It's been five months since she decided to kill 's been five months since she decided to stay in Underland.
Since she started living in Underland, she has already mastered the was wrong, she didn't control anything, because if she had she certainly wouldn't be sitting on the floor right now, and her arms and thighs wouldn't be bleeding.
She kept hearing voices in hers telling her she was ugly, fat, stupid, a disgrace to Charles Kingsleigh's it hurts as much as possible... unloved.
Yes, and she could even believe that when her own mother and sister abused her.
Not physically but that only strengthened the voices in her voices that died after she killed Jabberwocky fell silent because she found her greatness, her friends, but mostly love.
She fell in love with Mirana, the White Queen.
What had previously kept her afloat was now dragging her feelings she could not control were now choking her from tears flowed uncontrollably from her indescribable agony of knowing that no one had come to check on her in her room at the White Queen's castle all day.
Unbeknownst to her, there was a very concerned Mirana standing outside her White Queen did not know how long she had been standing there, but she wanted to knock.
Concern plagued her mind when Nivens Mctwisp told her that Alice had never been seen or heard anything from her 's behavior the last two weeks had worried her greatly, but she hadn't had time to ask the younger woman what was bothering she was angry with herself for not making time.
She was about to knock, but froze in shock at the last second when she heard a muffled wail from the other side of the door.
She opened the door quietly and was almost heartbroken by what she sitting on the ground, talking to herself with a knife in her hand.
Mirana saw the blood coming out of the wounds, saw all the scars on Alice's knew she had to take Alice's knife from the year because she was afraid of what the younger woman would do (to herself) if she saw her there.
As quietly as she could, she came to Alice and grabbed the knife from her didn't want Alice to do anything stupid, so she threw it across the hugged her her tightly to bring her some comfort.
She felt Alice wanted to get away from her, but she couldn't let was something about the younger woman that caught her , just maybe, this normally strong, brave and unfettered woman stoled her heart.
"Alice calm down it's me Mirana."Mirana whispered."Don't fight will be alright."She could feel the White Queen trying to calm her down, but Alice was inconsolable, with at least a thousand questions going through her head and ... confusion.
The confusion of what Mirana was doing here, after all, she was a certainly had better things to do than try to calm someone as irrelevant as her.
She was clearly mistaken, for Mirana began to stroke her hair and whisper comforting things into her ear.
She didn't know how long they had been sitting there before Mirana helped her up and lean on they went to the door, Mirana whispered a small but handy spell to stop the bleeding from the wounds.
Alice didn't even notice the action, she didn't want to couldn't imagine walking past so many people.
Their curious eyes and questions.
The last thing she wanted was for anyone else to empathized with her unease."Alice don't worry, we'll just go to the kitchen."Mirana spoke softly to her, not wanting to frighten Alice.
"My spell won't last forever, and don't worry, everyone's asleep, you don't have to worry about us meeting anyone."Alice was confused, and Mirana could tell."I mean the spell that made your . . . injuries stop bleeding."
"I must clean your wounds, they are not as deep as they look, but there are many."Alice could only nod at knew Mirana was right, so she went without a fight.
Alice was glad Mirana was right that everyone was asleep. In a rather tired state, she laid her head on Mirana's shoulder and let herself lead walk down the hall to the kitchen.
While Alice was calm for now in Mirana there was literally a swirl of that Alice was out of danger she could with thoughts came fear.
How long has Alice ... been cutting herself?Why is she hurting herself?Has anyone hurt her?What's wrong?With every irresponsible question she felt worse and worse.
But every time she thought she couldn't stand it, she would scream or looked at Alice and it calmed her blonde had her arm around Mirana's waist and her head on her shoulder.
In fact, she doesn't even remember when Alice put her head on her shoulder but Mirana savored the looked so peaceful and fragile that Mirana settled her new priorities and promises in her head.
Mirana promised herself that she would look out for , to protect her and keep her 'll make sure Alice never shakes a single tear in Marmoreal again.
She was jolted out of her thoughts by Alice, who asked her if they would go didn't even know how they got here, but she kept her composure and opened the door.
When they entered the kitchen Mirana motioned for Alice to sit in a became nervous knowing she had to how do you explain to someone that you've been cutting yourself for five years.
Her nervousness showed, and Mirana had an idea why.
The silence was not unpleasant, but full of Mirana finished her healing potion, she could no longer bear the silence and asked a question that made Alice tense.
"How long you . . . hurt yourself."I'm supposed to lie or tell the a moment of silence, she answered in a trembling voice."Five years."
She was worried about how Mirana would react and quite all, how do you react when your friend hurts himself?
To Alice's surprise, Mirana took it rather well, only when she helped her drink the potion her eyes betrayed were so many emotions from anger to also understanding,no condemnation as Alice had expected.
After the wounds healed, Mirana suggested they go to her chambers to went quietly, both lost in thought.
One about how to help the other. The other about whether she accepts the help.
