Later that Saturday night, after being released from the hospital, Hiroki slurped slowly at his ramen noodles as he shifted uncomfortably in the booth. His white dress shirt and beige khaki pants from earlier that day felt tighter than before, and he felt like everyone in the family restaurant was staring at him. Nowaki sat beside him on the outside of the booth, caging his lover in and preventing escape. His arms were crossed as he watched Hiroki eat. When Hiroki finished his bowl, Nowaki silently slid his own untouched ramen to him. Hiroki whimpered, but obediently grabbed a mouthful of ramen noodles with his chopsticks when Nowaki narrowed his eyes in a silent demand.
"I'm so full," Hiroki moaned when he was halfway through with the bowl of ramen, leaning back in his seat and burping slightly. He rubbed his bloated belly, pouting. Nowaki observed him for a few moments before sighing.
"Okay. Finish your milk and we can go," Nowaki instructed. Hiroki grumbled, grimacing as he reached forward to retrieve his half-empty glass of milk. He squeezed his eyes shut as he chugged it. When he finished, he felt somewhat nauseated by the amount of food and liquid within him. Nowaki allowed him out of the booth and they left, silently walking down the sidewalk. Hiroki kept eyeing the manila envelope in Nowaki's hand, wringing his hands.
"Um… Nowaki?" Hiroki asked quietly. Nowaki turned to him.
"Yes?"
"Can I see the pictures again?"
Nowaki moved to hand Hiroki the envelope, but hesitated just before outstretching his hand.
"If… If you can give me an explanation for everything that's happened when we get home, I'll let you look at them," Nowaki said quietly. Hiroki blinked up at him before holding out his hand.
"Okay," he said. Nowaki handed Hiroki the envelope and he opened it, his eyes glimmering as the ultrasound pictures slid out.
"Hiro-san," Nowaki whispered. Hiroki turned to him questioningly, but Nowaki stared straight ahead, his eyes lowered.
"Hm?"
"Can I hold your hand? Please?" Nowaki asked softly. Hiroki paused before adjusting the pictures in his grasp so the hand closest to Nowaki was free.
"…Yeah."
They walked in silence, Nowaki gripping Hiroki's hand with all of the strength his little lover could tolerate.
"Why?" Nowaki asked the second the apartment door was shut behind him. Hiroki, who had already put the ultrasound pictures on a nearby end table, was already halfway down the hall, narrowing his eyes in irritation. Was the big oaf really that clueless?
"Why, you ask?" Hiroki replied flatly as he continued down the hall towards the bedroom. He heard Nowaki follow him. "What I'd like to know is why you've been so distant with me recently. What have I done wrong?"
"You weren't eating, Hiro-san! Of course I'd be ang-" Nowaki began. Hiroki whirled around to face his lover, angrily clenching his fists.
"I meant before that! What the fuck did I do wrong then? Everything was all rainbows and butterflies with you, and then suddenly you started treating me like an inconvenience!" Hiroki barked.
"You weren't letting me touch you!"
"Why is it that everything you think about is sex?"
"It's not just about the sex!"
Hiroki spun on his heel, stomping into the bedroom and trying to shut the door behind him. Nowaki, however, caught the door with his foot and followed Hiroki inside.
"I thought I told you that you wouldn't get a second chance if you lied to me again," Hiroki spat bitterly. Nowaki grabbed his arm and sharply turned him around to face him.
"I'm not lying!" Nowaki snapped. Hiroki growled and shoved Nowaki away, but he stepped forward again and grabbed Hiroki's shoulders.
"Let go!"
"It's not only the sex, Hiro-san. You weren't letting me touch you at all. It felt like you didn't want me to touch you. Why? What did I do wrong?" Nowaki asked, raising his voice. "Is this about you being shy again? Am I being too direct? Should I stop touching you so much? Please tell me, Hiro-san!"
"If you don't recall, you were the one who stopped touching me!" Hiroki snapped, slapping Nowaki's hands off of his shoulders.
"Because I thought you didn't want me to!"
"You're lying!"
"Hiro-san!"
Hiroki gasped as Nowaki reached out to grab his wrists. He was roughly backed into the wall, where Nowaki pressed into him. Hiroki immediately burst into tears, baring his teeth.
"You're the one who said it yourself. I'm pregnant. I can't help it, alright?" Hiroki hissed, squeezing his eyes shut. Nowaki's grip loosened on his wrists ever so slightly.
"What?"
"I didn't want this… I didn't want this!" Hiroki cried. "You're the one who forced me into doing this! I never wanted to be pregnant! It's not my fault I'm like this!"
It was a lie. He wanted the baby; he wanted to have a complete, happy family. He wanted it with every ounce of his body.
What he didn't want was for Nowaki to hate him over it.
"Hiro-san, I don't understand, what are yo-"
"SHUT UP!" Hiroki shouted, desperately trying to wrench his wrists from Nowaki's grasp to no avail. "You call me selfish for not eating… who's the selfish one here? All you want me for is sex, and you don't want that when I'm huge and disgusting, do you? It's not fair! What if you got pregnant and I stopped loving you because you got big or had stretch marks? You are a fucking bastard!"
Hiroki sobbed, slumping against the wall as the room went silent. Nowaki released Hiroki's wrists, only to cup his lover's dampened face in his big hands.
"Don't touch me…" Hiroki whispered half-heartedly, even though he subconsciously felt happy for Nowaki's touch. "Everyone… everyone thinks I'm huge… I'm big and fat, and everyone at school makes fun of me for it… s-s-so you must th-think I'm disgusting too, r-right? It's not f-fair… wh-why did you give me that d-damn pill if you're n-not going to love me? Wh-Why am I carrying y-your baby? I-I thought you w-wanted this."
Hiroki finished his ramblings, crying even more as Nowaki gently rubbed the tears from his cheeks.
"Stop acting like that! You don't love me, so let g-"
"Hiro-san."
Nowaki pulled Hiroki into his arms, clutching him tightly in his immovable arms. Hiroki instinctively wrapped his arms around Nowaki, fisting his shirt in his hands. Nowaki stroked Hiroki's hair.
"I was irritated because I thought I did something to make you not love me anymore, and I didn't know what it was. I was distant because I've been trying to figure out how I could make it up to you somehow. I got so angry when you didn't eat because I thought it was your way of showing me that you were breaking up with me and planning to abort our baby," Nowaki listed off hurriedly. "I never stopped loving you. I never will."
Hiroki sniffled into Nowaki's chest, tightening his hold on his lover's shirt.
"B-But… you didn't touch me an-anymore, so I thoug-"
"I stopped touching you because I didn't want to risk widening the gap between us. I didn't want to aggravate you more."
"No, it's because I'm fat and ug-"
"Hiro-san!"
Hiroki flinched as Nowaki barked at him and tightened his hold.
"Stop saying that. You're offending me. Do you really think I'm that shallow of a man to think that you are unattractive when I was the one who impregnated you in the first place? I'm sorry Hiro-san, but that's probably the dumbest thing you've ever come up with!"
Hiroki furrowed his eyebrows and tried to wriggle out of Nowaki's arms.
"Shut up! With the way you were acting, anyone would have come to that conclusion!"
"Damn it, Hiro-san. You leave me no other choice," Nowaki growled. Hiroki gasped as Nowaki grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him towards the bed. Hiroki dug in his heels, but failed to stop Nowaki's pulling as he stumbled.
"No! No!" Hiroki yelled desperately, trying to pry Nowaki's iron grasp from his wrist. "I don't want this! Nowaki!"
"I'm going to show you how I feel even if I have to force you."
"Nowaki!"