Central Continent, in the Asura Kingdom. It has been 11 Years since the Teleportation accident. Many things have happened since then, and even more were about to happen. Rudeus went to attend the Ranoa Magic Academy, reunited with Sylphy, went to rescue his mother which made him find Roxy again, and had to watch his father die for him to live, while his mother was left without any emotion and memory loss. The young now 18 Year old man had many ups and downs throughout his second chance at life. Arguably even worse ups and downs than his previous life, but because of the people around him and his own personal growth he managed to pull through, to keep going, to never stop moving forward.
Only one thing, one important thing never let him go. That keeps haunting him whenever it wants to haunt him. Time will tell, if he is able to get through that too.
A new day starts for the hero of our story. the sun is shining through the slightly opened window, wind is howling very quietly and blowing over his sleeping face. birds are chirping, tree branches and leaves rustling as Rudeus slowly began to wake up. His vision a little blurry when he looked around. a soft smile on his face, when he slowly sat up in his bed, the smell of freshly made breakfast tickled at his nose coming from the kitchen downstairs.
Looks like Sylphy and Lilia are up early to fill all our bellies again.
He thought to himself, moving to get up from his bed. ready to take another fresh day head on, maybe train a bit magic again, or make some more dolls, or even just relax together with Sylphy and Roxy. Options were endless, and he loved that. It felt satisfying to be able to have the freedom to pick right now, before it was back to hard work again. He didn't simpler time though, not one bit. Now just to stand up and get dre-
Rudeus!
a little flash of memories appeared in his mind. Her big glowing red eyes just staring at him with her soft pink lips curled into a big smile, which made him stop all of his motions. Rudeus was like frozen, and had to sit back down. small tears were running down his cheeks dropping down onto his knees, while he was just sitting there.
One of those days again huh. . .?
He thought to himself. It has been 5 years now since the day she left him, and even though it has been that long on some days he has these painful flashes which rip his broken heart open yet again. Meanwhile other things that were just as traumatic which happened months ago he was already very much over. No matter how often he asked himself 'Why?' Why can't I let it go?' he never found an answer. It's like this world effectively tries to punch him down over and over again whenever he feels glad and happy. . . . or maybe he doesn't want to let go. Even if it's the most painful experience that he has to live through a lot of times on random days, he didn't want to stop loving her. he couldn't let his love and memories just go like that. there was no way that he would erase the best 6 years of his life despite the many hardships in those years. Rudeus just couldn't, because deep down. . . deep down he hoped to see her again, be with her again.
He still remembered the first time it happened. It pulled him back right into his old life, not moving an inch, not leaving his room and just lay in his bed for the entire day. There was nothing he could do but get hit by memory after memory of her being with him, making him happy in that moment when she was still there, while causing nothing but sadness now that she wasn't there anymore. Rudeus tried fighting it, but he just cared too much about her, and those moments to truly fight them and be like GO AWAY, cause he wished for nothing more than having those simpler times back again. the same went for the things she left him. Sometimes the pain was so great on a couple days he almost considered to sell his staff for a new one, but whenever that thought crossed his mind he saw her sparkling red eyes when she gave it to him on his 10th birthday, and quickly threw that stupid thought away. He'd always curse himself for even going so far to consider something like that.
I'm not strong at all. I'm pathetic. I have the best family anyone could ask for. . . yet I still. . I wish that she. .
shaking his head to disrupt the first thoughts that he had after many minutes of just sitting there quietly on his bed. he doesn't even have any idea how much time has passed. it didn't seem that much though considering no one came to wake him yet. what he did knew though was that he needed to get up and somehow distract himself. carefully standing up he walked over to his clothes. putting on a fresh pair of pants, followed by a white shirt, dark coat and a pair of socks. fixing up his hair in the mirror before he went to go fetch his staff next to the window. he didn't even realize that his eyes were drawn to his figure shelf, staring right at her. he made that figure when he was still alone, and had nothing but the memories that made him keep going in the 2 years before attending the Ranoa Magic Acedmy. the figure portrayed her the way Rudeus had always seen her. Strong, Energetic, Joyful and full of life. somehow it was never thrown away, sold or broken on one of his darker days. it made him question his sanity sometimes how deeply connected he was to that probably forever broken bond. a psychologist would undoubtedly diagnose him as sick, or broken. well he was really, though still managed somehow. shaking his head he walked over to his bedside table and got a small red lock of hair from it. gently running his thumb over it as he began to scoff, wiping his teary eyes. another reminder he took with him the day he left to find his mother. one of the only things she left him.
