Picking his way through the rubble, the Doctor reached the console and adjusted the controls, watching as the walls of the main room reformed, melding back together as though nothing had happened. Stretching, Eris moved to stand on the opposite side, trying to piece together the information on the scanner.
"I can't read any of this, the information's scrolling by too quickly."
He joined her, peering at the screen.
"It's not you, I can't read it either. Must be a technical fault of some kind, I'll sort it later. Want to check out what's outside?"
"No matter what I say, you're going to go anyway."
"Good point."
They walked out, cautious, into the corridor they had landed in. Somewhere close, a fog horn was blaring. A board detailing a list of shipping companies was the only real feature of the space. The sound of soft music and light chatter came from the next room.
At first glance, the large dining room they entered was very typical of the Edwardian era. High ceiling, exquisite chandeliers, ornate paintings on the dark walls. An abundance of circular tables surrounded a clear space in the centre of the room where a handful of couples were dancing. The band at the end of the space was playing a slow jazz song that sounded vaguely familiar, but neither of them could quite figure out what it was. The guests were dressed smartly, the men in tailored suits and the women in sparkly, flowy dresses.
But there were several things that made them second guess their original judgement. The first thing was the angels. Golden statues of masculine angels were dotted around the edges of the room, dressed in long white gowns. Their faces, halos and wings were obviously made of a smooth metal, and they stood out considerably against the rest of the early nineteenth century decor. Also, there were some… interesting guests. Most notably, a very short figure with red, spiked skin. It was wearing a dinner jacket like the rest, and seemed to be very comfortable chatting politely to the humans on board.
The Doctor felt a tug at his sleeve, and he turned. Eris was looking out of the window, a look of realisation on her face. He followed her line of sight, and understood too.
"Right."
As they stood there, a cool voice came over the tannoy.
"Attention all passengers. The Titanic is now in orbit above Sol Three, also known as Earth. Population, Human. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Christmas."
Outside the porthole was the immense darkness of space, studded with stars. And below, just in view, was the deep blue curve of the Earth.
A quick review of their outfits made the two of them realise that, if they continued to wear what they currently had on, they'd be noticed as outsiders within a moment. Even without the layer of dust and specks of rubble, the Doctor's questionable style choices and Eris' usual combination of jeans and a jumper were relatively conspicuous among all the glamour. They returned to the Tardis wardrobe, searching quietly for what they wanted. More than once, the Doctor took a breath, opened his mouth to speak, and then decided against it. Eris was only speaking to him in monosyllables at the moment, and he had a feeling that pushing her would result in a nasty argument.
He was finished first, and waited for his daughter in the console room. The last time he'd worn this tuxedo, the Lazarus incident had occurred, and he was very much hoping that nothing like that would happen this time. Surely a suit couldn't be unlucky… could it? He was snapped out of his thoughts by Eris' return to the console room, and he grinned. She looked incredible. Her hair was clipped back, with a few strands left free to frame her face. Once again she was wearing a suit - she'd once told him, long ago, back when his idea of a good outfit included capes, long scarves, and sticks of celery, that wearing dresses made her feel clumsy. This time, the suit was a soft jade green, and the shirt she had chosen was black satin. Against her pale, freckled skin, it gave her an almost ethereal look. He offered an arm.
"You look lovely. Those colours suit you so well."
She didn't answer, but slid her arm through his anyway. That was a good start.
As they returned to the hall, more things became obvious to them. On various wall screens, designed to look like the other paintings, were recordings of a bald man with a thin moustache. He sat behind a desk, an odd gleam in his eye, repeating the same phrase over and over.
"Max Capricorn Cruiseliners. The fastest, the farthest, the best. And I should know because my name is Max."
And then, as if it wasn't cliche enough, the man's gold tooth glinted.
They moved further into the room, pretending to mingle with people as they observed all the tiny details. A man, presumably a steward going by the Max Capricorn logo on his suit lapel, greeting them with a smile.
"Merry Christmas, sir, miss."
He smiled back. "Merry Christmas."
As they watched the people dancing, they heard a snippet of conversation from a rather uppity looking man as he brushed past them.
"...It's not a holiday for me, not while I've still got my vone. Now do as I say and sell. We don't want to get on the bad side of that Enyo lot."
Spotting the nearest angel statue, the two of them decided to go and check it out more closely. They had seen a few people talking to them, so presumably they were some kind of robot. Of course, they were quickly proved right. The Doctor shoved his hands in his pockets and slapped a wide grin on his face.
"Evening. Passengers fifty seven and fifty eight. Terrible memory. Remind me. You would be?"
"Information. Heavenly Host supplying tourist information."
A slight smirk crept onto Eris' red-tinted lips.
"Tourist information! Well, that's very useful. You see, he's an idiot-" He shot her a look, but she continued. Ah well, he thought. If she had the energy to be snarky, she was probably feeling a little better than she had done earlier. "And I'm going up the wall trying to put up with him. So, help rescue me from his constant questions; where did the ship's journey begin?"
The Host's voice was almost completely neutral.
"Information. The Titanic is en route from the planet Sto in the Cassavalian Belt. The purpose of the cruise is to experience primitive cultures."
Hearing the name of the shup again, the Doctor winced slightly.
"Titanic. Who thought of the name?"
"Information. It was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth."
He raised an eyebrow, and was relieved to see that Eris did the same.
"Did they tell you why it was famous?"
"Information. All designations are chosen by Mister Max Capricorn, president of Max, Max, Max-"
Suddenly, the Host began to twitch, it's neck spasming as it's voice got higher with every repetition of the name of the company's founder. The Doctor stepped closer, eager to get his hands on the inner workings.
"Ooo, bit of a glitch."
One of the stewards hurried over, directing the two of them away.
"It's all right, sir, we can handle this." Two more arrived and, pressing against a button at the back of the neck, turned it off before loading it onto a trolley and taking it away. "Software problem, that's all. Leave it with us, sir. Merry Christmas." As he walked away to join his colleagues, they heard him murmur.
"That's another one down. What's going on with these things?"
The two of them exchanged a look - obviously, something else was going on onboard the ship.
A crash from behind them caught their attention. The man that had passed them earlier had collided with a petite waitress, and she had dropped a full tray of drinks on the floor. He sneered down at her.
"For Tov's sake, look where you're going. This jacket's a genuine Earth antique."
She nodded. "I'm sorry, sir."
"You'll be sorry when it comes off your wages, sweetheart. Staffed by idiots. No wonder Max Capricorn's going down the drain."
He left, and the Doctor and Eris stooped to help pick the scattered glass up.
"Careful. There we go."
"Thank you, sir. I can manage."
The Doctor shot her a wink. "I never said you couldn't. I'm the Doctor, by the way."
She managed a smile. "Astrid, sir. Astrid Peth."
"Nice to meet you, Astrid Peth. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, sir."
Eris made a big show of leaning in, as if to tell her a secret.
"Trust me, there's no need to call him sir. His ego's big enough already."
As Astrid hid a giggle, the Doctor sighed.
"She's right. Just Doctor will do nicely."
"You enjoying the cruise?"
"Er, yeah, I suppose. I don't know. It doesn't quite work, a cruise without friends."
She looked between him and Eris, a little confused.
"But…"
"Ah, it's different when it's family. Eris is my daughter, she's pretty much stuck with me. We both have much more fun with a friend to keep us company. What about you? Long way from home, Planet Sto."
Astrid got to her feet and the others did the same. "Doesn't feel that different." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I spent three years working at the spaceport diner, travelled all the way here and I'm still waiting on tables."
Eris frowned. "No shore leave?"
"We're not allowed. They can't afford the insurance. I just wanted to try it, just once. I used to watch the ships heading out to the stars and I always dreamt of… It sounds daft."
Of course, the Doctor understood. "You dreamt of another sky. New sun, new air, new life. A whole universe teeming with life. Why stand still when there's all that life out there?"
"So, you travel a lot?"
"All the time. Just for fun. Well, that's the plan. Never quite works."
"Must be rich, though."
His grin widened. "Haven't got a penny. Stowaway."
"Kidding."
Eris nodded. "Seriously."
"No."
"Oh, yeah."
"How did you get on board?"
The Doctor shrugged. "Accident. I've got this, sort of, ship thing. I was just rebuilding her. Left the defences down. Bumped into the Titanic. Here I am. Bit of a party. I thought, why not?"
