This was weird. Even for Archer, and he's been through some of the craziest shit both in real life and in his coma.

Come to think of it this was all pretty coma-y. One minute he was literally risking his life to save the world from a catastrophic natural disaster. The next he was sitting in an admittedly fancy and comfortable chair in front of some nun girl, whoever she was, in some giant starry space. Oh and he was wearing his indoor clothes for the base instead of just his boxers from his recent dive in freezing waters.

"Uh... Alright I'm just gonna ask it, what the shit is going on?" The spy's language surprised the girl.

"Um-"

"I mean, I'm a hundred percent positive that I was quite LITERALLY saving the world from a global disaster in Antarctica. Not having a staring contest with Blandina Segale's kid sister."

"Who's-?"

"I mean, did I die in saving the world? Did we screw up and and the world flooded anyway? And if I did die, why am here? Is this heaven? Because I have some concerns about the morality of god if I managed to get in to heaven."

"Excuse me."

"But there's no way this is heaven. But it can't be hell either, because the unspeakable is not currently happening to my body."

"Can I-"

"But if I did die then why was I flashing back to my coma dreams so much back there? Oh god!"

"Mister Ar-"

"Am I STILL in the coma!?"

"Mister Archer!"

"WHAT!? GOD!"

"*Ahem* Well Mr. Archer, first, allow me to say that despite how you were in life you've done more than enough good to earn a place in paradise."

"Oh, well that's some good news. So what, am I actually dead or have I been in the coma the whole time? Because that would explain a lot things that happen in the last couple of hours I've been through. Also, who the hell are you?" Archer asked relaxing back into his chair.

"Uh, well, My name is Eris and I am a goddess who is currently in charge of guiding souls to the afterlife. And about you, well you see..." Eris shuffled in her seat nervously. That didn't sit to well with Sterling.

"Just spit out I'm sure it's not that bad. Although, I say that a lot, and it very often does turn out to be that bad."

"We don't exactly know how you're here." Eris said with a nervous look.

…

"What the hell do you mean you don't know? If you're an actual goddess shouldn't you be all knowing or some bullshit!? Also, Eris? Why would the bitch goddess of literal chaos and strife be in charge of supposed dead people?" There was no better time for him to be drinking but he didn't have a flask on him.

"It's not that simple! And please don't bring up my Aunty in such a way, she serves a very important role in the universe."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure kick starting the Trojan war for shits and giggles was integral to reality."

"She was going through a phase! Can you please listen?"

"Fine. So what, how do you not know why I'm here? Tell me, did I die or not? Also, is there any alcohol here?"

"I'm afraid there isn't any. We still aren't sure. From what we were able to gather you have nearly died, and actually did die, so many times that enough of you was able to arrive here. Despite still being alive back on earth." Eris's words made Sterling raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"And not just on earth, but we think some of your dreams in the coma were actually different realities overlapping." That would explain why some of them felt so real.

"So what does that mean, am I stuck here?" Because that would suck.

"Well if you like you can go back right now, or since you are here there is another option. If you are interested." She said with a small smile.

"Alright, what's the other option? Is it a free tour of the afterlife before I head back to freezing my nipples off in Antarctica?" Archer asked, once again making her uncomfortable with his crass language.

"No, actually. If you choose the second option you will be sent to another world to help save it from the Demon king. And once he is defeated or you die you will return to Antarctica right when you lose consciousness." She said.

"So I basically get a free Tolkien-esque fantasy adventure? Count me in!" Archer said with excitement.

"That's good to hear. and since you chose to go to the other world you will be allowed to take a boon item or ability you like." Eris said presenting the spy with a catalog of various types of boons.

"Nah, I'm awesome enough without any McGuffins. Although, is there any chance you can fix my body? What with the tinnitus and the three year coma I'm not exactly in top shape. As much as I absolutely hate to admit it." He said with some lament.

"Of course, but I would have done so anyway. So you still get to bring something if you like." Eris said handing over the book of items.

"Fine whatever, but before I decide on anything to bring would you explain how things work over there? Like money, languages and whatever. And since I have the chance to ask this, who is actually in charge? You know, which religion or fringe cult got it right? And hopefully not Lovecraft." Archer asked wanting to know who really runs the show in the afterlife.

"Technically they all did, except for him. certain gods are in charge of different regions and head position in heaven regularly rotates between the most prominent of the world." Turns out it was at least somewhat simple.

"I guess that makes sense. So what about this other place?" he asked getting back on topic.

"Well I suppose I can answer that question with this question: have you ever played any roleplaying games?" Archer in fact was an avid game and arcade enthusiast.

"Hmm. So less Tolkien and more Gygax I assume?" He asked flipping through the pages.

"I guess it can be put that way. The adventurers guild should help you get started when you register with them. While the language is close to English I will insert it into your mind for the written aspect. As for money they use one currency called Eris all over, and its similar to yen instead of dollars or euros."

"Sounds great, but none of these are speaking to me. Can I make up my own thing to take, something more kickass and less generic fantasy trope?" He asked tossing the book aside.