When Mirana took her hand and led them into her chamber Alice heard voices again.
"You don't deserve this."I don't understand why the Queen cares about a worthless whore like you."Die."You're ugly."You killed Jabberwock? are so weak."
Mirana knew their conversation wasn't going well, but she didn't expect Alice to drop to her knees halfway to the couch and start sobbing.
Before Mirena could take a step, Alice began to scream.
"That's not true!Leave .No,no,no!"
Mirana hugged Alice and tried to calm her down, but Alice fought against her more than last time. But Mirana did not give up, she wanted to help her at all costs."Alice stop 't fight me,I know you think you're alone,but you're have Tarrant,Tweedles,Chess,Maly,March Hare and ... me."
Alice was still crying a little, but at least she wasn't screaming Mirana helped her up,Alice clung to her side as if for her life."Sorry."
"For what my dear Alice."For everything."
"Maybe I'm sorry you had to find out like that."
Mirana was very confused and uncomfortable with her answer, but not enough to show it or to stop her from picking up tissues and sitting on the couch with Alice.
Alice didn't cry anymore, she just White Queen's proximity calmed her and gave her the courage to speak."Mirano, let me ask you something."
Thanks to her slightly frightened tone, Mirana began stroking her hair. "What, my dear Alice."
"Will you tell anyone?"Now Mirana understood why Alice was afraid."Not unless you want it."Alice looked into Mirana's eyes and first real smile in a very long time.
Mirana was horrified to realize how many of her smiles were fake."Thank you, I suppose you have some ... questions."Alice began hesitantly.
"Yes to whom you spoke before and now."Mirana saw a dead stare in Alice's , time seemed to stand still."You'll think I'm crazy."Alice murmured.
"Of course not, why would you think that, my dear Alice."
Mirana handed her a handkerchief because Alice looked like she was going to cry wanted to cry, she pretended for so long that everything was fine, she didn't want to cut herself every night until she forgot what it was like to feel normal.
You cry, you laugh, and nothing looks so black."You know, sometimes I hear voices."Now Mirana was very, very concerned."What voices."Alice didn't know if she could tell Mirana, she thought it was crazy herself."You can tell me anything, my dear girl."
Alice took a deep breath and decided to tell her everything."Five years ago I started hearing voices telling me how worthless I was and things like first I only heard them occasionally, but they got stronger over didn't help that my mother and Margaret said the same thing."
Mirana didn't say anything because she knew Alice had to was also too horrified to speak because she knew where she was going with this.
"Once I couldn't stand it.I slammed my fist into the mirror and the voices... long after, I started cutting myself."Mirana looked at Alice in horror, expecting something like this, but she still didn't think it was all that bad.
In her dismay and shock, she didn't notice that Alice had curled up in a ball and started to cry softly.
I'm sure she thinks I'm crazy. I shouldn't have said anything. I should probably leave.
Alice started getting up, but Mirana pulled her back. She hugged her so tight, Alice wouldn't be surprised if she broke a few ribs.
"I'm sorry."Alice was did Mirana apologize for?
"What on earth are you apologizing for?"
"For not noticing I were a true friend, I'd definitely notice how you're suffering."
Alice pulled away from the embrace and grabbed Mirana's fire in her eyes, she looked into Mirana's chocolate, slightly confused eyes.
"Mirana, listen to me closely."
She waited for the White Queen to nod. What she was about to say would never be repeated.
"Mirana, just because you didn't notice there was something wrong with me doesn't mean you're not my real friend. If you weren't my real friend, you wouldn't have healed my wounds, you wouldn't have tried to help me, whether you like it or not, you saved me from hell in my head today. Thank you for that."
Alice did not realize that one of her hands had begun to stroke the Queen's face of its own volition.
Mirana was torn,Alice was so close to her lips, she could have bowed her head a little and kissed her.
She knew it was wrong to have these thoughts,but she couldn't help girl did things to her that she couldn't even begin to describe.
Her smile was warmer for Mirana than the hottest Underland and those blue that was like a mane but looked softer than about Alice made her feel while she mostly enjoyed such feelings,there was no time.
Alice felt bad because there were these thoughts wasn't self-harming thoughts,it was thoughts of her White Queen.
Her beautiful chocolate eyes, her full lips, her warm smile...No!I can't think like that.
Not that she found it all that were in Underland,anyone could love anyone they wanted, you could also be anyone you wanted.
Alice could lurch between madness and inconsolable pain, but she had no knew that if Mirana loved anyone she certainly wasn't.
Mirana looked into Alice's eyes, suspecting Alice hadn't told her 's eyes were so...so...sad.
Why? Why were they so sad?
After she learned, Alice had a lot of reasons, of course, but the White Queen saw in her eyes that there was something else.
She tensed as Alice ran her thumb over her half-open lips, watching her so closely.
She couldn't control herself when her Alice was so close. She kissed her lightly, sweetly, just once, to feel Alice's soft lips.