Astrid looked around them furtively. "I should report you."
"Go on then."
Instead, she smiled. "I'll get you a drink - on the house."
As she left them, the Doctor turned to make a joke with Eris, but she had already shut down again, unwilling to look him in the eye. He deflated a little. Why was she still so upset?
Their attention was soon drawn to a couple, who were looking rather uncomfortable. They were both rather large, and dressed in garish purple cowboy outfits adorned with silver stars. At the next table over, a group of slim, snooty-looking aristocrats were laughing. They were making it very obvious who they thought was such a subject of humour. Making their choice, and shooting the most disdainful looks they could manage at the table of toffs, the Doctor and Eris sat down with the couple. The man was talking soothingly to his wife, who looked rather upset.
"Just ignore them."
The Doctor nodded over his shoulder. "Something's tickled them."
The woman pulled a face. "They told us it was fancy dress. Very funny, I'm sure."
Her husband rolled his eyes. "They're just picking on us because we haven't paid. We won our tickets in a competition."
"I had to name the five husbands of Joofie Crystalle in By the Light of the Asteroid. Did you ever watch 'By the Light of the Asteroid'?"
Thinking for a moment, the Doctor said. "Is that the one with the twins?"
"That's it. Oh, it's marvellous."
The man sighed. "But we're not good enough for that lot. They think we should be in steerage."
For the first time since they'd sat down, Eris spoke.
"Well, can't have that, can we?"
And, taking the sonic screwdriver from one of her inside pockets - which made the Doctor's jaw drop slightly as he patted his own pockets down - she aimed it over her shoulder at the champagne bottle in the ice bucket on the table. The cork popped out of the bottle, spraying their expensive clothes with the sweet, sticky alcohol. As they floundered, the woman on their table gaped at her.
"Did you do that?"
She shrugged, handing the sonic back to her dad. "Maybe."
"We like you."
Her husband agreed. "We do. I'm Morvin Van Hoff. This is my good woman, Foon."
The Doctor grinned, going for a handshake. "Foon. Hello, I'm the Doctor."
Foon giggled. "Oh, I'm going to need a Doctor, time I've finished with that buffet. Have a buffalo wing. They must be enormous, these buffalo. So many wings."
As their new friends finished their food, he shot a look at his daughter.
"I thought I told you not to pinch my stuff."
She plastered an innocent look onto her face.
"No idea what you're talking about. You must have left it somewhere, I just picked it up."
"That 'somewhere' was my inside jacket pocket, Eris!"
"Well, maybe you should find somewhere more secure to put it."
He was delighted that they were bickering again - it was better than awkward silence. As he tried to make a comeback, an announcement was made.
"Attention please. Shore leave tickets Red Six Seven now activated. Red Six Seven."
Foon pulled hers and Morvin's tickets from a pocket.
"Red Six Seven. That's us. Are you Red Six Seven?"
He shrugged. "Might as well be."
Morvin grinned. "Come on, then. We're going to Earth!"
They filed along to a small area next to the dance floor, where a short, balding man in a slightly outdated tweed suit held up a placard.
"Red Six Seven. Red Six Seven. This way, fast as you can."
On the way, they bumped into Astrid, and she gestured at the tray she was carrying.
"I got you that drink."
The Doctor took the tray from her and set it down on a nearby table. "And I got you a treat. Come on."
"Red Six Seven departing shortly." The man gathering the tour group was doing a quick head count when he got to the front of the group. He flashed the psychic paper.
"Two Red Six Seven tickets, and a plus one."
The man nodded. "Quickly, sir, please, and take three teleport bracelets if you would."
He took them and went back to where he had left Astrid and Eris, handing one to each of them. As Eris slipped hers on, Astrid hissed at them both.
"I'll get the sack!"
He simply replied with, "Brand new sky."
She visibly caved, and moved to stand between her two new friends so she'd be less conspicuous among the group. The tour guide was introducing himself as everyone adjusted their teleport bracelets.
"To repeat, I am Mister Copper, the ship's historian, and I shall be taking you to old London town in the country of UK, ruled over by good King Wenceslas. Now, human beings worship the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve, the people of UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner like savages."
The look of disbelief on Eris' face was almost comical, and the Doctor could see that she was dying to say something. Hoping to be a little more casual about things than she was bound to be, he raised a hand.
"Excuse me. Sorry, sorry, but, er, where did you get all this from?"
"Well, I have a first class degree in Earthonomics. Now, stand by."
Just as he was about to activate the teleport link, the little red alien they had seen earlier ran up. It had a rather high, squeaky voice.
"And me! And me! Red Six Seven."
Mr Copper gestured to the dock. "Well, take a bracelet, please, sir."
The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "But, er, hold on, hold on. What was your name?"
The little red man replied. "Bannakaffalatta."
"Okay, Bannakaffalatta. But it's Christmas Eve down there. Late night shopping, tons of people. He's like a talking conker. No offence, but you'll cause a riot because the streets are going to be packed with shoppers and parties and-"
Mid-sentence, the teleport had been activated, and the group of tourists had appeared in the middle of an empty shopping street.
"Oh."
Focus on the word empty. This was London, on Christmas Eve, and there was nobody around. Mr Copper took a small card from his pocket.
"Now, spending money. I have a credit card in Earth currency if you want to buy trinkets, or stockings, or the local delicacy, which is known as beef. But don't stray too far, it could be dangerous. Any day now they start boxing."
As the real guests of the Titanic wandered about, cooing over the little shops, the Doctor frowned.
"It should be full. It should be busy. Something's wrong."
Next to him, Astrid had a giant smile on her face.
"But it's beautiful."
"Really? Do you think so? It's just a street. The pyramids are beautiful, and New Zealand."
Eris squeezed her hand, understanding.
"It's because it's new."
She nodded. "It's a different planet. I'm standing on a different planet. There's concrete and shops. Alien shops. Real alien shops! Look, no stars in the sky. And it smells. It stinks! Oh, this is amazing. Thank you!" And she hugged each of her new friends tightly, practically having to jump to get her arms around the Doctor's neck.
He grinned down at her.
"Yeah? Come on then, let's have a look."
The only thing that actually looked open near them was a small news stand, and they made that their first target. Inside stood an old man wearing red felt antlers, a hideous wooly jumper, and mittens. A Union Flag hung behind him. The only other things in the little space with him were stacks of newspapers and a small television.
The Doctor grinned at him. "Hello, there. Sorry, obvious question, but where's everybody gone?"
He laughed. "Oh ho, scared!"
"Right. Yes. Scared of what?"
The man shot him a funny look.
"Where've you been living? London at Christmas? Not safe, is it?"
"Why?"
"Well, it's them, up above. Look, Christmas before last we had that big bloody spaceship, everyone standing on a roof. And then last year, that Christmas Star electrocuting all over the place, draining the Thames."
Eris nudged her dad in the ribs, muttering. "I told you people would have noticed."
Astrid's eyes were wide. "This place is amazing."
The old man continued. "And this year, Lord knows what. So, everybody's scarpered. Gone to the country. All except me and Her Majesty."
He saluted the television screen as a news reporter stood in front of Buckingham palace - by the colour of the sky, it had been filmed earlier in the day.
"Her Majesty the Queen has confirmed that she'll be staying in Buckingham Palace throughout the festive season to show the people of London, and the world, that there's nothing to fear."
"God bless her. We stand vigil."
The Doctor nodded. "Well, between you and me, I think her Majesty's got it right. Far as I know, this year, nothing to worry about."
He had only just finished his sentence when the teleport bracelets were suddenly, and without warning, reactivated, leaving the old man in the news stand looking very confused as they disappeared.
"Then again…"
Back on the ship, the Doctor shot Mr Copper an irritated look.
"I was having a conversation!"
He looked anxious, and slightly sweaty. "Yes, I'm sorry about that. A bit of a problem. If I could have your bracelets."
One of the stewards approached the tour group, and Astrid ducked behind her friends. Thankfully, both of them were taller than her (even if the difference between her and Eris was only a few inches) and she couldn't be seen at all.
"Apologies, ladies and gentlemen, and Bannakaffalatta. We seem to have suffered a slight power fluctuation. If you'd like to return to the festivities. And on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners, free drinks will be provided."
