Hello and welcome everyone~

Before you can jump straight into the story, I want to make a couple of things clear. This story is a self-insert. You may try and imagine yourself as the OC, if you wish, but a couple of things will get described the way I am. It will also contain a lot of my personal problems, and how I try to live with them. If you wish, you can see this story as psychological fiction. It shall also progress in a romantic manner. I have a few ideas, on how I want to do it, but I won't promise anything yet. Elijah and Klaus will play a big part in this story as stand-alone characters and in close contact with the reader. Edit 20.03.2022: I have since seen every episode there is. It's just easier to step into someone else's shoes, when you can see the interactions play out in front of you. I still wish to alter the story though, add a little bit of spice, if you wish. And just for clarification, my OC has NOT seen the series. She only read the plot and saw videos on YouTube. Either edited videos or snippets out of the series itself.

Before I forget, English is not my mother tongue, any mistakes can and will eventually happen so please stay civilized in the comments. Critique and opinions are very welcome. Please don't hesitate to add your own flair to it.

Trigger warnings for the story in general: physical abuse, psychical abuse, depression, ptsd (sort of), sexual abuse, sexual content (eventually), suicidal thoughts, self-harm

I only own myself and the changed plot, everything else belongs to the original owners.

Enjoy :)

Chapter One

January 2022

It was already evening, 2 days after new year eve, when you finally decided to do something and go for a walk. The day has been as any other day, despite being one year older. You never understood why people tend to make a big deal out of it, as if on the day where basically one or two numbers change, could alternate your life to a bigger extend.

Picking up your tired limbs from the comfortable position in your bed, you went to the bathroom. Small tapping noises could be heard on the cold tiles, stopping right in front of the sink and its big mirror.

Having a look at your face and hair, you made an ugly grimace. You really need to take better care of yourself. Not just on some days, but every day. Skin care was especially important to you. Your skin tends to be stubborn and bully you with dry flakes. Yuck.

That being said, you went straight into action. Whilst doing your cleaning ritual, you remembered back on your first-time using skin care. It was a wonderful experience, having soft and moisturized skin again, no skin flakes flying around your face. That was 3 or 4 years ago, how time flies.

In an unwanted manner, your thoughts flew to the more unpleasant parts of your past years. The nagging feeling of regret and sorrow slowly making its way to your unconsciously frantic heart. Before it could consume you, you pushed the thoughts back into the darkest corners of your mind, scrunching up your face and mentally kicking the pile of trash you call memories.

Today was your birthday, and even though you just concluded how utterly ridiculous it is, you would use it as leverage against yourself, to stay calm and collected. Tiptoeing back to the bedroom, you pick some thick tights, wool socks and a thicker bodysuit. Over that you opted for a wool-like dress, that went to your mid thighs, with a spacious turtleneck. To top it off, you finished your outfit with a corset-type of belt, magnificently cinching in your waist. A long black coat was of course also a must, as well as some black combat boots.

Ready to go out, you picked up your small bag and checked its contents. A power bank, keys and wallet already laid in it. Adding in just some gloves and handkerchief you closed the bag and put it over your shoulder. Quickly grabbing your phone and headphones, you went out of the door and into the street. The cold air hit your face delicately, before its temperature made you shudder and move your arms protectively around your torso.

Moving on, you slowly walked towards the little park near your apartment, constantly roaming over your surroundings with your eyes. Feeling save was always a priority of yours, sadly your birthday couldn't save you from any atrocious situations, if they should arise, so keeping an eye on your neighbourhood was a must. Walking up to a bench you slowly sat on it. Testing if the cold wooden planks would seep through your multiple clothing layers. Deciding that your bum, for once, wouldn't freeze off, you sat on it delicately.

Pulling out your headphones from your coat, you plugged them into your phone and automatically in your ears. Scrolling through your music list, you decided on Middle of the Night from Elley Duhé. You found the song a couple of days ago, and since then you couldn't stop listening to it. This song made you feel something special, something powerful, as if you were the main character. Turning your volume up, you closed your eyes and tipped your head back.