"I suppose, but it will depend on what you come up with." She said with some worry. After all, her senior had approved of some frankly bizarre tools and abilities people came up with on the spot. And look how they turned out.

"Well I'm thinking something more entertainment based. Since all the tools I've seen are based on ass-pull mcguffans I might as well take it to the next level and bring a magic satchel that lets me pull out literally anything I want. Weapons, clothes, pointless novelties, stuff from my coma dreams, the works."

Eris looked rather conflicted. "I suppose, as long as you your fine with not being able to pull other sacred treasures."

"Like I said: I'm awesome without them. This is for fun." Archer said with full confidence.

"As you wish, I present to you your treasure." Light shined in the room and then in the middle was a high quality gray and black leather messenger bag.

"Nice." Archer took the bag floating in the air and tested how it felt. First hanging from his shoulder and and then adjusted it it rested on his back. He found that no matter how he wore the bag it would sit comfortably.

"This fits pretty good. Oh yeah, what about fixing my body?" Archer asked fixing the bad once again to hang from his shoulder.

"That will happen when you enter the next world." She raised her hands and light surrounded the spy. "I wish you luck on your adventure, Sterling Archer."

"Wait one last-"

When the light subsided Archer was standing in a plaza.

"Shit. Should've asked who my real father was first."

Around him people were going about there business in what he could only describe as typical fantasy civilian garb. He also noticed his body felt great. No residual pain from his formally damaged nerves and no ringing in his ears. He tested every reflex and motion he was able to do before his coma. And he felt almost giddy at regaining his peak physical condition. With that out of the way there was one more thing he needed to test. His sacred treasure. He flipped open the bag reaching inside, despite it feeling positively empty of items.

And pulled out a silver flask and a small note.

'Dear Mr. Archer, just so you know, only you or someone you trust or give permission to will be allowed to pull out items from the bag.

-Eris.'

"Pretty smart." Archer gave his compliments to the goddess while twisting the flask open and drank its contents.

*Sigh* "Glengoolie. For the best of times." He put the flask back in the bag, feeling it disappear.

"All right fantasy world, It's Archer-time! Now let's go find the adventurers guild." It didn't take long for the world's greatest spy to figure out exactly which building it was. After all, it would be pretty hard to miss a place where people were going in and out wearing full battle gear. He entered and walked towards the reception counter. Where a blonde with INSANE boobs was working. And her uniform was just...'I'm gonna love it here.'

"Excuse me, my name is Sterling Archer. I am here to register to be an adventurer." Archer said putting just a bit of charm into his tone. New world and fully functional body, meaning it was time to bang fantasy tropes. Or at least flirt with them until he finds if this world discovered and understood what condoms are.

She smiled politely but he had plenty of experience to know she caught on to his tone. And that she was interested.

"Of course, but you should know there is a small fee of 2000 Eris to get your adventurer's card." Archer hummed, remembering how the currency translated to what he was used to. So it was about 20 bucks. He reached into his bag again and pulled out a small number of gold coins and handed it to the receptionist.

"Does this about cover it?"

She smiled again. "Perfect. Now if you could place your hand over this to read your stats." She directed him to some intricate magic looking item. He held his hand above it as instructed and it activated. Various moving parts and lasers later and his card was finished after about a minute.

"Now lets take a look and-my goodness!" She practically screamed when she saw his card, calling the attention of the other guild patrons.

"This is amazing! All your stats are incredible, especially your strength and intelligence. Your luck is absolutely insane! With these stats you can pick any advanced class and you have enough points for almost every skill there is!" Everyone listening whooped and hollered at Archer's stats.

"I already know I am awesome. So give me the rundown on these skills and classes." After a quick explanation of how to use the card to allocate points to skills and that he was currently an adventurer he could learn any skill before picking the class he wanted.

"All right. Let's knock all the basic skills out of the way first." Archer to everyone's surprise spent his first points on all the starter skills from enemy detection to the basic spells. He even snagged cooking and smithing.

"He's not gonna save his points for higher tier stuff?"

"I mean they are his points, but still."

The murmurs were not unheard by Archer.

"I'm guessing there is something wrong with my method of point spending?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it's just that nobody really needs the basic skills or spells so they avoid them all together to spend on more advanced skills." the guild lady said honestly.

"Then you're all dumb as shit." Archer said. To the shock of every adventurer.

"How so?"

"Well, sorry what was your name?"

"Luna."

"Well Luna, for starters here is a fact of life for everyone: You don't get to the highest levels of... whatever the hell you do without the basics." Prompting more murmurs from the guild and catching the interest of a certain tracksuit wearing teen and blue haired archpriest.

"Honestly, think if you have to start a campfire. Well guess what? Your dumbass is stuck smacking rocks or rubbing sticks together and can't use tinder. Why? Because you wasted all your points on some ridiculously expensive skill that you probably won't even be able to use unless in really specific situations." Every adventurer realized he was right. That would be easier. Then again he could just pull matches and lighter fluid out no problem, but he won't tell them.

