply.
"Nathan, we know each other better than that. There's no need for awkwardness. How are you really doing?"
"The truth, hurting, hurting terribly. But I try not to focus on that. And I most certainly don't share it. Nor do I wish to discuss it with you, of all people."
He couldn't hide his smirk, and truthfully didn't care to, as he continued in as civil a tone as he could possibly muster.
"My personal wants and needs, I suppose you could say, have been placed on permanent hold, while I concentrate on getting Allie back to herself. Her former joyful self. That's my only goal, a happy Allie. Although none of that is now your business or concern."
"That's a worthy goal, Nathan."
"As I said, it's my only goal. This whole debacle hurt Allie badly. I fell in love, but instead of being loved back, was pretty much dehumanized. I tried desperately not to show it, but as you know, my daughter is intuitive. She just knew, no matter how positive I tried to be, and it hurt her every bit as much as it hurt me. I can assure you that will never happen again. Not in my lifetime. I will now protect her every emotion, as much as within my power," his voice was steel, and the set of his jaw was stone.
"It was uncalled for her to be hurt in any way, and I'm so deeply sorry, Nathan, However, I do finally understand everything, now. I know how very deeply hurt you are. And you have every right to be. I'm so very deeply sorry for it. If I could take all the pain away, yours and Allie's, believe me, I would! What was done to you was cruel and inexcusable. I have no words to make it better. But with time, I pray you will heal. That we'll all heal. And I can safely promise this will never happen again."
"Maybe you understand now, and maybe you will heal from what you've been through. I'm just not so sure about me, but I am determined Allie will heal. Whatever it takes of me, I will see that my daughter is completely healed and she will live an extremely happy life for the few years of childhood she has left. That, I promise you!"
"As rightfully you should. I wanted to offer to help with that."
"You of all people should know that won't work. How dare you even ask," he asked incredulously.
"Maybe, maybe not, but I'd like to try. She needs female companionship of some kind. But before we finish that discussion, I have a question I truly need to ask you."
She paused, then looking directly into his brilliant blue eyes, she forged ahead.
"I know I have no right, but I need to ask you to wait, and this part is awkward no matter how it's brought up, because, as I said, I have no right whatsoever. I know that. But I need to ask you to wait…for your own good and for Allies…on entering a relationship of any kind. I need to ask you not to date or get involved with anyone. I need to ask you to not rebound as has been done with horrific consequences."
"Who are you, of all people, to ask me that?" he asked indignantly. "You have NO right to ask me anything, much less that!"
"Let's just say I'm a friend. A true friend. It's for your own good, Nathan. Will you promise me? On our friendship."
"I'm not sure we are friends. Not that it's any of your business, but I've already told you, Allie, is my only priority. Thanks to this mess, my wants and needs no longer exist. You can rest assured, I won't be putting myself through that horror again."
"So, I can take that as your word, you will not engage in a relationship without talking to me first. Or, or…at least letting me know."
"Who in the world, do you think you are to ask me such a personal and private thing as that? You do not control me. And you have no say whatsoever in my Life."
"I'm a dearer and truer friend than you know. Think about my offer to help with Allie. We'll talk about it later after you've given it some thought."
He rose, astounded at her gall, and walked to the door behind her without saying a word, hardness etched on his face, trying his best to hide his intense pain.
He had been through this before, more times than he could count. And he wasn't going through it again.
After he closed the door, he let out a huge sigh and stood gazing out behind the curtains on his front window, wondering what she was going to do. Where she was going to go. She started to walk away, leaving him feeling angrier and more confused than ever.
Outside his door, the woman paused and smiled, realizing she would do whatever it took to make this man and his daughter whole again.
Her visit had been difficult, but it was the right thing to do, and in the end, it might actually be worth her embarrassment.
But then it was as if lightning struck its mark.
She knew exactly what to do, and she wasn't at all too proud to do it.
On a dime, she swung around and opened the door again, dramatically walking right back in.
"I thought you left," he muttered, in an unwelcoming tone.
"I did, but I've come back! You see Nathan, I'm not giving up. And I've decided we're going to have a very frank discussion, not cloaked in innuendo like we…I…just did. It wasn't fair to you, or to Allie. We're going to have another, very real conversation, whether you want to or not. And we're locking the door so we won't be interrupted this time. You see, I'm going to tell you everything there is to know about everything you need to know."
He had no idea what she was talking about.
"Only if we must," he sighed resignedly, rubbing his temple, not at all sure he was ready for any of this.
Once had been more than enough.
But he pulled out her chair, once again, and with a deep sigh, motioned to her.
"Have a seat yet again!"
But then he softened somewhat.
You had to at least admire her persistence!
"Coffee this time around, Rosemary?"
"Yes, please! Lots of it!"
Nathan poured two huge mugs of steaming hot, strong coffee.
As he poured them, a real peace came over her, leaving no doubt, she was doing exactly what she was supposed to do, betrayal or not.
She voiced inwardly a prayer for strength and wisdom, that she would somehow help this good man before her understand and heal, knowing her words would matter deeply to him, and ultimately impact four lives that were very dear to her.
Deep in her heart, she believed those four lives belonged together as a Family, but that was no longer her call.
It was his.
True to her word, she began diplomatically, and in earnest, completely and only in Nathan's corner, there solely to advocate on his behalf, giving him the gift of all the information he had a right, a need, to know. Not expecting anything from him in return, for herself, or for her Best Friend, Elizabeth.
Neither realized a brand new deep and true Friendship was about to emerge between these two virtual Strangers, so different in every way, and that Friendship built on total trust would stay with them, serving them both well for the rest of their lives.
No matter what became of this Day…