Appeased by this, the group dispersed, heading back to the buffet or trailing across to the dance floor. Once the stewards had left, Astrid threw her arms around her friends again, smiling so widely that the natives of the Moon could probably see it.
"That was the best. The best!"
And before any of her superiors had the chance to see, she turned on her heel and went back to her work, as though nothing had ever happened.
The band started to play their next song, and the Doctor had an idea. He held out a hand.
"Dance with me."
Eris blinked up at him. "What?"
"Dance with me. Come on, it's been ages since we enjoyed some proper music. Cranleigh Hall was the last time, right? And even then things went wrong before we could finish the dance."
She thought for a moment, nodded. "I remember, yeah."
"Let's go then."
And before she had the chance to protest, he had pulled her onto the dance floor. After a moment of annoyance, she decided to accept the situation, and allowed him to take her into a waltz hold. They danced quietly for a short time, before the Doctor finally broached the topic he had been avoiding.
"Whatever I did, I'm sorry."
Eris frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Look, it's plainly obvious that you're upset with me. I'm not entirely sure why, but whatever I did, it certainly wasn't deliberate, I promise you that."
A mildly guilty look crossed her face.
"No, it… it's me."
Now, it was his turn to look confused.
"What?"
"I thought, after the Valiant you'd be angry with me. For putting myself at risk by standing up to the Master when I didn't have to."
His face fell. "Oh, Eris. Of course I'm not angry with you."
"But I saw the look on your face-"
"I was scared for you, daft child."
"Oh."
He tapped her on the nose. "You doing it made sense. He's always tolerated you much better than other people. The fact that he was clearly deranged scared the hell out of me, I didn't know how he'd react to you, what he'd do. But I was glad you were brave enough to do it."
She managed a weak smile.
"So I've been a bit of an idiot, then."
"Yeah, just a bit."
"Makes a difference from you doing it, I guess."
"Oi!"
The remaining tension between them dissolved like sugar in water as they fell about laughing, their giggles becoming more uncontrollable as the Doctor tripped over his own feet and bumped into a couple who shot them a disdainful glare.
They could barely hear the band over their laughter, the singer's voice was only just audible.
"You shouldn't be here. What's your tale? I ought to throw you to the whale. He just smiled and said, come here, let's dance. He said, borrow or steal, I'll find a way to be with my lover upon Christmas Day. And I'll run and I'll roam, I'll cover the ground. This Christmas I'll see you. I'll be around."
Dancing their way across the floor so it looked less suspicious to the stewards dotted around the room, the two of them made a beeline for one of the Max Capricorn frames on the far wall. Considering what they were about to do would probably count as criminal damage, being seen was something they wanted to avoid at all costs. As they approached the frame, the little video clip was still playing.
"And I should know because my name is Max. The fastest, the furthest, the best. My name is Max."
Rolling his eyes, the Doctor used the sonic screwdriver to unfasten the frame and access the electronics behind it while Eris kept watch. He fiddled with the channel momentarily, and peered round the side of the frame.
"Anything?"
"Yep, looks like the ship status readings. I'm not liking the look of the shield data though."
He spotted the problem immediately.
"Yeah, there isn't any. The shields are down."
Eris had noticed something else, equally as worrying.
"Dad, you might want to take a look at this…"
She trailed off, and he understood why as he looked out of the porthole. In the distance, but growing closer by the second, were three fiery meteorites.
Hacking the communication system, he punched in one of the identifier numbers listed on the back of the frame and hoped he was phoning the right place.
"Is that the bridge? I need to talk to the Captain. You've got a meteoroid storm coming in-" He moved to check the coordinates, and Eris took the handheld unit.
"West zero by north two. You need to check the scanners."
A disgruntled voice came through.
"Who is this?"
"Never mind that, your shields are down. Check your scanners, Captain. You've got meteoroids coming in and no shielding."
"You have no authorisation. You will clear the comms at once."
The Doctor snatched it back, raising his voice.
"Yeah? Just look starboard!"
Unfortunately, their conversation had attracted the attention of some of the stewards, and each of them now had a strong hand gripping their upper arm.
"Come with us sir, miss."
"You've got a rock storm heading for this ship and the shields are down."
As they were escorted through the room, he broke free and pushed himself onto the stage, grabbing the microphone.
"Everyone, listen to me! This is an emergency! Get to the lifeb-"
Before he could finish, one of the hosts seized him from behind and clamped a hand over his mouth, dragging him back to the stewards.
As the two of them were marched through the corridors, presumably to some kind of holding cell, they were followed by a little group of people. Bannakaffalatta and Astrid were doing their best to sing their new friends' praises.
"Them friends. Not trouble!"
"Sir, I can vouch for them!"
Eris scoffed, glaring at the man who was holding her.
"If you don't believe us, check the shields yourself."
Morvin and Foon followed close behind, trying a different tactic.
"Look, Steward, they've just had a bit too much to drink, that's all."
"They just need to sit quietly for a minute, they'll be okay."
Mr Copper had something entirely different on his mind.
"Sir, something seems to have gone wrong. All the teleports have gone down."
The head steward snapped back at him. "Not now!"
Groaning, the Doctor made another desperate attempt to get the man to listen.
"The shields are down. We are going to get hit."
From slightly further down the corridor, help came from an unexpected source - the man in the knock-off 'antique' suit that had been so rude to Astrid earlier.
"Oi! Steward! I'm telling you, the shields are down!"
"Listen to him. Listen to him!"
Too late - they were hit. The ship heaved violently as the fireballs collided, burning through the metal like a flame through paper. Crashes from the rooms above signalled massive structural collapses, and cracks started to appear at the border between the walls and the ceiling of the corridor as the weight from above shifted. The stewards fell away from their charges, struggling - like the others - to stay upright. They could hear a series of distant explosions before everything stopped. Silence. Then, the faint sounds of people groaning as they tried to shift themselves from under debris.
Morvin was doing his best to soothe his wife, who had gone very pale.
"It's all right, sweetheart."
The Doctor got to his feet, listening closely.
"I think it's stopped."
Apart from a few ominous creaks, there was very little sound. Happy with that for now, he turned to help Eris and Astrid off the floor.
"You two alright?"
Astrid nodded. "I think so."
Rubbing her side, Eris nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Just got knocked about a bit, that's all."
He sighed. "Bad name for a ship. Either that or this suit is really unlucky."
"It's definitely the suit."
Slightly further along the corridor, one of the stewards had composed himself enough to return to his usual professional tone.
"Er, everyone. Ladies and gentlemen, Bannakaffalatta. I must apologise on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners. We seem to have had a small collision."
His choice of words was unfortunate, and Morvin and the rich man both had something to say.
"Small?! Are you out of your mind?"
"Do you know how much I paid for my ticket?"
He tried again. "If I could have silence, ladies, gentlemen. Please." Still, a babble of chatter. "Quiet!" That did the trick. "Thank you. I'm sure Max Capricorn Cruiseliners will be able to reimburse you for any inconvenience, but first I would point out that we're very much alive."
As he talked, Astrid tugged at the Doctor's sleeve.
"It's Mr Copper, look."
The older man was still sat on the floor, a rather nasty looking cut on his head.
The three of them moved to check that he was alright as the steward continued.
"She is, after all, a fine, sturdy ship. If you could all stay here while I ascertain the exact nature of the situation."
Eris glanced up just in time to see him reaching for the handle that would open the nearest hatch.
"Wait, don't open that, it's not-!"
The integrity of the ship's exterior had obviously been obliterated by the meteorites, and now they were discovering just how badly. The steward was sucked out into the vacuum of space as all the oxygen rushed out. Everyone else had managed to find something to hang onto, but it was getting harder to maintain a strong grip by the second. Struggling, the Doctor managed to prise his sonic screwdriver from the inside pocket and aimed it at the nearest control panel. The message on it changed from 'Vaccuum Breach' to 'Oxygen Shield', and everyone relaxed, gasping slightly as the air restored itself.
"Oxygen shield stabilised."
He glanced around at the others quickly, happy to see that there didn't seem to be any major injuries. "Everyone all right? Astrid?"
"Yeah."
"Foon? Morvin? Mister Copper? Bannakaffalatta? You, what was your name?"
The man in the suit still had a sneer plastered across his face.
"Rickston Slade."