Thinking back on the year 2021. You have to admit, that it was one of the better years, contrary to the global pandemic and everything else that transpired. The pandemic never really hit you too negatively, wearing a mask was not troublesome for you, believe it or not, you even liked it. It hid your face, and any unwanted attention was (mostly) gone.

The only real drawback was your family, you could not visit them without potentially exposing your parents. Vaccines be damned, you could still get infected and carry the illness. So, you let it go and opted for a safer way to talk to them. Modern technology, hurray.

Jobwise you were also very lucky. You were unemployed for only one month this year, mostly because you quit your last job. Your supervisor reminded you too much of your ex-boyfriend and that hurt you more than you would admit at first. Driving home while crying was a clear indication for it. Your new employer was also far better than the last. You could work on your techniques more and refine your work style. 3D modelling was just a bonus.

Now you were thinking of maybe enrolling into university again. Although you already have a bachelor, why not do a second one? You even found a possible university that gripped your interest. You will sign up for it and see from there how the year shall go along.

Having had the conversation already with your boss, you were sure, that if the education won't work for whatever reason, you could go back to your old job and think about a divergent approach on life. Smiling softly as the wind riffled through your hair you took a deep breath, held it for a second and slowly let it all out.

"Everything will be alright", you whispered to particularly no one. You often had to remind yourself that even if you metaphorically must take one or a couple of steps back, the world won't end.

Then a warmer gust of wind hit your face and you got irritated. Shouldn't it be minus degrees outside? That surely wasn't as cold as it should be. Ignoring the small alarms going on inside your head, you stayed rooted to the bench. After being hit by another faint wind blast you decide to open your eyes and stop your music.

Looking around you first noticed that you were not sitting under a big tree anymore. The snow was also gone. Furrowing your brows, you picked up voices and music in the distance.

Looking towards its direction you distinguished a mansion. It took your breath away. Its architectural features and illumination made you gasp silently. You loved extravagant details as an architect. Still, you could not wrap your head around it, one second you were sitting on a cold ass bench in the middle of the damn park, just to look up and see a mansion down the street.

I mean, the bench is still as cold as before, just not that damn cold and wet. You could swear that the residence seemed familiar. You are uncertain yet if you should be concerned of this fact or not.

Standing up, you put your phone and headphones in your pockets and moved slowly towards the manor. The closer you got, the further your panic was increasing. You were not supposed to be here, wherever the here even was or is. Barely 30 meters away from the building it hit you like a ton of bricks.

That was the Mikaelson Mansion. The word Mikaelson was thrown around your brain like an echo, bouncing from every wall it hit. Mikaelson, mikaelson, MIKAELSON, mikaelson, Mika... elson! But was it even their mansion?

It could also be someone else's. Naturally that would not explain the situation you were in, but it would make you feel a bit better. Knowing that vampires weren't potentially running around like headless chickens. You don't need a reminder of Damon or any other supernatural for that matter.

Stooop, you screamed in your head. Jumping from one wild hypothesis to the next one wouldn't help you, on the contrary, hyperventilation and a panic attack were announcing itself. Taking several deep calming breaths, you started pondering your options.

Overthinking wasn't the best course of action. Perhaps everything had a reasonable and logical explanation. Even though, a small voice in your head, doubted it severely.

While standing at the side of the road and frenziedly thinking, a car drove past you. Stopping at a reasonable distance from the residence, a woman, or more like a young girl in a beautiful black gown stepped out of the car. Your breath hitched in your throat for a second. Eyes roaming over the girls long, curly brown hair and the sparkling satin gloves, you stood there with wide eyes.

This was not happening, you thought. You knew the person. And at that exact moment you wished you wouldn't know her. Closing your eyes, you could see her face in front of you. That was Elena freaking Gilbert.

Tears gathered in your eyes, and painfully slowly one slid down your face and splattered on the ground. The tension in your body was at its peak, the panic fully settling in your stomach, consuming your body from within.

A shrill sound nestled into your ears, body trembling you turned your form away from the building and your hands shot up towards your mouth, covering it harshly with a slap. You were going to cry convulsively, holding in a sob or for that matter a lot of sobs, you crouched to the ground forcing yourself to cry as silently as you can. No sound left your mouth, only hot tears and harsh silent gulps of air. Your nose was already stuffy from the excessive crying.

