"Live Your Life"

Author: carmen_085

Disclaimer: I do not own any "Rookie" Characters. All original characters are mine

WARNING: This story just like my last one is rough and raw, definitely not ABC material. Intermittent harsh language, violence, suicide, CHARACTER DEATH, and GRAPHIC 9/11 References. If any of this bothers you, you HAVE BEEN WARNED !

Author's Note: This is my sequel to "Sally in the Alley". If you have not read that story you may be a little lost for this one. Please read and review as always ! Another Western epic for our favorite couple !

Summary: The prairie sky darkened as the house came into view, deep in the backcountry of Montana. Lucy exhaled, they could do this…they had done it before, the three of them. They were here for the girl and her boy…and they wouldn't go back without them.

Chapter One

"This hurts like hell but it feels right

Far's I can tell you've made your mind

I'll wish you well but won't be on the other side

Biding my time

Live your life"

Lucy Chen stared at herself in the mirror as she smoothed out her uniform. It had been three years since she first set foot in Mid-Wilshire. She was so fucking stupid back then. All she wanted was to prove her parents wrong like some teenager without a brain. Show them that she could make the biggest difference; that she could save the entire fucking world. A real Mother Teresa….right in the trenches.

What an idiot. What a complete fucking idiot. Staring into her light brown eyes she saw a familiar dullness. This job had been more than she expected in the worst kind of way. It only goes to reason that being a cop would put you next to bad people and bad things…well bad things would inevitably happen. But terrible things….things that would gut even the strongest person….things that shook every last spark of hope from her eyes; that was something no one ever warned her about.

It was late afternoon, she could tell by the way the sun was dipping below the horizon. The dry, desert wind blew her hair around her face as she walked forward on stilted legs. Her throat was so dry she could barely swallow. Even if there was someone to hear her scream she doubted that she could.

"Stop."

This was it. Whatever 'this' was they were here. A blue barrel. He was going to put her in the barrel. Her chest tightened as she sucked in a sharp breath. He was going to bury her alive. She turned hesitantly to face him, wondering if the better option was to just charge him right now and hope he shot her dead.

He stared down the barrel of the gun…her gun….his cold face devoid of emotion except for the shadow of a smirk. Lucy looked down at the ground. She had only been eight years old on September 11th, a kid too young to really understand much of anything. But still, they had a TV and even if they didn't there was no escaping the reality of THAT day. She sat on the couch watching the images of the burning building play over and over; her father sitting in the chair across from her quietly staring at the screen.

She didn't remember everything, didn't remember most of it actually. Sitting there on that big, soft brown couch with her hair in pigtails she kicked her pink tennis shoes softly against the coffee table. The warm southern California breeze ruffled the curtains as the images in New York seemed a world away.

And then…..then the camera zoomed in. It wasn't debris falling from the building it was people. People were jumping. She looked away a gasp slipping from her lips as she searched her father's face. He remained silent, unflinching. But those people…

"Daddy….why are those people jumping out the windows?" He stared at the screen for a moment silently before meeting his daughter's confused, worried face.

"Why do you think they are?" Her parents never shielded her from reality. Life wasn't just good…it was also a lot of bad too. Terrible things that made no sense. She needed to learn that and find a way to deal with it.

Lucy looked down at her pink tennis shoes and tanned legs as she thought that over. Her parents spent their entire lives keeping people from taking their own lives. She didn't know everything about it but she knew that when they lost a patient THAT way, they took it personal. They had failed. There was nothing worse.

"But you and momma always say there's another way…that it should never come to THAT."

Her father was quiet as he stared at the TV rubbing the angle of his jaw as he chose his words carefully. No other eight year old kid could be so articulate when it came to something like suicide but she was the daughter of two shrinks. Her father spoke softly but she would always remember his words. "Those people have no other way….what they're doing isn't a choice."

