She is
by
Sakura-chan Master of the Clow
Track 01: 좋아(She is)

Disclaimer: I do not own any original characters from CardCaptor Sakura. They belong to the beautiful members of CLAMP. I also don't own any of the songs or lyrics referenced in this fanfiction. All belongs to the brilliant writer, composer, singer-songwriter, poet, and artist that is SHINee's Jonghyun and all those who helped create the album. However, the storyline for this fanfiction is all mine–inspired by the album "She is" itself, of course–so please no copyright.

~🎵º✨✨✨✨✨º🎵~

Who the hell is half an hour late? I long passed tapping my fingers impatiently here and there and am now making a full-on drum solo on the table. I did get a few stares, but I see others appreciate the beat. The person sitting next to me, on the other hand, looks pretty annoyed by it. Good. He deserves it. Now you know how I feel.

"Would you stop?" His tone is calm, but I know better. "We're starting to get weird stares."

I smirk. "I thought you didn't care what other people thought, Eriol."

"I don't. Although it's an impressive beat you're making, I stopped caring for it fifteen minutes ago."

"About the same time I lost my patience then," I answered but stopped nonetheless. "Listen, if this 'roommate' you wanted to introduce me to doesn't come soon, I'm leaving."

"Let's wait just ten more minutes."

"You said that ten minutes ago."

"Yes, but I'm confident about these next ten minutes for sure."

I scuff and lean back on my chair, arms crossed. "Did you message Daidouji-san asking where they were?"

"I did. She just said they're on their way."

"And when was that?"

Eriol only took a sip of his tea in response. I roll my eyes. The front doorbell rings, and like clockwork, my eyes go to the front, hoping to see if they show. Nope. False alarm. Just a bunch of middle schoolers. Or maybe they're high schoolers? Either way, they have a uniform on. I doubt the roommate Eriol has in mind for me is still getting their high school diploma.

I take another sip of my matcha latte as I look around for what feels like the hundredth time. Not gonna lie; it's a pretty decent cafe for a meet-up. It has that rustic yet modern aesthetic going for it. There are two levels; the floor area near the counter is filled with benches and comfy wooden chairs and tables. On both sides of the floor area are slightly elevated levels, the same wooden tables, and comfortable cushioned chairs evenly spaced out. Scented candles adorned some of the tables. It's close enough to the college campus I'm considering visiting again. So far, the one drink I ordered is good. I hear the food and desserts are decent too, but I'm refusing to order anything to eat until Tomoyo and her plus one come.

We're on one of the upper levels; the window next to us is slightly open, letting in the cool spring breeze blow the cherry blossom-scented candle our way. I check the time on my watch, and only three minutes have passed from the ten Eriol said to wait. Already this roommate is not making a great first impression. It's not as if I need a roommate. But Eriol came to me begging. Hard to believe for someone as poised and composed as him, but I swear I'm not lying.

Eriol was helping me cut some vegetables one Sunday as I was cooking lunch for us. It's not unusual that we eat together–we've been friends for over ten years now. What is strange is that he chose to have lunch with me on a Sunday when he could have been on a date with his girlfrie–oops, sorry, fianceé–instead. I didn't question it–figured he'd tell me whatever was bothering him soon enough–and I was right.

"Are you okay? Now that Meiling-san has moved out I mean."

I raise a brow. "Um...yeah? Since she moved in with her boyfriend, it's natural she'd want to spend more time with him. Besides, they're not too far away. She doesn't often visit, but we still meet up here and there."

"Well, what I mean is, don't you have it harder with bills and maintaining this place alone? It's a 3LDK, after all."

I stare at him. He knows my family is stupidly wealthy. So why would he be worried? They practically gave me this place to use during college on the condition Meiling comes with me as she wanted to study in Japan too.

And no, Meiling is not now or has ever been my girlfriend, significant other, partner, or anything of the sort. We're cousins. She's basically my fifth sister, annoying and all, so living together in Japan wouldn't be an issue. We've done it before in grade school with our family butler Wei. Only Wei stayed in Hong Kong this time.
House chores aren't hard for me, and I did all the cooking before anyway. The place has been cleaner longer since Meiling moved out, and I get to eat decent food or get what I want for take-out. If anything, it's been freeing.