You felt like 15 panicked SpongeBob's were running around in your head. One with arms far up in the air and screaming his lungs out, one trying to stop the fire from spreading, one just sitting calmly and accepting the fact that you are undeniably fucked, and several more just doing what they best can.

Chaos, your head was in utter chaos. Finally, after what felt like endless minutes, your tears started to cease, your aggressive cut off breathing as well, in general you got a hold of yourself.

Kind of.

You wiped the tears and snot off your face. You were never a beautiful crier, so you opted to hide your face every time you cried. Which happened regularly. This was the curse of being emotional.

You looked over your shoulder to the mansion. At least you knew in which part of the series you were. The circumstances indicate it's the big Ball for the Mikaelson Family reunion. All the Originals, with their mother Esther, who wants to link her children as one under false pretence should be gathered there.

You were still crouching on the ground and analysing your options while the Ball was in full swings. Should you go there and warn Elijah? Wouldn't that put a massive target on your back? Niklaus would undoubtedly behead you the second he could or pressure you into following his every command.

And you just couldn't stand that, possessive behaviour was a big no go for you. It could also trigger a panic attack, which you will have enough already as it is. Finn could also search for vengeance, as well as Esther, you would ruin their plan in the end.

And if you decide to just be a bystander, where would you go? You have no money, at least none of your cards would work and you never held bills on you, let alone dollars. Your apartment probably doesn't even exist in this universe, and even if it did, you were nearly 7000 km away from it.

God you were fucked.

You thought back to your first plan. It probably would be better to just tell Elijah, what will supposedly happen. Perhaps you can even manage to back up your words, you will have to improvise. No, you hate improvising, you were not good at it. Too many loopholes and possible outcomes. Better think now about it.

You could tell him, that even though he will undoubtedly ask Elena about his mother's reasoning to see her, and her willingness to tell him everything, that she will lie to him, regardless of her inner conflict.

And what can honestly happen to you? You can DIE! howled your inner voice at you. Yes death, the one thing you once wished would have happened to you, terrified you endlessly right now.

How the tables have turned.

God you were so wrecked. It was either die by "natural" cause or supernatural. And supernatural was probably quicker than starving to death... Right?

Still, you turned towards the house and wished for the best. At least, if you seriously die, which you hope won't happen, you'll perhaps achieve something meaningful and someone else will survive this night.

With wobbly legs you walked up the stairs to the mansions entrance. A waiter approached you and seized you up and down. "Your invitation card please?"

You looked at him and answered in an uncertain voice, "I- I don't have one, and I also don't want to attend the event. I would just like to speak to E- Elijah Mikaelson. Please."

With a surprised expression, he told you to wait here while he fetches the gentleman. Turning around you only went down the smooth steps to stop in your tracks and wait.

You were anxious and fully on edge. Will you manage to tell him without making a fool out of yourself? Scratch that, will he even believe you? You were so nervous you felt sick, as if you'll throw up any second. You could hear your heart franticly beating in your ears and you hoped that you were the only one hearing it so loudly.

A throat clearing sound made you tense up and turn towards its origin. There he stood, Elijah Mikaelson, in all his glory and pride and of course, in an extravagant suit. Which suited him very well, see what I did there huh? He was also barely taller than you, you noticed. But you were also above average, with your 1,72m.

"You requested my presence?" he asked as he looked you over. He can probably hear every panic-struck heartbeat.

"I- I yes." You lowered your voice, so it was just a whisper and averted your gaze from him. What you were about to tell, was only for his ears.

"I recommend you and your siblings to not drink the Champaign that is being served tonight. It is spiked with Elena's blood. Your mother, Esther, wants to link you all as one, so if one of you dies, every sibling dies."

You looked at him haunted, scared of what to expect. When you saw him looking at you with a neutral expression, you concentrated on his eyes. You could see a slight twitch there, but you weren't sure how to interpret it, so you continued the way you planned 10 minutes prior.