On that day she thought her father meant the fire was pushing them out the windows. When she grew up she understood the unbearable heat in that building forced those people to find the only relief they could. But not until right now….not until this very moment did she really understand beyond comprehension what her father meant that day. Looking between the barrel and the gun she fucking felt it….felt it in every inch of her body.

Buried alive…suffocating….a long agonizing death. OR….or a decision to end it now. To run right into the barrel of her own gun and pray that he would shoot her in the chest and end it.

Wagging the Glock toward the barrel he nodded. "Get in." This would be the last choice what she would ever make.

She understood now.

Licking her lips she shook the memories away. If that was the worst of it…well she would consider herself lucky. Far from it, though, that was just the beginning.

She parked the car against the building and cut the engine. Looking around she didn't see a soul; this seemed like a good enough place. She was working in Ladera Heights, no one would be looking for her in Echo Park. Unless she was followed….looking over her shoulder again she was met with stillness….she couldn't have been followed she was careful. Settling back into the driver's seat she scratched the blonde wig she had carefully affixed to herself in the Target bathroom. She had to see him….just once more.

In the rearview mirror she caught movement as as lone figure approached in the darkness. She held the Glock between her legs ready if this wasn't what she thought. As he got closer she relaxed seeing a familiar stride. The passenger door opened and the man slid in next to her removing the black hoodie that covered most of his face.

He paused, taking in the blonde wig and the gun between her knees. She saw the muscles in his jaw flex and she knew right then that this wasn't going to go how she hoped.

'I thought you were almost done with this….back to Mid-Wilshire in a few weeks.' He knew it wasn't true; he knew that the minute he called to arrange this back alley meet.

She shook her head resting the pistol on her thigh, 'It got extended….'

He just stared at her. He knew how undercover worked; they OWNED you and it wasn't over until THEY said it was over. He'd done this once before with Isabel, stood by and waited….stood by and watched….stood by as she destroyed herself, him, and everything he knew. And now….now here he was right back in it again. Staring at Lucy he clenched his teeth hoping it was enough to keep him from saying something he would regret. He wanted to support her, he really did and he knew the she wasn't Isabel….but still, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't be ok with this. He would NEVER be ok with this. Tim had tolerated the time apart and not knowing where she was and hoping…praying…every night that she would come back to him safe. He swallowed his pride, his anxieties, and his better judgement to support the woman he loved in what she wanted to do. He thought she would do this and have her fill; that she would taste it and decide this life wasn't for her. But as the days turned into weeks turned into months he began to realize that she wasn't coming back. Just like Isabel; he couldn't compete with undercover.

Tearing his eyes away from her he looked out the side window before choosing his words carefully. "I think you should go and do this if it's what you want…". Lucy let out a breath that she had been unknowingly holding. "But I won't be here when you get done." Her heart dropped as she felt all the air suck away.

"Tim…." They had been through this before. This argument and she knew that he wouldn't be happy but she didn't expect this. It had been two years since they went to Wyoming as partners and came back as something more. Two years of having each other's back unconditionally….and now it was slipping away. Maybe it was already gone, she hadn't realized until just now. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out as he turned back to her, sad smile on his face.

"No…" He looked down at his hands, a long sigh escaping his lips. "I can't do this, Lucy….I can't do it again. You know how things ended the first time for me." Her mind flashed back to Isabel laying raped in a pile of trash, thrown away without a second thought. She wanted to tell him that she was't Isabel, that this was different…it would be different. They could work this out and she would take care of herself and come back to him unchanged.

Reaching out he touched her face, gently…almost so gently he made her cry. Undercover was a lot of things but more than anything else it was lonely…..and it was scary. She ached for this so many times. Pushing the wig back, he let her caramel colored hair fall out around her face. "I fell in love with this…with a beautiful, fearless girl. Someone who stood by me through everything, who risked it all just so that I could have peace….who fought like a wild animal for her life and mine…" A tear rolled down her cheek as she brought a shaky hand to rest on his.