"What's this about, Eriol?" I say.

"Fine, you caught me," said Eriol with a sigh. "Tomoyo's cousin finished community college in their hometown and got accepted to transfer to our college for their major. They're new to Tokyo, and it'd be easier to commute if they had a place in the city. I was hoping...you'd take them in as a roommate? You're one cousin-roommate down."

"Why not have them stay with you two? Your place is just as big as mine."

Eriol slammed his hands on the counter, startling me. "Are you kidding?! Tomoyo is obsessed with her cousin! I can't have them stay with us! If Tomoyo is put in a situation where she's with them 24/7, I'm afraid she'll break our engagement and elope with them instead."

Ooookay… Dramatic, much? Sure, Daidouji is more on the passionate side when she likes something, but she wouldn't take it that far… Would she? Nah, Eriol needs to have more faith in her.

"Look, man, Meiling is my cousin. My family. I can't just have some random cousin stay here just because."

"But they're super nice. And they said they'd be willing to help with the bills, cleaning, and cooking. Or just stay out of your way if that's what you need–I know how much you value your 'me' time. And you know Tomoyo, so it's not like they're a stranger."

I roll my eyes and huff. I'm enjoying my freedom, but Eriol is doing his best in selling this cousin of Tomoyo's. I can already tell he has a backup for any excuse I have to say no. Eriol must really not want him to move in with them.

"Just because he's Daidouji-san's cousin doesn't mean they're not a stranger to me."

"Then I'll set up a meeting with them. I'm sure Tomoyo can make it happen. If after you meet them and discuss your terms for a roommate, you feel they wouldn't cut it, I won't bother you about this again."

I hesitate. Eriol caught it and didn't miss a beat.

"Please," Eriol says. "I'm literally begging you."

He literally is. Hands clapped, rubbing them together, puppy-dog pleading eyes–I think I'm even starting to see some tears forming–the whole spiel. If I'm being honest, it's pretty off-putting and uncomfortable on the receiving end. I've never seen Eriol this worked up before.

"Do it to save my marriage with Tomoyo."

"You're not even married yet."

"My future marriage!"

I laugh. This is ridiculous, but...fuck it. "I guess one meeting wouldn't hurt."

"Really?" Eriol instantly perks up. "Thank you. You won't regret it."

"Anything for a friend."

Fuck friendship. I could have gotten so much done today; I have tests to study for, projects to do, groceries to buy, but no. Instead, I'm wasting away my Saturday afternoon waiting around for almost an hour–

"Here they are."

Finally.

I turn my head towards the door. Sure enough, I see Daidouji walking in, scanning the place looking for us. Eriol waves his hand to get her attention. She quickly spots us and waves back. I raise my hand to reciprocate the greeting when I notice the auburn hair poke in from the door behind Daidouji. I freeze.

Oh shit. Her jade green eyes meet mine as Daidouji points us out.

Oh shit. Her slightly thick eyebrows raise in surprise.

Oh shit. The wind blows through the window, tickling my neck, and I'm taken back to a memory of the two of us in our childhood park. I was walking her home. I confessed my love to her. All irritated and frustrated feelings wash away, replaced as the familiar warm fuzzy good feeling of first love rushes through me.

"Sakura," I whisper. I feel Eriol's eyes on me. He must've heard me. But all that's going through my head is: Why is she here?

Daidouji gently pulls Sakura along when she notices she hasn't moved. Sakura turns her head away, but I can see the light pink tint form on her cheeks the closer she gets to us.

"Sorry we're late," Tomoyo apologizes. Next to me, I hear Eriol reassure her we weren't waiting long. Bullshit, but I'm still too stunned to care. Sakura takes a seat in front of me, the softly lit candle between us. She sneaks a peek at me.

My heart is singing. Oh, sweet love. Quietly locking eyes with you, just looking at you drives me crazy.

"Sakura," I say. Her name sounds soft and warm even to my ears. I can't believe she's here in front of me after so long. But I've called out to her, so I have to say something else. "Hey."

Smooth. Real smooth.

"H-hi...Syaoran-kun," she answers shyly.