"I am aware that you don't know me, and that I could be lying, but I think we both know, that if I would have been lying, you'd figured it out already", whilst pointing at your ear with one hand and your heart with the other.

"I also know that you asked Elena to inform you of your mother's possible plan, but contrary to her promise, she will lie to you. Just listen to her heartbeat, it will give her away." To say the atmosphere was tense and you could cut it with a knife, was an understatement of the century.

"Why should I believe you?" You clasped your fingers together in front of you, out of habit, to distract yourself a bit. At least he hasn't killed you yet...

"I don't have a plausible answer for you or solid evidence for that matter. I am only counting on... your f- feeling or compassion? We both know you don't trust your mothers reasoning. I shall wait at the bench back there..." You turned your upper body away from him and shakily pointed to the bench you got presumably "teleported" here.

You scrunched your eyebrows together. You felt like a child that was naughty and thus awaits a lecture or scolding. While turning back to him you took a deep breath, mentally preparing for any possible complications.

"I do need to ask you of a favor..." Looking at his face your eyes glazed over "please do not tell any of your siblings of m-me." You trembled "I am terrified of them, mostly Nik- Niklaus."

At that you saw a small glimpse of sympathy in his eyes. But as fast as it came, it was gone and replaced by confusion, "why do you trust me then?"

You dwelled on his question a bit longer, before you answered truthfully, "they don't call you the noble brother without a reason." At that you smiled faintly at him and turned around, already walking away you added, "I shall wait at the bench. What you do with this information is entirely your decision."

Approaching the bench, you sat on it and slowly tried to relax your body. You could feel the adrenaline leaving your system and exhaustion taking its place. Your thoughts were slowing down, and you concluded, that the conversation had gone better than you expected.

You didn't die, so you saw it as a win. God that sounds terrible, as if death was a casual reaction in a conflict or conversation generally, you are a dumbass.

But how long till you die then? He could come back to you at any moment and just snap your neck easily and you'd be done. You'll just have to hope, there is nothing more you can do than hope for the best.

Actually, would you be brought back into your own world if you died here, or was it permanent? As per usual there were more questions than answers.

While you were sitting on the bench you thought back to Elijah. Something worried you, when you gazed at him for the first time you remembered something from your past. It was back in 2017, when you were travelling alone with your older brother. You were sleeping in hostels, where you also met a friendly Italian guy.

You both conversed with him, but you can clearly remember how you were instantly smitten with him. Butterflies in your stomach, heat in your cheeks. Your brother immediately recognized the little glimpses you gave the Italian and smiled knowingly at you.

It was the first time you felt something so deep. You couldn't get him out of your head, and when the day came to depart, you were miserable.

Your brother encouraged you to ask him for his number, but you were too shy. You couldn't bring yourself to do it for an indifferent number of reasons. The most prominent was the age difference of 10 years between you two.

You let it go and when it was time to say farewell you opted to only shake his hand instead. He complied and after, bowed to your height and kissed your cheek. Your face burned up and you were certain that you were a deep shade of red.

You managed to look dumbfounded before you smiled shyly at him. After the departure your mind was a complete and utter mess. Your brother had his fun with teasing you.

Days later you regretted not getting his number, but you couldn't change that anymore. The feeling of warmth, fondness and yearning was ever present and unforgettable.

That is exactly how you felt when you looked at Elijah and it worried you. It felt like a mistake. A good mistake? You were not even supposed to be here. And in talking to Elijah, you have already changed the course of actions.

At least from what you can remember. You never saw the show, you only read about it. The lore intrigued you, even though you were annoyed by numerous characters portrays. For example, Bonnie Bennett and her endless sacrifices and the constant dating between various main characters.

You also thought about writing your own story in this universe, but not literally for crying out loud. Thus, the excessive researching and video binging. Although you still don't fully understand everything that happens, you are confident in the knowledge you possess.

At least you hope so.

You put your hands on your lap and nervously played with your fingers. What now? You thought. Where are you supposed to sleep?

You still don't have any funds, logically. You don't even own anything on your person that you could sell. Maybe sleep on a bench? Would you freeze to death? Probably not, it should be October now. And you hope the temperatures wouldn't drop too harshly in the night.