''I really am a pervert.'' he joked through the pain, even if it had truth in it. now finally feeling like he was somewhat prepared for the painful day to come as he put the small 'trinket' into his breast pocket. making his way out of the room, something he fortunately never forgot to do no matter what he was going through at times. again, something he acquired through his growth as person, and because of the comfort he gets from the people around him that he cares about. closing the door behind him, he'd slowly head down the stairs, following the noises and delicious smell of food. before he came into view he wiped his eyes one last time, and tried his hardest to don't look down or anything, even if it might have been futile.
Just try to act natural.
He thought, putting on a smile as he greeted his family. ''Good morning everyone.'' the sound of his voice making Sylphy and Lilia turn to look at him from the kitchen to his left, smiling at him. It didn't seem they noticed that he was hiding something, which made him feel relieved.
''Good morning to you too, Rudy!'' Sylphy said with a cheerful tone, walking around the counter with a tray of tasty looking bread which she just pulled out of the oven to put it onto the already almost finished breakfast table.
Lilia would follow after her with a tray of her own, which carried a variety of things to put onto the bread slices in just a moment. ''Good morning, Rudeus-sama.'' She smiled at him and gave a gentle nod, before placing everything onto the table. He smiled at both of them in return, trying really hard to not make them worry as he sat down to have a hopefully normal breakfast with his family. Speaking of family that's when Aisha, Norn, Roxy and Zenith entered the room. Aisha and Norn carefully led Zenith to her seat. Rudeus couldn't help but look at her with a bittersweet smile. ''Morning Mother.'' He said, only getting a quiet gaze from her and what seemed to be an attempt at a smile. the condition she had was hard on everyone, but they made the best out of it and somehow settled into a normal routine. Suddenly he was hugged from behind, getting squeezed tight. ''Big Brother! Good morning!'' Aisha beamed happily, making Rudeus actually smile genuinely and let out a soft chuckle. ''Good morning Aisha.'' she giggled, and went to sit down next to her mother.
Sylphy and Roxy sat down next to Rudeus, one at each side. a normal day in the Greyrat household like any other, all of them together enjoying a family breakfast. Norn would sit next to their mother and help her when she needed it, while everyone else enjoyed the amazing tasting things Lilia and Sylphy made for them every morning. it made him smile, realizing the only reason they handle Paul's departure and Zenith being how she is now, was because they are all together. Just like a true family, supporting each other and being there when you need them.
I want a family. Rudeus, be my family.
he almost choked on the slice of bread he had been eating, clenching his fist under the table. Rudeus really didn't want to ruin this peaceful morning with his emotional pain and sadness. once again wondering why he just didn't let it go. he had all the people that actually cared about him around, his family. a family she didn't want to be a part of the moment she left. . but here he was thinking about her as his heart slowly began to hurt. Was she alright?. . . why would he care!? she hurt him. shaking his head a bit too much, this made Roxy notice as she looked at him, trying to read his facial expression to figure out what was going on.