I smile. Sakura is as cute as ever. "Are you here accompanying Daidouji-san? We're here to meet her cousin."

Confusion forms in her eyes. She turns to Daidouji and Eriol; something unspoken passes through them.

"Oh yes," Eriol clears his throat. "Syaoran, you see the thing about Sakura-chan being here is…she is Tomoyo's cousin," I can hear the impish glee in his tone. "We're all here."

Oh, she is...Daidouji's cousin.

"Wait. She is Daidouji's cousin?!"

Eriol and Daidouji must've planned this together. I bet my reaction to being reunited with my first love in this circumstance was worth it. By Tomoyo's giggle, I was right.

"I...see." I bite back my tongue and smile at the two girls. "It seems we have a lot to discuss. You ladies must be thirsty. Wait here while Eriol and I get you both something to drink."

Before anyone can protest, I drag Eriol off his chair toward the front counter. Though the girls are seated more on the side, they still have a clear view of us and the counter. Once Eriol and I settle at the end of the line, I peek towards the girls; they're huddled together as if sharing secrets. By how surprised Sakura looked to see me at first too, I'm guessing she didn't know who her new potential roommate she would be meeting today was either.

Why didn't Sakura tell me she would be moving to Tokyo? It's not like we don't talk to each other: we do…like a lot. We're friends. Best friends. Why would she keep something like this from me? Sure I've had the biggest crush on her as far as I can remember, but we're still...friends. Best friends.

I turn to Eriol. "Okay. Talk."

"Talk about what?" I give him the darkest glare I could muster. "Okay, okay. It's fine; you can thank me now."

"Eriol," I growl.

"Fine. I'm sorry for not saying it was Sakura-chan. But technically, I didn't lie. They are cousins."

"Since when!?"

"Since their moms were cousins, I guess."

"That's not what I mean. How long have you known? Why didn't you tell me it was Sakura we're meeting?"

"Would you have agreed to come if I had?" Eriol asks. I stay silent. Would I? "You confessed your feelings for her long ago. So why are you both still only friends?"

"That was back in elementary school. Does it even count?"

"You're still in love with her, aren't you?"

Eriol had a point.

I look back to where the girls are waiting for us. My eyes easily find Sakura. She quickly averts her gaze when our eyes meet. Are you embarrassed meeting up like this too? I can't help but mentally check what I notice I like about you. Your green eyes, the way you look at me. Your expressive eyebrows, I like it. I like your slightly pouting lips. Shit, I like everything that she is.

I feel my heart skip a beat. My heart is thundering, howling like a wolf to the moon. It's screaming, I love you, babe.

"Next."

Eriol and I are next. Thank God for a distraction. I order two matcha lattes, a slice of honey lemon cheesecake for Sakura, and a slice of mango tiramisu for me. I turn to Eriol, signaling him to order for him and Tomoyo. I'm met with a smug look, and I frown.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," he says. "It's just I find it fascinating you still remember Sakura's favorites even though it's been years you properly met."

"We've met."

"That one summer after you moved away barely counts." He mutters something under his breath I can't quite hear.

"It counts," I protest. Despite replying with a friendly smile, I know Eriol's taunting me. He swiftly orders for him and Tomoyo. I end up paying for us all. Eriol and I move aside and wait for our order to be completed.

"So…" Eriol hesitates. I raise my brow. What now? "Now that you know it's Sakura-chan, are you not going to take her in as a roommate?"

Ah yes. Being reunited with my first love ultimately made me forget why we're meeting here. I sigh and rub the back of my neck. "I don't know," I answer truthfully.

"Won't having her so close be…dangerous?"

"Dangerous?" Eriol smiles. "You would never do anything that would hurt Sakura-chan."

"No, not dangerous for Sakura." I can feel my ears turn red. This isn't very comfortable to say, much less to Eriol, but I know he's going to keep bugging me until I give him a straight answer. "Dangerous for my heart. She never said she loved me back. We're only childhood friends, and I'm fine with that. Just having her in my life as my best friend is enough. But living with her every day, I'll always want more, and I don't know how much my heart can take."