You could feel your eyes getting wet again. You were so screwed, royally screwed. With no home, no money, no one to turn to.

Before you could let the thoughts run free again, you felt the bench dip under an additional weight. You didn't need to look to know who it was, you only told one person where you were and since you didn't hear anyone walking towards you, chances were high that it was Elijah.

"Has it worked in your favour?" You glanced in his direction without moving your head. Which didn't work as intended, because he was a blurry mess. Damned be your bad eyesight.

Correcting the position of your glasses with your index finger you fully looked at him. He was looking at the sky when he faced you.

"Yes. How did you know that this will happen? I have never seen you here before."

You tensed at his question. How do you explain something as trivial as this? How do you describe the fact that he, and everyone else here, was just a fictional character without seeming crazy or delusional?

"I don't think I am in any position to explain this, I'd sooner be put into an asylum. I doubt you would believe me." You took a deep breath and held it. Should you say it? Should you offer him to compel you? At least he can be sure that you are not lying, right?

Letting out a puff you just went for it. "I'll perhaps regret saying this, but I offer you to compel me and ask the question. No hard feelings if you do. It is probably safer for me, because you can be certain that I will not lie, and I suppose you wouldn't... rip my head off."

Smiling softly at him you waited for his reaction. Looking directly into your eyes he hesitated for ages, before leaning towards you and asking the inevitable. A weird feeling spread over your body, as if you couldn't lie, duh, as if someone was inhabiting your body and mind and talking without a filter.

"I know a lot about your family, a bit of the past and mostly of the future. In my world, you are fictional characters from a popular teen series." When the compulsion wore of you shook your head.

God that felt awful, but you are pretty sure it was not the last time you will feel like that. You just hope that no one will force you to forget certain events, that would be dreadful.

Snapping back to the present you continued looking at Elijah, who's face changed to a confused expression before it turned into suspicion. "I am uncertain if I can believe you, you could be taking vervain."

Your heart slumped and you swallowed a big lump. Shit, you thought. What now? How can you convince him? What about your blood? Couldn't you... That was a very, very bad idea, but an idea, nonetheless. Elijah was silently watching you the whole time. He saw the gears turning in your head and it slightly amused him.

"I don't drink any vervain or wear any jewellery that would contain that herb. I- You could try my blood; wouldn't you spit it out if it contained anything... harmful?"

He studied you for a second, narrow eyes roaming over your whole being. You felt particularly naked in front of him, although you were fully clothed in several layers. You looked away, not bearing the intense gaze.

"At least give me your name before we become so intimate, miss?"

Your face flushed fully, and you stammered your name out of quivering lips "my name is Sinja, Sinja Reacher." Slowly looking back at him you could see a slight smirk on his lips.

"Miss Sinja, where do you live? We can discuss the matters there, with no prying ears." Shoot, well that is going to be awkward.

"I- I don't have a home or a place to sleep in general."

Ugh, you felt awful, first you tumble into this world, then you turn his upside down and now, when he wants to discuss this matter civilized, you don't even have a place to invite him in. What were you thinking?! Clearly you weren't thinking, screamed the voice in your head.

"That is no problem, you shall accompany me to my apartment then. I remember you saying that you don't wish to encounter my brothers and sisters. For now, I shall follow your wish."

Standing up he offered you his arm. You stood up hesitantly and took him by his arm.

You were scared.

Even though you knew him as a noble vampire in the show, real life was still something entirely different. Walking towards a car that was parked in front of the residence, he opened the passenger's door and motioned you to take a seat.

With wobbly legs you sat down and proceed to watch Elijah like a hawk, cautious of any fast movements. He closed your door gently and casually walked around the car and joined you on the driver's side.

The car peeled without any incidents out of the driveway towards the city. The ride was silent and tense. You surveyed and analyzed every house, street and corner that flew past the car's window.

Stopping in front of a bigger building complex you figured that that is where his apartment was. You never thought he had one, at least you never read about it anywhere.

Was it a secret? Startled from your thoughts you looked at Elijah, who already stood next to you and held an arm out for you.