"You alright?"
He scoffed. "No thanks to that idiot."
Astrid's jaw dropped. "The steward just died!"
"Then he's a dead idiot."
Seeing Eris' face twist into a snarl as she stepped forward to confront him, the Doctor put an arm out in front of her.
"Alright, calm down. Just stay still, all of you. Hold on."
The girls followed him to the hatchway - or at least, where the hatch had been. Now, there was just a large hole.
"What happened? How come the shields were down?"
"I don't think it was an accident."
The space they could see was scattered with floating debris. And, heartbreakingly, a large number of bodies. Astrid shuddered, appreciating it when Eris took her hand and squeezed.
"How many dead?"
He shook his head. "We're alive. Just focus on that. I will get you out of here, Astrid, I promise. Look at me. I promise. Good. Now, if we can get to Reception, I've got a spaceship tucked away. We can all get on board and…"
Eris groaned, and cut him off. For a moment, he didn't understand why, but his hearts soon sank.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
With her free hand, Eris pointed to the Tardis where it drifted in the dark.
"That's our ship over there."
"Where?"
"There. That box. That little blue box."
She raised an eyebrow. "That's a spaceship?"
The Doctor looked down at her. "Oi, don't knock it."
"It's a bit small."
"A bit distant." He countered. "Trouble is, once it's set adrift, it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity, and that would be the Earth."
After watching for a few more moments, he returned to the control panel and found the speaking tube. "Deck twenty two to the bridge. Deck twenty two to the bridge. This is the Doctor. Is there anyone there?"
A young man's voice came through. He sounded a little strained, but they presumed that was just the stress of the crash.
"This is the bridge."
"Oh hello, sailor. Good to hear you. What's the situation up there?"
"We've got air. The oxygen field is holding, but the Captain, he's dead. He did it. I watched while he took down the shields. There was nothing I could do. I tried. I did try."
Hearing him getting weepy, Eris took the tube.
"It's alright, it's ok. You did what you could, that's all that matters now. What's your name?"
"Midshipman Frame."
"Well it's good to meet you, sir. I'm Eris. Now, are all the ship's diagnostics still working? Do we know what the state of the engines is?
He paused for a moment.
"They're er... Hold on."
The Doctor and Eris listened, alarmed, as he groaned. His footsteps were heavy on the metal floor, and it sounded like he was staggering a little.
"Have you been injured?"
"I'm alright. Oh, my Vot. They're cycling down."
A horrible feeling settled in the pit of his stomach and he leant against the wall, lowering his voice.
"That's a nuclear storm drive, yes?"
"Yeah."
"The moment they're gone, we lose orbit."
There was a slight pause as the sailor realised what he was saying.
"The planet."
"Oh, yes. If we hit the planet, the nuclear storm explodes and wipes out life on Earth. Midshipman, I need you to fire up the engine containment field and feed it back into the core."
"This is never going to work."
"Trust me, it'll keep the engines going until we can get to the bridge."
Unfortunately, the group had only heard a few bits of the conversation - and none of them were very encouraged by what they had heard. Foon's voice was shaking as she clung to her husband's arm.
"We're going to die."
Mr Copper had an odd look on his face. "Are you saying someone's done this on purpose?"
"We are. We're going to die."
Astrid shrugged helplessly. "We're just a cruise ship."
Not wanting the frightened babble to get out of hand, the Doctor held his hands out.
"Okay, okay. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. First things first. One. We are going to climb through this ship. B-"
Next to him, Eris sighed. "No. Two."
"Whatever. We're going to reach the bridge. Three. Or C. We're going to save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four, or D, or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes, why. Right then, follow me."
He turned on his heel, but Rickston wasn't quite satisfied with that.
"Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge and who the hell are you anyway?"
Turning back, he was quite an impressive sight. Standing in the centre of the hallway, framed by sparking wires and twisted metal, he simply exuded power.
"I''m the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm nine hundred and three years old and I'm the man who's going to save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?"
In comparison, Slade looked very small and humbled.
"No."
"In that case, allons-y!"
He moved to lead them down the corridor again, and Eris shot him a grin.
"You're such a drama queen."
"Oh, shut up."
Eventually, they reached a set of crew stairs which were barely visible under the debris. Still, it was the only way up they had found so far which had been relatively usable, so it was better than nothing. Scanning the structure quickly, he decided it was safe enough.
"Careful. Follow me."
Mr Copper chuckled as they made their way up. "Rather ironic, but this is very much in the spirit of Christmas. It's a festival of violence. They say that human beings only survive depending on whether they've been good or bad. It's barbaric."
"Actually, that's not true. Christmas is a time of peace and thanksgiving and-"
He winced as Eris' elbow made contact with his ribs.
"What are you on about? He's just described all of our Christmases down to the letter."
Shifting a large metal plate, they discovered something that was sure to come in handy.
"We've got a Host! Strength of ten. If we can mend it, we can use it to fix the rubble."
Morvin smiled widely. "We can do robotics. Both of us."
Foon agreed. "We work on the milk market back on Sto. It's all robot staff."
Eris nodded, moving further up so they could see what they were working with.
"Excellent. See if you can get it working. We're nearly at the top now, we'll see how bad the damage is up there."
Half of them made their way to the top, where they encountered another problem. Astrid groaned.
"It's blocked."
"So what do we do?"
"We shift it."
The Doctor grinned down at her. "That's the attitude. Rickston, Mister Copper, and you, Bannakaffalatta…" He pulled a slight face. "Look, can I just call you Banna? It's going to save a lot of time."
The little red alien glared up at him. "No. Bannakaffalatta."
"All right then, Bannakaffalatta. There's a gap in the middle. See if you can get through."
"Easy. Good."
He started to wriggle through the space - unfortunately, at the same time, another wave of tremors hit the ship. A little way down the stairs, Rickston rolled his eyes.
"This whole thing could come crashing down any minute."
Forcing a slight smile onto her face, Eris turned to look over the handrail.
"Oh, Rickston, I forgot. Did you get that message?"
He frowned. "No. What message?"
"Shut up!"
As the Doctor gave her a subtle high five, they heard Bannakaffalatta call through from the other side of the blockage.
"Bannakaffalatta made it."
Astrid crouched, peering through the gap. "I'm small enough, I can get through."
He nodded. "Careful."
"I'm fine."
Joining them, Rickston just couldn't keep his mouth shut.
"Thing is, how are Mr and Mrs Fatso going to get through that gap?"
"We make the gap bigger. So start."
Further down the staircase where they were working on the Host, Foon had heard Rickston's nasty comments and was clearly upset by them. Morvin did his best to get her to think about other things.
"Hey, hey. Come on, sweetheart. Don't listen to him."
"No, but it's all my fault, though. The tickets."
"We won them fair and square."
"I know." A guilty look crossed her face. "I never told you. I dialed the competition line five thousand times. That's five thousand credits. I might as well have paid for the tickets. I've been hiding the vone bill for months now."
His jaw dropped. "Five thousand credits? You spent five thousand credits?"
She buried her face in her hands. "Don't hate me."
But to her surprise, he started to laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"Five thousand?"
"We'll never pay that off."
"I know. I'll have to work twenty years, you mad, bloody woman."
"You're not cross?"
"Does it matter? Look at us. You drive me barmy. I don't half love you, Mrs Van Hoff. Come here."
And he pulled her in for a hug, both of them ignoring Rickston's next snide comment from above.
"What happened? Did they find a doughnut?"
Having wriggled her way through the hole, Astrid stood upright again and brushed herself off before calling back to the others.
"I can clear it from this side. Just tell me if it starts moving." Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the little red alien laying flat on the floor. "Bannakaffalatta, what's wrong?"
"Shush."
"What is it?"
"Can't say."
"Are you hurt?"
"Ashamed."
"Of what?"
Untucking his shirt from his waistband, he pulled the fabric up. "Poor Bannakaffalatta." Beneath it was a panel of silver metal, studded with buttons and flashing lights.
Astrid nodded. "You're a cyborg."
"Had accident long ago. Secret."
"No, but everything's changed now. Cyborgs are getting equal rights. They passed a law back on Sto. You can even get married."
He winked up at her. "Marry you?"
She shot him a grin. "Well, you can buy me a drink first. Come on. Let's recharge you. Just stay there for a bit."
