Title: Giving Things Time
Author: PreppyPrincess5103
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)
Notes: Yes, I made Harm resign his commission. That's not going to change in this part. If you absolutely can not fathom Harm doing anything besides being a Naval Officer, I would recommend not reading any further.
Part One
Harm set his laptop aside and went to answer the door. Sturgis was on the other side, and Harm greeted him with a smile. "What are you doing here?"
Sturgis gestured at the apartment and Harm opened the door wider. "It's nice to see you too." He dropped his hat and keys on the counter and studied Harm. "You're the talk of the office this morning."
He groaned and went to the fridge. He pulled out two water bottles and handed one to Sturgis. "Figures. She won't tell anyone that we're dating, but she has no problem telling everyone that I resigned my commission."
Sturgis raised an eyebrow. The bitterness in his friend's voice was hard to miss. "She didn't tell everyone. Apparently, someone at the personnel office knows a staffer at headquarters, and the gossip spread just fine on its own." He opened the water and took a swig. "I think it's safe to say we were all pretty floored."
Harm sighed and leaned against the counter. "I know it came as a surprise. Mac is barely talking to me. Those two weeks in Florida were not what I had been looking forward to."
Sturgis frowned. "Why is she barely speaking to you?"
"She thinks I did this so it'll be easier for us to be together, so she thinks I'll wake up one day full of regrets and will blame her for it, and that'll be the end of our relationship. I don't think I ever really understood how insecure she is until now."
Sturgis raised an eyebrow. "It's hard to picture her as insecure. Is that why you did it? For her, I mean."
"No," Harm said, shaking his head. "I would have if she had asked, but no. I did this because I'm tired, and I'm burnt out, and I want to do something different at this point in my life. It has nothing to do with her."
"She'll come to terms with it eventually," Sturgis offered.
Harm shrugged. "I hope so. The past two weeks have been… unpleasant. We've been tense, and overly polite. We haven't - never mind." Harm groaned as Sturgis bit back a smirk. "We've barely been intimate since I've been back. I'm at a loss as to what to do next."
Sturgis smiled sympathetically. "Just give her time. Maybe once you get settled in a new career and she sees that you're happy, she'll handle it better." He took another swig of his water. "So, what are your plans?"
Harm grinned and went for his notepad. He began to tell Sturgis about all of the various ideas floating around his head. "There's even an abandoned airfield in Falls Church that would be perfect for a flying school or just a hangar for people to board their planes. I'm trying to find out who owns it and how to go about buying it."
"What about a law practice?"
"I'm working on that. I want to do mostly pro-bono work, but I will need to bring in an income. So now I just have to decide if I want to open my own practice, or join a practice that's open to me doing mostly my own thing." He looked at the legal pad one more time and dropped it on the counter. "I've got a few other things I'm thinking about, but I haven't done any of the leg work on them yet. So, we'll see."
Sturgis grinned. "Well, at least you've got some kind of a plan. Mac made it seem like you had completely gone off the deep end."
He rolled his eyes at that. "She thinks I have."
Mac unlocked the door to her apartment and was greeted by the smell of ginger and curry paste. She took a deep breath before walking inside. She took her time taking off her hat, and hanging up her coat before making her way into the kitchen. She watched Harm cook for a moment before saying anything, admiring the way he looked in jeans and a long-sleeved gray t-shirt that hugged his well-defined muscles. "Hey."
He turned at the sound and greeted her with a smile. "Hey. You're home early." He put the knife down and wiped his hands on a dish towel before making his way to her. He put his hands on her waist and brushed his lips against hers.
She pulled back after a moment and rubbed her damp palms against her skirt. "I better go change."
"Mac-"
She shook her head. "I'll just be a minute." She hurried away from him and entered her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She sat down on the edge of the bed and took a few deep breaths before standing up and taking off her uniform. Her skirt and pantyhose were off, and she had just started on her blouse buttons when the door opened.
"Hey Mac?" He stopped talking when he saw her, and her fingers froze on the buttons. She could see the desire in is eyes and she swallowed. He stepped closer and cupped her face. "Hi."
She gave him a nervous smile. "Hi." She cleared her throat. "Did you need something."
'You,' he wanted to say. 'I need you, and I need you to have the same faith in us I thought you did before.' His tongue darted out to moisten his lips and his thumb rubbed over her cheekbone. "I was going to tell you that I forgot to grab the rice noodles for the curry."
"Oh."
His thumb continued to caress her cheekbone and his eyes never left hers. "Dinner can wait if you want."
She closed her eyes for a moment and then forced herself to take a step back. "I'm pretty hungry, Harm. Let's go ahead and eat. I think there is some brown rice in the freezer we can heat up to have with the curry." She clenched her hands into fists to keep them from trembling.