"I'm still that girl…" Hesitantly she met his eyes. Tim paused for a moment exhaling. Stroking his thumb across her cheek he wiped the tear away as a sad, knowing look crossed his face.

"You won't be much longer…"

It was just supposed to be a sting….and then just a week or two….and then a month at the most. But one thing led to another and another and before long she was sucked in. Undercover work had its hooks in her and it wasn't letting go. They could make it…no matter what they could make it. After what they went through in Wyoming nothing could come between them. But this…this was something and it was bigger and more consuming than anyone could have warned her. She loved Tim, God did she love him. But as she quickly found out sometimes love wasn't enough.

Slamming the door shut she exited the locker room, pausing as she looked around. She hardly recognized anyone. A lot had changed in two years. Exhaling she put one foot in front of the other just like she promised herself that she would. One foot and then the other until This got easier. She thought the worst thing that would come of undercover was losing Tim. That it could get no worse than that. That she had nothing left to lose. But again…she had been so very wrong.

Shop and Save. It was at the far end of Mid-Wilshire but it was still too close. They wanted her to do a cook today…tonight actually. The product wasn't ready; Dario thought this was a good waste of time. Lucy's eyes flicked side to side, she didn't like being this close…someone could recognize her. Silently she followed him as he threw a bag of chips in the cart.

The bell over the door tinkled. Keeping her head down she rounded the corner. The crackle of a radio. Her heart skipped a beat. It was a cop…a cop was in here. She could hear the creak of the leather belt and the jingle of keys. A cooler opened and closed..a pause…whoever it was had seen her. Hazarding a glance at Dario she quickly flicked her eyes over her shoulder.

Jackson.

His eyes briefly met hers before looking away. He was riding alone…this neighborhood was dangerous…he shouldn't have been alone. He had been alone before, though, and just like Lucy time had changed him as well. He was bigger, stronger, and he had an edge that she couldn't seem to remember. His left arm was tattooed and he wore a rubber wedding band on his fourth finger. God….she missed him.

She could smell his cologne….it was the same. At least something was still the same. She caught a glimpse of him through the open shelving, He pretended to look away. Dario was on the phone and honestly she didn't care. Her heart ached for something familiar. Parting the boxes of crackers she met his eyes, the ghost of a smile playing across her face. He smiled back at her. She was so alone. Reaching between the boxes she put her hand out and he didn't hesitate to do the same.

Their fingers touched lightly as she let her eyes drift shut. Their home…their apartment that they shared was long gone and it was clear that Jackson had moved on with his life ….but still she could't resist the urge to go home with him. Every inch of her wanted to go home right now.

His warm fingers slipped away before she heard the shot. Snapping her eyes open she saw him fall away; a groan and a wet thud as he hit the floor.

CRACK….CRACK…

Her ears were ringing. Without thinking Lucy hit the floor, boxes of crackers fell all over her as she covered her head. Someone was in here shooting and she had no gun. Through the shelves she saw Jackson laying on the floor. There was blood…so much blood. He struggled to get his gun from the holster. One second….two seconds…another shot…this one in the vest as he jerked in pain. His leg was bleeding so bad. The round must have hit an artery…he needed a tourniquet.

She was going to help him..she had to help him.

CRACK….CRACK…CRACK….

Screaming, crying, begging. Someone grabbed her by the arm. They were up, they were moving. Dario. She didn't have a gun but he did. He was dragging her toward the back of the store. NO ! Jackson needed her help. She struggled against him.

'Are you fucking crazy?'

There was no back door. He threw her on the ground behind a freezer. Yelling, screaming. The register didn't have much…more money in the safe. They began moving toward the back. Dario wasn't smart but he also wasn't stupid. Yanking her up again he saw their chance as they bolted toward the front..toward the door.

CRACK….CRACK…CRACK….

