Prologue

"I've been waiting for you to come rescue me. I need you to hold all of the sadness I cannot live with inside of me." -Sia

She never thought about him anymore. It had taken years of conscious effort to push him from her mind completely. Now, though, as she approached the sixth anniversary of that fateful day in Paris, she braced herself for the dreams. With calculated effort, she could keep him out of her thoughts during the day, but at night, he would visit her; he would torment her. Enduring the unknowns were hell, but the rawness with which he entered her dreams was the real torture. She hated him. She hated him so much, but that didn't erase the fact that she had once loved him so fiercely that she would've given her life for his.

Every year, the nightmares started in May on the anniversary of his failed proposal and continued through the end of September, sparking memories of the moment she found out that he had taken a bullet instead of giving up his hope for a future with her. She didn't find solace again until October, when her subconscious finally relented and gave her a reprieve from the pain of seeing his face on a nightly basis. Her doctor had prescribed a number of different medicines to help her sleep and control her anxiety, but nothing really worked. Two years ago, she underwent a sleep study, but it failed to yield any helpful solutions, only serving to confirm the existence of her night terrors.

No one knew the pain she still endured years later, not even Serena. The last time they had spoken his name was four months after the attempted proposal that ended in the revelation that he'd slept with Jenny Humphrey.

Blair rested her head in Serena's lap following a bout of uncontrollable sobbing until there were no tears left. Serena ran her hand through the brunette's hair in soothing circles, shushing her softly. "B, you can't keep doing this to yourself. Chuck -" she was cut off with a sniffle from her crying friend.

"They say it's a broken heart, but I hurt in my whole body," she placed her palm against her chest in emphasis, "What if I stay like this forever? What if I never get over Chuck?"

"You will," Serena nodded, "You'll see, and I'll be right here to help you through it all."

"How am I supposed to do that when I don't even know if he's okay? I don't know where he is, or if he's even alive -" her voice broke into a sob again, and Serena felt helpless.

She had never been more terrified for Blair than that moment in Harry Winston when the detective informed them that Chuck had been shot while holding onto her engagement ring. She was certain that Blair would collapse onto the floor of the jewelry store, but somehow she'd managed to keep herself upright, only to crumble the minute they returned to Harold's countryside estate. In the weeks following news of Chuck's assault, Blair fell into a nearly catatonic state of unresponsiveness. Serena remained firmly by her side, imploring her to pull through. She'd already lost her brother; she couldn't lose her best friend, too.

The investigation continued for over a month, but they never found any further evidence to confirm or discount Chuck's survival. The blood on the wallet was an ominous sign, but the lack of a body was perplexing. There were no hospital records to go off of, no use of his credit cards or withdrawals from any of his accounts, and his mortgage hadn't been paid in months. Three separate agencies - hired independently by Lily Humphrey, Bass Industries, and Blair Waldorf - launched private investigations in search of the young Bass heir, but none were able to uncover a single clue to his whereabouts or condition. Despite all of the hundreds of thousands of dollars and countless hours poured into the search, Chuck Bass had as good as disappeared from the face of the earth.

Serena stroked her fingers up and down Blair's arm, noting how frail she seemed lately. She felt tears sting her eyes for a multitude of reasons, and she choked out, "I know it will be hard, but you have to let him go. It's the only way to get on with your life."

"I can't, Serena. Even if I never see him again, he will always be a part of me." Her stomach hurt from hours of heaving into the toilet from a combination of nausea, exhaustion, and sorrow.

"He'll always be important to you, I know, but -"

"It's more than that, Serena," she whispered into her friend's arms, finally willing herself to speak the truth, "I'm pregnant. Five months along."

XOXO

"Oh, my sweet Cora," Eleanor cooed, lifting her granddaughter into her arms, "Gramma is so happy you are here. Are you excited to live in Paris for a while, my dear?"

The five-year-old looked at the elder Waldorf inquisitively, "I didn't really have a choice. Mommy said we were moving to Paris, so I had to come."

Eleanor chuckled, immediately flashing back to many similar conversations with a tiny Blair who was always far too mature for her age. "Well, it's only temporary, sweetheart, while Mommy transitions as CEO of Waldorf Designs so that I can officially retire. You'll be back in New York by the time school starts."

"I suppose," Cora huffed, folding her arms in front of her indignantly to communicate her frustration with the entire situation. "I hope Poppy Cyrus knows that he will be playing chess with me every night."

"He ordered a new chess set just for you," Eleanor winked as Blair sauntered into the kitchen, clear annoyance written in her expression as she typed out a text message without acknowledging her mother's presence. "Blair, dear," Eleanor called sarcastically, "Happy to see you, too."

Blair tossed her phone onto the countertop unceremoniously and walked over to kiss her mother on the cheek, "I'm sorry. It's good to see you, Mother. It's just -"

"Louis?" Eleanor guessed. "Blair, I don't know what your hesitation is. He proposed two months ago, and you still haven't given him an answer. Just think of Cora -"

Blair narrowed her eyes in anger, "I implore you, Mother, do not finish that sentence. Cora and I have been fine on our own for over five years; I do not need -" she looked down to see her daughter's curious expression trained on her intently, "Never mind. I told him I needed time; he has to give me that much. I've got too much going on right now to worry about marriage."

"We all know what's holding you back," Eleanor returned with vigor, "He isn't coming back, Blair. He's-"

Cora pulled impatiently on her mother's arm, "Mommy, I'm bored and hungry. You promised me we would go exploring when we landed. Mommy and Cora's day of fun. Please?"

Blair smiled at the little girl, but her heart ached slightly when she saw him staring back at her through dark almond eyes. "Of course, baby," Blair answered, "As soon as I get settled in, we will head out. Give me half an hour? I need to finish talking to Gramma. Go find Poppy Cyrus and tell him all about the duck pond we visited last week."

After Cora left toward Cyrus's study, Blair turned back to her mother, pure venom seeping through her veins. Through gritted teeth, she seethed, "Don't you dare mention him again, especially in front of Cora."

"She deserves to know the truth, Blair," Eleanor didn't back down. She knew she was pushing Blair, but she was tired of watching her daughter put her life on hold for a worthless dream, "His disappearance was probably the single most selfless thing that he ever did for you, whether it's because he chose to leave you alone or because he's actually dead -"

Before she realized that she had actually done it, Blair's hand fell from her mother's cheek in a loud slap, silence filling the room as both women stared at one another in shock. Blair's hand stung and angry tears welled in her eyes, "You don't get to talk about him. Ever. For now, Cora and I will be finding a new residence in town. If you want a relationship with your granddaughter, you will never cross that line again."

Before the older woman could respond, Blair turned on her heels and headed toward the door, "You ready, Cor? Let's go!"

A/N I know this is short, butI'm trying to gauge interest for this story. This is an idea I've had floating around in my head for a while. Please leave a review, and let me know what you think. :) Also, just to clarify, Blair never saw Chuck through the taxi window. She only heard about him being shot by the detective at Harry Winston.