Author's Note: I am reposting some of my previously removed stories. Please note they will remain largely unedited.

Prologue

September

Ana,

You know I'm lousy at writing, but I promised I would write you so here goes. I'm settling in okay I guess; it's definitely not what I expected. The only good thing is that we're kept so busy that it keeps my mind from wandering to you. Except at night; when I finally crawl into my bunk the only thing I can think of is you. No matter what happens during the day I always think back to our last night together.

I love you.

Love,
Chris

Chris,

School isn't the same without you. It's hard walking the hallways without you. I miss having you walk me to my classes and wait outside for me at the end of the day to walk me home. I miss our lunches together. I miss skipping classes together. I miss "watching" the football games with you. I haven't been able to go to a game yet this year.

I'm counting down the days until we can be together. I still don't understand why you're making me wait until graduation instead of when I turn 18 in January to be with you. We could get married as soon as I turn 18 and then we can be together. Not arguing…just not getting it.

I miss you. Hoping to be able to talk to you on the phone if you get a chance to call.

My classes this year are rough. I don't know why I let Dad talk me into taking all these college prep level classes; it's not like I'm going to college. The work load is HUGE Christian. Papers due nearly every week; lots of reading at night. I guess that's good though. It'll keep me busy while I'm counting down the days until graduation.

I love you! I miss you.

Always yours,
Ana

October

Ana,

Those college prep classes will be good if you decide to go to an online school like we talked about. I've met a few of the guys wives here and that's what they're doing. They say it's easier since they move around so much. We've talked about this, you're not dropping out of high school. You'll need the high school diploma to go to college. So keep taking the classes so when you move here you can go to one of these online schools.

Speaking of moving, they say sometime this year I'll be stationed somewhere else. No idea where yet, but I'm hoping that by the time that happens you'll be here with me so I can request housing for us. I hate sleeping in these bunks, with all these guys in the same room – it makes it nearly impossible to get a decent amount of sleep. Counting down the days until we can be together again. Has it only been 3 months since we've seen each other? It feels like so much longer.

Yours,
Chris

November

Chris,

Your letters seem to be taking longer and longer to get to me, but I'm not complaining. I love coming home from school to see a letter from you waiting for me in the mailbox. School is going okay I guess. I made honor roll again – I know you're laughing because it's really not a surprise. I'm doing what you said, I'm working hard at these classes.

I don't know if you're still talking to anyone, but Kate and Elliot broke up. That really surprised everyone including Kate. According to her he decided he wanted to be single in college rather than wait for her. She was heartbroken as I'm sure you can imagine. I spent last weekend at her house. The whole thing just made me miss you more.

My Dad's work is picking up again so he's gone longer than before. It's funny before you left, I loved this time of the year because it meant we could spend more time together since he was working and couldn't be so strict with my curfew. Now though it just makes me miss you more.

Everything makes me miss you more. 7 more months until graduation…

I love you.

Love,
Ana

Ana,

The mail here is screwed up. A few of the guys are complaining because of how long it's taking for letters and packages to get to us and for our stuff to get to you. No one seems to know why; they blame it on "increased security measures" although I have no idea what that means. It's not like someone is just going to mail a bomb to a Marine base; especially not in a small white envelope like the ones you send to me.

Elliot is a douche for doing that to Kate. I thought for sure they were going to get married; who knows maybe they still will. If not, Kate is probably better without him.

I've met a few guys in the last month and we've been hanging out. We don't get much time off the base, but when we do we take advantage of every minute. There is a small nearby town that isn't bad. It's nothing like home, but it's something different than the base. There's a few bars, a couple restaurants and a small shopping area. I found a small bookstore that you would love – I can't wait to take you there when you move here. If I'm still stationed here that is. Still no word on what's going on with that, but I'll let you know when I find out. Hopefully it won't be somewhere ice cold like Alaska; I know how much you love the snow.

Miss you and love you more than you know.

Love,
Chris

December

Chris,

PLEASE NO ALASKA! UGH, even though I hate the cold and the snow, if it meant being able to be with you I would jump on the next plane and fly there in a heartbeat. I miss you terribly Chris. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would be tough, but I had hoped the months would pass by quicker if I was busy. Instead they just keep dragging on and on. Did I tell you I'm crossing the days off my calendar until we can be together? It's been six months, so we're survived about half the time so far.

Do they do anything for you for the holidays? I'm dreading Christmas. Thanksgiving was hard enough without you here. Of course everyone asked about you, even though Dad told them all where you were. They still asked, like they wanted to remind me that you weren't here. Everyone says how proud they are of you. Have I told you I'm proud of you? I don't think I have; I think I've been too selfish to tell you that.

I'm proud of you Christian.

I'm proud of you for knowing what you want and going for it.

I'm proud of you for going after your dreams and making your life better.

I'm proud of you for wanting something you never had.

I'm proud of you for doing something new, even though it's hard and you didn't know anyone.

I'm proud of you.

I still miss you, but I'm going to try to do better at remembering this isn't about me.

I love you,
Ana

Ana,

This is just as much about you as it is about me. I'm doing this for us. I'm doing this so we can have a future together. The future you deserve. The future I've always wanted to give you. This will allow me to give you that. I know this is hard for you baby, but I promise you in the end it'll be worth it. One day, years from now, we'll look back and realize that this time just flew by and it'll be a distant memory.

They try to make the holidays here special, but nothing compares to spending it at your house with you and your family. It's not the same. I almost wish they wouldn't do anything instead, that way we're not reminded of what we're missing. Think of me when you wake up on Christmas morning; know that you're the first thing on my mind every morning and the last thing I think of before I close my eyes at night.

