This is a sequel to my other Mario fic, Mario is Missing. It will be updated every week or so! The total word count is 130k, so get ready for a long read.

For anyone wondering, there will be more characters and more Mario games than are listed, but expect the most from Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door, Wario Land 4, WarioWare Gold, Mario RPG, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, and Luigi's Mansion!

If you don't know every single one of these games, don't worry! This is an AU and everything will be explained.

Cover art is by the amazing jrpgdog on twitter!

"Hurry up!" Wario groaned. Sirens blared, 'Thief!' over his gruff voice. "Catch whoever stole MY artifact! And calm that guy down! Pretty suspicious behavior if-a-you ask me!"

"I'm plenty calm!" Bowser roared, flames spitting out onto once pristine purple drapes. "I'm the calmest dang guy! And I'm getting out of here! I don't care if there's been a theft! I don't care if this place went into lockdown! No one locks ME away!"

Even in this huge hotel dining room, platters of half-eaten food spread across the tables, the heat of his flames smothered everyone's faces – or at least my face! The ceiling stretched high, extravagant chandeliers swinging from their chains, the room so full of noise and pandemonium. I only wanted to get away, to curl up on the couch at home.

But there was no way out of this grand hotel.

Newly made captain, Goombella of the New Donk Police Department, hopped in front of the King Bowser. What in the world she expected to do against him was beyond me.

"Kammy! Do something about him! He's just making things worse!" Goombella shouted.

Kammy Koopa shrugged, sighing through withered missing teeth. "At this point, nothing I say is going to stop His Ragefulness." She adjusted her thick-rimmed glasses. "Besides, I'd say he's got a fifty-fifty chance to break out of here."

A rare fang-filled grin flashed across Bowser's maw. "Aw, thanks Kammy! I knew you believed in me."

Goombella barely dodged over one of Bowser's stray claw attacks, nearly getting sliced into tiny Goomba bits. "You realize fifty percent isn't totally believing in you, y'know?"

"Shut up!" Bowser screeched, his fists pounding into a plate of reinforced steel. The entire hotel shook under his power, its residents and onlookers screaming as ritzy glasses and plates shattered against the floor. "That's more than I usually get!"

Kammy's magic broom puttered above the carpet, completely unphased by the shaking. She was used to Bowser's tantrum's, but not happy with them.

"Stop all this final boss fighting nonsense!" Dr. Crygor wailed, his lone cybernetic eye practically crying in terror. Maybe we really were related? "My security system is still in its early phases! It hasn't been tested for this kind of thing!"

Wario lounged atop his throne, digging for 'gold' in his ear. "Yeah, ain't you guys cops or-a-somethin'? Get on it, will ya?" It wasn't just him. Plenty of the other guests stayed at their seats in the dining room, either watching Bowser's rampage in fear or in delight. No one wanted to stop him, least of all me.

Ex-Captain Toadette (really just Toadette) pummeled Bowser's shell with a pack of fire balls. She had grabbed a nearby Fire Flower out of one of the vases. The fireballs did nothing but bring his attention to her.

"Ex-cop!" Toadette corrected. She really liked telling everyone she was no longer in the NDPD. (That stands for New Donk Police Department in case you forgot.)

A strange man in a bright red scarf with a shiny dome sitting near me said, "Did she say X-Naut? I've never seen her." He sputtered. "I mean, not that I know of any X-Nauts of course!" Everyone ignored him. There were more pressing things going on at the moment.

"See! I knew this would happen!" Bowser slashed through another drape, just barely missing a boneheaded old man. His eyes caught on said old man and they flashed with a genius idea. "You guys always blame everything on me!" Without a second thought, his massive claws wrapped around the old man's huge shiny head. "I've never done anything WRONG!" he screamed as he tossed the old man towards Toadette and Goombella.

"Oww!" the old man wailed as his thick skull slammed against a small table, narrowly missing the two girls. Afterwards, he brushed himself off and went back to wobbling through the dining room, mumbling incoherently like nothing happened.

"Ehhh, you know," Wario grumbled, chomping raw garlic in his open mouth as he spoke, "You're really only going higher on my list of suspicious people. You got-a-plenty of places to hide my super rare artifact on that shell of yours!" His voice lowered as he thought to himself. "Maybe I should get me one of those…"

Bonk! Goombella landed a hit in the soft red patch of hair between Bowser's horns.