Eriol, usually a good friend who listens to you whole-heartedly, stifles a laugh. What did I say before? Oh yeah. Fuck friendship.

Stubbornly I cross my arms over my chest. "Go ahead, laugh. Don't let me baring my heart out stop you."

"You misunderstand, Syaoran. I'm not laughing at your expense. It's your naivety that amuses me." I frown. I don't quite get it. Eriol pats me on the shoulder as if to reassure me. "The answer to your dilemma is simple," says Eriol.

I raise a brow. "Yeah?"

Eriol nods with the biggest smile on his face. "Just pursue her whole-heartedly."

"What, tell her I love her? Again?!" He must be crazy. No, I know he's crazy. I just didn't think he was this crazy. "You're insane." That's right, I said it to his face.

"Or a genius," he rebuts. I scuff. "Think about it; your poor heart won't suffer so much if you're honest with your feelings. And you never know, Sakura-chan could very well feel the same."

There's Eriol's knowing smile again. I never quite know what's going on in his head to this day. But through the years, he's only ever had his friend's best interest at heart when giving advice or, in most cases with me, bluntly telling you what you need to hear most, even when you don't want to. But you know he's right. It would be nice not to run away from her anymore. Fuck it.

"Fine," I say. Eriol's knowing smile turns into a satisfied one. "But I don't want to rush my feelings onto her."

"Very well."

At that moment, the barista calls our order number. We kindly thank her and take the two trays back to the table with our orders. Along the way, I overhear some guys near our table checking out Sakura and Tomoyo. I 'accidentally' bump my elbow on their heads as I walk by. I stand in front of my chair–directly in front of Sakura's–and give them an ice-cold glare. I see them gulp and shrink back into their seats. That's right. You better sit back down.

"Sorry for the wait," I say as I place Sakura's cheesecake and drink in front of her. Sakura's eyes sparkle as she looks over at her cake. She takes a small bite, and her eyes seem to shine even more. I smile as I watch her reaction.

"S-Syaoran-kun, this is wonderful. Thank you. How…did you know I wanted to order this?"

Of course, I knew. But it might come off creepy if I say that. So instead, I shrug and say, "I remembered you liked cheesecake." That totally came off cool and not creepy... Right?

Sakura smiles at me, and I'm almost knocked out of my seat. I break off a piece of my cake to distract myself.

"Is that mango tiramisu?" Sakura asks. I nod in response. "Can I have a bite? I wanted to try it too."

I pause. I can feel both Eriol and Tomoyo's gaze on us. I don't care how we might seem to others, just looking at Sakura's eyes…Oh shit, I get an idea. I say, "Alright."
Sakura smiles, unknowing of what I have in mind. I like it. I lift my fork with the piece of cake I just cut out and reach across the table to feed it to her. Sakura blinks in surprise. She leans over with a shy smile, allowing me to feed her. I smirk. I like how you act coy.

It's not until she leans back on her chair and stares a little too long at her matcha latte that I notice her flushed face. Wait, don't be flustered. Isn't this natural? I want to tell her. Instead, I say, "How is it?"

"It's delicious," she answers, hiding behind her bangs. So many thoughts rush into my brain. It's my first time seeing your flustered face. At least, flustered because of me. I can't help but think I wish you wouldn't hide it from me. Even if it looks ugly to you, I like everything about you. You know that.

"Well then," Daidouji says, breaking the ice. I already forgot she and Eriol were here. "Now that we're all here, should we discuss what we're here for? Provided Li-kun accepts Sakura-chan as a roommate, that is."

"Ah, that's right," Sakura says as if remembering why she's here too. "I promise I won't cause you any problems. We can draw up a contract if you'd like. I'm good with cooking–well, of course I know you're good at cooking too; I would love to cook together sometime. And I can do my part around the house. We used to schedule chores and stuff at home, and it was super convenient. I don't expect you to take me in for free, of course. I also found a part-time job in Tokyo so I can pay you for the rent or utilities and groceries…"

Sakura rambles on; I can barely keep up. Although what she's proposing is typical roommate stuff–honestly, it's already more than what Meiling did–my mind twisted it into newlywed stuff; cooking and eating together, splitting up chores, waking up on the couch together after a movie night in… Okay, the last part wasn't mentioned but can you blame me?