Slowly putting your hand in his, you let him pull you out of the car and into the house. While walking up the stairs you felt worse and worse. Was it really a good idea? No going back now, it is what it is, any other proposition got already shut down by your logic.

Turning towards a dark corridor you stiffened and tightened your grip on Elijah's arm. Darkness was never a friend of yours. Too much imagination made you envision scary monsters. Although, perhaps your monsters weren't as bad as the living supernatural in this world... No, that was a lie, any monster regardless its existence, was unnerving.

Stopping at a door, Elijah looked at you before his gaze lowered to your hand around his forearm. Awkwardly you let him go and whispered an apology.

Faintly smiling at you he turned towards the door, unlocked it, and gestured for you to step inside.

Reluctantly you did.

Standing in the apartment you turned around straight away and tried to distinguish his form in the doorway, when he stepped inside and turned the lights on. Blinding you for a moment you squinted your eyes. Slowly blinking them open you took in your surroundings.

You were presented with an open floor plan; an industrial kitchen connected to a small living room. There was no separate room for dining, just some barstools at the kitchen island. At the far end of the room you could make out two doors, presumably the bathroom and bedroom.

Looking at Elijah, you noticed that his suit jacket was neatly hanging next to the door. You followed his example and took your coat off hanging it next to his. After, you removed your shoes as well.

"Welcome to my humble abode", said Elijah. "Make yourself at home. This is a safe heaven for me and now you as well."

You were unsure of how to proceed and felt awkward. Walking to the couch and sitting on it you sighed. This was going to be difficult to handle.

What will happen now? Are you allowed to sleep here? You'd of course offer to sleep on the couch, you wouldn't feel well sleeping in his bed. Not just because you don't know Elijah personally, but because your anxiety would skyrocket.

And what about clothes? You looked at yourself. You only had this one outfit on you. Would you be able to borrow some clothes from him? And what was happening at the mansion in this instance? Did Esther figure out that her spell hasn't worked?

What did Elijah tell his siblings? Would Esther find you and… and kill you? Your face paled. Dread overcame you. What happened to Finn? You dummy completely forgot about him! You hope the siblings did not kill him. Esther probably hasn't done anything to him, Finn was completely loyal to her.

Sensing your panic, Elijah sat down next to you and put a calming hand on your knee.

"Try to calm down Sinja, I shall answer all your questions flying around in that head of yours. We have time, take a deep breath."

Taking a deep breath, you asked the question to which the answer scared you the most.

"Is... is Finn dead? Did Klaus kill him?" Looking worriedly at his face you anticipated his answer.

"No. He was daggered instead." You let out relieved breath.

"Thank god. I mean, not that I am happy about him being daggered, but I am glad he was not killed. I should have said something sooner, should have warned you that Finn was being used by your mother. I am sorry, I was too nervous to add more..."

Elijah smiled at you before saying "don't apologize. If your explanation of multi universes is the truth, I would be nervous as well."

At that you laughed.

"Don't say something like that. I know that you are an emotional hardened person and that you would stay calm in mostly every situation. Your greatest asset is your sharp intellect" while pointing at your head you continued "and your ability to form strategies. I am certain you'd be alright." Smiling at his forming smile you felt yourself relax slowly, to an extent.

"What happened to Esther? Should I be looking over my shoulder?"

Uneasiness returning to you he said, "no need to, Niklaus killed her." For a moment that surprised you but after a second longer you concluded that this reaction should be expected from the hybrid. In conclusion, you'll still have to look over your shoulder, Esther could come back, even sooner as actually intended.

"You seem anxious, why? Is it because she died?" You averted your gaze away from him. You couldn't stand people looking at you so intensely. You always got the feeling that they could see every flaw and mistake you ever committed in your life.

Maybe you should be looking at him when you answer his question, it would be respectful in correlation to his mother. Looking back at him you said "her death was predictable; she did want to get rid of you guys. She got what she deserved, no mother should hate her own children, that is just cruel. However, she could be resurrected. This… also happens multiple times in the story I know."

Elijah looked concerned at you so you quickly added "I will inform you in time, if she comes back the way she should come, don't worry." A small thankful nod was sent your way.