''Are you okay, Rudy?'' she asked carefully, gently rubbing his arm as she looked at him worriedly. he swallowed deeply, trying to push the emotions away. right now he needed to focus on his family, and deal with that problem on his own when he was going to go for a walk. . . though wasn't she still a part of his family? he wanted to groan so badly, because of how badly this was messing with his mind. he should be angry, furious even but yet he just couldn't. Maybe he was a masochist? that might be it.
as thought after thought kept him from answering he didn't even notice that Sylphy was looking at him too now, while Roxy nudged him. ''Rudy?'' she asked again, snapping him out of his daze. turning his head to look at her he offered her a light smile. ''Everything is fine, don't worry.'' he said with as much confidence as he could to make Roxy stop worrying, but she was a bit too smart for that as she didn't seem convinced. her bi blue eyes staring at him. ''Rudy, it doesn't seem like it. if something is bothering you, then you can talk to us.'' she said, flashing a warm gentle smile, gently squeezing his arm with her hand, as did Sylphy on his other side. ''Roxy is right. We are here for you, Rudy.'' she smiled at him. obviously did Rudeus know that, he always knew that.
''Thank you, to both of you. I know I can always count on you.'' gently he interlocked his hands with theirs, smiling at the two of them. many people would start to think that the three of them are dating, at the current sight of absolutely support, trust and care for one another. sad thing is Rudeus never got together with Roxy nor Sylphy. he cared for them, loved them even, but whenever he tried to act on the love they had for him she would appear again, making him realize he hasn't let go, hasn't healed. so if he wanted to get together with them now it would simply feel like as a way to cope, and fill the spot rather than being completely genuine. Rudeus didn't want to feel even sicker than he already did by doing that, but he still loved them and was grateful for them being there. alone he would suffer way more than he already does.
It's all right, Rudeus. I'll stay with you.
No you didn't. You left me. . you hurt me. Yet. . I wish you were here with me, with all of us.
yet another hit to his heart. thinking so much about family, and the important people in his life he just began to think of her even more. squeezing their hands tight he suppressed the urge to cry, letting out a deep defeated sigh. that made the two girls on his side worry even more. he chuckled a bit sadly, looking down to not meet their worried gazes. ''I'm having a dark day again. Sorry for being such a burden on you all.'' he mumbled out quietly. ever since he was reborn Rudeus never wanted to feel useless again, and though he was strong in magecraft and to some extend physically, his heart was fragile. ''I'm gonna go for a walk in a bit to clear my head and then its back to work.'' he added, only to feel how Sylphy and Roxy hugged him tight from either side, trying their absolute best to comfort him. ''You are not a burden, Rudy. You are suffering, yet you still find the energy to get out of bed every day. Whenever we need you, you're there for us, so its fine to be vulnerable sometimes.'' Roxy told him, big blue eyes staring right at him. ''Roxy is right. You don't have to be strong all the time. Rudy, you deserve to take time for yourself, and sort things out.'' His childhood friend told him sternly. Rudeus wanted to speak up, but Sylphy didn't give him any moment. ''Rudy. Tell me, did you ever in the last 5 Years take a day for yourself?'' she almost glared at him, and when Sylphy had such a look on her face she was serious.
the magician tried to sort his thoughts, and began to really think. ''Well when she left..-'' ''The couple days after she left you, don't count. You were hurt and shut down. You ignored everything because the pain was too great. You gave up at life, only to get up again and follow a different goal. You helped me, Roxy, rescued your Mother, and built us a home, but did you ever take a moment for yourself? when you began to have those flashes? After you noticed that you lost your ability to get sexually erect? After you lost your father and your arm?'' She smacked him relentlessly with all those hard facts, wanting and needing him to understand that he deserved a break too, to heal and get his energy back. Rudeus still remembers the day he pulled Sylphy and Roxy aside to tell them when it was getting too hard to hide it anymore, and he never would have thought Sylphy would use it against him like that. his gaze drifting away from Sylphy, watching his family closely as they all had a worried look on their faces, even his mother looked concerned despite her condition. That made him swallow hard, it was hard to accept that there was nothing wrong with struggling over such things, especially since it made him feel like a burden to his family that he cared so much for.
I was. . . so worried about you! What am I supposed to do if you're gone, Rudeus?
His eyes widened. Why was he remembering such a memory now?. . did all of them feel like that too in this moment? were they scared of losing him through shutting down? he slowly began to realize that he was nothing but a big Idiot after all.