'Let's go….let's get the fuck out of here.' A can of peaches rolled down the aisle inertly stopping as it met resistance in the sticky pool of blood. She slipped, Dario roughly pulled her back to her feet. Jackson met her eyes for just a moment and then he was gone. Her name dying silently on his lips. The only piece left of him was the blood stuck to the bottom of her shoes.

Lucy sat down in roll call. Her heart hammered in her chest. She could not do this…not right now anyway. She was a warrior, she had proved that in Wyoming so long ago. But still there seemed to be no end to this suffering.

Gray appeared in the front, Lopez stood next to him. They both knew what went down with Jackson, hell everyone knew. Knew that she left him there to die alone. Nolan settled down next to her offering her a supportive smile.

She didn't hear much of what they said. There were armed robberies in the commercial district, catalytic converters being fenced on Sunset, a home invasion and rape in Wilshire Park, and a protest Downtown. Great.

Nolan was a TO now as he offered an encouraging glance at his rookie in the front row. Harper had been saddled with another 'geriatric boot', except this one wasn't a boot at all. A fifteen year cop from a high paying suburban department near Pittsburgh who was a firearms instructor and had ten years of SWAT Training. He slouched in his chair not impressed by any of them, least of all his TO. Scowling at him, Nyla shook her head. Turning her head fractionally, imperceptibly Lucy saw a familiar frame leaning against the door.

"Bradford you'll be with Chen." Lucy sat there frozen for a moment, not sure how to react. Part of her wanted this so much. The idea of riding in the shop with him was nearly intoxicating in its familiarity…in the comfort it offered. Glancing at his face she saw no emotion, nothing… just a blank stare. How could the last idea she had left of home look at her like that.

The door open and shut and he was gone. The meeting was over, everyone got up except for her.

"Hey…you good ?" Harper laid a hand on her shoulder, her normally hard features softened just enough.

Lucy pushed it away as she forced a nod and a small smile. "Yeah…yeah I'm ok."

Harper's gaze wandered toward the door before back down again. "He cares….he cares more than you."

Lucy bit her lip as she nodded trying not to cry right then and there.

"Whoa Harper you ready for me today?" A short well built man appeared next to them. He was older, not quite as old as Nolan but almost there. His dark brown hair had hints of gray and his face spread into an easy smile that showed the lines on his face. Extending his hand toward Lucy he offered a nod.

"Mike Garcia…don't think I've met you yet." She looked down not really wanting to make friends at the moment.

"Lucy Chen." She shook his hand quickly. Her rigid posture was not lost on Harper as the older woman quickly intervened.

Raising her eyebrow she turned to Garcia as he smirked at her in return. "Did you get the war bags yet ?"

He nodded laughing. "Already in the shop…got here early to get everything just the way YOU like it." She was not amused.

"What about my patrol rifle…?" Garcia leaned against the table nodding, the smirk not leaving his face.

"Packed and ready. Oiled the bolt too…gotta watch that. Wouldn't want it to seize up on you at an inopportune moment." The corner of Lucy's lip turned up in a smirk.

Harper exhaled loudly as she rolled her eye, "What about my coffee?" Garcia slid off the table holding his hands up in deference.

"Didn't want it to get cold." He turned to leave as she yelled after him once more.

"You know how I…" Before she could finish he yelled back.

"Two creams one sugar." Harper rolled her eyes as he left.

"At least he can do one thing right."

Nervously Lucy fiddling with her hands as she peered through the window into the parking lot. Tim was already sitting in the driver's seat of the shop waiting for her. The war bags had already been checked out when she got to the window leaving her to approach the situation awkwardly empty handed. Taking a deep breath she pushed the door open and strode out into the harsh sunlight. Flipping the sunglasses down, she hope the dark glasses would hide at least some of what was surely playing out across her face right now. She wondered what she looked like. Dread and hope were surely an interesting combination.