"Ugh!" Bowser yowled, tears forming at the edges of his eyes. "That hurts you know! Physically and emotionally!"

Toadette and Goombella stood before the raging Bowser breathless and bruised. It seemed they had only managed to make him angrier. They weren't exactly suited for taking on major bosses like Bowser, but that didn't stop them.

Why? It was pointless to try.

Their eyes finally met with mine. They were desperate.

"Luigi! Help us out!"

W-what!? Me? What was I supposed to do against him? I would only make this worse! I'd just get in the way! I deemed it necessary to put my foot down. I would no longer be putting myself in situations I didn't want to be in!

"No-a-thank you," I mumbled, barely heard over the blaring sirens. I was learning to stand up for myself lately! That was something to be proud of.

Right?

The girls' eyes widened like they couldn't believe what they were hearing. Before they could protest, Bowser came barreling into them, his huge heavy body separating them as he slammed shell first into the metal door.

Bowser rubbed the sore spot of his shell before realizing, hey, that didn't hurt much at all! I'm greater than I realized! Gahahaha. (I assume that's what he thought. He's very easy to read.)

"See, that's why I like you!" Bowser pointed the tip of his claw my way. "You know who the good guy is around here! You know better than to get in my way!"

Even though he was praising me, shame welled up inside my throat. Why? He never would have said that to Mario.

"I don't think I can do this," Goombella admitted with a wince. "I'm not cut out for being captain, am I?"

"I've only just learned to jump from my construction job!" Toadette whined, completely out of breath. "This is way out of my league, too!"

I could have told them that! I wouldn't, of course, because that's mean and I'm terrified of conflict, but I could have! They should have just stayed back with me!

"Gahahaha! That's what happens when wimps try to stand up to me!" Flames licked the air around Bowser's maw and his fangs grinded together till they were molten red. "Now, time for some roasted mushroom with a side of unruly minion!"

I didn't want to watch, but my eyes stayed glued on my old friends as Bowser readied his fire breath.

"Yoohoooo!" an airy voice yelled in from the crowd. Before Bowser could react, she was on him in a flash, her orange suit nothing but a tacky blur. A sporty shoe slammed into Bowser's maw, sending flames spiraling through the air, narrowly missing my fellow diners.

The mysterious orange heroine landed on her feet with a bit of a stumble before saying her weird nonsense line. "Yes! Daisy!"

Ah… of course it was Daisy.

"Sorry I didn't show up sooner! Everyone was distracted by the noise, so I figured it was the perfect time to raid the mini bar and stuff myself full of those delicious fried Blooper rings." Crumbs fell out of her mouth ungracefully onto her fancy suit. She didn't care.

Goombella's eyes lit up like a Bob-omb on its birthday. "That was so cool!" For whatever reason, Goombella looked up to the Sports Super Star that was Daisy. "But… are you okay?" Daisy appeared to be having trouble standing on the foot that had just kicked Bowser in the face.

"No! I'm not okay!" Bowser whined, holding a claw over his bruised cheek. "Did anyone think to ask about ME? Geez, lady, are you wearing cleats? What the heck's wrong with you?!"

"Oh no, it might be broken," Toadette said, checking over Daisy's ankle.

Daisy shrugged, stuffing another Blooper ring into her mouth. Gross, she was keeping them in her pocket. "Eh, you know, it happens! Whatever!"

Kammy Koopa puttered up to Bowser, shaking her head. "Are you finished, Your Whinyness?"

"Yeah, I'm done! Whatever!" Bowser threw his claws up into the air before quickly rubbing his hurt jaw again. "Kammy, how bad is it?"

"The door's barely got a dent."

"No! I meant my poor handsome face…"

"You're fine."

"Ugh! Well, if this is going to happen just because I'm trying to help us all get out of here, then forget it! It's not worth it!" Bowser wailed.

An enhanced cybernetic voice finally spoke up. "M-might I suggest we all return to our rooms for the time being and see if we can't get this sorted out?" Dr. Crygor said shakily. His eye shone with a subtle pride once he realized his security door had held up even against King Bowser.