"Tell no one."
"I promise."
Concerned by the lack of movement on the other side of the block, the Doctor called through.
"What's going on up there?"
She shouted back. "I think Bannakaffalatta and I just got engaged."
They also got an update from Morvin.
"We're almost done here!"
"Good, good, good."
Spotting a working comms terminal on the wall, Eris switched it on.
"Mr Frame, how's things?"
His response was far from reassuring.
"Eris, I've got life signs all over the ship but they're going out one by one."
Not liking that at all, the Doctor joined her. "What is it? Are they losing air?"
"No. One of them said it's the Host. It's something to do with the Host."
As they realised exactly what kind of trouble they were about to be in, they heard voices from below.
"It's working!"
And then in droll, metallic tones- "Kill."
He bellowed down at them. "Turn it off!"
"I can't, Doctor!"
"Kill. Kill. Kill."
The two of them ran down to help, each of them taking one of the Host's arms and trying to pull it away from Morvin's throat. It had quickly become apparent that the sonic screwdriver would be useless - the systems were double deadlocked - so brute strength was the only way forward.
After a few tense moments, they got it to let go.
"Quickly, go upstairs!"
As the Van Hoff's ran, the Host turned it's attentions to the Doctor.
"Information. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill."
Eris shouted up the stairs, aiming kicks at the Host to try and throw it off balance.
"Rickston, get them through!"
The man scoffed. "No chance." And he slid through the gap, saving his own skin first.
Mr Copper was horrified by his selfishness. "Rickston!"
Foon looked at the little space, shaking her head. "I'll never get through there."
"Yes, you can. Let me go first to widen it a bit."
And he started to work his way through, pushing at pieces of rubble as he went to try and expand the space.
The Host made another grab for the Doctor, but missed.
"Kill. Kill."
Eris moved back to the comm unit. "It's the Host, they've gone berserk. Are you safe up there?"
She didn't get the chance to hear his answer, as the Host forced the two of them further up the stairs. Foon was halfway through the debris pile, and struggling.
"Now I'm stuck!"
Astrid and Mr Copper were straining, levering the debris up with a long metal bar so that the hole would stay open. Foon managed to get through, but the weight was soon becoming difficult to handle.
"Rickston, vot damn it, help us."
He sneered back. "No way."
Now it was Morvin's turn to squeeze through, but like his wife he had the same problem. Half way through, he got stuck. The Host was quickly closing the distance between them, too.
"Kill. Kill. Kill."
From the other side, Astrid called out.
"Doctor, he's stuck!"
Nodding, he moved to stand behind Morvin as Eris put herself in the Host's way.
"Mr van Hoff, I know we've only just met, but you'll have to excuse me."
And he pushed the man's backside until he popped through, leaving the way clear.
"That's it. We've got you. Doctor, come on, get through."
Pushing Eris towards the hole, he had an idea.
"Information override! You will tell me the point of origin of your command structure!"
The group on the other side - now including Eris - knew that they couldn't keep it open much longer. "We can't hold it!"
The override worked. "Information. Deck thirty one."
"Thank you." And he climbed through with ease, making sure his feet were clear before shouting, "Let go!"
They let the bar go, and the debris crashed down - just as the Host was starting to climb through. It's head popped like a rotten orange, spraying tiny pieces of intricate metal across the floor.
The space they had come into was a corridor, and they were clearly close to some of the kitchens - there were a couple of trolleys filled with untouched food abandoned close by. Foon lit up when she saw them.
"Morvin, look. Food."
Rickston rolled his eyes. "Oh great. Someone's happy."
Her husband shot a scathing look at the man. "Don't have any then."
As the others (bar Rickston) helped themselves, the Doctor and Eris got back in contact with the bridge.
"Mr Frame, are you still there?"
"Yes, sir, but I've got Host outside. I've sealed the door."
"They've been programmed to kill. Why would anyone do that?"
"That's not the only problem, Doctor. I had to use a maximum deadlock on the door, which means no one can get in. I'm sealed off. Even if you can fix the Titanic, you can't get to the bridge."
"Yeah, right, fine. One problem at a time. What's on deck thirty one?"
Frame didn't understand why he wanted to know. "Er, that's down below. It's nothing. It's just the Host storage deck. That's where we keep the robots."
Eris, who'd been busy looking for the diagnostics, had found something interesting.
"Well, what's that? Do you see that panel on the system? Black. It's registering nothing. No power, no heat, no light."
"I've never seen it before."
"One hundred percent shielded."
The Doctor hummed, thinking. "What's down there?"
The young crewman tapped at a few buttons. "I'll try intensifying the scanner."
"Let me know if you find anything. And keep those engines going."
As they signed off, Astrid joined them, holding a plate stacked high with the leftovers.
"Saved you some. You might be a Time King from Gaddabee but you need to eat."
He took the plate with a smile. "Yeah, thanks."
"So, you look good for nine hundred and three."
"You should see me in the mornings."
"Okay."
Eris had to thump him on the back as he choked on a mouthful of food, unable to keep a smile off her face. Mr Copper joined them.
"Doctor, it must be well past midnight, Earth time. Christmas Day."
Seeing as he was recovering, Eris answered for him. "So it is. Merry Christmas."
Astrid pulled a face. "This Christmas thing, what's it all about?"
Having finally cleared his throat, he waved them off. "Long story. I should know, I was there. I got the last room."
Mr Copper frowned. "But if the planet's waking up, can't we signal them? They could send up a rocket or something."
"They don't have spaceships."
"No, I read about it. They have shuffles. Space shuffles."
Once again, Eris was seriously doubting the credibility of his qualifications.
"Mr Copper, this degree in Earthonomics, where's it from?"
He sighed. "Honestly?"
"Just between us."
"Mrs Golightly's Happy Travelling University and Dry Cleaners."
Astrid's jaw dropped. "You… you lied to the company to get the job?"
"I wasted my life on Sto. I was a travelling salesman, always on the road, and I reached retirement with nothing to show for it. Not even a home. And Earth sounded so exotic."
The Doctor smiled. "Hmm. I suppose it is, yeah."
"How come you know it so well?" Astrid glanced across at him, seeing the fondness in his eyes.
"I was sort of, a few years ago, I was sort of made, well, sort of homeless, and, er, there was the Earth."
Mr Copper still looked pretty grim. "The thing is, if we survive this, there'll be police and all sorts of investigations. Now the minimum penalty for space lane fraud is ten years in jail. I'm an old man. I won't survive ten years."
A loud, sudden banging on a nearby door made all of them jump to their feet. Eris quickly realised what was causing it.
"A Host! Move! Come on!"
Flooding down the corridor, they moved through the next series of bulkheads and came into one of the engineering spaces. It was immediately obvious that this was not an ideal place to be stuck - between the walkways on each side of the area was a vast chasm, bridged only by a narrow fallen beam. Rickston looked at the railings bordering the walkway anxiously.
"Is that thing the only way across?"
Leaning over them to peer down into the void below, Eris shrugged.
"On the other hand, it is a way across. Better than nothing if you ask me."
Standing next to her, Astrid gasped. Far below, the space was filled by colossal golden orbs, crackling and sparking in the dark. "The engines are open."
The Doctor nodded. "Nuclear storm drive. As soon as it stops, the Titanic falls."
Morvin was, understandably, being careful about where he put his feet.
"But that thing, it'll never take our weight."
Rickston snorted derisively. "Yeah. You're going last, mate."
Ignoring him, the Doctor tried to provide some reassurance.
"It's nitrofine metal. It's stronger than it looks."
He shook his head. "All the same, Rickston's right. Me and Foon should-"
Unfortunately, he had stepped forwards again while he was talking, and had ended up in just the wrong place at just the wrong time. The metal beneath him buckled, giving way, and he fell forwards. The others could do nothing but watch, horrified, as he fell into the chasm, vanishing from sight among the bright light.
Foon got to her knees, trying to look over the edge.
"Morvin!"
Thankfully, the short conversation between Rickston and Mr Copper wasn't audible to her as she called out to her husband.
"I told you. I told you!"
"Just shut up. Shut up!"
As the Doctor moved into her eyeline, Foon grabbed at his jacket.
"Bring him back! Can't you bring him back? Bring him back, Doctor!"
He shook his head, solemn. "I can't. I'm sorry, I can't."