"Or how about this; you take a long mission into a sun-blasted shithole of a desert and run out of supplies and life saving water. Too bad you don't have create water to fill your canteens, because again you spent your points on something else. And that's why you died in the desert." Their throats all collectively dried at the thought. Again he could just pull out a fresh canteen anytime.

"What if you need to make quick fixes for your gear? Guess you gotta spend hard earned Eris for some chips and dents instead of saving it for serious breaks and doing it yourself." They knew that pain.

"I got more. Your out in the middle of the night, it's pitch black, and have no way of knowing what might be around. So much for having detect enemy and second sight, no way to avoid the unspeakable that will definitely happen to your body." Many of them pulled out their cards at this point and intermingled with each other for various skills. The sight gave him a nice chuckle.

"All right, I'll stop making you guys feel stupid for now. In the mean time since I still have the basic adventurer class I'd like to allow anyone who has advanced jobs to share their skills before I rank up. Another benefit of the starting class, I get to make myself even more of a badass job with skills from every other job." Having said that he gathered every adventurer with the job he needed to build his own job tailored to his preferences.

First up was an Archer, which was decided first because it was literally in his name. While he was definitely able to use any weapon regardless of the proficiency skill apparently it made it easier. The skill system didn't make a lot of sense to him. But he still learned every skill the man had to offer. Then he continued with the other rogue class, thief. But no one was a dedicated thief so he couldn't get every single skill. Next up were any fighter jobs that were present. He got one and two handed weapon proficiencies as well as light and heavy armor from a knight. Then he moved on to every Berserker skill he could get.

And he was particularly excited about the Rampage skill.

He didn't really have any interest in the mage jobs other then the intermediate magic skills. Same with the cleric type jobs, only grabbed the basic and intermediate skills. They felt more like Cyril and Krieger's taste than his. After he was satisfied with the skills he acquired he decided on which advanced job he would move up to.

Assassin, with every single skill.

"And with all of your poorly used skills in my possession, combined with my incredibly awesome job transfer, you have all just witnessed the creation of the brand new assassin subjob that I hereby dub the Spy. And I in fact am the world's greatest spy." Archer said holding out his card for them all to see.

"I kinda hate how he talks about us but that's pretty cool."

"He's definitely a jerk but I can tell he'll be fun to hang around with!"

"This ass might even be able to take on the demon king!"

Soaking in the praise and cheers Archer decided the best way to celebrate was to do what he did best.

"Alright assholes, drinks are on me!" More cheers erupted with the loudest coming from the blue haired priest. The party that ensued carried on into the night. During which he cemented himself as the strongest drinker in Axel. After it died down a bit he realized he there was someone else that didn't quite belong here. Something that reminded Archer of himself, even if there was clear difference in awesomeness and handsomeness. For one he looked strikingly Japanese, and two he was wearing of all things a green tracksuit. His drinking buddy was something else too. One look and he got the same annoying useless vibe Cheryl/Carol has.

So he decided strike up a conversation.

"Hey kid, you and blue got names?" He sat down with them with his mug of beer. To the surprise of the black-haired teen.

"Uh, I'm Kazuma. And over there is Aqua." He said, gesturing to the girl lying facedown in her mug. "She's pretty useless."

"I could tell walking over here. So... you're Japanese?" Archer asked drinking more of his beer. Kazuma reeled back a little bit at the question.

"You know?"

"World's greatest spy kid. Hair and eyes are distinct but the tracksuit and was a dead give away. That and your name just now." Archer pointed out.

"So you were sent here too? But I thought only people from japan get reincarnated, you look and sound American." Kazuma asked the spy.

"Yeah well I'm kind of a special exception. I'll tell you about when I can make sense of it." He didn't want to bore him.

"So what did you bring as your McGuffin? Not seeing some fantasy trope on you." Kazuma scratched his head glancing towards his comatose companion. That got a snort out of Archer.

"Her. Seriously?"

"Well, it happened like this." He went on to explain what went down between him and Aqua in the room after he died and how she treated his death and laughed at him. And what he did to get back at her. Once he heard that Archer started laughing like crazy. So much that he woke Aqua.

"HAHAHAHAAA! HOLY SHIT! That is classic! Oh man, good on you Kazuma. I had a feeling I'd like you, but you got some serious balls to do what you did." It was the first real compliment the teen received since he arrived in this annoying fantasy world.

"Ugh, what are you guys talking about?" Aqua asked through her haze.

"Nothing, you dumb idiot."

"Hey!"

"Ignore her. Since you don't have a place to stay you can crash with us. We're renting a spot in a stable near by till we get more cash from quests for a better place." Kazuma offered. Hearing that Archer finished the last of his beer.

"Why not, stayed in way worse places. Why the offer though?" Even Aqua was curious. He turned down her every attempt at recruiting from the guild.

"Well we really need more party members and you are from earth too so it makes some sense." Archer saw the logic in that. He agreed and followed them out towards their place. But not until he opened a tab with the guild to pay them back later. Archer may be a dick, but he did say the drinks were going to be on him.

"Alright, looks like this dnd rip off is getting on road." Archer said to them as they walked of into the sunset... to a horse stable.

Happy new year everybody. hope you enjoy this new story im doing.