Wario waved lazily at the staring crowd. "Yeah! Go on! Get out of here! You all bother me!"

Well… that was probably for the best. Maybe I could sort out what in the world just happened. Plus, I really wasn't enjoying the burning glares that Toadette and Goombella were sending my way.

I quickly scampered up to Daisy, who was having trouble walking. I offered to help, and she accepted much too easily, putting a ton of weight around my neck as she wrapped an arm around my shoulder. She was still eating those Blooper rings as she limped into the elevator…

Goombella and Toadette followed us to our rooms in the upper floors. Daisy quickly plopped down onto her bed without a care in the world while the other two girls fretted over her. I shuffled over to the doorway, trying to stay out of the way.

"Y'know, if you want to leave, then just leave!" Goombella growled my way. "Ugh, this sucks…"

Oh no… I really messed up, didn't I? I quickly looked to Toadette who shook her head, avoiding eye contact with me. Daisy was busy stuffing her face. Maybe it really was best I went back to my own room after all.

My room was just next door to Daisy's. I wouldn't be far if they needed anything. I'd make sure to try to listen for anything this time. With a sigh, I let myself into my room and sat on the bed. It was empty. It was quiet. It was lonely.

I suppose I had nothing better to do than to write in you, my notebook. It'd been a long time. Plus, maybe it'd help put all this craziness into perspective. I didn't expect this trip to go the way it did! But where to even start...?

This is a new notebook, so I suppose I should go as far back as I can. I'm writing this on Mario's spare notebooks since he made more for himself than me. I would hate to see them gather dust. Anyway…

Let's-a-go…

It was only been a few days ago when everything felt… normal. As normal as it can be at the office. It's been around a year since my last little 'mystery' and to be honest, I was hoping it would be my last. The problem was, the Mario Bros. Detective Agency was still fairly popular, all thanks to my brother.

Unfortunately, the Mario Bros. Detective Agency now only contained me, Luigi.

I shouldn't complain about our office's popularity, I know. The real problem was that our office/apartment needed money. Buildings can't just be lived in for free! Stupid, isn't it?

Good afternoon, Luigi! You have 301 unread messages today! Up from yesterday's 297. A new record yet again! Congratulations! Would you like to read them?

No thank you, TEC.

(I was typing this on my old desktop computer. TEC is a lone supercomputer that I rescued from an abandoned factory. He's very sweet, but maybe a little too eager. Because he's no longer connected to his old factory and can only use my computer, he's been a little downgraded. But he seems happier.)

Of course! If you would like, I could give you the shortened version of each message to save you ti-

No thank you, TEC.

Not a problem. Okay! Well, of your 301 messages, I would like to note that 5 are marked IMPORTANT as they have to do with the subject matter of your overdue rent. Would you like me to—

No thank you, TEC.

Fair enough! I'm not sure if this is the best course of action, but—

I was hoping we could skip this, and I could do a search for birds? Pigeons to be precise. I am in the mood for pigeons today.

Oh, do I have some amazing pictures of pigeons for you! I have stumbled upon a strange trend where people 'shop' pictures of human arms onto birds and I find it most humorous! I think you will like it, too! However, there is one last alert…

What is it, TEC.

I have one new message marked 'Family.' You have me set to prioritize any and all messages with this marker as the utmost importance. Would you like to see—

What!? Who is it from?! Who could it be from? Yes! Open it!

Right away! The sender is a man called Wario who is apparently your cousin! Here are the contents—

Delete.

Er. Error. I … thought you wanted me to open the message and read it to you? I've actually wanted to give you a message for so long and I just—

Mark as spam. Delete.

If… you say so. I know that I am just the world's most mediocre computer now, but I wish I could understand you sometimes, Luigi.

It's okay. Sorry if I seemed cross with you, TEC. I've been feeling a little stressed. People keep trying to contact me for detective jobs and that's just not who I am.

I see. I do not know if it is any consolation, Luigi, but I do not think you need to live in your brother's shoes forever. I have come to accept that I am the world's most mediocre computer. In fact, I am happy with it! I think you could very easily be the world's most mediocre detective!

… … Thank you, TEC.