"Sakura," I call out softly. "Take a breath."

She stops and does so. Her jade green eyes look over at me carefully. Is she that worried I wouldn't take her in as a roommate? I'd be a fool to pass up the opportunity to get the privilege to see her every day.

"Relax, it's just me. No need to be nervous," I reassure her. "I…I'd love to have you as a new roommate."

Sakura instantly perks up. "Really?" she asks. I nod, not trusting my voice to crack. That smile of hers is so unfair. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise you won't regret this."

"I'm already looking forward to it." Oh shit. Did I say that out loud? Eriol coughs next to me. I could make out the word smooth in somewhere in between. I glare at him.

Daidouji clapped her hands together, bringing our attention to her. "Oh, this is wonderful news! Isn't it Sakura-chan?" she exclaims happily. Daidouji is the type of supportive friend everyone should have. "Since all is settled now, Sakura and I already drew up a simple contract if you'd like to look it over, Li-kun," she says, fishing out a piece of paper out of her purse. "You're free to change anything you'd like."

I quickly scan over the paper. Most of it is Sakura's promise to be a good roommate and what she already verbally expressed. There's some small fine print I almost miss at the bottom corner. I squint to see and make out in Daidouji's handwriting: Don't screw this up ;)

I shoot Daidouji a look as I feel my face grow warm. At least I know she's still supportive of my feelings for her best friend (and cousin, apparently).

I clear my throat. "This is fine," I say, trying to sound all professional and turn to Sakura. Okay, never mind, that sounded weird; better talk normally. "But don't think you have to take on everything on your own, okay? We'll be equals in this."

"R-right," she says, hiding behind her bangs again. Why is she getting shy now? But damn, does she look cute like that, it's driving me crazy. I want to take her in my arms.

"So your place is a 2LDK, right, Li-kun?" Tomoyo asks. Immediately I take the hint of what might be bothering Sakura.

"It's a 3LDK," I clarify. "You'll have your own room, and I promise to honor your privacy." I take a pen and add to the contract: No going into each other's room unless allowed to enter after knocking.

I peek and see Sakura smile at Tomoyo. Good, she's much more relaxed now. I take the opportunity to cross something off the list. "And don't worry about rent." Before Sakura can protest, I say, "To be honest, the place has already been paid for by my family." I feel a sheepish smile form. It's embarrassing–even to me–when I have to mention how rich my family is.

"But…I can't just crash at your place for free."

"Then, how about we split up monthly services; water, internet, cable…honestly, I don't pay much for them now, but it's something."

"Then let's split groceries too," Sakura adds.

I smile and nod. Anything to make her happy. We take another half-hour discussing and compromising on the contract. Finally, we decided to leave the chore schedule to a later date. Sakura first needs to settle moving into my place and adjust to the campus at school, not to mention we have to get her school schedule first.

"Well, with this, you can move in whenever you're ready," I say.

"I'll need to start packing. But is next week okay?"

"Yeah, I can give you a ride too, if you'd like."

"I'd like that; thank you, Syaoran-kun."

"Honestly, thank you, Li-kun. I was worried Sakura-chan might have to get a place by herself here–not like I would let that happen," said Daidouji. "And Touya-san had the nerve to tell her to stay home and commute every day. Can you believe that? I think his overprotective sensor broke because who would let their adorable little sister travel late at night on her own, especially one so cute as Sakura-chan."

"Tomoyo-chan," Sakura protests. She grabs what she can of her hair and hides behind it, like pulling a curtain shut. So cute. "I would've been fine if it came to that."

Despite my warning glare, I notice that the two guys have kept stealing glances at Sakura. Not only them, but in the short time we've been sitting here, I've seen so many–so many–guys following Sakura with their eyes. Daidouji is right. I can only imagine how it's been during the school years I missed with her. Stupid Elders taking me back to Hong Kong and finishing school there. I could have been with Sakura for middle and high school, but no. So I applied to University in Japan half to spite them, and a bigger half because I wanted to return to Sakura.

