Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which the Bingleys squabble and Darcy is forgotten
Meryton
Miss Bingley
Oh is it not delightful when we share these witticisms — he is so amusing — a farmer! How alike our thoughts are! Now he is to collect a glass for me before we dance together. I can see now that he felt an obligation to dance with those local nobodies first, as he was saving the remainder for me.
Darcy returned to her, bringing a glass of punch and followed by Mrs. Hurst.
"Oh, you are too kind, Mr. Darcy." She looked up coquettishly, but her face fell as Darcy asked her sister for the following dance. Left alone with Mr. Hurst, she frowned.
Mr. Hurst came close enough to whisper in her ear, "Elegance and charm," before snorting and starting to wander away.
"Hurst! Hurst!" she hissed. "Do not leave me standing alone!"
He turned and mockingly replied, "I should have asked for this dance, but think that I am neither elegant nor charming enough for you."
"You must not leave me standing alone!"
"Would you prefer that I asked you to dance? If you refuse me, you would have no opportunity to ensnare Darcy."
"I shall dance with you," she replied sullenly.
"Oh, Miss Bingley! You do honour me! Are you asking me to dance?" He feigned coyness and fluttered an imaginary fan.
"No!" Furious, she stalked away. Brother-in-law or not, I shall have nothing to do with you when I am Mistress of Pemberley.
She scanned the room for sanctuary. There is a Miss Bonnet — the impudent one. She will be flattered by my notice.
Elizabeth
"Good evening, Miss Bingley."
"Miss Bonnet." Miss Bingley sniffed.
"Are you well? Would you like a handkerchief?"
"Why should I require a handkerchief?" Miss Bingley sniffed again.
"I thought that, as you were sniffing, that you might have a slight cold," replied Elizabeth, with concern.
"You really have no conception of the best society, do you?" Miss Bingley tipped her head back and sneered down her nose at Elizabeth.
With her head that far back, 'tis a wonder that she does not fall over.
"I have not had that privilege, Miss Bingley; would you be so kind as to educate me?"
"As you will never encounter personages of that rank, it is hardly worth my time." Miss Bingley raised her nose further, looked down it at Elizabeth and sniffed.
As if returning her attention to the dancers, Elizabeth hid a smile. "Forgive me if my lack of education betrays me, but is it acceptable in the best society to ask a new neighbour if she is settling into her new home? I hope that you are not disappointed in the 'pitiful excuse for an estate'."
"We shall not be remaining at Northfield as it is quite unsuitable," sniffed Miss Bingley.
"I had understood that Mr. Bingley had rented it for a year, and that he had invited his friend, Mr. er— "
"Darcy."
"Is that the name of the gentleman from your party who asked me to dance?"
"No; that was my sister's husband, Mr. Hurst. Dearest Fitzwilliam would not dance with you."
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. 'Dearest Fitzwilliam'? "Ah, yes it was Mr. Hurst with whom I danced. You must be pleased for your sister that she married such an amusing and interesting gentleman."
"Hurst? 'Amusing and interesting'?" spluttered Miss Bingley in disbelief.
"Oh yes, he was telling me of the fashion for a new mantra in the highest society." Ah, she is too easy to tease; she looks put out to be left out.
"Ye-es," Miss Bingley paused and sniffed. "You will find that only the most exclusive balls feature a mantra."
"Would you tell me more, please; I should very much like to know of it."
"It is nonpareil, Miss Bonnet, and not spoken of outside London."
"My! Without equal? Even if I am not to know more, I am most fortunate that Mr. Hurst was kind enough to tell me that it was most elegant and charming."
Miss Bingley sniffed and frowned.
"I notice that you finger your bracelet a great deal, Miss Eliza," said Miss Bingley, changing the subject.
"Oh, I had not realised," laughed Elizabeth, purposely pulling her hand away from it.
"It must be your best jewellery, perhaps your only jewellery."
"Why do you presume that?"
"It is so ugly, with its mismatched lumps of tin, that you would not wear it unless it were your only piece."
Elizabeth's fingers drifted to the chain again, idly pulling it around her wrist. "I am rather fond of it."
"Is that a wasp? A brass wasp? Ugh, and that looks like a spider"
"'Tis a bee and a sunshine, Miss Bingley."
"You would find, in the very best society, Miss Eliza, that people do not wear wasps and spiders as jewellery."
"What a shame. I was intending to start a new fashion!"
"You! Start a fashion! None would follow you!"