The silence that followed was a death sentence for you. Slowly the events of the day were catching up to you and you shivered. That was not a good indication. Starring straight in front of you, your eyes glazed over and in a small voice you said "Elijah, I don't want to pry, but may I take a shower or a bath?"

"Of course. The bathroom is behind the right door. Just give me a moment, I shall provide you with some comfortable clothes."

You looked strangely at him "clothes? For what?"

Elijah snickered at that, and his eyes shined with amusement "Sinja, you will have to forgive me for what I am about to say, but you don't have anywhere else to go. Or do you?"

Your shoulders slumped at that "you are right, I ignored that fact for a second." While Elijah went into his bedroom to retrieve some clothes, you picked up your bag and searched for your purse. If Elijah trusted you enough, to arrange a warm sleeping possibility, you could at least provide him with some solid proof of your situation.

Finding your piece of proof, you slowly took it out of your wallet and ran a finger over it. Emotions were threatening to consume you, but you held back. It was not yet your time, just a tiny bit longer, you reminded yourself.

That is when Elijah walked back to you "they may be a bit too big for you, but they will suffice." Chuckling at his comment you took the clothes and towel from his hands.

"And I was certain that your wardrobe only contained suits." Chuckling again at your teasing tone, you looked at him and gestured for him to sit down. He obliged.

"I want to thank you and show you something, that could back up my statement." Pressing your identity card into his hands, you stood up and excused yourself to the bathroom.

Closing the door, you let out a happy sigh, when you noticed the bathtub in the corner. Walking up to it, you opened the water tap and put your hand under it. When it was to your taste, you closed the drain and watched the bathtub slowly fill.

You laid the towel near the bathtub and proceed to take your clothes off. When you were done, you slowly stepped into the bathtub, hissing when the warm water came in contact with your toes.

Halting in your movement you looked at the window. You should probably open the window, or tilt it? You suffer from dizziness. Retrieving your leg from the water you stepped towards the window and opened it.

Happy with the result, you went back and finally slid into the warm water. When you were fully submerged in it, excluding your head (you wanted to keep your hair as dry as possible) you relaxed your muscles and leant your head back staring at the ceiling.

Tears gathered in your eyes and this time, you let them. The horror of the position you were in came back and hit you like a ton of bricks, knocking the air out of your lungs. As a last attempt to preserve your sanity, you decided to sing your comfort song. This one, more than once, managed to calm you down, even in the eye of the storm.

Opening your mouth you took a shaky breath, before you silently started to hum, and eventually sing.

"Far over the Misty Mountain cold

To Dungeons deep, and caverns old

We must away, ere break of day

To find our long, forgotten gold

The pines were roaring on the height

The winds were moaning in the night

The fire was red, it flaming spread

The trees like torches, blazed with light"

When the last word left your lips, you fell apart. Pain embedded into your heart, single tears transformed to a waterfall and your hand shot to your face, desperately grabbing your head and scratching along the sides.

You hunched forward, bringing your knees to your chest. You were done, dead, dead, dead, dead… Death. You fully let yourself go, several whimpers changed to violent sobs, and you started to rock your body. Swaying forth and back, forth and back, forth and back.

You cried till you couldn't breathe and even then, you didn't stop. The last time you cried so hard, was 4 years ago, when you broke up with your ex and finally felt free again.

Gathering your shoulder length hair behind your head and taking a deep breath, you dipped your face under water and held it there. When in started to hurt, you forcefully pulled yourself out and gasped. Your face scrunched in an ugly manner and you sobbed again.

You are no hero, you are not confident, you are a coward, a broken, depressed little thing snarled your inner voice.

It broke your heart, because it was right.

Edit 03.01.2022

Not 24 hours have passed and you guys have already given me feedback. Thank you so much. I took your comments to heart and tried to edit the existing text in smaller paragraphs. I apologize for the inconvenience and hope that it's to your taste now. I shall try to upload on Sundays. Work is keeping me fairly occupied, but I am positive that I'll make it. Stay save my friends!

Love y'all, Sinja

P.S.: The song is from Peter Hollens - Misty Mountains