"I agree with Daidouji-san. Going home alone after dark, that's a no-no. But, we'll be going to the same school anyway, so why don't we walk home together when we can. Or I can pick you up from work too."

Sakura peeks from behind her hair curtain. Her shining green eyes turn into crescents as she smiles at me. "Yeah, I'd like that, Syaoran-kun."

The inner wolf in me begins to howl again. This girl has too much of an effect on me. Sometimes I wonder if she's doing it on purpose, but I know better. She is the type to make those around her happy just by being present. I feel a pat on my back and turn to Eriol, who gives me a thumbs up. I don't know what he means by that. Like, good job getting the love of my life to live with me, or good job making her smile, or good job taking her in so he can continue having a happy relationship with Daidouji without the fear of her leaving him for her cousin.

I look to Daidouji, who smiles at me. "There are some things Sakura-chan might still need to get for herself. You don't mind going shopping with her some time too, do you, Li-kun?"

I'm vaguely aware she's lowkey setting up a date with Sakura and me. Obviously, I'm okay with this. "I'd be happy to."

Daidouji smiles. "Wonderful."

"Well now," says Eriol, "glad this worked out it nicely. It seems Syaoran will help you get settled in just fine, but my dear Sakura, don't hesitate to reach out should you need anything."

"Thank you, Eriol-kun," Sakura replies with a smile. Then she turns to me with the same kind smile. I'm almost knocked out of my seat as I get the full force of her beauty. I can't help but linger on her eyes and lips. Stop it, no; I am only looking…respectfully.

As much as I hate to admit Eriol is right…Eriol is right. Living with her every day, I'll become greedy want her to myself. But if she'll have me, I'd cherish and love her with all my being. Damn, just thinking about it makes me feel happy. The girls start chatting up on things Sakura will need to buy for her new school and home.
Eriol leans over and whispers low enough so the girls can't hear, "You're being pretty obvious. But I guess it's all right. Sakura-chan is not the type to know unless you downright tell her."

I did, yet we're still friends. Though I guess I can't blame her. My family yanked me back to Hong Kong before she could give me a straight answer. We were stuck in limbo at some point, and before I knew it, were fell back into the rhythm of friends. My confession was so long ago; I doubt she remembers. Meaning, I have to work harder to make sure she has no doubts when I confess again.

"Thank you, by the way," Eriol whispers. "I owe you one." Ah, so the thumbs-up meaning was the last one.

"If it's for her, I will do anything," I say.

I can feel Eriol's grin. I know this gives him all the ammo for teasing rights but hell if I care. I'm on fucking cloud nine.

"So, say you do confess to our dear Sakura-chan again, and she asks you what you like about her, what would you say?"

I raise a brow. That's what he chooses to ask? I expected something better than that. I mean, there's nothing complicated about his question. The answer has always been so simple. Sakura's laughter sings in my ears, and I smile.

"Easy," I whisper back. "I like everything about you."

~🎵º✨✨✨✨✨º🎵~

A/N: Hello, everyone! I'm back with another song-fic. It's super short, but I hope you enjoy it. If you completely skipped the Disclaimer, let me take this moment to fill you in a little. This fanfic is inspired by the first album I ever felt told a whole ass story. Most artists/singers claim there's a story in the order of the tracklists, but when I listen to the albums as intended, the story they tell is unclear to me personally–I'm mainly referring to Western artists here. Of course, there are exceptions, but this album–"She Is" by SHINee's one and only Kim Jonghyun–THIS ALBUM had me visualize a whole ass story; beginning, middle, and end. Poignantly written and performed, I have been sitting on this story since the album came out, and I'm glad to be writing it down finally. As I said, this is a short story, only nine chapters, but I hope you enjoy it and give the album a listen as the songs come out; you'll see what I mean.

Unlike with Middle of Nowhere, I decided not to break up the story according to the lyrics of the songs and instead sprinkled the lyrics here and there where I felt best suited the situation. This gave me the freedom to write the story I imagined thanks to the lyrics instead of centering the story around them. I'm writing more now, so I hope you look forward to the rest. And about Middle of Nowhere, I'm still tweaking and writing a couple of chapters ahead before I republish it, but it will get done! I promise!

Published January 12, 2022