Stupid. . .
Yeah I really am stupid, aren't I?
Rudeus couldn't help but begin to chuckle, wrapping his arms carefully around the two women at his side that were his biggest supports right now, and he was glad to have them. Everyone around him looked at him with confusion in their eyes. when he finally stopped his little sign of emotions he let his lips curl into a small smile. ''You're right Sylphy. I really didn't take any care of myself. I was so focused on all of you that I completely forgot that part. I guess it was partly because I was scared to make a mistake that would make either of you leave me, but I know now that that fear was totally misplaced.'' he felt relieved somehow. ''We'd never leave you, we love you Rudy.'' His blue haired master told him. he pressed a kiss on each of their heads making both of them blush a little, while Sylphy's ears lightly wiggled. he then got up. ''I know that now, so forgive me for being stupid and thinking otherwise. I didn't mean to insult you two like that.'' he smiled, taking a few pieces of the bread Sylphy made and putting it into his bag. walking over to his mother he gave her a kiss on her cheek, and gave his sisters a tight hug. soon Rudeus would find himself at the front door, looking at them with a little hope in his eyes. ''I'll be back around Dinner.'' then he left the house, and set out to go to the highest spot in the city.
''Will he be alright?'' Aisha asked worriedly, and without a second thought both Roxy and Sylphy replied with. ''He will be. Trust your big brother.'' Both smiling at her, which took her worries away in a flash, making her smile at them in return. the family continued to spend breakfast together, and discussed plans for the day.
a couple of minutes had past already when Rudeus found himself in the central point of the city, walking through the large crowd of people. markets were booming like any other day, with all kinds of different figures selling all kinds of different things. if he wasn't so mentally occupied he might have even taken a look around to see if there were a few things that he could need. like magic crystals, or other small useful things. now that he thought about it, the last time he was out strolling around any markets or through a city was quite a while ago. when he found Sylphy again, and when Dead End was still together. he sighed, well that was the reason he came out in the first place, to just start thinking about it. taking a look up into the blue sky, he wondered how she was doing, also how Ruijerd might be doing. one thing he knew for sure though, they were both alive. . or so he hoped. shaking his head he decided to keep moving, wanting to have a quiet place to really, really be for himself and just think about it all, trying to figure his feelings out, trying to maybe get over the pain he felt in his chest as he walked past all the shops, but all he could see was memories of her jumping around all excited, wanting to see everything that was new to her. he missed it. he missed her.
What did I do wrong? he thought to himself, clutching at his chest. that's all he had been thinking about the last few years whenever he had these painful days. wondering what he might have done wrong, cause she never made any mistake. in Rudeus eyes at least. trying to not cause a scene all of a sudden he picked up the pace, and maneuvered through the crowd.
eventually he arrived at the highest spot in the city, taking a breather first from walking up the many steps that lead to this quiet place. leaning his staff against the small stone wall, before he climbed on top of it to take a seat. his gaze locked at the beautiful scenery in front of him, with the city being illuminated by the bright glowing sun, on this beautiful day. no cloud insight, and only a few small breezes to make the heat bearable. it really was a perfect day, and from up here it was easy to enjoy it to its fullest. he smiled sadly.
She would enjoy this view. I'm sure of it.
now that he was finally alone Rudeus stopped holding back his emotions, there was no one to hear him right now anyway, and rarely did anyone ever come here from what he noticed the last couple times he came here. letting all the tears and sadness pour out that he had been holding back since earlier. sobbing into his hands which he held in front of his face. if he had to be honest, whenever he saw his family together without his father, without her it pained him, but he always swallowed it down and decided to be happy that at least everyone else was there. just like he swallowed down the fact on how he felt guilty for his father's passing, since if he had been more cautious the hydra wouldn't have been able to attack him, which in turn wouldn't have made his father jump in to safe him. or perhaps, if he wouldn't have made a mistake that made Er. . her leave him, she would have been there and everything would have been easier. but that's alot of if's and theories, yet it haunted him. and it made him sick that it haunted him, cause it could have been so much worse aswell. he could have been killed, Roxy could have died, and so could have his mother.