Opening the back door out of habit she began checking for weapons before a voice stopped her. "I already checked. Just get in." Swallowing hard she slammed the back door and slid into the passenger seat settled herself on what felt like a bed of nails. Wordlessly, he put the shop into reverse backing out of the space. Behind the dark frames Lucy let her eyes wander ever so slightly. Hanging from the mirror was a familiar object. In the sunlight she saw that the leather holding the wolf's tooth in place had become faded and worn; he must have never taken it out of the car. A small smile played across Lucy's face.

"Something funny?" The car came to a stop as he cast a sideways glance toward her. Biting her tongue, Lucy forced her lips into a line.

"I see you're still scaring rookies with that story about the wolf." Tim's eyes flicked to the tooth and then back toward her.

"I haven't had a rookie since you." The smirk faded from Lucy's face as she shook her head.

"Yes you have….I saw…" Before she could finish he sharply cut her off.

"They didn't work out." The light turned green as they lurched forward. Lucy tore her gaze away from him to stare at something less intimidating like her shoes. There was nothing in this world that Tim took more pride in than training rookies….he said it was his sacred duty. "None of them were you." He added it so softly she wasn't sure she heard him or had imagined it all together. Her stomach twisted into knots as she let out a ragged breath; all the emotion she swore she was going to keep in check began bubbling to the surface.

Jesus. Why couldn't they just go back ? Back the beginning when this wasn't so complicated….so painful. It was her fault; she wanted too much. She wanted to fall in love but she found a serial killer. She wanted undercover and she lost it all; her partner, her friend, and the man sitting next to her. She wanted a relationship with Tim but she she wanted everything else too and it didn't work that way. You can't have it all. Jackson needed her that day and she left him. She left him.

"7Adam19..take a call for an EDP. 25780 South Redondo." Lucy swallowed hard. An emotionally disturbed person (EDP) was one of the most dangerous calls a cop can take. There was no telling which way it would go. The radio beeped back to life. "7Adam19…witnesses are reporting the suspect is male, approximately 6'6" tall, appears to be under the influence. Destroying city property…"

The siren thumped as her heart pounded in her chest. She was out of practice and it made her uncomfortable. Casting a glance at Tim she saw his jaw flex. Did he not trust her? Rubbing her thumb over the butt end of her service piece she wondered if she trusted herself right now. It was hot today as she rolled the window down, the sign for Redondo Boulevard reflecting in the glass.

"Eyes open." Like he needed to tell her that. If there was one thing she learned undercover it was keeping her eyes open.

"Dispatch said 6'6"…shouldn't be hard…." Before she could finish a blur of red darted between two cars. Lucy jerked forward in her seat as the car came to an abrupt stop. A white man with a ripped red shirt on punched the hood of the car. Sweat poured off his face. The veins in his neck bulged as he stared at them wide eyed.

"I WON'T GO BACK…..YOU HEAR ME ? I WON'T GO BACK…"

Tim spared her a glance before jamming the car into park. Jumping out he put his hand up to the man.

"BACK UP !" Lucy saw the look and before should could intervene it was already too late. The man charged toward Tim knocking him backwards into the street. A car blared its horn and swerved as she stood paralyzed for a moment.

"CHEN ! CHEN!" Snapping out of it she shook her head.

"7Adam19 Officer needs assistance. !" She didn't hesitate before pulling the night stick out of the shop. Swinging the stick she landed a sharp blow against the man's back. And it did absolutely nothing. Slamming Tim against the pavement he reared back knocking her off her feet as she hit the ground hard. Abandoning the night stick she recovered jumping on the man's back. From underneath Tim landed a punch knocking the man over. Lucy went with him tumbling back to the pavement with a groan. Before either of them could recover the man jumped up to his feet. Looking up Lucy saw the wild look in his eye. Jesus.

From on her back she reached to the left. Taser. She had it out and lined up on his throat. "DEPLOYING TASER". The pop…the click….the prongs immediately embedded in his neck. But that was it. Reaching up he pulled the prongs out and threw them at her.

"IS THAT ALL YOU GOT ?"