"You promised me."
"I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
The time she had to mourn was cut short by the sound of loud banging growing closer from the bulkheads. Mr Copper stood wringing his hands together.
"Doctor, I rather think that those things have got our scent."
Hearing this, Rickston made a beeline for the makeshift bridge.
"I'm not waiting."
As he took his first few steps onto it, Eris called to him. "Careful. Take it slowly!"
Just at that moment, the ship shook again, and the man lost his balance, dropping to his knees on the narrow metal. It took him a moment to stand upright again, and when he did, his voice was shaking.
"Oh, Vot help me."
"You're okay. A step at a time. Come on, you can do it."
Faint voices grew louder by the second.
"Kill. Kill. Kill."
Backing away from the door, Mr Copper blanched. "They're getting nearer."
Raising the sonic screwdriver, the Doctor aimed at the bulkhead controls.
"I'm sealing us in."
"You're leaving us trapped, wouldn't you say?"
"Never say trapped, just inconveniently circumstanced."
"Right."
Astrid had knelt next to Foon, wrapping her arms around the shaking woman as she babbled.
"Maybe he's all right. Maybe, maybe there's a gravity curve down there or something. I don't know. Maybe he's just unconscious."
"I'm sorry, Foon. He's gone."
Rickston made it safely to the other side and stood congratulating himself as the Doctor started to encourage the others across.
"Bannakaffalatta, you go next."
He nodded. "Bannakaffalatta small." And he started across the beam, moving at a pace that frightened the others slightly.
"Slowly!"
A steady banging on the bulkhead door reminded all of them that there was actually very little keeping the Host away from them. Mr Copper groaned. "They've found us."
"Astrid, get across right now."
She frowned. "What about you?"
"Just do it. Go on. Mr Copper, we can't wait."
"No, but we-"
"Don't argue." As Eris started to guide the others onto the beam, he crouched next to Foon.
"Foon, you've got to get across right now."
She stared up at him through tear-clogged eyelashes. "What for? What am I going to do without him?"
"Just think. What would he want, eh?"
"He don't want nothing. He's dead."
On the other side, Rickston had encountered a problem.
"Doctor, I can't open the door. We need the whirling key thing of yours."
"I can't leave her."
"She'll get us all killed if we can't get out."
He paused for a moment, silently communicating with Eris as she set out across the beam. The look on her face said it all - Mr Slade was right, but it certainly didn't need to be said out loud. Making the decision, he squeezed her shoulder.
"Mrs van Hoff, I am coming back for you. Alright?"
When she nodded, he made his way onto the rickety bridge. It started to creak once again, and Bannakaffalatta called back to them.
"Too many people!"
"Oi! Don't get spiky with me. Keep going."
There were now five people trying to cross the bridge all at once, so naturally it was a little precarious. The little red alien and Astrid just about managed to get across the narrowest part in the middle.
"It's going to fall."
The Doctor called forwards to them, very aware that he and Eris were nowhere near the other side and that they still had to go back for Foon.
"It's just settling. Keep going."
Just then, everything went quiet.
The banging ceased.
Everyone on the bridge froze in place, listening carefully. Nothing. Astrid sounded cautiously optimistic.
"They've stopped."
Bannakaffalatta shrugged. "Gone away?"
Eris shook her head, a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Why would they give up?"
Waiting by the opposite door, Rickston rolled his eyes. "Never mind that. Keep coming."
"Where have they gone? Where are the Host?"
While the others had been listening, Mr Copper had been looking, so he was the first to spot exactly how much trouble they were in. "I'm afraid we've forgotten the traditions of Christmas. That angels have wings!"
Every one of them looked up to see the angels descending, hovering serenely in the air as they drew level, their golden faces as blank as ever.
"Information. Kill."
As the Hosts began to remove their haloes, the Doctor spotted some loose pipes.
"Arm yourself, all of you."
Everyone grabbed one, using them as makeshift bats to defend themselves from the razor-edged haloes. It proved to be an effective technique for a while, but soon the onslaught became too much for them to handle. Mr Copper and the Doctor both got slashed, and in the process of trying to deflect three haloes at once, Eris lost her footing and slipped from the beam.
The sight of her fingers clinging to the edge was the only thing that allowed the Doctor to stay focused on keeping the others safe. But they were all struggling - they weren't going to be able to keep it up much longer.
Astrid was gasping for breath. "I can't."
Seeing the others faltering, their spiky red friend made a choice. "Bannakaffalatta stop. Bannakaffalatta proud. Bannakaffalatta cyborg!"
Lifting his shirt, he sent out an energy pulse. The waves short-circuited all of the Host, sending them plummeting down into the engine core. One slumped onto the walkway, completely motionless. The second he was sure they were safe, the Doctor reached down and hauled Eris back onto the beam, hugging her tightly the moment both her feet were on the metal.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, fine. Thanks."
"Electromagnetic pulse took out the robotics. Oh, Bannakaffalatta, that was brilliant!"
But the little red cyborg had collapsed.
Astrid moved to kneel by him, eyes wide. "He's used all his power."
He managed to wheeze a little. "Did good?"
"You saved our lives."
"Bannakaffalatta happy."
"We can recharge you. Get you to a power point and just plug you in."
"Too late."
"No, but you've got to get me that drink, remember?"
"Pretty girl."
And he slipped away. Mr Copper leant over and reached for a component on his chestplate.
"I'm sorry. Forgive me."
"Leave him alone."
"It's the EMP transmitter. He'd want us to use it. I used to sell these things. They'd always give me a bed for the night in the cyborg caravans. They're good people. But if we can recharge it, we can use it as a weapon against the rest of the Host. Bannakaffalatta might have saved us all."
As he took the silver tube in his hands, Rickston shouted across to them.
"Do you think? Try telling him that!"
Those still on the bridge turned - the Host that had landed behind them was moving again.
"Information. Reboot."
"Use the EMP!"
Mr Copper and Astrid fussed over the transmitter.
"It's dead. It's dead."
"It's got to have emergency."
Seeing an opportunity, the Doctor started talking. "No, no, no. Hold on. Override loophole. Security protocol ten. Six six six. Er, twenty one, four, five, six, seven, eight. I don't know, forty two? Er, one!"
It stopped mere inches away from him.
"Information. State request."
"Good. Right. You've been ordered to kill the survivors, but why?"
"Information. No witnesses."
"But this ship's going to fall on the Earth and kill everyone. The human race have nothing to do with the Titanic, so that contravenes your orders, yes?"
"Information. Incorrect."
"But why do you want to destroy the Earth?"
"Information. It is the plan."
"What plan?"
"Information. Protocol grants you only three questions. These three questions have been used."
"Well, you could have warned me."
From behind his shoulder, Eris sighed. "Yes, well we'll remember that for next time, won't we?"
"Information. Now you will die."
As the Host raised it's halo, it was lassoed from behind by a loop of rope. They stared for a moment, baffled, until Foon appeared over the robot's shoulder.
"You're coming with me."
None of them worked out what she meant until she jumped, dragging the Host down with her and plunging into the engine below.
There was a horrible silence in the aftermath. Shaking, the Doctor felt Eris rest her head against his back.
"No more. There can't be any more."
Once they were safely into the next corridor, the Doctor laid out the next stages of his plan.
"Right. Get yourself up to Reception One. Once you're there, Mr Copper, you've got staff access to the computer. Try to find a way of transmitting an SOS. Astrid, you're in charge of the EMP transmitter. Once it's powered up, it'll take out a Host within fifty yards but then it needs sixty seconds to recharge. Got it? Rickston, take the sonic. I've preset it. Just hold down that button, it'll open doors. Do not lose it! You got that? Now go and open the next door. Go on, go!"
"Alright!"
He picked up a first aid kit.
"Mr Copper, you're going to need this. I need you fighting fit. Astrid, where's the power points?"
She pointed to the nearest intact computer unit. "Under the comms."
They crouched, watching the transmitter charge.
"See, when it's ready, that blue light comes on there."
"You're talking as if you're not coming with us."
"There's something down on deck thirty one. I'm going to find out what it is."
"What if you meet a Host?"
Seeing how worried Astrid looked, Eris patted her shoulder comfortingly.
"We'll be ok, we always are. I'm sure we can have some fun while we're at it."
"Sounds like you two do this kind of thing all the time."