"Would it surprise you, Miss Bingley, to hear that I care not?"
"Anybody who is anybody would care." Miss Bingley sniffed, yet again. "But you will not meet anybody who matters here in this— place."
"I admit to relief. I should not care to meet these anybodies who care more about my vespine jewellery than they do about their own concerns."
"But that is what one finds in the very best society — you have no idea."
"What, are they too busy talking about other people's lives to live their own? What empty lives."
"It is the best way of life, but you will never find this out for yourself."
Elizabeth had had enough and was glad to see Charlotte approaching.
"Lizzy, Miss Bingley." Charlotte greeted them.
"I am glad that you have left your gatehouse to come to the assembly this evening," quipped Elizabeth.
"As you know, Lizzy, we have to take turns to leave it as we do not all fit in at the same time; it is our younger siblings' opportunity to be inside this evening. The rest of us shall put up either here or in the carriage."
Excellent!
Elizabeth took her friend's hands. "Oh, Charlotte! You know that you are most welcome to use our stables!"
Miss Bingley narrowed her eyes and sniffed.
"Oh, Miss Bingley, do you suffer from a cold?" asked Charlotte.
Darcy
While dancing with Mrs. Hurst, Darcy caught glimpses of Elizabeth and Miss Bingley. Seeing the look on the former's face, he imagined that she was making sport of the latter. I must find out more!
At the end of the dance, he escorted Mrs. Hurst to her husband to find that Miss Bingley had rushed over. Immediately, she tried to clutch his arm.
"I do believe that you have done more than your duty, dear Mr. Darcy, by dancing with the local hussies. Do you not agree, Louisa?" She sniggered. "I hope that you do not intend to forget your closest friends."
"Caroline! Are you calling your sister a hussy?" retorted Mr. Hurst. "Come, Louisa, let us find more congenial company." He started to lead her away.
"Really, Hurst! You know that I meant nothing of the kind." Miss Bingley released Darcy's arm to remonstrate with her brother-in-law.
Darcy took the opportunity to escape. He meandered towards Elizabeth and Charlotte.
"Miss Lucas, Miss Elizabeth."
"Mr. Darcy," they acknowledged him.
"We noticed that some of your party are in disagreement," said Miss Lucas. Both women looked up at him, expectantly.
"Indeed."
"Can we persuade you to satisfy our curiosity, sir?"
"It is a private family matter, I believe."
"'Tis hardly private when they are loud enough for all to hear!" remarked Elizabeth. Darcy looked around to see many eager onlookers.
Lady Lucas bustled towards them. "Charlotte, Lizzy; what is going on?"
"Apparently, it is a private family matter," replied Elizabeth, drily.
Darcy managed not to snort.
With the other spectators, they watched Mr. Bingley approach his family and try to quieten them. He had no success. The dancers stopped, one by one, to peer across the room, and the music petered out as the musicians gradually stopped playing as they, too, looked on.
Appearing to realise suddenly that his family was the centre of attention, Mr. Bingley shooed them to the door. The noise rose as everyone had something to say to his and her neighbours. While Lady Lucas and her daughter exchanged opinions, Elizabeth said softly to Darcy, "You seem to have been forgotten."
"I find that I do not mind." Lowering his voice, he continued, "Can we leave?"
Shaking her head slightly with regret, she replied, "Lady Lucas was kind enough to bring my sisters and me here in her carriage."
Lady Lucas overhead and interjected, "Lizzy, you know full well that Sir William and I are always glad to collect you girls! Though I do hope that Mr. Bennet will bring you in his carriage when you come to Lucas Lodge next week."
Darcy watched in amusement as Elizabeth and Charlotte hid giggles. She must have told her friend about Miss Bingley's comments.
"I find myself wondering when your friends will notice that you are missing," mused Elizabeth. "You might have to walk."
"Lizzy would think nothing of walking so far, but I suppose that it is dark and you have only recently arrived," said Lady Lucas, "so, if you do not mind riding on top, Mr. Darcy, we can take you as far as the gates to Netherfield."
He bowed. "I thank you, madam. If Bingley does not send his carriage back, I shall accept with relief." The musicians restarted, presaging the final dance of the evening. "Lady Lucas, would you oblige me?" She took his proffered hand with girlish pleasure and accompanied him to join the other dancers.
Darcy looked back to see Elizabeth and Charlotte grinning with delight.
Please don't copy, but please do let me have comments/corrections 😏