Scrambling backwards she struggled to get to her feet as he closed in.

Out of no where a fist flew through the air connecting with the man's head as his eyes rolled back and he fell to the ground.

"NO." Tim stood there shaking his hand out. His nose was bleeding and his shirt was torn but he WAS standing.

"Are you OK?" Getting to her feet quickly she nodded, wiping her hands on the front of her pants.

"Yeah…are you ?" He nodded quickly before looking away. He looked like a mess and he was sure of it. He hated that. Losing control….and looking like it.

Harper and Garcia pulled up. Garcia was quick to jump out giving the man a look before casting a glance at Tim and Lucy.

"Damn…he's a big one." Pointed at Tim's face he shook his head, "You guys ok ?"

Lucy nodded quickly before dropping to her knees. The man easily went into cuffs now that he was semi-conscious. A phone began to ring but she paid no attention to it as the four of them struggled to get the man into the back of their shop.

"Is that you ?" Harper looked at Garcia as he shook his head.

"Nah…I thought it was you." Harper shook her head as she looked at Lucy.

"Are you sure it's not you ?" Lucy paused for a moment pulling her phone from her pants. She had almost forgotten what it was like to have a call come in at random. Phone calls came at ten and midnight….Shaking her head she saw a familiar number on the screen. God, she needed to get it together.

"Hello ?"

Tim slammed the door shut as he looked over the hood of the shop. Wiping the blood from his face he felt a sense of dread began to build in the pit of his stomach. Lucy nodded as she walked back toward the shop.

"OK…OK we'll come. We'll come as soon as we can." Hanging the phone up she met his eyes and he knew right then. Something had happened.

Standing awkwardly between the glass doors Lucy adjusted the bag on her shoulder.

"Look out…Look out." An impatient airline employee pushed a luggage cart past her with a dirty look. She didn't know where to stand…where to be. She had no one to drop her off either as she slipped the parking ticket in her bag. She had almost asked him for ride…almost. Craning her neck she was becoming irritated. The next flight out left in an hour; that was barely enough time to get through security and get to the gate.

A familiar black SUV pulled up to the departures curb. She felt herself begin to relax. The glass door whooshed open and she took a step forward but stopped cold. Two doors opened…two people got out. Two…not one. A familiar figure; one whose every nuance she had memorized down to the flick of wrist. The other was strange…unfamiliar…abrupt. Swinging the bag onto his shoulder Tim smiled as a tall blonde came to stand in front of him. She smiled back twice as wide and snaked her arms around his middle as he planted a kiss to her forehead.

Wait….What ?

Lucy felt her stomach drop into her shoes. She felt sick. She felt dizzy. She felt like a fucking fool. Turning on her heel she felt her face flush with heat as she hurried inside the terminal hoping…..praying….they hadn't seen her. If there was a God in this world he could at least spare her this humiliation. Taking a deep breath she swallowed back the bile in her throat.

Tim was with someone.

Swallowing hard she leaned against the cool tiles. She should have seen this coming. Again….she was such a FUCKING IDIOT !

"Hey you ready ?" She nearly jumped out of her shoes. Tim stood in front of her with that same plain look he had earlier at the station. The look he apparently reserved just for her.

Lucy nodded numbly staring at him and trying to force herself to feel nothing at all. Which was impossible but for the sake of her pride she was certainly going to try.

"I'm ready." He studied her face for a moment. Like he was looking for something. Ten minutes ago she would have shown him anything he wanted to see. Ten minutes ago she was fool. "Let's go."

Walking over to the ticket counter a young woman with AA on her lapel looked up and smiled. "Can I help you ?"

Lucy smiled handing the woman her credit card and ID. "Two tickets please."

"Yes ma'am where to?"

Lucy paused for a moment before exhaling. "Wyoming."

TBC…

I'm back ! Sequel time.

Please review and let me know what you think !

Above lyrics and song title from Nick Cordero's "Live your Life"