Your words meant everything to me Ana. I needed those more than you know.

Love you.

Yours,
Chris

January

Chis,

My Dad bought me a car for Christmas! Can you believe it?! I was so excited I thought I was dreaming! He's convinced I'm going to need it for college. He doesn't listen when I tell him I'm not going. That I'm leaving right after graduation to be with you. It doesn't matter – the car will be great to have when I move in with you since you sold your truck.

I have a gift for you, but I'm afraid to mail it and have it not get to you. I'm going to hold onto it and bring it when I move to the base with you. Dad says we might not get housing right away and that we should prepare for that. Do you know how that works? I'm not worried, I'm sure we'll figure something out. I have some money saved so even if we have to rent a cheap apartment until housing comes through. Just as long as we're together it'll be worth it.

School starts back up tomorrow, as much as I'm dreading it I'm kind of looking forward to going back. Being off of school for the break was nice, but I hate sitting around the house all day. It makes me think of you and think of all the things we would be doing if you were here. I started a list of all the things I want to do when I see you again. Want to know what the first thing is? I want to fall asleep with your arms around me like we did the last time we saw each other.

I miss you. I miss your arms around me. I miss you kissing me. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you.

But you're right, this is all going to be worth it. 5 more months!

I love you,
Ana

February

Chris,

I haven't heard back from you; did they station you somewhere else? Do they warn you when that's going to happen? Do they forward your mail like they do when you move houses? I guess I need to figure out how the Marines work before June right?

My birthday was okay. Kate and I went to a concert and then went out to dinner at some fancy restaurant with her parents. It was nice, but I'm looking forward to spending my next birthday with you.

School is going good. The classes are keeping me busy but I'm glad I stuck with the college prep ones like you told me to. Being busy is helping pass the time.

Hope to you hear from you soon. I know you're busy…just stay safe Chris. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you.

I love you.

Yours,
Ana

March

Ana,

You don't know how hard this is to write. I hate the thought of hurting you but I need to be honest. I won't lie to you. I won't do that to you.

So here goes.

I've met someone. I didn't cheat on you, Ana I swear. I know that's what you're thinking, but please don't. Nothing has happened between us. We met and we've done nothing but talk. But…Ana I want more with her and she wants that with me. I want to try. I have to try.

I'm sorry Ana. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you.

Chris

Chris,

Please tell me that the last letter wasn't from you. That some guy you met wrote it as a cruel joke. That even though it's in your handwriting that it's not from you. Please tell me it's anything but from you.

What happened to waiting for me? You promised me that this year wouldn't affect us. You promised me that we'd be together as soon as I graduated from high school. You PROMISED Chris! You've never broken a promise to me. How could you do this?

Please tell me how to fix this.

I love you. I'll do anything , ANYTHING! If I thought I could get onto the base, I would fly there right now and demand you tell me what's going on.

Please Chris, please tell me it's not over.

I love you. That hasn't changed and never will.

Always yours,
Ana

Ana,

I'm sorry. The last letter was from me and is true. I know this hurts you. I know you don't believe it but hurting you is hurting me. But this is something I have to do. I want you to be happy Ana; please find someone to make you happy again. I want you to find the happiness that I've found.

Take care,
Chris

April

Chris,

Tell me it's not too late. Tell me that she's not what you want. Tell me that you thought she was what you needed because I wasn't there. Tell me that you went to her because you missed me. Tell me…something Chris. Anything to make this not true.

I love you. I will always love you.

I won't like it, but I'll understand if something happened between the two of you because I wasn't there. We could work through that. I swear we could. Just please, don't give up on us.

Forever yours,
Ana

Ana,

Please. I hate thought of continuing to hurt you. Please don't make this harder than it needs to be. I am so sorry it has to be this way.

Take care,
Chris

Chris,

I'm not making this hard! I'm not the one who promised to be there. Who promised that nothing would keep us apart. Who promised that this year would be nothing. Who promised to wait for me. Those were YOUR promises Chris. YOU promised me all those things.

I LOVE you. That hasn't changed and never will. I don't understand who it can change so quickly for you. I don't understand how you can move on so quickly. How you could even think about being with someone else. Because for me, there is no one else. I haven't so much as looked at another guy since you left.

Please don't let this be the end of us.

I love you.

Always,
Ana

Ana,

This will be my last letter to you. I don't want to keep hurting you and I'm afraid that every letter I send you is hurting you even more. I think it's preventing you from moving on, from finding someone to make you happy.

I've found happiness Ana. I'm in love with her and we're getting married in a couple of weeks. It wasn't planned and we didn't do this to hurt you. She's pregnant Ana. You of all people know that I can't walk away now. You know I said if I were to ever have kids that they would have two parents who love them. Two parents who will raise them together. Two parents who will show them what love is supposed to be. I can't walk away from that. Please Ana, please don't ask me to do that.

Please Ana, I know this hurts now but please find a way to move on. I want more than anything for you to find someone who loves you. Someone who deserves all the love you have to give. Someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Someone who will give everything up for you.

I know you hate me right now and I don't blame you. I hate myself for hurting you like this. I wish things could be different. I wish life wasn't so hard, so unfair.

I've received my notice, I'm being transferred next month. This is going to sound horrible, but I'm not going to give you the new address. I don't want you to write to me Ana. I think it's going to keep you from moving on. I think it's going to stop you from finding someone who is perfect for you. I don't want to be the cause of any more of your hurt.

Please Ana, please try to find the happiness you deserve.

I'll never forget you.

Take care of yourself,
Chris