Disclaimer: I don't own Deadpool.

My latest media obsession is Deadpool. He needs a family.

XXXX

Chapter 1: Surprise

Wade's ears were ringing.

They were ringing, and ringing, and ringing like he'd just blown himself up again.

"Did you hear what I said?" the doctor asked. He was a good-looking man in his forties; he had all his looks, his hair, and a successful, normal job. He also didn't have to deal with the news of two babies at once.

Vanessa's mouth was agape.

They'd decided to have a family. For Vanessa, it had been a more for sure idea. For Wade, it had been more of a spur of the moment kind of thing. He only realized the consequences when he woke up the next morning, and especially when Vanessa squealed with delight at the positive pregnancy test weeks later.

Now they were in a doctor's office for their first ultra sound. He thought something was wrong when the technician's eyebrows raised at the indiscernible blobs on screen.

"Twins," the doctor repeated, breaking Wade out of his short flashback. He tried to smile to give them some comfort. "And they look plenty healthy."

"Are you serious?" Wade asked. He was too stunned to utter a curse word.

"How?" Vanessa asked.

The doctor nodded at her like he knew exactly what she was asking. "Twins occur in about thirty-two cases per one thousand births."

There was a pause.

"You guys are technically lucky. You could buy lottery tickets later if you want," he joked.

Wade swallowed. His ears were still ringing. He felt sick. Taking care of one child was already going to be insane, and now he had two kids to keep alive.

Vanessa started tearing up. She rubbed at her face.

"Hey, don't worry about it," the doctor said, sounding alarmed. "A lot of parents are shocked when they realize they have twins at first, but they quickly adjust. They couldn't imagine anything but."

Vanessa sucked in a deep breath. It almost sounded like she was about to start hyperventilating. "Can you tell the genders yet? Or if they're identical or fraternal?"

"Not yet. It's too early; we can't tell until around week eighteen or twenty."

XXX

Vanessa and Wade stared out the windshield of their car as they drove home, deep in thought.

"What are we gonna do?" she asked. Her eyes were tinted with tears again.

He forced a smile. "We're going to do what we were going to do before we knew we made two babies instead of one."

"Wade."

"I'll make sure it's gonna be okay!" he promised, smiling like a worried idiot.

No one spoke for a few minutes.

"Hey, what if these kids develop a healing factor like you?" Vanessa asked. "It's part of your DNA now, right?"

Wade gave a painful shrug. "I don't know. We don't have a lot of mutants to study and see what happens to their children. Do they get weird, freaky powers, or do they stay normal?"

She gave a light laugh. "If they're identical, they could have weird, freaky twin powers," she suggested. "But our household doesn't need more powers. Although a healing factor wouldn't be a bad thing, especially if you ever put them in danger."

"What? I would never do that," he squeaked.

"If there's one thing I know for certain, is that you'll accidentally end up getting them into situations. But I also know you're going to get them out."

"What a vote of confidence," he quipped. He didn't feel all there. He felt like his voice was separated from his body and his body was separated from his soul.

They got home, parked the car, and walked into their beautiful house. Wade was able to afford it after some missions and stealing some bad guys' wallets. Many hundreds of dollars in stolen cash and atm withdrawals later, and boom, he bought a two-story, four thousand square foot house.

It was the biggest, nicest thing both of them had ever lived in.

Vanessa slowly dragged herself to the kitchen that looked like a Hobby Lobby exploded all over it; she'd gone crazy with the decorating. She put on an apron and took some chicken out of the fridge with shaky hands.

"Do you want me to cook tonight?" Wade asked.

"No. I need to be distracted."

Wade turned the tv on and propped up his feet. He flipped through the channels trying to find something. After several minutes, he settled on boxing, but even dudes beating each other up couldn't take his mind off of things.

They ate dinner at a gorgeous, glass table, mostly in silence. Vanessa picked it out, thinking it was the fanciest thing she'd ever seen. But glass didn't hide water marks nearly as well as anything else, and she was constantly wiping the table.

"It's good," Wade offered.

She gave a little scoff, moving her dark long hair behind her shoulder. "Thanks. I suppose I should get in the habit of cooking bigger portions."

Wade snickered. "It's gonna be great," he promised.

XXX

"It's gonna be a disaster! Colossus, what am I supposed to do?"

Deadpool sat in the X-men's castle in his costume. He held his head in his hands. Colossus was eyeing him with suspicion and curiosity. This was the most sensitive he'd ever seen the mercenary.

"Wade, calm down. You're going to be just fine. You love each other, have resources, and that's all you need to start happy family."

"I don't know why I thought this was a good idea! I shouldn't have agreed to one kid in the first place. Now I have two!"

Colossus waved him off. "The panic will subside, I promise. In meantime, has anyone planned baby shower for Vanessa?" he asked.

"A baby what?! Do other people give our babies showers?"

Colossus gave Deadpool a deep, disappointed frown. "A baby shower is where friends and family give new mother baby gifts. Clothes, diapers, anything you can use."

