***Trigger Warning: Self harm, depression***
"Sirius!" Harry screamed as he bolted upright in his bed. Ron was at his bedside in a moment.
"Harry? Are you okay?" Ron asked gently.
"Yeah, fine, Ron, sorry I woke you," Harry replied sadly.
"Do you-I mean, I'm here if you want to talk about anything," Ron pressed.
"Thanks, Ron, but you should try to get a little bit more sleep, and so should I," Harry replied with a half hearted chuckle.
"Okay, if you're sure."
"I'm sure, Ron. See you tomorrow."
"Rest well, Harry."
"You too, Ron."
The next morning was the last day before summer vacation and Harry found himself in the Headmaster's office.
"Harry, my dear boy, how may I help you?" Albus asked as Harry took a seat.
"I-I was just wondering where I would be staying. I mean, may I still stay at Grimmauld place now that Sirius is...dead?" Harry asked.
"Unfortunately, my boy, I can not allow that. I'm working on making arrangements, but since Sirius had no will, the safest place for you is with your aunt and uncle until other accommodations can be made," Albus answered gently.
"I-I have to go back there? Isn't there anywhere else I can go until other accommodations are made?" Harry pleaded.
"Unfortunately nowhere safer. I checked yesterday and the blood wards are still in effect. You will be safe there, Harry," Albus assured.
"Headmaster-" Harry started to argue but Albus cut him off with a hand.
"Harry, I know you do not enjoy being there, but I need to keep you safe. Now, this is the end of this discussion unless you have any other questions or concerns," Albus stated firmly.
"No, sir," Harry mumbled.
"Good, then you are dismissed."
Harry returned to his dorms solemnly figuring no one would miss him in classes that day. He pulled out a piece of parchment paper and his quill.
Dear Mr. Wiley,
Thank you for all the help you have given to me. I seriously appreciate you more than you may ever know. Unfortunately, recent circumstances have made it so that I cannot continue working with you. Be well,
Harry
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Weasley,
I'm so sorry to inconvenience you in this way. I was hoping you wouldn't mind caring for Hedwig over this summer. I'll be sending with her money for food and water. Thank you for keeping her safe and loved for me over this summer. Hopefully I'll see you sometime soon.
Harry
Dear whoever is reading this letter,
If you're reading this, my 'relatives' have probably killed me. Sorry about the messy sight you inevitably had to behold. Please thank Professor Snape for his help. Please tell Ron and Hermione not to be too sad. Tell everyone I hope to be reunited with them someday. Assure them I'm somewhere far better though, so they needn't be sad. I can't be hurt anymore. That's enough for now. If you need help processing whatever mess you've most likely stumbled upon Healer George Wiley is an incredibly helpful man whose services I highly recommend. He was a good friend whose mentorship served me well. Anyway, stay safe.
The-boy-whose-luck-ran-out
Harry sent Hedwig with the letter to Mr. Wiley immediately. He tucked his post-mortem letter in his shirt pocket, and tucked the letter for Mr. and Mrs. Weasley into a bag of coins which he secured to Hedwig's cage.
"Harry, where were you all day?" Hermione cried indignantly when she finally came across the boy in the Gryffindor common room.
"I skipped. It's not like there was anything planned anyway," Harry replied casually. Hermione just rolled her eyes.
"So do you know where you'll be spending the summer, Harry?" Neville asked from his spot across the room.
"I'm not really sure to be honest. Dumbledore said the safest place for me would be the Dursley's until other arrangements can be made. I'm not sure what or when those other arrangements will be made," Harry replied honestly.
"Oh, Harry! I'm so sorry!" Hermione cried out.
"It's okay, Hermione. Don't worry about it. I'll be fine," Harry said unconvincingly. "Oh, Ron, I meant to ask, would you be willing to keep Hedwig at your place this summer?" Harry asked as an afterthought.
"Sure, Harry, but what if you need to contact someone?" Ron asked nervously.
"I won't need to. It would only make things worse if I did anyway. So no need to worry, honestly," Harry replied with false bravado.
"Alright, Harry, if you're sure," Ron answered.
"Thanks, Ron. I really appreciate it," Harry said putting on his best fake smile.
Ron and Hermione swapped glances the entire train ride. Harry was uncharacteristically quiet, but he had been ever since Sirius had died. Neither knew what to do. Before they knew it, the were at the platform and Harry was handing Hedwig to Ron whispering for her to behave for the Weasley's. Then he was gone. Vernon roughly shoved him into the car mumbling something about being stuck with his ungrateful, rude, inconvenient freak of a self once more because no one loved him.
That summer was more miserable than Harry could've imagined. When Harry wasn't working or being beaten he was locked in the tiny cupboard under the stairs that he'd outgrown long ago. His skin felt like it would be permanently red from all the hours it had baked in the sun, but somehow still appeared pale from malnutrition and sickness. His boney hands had bled until they became calloused and hard. Every bone and muscle in his body ached from abuse. Harry didn't think there was one square inch of skin that wasn't bruised or bleeding. The only thing that kept Harry breathing was the thought of returning to Hogwarts for his fifth year, but even that didn't help for long. Eventually, Harry was just going through the motions of living each day. He didn't care about anything anymore. He didn't care about the hunger. He didn't care about the pain. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Harry had come to depend on the constant that was pain. He found his body no longer caring about breathing in increasing intensity. He felt like he was drowning, but couldn't bring himself to care. When the time came for fifth year to start, Harry dragged himself to Diagon Alley for supplies last minute and then barely made it to the station in time for the train to leave. Ron and Hermione talked the entire way to Hogwarts. Harry didn't hear a word nor did he speak a word. If his friends noticed anything was wrong, they didn't say anything; and even if they had, Harry wouldn't have noticed, responded, or cared.