You're very welcome! :) - That is a smiley face. I am learning how to better express myself! Now! About those pictures of pigeons with arms…

Loading…

…

As the armed avian began to slowly pixelate on my screen, the front door slammed open, followed by both a shriek from myself and a shout from my 'secretary.'

"Hey! Stop looking at pictures of birds, weirdo!" Daisy screamed, barreling towards my humble little desk. "I've got some cool news!"

I quickly grabbed Marissa and Charlie and huddled them close against my chest. Daisy had a bad habit of knocking them over when she got excited.

(Oh! This is a new notebook, so I guess I should explain. Marissa and Charlie are my Fire Flowers! I keep them together in a cute little pipe plant pot! They love each other and I love them.)

Neon light illuminated Daisy in red, melting with her orange top. The mushroom sign outside my window was as bright as ever. She was sopping wet from the rain outside but didn't seem to care as always. It doesn't get particularly cold in New Donk City even though it is always raining. For some reason Daisy was still wearing her sporty shorts.

(If I explained Charlie and Marissa, I suppose I should explain Daisy too…)

Daisy is kind of my secretary and roommate? She's not on the lease, and she didn't ask for permission to stay here. But she likes to sleep on my couch, watch my TV, eat my leftovers, and generally bother TEC with ridiculous requests and the occasional unsavory virus. She's loud, she's obnoxious, she smokes, she's overly pushy, and she doesn't do a very good job at answering the telephone.

But for some reason, I could never kick her out. It's nice having someone around. It's nice to have someone to cook for. She tells the noisy Shy Guys next door to 'Shut up!' if they're being too loud. She buys me more time with the Pianta landlord when I don't pay rent. She tells potential clients to 'Buzz off!' when I inevitably say I don't want to take their case.

"Hey!" She stamped her foot on the carpet, staining it evermore. "Are you listening to me? You're staring off into the next galaxy again!"

I sighed. I was listening. I just didn't want to.

"Aaand you're doing your mumbling thing where I'm not sure if you're actually talking again. Great. Usual stuff. Whatever."

She rummaged through the tiny pockets in her shorts and pulled out a soggy cigarette. Under normal circumstances, nobody would get that thing lit up. Daisy was not normal. She's a Sports Super Star! Master of soccer, tennis, baseball, go-karting, partying, and recently she got into fighting as well. No one knows how she's so good at so many things. She just is.

I personally think it's because she's a few Power Stars short in the upstairs department. You know. She's more brawn than brain.

"You say somethin'?" she growled, wet cigarette between her lips and a harsh glare in her eyes.

N-nope!

"I figured." She knelt down over my desk, dripping all over it, putting her face uncomfortably close to mine. The tip of her cigarette glowed red hot after touching the Fire Flower's petal. She let out a black sigh. "Thanks Charlie."

That's Marissa!

"Marissa. Geez. Sorry." She rolled her eyes and lounged atop my desk, her legs kicking over some letters I didn't want to look at anyway.

So… I thought Daisy had something to tell me? Maybe she had forgotten. That would have been nice.

"Oh, right," she said, her voice slow and deliberate. Smoking always calmed her down. I didn't like it, but it had its benefits with her. "Yeah, so I was out jogging, right? I got a tennis tournament coming up and Coach Bobbery wants me exercising a bit more or whatever. He's a pain in the ass, but who cares."

I still don't like that language by the way. I also wished she could get to the point.

"I'm out running by Bowser's place to get my 'medication' you know?" She smirked.

Agh. She meant Honey Syrup. A drink meant to energize the body, but only to be taken in small doses. Bowser and his gang sell the stuff on the streets, and it is strong. It's not healthy. There's a lot of addicts. I worry over Daisy. She's actually using less lately, surprisingly.

"And you wouldn't believe it, some complete Toadhead zooms by in a bright purple car, laughing like crazy!" Daisy did not use the word 'Toad' there, but I'm not writing down the actual word. "Guy nearly hit me! Didn't care at all! He was just tossing out flyers! One of them hits me right in the face, right?"

Oh no. I knew where this was going.

"So, I look at this stupid thing, and you'll never guess what it's for and who was driving!"

… I had a pretty good guess.

"It was Wario! That freak that smells like farts and always yells at people! Turns out the flyer is for a brand-new hotel that he built! He used the riches he found from an ark-ey-log-all dig to pay for it! Apparently, it's super spiffy." I think she meant to say archeological.