He shrugged. "Not by choice. All I do is travel. That's what I am. Just a traveller. Imagine it. No tax, no bills, no boss. Just the open sky."
She looked between the two of them. "I'm sort of unemployed now. I was thinking the blue box is kind of small, but I could squeeze in it, like a stowaway."
"It's not always safe."
"So you need someone to take care of you both. It's always good to have an extra pair of eyes. I've got no one back on Sto. No family, just me. So what do you think? Can I come with you?"
Eris grinned. "I'd love it if you did."
Standing, the Doctor tapped into the comms again.
"Mr Frame, you still with us?"
The poor young crewman sounded like he was in an incredible amount of pain.
"It's the engines, sir. Final phase. There's nothing more I can do. We've got only eight minutes left."
"Don't worry, we'll get there."
"But the bridge is sealed off."
"Yeah, yeah, working on it. I'll get there, somehow." He switched off, turning to the others. "All charged up? Mister Copper, look after her. Astrid, look after him. Rickston, er, look after yourself. And we'll see you again, I promise. We're coming back."
He and Eris turned to leave, but Astrid grabbed their hands.
"Hold on! There's an old tradition on Planet Sto."
"We have really got to go."
"Just wait a minute."
She got up onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, before turning to Eris. She paused for a second, and then went straight for the lips. The moment was tender, if short lived, and the tiny blonde pulled the two of them into a hug before letting them go.
"See you later."
Eris shot her a wink. "Oh, definitely!"
And the two of them turned back the way they had come.
They made it all the way through to the galley before encountering the Host again. As they reached upwards, the Doctor grabbed a large pan to use as a weapon.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Security protocol one. Do you hear me? ! Okay, that gives me three questions. Three questions to save my life, am I right?"
"Information. Correct."
"No, that wasn't one of them. I didn't mean it. That's not fair. Can I start again?"
"Information. No."
"No! No, no, no, no. That wasn't a question either. Blimey. One question left. One question."
Eris rolled her eyes and elbowed past him. "Stop talking before you get us both killed. So, you've been given orders to kill the survivors but survivors must therefore be passengers or staff, but not us. We aren't passengers and we certainly aren't staff. Go on, scan me. Scan both of us. You must have bio-records. No such people on board. Neither of us exist, therefore you can't kill us. Therefore, we're stowaways, and stowaways should be arrested and taken to the nearest figure of authority. And by my reckoning, the nearest figure of authority is on deck thirty one."
Seeing that the Host were listening, the Doctor grinned.
"Final question. Is she right?"
There was a pause, almost like the robots were unwilling to admit the truth.
"Information. Correct."
"Brilliant. Take us to your leader."
As they were seized by the arms, his smile widened even further.
"I've always wanted to say that."
The others made it back to reception, swiftly despatching the Host before Astrid took charge.
"Rickston, seal the doors, make the room secure. Mr Copper, keep an eye on the Host. I need to check the computer. We need that SOS."
Unfortunately the computer wasn't functional, but the rack of teleport bracelets next to it still looked like they were online. She grabbed the speaking tube.
"Bridge, This is reception one."
Mr Frame answered. "Who's there?"
"Astrid Peth. I was with the Doctor. Tell me, can you divert power to the teleport system?"
"No way. I'm using everything I got to keep the engines running."
"It's just one trip. I need to get to deck thirty one."
"And I'm telling you, no."
She groaned, resisting the urge to smack her head against the rack. "Mr Frame, Eris and the Doctor went down there together. We don't know what's down there, they could be in all sorts of trouble. And I, I can't just leave them. They've done everything they can to save us. It's time we did something to help them too."
He was quiet for a moment, before relenting. "Giving you power."
Astrid snapped one of the bracelets shut around her wrist.
"Mr Copper, I'm going to find him."
They arrived in an open space on deck 31, still held tightly by the robots.
"Wow. Now that is what you call a fixer upper. Come on then, Host with the most, this ultimate authority of yours. Who is it?"
One of them stepped forwards to open a pair of doors, and the Doctor raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, that's clever. That's an omnistate impact chamber. Indestructible. You can survive anything in there. Sit through a supernova. Or a shipwreck. Only one person can have the power and the money to hide themselves on board like this and I should know, because…"
A large, boxy device on wheels rolled towards them. Inside the clear perspex box on the top was a smooth, bald head, wired into the machinery.
The man grinned. "My name is Max." And his gold tooth glinted in the dim light.
Eris scoffed. "It really does that?"
"Who the hell is this?"
The Doctor waved cheerily. "I'm the Doctor and this is Eris. Hello."
"Information. Stowaways."
"Well."
Capricorn scoffed. "Kill them."
Eris pulled a face. "Oh, no, no, no. Wait, but you can't. Not now. Come on, Max. You've given me so much good material like, how to get ahead in business."
The Doctor snorted. "See? Head? Head in business? No?" The glare his daughter shot him made it abundantly clear that she didn't appreciate the humour.
Max managed a smirk. "Oh, ho, ho, the office joker. I like a funny man. No one's been funny with me for years."
"I can't think why."
"A hundred and seventy six years of running the company have taken their toll."
"Yeah but, nice wheels."
"No. A life support system, in a society that despises cyborgs. I've had to hide away for years, running the company by hologram. Host, situation report."
"Information. Titanic is still in orbit."
Clearly displeased with this information, he wheeled over to look down at the engine pit. "Let me see. We should have crashed by now. What's gone wrong? The engines are still running! They should have stopped!"
The Doctor frowned. "When they do, the Earth gets roasted. I don't understand. What's the Earth got to do with it?"
"This interview is terminated."
"No. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I can work it out. It's like a task. I'm your apprentice. Just watch me. So, business is failing and you wreck the ship so that makes things even worse. Oh, yes! No. Yes. The business isn't failing, it's failed. Past tense."
"My own board voted me out. Stabbed me in the back."
"If you had a back. So, you scupper the ship, wipe out any survivors just in case anyone's rumbled you and the board find their shares halved in value. Oh, but that's not enough. No. Because if a Max Capricorn ship hits the Earth, it destroys an entire planet. Outrage back home. Scandal! The business is wiped out."
"And the whole board thrown in jail for mass murder."
Eris looked disgusted by his plan. "While you sit there, safe inside the impact chamber."
"I have men waiting to retrieve me from the ruins and enough off-world accounts to retire me to the beaches of Penhaxico Two, where the ladies, so I'm told, are very fond of metal."
He leered at her, and she raised an eyebrow.
"Not me, thanks. I actually have taste."
Jumping in to distract Max in case her words had angered him, the Doctor nodded.
"So that's the plan. A retirement plan. Two thousand people on this ship, six billion underneath us, all of them slaughtered, and why? Because Max Capricorn is a loser."
"I never lose."
"You can't even sink the Titanic."
"Oh, but I can, Doctor. I can cancel the engines from here."
On cue, an alarm started to blare.
"Engines closing. Engines closing."
"You can't do this!"
"Host, hold him. Not so clever now, Doctor. A shame we couldn't work together. You're rather good. All that banter yet not a word wasted. Time for me to retire. The Titanic is falling. The sky will burn. Let the Christmas inferno commence. Oh. Oh, Host. Kill them both."
"Mr Capricorn!"
At the sound of the new voice, everyone looked towards the sound. Astrid was there, sat in a forklift.
"I resign."
The Doctor and Eris watched, horrified, straining against the Host that held them as she secured the forks under Capricorn's life support machine and the two pushed against each other, with slow progress being made towards the guard rail at the edge of the chasm. Another Host threw it's halo which glanced off the side of the forklift cab with a shower of sparks. It's speed increased, and Eris realised what had happened.
"He's cut the brake line!"
Realising that there was no other way, Astrid slammed her foot down on the accelerator and powered both of them forwards through the guard rails before plummeting into the depths.
Managing to break free from the robot's grip, the two of them made it to the edge just in time to see their friend disappear in the harsh golden light of the engines. Above, the voice of the computer only added to their problems.
"Titanic falling. Voyage terminated. Voyage terminated."
The last thing that poor Midshipman Frame had been expecting to see as he tried to steer the falling liner was two people smashing through the floor of the bridge, bordered by two Host.
"Deadlock broken."
The Doctor grinned. "Ah, Midshipman Frame. At last."