The desire left his eyes almost instantly, and she could tell from the tightening in his jaw that he was clenching his teeth. "Rice it is." He left the room without another word.
A few minutes later he heard her door open and looked up and she headed towards the kitchen. She looked insanely comfortable in a long sweatshirt and a pair of black yoga pants. He studied her face for a moment, and wanted to scream. She looked anxious and insecure. He could handle her when she was sad or pissed off. But this was a side of her he didn't have any experience with, and he had no idea how to get them through this. "Ready to eat?"
She nodded. "Yeah. It smells great." He plated the food, and she went to the cabinet to pulled out two glasses, and filled both with ice and water. He placed the bowls on the table, and grabbed cutlery, while she grabbed napkins. They sat at the same time, and she offered him a slight smile. "Thanks for dinner, Harm."
"You're welcome, but you don't have to thank me." She nodded and he watched as she took a bit of her meal. He knew this was one of her favorite dinners, and watched as she closed her eyes and savored the bite. "Is it as good as you remember it?"
She nodded. "It's better than I remembered."
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Finally, he sat his fork down. "Sturgis stopped by my place today." She looked up, and he continued. "I hear my news is all over the office."
She rolled her eyes. "It is. Having everyone talking about it when I walked in this morning was pretty surprising."
He picked up his fork and pushed a strip of bell pepper around the bowl. "Since I'm not coming back to JAG, you can finally tell people we're dating."
She bit her bottom lip and put her fork down. "Harm, my personal life is no one's business."
His eyes narrowed and he leaned back in his chair. "Are you ever going to tell people? Or will you always have a reason not to?" Her sigh was weary and his anger dissipated slightly. He scooted closer to her and picked up one of her hands. "This isn't a fling. This isn't casual. And I've got to tell you – it hurts that I want to tell the whole world about us, and you don't want to tell the people you work with. What's going to happen when I propose? Are you not going to wear the ring to the office? Will you not invite any of them to the wedding? And what about Thanksgiving? When people ask what your plans are will you lie? Ignore the question? Change the subject?"
Her eyes filled with tears, and she tugged her hand back. "Harm, about Thanksgiving. I don't think-"
"No." His eyes were cool and his voice was firm. "You are not backing out of going to the farm with me."
She gave him a brittle laugh. "Harm, things aren't great between us at the moment. You haven't seen your family in a while, and I don't want this tension between us to ruin their holiday. It'll be better if I stay here."
He shook his head, and pulled himself up before kneeling in front of her. He put his hands on her thighs and squeezed gently. "Things are tense because you think I resigned for you. I don't know how many different ways I can tell you that that isn't the case. Things are tense because you're convinced I'm going to blame you for this one day, and we'll be finished. Jesus, Mac. It's like you're already preparing yourself for this to end. Or maybe you're trying to get me to break up with you now." He squeezed her thighs again. "Sweetheart, that's not going to happen." He nudged her legs apart and moved between them. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and rested his head against her chest. He smiled when he felt her fingers run through his hair, and then linger on his neck. He raised his head to look at her. "Please have faith in us. In me."
"I'm trying." She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I am. It's hard. Most of me is so sure you'll wake up one day and realize this was not what you wanted."
"Mac, if I do decide one day that this was a mistake, I will not blame you. I'll chalk it up to an early mid-life crisis. I will never blame you for anything I do. Ever. I love you, Sarah."
"I love you too." She took a deep breath. "Will you do something for me?"
"Anything."
"I think you should talk to a therapist. About your dad. About this potential early mid-life crisis."
He forced back the urge to roll his eyes. "I will if you will." He felt her tense, but continued. "Mac, there is no reason for you to be this anxious and insecure. I've never given you any reason to doubt me. We both have issues to work though, and I agree that talking to someone might help. But I'll only do it if you will." He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "What do you say?"
She nodded. "Okay. I'll make an appointment with someone for after Thanksgiving."
He instantly felt lighter and smiled. He stood up and went back to his chair. The curry had gotten cold and the few remaining bites were unappealing. He stood, and carried his dish to the sink. He stored the leftovers in the fridge and put his rinsed off dishes in the dishwasher. He turned to look at her, and watched as she ate a few more bites and then brought her own dish to the sink. He took it from her, and set it down. His hands immediately went to her hips, and he buried his face in her neck. "Can I spend the night?"
His voice came out as a whisper, and the instant jolt of arousal was nearly overwhelming. "Yes," she said softly. He pulled his face back to look at her, and their eyes locked. "Do you want to go to bed?"
Her own voice was low, and he hardened instantly. It was barely 7:00, but he knew that her suggestion of going to bed had nothing to do with going to sleep. "Yes."
End Part One