She felt like she surprised Alice, but the thought was quickly cornered when Alice kissed her back.
Before Alice herself realized what she was doing, she put her arms around Mirana's neck and sat on her put her hands on her hips and pulled her close, and Alice groan caused Mirana to slip her tongue into Alice's half-open innocent kiss became a battle for supremacy, which Mirana won.
The kiss lasted until Alice pulled away, because of the pure need for air. Mirana smiled at the younger woman, who rested her head on her shoulder."Alice, is that why you were sad a moment ago?"Alice asked cautiously.
She wasn't sure if Alice...loved her or sought solace in her.
She hoped for the former.
"You know what, Mirana,I'll tell you a secret."
Alice had more secrets?Mirana was really confused as to what she meant, but she nodded looked into her eyes and promised herself that she would explain her shattered thoughts.
"Yes Mirana, this is exactly why I was...sad...I love you.I've been in love with you for quite a long time,I have a lot of strong help for that would be bad in my world,but you know I've never been interested in such things."
She had to take a deep breath to say a thought because she felt sick."I love you with everything I have Mirana,but I'm can heal my wounds,but you'll never fix my you really want someone like that?"
Mirana began to sob, hearing that someone her heart desires most is herself so insecure broke her wanted to speak,but Alice continued to speak.
"Someone who has nothing to offer you except her who can't even promise to stop cutting herself because she's so weak she can't even pretend to keep that promise."
What?Mirana was stunned,she found herself disliked by such astonishment.
Mirana looked into Alice's eyes and saw that she was deadly of it, her love, weakness and doubt itself."Alice."
Miran's tone grew in confidence and enormous strength.Her beautiful,sweet Alice opened up about her secrets today, it would only be fair if she did the same.
"You told me one of your deepest secrets today, let me do the same."
Alice had no idea what secret Mirana wanted to tell her, but she felt it was important, surprisingly she didn't feel tense at all, she attributed it to being in Mirana's simply nodded and snuggled close to her.
"Alice...I've been in love with you ever since you killed the Jabberwocks.I realized my love the moment I watched Jabberwocky almost kill you at one point if it wasn't for Hatter intervening."
Alice had no idea that Mirana had feelings for her for so it hadn't been for the look of devastation she saw in Mirana's eyes, she would probably have jumped for lingered because she felt it would be inappropriate at a time like this.
"Never, you hear me I never want to worry about you like this, you understand me.I will protect you from anyone and anything they stand in my way.I will protect you from yourself because I love you."
Mirana took a breath to compose herself, for she had no idea what Alice's reaction to her next words would be.
"I know you've been hurting yourself for a long time, that you won't stop with such thoughts or actions on a day-to-day basis.I know it'll be a struggle to stop,but we'll get through this together.I'm not telling you you'll never cut yourself again,but we can talk about what's bothering you and maybe make you feel better."
Alice was quiet, thinking so hard, to the point where she almost stopped listening to Mirana, but she couldn't bring herself to do it if her life was on the line.
"I will always be there for you, Alice, even if you feel you don't deserve my love or help or anything else, please tell me because you deserve even said you can't make me a promise, but I can...I'll never shut you understand."
Alice felt as if she were falling and not falling down the rabbit hole at the same a while well, for a while knew the road to recovery would be long and winding,but she could do it with Mirana.
In her new confidence and determination, she didn't even notice that Mirana was watching her worriedly, because she thought she'd pushed her too hard.
"Good."Mirana had no idea what "good"Alice meant.
"What are you talking about, Alice?"
"I mean, we can do it together. I don't know how I know this, but finally having someone to talk to makes the whole "situation" better."
Mirana knew what she meant, but even so, for a moment, she felt confused and tired, making it harder to
perceive,what Alice was telling her.
Alice saw Mirana's puzzled expression and tried to explain her thoughts a little better.
"I mean, if I have someone to talk to, which I never had, my emotions won't choke me from the inside."
Only now did she realize how physically and mentally exhausted she looked no better.
Mirana blushed as one question occurred to wasn't sure if she wanted to ask it, because it would seem she didn't trust Alice, but she still couldn't help herself.
"Alice would like to sleep here with me tonight."
The blonde looked at the White Queen as if to make sure Mirana wasn't making fun of her and, finding nothing of the sort, said what her heart wanted most. "
"Yes, if you don't mind."
Mirana shook her head at once."Of course, never mind."
They decided to go straight to bed, mainly due to fatigue, but also to keep
Alice's freshly healed wounds from soaking.
They could burn a lot in the water, and Mirana didn't want Alice to think of anything stupid.
They changed together.
Sadness filled Mirana's chocolate eyes, looking at the scars that were almost all over her Alice, but she quickly disguised it, not wanting to upset were mainly all places that could be covered with clothes of thigh, back, arm and belly.
She had one last thought before she went to bed with Alice in her arms,how could Alice have cut her back?