letting out a deep sigh he leaned back a little bit, propping himself up on his hands. his eyes wandering from one place to another, as more and more thoughts ran through his mind. why did life have to be so hard? Rudeus had been wondering that in his old life already, so what exactly was his current life? well he it felt a lot happier with all the happy things he got to experience, and the people he could call his family and friends. but it also had a bigger sadness, something he expected ever since the teleportation incident, or even before that when he watched Ghislaine kill a man right in front of him. so perhaps a more exciting life? that probably fits the best to describe it. especially since he managed to overcome all of his fears he had before being reincarnated. of course there were other fears now, and different problems not letting him go, like his broken heart and empty heart.
How exactly did I manage to come this far despite this aching pain? I guess everything else just managed to distract me enough to not think about it too much. But now that most things have been resolved, besides Zenith's condition there is not much left to do for now. Which leaves my mind to deal with this now.
laying down on top of the stone wall, with his hands behind the back of his head. what could he do now? how would he possible tackle this issue? of course he could try and forget her completely. it has been 5 years after all since she left, and he doesn't even know if she'd ever return to him. her message indicated nothing about a return. . let alone that he wasn't the reason for why she left. biting his lower lip, to try and fight the urge to start crying again, but then again he just let it out. crying quietly to himself.
We aren't well matched right now. I'm going away.
Why? Couldn't you have at least talked to me? Tell me what I did wrong?
he wasn't even angry or sad that she left, but that she left without a real word, without a goodbye. leaving him with his imagination on why she had to leave. after all Roxy, and Sylphy also had been gone out of his life temporarily, but he was able to handle it because he knew they were safe, and within reach in some way. she wasn't though. he had no idea where she was, or if she ever wanted to be with him again. or was the reason that he couldn't handle her being gone that he. . of course that was the reason. he loved her, there was no doubt about it. they had been together for 6 whole years, and went through all sorts of situations. not one day went by they weren't together until she vanished, and her warmth plus his own mission to get her back safely made him strong. she made him strong. the people around him made him strong.
Rudeus, why are you so strong?
I'm not though. If it wasn't for any of you I wouldn't be strong. honestly this world can go to hell and burn to ash for all I care, as long as everyone I love is safe. not that I wanna summon anything like that.
slowly he tried to fight his memories head on, trying to think of. . his last moments with her. he still remembered it as if it had been yesterday. every small detail memorized like it was right in front of him. the way how she dropped a bomb on him the moment she entered with that beautiful looking night gown. it highlighted her curves so well as if it was made for that special night, especially how its color was perfect for her. he even remembered the perfume she had been using, one of the sweetest scents his nose ever got to experience. he couldn't help but smile, though tears were pouring down his cheeks as the sadness deepened in his heart. it was one of the best moments in his life, a moment that felt like it wasn't supposed to be at first. yet when she felt insecure that he didn't want her, that he didn't feel the same, Rudeus just confessed out of the blue. it had suprised him really, and left him speechless for a moment. again when she seemed insecure that something was wrong with her he jumped in to reassure her, which he did by hugging her tight and holding her close.
She was so warm. Just holding her made me happy, despite being so nervous. it seemed to have made her happy too. .
Rudeus was really trying to not let his emotions consume him, but he was sobbing painfully at this point. he missed her so incredibly, and his heart was just an empty space without her at his side. it's as if she had taken it with her. well she had taken it from him ever since he fell in love with her. as quirky as it sounds, his heart was her's, and it always would be. thats how much she meant to him. after their shared hug, and confession when he was tackled to the bed he could still hear her speak those embarrassing words which made them both chuckle. just remembering it made him smile, and so did the smile that was burned into his mind when he had cupped her cheek that made her light up. followed by the gentle kiss, their 2nd kiss. it tasted the same as their 1st. sweet, warm and comforting. those were the best words to describe what Rudeus felt when his and her lips met. 'As long as I'm with her, only happiness awaits.' those have been his thoughts as the night took him to slumber, after their passionate time. he meant it, every single word of it. he wanted a family with her, a future together. thats when he realized, sitting up quickly from the wall as his eyes went wide.