Deadpool let out a breath. If someone threw them a baby shower, he'd have to take some time to return the baby stuff he'd stolen.

XXX

Time fast forwarded at an unusual pace, especially when they discovered the twins definitely weren't identical. One was a boy and the other was a girl. No freaky twin powers for them—at least he didn't think so.

Vanessa spent much of her free time reading baby books and searching online for the perfect names. She rubbed her six-month baby bump.

"What do you think about Violet?" she asked happily, munching on an apple. "I love purple, and it starts with a V like my name."

"Eh. I don't know. It's cute, but it just doesn't ring true."

"How about Jasmine? What's prettier than that?"

"Sounds like a stripper name."

She pushed his shoulder playfully. "Excuse me? You have something against strippers?"

"Hey, nothing against you, babe. But my baby daughter cannot be a stripper."

Vanessa thought for a second. "Sophia?"

"Meh," he muttered with a shrug. "Sophia sounds like she's destined to be a ballerina or something."

Vanessa raised a brow. "Is that occupation off limits, too?"

"Can you imagine Deadpool's daughter as a ballerina? I don't think so."

"You haven't suggested a single name this time."

"Yeah, well, it sounds to me like you're mostly considering names for our daughter. What about our son? Do you already have a favorite?"

Vanessa giggled. "Of course, I have a favorite, and it's the boy. Girls are much more drama than boys."

"Oh," he said like he'd been burned. "If it's my son, he's going to be a hundred and six times worse than the girl."

Vanessa's eyes widened. "I was hoping my genes would temper yours."

"Keep hoping, darling. You're so cute when you think things."

She pushed him again.

"Hey, are you going to do this all the time? This is getting abusive," Wade whined.

"Wade! How are we going to pick names? You're being impossible."

"Chrysanthemum!" he said suddenly. "The flower. This way everyone will know how special she is."

Vanessa cackled. "Wade, that name sounds so pretentious!"

"Pretentious is one of the many pieces of my personality, though!"

"Oh, shut up. It is not."

"It is."

"Okay, what about our son, then? Do you have any names in mind?"

"Heck yeah!" he yelled. He'd been training himself not to curse at Vanessa's request. They were not going to be the couple with the cursing, loudmouthed babies. "Jaxon, but with an x!"

"Jaxon with an x," she said with some playful mockery. "You would want a name with an x in it."

"X for X-Force," he said like it was obvious.

"Well, I've always like Silas," she suggested.

"Silas?" he asked in complete disbelief. "Are we raising a super villain? Because that name will guarantee that we raise a super villain. You'll be the mother of the next Loki."

"Oh stop," she said, smiling. "It's a strong, confident name."

He paused like there was something wrong.

"What?" she asked.

"What if we can never agree on names? What if we leave the hospital with two nameless babies, and they grow up to be nameless children? What will we call them?"

Vanessa laughed yet again. "One of my favorite things about you is how you make me laugh."

"I know."

"If you didn't, it would make it much harder to forgive you for things."

"Oh yeah, like what?" he asked like an indignant child.

"Like when you ran away from me, or when you proposed with a candy ring."

Wade scoffed. "Oh, come on. That was your favorite flavor."

XXX

The birth was horrifying and bloody and nasty. It was a twenty-hour birth, and Vanessa had thankfully opted for the epidural. Once the magical medicine kicked in, they'd had a much better time waiting for their babies.

It came so slowly and all at once. The twins. A boy and a girl. Actually, their daughter first, and then their son. He'd figured that the boy would get to be the big brother, but not so.

The cleanup of the children was gag-inducing, but he soldiered on. He wasn't sure why childbirth bothered him when killing bad guys didn't.

It felt like forever until he finally got to hold them. Wade hadn't realized how tiny they would be. Their little heads were much smaller than his muscled, bumpy palms.

"They're going to cry when they see me," he said without thinking.

An exhausted Vanessa gave him a look that said he'd better stop putting himself down. "No they won't," she said firmly. "They'll love you just like I do."

Wade barely considered his wife's words. He wanted her to be right, but he would need some hard evidence that his children wouldn't care about his looks.

The man stared down at his tiny babies. "Welcome Cameron and What's-Your-Face."

Vanessa smirked. "We'll figure her name out."

XXXX

I thought I had the daughter's name figured out, but Ava just didn't sound right the next day. Then I figured that Scarlet would be perfect because he could name her after 'the blood of his enemies,' but then I realized Ryan Reynold's ex-wife was a Scarlet, and since Deadpool breaks the 4th wall, it just wouldn't work. You'll find the name out next time.

The plot isn't set in stone. I was thinking about skipping to important parts of their childhood and then fast forwarding to their teen years and fighting bad guys then. You can give suggestions if you want.

After doing some research, I found that fraternal twins always have two placentas and two sacs, but identical twins could have two placentas and two sacs, one placenta and two sacs, or one placenta and one sac. Therefore, the doctors couldn't tell right away if they were fraternal or identical.