Well, that's nice, but was it leading anywhere?

"I mean, yeah, normally I wouldn't care either, but then I remembered!" Daisy shot up straight, grinning like a Boo in a moldy mansion. "That big idiot actually invited me to his grand opening! He's inviting all of New Donk City's biggest names to stay there for free! Some kind of promotional thing I'm sure." She finally turned to face me, as if she remembered I was here. "I'm not one for these fancy pants parties, but I got to thinking! Free food! Free beds! Everyone's gonna be there! I could probably get a great score off Bowser."

I gulped. I didn't like where this was going. Plus, wasn't she already rich? Why would it matter if its free or not?

"Ah, man, you just don't get it!" Daisy waved me off. "Free is free! Plus…isn't that guy your cousin?"

Oh no. That's the last thing I wanted her to say.

"And, no offense, but you're totally struggling to pay rent, aren't you?" Her eyes dug into me like a Monty Mole. "There's no way the Mario Bros. weren't invited. I'm sure a rich cousin like him could help you out. I'm not going to keep paying your rent when your landlord comes knocking."

It was time to break out my secret technique! "No thank-a-you! I wasn't-a-invited anyway." My stupid stutter was always acting up. This was why I didn't like to speak.

Daisy scowled, black puffs of smoke blowing out the side of her lips. "You're lying."

I-I'm not! I swear!

Fearing no boundaries and no personal bubbles, Daisy dove over the desk onto me and my chair. "TEC! Has Luigi gotten any messages from Wario lately?"

No! Not TEC! Anyone but him! He's too nice to lie!

Oh! Hello, Daisy! I can tell it's you because of all the spelling errors. Why yes! Just the other day Luigi received a very interesting message!

I scrambled underneath her, trying to push her off, trying to get her away, but her incredibly muscular hands and legs proved to be too much for my scrawny arms. For most people, all I had to do was cry and act pathetic and that'd get them off my case. It never worked on Daisy.

"Oh really?" Daisy said with a scowl, practically punching each key in. "And what did it say?"

Yes, 'rly!' Luigi had me delete its contents before I could read it, however. But I can tell you that the title was 'Wahahaha! You're Invited to the Grand Opening of My New Hotel! Click inside for details! (Not a scam this time!)'

No, no, no, no, no! I'm saying no! I can say it! No! No! I don't want to do that! I don't want to meet loosely-related family! I don't want to go outside and talk to people! Least of all weird family members I don't know very well!

"Uh-uh!" Daisy wagged her finger at me. "Not this time, bub. I've declined way too many jobs for you! I've tried to let you do things at your own pace! But you won't accept anything! Why just a week or so ago I had to say you wouldn't help some sweet ghost girl! If she had a heart, I'm sure it would have been broken because of you! I mean, I personally didn't care, but she sounded really sad!"

Agh, she wasn't supposed to tell me about the clients I was rejecting! I can't handle the guilt.

"Besides! This isn't even—ugh, quit crying! Are you serious?—This isn't even a job! It's a free stay at a hotel! You need to get out more!"

I don't have anything to wear! It's probably got a fancy dress code!

"Oh, please. It's a hotel. You can come wearing whatever you want! No one will care. I know I'll be wearing whatever I want."

No!

"Geez, you've got more issues than me," Daisy grumbled. "Listen. It's. A. Hotel. You can stay in your room for all anyone cares. It'll be fine."

I… hm… I guess that wouldn't be so bad. A change of scenery from this damp dreary office did sound rather nice.

"Aha! See? I told you! I'm gonna RSVP you right now! TEC!" She slammed her hands on the keyboard.

… … I assume you want me to reply that Luigi will be attending after all? The message may be deleted, but I could still easily search the nearest scam site and find Wario's organization.

yAA!1111 -dAiSy

Of course. I'd be happy to. I hope Luigi enjoys his time there.

"Woo hoo!" Daisy yelled. "Now order us up a pizza from Tayce T.'s! I'm starving!"

Like always, I had the feeling I wouldn't enjoy this hotel trip. Like always, I catastrophized and feared the worst would happen. I wish I was ever wrong.

I also wished Daisy would remember she's still sitting on me!