There is no way all these feelings that I have been getting from her. The love she showed me. That everything was a lie. She does love me, but for some reason she needed to go. I might never figure out why, and don't even have to. She probably didn't tell me so I wouldn't stop her, or take my eyes of my mission to find Zenith. Ha. . Eris knew I'd follow her, because I'm a hopeless guy. Still I'd wished for a better goodbye than a letter, saying we aren't well ma. . what did that Letter even mean? Now that I think about it. She left a couple days after our run in with Orsted.
Rudeus thought hard and long about it, with his hand resting at his chin as he sat with his legs crossed. he was sure, now that he considered the signals Eris gave him that she didn't leave because she hated or disliked him. it was because of something else, but what exactly? did she ran away because of Alfonse? no, that couldn't be it. she never did anything she didn't want to, even if someone tried to force her. he knew that first hand, as he rubbed his cheek at the memory from her countless punches. 'We aren't well matched right now.' those painful words he read countless times before he headed out to find his mother ringing in his head over and over right now. they both loved each other, so it wasn't that. did it have something to do with their fight against Orsted? it must be, is what he thought.
Rudeus, why are you so strong?
those words came to him again, which Eris said one or two days after the fight. I think that you are stronger. Is what I said to her that time. did she think of herself as weak? even though she is one of the strongest people I know. thats when he remembered that she got kicked around by Orsted pretty badly, while she couldn't do anything besides watching the man she cared for get almost killed, or well she thought of him as dead till Nanahoshi made Orsted heal him. he sighed deeply, and regretted that he didn't try to understand sooner.
She didn't feel strong enough to be at my side. Not well matched, to put it into her words. How could I be so dumb? thinking she played me only to get rid of me soon after once we are back home, or what was left of it. I gotta apologize to her for thinking so badly of her the next time we. . if we ever see each other again. does she even love me anymore? maybe she found a better guy. No! Stop it Rudeus. No need to go back to thinking so negatively again. she will return one day, and if not I hope she is happy wherever she is. I just know, that I will keep loving her till my life in this world ends.
he smiled, finally having sorted his feelings and pain somewhat out. was he fully healed? no, of course not. things like this will take a long time, seeing memory flashes, or straight up thinking about her will still hurt, but its also gonna make him happy since at least he got to experience these moments with her. letting the feelings of being hurt slowly replace by feelings of gratefulness that he got to be with the most incredible woman he ever met. Eris Greyrat, the love of his life, and even if he might never see her again, he was grateful she was part of his life, and always will be with the memories the two shared. without realizing he also began to think more clearly about her, instead of trying to push the thoughts away, making him speak her name in his mind with a spark of joy. no matter what will happen now, and from this day forward he would be able to heal eventually. because his love was greater than his sadness.
I love you, Eris. I always will.
grabbing his staff that was still leaning against the stone wall he decided it was time to get back. time had been moving faster than he expected and it had already been a couple hours till he left. hopefully he was gonna return in time for dinner, cause all the thinking and crying had made him hungry. Rudeus couldn't wait to see what Sylphy would cook up this time, and tell everyone about how he made a huge step into a happier life, as he finally after years had been taking time for himself.
If only he knew that once he would return, that step might become even bigger as a red haired figure approached his home. knocking at the door a few couple times. ''I'll get it!'' Roxy called out, as she got up from her seat to head to the door. Sylphy and Lilia been busy making dinner, while Aisha was cleaning their home and Norn took care of her mother. Soon the bluenette would open the door, looking up to see who it was. ''Hello, how may I he-'' her eyes widened in shock. she couldn't believe it.
''I'm Eris Greyrat. Is Rudeus home?''