He pointed at the robots, still afraid. "Er, but, but the Host."
"Controller dead, they divert to the next highest authority, and that's me."
"There's nothing we can do. There's no power. The ship's going to fall."
Eris took off her jacket and pushed her shirtsleeves up to her elbows.
"Not if we've got anything to do with it."
As she ducked under the console, the Doctor got in place at the ship's wheel.
"What's your first name?"
The young man gave him an odd look. "Alonso."
"You're kidding me."
"What?"
"That's something else I've always wanted to say. Allons-y, Alonso."
He took over the steering as they hit the upper atmosphere, struggling against the half-ruined controls. Approaching the cloud layer at great speed, he called down to Eris.
"Scanner!"
There was a slight fizz of sparks before she answered.
"West central London! Oh, and you'll never guess where exactly."
He groaned, grabbed the comms, and patched it through.
"Oh. Hello, yes. Could you get me Buckingham Palace? Listen to me. Security code seven seven one. Now get out of there!"
The three of them whooped as the computer told them what they wanted to hear.
"Engines active. Engines active."
And finally, the Doctor was able to direct the ship upwards and away from the city, only relaxing once they were back out into space.
Everything settled, and the three of them fell back against one of the walls.
"Used the heat of re-entry to fire up the secondary storm drive. Unsinkable, that's me."
Eris poked him in the shoulder. "Only because I reattached the steering column. You didn't even bother to check it before starting."
Alonso had a bright smile on his face, unbothered by their bickering. "We made it."
The Doctor's expression dropped slightly.
"Not all of us." And then, realisation hit. "Teleport! She was wearing a teleport bracelet! Come on!"
He had practically flown down to the reception area, leaving Eris and Alonso with little choice but to follow him. Naturally, they were quite far behind - Alonso was struggling with his wound, and Eris was finding it hard to keep them both upright as they navigated the rubble strewn floor. Bursting through the doorway, the Doctor held out a hand.
"Rickston, sonic!" The man tossed it to him and he caught it with ease before darting over to the bank where the teleport bracelets had been kept.
"Mr Copper, the teleports, have they got emergency settings?"
"I don't know. They should have."
"She fell, Mr Copper. She fell. What's the emergency code?"
"Er, let me see."
As they worked at it, the others made it into the room. Alonso stared a them.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"We can bring her back."
Mr Copper explained as the Doctor set to work on the wiring.
"If a passenger has an accident on shore leave and they're still wearing their teleport, their molecules are automatically suspended and held in stasis, so if we can just trigger the shift-"
"There!"
A faint, blue tinted image of Astrid appeared. She was translucent, wide-eyed, panting.
"I'm falling."
"Only halfway there. Come on."
"I keep falling."
The Doctor was looking more insane by the second, his hair an even wilder mess than usual as he ran his hands through it over and over, desperately trying to think. "Feed back the molecule grid. Boost it with the restoration matrix. No, no, no, no, no! Need more phase containment."
Everyone else in the room could see it. He was just refusing to acknowledge it. Eris took a tentative step closer, resting a hand on his shoulder.
"Doctor."
"No! If I can just link up the surface suspension."
"Dad." She crouched next to him, moving to squeeze his free hand. "I'm sorry, but she's gone."
"I just need to override the safety. I can do this. I can do it."
Mr Copper stood on his other side. "Doctor, let her go."
He punched the panel. "I can do anything!"
In the quiet that followed, they could all hear Astrid's soft voice.
"Stop me falling."
"There's not enough left. The system was too badly damaged. She's just atoms, Doctor. An echo with the ghost of consciousness. She's stardust."
Finally giving in, he got to his feet. "Astrid Peth, citizen of Sto. The woman who looked at the stars and dreamt of travelling." He pressed a gentle kiss to her semi-solid forehead. "Now you can travel forever." Directing the sonic screwdriver at the nearest window, they all watched as it opened and Astrid became specks of pale blue light. She hovered in the air in front of them for a few moments, before drifting out into the darkness of space.
"You're not falling, Astrid, you're flying."
Uncomfortable with staying in the reception room any longer, the group made their way up to the bridge. Alonso scanned over the ship's diagnostics, sighing in relief when the checks were complete.
"The engines have stabilised. We're holding steady till we get help, and I've sent the SOS. A rescue ship should be here within twenty minutes. And they're digging out the records on Max Capricorn. It should be quite a story."
Mr Copper looked a little pale. "They'll want to talk to all of us, I suppose."
"I'd have thought so, yeah."
"I think one or two inconvenient truths might come to light. Still, it's my own fault, and ten years in jail is better than dying."
Rickston approached them, his vone in his hands. "Doctor, I never said thank you. The funny thing is, I said Max Capricorn was falling apart. Just before the crash, I sold all my shares, transferred them to his rivals. It's made me rich. What do you think of that?"
Thankfully, his vone rang and he answered it, sparing him from the verbal attack that Eris had clearly been building up to since they'd met.
"Salvain. Those shares. I want them triple bonded and locked."
As he walked away to continue his call in privacy, Mr Copper spoke in a low voice. "Of all the people to survive, he's not the one you would have chosen, is he? But if you could choose, Doctor, if you decide who lives and who dies, that would make you a monster."
Reassured by the man's insight, the Doctor dipped into his pocket and took out one of the teleport bracelets.
"Mr Copper, I think you deserve one of these."
Watching as the Doctor and Eris snapped a bracelet onto their own wrists, he made his decision and accepted the offer. Seeing what they were doing, Alonso shot the little group a salute as they vanished.
The Tardis had parked itself on Hampstead Heath, and as the Doctor and Eris made their way towards it through the snow, Mr Copper recounted what they had been trying to teach him.
"So, Great Britain is part of Europey, and just across the British Channel, you've got Great France and Great Germany."
The Doctor shook his head. "No, no, it's just, it's just France and Germany. Only Britain is Great."
"Oh, and they're all at war with the continent of Ham Erica."
"No. Well, not yet. Er, could argue that one." He patted the sid eof the ship lovingly. "There she is. Survive anything."
Looking up at the suspiciously cloud-free sky, Mr Copper sighed. "You know, between you and me, I don't even think this snow is real. I think it's the ballast from the Titanic's salvage entering the atmosphere."
Eris nodded, arms folded across her aching ribs.
"Yeah. I hope one of these days we'll get real snow."
"So, I suppose you'll be off."
The Doctor managed a smile. "The open sky."
"And, what about me?"
His expression dropped a little. "It's just the two of us. Believe me, it's best that way."
"What am I supposed to do?"
"Give me that credit card."
Handing the card over, Mr Copper shrugged. "It's just petty cash. Spending money. It's all done by computer. I didn't really know the currency, so I thought a million might cover it."
Eris raised an eyebrow. "A million? Pounds?"
"Is that enough for trinkets?"
"Mr Copper, a million pounds is worth…" It took her a moment to do the maths. "-fifty million credits."
His jaw dropped. "How much?"
The Doctor confirmed her rough calculation. "Fifty million and fifty six."
"I've got money."
"Yes, you have."
"Oh, my word. Oh, my Vot! Oh, my goodness me. Yee ha!"
"It's all yours. Planet Earth. Now, that's a retirement plan. But just you be careful, though."
He was dancing on the spot, a wide grin on his face. "I will, I will. Oh, I will."
"No interfering. I don't want any trouble. Just, just have a nice life."
"But I can have a house. A proper house, with a garden, and a door, and. Oh, Doctor, I will make you proud. And I can have a kitchen with chairs, and windows, and plates, and…"
He started to skip away, still rambling, and the Doctor and Eris exchanged bemused looks.
"Er, where are you going?"
"Well, I've no idea."
This made the time travellers grin. "Neither do we, really."
He continued on his way, leaving them standing outside the ship. The Doctor glanced down at his daughter.
"Well, merry Christmas Eris."
She nudged him with her elbow.
"Yeah, merry Christmas to you too. Come on, can we go inside? I'm cold, and there's the small matter of a bullet in my ribs that I need to deal with."
"Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that."
"That's because you're not the one walking around with it."
"Good point. Alright, in you go."
He held the door open for her before slipping inside and closing it behind them, heading for the console while she made a beeline for the medical bay. After a moment's thought, he set the controls to random.
Wherever they ended up, he was sure that one way or another, it would be fantastic.